Episode 198: Don't Stop Kegelling (Feat. Rainbow Barris)

who Rainbow barrisses. Um. I think you summed it up pretty well. I mean, I think the most important thing for me really is being a mom. Um. I do have six kids. Um, I've been married a long time for especially these days and times. Um. Our oldest just turned twenty, same day the baby turned three. So my first of my last had the same birthday. Wow, the same birthday, same birth And he was like a guy, like, up,

you're done. Um, And he was two months early on her birthday, so I was like, this is really assigned. So uh, June ninth. Nice? But oh and they are like, I hope today is a good day. You got some built in babysitters already best you know, the oldest to And when I first got pregnant with the baby, they were like, we need to talk to you. And I'm like about what They were like, we don't know if this is the best thing for you. Would like, no,

you don't know if it's the best thing for you. Um, so you know it's they are built in babysitters and and built in arguers and all that. I told him, I said, what do you think I had you for? You know? So it's it's good. It's a good age range. Um. And and first we had three girls first, and we had three boys. Second. Wow, it's like a perfect life perfect.

Nothing is perfect, but close to it as far as the kids, Like, that's kind of dope, like three and then three because you know, you have three girls, Like I really want a boy exactly. And then and then like, oh yeah, we had a boy. That's great, he's happy. And then I was like, we'll never have another boy. Well, I'm like, won't have any more kids, but if we did with a girl and then it was a boy and I was like, oh and then we had I'm like, this is so interesting. So it is a blessing. So

let's talk about that. Because the character of Bow I'm black Ish is based on you in real life, but not completely, but that's basically where the character came from. Yes, correct. So sometimes do you get to like know what's going to happen on the episodes before it happens, Like you guys have to sit down discussion, you and your husband Ken. You're like, okay, so we're going to discuss this that we're gonna tackle this, Like how much input do you

give based on your real life? Um? Usually I find out after, but it depends. I mean if it's something tough like um, you know he did. It was a couple of seasons ago he did, you know, very tough. Um. It was the first and only I think arc that they did. So it was you know, three I think episodes and followed each other where bo Andre were having some uh marital uh differences I guess, and um, he had gotten a lot of pushback about like, you know,

I don't know if you shouldn't do this. People don't think this is your life and you know he so he did ask me about that, and I was like, I absolutely think you should do it. Because you know, one of the things that UM, people appreciate about this show is that they feel like they can relate to these characters. And if you're only showing the positive, then that's not relatable. And UM, I'm like, so what if people think that it's us right now? Like what does

that matter? You know? Um? We we are examples in so many ways for so many couples and so many people, And UM, I think it's important to be vulnerable and to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable. So um, he did ask me about that. But other than that, you know, I usually find out after. But you know, a lot of the stuff is is like oh, I didn't know

you were gonna write about that. It sometimes also like, well that's how you saw it, but I saw it differently, absolutely absolutely, because you know, when things happen, we look at it differently than they always have our different point of view, right, and that's we're usually right, we're right, my woe man, Just let's me be right. And that's his thing, Like he's like, right, how did you get that?

And you're not even married. I don't know he understands, and I think like he probably feels like, well, probably because I am, but also because I think he's just like we have petty arguments that's not even worth it, And usually I am right and probably are right. It's not right, it's right true most of them. I feel like women are like I look at my sons and I look at my daughters, and I'm like, how are men in control of the world because they are so below like like just women just get it in a

different way, like mediocre, like they're not. They just can't reach the level I'm thinking as the same as a woman. I'm sorry. If men just don't have it, it's something missing with them. I don't know. I think we also a lot of times I kind of step back and let them. I think we have to be because if you let them think of they're in charge, then it's like more smooth. But that's another mental tactic on a man. Yeah no, yeah, because I feel like, yeah, you got it,

Yeah right, I can't. I can't do that. It's really hard and let him do and be like, yeah I did that yesterday. But we do sacrifice sometimes. I feel like I think being a one man, I think it's a sacrifice, but I think it is the best sacrifice but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I think it's such a special gift to be a woman and um with all of the challenges and the responsibility I think it is. I think it's just so

powerful and amazing. And we were talking about what we do we had a penis for a day, like, what would that be? Like? Can you imagine what would you do if you had a penis for a day? Swinging around in the helicopter, in the mirror, in the mirrorge in the mircause I gotta see it might get an STD. I don't know, I'm right, And then I would just go sticking in as many pussies as I can. You

think you would do an of course I would. I would with a female, you know, well, I don't think I would be um, you know, I would be a man, like I'm thinking if I'm a man, so I don't want to be, you know, I just want to him regulars like it's not coming out right here. I get what she's saying. So I think that sounds right. I mean that's what they do anyway, right, they're swinging around in the circle in the mirror. Never done it, but they do. They do you guys pay helicopter with your penis?

You've done? My god, look at a little kid when you realize that the dangled and hanged and swung like a pendulum. You shoot that. Don't act like you don't do it at these ones when when they get older, Look do they do it? No? See, they probably don't do it as adult. They won't admit it, especially if it's long. I can't lu So you guys really swing your like the elephant trunk? What did I say? You're like,

I'm sorry, there's some guys in the room. Do you guys play with your balls when you masturbate or just the penis? That's a good question. I'm really like when we like, you like rush your balls? You're saying yes, okay, yes, oh yes, no, yes, I no, no, okay, So you don't like can you imagine if you walked in and you're a man like fingering himself in the butt and okay, oh my god, and take it to the next level,

like right? Why did you call me? Right? Do you for you think guys would want to have a vagina for a day to see what it feels like? You think we just would like to have a penis for a day. I would like to have a penis for a day. You wouldn't want to have a penis for no I would wake up like, oh my god, right, we're gonna go through. That would be a good movie. They always do wake up as a kid, right, So

you like switched like breaky Friday Friday. Yeah, you know you're gonna have it a hard day with that change if you know it's only for a day. If it was only for a day, I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna stay in the house and smoke weed and just wait to wait it out. Yeah, I'm gonna master mead, That's exactly what I'm gonna I'm gonna master. I don't

have today exactly. Like, pens are fascinating, Like how often do you find yourself like playing with your man's penis just like alive and they hate for you to test it when they're not hard? I don't so ashamed are you doing? And had an exit I such the penis like this, and he got so mad at me, like, don't be with the ferny, Like are you trying to see how big it is? I want you to use the whole hand because if you're not using the whole hand. They don't feel manly if you use just the finger.

And the dumb was just a heart attack. I would have had the grap his penis like this. Yeah, really, yeah, I've heard about those. I've only heard about about you never had to witness it. Okay, let's just say I had a lot of annal sex during that relationship because I had to feel that. I'm sorry, but wow, where am I? Yeah? I have like so many questions for you guys. So you're sending in a committed relationship for

such a lot. So that's why I'm like, wow, So like, does everybody have ain't no, even if you're not married, Like is that I've never had? You know, I don't do an't know either. I might try, It's too painful. I can't do it. I tried to, it never went all the way in. I wanted to. But you know what, and I learned this from Lisa and the porn star who was here last week. She said, when you clench your teeth, it makes your buck clench. So if you

were like ya, why couldn't sept you that? Because when you have a pap smere if you clench your upper body. Then your vagina clenches, and so it's good to put your arms up because it makes you relax. I never do that way, so we gotta add that to our list. If you put your arms out, you're like this, it's harder for you to like, you know, because your whole body will be doing this. But when your arms are

like this, you could do this. So you put your arms up and then if you breathe and then it's easier and any way to do an then probably need to use loose for anal as opposed to water base

water base because it's more slippery. I've done anal or like if guys would like average sized phoenises, but it just so happens like the more recent relationships, like I wouldn't even thank god, never like thank god, you don't even have to Yeah exactly, they don't even like it because they've never been able to get it because it's just too it's uncomfortable. Yeah, so yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I was young when I wasn't married, but I was I was prudish. I mean i'm not now,

but before I'm like, maybe it was just young. So I'm gonna have been like you want to do what? Yeah, because it does sound more shocking when you're young. I'm gonna tell you this that I went to public school and I went to private school for high school. Right, public school, nobody was doing that. But in private school, were you a white girls? Yeah, that's my private school was.

And then I remember this one white girl was like, oh my god, and then he put it in my butt and I was bleeding, you know, and I was like, I didn't even know I had anything about that. I didn't either, I literally I didn't. I didn't even get it in the wood. And taking it in the mouth and still seeing the day were virgins. That's that's crazy. That's actually it's actually very scary because that's how a

lot of bad things happened to people. And they, you know, my my little Dominican friends, they were taking it in the ass and not keeping their pussy aversion when I was a kid, really yeah, my little Dominican friends. And they were younger than me. I remember I was like thirteen, she was like eleven, and they were little kids, and her boyfriend was like fourteen, Oh my god, and they were having anal sex. But how do you even know

about that when you're that. That's when I said, I'm like what I was like, what, like, why are you guys so horny? But trying to make someone else happy? So I don't know, I know, I think they were horny. And remember my little sister, my cousins when we used to go to Puerto Rico. My cousins, they were kids and they were doing all kinds of ships. We were little kids, Like why are y'all so horny? Not me though with others, Like I was always real quiet and

by myself. They were all like just older than me and doing weird ship but were they doing stuff with other kids? Kids? They were kids. It was just man though they were kids. They were all like twelve and yeen, that's what I'm saying, Like, how are y'all also horny? I was little though, like I was like ten eleven nine. They were kicking me out the room and be making out like why are y'all so horny? Yeah, hormones raging.

I don't know. For girls, it's so different. I think it's it's taking me a long time in life to really be like really horny, like I've had I've had had to get older to be like, oh no, this is like really for me. I was horny when I was young. I was masturbating when I was young. But I wasn't horny for other people. I was horny for the ship that I was watching on TV. I wasn't mastered anybody. I did make my dolls have sex with each other, ye like yeah, yeah, I wasn't the dolls

playing house. Yeah, they But I didn't really know anything about sex. I just you know, and Kent didn't have a dick. She just had that weird little space in between the sides. The guy have the like the pubic like finger, right, it's just like a curve. You can't should have had a dick? No, No, I don't think anatomically incorrect. Yeah, but because then now we walk around thinking men just have like a but Barbie had. Barbie had like a vage area that she had booze and

everything she had booze. Did she had a little crease? Did she have a crease in there? I don't remember. No, No, it was the same thing. It's like that. Yeah, it was it was like blocked out right. Oh, I know what it was. It was the crease in the thighs that went like this because the legs moved. That's what I'm thinking of. Yeah, you really studied it. I mean I had Barbie dollars, Barbie dogs. She also have like a little bit of hair on their legs. I think

Barbie should have hair, ever stubble. They should have pubes. Like I'm people not having pubes, it's like this, that's not appropriate. But even laser hair removo. I feel like when young kids first start getting pubes, it's really imagine if every adult you saw had no pubes and you start getting pubes, what is that? Like that like yeah, you're like, what is this? What's wrong? Or you know exactly, and and it's initially it's a lot of fucking air,

you know. And I feel like we have to teach our kids like no, this is normal, this is you know, not you are not supposed to not have any hair. Now you can choose to. But I still I mean, yeah, I mean laser hair moble. For me, it's been important because I get in grown hairs, my daughters get them, so in that aspect, it's actually really important. It's the only thing that prevents them from happening. But um, I had to like, do I take it all off or

do I not. I'm like, I have to show my daughter at least, but have exactly because I feel like I have to show my daughter's like no, you're supposed to have exactly, and I feel like to me, I feel like that's really really important. I've never seen my parents naked, even when you were younger. I don't remember nothing I remember. I don't remember if I'm younger, but I don't recall seeing the naked. I'm always naked. It from I see my mom naked all the time. Whether

used to always be naked. I still always be like, mom, pust some clothes on. My mother was always naked. I just think it's important for them to see, like, oh, yeah, this is what your body. I have to see that. It did. It made us such a normal thing to go and shave my legs when I was going through puberty and to you know, want to take care of myself and groom myself. Watching my mom like I couldn't imagine seeing my mom with no hair, right, you know, like it would just be like I never imagine. You

don't remember. I don't remember. I don't think I've ever seen it because I feel like I would remember that and I remember the first time I shaved my legs. I was embarrassed. I didn't say anything, and I cut my whole leg like from all the way down by my ankle, all the way at my shop, one of your friends, and somebody legs yes, and I guess I pressed down to her and I really like cut it all the way. And then you know, when you cut yourself, shaving does not stop and it hurts. So then after that,

I was like embarrassed. I used to wear panty holes under my shorts. Ok, I want to do a lot, but I remember my mom taking a bath. We used to take a bath together, like we'll be getting reverty quick to come on, you're gonna take a shower with me, and she'll shave her on the arms in front of us and shaved. So that would never happen if my mom about it just came so naturally to know how to do it, you know. Yeah, I think it's important. I really do. And I tell them like, I'm I'm

not comfortable all the time with myself. But if I'm not comfortable with myself, and how are you going to be comfortable with yourself? So that's why you're gonna see me naked, you know, like you know until like you know, my oldest son is. But I still I don't know, just it's not weird to me because yes, see, I

think I was. It was different for me growing up because even like after that, I have friends like in college that they would just be walking around naked and I'd be like, oh my god, but some clone, right, because I definitely grow up seeing anybody naked, right, Yeah. No, I mean I think for me and like around my kids and like at home, it's important, but I'm not. I mean, I guess if I'm around my friends and I'm like getting dressed, it's not a big deal. But

I'm your girls for sure. But yeah, but I'm not like watching all the way around. But I'm like, yeah, have to change or like everybody's always helped me to put something on too, and I'm like, oh god, I think I'm still like I'm still kind of not like a naked person. You're not naked person. Yeah, I'm still not really Like I still would be like walking at the room and you were sleeping the bed together naked. It's like such a normal thing for us to be

naked around each other. You guys, having sex. Yeah, her sex never Okay, you can't say that because you have that sex with women. So I've had women have had sex with me on me. I've never put my mouth on a girl you participated? I sure, Okay, I've had getting sex before. Okay, down out of the questioning, but not like my best Like, come on, you don't have sex with your friends. Well, sometimes you do see that. We can believe anything, alright, So people have written into questions.

So here's the first question. All right, bo, So I need help. I recently just got out of a long relationship my new girlfriend who makes me very happy and has been for the last few months. She recently asked me to move in with her. EXCEPT did her invitation, but then shortly a few weeks after, she got a dog. Very much dislike animals, and I have expressed that to her, but I moved into her apartment. She has asked me to help financially around her apartment and with the dog.

I want to make this work, but I want that dog gone. She claims it it's like her baby and she doesn't want to get rid of it. Would I be wrong for leaving? Even after expressing to her that I don't want this actually responsibility. Um. I think that when people are honest and they communicate, and I think if you choose to do something, I don't think you can be quote wrong or you know, wrong or right

because you're being honest. And I think you have to stand in your truth and you know will be different if he was like making excuses about whatever or she had a man or woman. Um, but I think if you've expressed something and the person that you're with isn't listening to that and isn't willing to um, compromise because that's I mean, relationships, life, everything is a compromise, and you have to be willing to say what you're willing to accept and what you want person you're with to

accept as well as it does work both ways. It's kind of messed up that she got the dog after he told her, yeah, I feel like I would be. I mean, he's still there like that's a good man, man, I know, I mean like you did work like this dog here, So I don't you know, I don't think so, but I think you know, talking about it and saying like I'm willing to you know, compromise on something else,

then you know, I think it's fair. But you know that's I guess this part maybe like having kids, Like some people don't want to have kids and some people do, and like, you know, but you know, I think it's different, it'd be different. She had the dog already, yeah yeah, because then you're choosing to still go, but then to get it after, it's kind of like she got it after. I think she's wrong for trying to put the responsibility

on him. Expressed that he wasn't like it's one thing to buy the dog, but don't expect me to take care of and that dog was gone, and like a few days, I was like I told you for years, no, don't I have too many children, do not bring a dog into this. If the kids could take care of the dog. The one who wanted it was seven, yeah, yeah, yeah alright, or like oh can can the nanny didn't know, they're busy with the children. Sorry, So you got rid

of the dog in a few days. You didn't feel bad, absolutely not, because I had said for years I am not going to be responsible for a dog. I'm not so doc. It was my children, my seven year old, who wanted the dog. She she came to us and was crying and say, can we get rid of the dog because it was ruined in our family. It must have been really you know, you know what because she didn't want to go pick up that ship outside. That's what it was, like, Oh, I gotta go pick up ship.

This dog is rolling in our family. I was like, yeah, I told you she didn't want that. Damn do that. She would have been upset. No when you got rid of it. No, No, she had a younger sibling to play with. She didn't need it, as kids are a lot of working. Dogs are work. Especially it was a puppy and you had to train it. Yeah, keep it from chewing up your front chair and pissing all over everything. You have to schedule your your days around it. And it was it was. It was a lot of work.

I think we had it for like four days or something. Damn that girl. I'm not a dog person. But you know, we did find a nice home for the dogs. Someone else needed a dog, and so I was like, look, this is a win win situation. Yeah. Yeah, it worked out. And I'm not like, get rid of the dog and send it to the right Yeah, so that was important. It didn't work out. What are some of the biggest

compromises that you've had to make in your marriage. Um. You know, I think recently the biggest thing for me really is is been realizing and learning that being um having equity does not mean being the same. And so I used to look for sameness to be equal. You know what, I do this, so you should do this with it. And so I think once I started to realize, like, you know, I actually really enjoy a lot of the things that I do, Like I enjoy all the things

I do with the kids and those responsibilities. Why am I pitching and complaining about what he doesn't do? Is he's not uncomfortable doing a lot of the stuff, and now he does, but he will do other things that I won't do. And so I think for me, really just giving up the idea of um us not being the same, it's been like my biggest It's been like a lifesaver, really because it's eliminates all that pettiness. You know, I never thought about that. That's really that great. It's

it's it took a long time. It's probably like fifteen years. That's hard. When you you live you don't imagine you live with someone like your roommate, and it's like one person does all of this one thing and you're like, you don't never do this. But then you have to think about, well, well does this person do these other things? What do they do, what do they bring? And I do think there needs to be some some equity for sure, because there needs to be balanced. But being the same, like,

he's a man, he's not a nurture. And that's that's the whole thing about a man and a woman complimenting each other. He's doing the things that we don't do, and vice versa. We're supposed to do the things that they don't. But it's a common argument, like I'm here cleaning, I'm here doing this. It's such a common argument. But if you really think about it, it is a petty argument. And I'm like, do I really want to talk time you're enjoying. I want to come home and see him

like cooking and cleaning. I really don't't, Like it's gonna be fucked up anyway, and like gonna end up being like like you guys, don't redoing anyway, It'll be a total waste of time. Yeah, he'll have to redo and yeah, and I'm like, you know, if if you're with someone and they're not comfortable doing something like, Okay, well let's

let's compromise. Let's figure out what you can do. I'm good at planning trips, so like in my relationship, I'm always going to be the person that's planning where we're gonna go, we're gonna stay in the flights and all of that. So that's and he's okay with that. He's great with that. Good, good what you planning it? I'm not there's something that he does that you don't do.

M I mean, like there's a lot of things, Like I hate getting my car washed, So I'm the type of person that won't get my car washs for like six months just because I really, for some reason don't like going to the car wash. But like my boyfriend would be like, you know, like certain things, he'll handle those responsibilities and like be more responsible about other things

while I'm running around doing whatever. Because I'm more of like do things as I remember to do them type of person, and so sometimes I forget to do stuff. He's more like he has like a to do list. He's more scheduled. Yeah, I'm more like spontaneous. That's that's that's good. That's that's important. That's nice. I don't that's a good compliment, you know, but I probably do more. You know, of course that we were guys both having really really busy schedules, right, was that ever an issue?

Like are we home enough? Are we with each other enough? Are we with the kids enough? How does that work? Um? I think in life we are always especially as a woman, I'm always like I should be doing more. I could be doing more. You know, this kid, this person and him, you know, someone needs me more than I'm able to

be there. But um, you know, I think like once I got out of school and in training residency training and gave me a lot more for lexibility because otherwise, like I have a very not flexible schedule at all, and it's difficult for people to understand when they're like, you mean you have to ask for a day, a half, a day off three months ahead of the day, and I'm like, yeah, I know, it's ridiculous, especially with kids. So um, you know, not having being in such a

confined schedule as I was has been helpful. But you know, I think for for me, like I have this this mom guilt thing or it's always like I should be doing more, you know, right, and then each kid's like, oh, I need a day with you. I know, I need a day with you, you know. And six days already, literally it is my hand and everybody is okay with that. You have to be like you know what, Um, I have to not be okay with this and um you

know so so it. It's challenging, but you know, you work through to it and work at it, and you just keep trying, you know. I was like I do with my kids, like I'm gonna tell you want I'm gonna tell you twice, i gonna tell you a thousand times, but I'm gonna keep saying it because that's the only way that things will will work. If I give up, then what's the point? You know? Do you know what the number one occupation for cheating is number one occupation

for sent it you guys? Uh doctors? Is it? Doctors? Yeah? You remember that from a previous episode. Yeah, but what kind of doctors? Because I'm like, nobody in the hospital tells me anything. I'm so sleeping, like yeah, because I'm not in it. And we were like, well, you're married, you have kids. I'm like, but I want to know I still want the tea. Yeah, my lifelihood, But is it ever, like do doctor other people ever hit on you, like because you're around people obviously, especially when you're in

your residency a lot. Girl, I have been pregnant so much, you know, like you guys like pregnant sex. God know that's something guy like pregnant women. I didn't find that out and I was like, why are you talking to me? But it wasn't at work, But are you serious people hit on you while you were pregnant? I was disgusted because I was like, this is like this is gross, Like who you know? Yeah? Does that even go down? Like how do you even have the nerve to approach

to pregnant women? That's what being a man and just you know, like like complimenting you and like like why are you what are you talking about holding that pregnancy? Well my looking around, Yeah no I'm not really. If I have had people at work, I'm very oblivious. I'm like literally I go to work to work and I look if they do, I don't notice it. But I've spent like half of my adult life literally pregnant, and

I'm like this is like what is it? Period? But so can you never had any like insecurities about you? Was there of any issues because you're a very attractive woman? Was he ever insecure? Because men try to act like I think they are cool with everything, have it together, but they do have insecurities. Yeah, I think. I mean, I think all smart men are insecure, you know what I mean. I think it would be foolish not to me, you know, and um, so you know, of course, but

I'm like, maybe that's why I've been pregnant. Okay, nowhere, you can't exactly because imagine telling a guy like, if you don't do it, another man will. You can't ever say something like that though, oh my god, girl hard on a man. You can't say things like that to men. You can't say that to us either, because it makes think that you're already thinking about getting out to do it.

You know. That's because that's how they think exactly. Like what in college, my friend's boyfriend told her we were about to go out, and he was like, oh, no, I need you to help me do my laundry. And she was like, me and are going out? Like you can do your own lundry. He was like, it's cool, I'll get someone else to help me. All my Jesus, I would it wouldn't be no laundry. You know that. You think I would have got married, so I guess it. But still it worked out. I would have been like

all that bleached out on your black clothes. That's selfish, that's very selfish. But I'm never the type of person to tell somebody not to do what you want to do, like I ain't gonna tell you, as a friend saying I'm not gonna tell her, Like no, I fint that he shouldn't tell you that that. I was like, okay, I mean, if that's what you want to do, did you guys talk about it later? Like ever? Like she was upset about it, you know, and I think maybe

they had their own conversation with each other afterward. But it's a foul thing to say to somebody. I mean, it shows that he has somebody on the lineup, you know, tell somebody's even Yeah, I mean for a man to say it likely they because imagine that she would have said that to him. How his reaction would have been, Oh god, he could he But we were only in college, so you know that means that he he started early.

He knew that that game real early. But they've been married for a long time now, so I guess they've gotten over certain things. You know how it is when you have I'm sure like early on in your relationship there were things that happened that you you could have had a choice to either stay or go right, because I think early on guys make mistakes. We make mistakes, and either you work through it early on or you don't and we do grow right because there's those young mistakes.

Like I think about things that I did. I was disrespectful when I was younger. You know what. Every one of my exits tells me that I always chose my friends over them. It was true though I did do that. I'm not like that anymore because I'm lazy, so I'd rather go home and be with Eddie y'all. But I will say when I was younger, I was like that, Did you do it to almost like be defiant? Did you would rather hang out with your friends? Did? My friends were like so important to me growing up, And

you know what's funny. So I've been working up my book and one thing I did talk I talked to my ex boyfriend who I was with for a long time and we never like really just well we did. We broke up because he us a cheat on me a lot, right, But we talked about like how he always felt like I was choosing other things over him. He never told me that before, but I was like, I did need to do that. I was like, why did you say something? He was like, I don't know.

Maybe it was my ego. I thought one day you would just you know, but you guys are friends now you speak, Yeah, we're cool. Sometimes that's good. It was. It was a long time ago, and you know, I was, I was, you know how we are. We're over it before they know over here, as you can see in many situations, yeah, we're over it before we even leave them. Were like mentally like I've been that was almost year about to be done. Now. You see, Wendy Williams is

dating a guy who's twenty eight years old. I did not know that. I saw that today. I keep seeing his hand, Yeah, eight year old hands. Yeah? Why did she his hands? Does she keep posting a picture of them holding hands? But it's like just their hands? Is it like a like a baby hand, like kind of like Chevy manthing? Any work? They said he works in finance. Also it's smooth and like motion and soft supple. Where did she find him? Did she him like Craigslist or something?

I don't know. I have no idea he was on because they weren't TMB. So you saw him in the car next to her, and he was looking like ship like some one you know TMZ but you know somebody sent me a d M. And they were like, Angela, you're talking about money Williams dating somebody else and you should be like this is wrong because she's just getting out of a relationship, and as a woman, you should

be saying, don't jump into something else. And I was like, first of all, I don't even know her, really what what? I don't even understand what I understand? What's right? My thing is that do what you gotta do. Like they're saying like you shouldn't be happy for her, or you you're not happy enough for her? Reported on it. I didn't really get my reported it. I guess they wanted

me to be like, this is terrible. You need to take time to heal why first of all, especially coming out of you like he especially especially because of why they broke up. They broke up because he already clearly moved on and do him baby, don't see I don't even know about that. Yeah, her husband had a baby with somebody else. And how how was the baby when she found out that he had a baby? Like was a woman from the baby? Yeah? It was like announced together.

Oh yeah, No, she needs to have like five men right now, sing like and like, honestly, I feel like I'll keep going back to the awful relationship because the guys that are trying to pick me up aren't quick enough where we wack up there immediately like like all right, I'm single, now this is your chance. But guys are intimidated too by like by by beautiful women. They are they really they're all smart. Man's insecure. No, I'm just a little bit. So it won't tell you what's the

best way to get over a break up. Then you think so sometimes that makes it worse. Ain't been wrong with a little rebound to find a guy that's cool like that, and then sentence it's more depressing. But it may not be. It may not be the man that you like. You don't have to want to be with him forever, just likever whent at with a distraction and then being like why the fund did I waste my time?

I have tried a distraction and thestraction of such a cornball, and it's like it makes you miss person you're missing, But you kind of have to know that. Like, look, I know, I'm just to yourself, like I tell my friends, like you know what you're doing. You know that you are just feeling to wasting some time and you probably are not allowing the energy of the person that you want in your life right now. So if you're cool

with that, then keep doing it. And if not, then you're gonna have to like be comfortable being by yourself for a little while. And it may be a day and out the year. You know, you don't know, but you're blocking I think you block that energy. But as long as you're aware of it, like I mean, I think whatever it works for you. But I do feel like a bad date could like make you any more miss It can make you go back to a horrible relationship.

But I also I'm not saying of keeping busy. I think that's important, marrying yourself in work or your career, spending more time with your children, doing things for yourself to make you feel better about yourself. Things always that I was able to get over break ups, but then I ended up going back to his aunts anyway. So that's what Angel always says, that we're busy. Listen, I'm so busy that like I'll get in a fight with my boyfriend and forget I got in a fight, right,

or you'll forget what it was about. You're like, I know, I was mad at him for something. What was it? Anyway? All right? Let me or like, yes, I think that's important because when you're not busy, you end up, you know, searching social media looking for the person doing who's commenting on his page, data da dada, and then you're like sitting around like I don't have nothing to do. I'm so bored, I'm lonely. I don't have any friends. You know,

your friends. I have no friends, I have no like And then you're like, okay, you know what, I'm just call him and that's how. But if you're busy and like moving around and forcing yourself to do things, I think that's an important anything to do, and it works. I agree, and I think everyone should be busy anyway, you know, without I mean, it's just it's important for us, it's important for you to be, you know, valid in who you are without um, someone else being a part

of your validations. You're already quite busy, I am. I that's all that I know is to be like I don't even know anything different, but to be busy. Now, you decided to write this book about parenting. How long did it take you to write it? Um? Technically it took about in a year a little bit, yes, less than a year. But I started it like nine years ago.

And I found some notes that I had written when I was saying that I should be doing something else with my life and it and I was moving, and my sister was like, I think you should see some stuff you wrote down. I looked in the book. I had just gotten the first copy of it that week, and I had written the date and it was, um, it was right before I got pregnant with casts, so it was two thousand Um, shoot, what do you It was two thousand nine. And I was like summing it up,

and I think I should write a book. And that week I had gotten of my first copy of Life of my book, and I was like and I and I wrote it on like a day planner. I tore out some sheets so it was like, you know, just random writing, and my sister found it and I was like, wow, this is not amazing that I wrote this down. And because I remember having a conversation with Kenya, but I didn't remember that I had written down all the notes

I had written down. So I started taking notes of just situations with the kids, of like someone told me just write stuff down, writes stuf down. I'm like, I'll remember, and they're like you won't. Yeah. So that was, you know, like super important for me that I don't remember what I was thinking five minutes ago, right, and it gets worse and words as you like, I really think I have like pregnant brains, Like I can't remember. I'm like, you know the thing you put food in, it keeps

it full cold like refrigerator, that thing. Like literally, I like I can't remember anything at all, and it's really bad. So me having those notes was important. And then when the time came, I was ready. So now you've also been open about Danny my postpartum depression. How did you know the signs of that, because I think some women have that and some men with women who had that, but they don't know what it is. It was. It was. I did not know until I knew until it happened.

You know, I probably had a very mild postpartum with probably the second one, but it was with the third one, and I being a mom Christmas, I try to do everything myself. Wrap all the gifts, get all you know, decorations, ready, baked the cookies and and um my third daughter was um, like two weeks old. I was doing all this stuff and um, I was. I knew. I was like a zombie. I was out of it. And I may have laid down for a little bit before the kids got up

to open their stuff. And that morning someone was like, how are you? And I just started crying and I was like, oh my god, what is wrong with me? So it was it was undeniable, but like I'm sure I had been feeling sad up until that day, but um, yeah, there was. It was like, okay, everything shut down, Like my mom and my sisters came over, and one of my sisters, she was living up north, she came to

stay with me. I was like, wow, this is crazy, like you like, I know what stuffing is wrong with me, but I can't control it, Like I can't fix it and I can't control it. So what helps you was

having your tribe of people around you to help. Yeah, yeah, no, I and I I went to, um, you know, I called my old be and she was like, you know, I want you to go and see um a psychiatry risk and it was it was a black lady and you know, like that was helpful, just you know, talking and I had to take medication for a little while and it was super super super important and like literally

saved me because it's it's weird. It's weird to be experiencing something and you're like I know that this isn't right, but I can't do and there's nothing like I can't I literally can't help it. So um, you know, and we everything you know in the black community is like just go pray about it, and it's like, you know, right, I did prayer and prayer told me to see it's

like exactly. So, um, you know, I think it's important to to talk about it and tell people because I think that's what takes the shame and the you know, stigma away from it because it's such a common thing, but for some reason, people aren't so open about it. You know what. It's so interesting. I remember are talking to a psychiatrist about like, how did I feel about like the baby? And I was like, I was like, well, I love the baby, you know, I was. I was like,

it's me that I feel like sucks. And I think that people gets scared or you know, maybe embarrassed that um, that's my oldest baby there, that um about to get crazy. I don't know she's but you know, I think people don't want to feel like if they're having some negative feelings about the baby, then it's even like, oh no,

I'm really a bad person. And so you know, and everyone is different and you know, each experience is different, but it was, it was I was very blessed and to have you know, people that supported me and that understood and and wanted, you know, the best for me as well. And Kenya you know, he really he really did too. He was like, oh, ship, can you guys come over here. They just say some men get that too.

I believe that, I mean he got um. I don't know if at that time because I literally can't think of anyone but myself, but he definitely I think every time I was pregnant was he changed you know a little bit during those times, but it was always a good time as I was a blessing for us. Like literally, I feel like babies are blessings and miracles. I really really, really really really believe that. Yeah, absolutely, we left. We see daughter all the time. It's amazing that she's like

a grown up now she's two. She once a birthday. Okay, and Stephanie, you get to see your son all the time now they are now that we're back in New York. But he looks at his father. He's gonna be thirteen and a few days. Wow, y'all got some little adults. Yeah, my son is big thirteen is it's hormonal? Yeah, he's a boy right now. Like I tried to be more in his face than he actually wants me to be, and his face is like, okay, mom, I think about how bad I was when I was thirteen, and um,

but girls are different than that. Girls. I mean boys I at thirteen, are they already doing stuff that girls are doing? Or my brother was way better than I was. He's older than me, and I was like the bad one. That he is a good one. He would like telling me all the time, how much older is he? He's only a year and three months. That he was always telling on me. And then because he was always telling me, I would like make up ship that he was doing

because he wasn't doing well he did. I'd be like, well, you know he was because he was always telling on me, but I was really doing bad, and you just would make up stuff again, and then I would make it. He was like, what why was he telling? What did

he say? He just wanted you to be in trouble? Yeah, Like I would cut school some times, or sometimes like we moved to New Jersey when I was fifteam and I would like leave and take the train back to New York all the time because I was like devastated at first, and he would tell on me with that, I would have boys over. He would tell me with that. I'm like, damn, Like you can't get your own life. Do some of your do some should be supportive of this,

like time for me. Isn't that when brothers and sisters are supposed to do? You know? That's why I tell Yeah, I tell them, I'm like, look, unless something like your sibling is doing something that's gonna harm themselves, yes, of course I want to know about it, but your relationship with each other is more important. Than my relationship with any of you because you guys have each other and so don't come and tell me no bullshit. My parents

say that most parents do. You like, don't be here snitching all right, because you know I'm serious, because I'm like, you're gonna need your siblings one day and like I'm gonna be not here. I'm gonna be going like you guys have a life, and you like like leave me out of unless it's danger somebody's gonna be hurt or you know, other than that. Don't like, of course I want to know, but I just feel like that's not fair. That's a lot of pressure on kids when parents are like,

what's your sibling doing? You can tell me, So I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna saying. You know, they're like ass up to they have punishment for two years. You're like, damn, she told me she wasn't say anything. So man, I feel bad you're doing here because it's next question. It's okay where she's good. I would tell you. So, you have six kids, so that means your sex life was popping. Was there ever a time that things got like stagnant or you guys have a different type of sex drive.

I think, yeah, yeah, she can go out she was. I think that's any I think, yes, any relationship. Yeah, I think it's like, you know, isn't it great when you both feel the same thing at the same time? And how often does that happen? Like it's like two days when we're like on the same page, and then it's like I love you more than the other. It's like, yeah, I don't love you that much, and and I love you, you know, and it's it's a cycle, so you know, I definitely think that that is kind of always how

things are. But as I've gotten older, I know I have definitely changed. Like I was saying earlier, I feel like like with young girls you were like your friends who were like corning when they were young. I'm like, like that, I don't even you know. I feel like it's taking a long time for me as a woman, Like I feel like it takes time to come into your sexuality, into um just being comfortable with like I am not just here for you, like you're actually here

for me. Knowing your body. I feel like as I've gotten older, I know my body more, not just sexually, but just like I can tell my cycle is coming. You know, I can tell when I'm bloated, little different things, all right, I used to have that never, but yeah, it's like different things. I can tell about my body, how I'm feeling, and versus when I was younger, I would be confused, like what's going on? And I was like, this is what this is. She got her vagina. Imagine

the rejuvenation. It's nice. A laser, one la, just a little lazer. It was nice. She said that. Well, can we say yes? Since she said it makes him come so fast that sometimes I feel like, but it's not that sad, but I have noticed that since I've gotten it done, things are ending a little more quicker than they have been in the past. It feels better to me, It does feel better. Sex definitely feels better to me, and then return it should feel better to him, which

is why so fast does he say it feels better? No, we actually haven't talked about it. You safe, wait did you? I didn't tell him because I wanted to see what his reaction was gonna be. And then I saw his reaction and I was like, I don't even to mention it, and I just never tell he was never talking about

never talked about. But I didn't because I did it because not because I wanted it for sexual reasons, but because I was releasing a little bit of yurine when I would call for sneeze sometimes, and it became to be embarrassing for me. No, I I understand, Yeah, it began to be embarrassing for me. So, um, I had spoke to someone that had brought it up and told me that they did that, and I'm like, all right, I'm looking to it. And then I found a place and I went and did it and that that part worked.

But so, okay, that's interesting because it's not necessarily Um, I don't think it's like a proven treatment. It isn't. It isn't. And when I went because I'm one of those type of people that I'm going to read up on stuff and research stuff and ask questions and get you know, doctor's opinions and something like that. So I actually went to my gowna colleges before I did this treatment, and I told him that that's what I was doing it why He's like, no, he's like, this a gimmick.

He said, it will make it vagina tighter, but it's not going to fix that problem. It has helped, but it might not be a permanent fix for that problem. So who knows, I might coughing people myself again, I don't know. You know what sex is good right now? That's that's good, that's import I mean the vaginasm myself, so you know, yes, and the exactly say the practic. The nurse spectations who did the procedure told me that to keego forever. Don't stop keiggling, and she said, don't Paul,

don't hold it, don't stop giggling, don't stop giggling. And you got to do keegoes when you're having sex. Yes, you do. Oh that's fun, that goes. I love God. But you have to think about it. I know it does kind of take away from the right because you're mine and you want to do it at the right time, Like when he's pulling away, you want to be grabbing back. You go back and he's pulling away, you want to grab So it is like you do have to pay

attention to do that. But if you think, if you do it more often and you have to think about it less because natural it doesn't come natural to me yet. But I guess I should think about it more, think about it more, and then it becomes natural and then you don't have to think about it and it just becomes like, you know, this is just what we did, what I do. So you were enjoying going out and like now that you have this book right out and I saw you've been doing a lot of press and everything.

So have you ever been like a little bit where you're being in the spotlight and doing these interviews and doing press or are you okay with it? Um? No. I made a very conscious decision, like before I started even promoting the book of you know, how I was going to approach the situation. And then I felt like I'm either you know, I would either do stuff the whole way or I'm not going to do it at all.

You know, like I'm not gonna do anything half ass and I'm not going to go out here and be like, oh yeah, things are great and you know, and I'm like, it was important for me to to be open, to be real, to be transparent and um two, you know, do the promotions myself. Um So it was it can it is definitely not comfortable, but I do again, I do think it's important. I really really you're doing a great job to be the most different one you've done so far. It is It's like, no, I love it.

I love it. I think this is important because I think we don't do this enough, like with each other and for each other, and I think it's so so, so so important. Like you know, I I talked to my kids about sex and my um. I've talked to all the girls and my first boy. And the boy though, was the first one that came and asked me. He asked you first. He asked me first, and he's like, so, if any of my sisters ask you, and I don't know, you're the first one to you know, come to me.

But I do think, you know, just talking about your body, and you know, because I think talking about sex is not just sex. It's like, you know, I want them to know about their body and you know, like it's okay to masturbate. It's better to masturbate than it is to go into you know, have sex with someone, and you know, just we I try to be open with them, and I feel like that's kind of what what this is like. We get to be open with each other.

That's good. And I appreciate you for saying that because we do have great conversations about sex so that people can see whatever it is that you decide willingly to do with your partner is okay exactly. People may like things that you know I wouldn't do. People may not do that they that I would do, But that's fine. We love to hear about it though, right, And even though it's always a little bit discussion, even on this, you know, show you ladies, I've heard you all say

different things. You know, somebody likes this or doesn't like this. And I do think that it's important because we put these labels on each other and you know what's normal, And I'm like, normal, how do you define what's normal? Uh? You know, is it greater than fifty of you know, any given population is doing it? So to me, I, you know, just think people sharing their experiences and what you know they like or don't like. And I think

it is so important. I feel like, especially as women like, we need to talk to each other more often and be just supportive, supportive and open and not judgmental. I agree with that. I don't never call nobody a slept, a hole or none of those things unless I'm mad at h bit, right, man, But I feel like this, if you are single and you're sleeping with whoever you want that single and you're doing those things and making those decisions about your own body, you should be able

to do what you want to do. Absolutely, don't tell nobody's man, right, or if you do, man, be like, be honest about it. You know what I'm saying something like you would be surprised what people would be tolerant of if you would be honest. I feel like so sad that are not honest, And it's like some people are okay with a lot of stuff, but don't be a fucking sneaky person. Like if somebody's man called you, I mean somebody's girl called you and was like, are

you talking my man? Would you be like, yes, I am. It depends on what you're talking about. I feel like that's as you might not even know that that's her man. Wait, wait, and who are you calling me about? Because he wasn't sure that we're talking about the same person. But let's just say you did, Like, would you if the girl calls you're the one having sex with this guy and if you didn't know about it, Yeah, let's say you get't know about her. That such a hard question. I

want to feed into this argument right now? Or do I just want to hang up and deal with it how I want to deal with it, because now I'm hurt too because I'm with somebody and I didn't know that. But if you did them now, I wouldn't be mussing with them because I'm not the type of person. I was trying to trick questions. Good answer like no, that wasn't. But I feel like as you get older, That's what

I don't understand. As people get older, As women get older, don't you feel like you would you make so much you're this decisions are different and better now, Like you're like, I wouldn't mess with someone's man now when I'm older. When you're younger, you're like, yeah, right, that's I'm like, how do older women like what are you doing? Have you not learned any like life life lessons? Do things

like that? Just keep doing what I'm saying, dumb sh it okay, And then that's and then those are people I feel like they don't deserve any respect. But dudes do, be lying, right, yes they do. Why the guys one guy like what, I don't want to play your name out so I'm not, but guy, somebody looking in their phone, looking at the directions, sweating, sweat beads dropping, Yes, I not. I think they have a very interesting relationship with honesty. I feel like guys lie by mistake. It's just so

natural for them. But it's like it's like it's just just like it's like they fell into pussy into no. But I feel like guys forget about cheating. Of course they're always gonna lie about that, but you don't talk but like dumb shit, like what time did you leave work? I left at four thirty. Meanwhile, they left at twelve o'clock and they were doing but and they weren't even doing anything wrong. Maybe they weren't to a bookstore, or they went to have a drink, a happy hour drink

or something totally innocent about store. Now, my boyfriend like it was they never went to the books. That's a girl. I'm just saying, like, guys they lie just to lie, just by mistake, Like they just lie for no reason, you know what. I do have a son and I'm like this like tried. I'm like, you gotta stop lying. I tell him, I'm like, you don't be known as a dude that people are gonna be like he's cool, but then they could be mine about dumb ship, like

he puts girl. We had hand soap and it was called like Summer Breeze or something right, and it had sand in it, and I'm like, this is so com with sand and sandow I'm not peopleated sand in there. Lit Like when I say he lied to me, I don't know where that came from. As soon as the babysitter caps, he goes, hey, look what I did to the soap. It was a science project. And I was like, what hell you? And what's the big deal about? If that's what I'm dumb ship, Like he's young, he's not girl.

Sand in his hand soap? That was He was like, no, no, no, I don't be believing him. And and sometimes I'm like there's been times where he'll tell me something. I'm like this name, and then I'm like, find he was telling the truth, And then I'm not, I'm like the boy

you cry. That's why I tried to tell him. He thought he told me there was an owl outside one night when I was getting Sup out of the car and he was helping me, like outside and I went back the owl and I came back in the house and I was crying and I felt so I was like, you gotta stop this, You're healing me, Like this is that from this nowhere? Yeah, I don't know, but yes, I that he is a perfect you know, testament to that where I'm like, this is the damage, like stop,

you gotta stop, and he's mommy prom like Roberts. I tell him like, look, there's nothing you could do ever in life that would ever, ever, ever change how I feel about you ever unless you put hand in this. But what will change, what will change our relationship is you lying right me not being able to trust you lying. I'm like, I just what it is, though it is mind boggling, Like it's like and he would come and like, mommy, I understand. I'm so sorry already. But he's such a lover.

He is um you know, he's in the march is He's so he's it's the aries Aries, He's in the Yeah, and he is a lover. He's like, you didn't give me a kiss on the lips. I'm like, get out of here. That's all I even like ladies uh nine, like mommy, give me a kiss on the lift. Lives. He's gonna be a perfect liar. Please do say that. I got stuffed with that out there. I'm not going to do that now. It's a phase. He'll get over it. Yeah, okay, I hope so right, I need everyone today, right and like,

let's wish this way. It's you now. But yeah, that's what I know. Seriously, you know, like everybody knows, like the dudes, and you're like, damn, they're gonna be lying all the time. You don't reason why. Man. I had a friend that lied to me about where he went to school for no, I don't even understand. Why were you gonna care? Either way? It was in high school and he said that he went to this private school. I guess because that's when I was in But he

went to this public school. And so one day I was with him and his boy and he was like, you know, said something that his friends had saithing about his school. I think he went to man Luca King or something like that. And then I was like, wait a minut, and I thought she went to um little I forget what the school was called. And he was like, no, I just said that because they get caught up. Yeah, he was like I just said that because you go

to pipe school. I don't know if he was gonna talk to me, and I was like, I would have liked you better everything anytime. He was going to n y you right. I've seen his mom at b J's and I was like, oh, oh his mom and I was like yes, and my mom said to her to his mom o house. He likeing, m my you. She was like everywhere you please to go to BNCC oh. I was like, I didn't lie to me about that, and then I was embarrassed because my mom was there and said that, and I was like, joy her dinner.

He said lied for no reason, and then I like it was no big deal. Maybe he started like when he was ship, I got ask if you ever put sand in so, and like like like lied, like I haven't, was not me. I don't know how that got there in your eyes, like like I had footage here, No, oh my god, there is footage of Hampton her hands out with that, but something else and I was it was a robotics class and I was like, oh my god, what's wrong with you? It's kind of cute. At the

same time You're like this is weird. A little law your mother little lips. I love you. Well, maybe why don't you let everybody know the book and how they can get it and where they can find you so they can follow you. So, um, the book is uh Bose Guide to Blackish Parenting, um, keeping up with the Johnson's. And it's everywhere, Um, Amazon's easiest place. But it was sold out. We reordered more. Um, you can also get it my Barnes and Nobles. They were sold out to Really,

I was really excited. I'm like, you can't get anywhere in California. Um, but we ordered more. And um, I'm on Instagram at the Real Rainbow th h A. And I'm working on another book as well. I heard you say you are working on a book, So congratulation, thank you. Yeah. What's the next time it's it's it's parenting. It's just much more, um, a little bit more specific. It will be hopefully you'll have me back on the show. It'll

be it'll be a very good topic of conversation. It will be perfect for this yeah spicy, yeah, yeah, Well, thank you so much, and listen, don't forget we do have and this is the last show before our live show. So our live show is June nineteen at Sony Hall. We have a new edition. Dave East is going to be joining us as well as Traina. It's Been to You has an album out as well next week and we also have Devalin, Canine Ellis who have been on Live Service before, and Styles Pete and his wife Agia.

This is an all star Yeah, make sure you get your tickets. It's in all of our links on Instagram and it's a good time. We don't have a we don't have a curfew. Start I'm talking on tequila. We don't have a curfew, so it's gonna be like you know, we're gonna go and go and go, go go. Yeah, that's gonna be. We don't have a curfew. Yeah, we would love for you to come. Yeah. Thank you, Thank you to ye such a good Thank you. Lift service to