Episode 137: Living Single (Feat. Erika Alexander & Eric Bellinger)

I'm glad to be here. Actually, you know what I mean, very bighted. I don't know. You guys are who I want to be, so I'll learn something. No, we're hoping to learn some stuff from you. Good luck, so Erica. I mean, you've had such an illustrious career. Thank you as an actor, producer, everything that you've been doing. Of course, everybody was excited that you were coming in here. Cousin Pam Maxine from Living made a lot of women want to become attorneys. Watch I watch listen, I watch it

in the morning. It comes on in the morning right now. I watch it in the morning. Morning No, I got my daughter. I have a twenty one year old daughter. I got her watching it. She loves it. The fact that you say twenty one daughter is to be fabulous. No. No, the reason I don't watch it is when I catch it, I'm really happy to see it. I'll let you know.

I mean, but I think I was telling you on the Breakfast Club that we didn't get to watch it as we were doing it all those years because we filmed on the same night they would play, and the people did have VHS and you could record it, but you're most likely you didn't. And by the time the network gave us all of the tapes, it just seemed like it was a tremendous strain to look at five years of shows, and by that time we were moving to DVD, the TV c d s and all this stuff.

I was filmed in front of a live studio audience. We did, We did. It was like doing a live play every every day. Not really certainty, discipline, and you had to have your memory, you know, really you know, sort of geared up when you come out of high school, which most of us were coming out of high school. You your your brain actually functions that way. Because you

used to memorizing test dancers and all that age. It's just when you get older that that skill set you have kind of goes away and you might panic a bit. But the truth is it can be built up like a muscle, especially when you smoke. Sometimes conversation and I'm like, wait, I think at my phone, I'd be like what was I about to All the time, I'll bend my right hand, like where is my phone? Kind of my head your hand? All right? So did you have a lot of groupies?

Because I'm so sure that back, you know, and even now because everybody's always excited to see you. But when everything was happening, did you have like a lot of dudes trying to higl at you just to get some cloud? You know, I'd love to say that that was the case. It wasn't, And you know, I wonder about that now looking back, I think I'm relieved, but I don't think I gave out that vibe at all. You know, some people think that you can play a character and the

personally quits the character to you. So they like Max and they like her, you know, her strongness and all that, but then when they see you, they're not sure how to take you. And I think they were very afraid of Max. They were very afraid of her dark skin, her you know, her her locks all that. So when they see me, that's what they give me, sort of just like a little space and how are you doing? And so I didn't get asked on dates at all. I didn't get proposed to nobody. I got married, but

I did. I got married to the second man I ever dated. Yeah, because I didn't date either. I'm a preacher's daughter. And sometimes you also take in and I'm not very religious and wasn't then, but sometimes what you do is you take in a sort of a thing about sex and promiscuous that it's gonna kill your dreams and even kill you. I grew up in the eighties where you not you weren't getting nearroties, you were going

to die from AIDS. And then all the girls that went to school, because I went too for girls high school for girls in Philadelphia, that if you got pregnant at all, or you got himed up with some man, it would absolutely divert you from the thing that they were training you for, which was to go into the world and make a difference. So you avoided sex and men like it was the plague. How did you learn about sex? Then? You know, my mother gave me a book and gave us all a book when we were younger,

and really showed us the mechanisms. I mean it really didn't so I didn't have any you know, I knew what sex was all about, but I didn't know what sexuality was about, and um, sort of giving yourself over to it and enjoying it. That I think I learned, Like a lot of people offer looking at movies and films and TV and women talking about I look at the housewives now, I mean I don't look at it all the time, but sometimes I'm so fascinated by them

and their their ability to be free like that. There was no way that I could feel free enough to talk about half the things that they're just doing and not feel And this is no disrespect like a whore, right, And that's my list. Service is kind of about this podcast. It's kind of like we gotta have these kinds about sex because men are having sex, they can discuss it. It's not a problem. Women should be able to do the same thing. Now, let me ask you this though,

since we're talking about learning about sex. Do you remember the first time ever seeing like a porn. I remember the first time I saw a porn when if you say porn doesn't have to be paper indoor like a porn movie, like actually, move was something that affected you because I remember my first time seeing a porn movie. My parents had him like hidden in the house on VHS, and I remember me and my brother was looking through everything. You know how you go through all your parents stuff,

and we put the tape in. Oh man, I was I can remember the name of the movie. What if it was your parents having that would have been god. But they was putting tapes they recorded on tapes back in a day, right like the video camera my parents us been happening. You know. The thing that affected me was my father, who I say was a preacher. I found some Playboy magazines in the car and it well have affected me because I would have gotten beaten for it.

And there was this man that again was preaching the sort of piousness and then to find this and it affected me. It sort of was telling me that he wasn't who he said. He wasn't true, It wasn't true. I didn't know what to do with at the moment, but I was just sort of saying, you're telling us. You know. He used to say, keep your panties up, keep your dilly dillies in your pants. You know, that was his advice to us. But then here was all

this craziness of people splitting their clitterest open and all that. Yeah, it was a shock. So that was affected by the time my first boyfriend, who was a really great guy, and I have to say it was very gentle with me and and um and very encouraging. You know, always say I, no, Eric, you're sexy. No, you know what you're doing. Yo, you're good at everything. But he really

made me feel no, that doesn't hurt. That showed me that he had porn and and and I was like okay, But because it was around him, it seemed like something that was a stimulant, not that it was anything that. So that was the first time you were a fact and sexually, um supporn. But the first time you saw porn it affected you in a negative way, like what is this? Yeah, because again they make everything around having

sex or being sexual at all like your demon. And then the suddenly feel like, I mean, we couldn't even listen to secular music. He would say, oh, you're gonna go to hell, and all that, I mean, all the stuff you hear is stereotype. That's what we get. But then he would sing like Sam Cook, and he had a great voice, and he would dance. But when it was when it was, he would flip the script and it would become complicated when somebody would try to play

both sides and be a hypocrite, and that's hypocritical. But it's different for your brother than it was like for the girls in the family, because I know they tweat the guys different, yes, and in fact, um they were totally different. Um. You know, we had such a weird differentiation between boy and girl that my father would buy the girl's baby rust and the boy's butterfinger and he would get pot pies and girls would only get chicken

and the boys who could beef. You know, Yeah, it was like, yeah, boys eating beef and girls kids got chicken, and we got smaller, I mean, and and for dainty things. But not only that that if the better things would go to them, and you know, and it made me for a long time, I mean, they hung around men because I thought they have all the good stuff. And to this day I feel maybe probably a little bit

more comfortable around men. But I've been around so many strong women now that I feel okay, no, no, I have I know where I am. And that's crazy because then you were on the show like Leomen's single, where it's like Queen Latifa, who's a strong you know women in the industry, and the women are comfortable around the man. And that's that's been crazy because that's like the total opposite of how you grew up because y'all were to

dominant in the show and you were dominant. Now the women were dominant kind of like kind of played the guys out a lot, like you played Kyle out all the time. Um overton No, he was she was, That was st Clair over to everybody that um that Kadija dated is she always you know what I mean, would always be the dominant one too. That's true. So it's crazy how it's extremely different from your life, but you

played it so well. Well. That's why it's a great fantasy to become an actress, to be all the things that you weren't allowed to be. In fact, it was always in you to be these things. But here's somebody's writing it for you give me permission to go and do it. In fact, the thing that you're seeing that I think works so well because chemistry. When we talked about this, I said, it's hard to find and when you find it, you should cherish it because not everybody

fits together. You have to find balance. But it came from the individuality. Was different from Dana, who grew up with a professor, a teacher, mother, God bless her. She just passed and um her father who was a police officer. She's probably the most middle class of us all and yet she was representing, you know, the street, and I come and I grew up, as I said, in a hotel called Starlight off AU sixty six, and we were dumpster diving for cans and jumping in and that's how

we made our money. And you're knocking on doors asking for jobs, you know, taking out people's trash, cleaning the McMillan building, the army basis. That's who we were, all right. So now that Eric Bellinger is here, we got Eric Bellinger, we got Erica Alexander here. We were just talking about like how we grew up thinking about sex and you know, as women, I think it's different how we're taught about sex as it is for men. So do you remember the first time you learned about sex. I think it's

different for women. I think it's different for men. I think it's different for Christians. You know what I'm saying. I grew up awesome. What you say. We were meant to be together. It was. It wasn't even it wasn't even a talk, thank you. You know um that birds and the bees talk quote unquote. My parents never taught me about sex. They didn't even get around to at

least tell me, you know what what I mean. But now, you know, growing up and you know, having the son on my own and being in the real vibe of what it is, and especially now with its progressed to over the years from even back then. Now it's thrown around so loosely as like you gotta say something, click my son three. I'm like, fam, no, that's too young.

But I'm just saying, like, I just feel like it's better to know you feel me, just so that you're aware because it was so forbidding that I feel like that kind of harm me a little bit. That's fact. You can't act like things. That's so taboo because it makes you kind of weird about it later on in life. Exactly do you remember the first time you have sex? For sure? You remember Erica what that was like? Yes,

I do, I do again. That was my first boyfriend and he was very kind and you know, it's kind as he was encouraging, and it didn't feel like the first time I had sex because he's already touched me in a gentle way and so him sticking it in it was deep for me. Because my father was a preacher, so I think, no doubt let him go because do too much with that my so we have a lyricist. You know he's gonna provide me. I said, this is

this sucks. I actually don't like him here, I can't anything, but you know, but I think I was after and I'd say after that point, I was feeling guilty because I had um uh, I had disappointed God's expectation of me, and I beat myself up over it. I started to have panic attacks. I started to ask myself, um uh, beg for forgiveness, but still do it. And then I realized I can't be a hypocrite because of what I

said told you earlier. My father I thought was. So I told myself that I was going to give up religion in that way because I thought, if I'm going to hell, then a lot of people, we all are, and I'd rather be truthful to who I am. And said, well, if he's going to put send me to hell for for giving love and you know I receiving it, then I guess I'm hell bound. But I'm telling you that was always. That was all during the Gulf War years and a lot of things were very existential, and I

was feeling very vulnerable. And you think about your soul in those times and in the afterlife, and so to me, sex wasn't just sex. It was who you were going to be and who God thought you were. What was your first time me m over the Golden rule? Golden rule? Uh? Dolphins? Literally, I think I believe that you that you it's karmak and that I don't believe that that's what it was meant to do, was to punish us. And then I think that you punish yourself if you give um so

liberally that you don't respect yourself, that's different. But you're giving, you know what you're doing, and the person's accepting and it's you know, and it's recipient. Yeah, I think God bless you and you know and and and you think and God's grace. Hey, right, amen, I don't think I'm

going up. Definitely, You're exactly right, Eric. Why even though I had a baby without getting married, and you know, I've done a lot of things that you know, probably the Bible wouldn't agree with in my lifetime, But I still think I'm going to have it. And I still think I'm in godsips for forgiveness. I don't and I don't continue to sin. I don't, you know, I little dick never hurt nobody more. Yeah, I mean, ike, I smoke right right? You remember your first time? Yeah, well

vibes it was back to her first time. No, she was a little older than me, but you know I was I was really into I'm gonna wait until I get married vibe. That was what I was on. That was your vibe. That was my vibe. She was a senior though, So how did you say you were three? Because you just said your son got to talk? She was senior. She was senior. She was like, you know, I was pro and I was like then, you know, she got me with but we're gonna get married. Anyway

in the hood, what great were you in? I was in grade. She was nervous. That's not bad at all. I mean it's bad, but it's clearly not because she was like, we're gonna get me. She wasn't she she was was she was, she was, she was, she would Okay, it was like, we're gonna get married, and it was in love. It for me at sixteen and seventeen, it was our version, so it was like, are you right, we're gonna get married? Long did that last? That's three.

I think I had sex. I think we broke up with some crazy but we were so we were so young, Like it was like our parents broke us up for us. You know, it was crazy. They didn't want you guys together. It was, yeah, because they found out about all kind of crazy stuff to the point where my mom was like, Yo, he's not good to be around your daughter, and her mom was like, she's not good to be around your son. You know what I mean, like crazy crazy. I don't

think my first time having sex. I don't think we did it right. I think we were just like hunching and then I think he came in. Yeah, we were brom virgin. That's cute. We were both virgins, and I don't think we really did it like to this day. My first time had a sex episode. Yeah, yeah, I don't think it really did. He attempted, but I don't think it really worked. No. Mine was so bad. I didn't have sex for two years after that. It was that bad because I think this is terrible. People like

them a good time. My first time did it hurt? It hurt, and it was quick and then I bled and then I felt mad different after I was like, I remember walking around like I'm not a virgin anymore. I don't know. And then I would think I lost my virgin and cheek to a bicycle seat that was missing. I'm not kidding. When I was young, I hit a bump. I just realized gin and juice is bringing out a

lot of things. I was on a bike and I was going up hill and and it was that bicycle seat wouldn't know just the pole and it went down and I bled like a dog. Oh my goshy to the doctors. And I remember my father pacing and not letting my feet touch the floor and um them looking and yeah and uh. And then I had to sit on Maxi pads. I haven't thought of this in a long time, Maxi pads. And he would have the kids come and play in front of me so I wouldn't have to move. I think I was about it's probably

about seven or race. But yeah, good time. She probably stop her high man for sure you might helped out. Yeah, that was more than breaking your hand. You know, I only had a little bit of wood broke her. You know, after we fake had sex and I thought we like, you know, we we thought we had sex and we didn't. We stopped talking. He stopped talking to me for whatever reason, and I called him like, I'm pregnant. I wasn't pregnant.

Oh my god to me. So I think he told me if I told him I was pregnant that he would want to talk to me. You do that, fake pregnant? It like four teen, I'm not gonna lie. So lame for that. He was like, when did you do what? You think you were pregnant? I knew I wasn't actually just trying to get him to talk to me because he was. He didn't really connect really, no, no, no, you know my sisters went two younger sisters with the

give my love to my sisters. Now you told him, you do you tell me lose it because that happened to me too. Somebody tell me it's pregnant before he knew I wasn't pregnant. Somebody told you they lost the baby. Yeah, that's off. How do you know it wasn't true. I just didn't believe it from jump, Yeah, it was probably a lie. It wasn't. I didn't believe it wasn't. And then when she was like all right, I lost it right and then yeah, and it was just like, what

did you come into. I heard that girls used to do that abortion spunger all the time. You knew how he was pregnant, to get a little four hundreds out of it. Oh, I didn't all trouble. Yeah, a kind of on, he said. I think that's why, you know what, I think, that's why for the rest of my life I was always paranoid, even with it's always because I remember she told me she was you're that guy at a pool out even with a condom. No, I know

a guy that's so terri feel like that. I'm saying after when you said younger, you felt like you felt bad about it. You know what I'm saying. I think that's what I after. I just be paranoid, like she has twints. I guaranteed you, you know, like when I lost my virginity, like I was with the guy. He was more experienced than me, and I didn't like him anymore after. It was weird because like I didn't like it. It just wasn't That's how I was. It was I told you I had sex one Yeah, I was like,

I'm not doing this, this is whack. I was cool. He started like being weird and like popping up to my house and like leaving Teddy Bears at my door because like I wouldn't answer his phone calls. Like I just felt discussed it. I don't know what it was, but I did not like him. No Mark, he couldn't touch me, not that I was like, stay the funk away from me. And now see I had did He

lived around the corner for me. I did in for like three years, and so he would always try to have sex with me and I'd be like no, no, no, right before he was about to put it in, I feel like I changed my mind. I can't do it, and I just was never I wanted Yeah. So then one day he just put it in. Anyway, that's ripe. What's his name? Like, what's no he died in like a motorcycle accident or something. But anyway, yeah, sorry, I know, and I found out on Facebook. But anyway, So I

would be like no, no, no, don't do it. And then I'd be like, okay, I'm gonna do it. No no, no, don't do it. And then this one day he just put it in, give it up. And it was mad quick and it was over, and I was like, it's terrible, so bad. I was like, this is awful. What what he got a question? All right? Have you come on? Go go comt I know, but it's like it's happened in Compton, right in the heart, right in the heart.

I just remember that first time situation. And it was the first time situation, right and when on with it? Come on with it, long dramatic post. It was too juicy, that's my point. Okay, okay, let's go, let's go. It was too juicy. I got up at the end of the evening, turned on the light and it was blood. Oh that kind of drying. She was a virgin. Wait, wait, she was a virgin. It was her first time it worked her buriant or what was the first time? She was the first time, so give me that she was

a virgin. So he made her know, like for me, when I lost my virginity, When I lost my virginity, everybody's different. When I lost my virginia. We've spoken about this before. I had to unexperience like Erica's. I had a guy who loved me a lie. He was very giants and encouraging. It didn't hurt, it was it was good, it was nice. I really liked it. But then Angela got raped her first time. I didn't leave, but I think that I had already stretched my ship out. So

but it was three years. I don't know. But everybody that dancing, so she probably been broke her hand that you I didn't believe. I've wait a minute, how that sounds. That sounds like period? She probably did. You know, No, I have I have a girl, my one of my best friends. She lost her virginity. She lost her virginity to an older man and he was very well and dw that's how you say it, yeah and um and and she said that you so bad they have to buy a new mattress. Like she led a buy a

new matches? Who paid for that? Like? She bled? So like the way you said, just so, this show was supposed to curage. She's my boy friends. We've never got this part with the blood and stuff, like I've never before she said, We're supposed to be encouraging women for a second room er. You want to talk about lingerie and blood? Yeah, I get the blood blood blood. Let's go to the lingerie because we were having a discussion about lingerie and when out the lingerie and use it?

So do you? Yes? Yes, I believe that men are very visual creatures and I think that you present them something uh you know, tantalizing and it makes me feel good to do it if my stomach is not sticking to look thinks I love her? Yeah, and I suck it in. Yeah, what you want? I mean, you got you gotta faster that night, honey, I gotta two days. But you guys, you guys, pay attention to that because I know we're very self conscious about how we look.

But it doesn't matter to you all. Really, you know, I don't think so I don't think it matters because you know, but again, I feel like a I think it may be a help. You know what I'm saying, Maybe like maybe y'all think no, I think we over there. It's probably you know, you gotta still factor in chemistry, vibe. You gotta you know that. I feel like guys don't care about lingerie until they care about lingerie, you know what I mean. It's like everything is normal, everything is fine.

But wait, why why don't you wear Lingerrate for me? Now? I want you to wear Lingerrate. I don't want to evering. That's what I just go straight to being new. Why are you buying it if you're not wearing it. I don't buy it. It doesn't it. I don't even wear underwear it off and never wear it. I only wear

bras because I have to break friend. I feel like it's like from the public, the current and the criminal, my current boyfriend, the guy I've been ready for a while, Like when I first got with him, I wouldn't get back to that awhere like I had said, I said, when do you decide to put it on? And he's commenting on it, like do you be like all right linger right time? And then you running the bathroom like

I'm getting into it. I think it's kind of fire when you wear the lingerie under your regular clothes, and then you know, you start sucking and it's like, oh, okay, so and then it becomes like a present, like okay, and then that goes off to But you know when people be like I'm gonna go put something secono, I think it's like when I'm gonn slip into something uncomfortable, I'm gonna go put on some shoes. I don't do

that either. No. Let me tell you when I first, when I first got with the guy that I'm dating now, he um, he used to get excited when I would come and I will be wearing a pair of pants with no panties on. He would get so excited that chafe understand the sacrifice no infection. So you know, later on in the relationship, you know, I just felt like moving on and wearing panties more than like, I didn't care if it excited him anymore, you know what I mean? Right?

And GJ doesn't wear a panty, no, but I have juices, I wear panties, and now I'm no, but now now I wear panties and he's even more excited about it, like he like he liked it, Like when when I'm not wearing panties. Like if I'm wearing a pair of tightes with no panties and I go to him, He's like, why are you not wearing panties? You know when before it was like, oh, you're not wearing panties. I would hate for my tod not be wearing his panties. But now when I show up, it's like he's looking and

he's looking to see what panties I'm wearing. That Are you wearing panties? Definitely? Always brief yeah, always always, that's a brief looks like, but when do you not wear panties? Uh? Maybe when I'm doing yoga? Okay, we just learned that. Eric, does you know you're dog swinging downward dogs? Eric? I must stay now, I must say. I don't want to say no, now, I must stay now. I must say I like to be pousable. But normally, you know, this

is always it's definitely wearing short. Yeah, there's lots of stuff falling that, the boss falling, the mass. I definitely want my mat behind you. I have a crooking yeah. And for women, I feel like, uh yeah, definitely have them all. Isn't it awkward thought where underwear. For guys, I feel like your boss be stuck to like your thoughts if you don't. Yeah right, you're talking about the other ones that you know, like if you don't have underwear yea. Also they don't stick to your thie. Oh

see I don't. That's what I'm saying. That's uncomfortable. Then a whole day when you zipping up your pants, you're like, you be careful, stuck in a zipper movie with up. That happened to my dad something, Yeah, he zipped that's again, that's a second. Um. Something about because that's real. Something about Mary was a really great one. I really like that. Crazy.

I don't even want a chance. Now for Eric and Erica, you guys both now, Erica you were married to a man who's creative, and Eric you are also married to a woman who is creative. That's my fan a maya. Yes, Now do you think you could be with somebody that was like completely the opposite from you? Man, I've tried everything, so where we want to go with it? Because m you know, being with a woman that isn't in it,

it's tough for them to understand what it is. Will Amia, she had so much experience, and she kind of just encouraged me. You know, she encourages me, like go go go, even more than I want to. I'm not really trying to be home because I have a family. I got a little son that's three years old, so I don't want to spend the second way from him, you know. But when it's time to work and I'm like I gotta go again, I gotta go, She's like, just go

live your best life. Have fun, you know, because you never know, you know what i mean, Like the moment could be gone, you know, so just enjoy it. And you know, because for her, she's like I did it and I'm not doing it anymore, So just live. She pushes me and encourages me with it. So it works for her, but a lot, yes, she understands it completely, you know. And for the girls that don't get it, man, it's just tough. It's like they thinking negative all the time.

They're thinking so much is going down at the studio. They're thinking, you know, it's strippers, you know what I mean, Like girls, just girls. It has been but to just to just have somebody that understands it's just totally different than because then you got to do with the nag and and the arguments, which probably is going in the relationship at some point anyway. Now, Erica, what about you? You were married for how long? Almost twenty years? Almost

twenty years, and you recently got divorced. Well, yes, I'm in the process of divorcing. It's it's probably one of the things that's been very difficult for me. Yeah, but I do feel like you've been going really hard because you have your own production company, media company that launching. That's right, and he's also still my creative partner on the comic book Concrete Park. I mean, he just didn't

get along. Let's tell people was very simple. We just didn't get along and we hadn't ever really gotten along as well as we needed to to create a relationship. And one of the things we were talking about about understanding is there's a certain understanding around people who are artists are let's say free spirits. I think free spirits meaning entrepreneurs who are sort of ordering the world in the way that they're hoping and shaping their uh you can say brand or their goals to be. You kind

of have to you're not in a rigid system. So often their schedules or bizarre, and their alliances and their friends seem you know, could seem shady to you. But you're flying blind and you need somebody who understands that. Most artists really who are successful at all, have great discipline, they have great work ethic, and they are moving towards something in a way that's zig zaggy, but it doesn't mean that there's anything inauthentic to it or wrong or

oh you have to watch out for that person. There's a lot of distrust that comes from people who are used to rigid systems where they go in nine to five and then they shut off at the end. But that's not an artist, and artists thinking the probably about that lyric and that song right then and there, and they need to let me call that person, and you're sort of signing up for that. That's sort of you,

and you are signing up for that. So I think what happens is you're trying to find people who don't see themselves inside of your career as being um um uh like less than and they can they have enough strength inside themselves to see that, if anything, you're running very hard towards something that you can never hit. Your like going like this and running as fast as you can and as long as you can before you burn out. And I think that that takes tremendous courage for a

person to enter a relationship like that. And I don't know if it's a thing about creativity, because I think that artists need to be around people are creative. But if you're in the financial system, you can be creative. You can be somebody that's open to whimsy or uh, you know, destiny, but you have to also most again, people like David Bowie and all these people, they are

business people. They're doing business and sometimes with huge companies and people's um whole lives, uh leverage against whether they do good or bad. That show must do good because it's got twenty people it's feeding. So I I think that when people understand that and they don't see you as well, you know you're doing this and that's not a joke just because I don't work at the post office and you don't get it. But if they get it,

then they fall. And when I say fall in line, meaning they know their place, and I say their place is at the top as a priority, but it's not necessarily in something that fits within the realm of um uh, something that's like stamped out in a pattern. You know. Interesting. You said you guys were together for twenty years but never really got along like that. So how did they last that long? Well, I told you I was had

a religious background. I'm a loyalist. Um I'm I have great loyalty, and I think that once I'm a friend, I'm usually a friend forever. But I also never saw it. My parents weren't made for each other. They were both orphans, and they made it up in front of each other. But I didn't see them happy, not not in the way that I thought that. You struggled, And then I realized that you were supposed to take talking about the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of happiness extends to your

relationships and what you allow. And why are you supposed to be arguing over small things all the time to the point that you're and break down, and then you're only happy among when there's a lot of people in the room and you're not really relating to each other. We can do business because we greatly respected each other. And I respected his mind and his creativity and his and his skills and and I think, I don't think I know that. I mean, I really love the man.

But if you're not really getting along, then you're not able to be intimate. You're not able to love the way you need to. And the artists needs to be loved more importantly, they have to be able to love. There's a great need to extend the love so you can have something to feed you. And if you don't, then you're lonely. I heard so many stories about people who you never I was embarrassed. What can I do know?

And you know what, when um, it's a blessing. Like you said, to find someone who gets it, who gets it when you're working in this business. But and you would expect that when you meet someone who's working in the same business as you, that they would get it. But a lot of times you can people I date guys in entertainment and they don't understand my the way I work, like they don't understand it, Like if I

have to go host a party, I'm a prostitute. A lot of times you know what I'm saying, and it's like, any I feel like you should know the game, you know what I'm doing, you you know exactly what that's what's going on. I just don't understand, like that's that's a blessing to have somebody who gets it. That's the only I hope you do with them. I hope so too. I just hope God, God says me somebody who understands and who loves me for for everything that I am,

for everything out very surely, thank Scots. It's truly sweet. I love this conversation that positive we got. If you ever regretted telling somebody something in which you wouldn't have told them that, Like, you know how we sometimes we share with somebody and you're like, damn, I shared too much. I shouldn't have said all that. Right now, I wish I had not had that gin and juice. I get it now. This is a this is the room of Amazon. I'm not really here. I'm you know, underneath mermaid spell.

So I did what I could, but amazing. You know, I used to be I used to be the most closing person of all times. You know, um My music was my only outlet. You know, if I felt the way about something, it was hard for me to articulate it or get the message across without putting it in a song. You know. So that's why I think I released so much of music early on in my career and even til now, because I just it's easy for

me to write it, you know. But as of lately, it's been just a shift, you know, in my life to where I just feel like the more I talk the better. The more I can get off my chest the better. So you know, I kind of regret not feeling this sooner, you know. So for me, I'm just like trying to explode. Anytime it's like, yeah, let's do an interview, They're like, we only gonna you know, and

make sure to keep it under the tent. I'd be like, I ain't got none, i ain't tripping, you know, just because I'm just feeling so much liberation from opening up. You know. I've been having so much bout it and from me as it's a new thing to just kind of let it all out. I always opening up for you today, Erica. It's a rough ride. I worry about it, and only because it's you know, it's not it's not

that I like him. It takes a certain type of bravery to hope that people understand you pass your words, because sometimes it can come out so clumsy and it's not what I meant to say, or I don't want to hurt anybody that I'm talking about because I have not only great respect, but I also want to protect their privacy and how they a scene in the world. And I haven't spent my life talking about myself at all. Nobody wanted to know what, nobody asked, and I guess

ultimately I was fine with it. But this is a different generation. You guys are a different generation, all of you. But you got I love the father people. You care so much about what you have to say. Yes, they do. Look every time you say something that's like yeah, like you see, I love the way you are articulating, like you remind me of some of the world. The best part about it is that we can tell it's so genuine.

It's just who you are, how you are. You know, I'll be doing this ship okay, so it's just not allthing. But you know, she was so lovely and um, thank you Loriae. Something interesting and she was so lovely. I told her, I said, I was worried about my appearance. I didn't want to seem boring or inauthentic. I spent my life in Arizona and then came to Philadelphia and was in love Philly. But I was country girl while you talk so proper and all that, and I didn't

feel like that was the case at all. But I felt like an outsider inside a place where I should feel like an insider, finally around black people. And then you get to be an insider because somebody says, oh, you can act, and then you're pulled out again and isolated and over and over again. I think people who are in the line like you can understand that that being called forward is sometimes the best and worst thing

that could ever happen to you. And and then you're called forward to talk about things that you've been told your whole life as an artist, and not just recently. It's been a thing to talk about your but that they shouldn't listen to. They shouldn't know about you, they should know about your characters, they should know about uh. The actresses don't even have an opinion politically, And then we're in a time where if you don't speak up now, it could be the life and death of the world.

And we're talking about ourselves and letting people to know that we're real people and that we're real businesses and this is not something that's a character. That I am a real person and that you know, you should know me a little bit more. But does it offend the people who want to see me in a fantasy way who kind of liked it, I'm a little off you know the radar. Well, Mike, I don't mean any harm. I'm just trying to be who I need to be for you right now. People aren't your character. No, that's

like or any of your characters. You are Erica, You're not cousin Pam. You're not amazing. And Will Smith was And Will Smith just came on and said the same thing, like he came from a time where, um, celebrities they needed to have that mystery. They couldn't. They couldn't they could they couldn't voice their opinions. It was very important for them to be private. That's what made them big stars because nobody knew what was going on at a different times. Yeah, and he said, now he's on social

media and it's just like a whole new world. Amazing. He loves it and everyone loves him on there. Now he's really funny. There. Now, let me ask y'all something do you think that you guys were better at having text when you were in your early twenties or now I think I'm better now. I think I would say that you ain't wear panties. Let me tell you all why I don't wear panties. I'm gonna tell you all. I don't wear panties. Panties are underpants right there undergarden.

I was a stripper for most of my adult life, and my underpants wear my pants. So now I don't want to wear them underpants like you know, over pants. I'm over underpants over yeah, like from and And it's the elastic that goes um in between your inner thigh um in between you know, on the outside of the vagina area. It's irritates me under clothes. So I just don't like to wear them. And it's been so long of me not wearing them that when I have to wear them monthly, it's kind of annoying. But I know

that I have to wear them monthly. Monthly, I have to wear that part of them and then and then when I don't have to wear them, I don't like Now if if I have one a dress, were short skirt, then you know I'll wear them because I'm not just going to expose my vagina to the elements. But tights, jeans, sweatpants today, I just don't wear them. I feel like wearing panties keeps me like really fresh and dry all day. Yeah. I have a remedy for that, sayder in your badge.

No no, no, no no. I put the order in my inner thighs and in my butt crack. Wow, because I can't use talcom pattern anymore. You get cancer now, yeah, yeah, you die. It keeps you and keeps fresh and dry. That's the old stripper trick also, but you know, getting back to the question that you ask, I do feel like I'm better at sex now because the same shift I knew when I was funny. I know that's your still I know new ship now. You get what I'm saying.

So you gotta combine. You learn from experience, experienced, batter like wow, when I was younger, though seeing no, not me, I actually feel like older I get the better I get what. I gotta agree with you. I feel like when I was younger, I was more wild. I could take a slap by kick now but Jesus, not okay, not again, not again? Kick you kick you in my

third leg. But I feel like I feel like I used to like it a little rougher when I was a kid, and now now I'm a little older, and I'm like, baby, had like, because then you can't you gotta watch your face. They might hit you too hard. Yeah, I like, I mean, I still like the passionate. I still like the passion, you know, like I still like that that passion and um, you know makeupsess when you're like, oh you're you've been so bad and you're bad girl. I liked that. I still like that, you know, but

not too long ago. I was drunk and you know, you guys know I like a little slap here and there sometimes choke. Yeah, And we was having sex and and the nigger choked me so hard. I was like, excuse me, this guy choke you so hard. I was like, and I was drunk at everything, and I was like, you know what, I took his hand off on my throat and he's laughing, and I'm like, you know what you're doing too much, like you're doing the most. And he's like, you know you like that, and I'm like,

I'm tired. I don't play with that choking ship but let forward. You go too far and that's sorry that has happened to me. I think I think I'm a little I think I'm a little more of a square now. Man. Right now, that's the thing that you end up the stake because they got into it and they're coming. I was watching this, I was watching this like, she don't get chuck and nothing. I think she should choke. If I ain't nobody choking me, you should check someone. Though,

I think trump it happened. Um No, I just feel like, um, when I was younger, I could take a little more pain. Now I'm like, I'm kind of rusty. Like I want to feel good. I want to feel good, like make me single, don't make me you know twitch, I'm not I want to single. I'm not gonna say every night you need the well and go crazy and all that. But on the nights when I have to bring that out, I can bring it out like you can be passing

it and do all that too. But like I said that same, I didn't learn more tricks from twenty to today from when I was twenty years I think the experience I talked about one of them, ya honestly think back. No, but I honestly, I honestly think happy. I have never make track. And it's very weird that y'all hear me saying I never did something sexually on the show, because y'all know I tried this about it. I tell you have so many dms. That's like, girl, you just put

me on. I was like, Eric, she's the only one to here, Eric, she's the only one that's sex from the bag that's not all the time. Don't say it like that's the only one that had variations that position. It's gonna be big. I'm trying to go to bed. Yeah, I don't know, like gott to be open a love things. No, but I'm not gonna getting the tip. Look, that's that's what I got to be. If you only getting the tip, it's not thick and good cutting a call. It's fabulous,

Please cut me. But I feel like I feel like I got head older. But the thing is, but the thing is, when it's been backwards like that, I want to hear about this. I asked what I'm thinking. I don't want particular guy, how it's not that great. It's not that great. It's just you gotta look past the back part. You only you, only like you, only like you, like you're enjoying it because it's never happened. It's like

that's going on. And if you always the string, I'm not gonna lie to take a little bit of talent because you gotta figure out how to do it right, because remember it's on you. Just gotta do it right. Don't make it comfortable. You turn around. She said, she got with somebody dick in their own But did you know it don't work like that? Negative you didn't the curves like he was talking about. Do you have any tips for us? She's like, not no more. When you

crossed the street, turn on right. I'm waiting for a te year from error because I first, you know, I don't even know what's going on right. I don't understand how Dick can roll back here. I don't want to do all that. You know, I don't know if that's created. I mean, you know, the band don't sound like he deserves all that. I don't understand what he deserve. It is what it is. I don't know anybody who can do that kind of trick. Your baby gaming hunts you,

so I don't understand it. But whatever that's here for you stream. What's the what's the question? What's the derivative? Eric? Eric has clutching her pirls right now. Yeah, I had a chance. No, I don't have any tips. I wish I didn't, he said, He going two words more head what more head? More? Yeah, that timp is already given because the thing is it does so much. Listen, we're gonna give you all guys that same tip. That's real

because share you can respect the box? Are you reciprocating that? More? Hid is more? That goes for you too. Okay, it's a giving thing, all right, But what would you rather do? Have? Fair in a black vagina? Black vegina? Oh, no, fear, no fear. I'm definitely a person. It's like I'm a romantic though, it's like, let's go crazy. Is at the same time? Do you like to do the same same time? I'm not a big sixty nine. I want to focus on nine is overrated. It is sixty nine. You're definitely

gonna be the one enjoy the sight. And I do that all the time, like I'll start whatever whatever, and then when I start feeling like it felt real good. Oh yeah, A portion of the sixty nine is over now it's just you. Yeah. I hate when I actually don't have a chip. I just realized, tip and this is real, This is real, And I'm telling this is the ghost of Christmas future talking at you. A right, no doubt, Uh, stay in shape it watch your diet because the truth is it can affect your sex, life, gas,

all sorts of other things that come up. You know, that's real, I'm telling. And when you eat it, that's the way your vagina smells and taste exactly. And then people don't. That's right. And if we don't want they are usually much more receptive and much more aggressive in a way that's very sexual. They don't and it's more

stamind same with women. So I believe that it's when people start to think it's dying off that they just get into an exercise program and start to think about what they eat and and and no, thank you, right Compton from content, he said, it's notes from com from competent making it right. Next song, the next backet, God bless you everything. Now that you're about to be single, are you dating? I am? I am? I yeah, I appreciate too, Yeah, I know it's lovely. I mean, you know,

look I'm not necessarily good at it. I'm somebody hit on me and it's you know, I'm immediately like I'm the worst person to hit on. Its not like because I don't have any game, you know, it's guys just you know, as I don't even like to titter tat, you know, but I appreciate it. And I talk in a way that I think throws people because I'm a little sort of Asperger's But it is what it is that I mean in a good way, you like, you know, like so um, it's it's a wonderful thing. No, I

feel like it's hard for me to day too. That's why I hate when I have a breakup and then I gotta start dating again because I'm such a forward person, Like I don't like to beat around the bush. I don't really like, you know, the fake ship. So it's like I don't believe anything you say. Already I only know you for five minutes' you know what I mean, It's exactly like what are we gonna do? What are we gonna get married? And is it a relief for you? Eric?

Like then I have to worry about stuff like that. No more, He's been it's been over three years now and telling you, I really I think being with the right person is important, you know what I mean. I forced a lot of relationships, like I just try to keep working it out a lot of times, and it was just always tough. But now it's just no effort, you know. It's it's really good. We both respect each other, we both are attracted to each other, you know what

I mean. And I don't know. We don't argue and that has a lot to do and how much not one argument. We don't really argue, like we might talk, but it's not much to argue about right now. But you know what, it's so important to hear something like that because so many people think that when you're in a relationship you have to argue, Like God's what's normal,

you know, And it's okay to have disagreements. You can't agree with your friends, you know, all the time, like you're you're not supposed to agree with your lover all the time. But to have sick arguments all the time, like that's just not normal. You know what, I really feel like part of being in a relationship is knowing how to effectively disagree, because we all are going to disagree at some point, But how do you handle that?

And that's how you can really tell how you feel about a person when you know how to disagree and be like, Okay, we can disagree and we know how to make it happen so that we're not hating each

other and crazy and communicating. I know it sounds so corny when people go, oh, communication is, but the real truth is like when you open up and really get to the point where you could talk to the person that you're in a relationship with and you could be honest, like there's nothing more and nothing better than something like that, where you can really just be like, this is what I don't like, this is what I like, or I need you to do something like this instead of whatever,

instead of when you're holding it in, you know what I mean, And that's when the argument start because you're really holding it in and you feel like, oh, I gotta hate this motherfucker says he always do ah, but you never say it, and then it builds up and then that's when y'all start hating each other and stuff like that. To communicate, yeah, exactly, Erica, how do you like guys to approach you? Now? Can they be like forward. What do you want them to do? Like, how does

somebody get your attention? Smart? Just be smart having read a newspaper? Have you know to be curious? Be open, don't be so rigid, um um be um animated. Don't worry about how you come off. You know what I mean? Life is too short. What if they're a fan of yours? Is that weird? What if they're like a fan of yours? Like, well, I hope they are like they own But no, no, no, it's not it's not like that at all. I don't know. No, no, I meet plenty of people with no idea who I am.

The thing is that I just think that I think that people present themselves through often many insecurities as opposed to the positive things about them. What people what? Sorry, excuse me. Media can prime yourself, prime people to want to play this game, or present themselves as a false narrative of themselves and just just you know, or it's too much you You're coming with everything and at one time, and then people don't get a chance to sort of just take you in and and just it's okay, it's

all good. Before we get out of here, I just want you to plug your media companies, so people know what you have going on because I know you guys a look of her projects right now. That's true, Thank you, Eric. I have a color It's called color Farm Media. And um. A lot of people are talking about inclusivity and what it is to be diverse, and it almost to add nauseum to the point where people don't it doesn't mean anything,

but it really does. Representation matters. You talk about people saying they might have gone to law school because they saw a Max, or even the fact that you see Max with the braids because I saw Hippy Goldberg do it. I mean, I wasn't doing it inside of a vacuum.

Representation matters because you look at Black Panther that is now one point three in surpassed Titanic, and it matters that suddenly we're seen from Africa as kings and queens, as opposed to can you please bear a dime and help those poor negroes across the ocean who are dying in the sand and in the wind um. That changes

how people see us. They will shoot down black men in the middle streets and cold hostage black women who are the by the way, as a population, are the most going into prisons nowadays with no thought to the end game because they don't see us in their dreamscape. They don't see us being aspirational. But it you you it, you'll stop for a second think I'm shooting down Um

to Challa. You know what, I'm serious. And it matters because the whole time we've been had this narrative around forty eight hours, and what we um the sort of lowest version of how you can see a human being as being problematic. So I think that Color Farm, going back to color Farm Media, there's all these great voices, writers, performers, people who see the world in a different way that have never had a bridge to what Hollywood how Hollywood

finances film and television. So like Deaf Jam and or Motown, there are people or corporations or places that should create a bridge. And so at Color Farm were looking for you. We're looking for people who who have something to say, who probably have something in the drawer that they thought nobody would pay attention because they didn't have the agent or they have the manager of the representation to get there.

But now I think the world is looking for you, and if not, we're going to create a space but we're also doing a way that's innovative because there's all this sort of new technology with blockchain and cryptocurrencies, so we can go around um uh, the white male filter that is still sort of rejecting or accepting a narrative, whether it's Netflix or Hulu, but it's still around their algorithm, and that's wrong. Black people have never been on anybody's algorithm.

You would have never got Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross or Marvin Gay if Barry Gordy hadn't created Motown. Is saying with the whole rap game, there's all these amazing and by the way, not just talented people, world builders who literally re re retrained our minds around music and created a different backbeat, but there was, uh, you know, the whole music business sort of shifted. So that's what we're

trying to be before the moving image. Alright, good, so let's make sure everybody goes to color f om media dot com. Thank you, Yeah, I appreciate it. And Eric, you have an album out right now, Yes, just drop the album. It's called easy Call. It's very sexy, very sexy. The first song when the album is called legs, So that just gives you an idea. I wanted to try to do um R and B. That was the R and B that was missing that people when people say people say R and B is dead, I want to

write the album just for them. That's perfect, just for them. So R and B Lovers out. There's fifteen songs. It's all you know, original songs, and I think it's my

best work yet. And I've done a lot of work that's good and I've really just feel like this is it's like all the songs that you know, I've worked on of the years and not put out because you know, I felt like maybe I needed to be signed to a major label so they could be pushed the proper way and I didn't want them to go over people's heads or you know, just get missed under the radar. It's being like, so what, I love it and I'm gonna just put it out because the world needs it,

regardless if I get the gratification or not. It just needs to be out. Songs are really good. Just ask you who you were your R B heroes. I'm just asking given. Yeah, you know, it's interesting. Today we was having a conversation talking about like top five R and B artists right before we came over here, and I just had to break it down into the artists albums that I know, you know, because there's a lot of artists out there, but I have to go by the albums just because I'm a you know, body of work

type of guy. And you know, people like, of course, Michael Jackson and Brandy with Full Moon and jagget Edge with j E Heartbreak was playing Jeousy of course, of course, and you know Ussher Confessions Tank Sex, Love and Pain Tank Tank that album. Yeah, so this is my version of those, but in the way that it needs to be articulated into the new generation to today. Yeah, that you're a fire writer because like you write for everybody.

Even my dad be loving the songs you right, he put me onto that Chris Brown wrote, he gave the crib. He was the first person I played the boss heard the song like Chinese. Yeah, well about that because the most he put that on, he put me on, she might have had already heard, you know. Yeah, so yeah, an easy call out. Now. The single Goat was out there the Go with Tiana Taylor and Wile. So I appreciate you coming to Erica. He heard you were going to be here. He really wanted to come in childhood.

You know, we're locked in time. Eric and Erica. It was a conquering name. Oh yeah, a little bit of a protector of their people like that. I never knew that. Good luck with that, thanks to protector of something else. I don't pay it. Hello, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much. Juice with you, that's what you like? Way imagining Erica on the subway every day, say something for sure, I'm like solving, No, it's nice. People just

usually winking me. Alright, lift service, Erica, Alexander and Eric Ballinger