¶ Mashiach Energy at the Beacon
Welcome to , and here's Modi . Everybody welcome to , and here's Modi . We are in the studio , leo Vega has joined us , thank God , and we have Periel Ashenbrand .
Wow hi .
We are back . We are . You know , just before the comedy , just before the podcast , we had a bit of Mashiach energy . Leo and I were walking here on the way from our trainer , stan , and we said let's just pop in and get a cup of tea at the comedy cellar .
And I went in there and Liz was there and right then and there , mateo canceled all of his spots , so I took them . I was going to just sit at home tonight . And right then and there , matteo canceled all of his spots , so I took them . I was going to just sit at home tonight and I have three spots at the Comedy .
Cellar Amazing .
And then tomorrow I'm doing . Jim Norton had to cancel a one-hour show that he does at the lounge , so I got that . And I was like thinking last week I didn't put in for spots and now I got these spots .
That's amazing .
That's spots . That's amazing . That's . That's mashiach energy .
That's 100 mashiach energy it's mashiach energy for me too , because I'm gonna come and watch you for an hour tomorrow .
So that's fine , do I even have a 15 minutes I've been doing . I've been doing an hour and 15 minutes . I don't even know , you know oh , do you have only 15 minutes .
Yeah , yeah , I mean I'm sure you yes yes , all the new material I'm like , not in the show doing , but like that I'm not doing in the current tour , which , by the way , people need to understand something the tour I'm on now has nothing to do with the last special .
Yes , they do need to understand . It's a brand new hour .
It's different from what you've seen online . We haven't even really been posting clips of it online because we want to save it for you guys . So whatever you think is the show , it's not . It's a new thing .
And this is the show that you just performed at the Beacon . At the Beacon , three sold out shows .
Yes , three sold out shows . It was amazing . I mean , well , I want to talk about , like just before we do , the Beacon , just like I was at a shiver .
I'm sorry and I was there for all the days and so I got a whole bunch of fans that I got to interact with and it's so funny how they say to me you know what bit you haven't done lately , and they're saying it as if they're at every show , but they're basically saying you know what bit I haven't seen online lately , okay , and they'll be like whatever the ,
the shiver bit or the or the marry someone younger bit , or the have your kids with you late in life bit or whatever the bit is . They're like you know what you haven't been doing lately and they haven't seen a show like . It's like you think they were coming to every show . You know it's so funny .
So just it's a reminder for us to post older stuff and let people just to refresh it in their feed . Am I right ? And that's it . So that's it , the Beacon shows .
Yeah , how are the Beacon shows ? I mean , I was there , so I know , but for you guys , both of you you had your debut at the Beacon too , miss Thing .
I did . I did introduce the show , all three . I don't even want to call it opening the show , because that's not what I did . I just come out , I do some announcements , I make up one joke and then I get off the stage .
Okay , so it is opening the show . You're not featuring , but you're opening the show . You're the producer and you're thanking them for coming and you're dropping a few jokes and you're letting them see who I'll be talking about later
on , you're so cute .
Yeah , I'm basically the setup for other jokes in the show , just like a visual setup . That's a great actual way to think about it , because he talks about me in the show , but he just hops right in and doesn't really it's actually I don't know .
maybe you thought about this , but I never really thought about it like that and it's actually probably so great for the audience to have the visual .
Yeah , I think it's like a hook .
It's like a visual hook . It's great , it's an amazing thing , and he is the producer of the show .
Right , yes , he is . But even more than that , there are a lot of producers that don't get on stage . Like he's also part of your act , so it's fun .
He's thanking the audience for a show that he is profiting from as well . Yes , it's not like you know , he's producing the show . I think it's very nice . And then Elon Altman came on .
He was great .
He did a great job he killed it , he killed it , he killed it , he's funny . He's funny , he's funny and he's a great hang for backstage and it was surreal and you said something that made me laugh so much .
You said they're not going to be able to get me out of here oh , I was like how am I gonna three nights ?
what did we do right after the weekend ? What did we do ? Did we go to connecticut ?
we did shabbat . I was like thank god we had shabbat to look forward to . What did we do shabbat in in connecticut ? Oh , went to connecticut . We've been spending a lot of time in connecticut I I was like thank God we had Shabbat to look forward to on Friday .
Where did we do Shabbat ? In Connecticut .
Oh , went to Connecticut .
We've been spending a lot of time in Connecticut . I don't even know if we've discussed this .
Well , let's finish the beacon , though , but like it's… so were you at all like a little bit more… I mean , I know you don't get nervous before shows , but like , was there like anything that felt like ?
no , he doesn't get nervous , but I think he had not . That he doesn't have this for all shows , but just like kind of more of a reverence for what was happening as a new yorker yeah , it is like a huge deal .
I spoke about it in the show that you know , I began doing comedy five blocks down from where this Beacon Theater is , in a room that sits 100 people . Oh , I love that . And so here I am 30 years , literally 30 years later . I'm at the Beacon with the three sold out shows and my mom's in the audience all the shows .
She was there , you know , looking for her people and making sure they all know I can tell you something . Wait , wait , wait . Also , can we discuss everybody on the line to get into the show ? I had no idea , but every woman in my mother's age bracket is telling the security I'm Modi's mother . Oh yeah , we had some reports of that .
We had some mother impersonators .
We had some mother impersonators . Yes , yeah .
It's a security issue .
It's a security issue . It's a security situation . My mom obviously came in the back door , came to the green room , saw the elevator , took some waters and went to her seat . We took care of her like my mom , and she's not going to be outside online , but every woman who looks like her , that's kind of enterprising on their part . It's very smart .
I am asking one of these women to please get in touch with us . If you know someone who has done this or something like this , please send us an email .
Because it was a big line and they didn't want to go online . They came all the way to the front and go .
I'm Lodi's mother . That is outrageous .
Yeah , and the shows started 20 minutes late , and not because the people weren't there , because they wouldn't get out of the lobby . People were just talking in the lobby and so like , yeah , she's like we're 80 , 88% checked in , but no one's in their seats , because they're all in the lobby and they had to literally close the lights on the lobby .
But that was , but that was . So , I went to two shows and I did find your mother outside at one of them , like getting her like flock .
She's always shepherding , yeah , shepherding her people . She's always shepherding people .
And she said something else to me . She goes . I know you're not going to like it when I tell you this , but it's true . You look better in person . And then somebody else came over to me and said that they had heard me say that on the podcast that Modi's mother said that I look better in real life . And she goes .
I'm sorry to tell you , but it's true .
How do you feel about that ? How do you feel about that ?
observation what does that tell you ?
I don't know . I mean , I feel like , you know , it's not a great thing . I don't know , I'm not I'm not insecure so like I don't care , but I feel like it's not like a great thing to say this , like you can really give somebody a complex , especially somebody who's on camera all the time right .
your , your opening line needs to be good . I witnessed one of the craziest things , completely off topic here we hosted an event for Lox Club .
Oh yeah , there's a dating app for Jewish singles called Lox Club Cute .
Yes , and I actually was at a wedding of one of the people who were a couple that got married a . Monica wedding . They met on Lox Club and there was this amazing little dinner for like very 40 people , super curated , at Shushu , one of our favorite restaurants . And Albert was there . It was amazing , it was very nice .
¶ Dating in the World and Torah
And I will say in the dating world , leo called it the trenches , it's the trenches out . Leo calls it the trenches , it's the trenches out there . It is the trenches , it's trench warfare and between their hinges and schminges and whatever the hell they're on . And all these dating Couldn't be me .
The guys okay , the girls came in all seven , eights , nines , even , all of them law degrees , all of them working , have their own apartments and great guys , four , five , sixes , five sixes . I'm gonna be , I'm gonna be honest with you but how much money do they have ? they are not , not , not like the women .
I don't know all lawyers and we're all by anyway and no , I feel bad for the women . It's like slim pickings out there . I feel so bad . And then there was one , so we met and we spoke with everybody , kind of we just you know , nobody's Jewish , it's all Jew they're all Jewish no , they're all .
They're all Jewish but the app is like for they kind of market themselves as flexibly . Okay if you're not Jewish , but maybe yeah okay same , by the way we're talking to people .
And then this one one , a guy , we're talking to people . And then this one , a guy , we're talking to him and he's a lawyer and he's very sweet . And I said you know what ? One minute , ariel , come over . I call this girl , this woman that we spoke to earlier . And I said Ariel , this is Michael , whatever his name is , say hi .
And her opening line was was you have such pretty eyes ?
that's what she says to him great opening line , opening line . And what does he say to her ? Well , my eyes aren't that great though they might look good , but they're not great . I had these contacts are very , very strong . I have a stigmatism in my eye .
That was his torpedoed right away and I'm like , oh my god it was crazy , I saw it , I saw it in real time . I couldn't believe that that was happening .
It was just people self-sabotaging left and right .
I would say to people at this event , like isn't there anybody else ? Yeah , but they all know my ex-girlfriend . I'm like what . And then it was . It's harsh , you really . Leo and I went home that night and like just held each other and then it was… what a mess . It's harsh , you really… . Leo and I went home that night and like… .
Just held each other . Don't leave me , don't leave me , no , no , I'm crazy about it Whenever someone says this is my second husband or my third husband , I always look at Modi and I go first and final bitch . There's no returning this .
First and final which , by the way , if we're already on this crazy topic , leo showed me . You know , leo keeps me abreast of what's happening on the internet .
Uh-huh .
And so I do what's happening on the internet .
What isn't happening on the internet ? The fires I don't know when this is airing , but probably next week . The fires were blazing in Los Angeles and I've been praying and we've been hoping the best happens for what happens out there and people help each other . And then he shows me this page on Instagram of this gay couple .
Like they have millions of followers and they decided to make this about their divorce .
Oh yeah , they hard launched their divorce using the Los Angeles fires , being like we were kind of heading towards this path anyway , and then losing our home really sealed the deal . I was like read the room .
It was crazy Like narcissistic behavior Crazy behavior .
With like a full carousel swipey post that they collaborated on oh my gosh , that they co-posted together announcing their divorce a la the thanks to the LA wildfires . There's nothing to split anymore . There's no how . So let's talk about this . Everyone's saying LA was burning because it's Sodom and Gomorrah and God is mad at them .
But if it's splitting up the gays , maybe God has a plan . No , no , no , that's not the I'm kidding , I'm kidding , I'm trying to appeal to our religious base .
I don't even know how to put that into my head . The fires , obviously . All we know this is one thing from Torah that you learn that you don't own anything . Whatever you have , you don't really own . It's all borrowing . Anyway , you die , so it doesn't matter , don't take it with you .
And even while you think you own , so it doesn't matter , don't take it with you . Even while you think you own this , it's a gift , it's something for you to have . You worked for it , you made it , but it really it's on loan from .
This has been the Devar Torah of the day with Modi . Thank you for tuning in .
Oh by the way , that's not bad .
That's not bad . I'll give you Devar Torah of the day . So we were okay .
We left the beacons You're popcorning around all over the place .
Is that okay though ? Yeah , go ahead , it's your show we were at . Dina's father passed away , rabbi Yisroel Yaakov Yoichal Gross , of sacred , righteous holy memory , and I'm sure that also has something to do with the fires , because when a righteous person leaves this world , it tumbles it , things happen . I'm not blaming the fires on that , but it's a thing .
It's a thing . The world lost a righteous man , and we were at the shiva , and you know how I always throw out all this Torah stuff and it's always from the wrong place and I mentioned the wrong names , but I don't care , it's my podcast , and people always write no , that's from Parsha's Vayetze , and whatever they say .
Someone loaded an app onto my phone where I could really now just become a full Rebbe . There's an app and it's called Sephora and you can punch in like- .
The makeup company .
It sounds like it it's from Sefer , from book , and you can punch in like what did Abraham say to Moses ? Moses and like pass the salt , whatever , like what you know , whatever they , they , they have it's probably just plugged into chat gpt , I know , but like for me , that's a gift I can . I can punch this in like under the table and go .
You know , I believe it was isaac that said to , to , uh and then um . So that was a funny thing that happened to me . This little app . Everybody now he knows the entire Torah by heart .
You don't need to oh , tell them about the , the , whether it's kosher or not to take food from a shiva house okay , we're gonna go into the shiva okay , we're done with the beacon officially .
No , we're gonna go back , but since we're on the shiva , okay , okay , so like I've back . But since we're on the shiva , okay , okay , so like I , I I've baruch hashem . Thank god I've never had to sit shiva . My parents are alive and , and I've never , we never had any a family member other than grandparents , and so I was like a part of the shiva .
I was , I'm family , he was my adoptive father , dina's , my sister , rafi's , my brother , we're family and I went there to sit the shiva and luckily the house has not been redecorated since 1980 . And all the chairs were those low chairs , so every house in the chair was a shiva chair .
They had to actually bring in chairs that weren't shiva chairs , those folding chairs . And basically we learned one thing there's only one law , and that's bury the body as soon as possible . Everything else is just custom or minhag . A custom , a tradition , and tradition becomes law . But you know , is it seven days ? When do you start ?
Is it after the body's buried ? Before the body ? When do you start saying the prayer for the mourners ? And they had to bring him to Israel . Everybody had all kinds of , everybody knew laws and there was one law . I mean , I was just sitting , so now we're just sitting there Everybody's telling oh , you know , you can stop sitting shiva on Thursday , you can .
Everybody had what to say . Everybody had what to say . My favorite one was this you know there's extra food and cookies and stuff and oh , please take some . So then someone said , well , you can't take food home from a shiva . And then someone else said you can if the person didn't die in the house .
Oh my .
There's always a loophole . There's always some kind of loophole . There's always a loophole . It's amazing . The whole shiva was that kind of like . People just like and you know how I have a bit about like the shiva stuff yeah , this is so niche and specific .
You know , when you finish the visit you say this thing and it's a whole like , it's a word , it's like this little sentence you say to the family and the members People just say I'm going to leave now , and they say the sentence and then they go . Some of them get up and they give you the sentence and then they give you a whole Dvar Torah .
So now here they are standing on top of you , You're sitting almost on the floor and they're spitting up . You know spitting . So why did we say Hamakom and not Hashem ? Why do we say the place on that ?
Because it's the place in your heart and they go on this full , like you can know , that's their Dvar Torah , that's their words of Torah , from whenever they go to a Shiva , like that's their , they're gonna hit them with that . It was anyway , but it was .
I felt the loss and luckily I felt it was happening soon and I said to Leo I'm going down to Florida before New Year's to go see Rabbi Gross before he passes away . Wow , and Leo came with me . Leo also got to see him . I spent three days , like three hours a day with him and completely there . It was wow , it was emotional , it was spiritual , it was .
First of all , to spend time with somebody right before they pass away is insane . I've had that , I've had three times . I've had that , you know like , and it was just I'm so grateful I had that moment with him , those moments with him before he passed away . And then he passed away . I flew back down and we had the shiva .
And you've known him since you were in college , known him since 1990 ? Well yeah , because you and dina became like best friends immediately , right in college yeah , yeah , yeah and so you immediately like , connected with her family yeah , no , right away .
Oh , my god , immediately . Yeah , I was like becoming more and more religious . He's this Hasidic , like dynasty . I was like , yes , it was great . And you know , and I , you know , I called him at the trips to Kereshtia we did with him to the town where he was born in , where his great grandfather was born .
We were there twice with him and , and you know , think , three beacon shows with him and , um , and you know , think , three beacon shows yes , leo produced them , but hashem also helped and that was the end of present . I , before every show , called him .
I would call him before every show and ask for a blessing , and sometimes I'd forget to call and he'd call . Oh , that's really great .
Moments like that happened in there and , um , I'm so lucky to have known him and be a part of this family and my parents loved them and you know , my father had , he gave him blessings and it was , it was , it was unbelievable , it was unbelievable . Yeah , um , the beacon shows .
Back to the beacon yeah what was your take on the beacon , my take on the beacon um ?
where's that string ? Put the string away .
It puts string oh , um , the beacon was amazing . I , I . It's always weird when you have something like that on the calendar and you are working towards it and looking forward to it and kind of like counting down the days , and then , once it's happening , you have to kind of like pause and just absorb it all because it's really special .
It's like kind of like . I remember I really vividly remember us walking out of Gramercy Theater the night after we shot your special and we were just like that . That did that just happen like , oh my god , like and you have to like it's cheesy , but you gotta stop and smell the roses , I guess it's not cheesy .
I think it's amazing . I think it's .
I prepared myself way before to enjoy every moment of it . So I wasn't like , let's get through this . No , we weren't like , let's get through this , yeah , of course . I was like I am going to savor every minute of this .
There was three nights in a row . That was very helpful . Could you imagine doing one and done ? I can't imagine doing one and done . Yeah .
You're good like that , like he likes to settle into a venue , yeah , florida , we're doing florida speaking of settling into a venue
¶ Florida Shenanigans and Dining Etiquette
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We have just added a seventh show at the parker playhouse in fort lauderdale , florida , today . This morning uh , january 14th those tickets went on sale um fourth . Today is january 14th . The tickets went on sale this morning . The show is February 4th and don't confuse them .
I was saying it today oh my god , that was clear funniest story from the Shiva , I'll tell you back to the show no , back to the Shiva interior scene . Shiva , I'm showing you a picture now of two hustards . Maybe we'll post this when you guys edit this .
On the AHM underscore podcast Instagram page yes , not only creative directing our .
Instagram , so keep in mind . I'm not in a shiva chair , but this is the angle I had of everybody in the shiva . Do you see ? It's a picture of two chassids . One of them has a plachka debibahit , the big hat and the shiva . Oh my God , do you see ? It's a picture of two chassids .
One of them has a plachka de bibahit and the other has a big hat and a small hat . We're going to post this picture . So they're there , and next to them is sitting Rabbi Shmuel Boteach's brother , who declared he is my ex-brother . It's a guy . They have a jewelry store down in Miami on 41st Street .
Of course , he's showing me this WhatsApp chat of it's called Guys of South Florida . It's a gay group of guys that live in South Florida Jewish , jewish , jewish Guys of South Florida . Okay , jewish Jewish guys of South Florida .
Okay .
That's the name of the WhatsApp chat Gay guys . It doesn't say gay on the title .
This is with this rabbi's brother .
No , no , no , leave that . I'm just showing you that picture , but it's called Jewish guys of South Florida , okay , and I think they're all gay and he was showing this to me , and I think they're all gay and he was showing this to me and he's showing me how , like how the chat goes .
We tried to get tickets for Modi's thing and then they didn't get Modi's stuff . And then he goes like does Leo keep kosher ?
I keep a kosher mouth .
And then they're all like asking all these questions about Leo . Did Leo convert ? Did Leo not the whole conversation about me and Leo and the show ? And then he leaves and these other two guys are showing me another chat , another WhatsApp chat that's in Yiddish , showing clips of me .
I was like that's the show , duality of man yes , yes , yes , it's for sure . Duality of man yes , yes , yes , it's so fun . Do we want to do like the AMAs or anything ?
like that . Yes , but first I think that while we're talking about savoring the moment , maybe we could also give a shout out to our sponsor , you know what's really savory .
What's savory A&H Kosher Hot Dogs or A&H Provisions ? Yes , you can visit them at wwwkosherdogsnet for all your kosher delicatessen needs . If you input code MODY , you'll receive 30% off of your first order there . Thank you , seth .
We love you and your food's delicious . Seth and I've had at the shiver other foods and you're on to something .
That's a good niche .
There's also White's and Luxembourg , the law firm that not only does well , they do good , they're very philanthropic . White's and Luxembourg , we have gotten some . We apparently have been plugging the website incorrectly so if you'd like to clarify that white luxcom can you spell that out for them ?
I can w-e-i-t-z-l-u-xcom .
okay , I should have been doing that into the camera yeah , but it's good , all All right , we did our sponsors .
We did our sponsors . Okay , ama , should we talk about ZZ ? Sure , we actually . We went when we were in Florida before the rabbi passed away . We told Arthur that we're there . Arthur Luxenberg , he's like , oh , dinner tonight , this amazing restaurant , it's like a club restaurant called ZZ's .
Never even this amazing restaurant , it's like a club restaurant called ZZ's never even heard of it . Some of the most delicious food I've eaten .
It was quiet miso Caesar salad was life changing next level miso Caesar salad . I've never had it like how good could a Caesar salad be ?
it was , I would go back just for that wow yes and it was me , leo Randy , arthur's wife Arthur , and another couple . I'm not going to mention names because I mean they would love it . But no , go on , no , I'm not going to mention their names .
Anyway , one thing Leo has taught me since when we began , you know , when we began dating , leo told me when a restaurant we'd be in a dark restaurant and the menu would come , I'd take my flashlight out . But he goes no , do not pull your flashlight out at a restaurant , just don't ever do that .
And me and Leo are sitting there with two couples that are older than me . They're all like 10 years older than me .
Yeah , it was like if you had epilepsy at the table . You were in trouble , Not only did the flashlights come out ?
they were holding them , like above . The entire table can see what's going on and they didn't care . They didn't care , no .
I also think it is necessary sometimes for some people , like it is dark in those places .
I was just saying like I'd rather read you the menu than you do that so I said , I said yeah , but , but I now take a picture of the of the menu and then open it up you know .
But what did I tell you ? Why not to do that ?
he said to me okay , so he told this to me at soho house . Soho house , orchard .
He said Modi .
Look around , look how beautiful the lights are . Somebody was paid a lot of money to curate the lighting in here , and now you're with this . It's a whole thing , lighting design , and you're with this light and it just focuses everything . It's like a lighthouse .
Okay , but to be fair , you can be 100 feet away . You're like whoa .
I can't see the menu , Like I can't see .
That's what the tea lights are for you . Geriatric .
And so what am I supposed to do ?
Take out , like my readers , and a tea light , that's better Find a solution that doesn't involve putting a strobe light on a table .
So he's right , find a solution that doesn't involve putting a strobe light on . So just take a picture of the part of the menu you want to look at and have it flash , no , and then you open it up . Like you know how you put your thumbs together and you open up . And you put your thumbs together . Yeah , you do it with your two fingers . You know what ?
You don't even need to put your thumbs together .
Yeah , and you can read what's going on in there .
But if it's pitch black you can't take a picture . It's already more lit . You'll see it .
You'll see just wait , give him a few years . In like 20 years he's gonna be like remember , I'm gonna put on glasses like a normal person .
No , you're gonna do it on your regular glasses . You're gonna carry your readers with you , but whatever I need to do .
I want to talk about readers . Have we not ? Have we discussed in the podcast once ? I don't think so okay , so readers is , is it's really it's's a sign of how you feel towards your spouse ? Readers , just so we all know what we're talking about . I'd love to hear that Glasses that just are for when you read something .
¶ Eyewear and Showering Habits
They're magnifying . They're magnifying .
They're not prescription , just so you can read right , Because I don't need glasses for anything except for reading .
Oh , readers are by default , not prescription .
I mean maybe they can be pers . I mean maybe you can get sorry , they are prescription . They're not a clear glass or readers . Are any glasses you put on to read okay , is it's it's glasses .
It has a prescription in it no , but what does it say about readers at like um ?
cvs like you can buy them . Yeah , they have that thing that turns around . Or you can go get your eyes checked like a human being and and get a prescription and have glasses made . So now people that are with their couples and one of them needs to have readers , so they buy the $7 one over at Duane Reade or Walgreens and it looks horrible .
And now they're sitting there reading a newspaper or reading their internet or reading whatever , and their spouse has to look at them .
I don't think that's so bad . I think it's horrible . I love when you put on your glasses . You look so cute .
Because I have cute glasses . Right , but he doesn't have my glasses cost $700 .
The prescription thing Are you crazy ? Point taken .
If you were looking at him in a pair of $4 CVS .
And it's red . Yes , the sides are red and they're like crooked and they have like fingerprints . It's like saying to your partner I don't care what I look like in front of you . I've given up . I've given up . It's like wearing Crocs , yeah .
Hey , what Crocs are kind of comfortable I don't own any .
Balenciaga did a cute collab with Crocs .
I'm just giving an example .
And what you have , those yellow clogs of yours ? They're not , not Crocs , by the way .
Those are not Crocs . Those are campers . Those are a limited edition clogs . Those are not Crocs . Crocs , words are hard Anyway what I'm saying to you is show your spouse , or whoever you are around , a little bit of like I care what I look about you and go get .
Do I have to ?
Not even expensive . Go to Warby Parker and get it .
Is there anything I could be improving on ?
No , you don't wear glasses and you kill your . Looks around the house are amazing . You always have like matching In the house . No one's coming in , he puts together like matching outfits .
I don't think I do that , you do .
You guys are gay ? I'm not really sure , like I'm trying to think .
What does Guy wear around the house ? God knows ? Like a rat , Is it like no ?
no , I'm the one who's a rat . He's like he's cute .
You're wearing like a falling apart t-shirt and like boxer shorts . He's like will you ?
please , for the love of God , take a shower today .
No really Meanwhile , Modi can't get me out of the shower .
Leo is showering three times .
So does Guy . It's a disorder .
That's why I'm so dry . Right now it's winter . I'm like still showering as if it's summer .
I don't mind showering . Showering as if it's summer . I don't mind showering .
How often do you shower ?
I shower twice a day , at least once a day I shower twice If I go to the gym or something , I come back . But it's not even the showering that I love showering , it's the aftermath the moisturizer , the hair , the this , all of that stuff that you like or you don't like .
No , he does a lot to start moisturizing your body . Tell me about it and I have . Yeah , it's .
Yeah , the aftermath of the shower is harsh .
I don't think you need to shower in the winter . Actually , why don't you guys let us know how often ?
You already know how I feel about this .
You feel ?
like I think we've talked about this when you live in New York .
City . Before you go to bed at night , you might want to shower .
Yeah .
You need to shower and get the city off of you .
Got that greasy , grimy , gross , crusty , dusty , musty on you .
But what if you haven't been out and about ? You got that outside on you . What if you haven't been out and about ?
You got that greasy grimy musty on you . Wow , that just came to me now that is not bad at all .
A memoir greasy crusty , dusty . No , you didn't get it right . I knew I wasn't gonna get . That's gonna be the name of the episode greasy , grimy , gross , crusty , dusty , musty how do you keep doing ?
that I don't know how do you ?
remember that ? How do you remember that ? Oh , my god um agree to disagree agree to disagree fine because you're crusty , dusty , musty it's so easy to get a pair of nice readers you know what he says to me .
He goes oh , thank god , you're going to see modi and leo today . You're gonna take a shower , oh , my god , are you that gnarly ?
no , I mean , I don't think I don't think you're gnarly , by the way , I actually recognize that showering so much is probably not good for your life . It's not your skin microbiome et cetera , et cetera .
It's not .
And your hair always looks better and healthier when it's not washed . Every day I get it .
George Carlin has an amazing bit about over showering , over cleaning and getting , and he goes and washing your hands . Every time you go to the bathroom he goes . I only wash my hands in the bathroom if I crap on them .
That's so disgusting , that is so funny that I actually do . Do I do wash my hands .
Speaking of washing your hands .
Yeah .
I just want to talk about ASAP . Yes , they're not paying us , no , but I want to give a shout
¶ Luxury Shopping, Connecticut Obsessions, Home Renovations
out . In a world where customer service and brick and mortar retail experiences have gone to shit , the last vestige of a pleasant shopping experience is at your local Aesop .
Wow .
They all are so nice .
Okay .
They let you try whatever you want . They smell nice . The lighting is considered . They spray your bag with a fragrance before you leave , so when you take it home it smells like the store . It's like they've thought of everything .
And the soap is $55 for hand soap , but it's lovely .
It's worth it , though that makes me look forward to washing my hands , though it also makes you look forward to going to .
When you walk by one of their stores , you go in there and talk to them .
I have to say that I also like to buy very expensive hand soap , and it makes me look forward .
Do you like Molten Brown I do like Molten . Brown , I like Molten Brown . You don't like Molten Brown , I do like Molten Brown I absolutely do .
There's a few scents of Molten Brown I love , I do love A-Stop more . Okay , scrappy Low is good , the Labo is good , the .
Labo the . They make a soap .
Yeah , yeah , they make a whole bunch of stuff .
Yeah , I didn't know that this is . I mean . I think that we had our current obsessions in a potential .
Oh yeah , Current obsessions .
ASAP .
ASAP . I mean , I know about it for a while , but I just went into one again the other day .
My current obsession is the state of Connecticut . I am obsessed .
The problem with that obsession is that they can't potentially come on and sponsor us .
Oh .
Connecticut that'll be sure Do you have any retail experiences at all ? I have .
I'm totally obsessed with Trudon candles .
See , I was about to say I feel like all of my answers are scent-based , which makes sense because your sense of smell is like the strongest thing tied to memory . I'm very into like a diptych store .
You can't get me out of there a part of my name a part of my name , besides being , you know , from the bible , from the story of the book of esther more the high , more is a scent , is've told me . The life .
I love a store that smells good . I love diptyque too but sorry , we have plenty of diptyque candles in our Connecticut house , so now you can go back to your Connecticut's an obsession of mine .
I'm learning about it we bought a house in Connecticut and we've been spending a lot of time there , and we'll just sit there in bed in the morning and just absorb the silence . So quiet , it's so quiet .
It's so insane .
Our apartment in the city is on the Lower East Side and it is so loud . It's sirens and honking and people yelling and screaming .
Door to door no traffic .
Hour 40 . We leave after like a Broadway show . We get in the car . Car's fully packed . Get in the car . Hour 40 , we're there . We found this place at the end of the hutch . It's called Chestnut Market or something .
Gas station .
It's like a gas station that you can get to from both sides of the highway .
Okay .
Brand new . They redid . I remember we were . We were looking for a house in connecticut . We drove by this thing .
I was like it was in construction stunning , gorgeous yeah , like one of those nice gas stations oh , there's like every kind of drink and every kind of food , and like and displayed and nothing's empty , and they have these like uh cake . Oh yeah , that's your current obsession is those coffee cakes from the chestnut . Rest stop .
Those of you who drive by a chestnut . There's a coffee cake that they have in there . It's not like a brand , it's like I guess there's , and they wrap it in like… .
Saran wrap .
Saran wrap . It is the most… it's like… it is pretty good , it's the soft and then the hard .
Do you think it's just Entenmann's that they're repackaging ? No , nothing to do with .
Entenmann's , it's super soft .
And then on top of , it is that hard crunchy crumb the crumble .
The crunchy crumb .
And you have to eat it . Listen to me , bring it to its own paper bag . Don't just open it and start eating it .
Put it in the bag . Yeah , it's going to get it all over your car .
Over the bag because it's going to crumble Because it's all the crumbles and also the powdered sugar and you want to enjoy it , you know . So just that's how I eat it . So , In the car , not in Publix . Ever I'm not eat out of a bag . They look like animals , yeah , but in the car . That's our break on the drive up . Get a coffee . I get that cake .
We sit in the car for two seconds and I eat it . It's so delicious .
And you don't like crash out from the sugar . No , then I'm driving , I'm driving , I just want to say that you guys really had the right idea with buying this house . That was just like turnkey , because I am continuing to live under a pile of wood .
It's so funny . On the way to the podcast , here I get a text from Bob Kelly , robert Kelly to call into . Bonfire because Jay Oakerson just dealt with a contractor who was Israeli and so I call into the , I'm right away on the podcast and , like Jay , didn't argue with the price . He's like whatever the guy gave as a price , he was done .
I'm like , okay , did you offer cash ? Like no , he goes Modi . The guy is Israeli and I believe I oversold our friendship a lot more and he just wants to meet you , and so Whenever .
I get to the discount .
Whenever I get to the , I'll be happy to show up with bagels and coffee for the workers . That is hilarious . He's going to get like a 25% discount . No , he's not going down . That'd be pretty good , for sure .
I don't know , you might be underestimating your worth in certain markets . Okay , all I want to tell you is I think I've mentioned this before that , like I was on this trip where I only was going to work with Israelis , I know How's that working out for you . Not well . Not well , as I have noticed . I have one Israeli man in my life .
That's enough , two actually , and I'm all set , I am good .
Yep .
But I do wish Jay luck . Wish Jay luck . I wish Jay Oakerson good luck .
Oh yeah , He'll be fine . He'll be fine . It's great , and his wife is on top of it . She's .
Oh yeah , who's GCing this job of our house ?
Yeah .
You're looking at her .
What's GCing Overseeing ?
General contractor .
You .
Yeah me , Everything . Guy has no idea what's going on . All he does is like complain that it's taking so long .
Okay .
Well , you took that upon yourself . That was like your own little journey . Okay , well , sometimes we make mistakes . What's ?
the timeline . What's the runway for me here between now and you having a normal house ?
Well .
Ari's graduation . That's when I'll be able to move .
I decided that I want to convert the house to gas from oil , and now so probably about six years years .
I don't know if you saw , but donald trump said that that's the itchy heat what's itchy , I don't know .
There was some said you want to convert to gas or from gas to gas ?
the house is good oil I have an oil tank the size of this podcast studio I don't know anything about how houses work .
That's why we hired a house manager .
Isn't it tired downstairs of like tubes and the water softener and the heater and the pump .
And you can see here this pipe is .
I thought you knew how to do this stuff .
I thought you were handy . He is very handy .
He could hang a TV like no one's business but a water softener , I can change a light fixture , I can do everything A water softener .
I will be calling you to come to Westchester .
I'll send the guy we have . We luckily found an amazing guy that calls up . I don't have the energy to start lighting . He comes in . He was made for it . He comes in two seconds . Oh , normando , normando .
In three seconds he's all the light fixtures . He's just throwing light fixtures up left and right . I was like , wow , he keeps his car running .
because he does it so fast , he gets out .
With a smile on his face . Connecticut is great because we went up there and you know the house we bought furnished and ready and whatever .
But like there were some things get done and we were ready , I guess , because I guess we had ptsd , because our friends had houses in the hamptons , we were like , oh my god , what are these like estimates gonna look like ? But it's connecticut prices the god .
The gardener says that . The gardener says us we have to cut this branch off . It's a giant branch , massive tree right and uh , and , and I said okay , well , how much will that cost ? He says it's 250 , we're ready I was ready for $3,000 and we're going to get three permits .
Come to where I am . That's what it's like where I am .
Maybe we should stop talking because maybe my invoices are going to start changing .
No .
Normando . He's amazing , they're great , it's really great . That's Connecticut In .
Westchester . It's a nightmare .
I'm sure .
Just a nightmare .
Westchester , westchester , westchester .
How long We've been on , for a long time now .
An hour . It's an hour , less than an hour . Do you want to wrap ?
it up . Yeah , we'll wrap it up .
Let's wrap it up .
Oh my God , thank you for listening , thank you for being fans . We really didn't hit anything hard , because that's Leo is going to let you know where the shows are going to be .
All right , I don't know when this is going to air , but I'm just going to say we're in Austin and Houston next week , january 21st in Austin , houston , january 22nd and 23rd . Then we're in Phoenix , arizona . February 2nd . Fort Lauderdale , florida . We are there February 4th , 5th , 6th , Then we go to Tampa February 13thth , then we go back to Fort Lauderdale .
The 16th of February there's a matinee and a late show . Then the 17th and 18th , february 27th we go back to London for the Palladium for an encore performance at the Palladium . That show is sold out . March 2nd is in Baltimore at the Lyric Theater . Still a chunk of tickets left there . March 8th Las Vegas , nevada .
I've gotten lots of requests for Vegas , so there you go . March 20th , los Angeles , at the Wiltern Theater , hartford , connecticut . March 23rd , pittsburgh . March 26th , buffalo , march 27th , and then we end things off in Toronto . March 30th and 31st .
Amen , and we're working on .
European dates yeah , I'm going to have those soon .
Anything you want to plug .
Everything I'm doing is on my Instagram . You can find me there Periel At Periel .
Ashen Brand and be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show . Get a few tickets for you and your friends . It's literally the easiest way to create Moshiach energy . Bring a friend to a comedy show . It is just period , moshiach energy . Okay , and thank you all very much , and thanks to our sponsors for being a part of today's podcast .
Bye , bye , bye .