I mean, we have been in different situations in Anabaptist churches where we've been hurt. But we if we really believe this and we do, we there's no, we're going to be in an Anabaptist church somewhere because our doctrine and our beliefs are Anabaptist. And so I think that's been part of the longevity of our journey, is that we felt like we're going to make it work because this is what we believe. Jeff and Deana, welcome to the Anabaptist Perspectives podcast. This is this is interesting.
So I really enjoy getting people's stories, on this podcast. And I know you all have quite the story of different church backgrounds and religious settings, and it's, yeah, we're going to capture some of that today and, and see if there's some lessons we can learn and pieces that I think will be helpful to our audience as well. So let me just start with the first question. Tell me about your religious upbringing. Were either of ya’ll part of a church growing up. I grew up methodist.
And, was probably there until we got married. And so I was sprinkled as an infant. And then in the sixth grade, I went through a confirmation class and, I'm pretty sure I heard the gospel there, and I was encouraged to read the Bible. So I started reading the Bible through, in about the sixth grade. I feel like, in my upbringing, it was nominal. I feel like it was a nominal Christian home.
I have wonderful parents, and they were a blessing to me, but I think it was pretty much for us as a family. A Sunday thing. I do remember feeling like as a child I knew God and I knew Christ before I was saved and, had a true relationship as a child would. And, I became saved in high school, I realized that I needed to ask God to save me through Christ. And as I said, we were I was Methodist until we got married. And then for a while. Yeah. And what about you, Deana?
I would have grown up Catholic, and I would have been baptized and sprinkled and confirmed and confessed and everything. And I'm very thankful. It was a good background. I appreciated that respect that I learned there. And I'm so thankful that my parents took us to church, when I would have gotten to be around college, my parents would have switched to a more of an evangelical background, and I would have delved into that a bit.
And then before we were married, I would have started to I got a new job and moved to a new city. And I found, a good church there. It was a kind of like a Southern Baptist church, and I would have been baptized as an adult there. So we we both would have grown up in Christian homes. I would have heard the gospel from my mother actually, very clearly when I was, I think about seven years old. Okay. So so both of y'all would you. So you're saying coming to faith, you said in high school, right.
And then you'd been, maybe a little later. You're saying it's something like that. Okay, so when we'd been talking before we, we'd scheduled this, I was getting a little bit of your story. And the piece that stuck out to me is. It sounds like you spent a lot of time investigating different denominations or different church, environments that you were part of. And, like, I like to hear some of that journey. I know it's a there's probably a lot of pieces there.
So whatever you, you would, you'd care to share. But, one of the things with this podcast is we hear from a lot of people, you know, from around the world, and a lot of them are on a journey. You know, I'm trying to find a community to connect with, and I'm trying to figure out this thing, this, this church thing. How do I find like minded believers? And that's a real challenge. You know, that that can that can be difficult. And so, yeah. What was your experience with that process?
So I, I loved the Methodist Church. I still have fond memories of it. I felt in college like the Methodist Church as a whole was embracing some things that I didn't think were biblical. I was not super pious. I think I'm still not super pious. There was just things that they were doing that I thought were where I was at that point. Like I said, unbiblical and I was unsure of the direction.
And so we got married in the Methodist church and were there for a few years after marriage, and it just didn't seem like for us, a sustainable setting. And so we went to evangelical type of churches. I think we would have gone back and forth between Baptists and just evangelical non-denom churches. And when I was getting my master's and our background, everything so much around our professions, in Dallas, we found a, evangelical church in Dallas, Texas.
I was going to Southern Methodist University to study music, and we became members there. And that was where I got my first believer's baptism, was there. And so we were really happy, I think probably for 15 years after that, in those kind of settings. We spent some time, quite a few years in Grand Rapids, Michigan, which and we moved there for professional reasons. In a GARB church, what is that, General Assembly of regular Baptist churches is what that was.
And we loved it. It was quite conservative. And, it was a blessing, you know, for us for that time. So so, Jeff, you're describing like these different parts of the journey and different places. You know, it sounds like y'all moved around some, so yeah. What what was some of your journey through that, through that process as well? Like what were you experiencing in this time? Well, first of all, it's like seven years of stuff.
And so I don't even know where to kind of start wading through it, but I'll try, I think when we were homeschooling. And so part of it was, I remember we were reading one time about other cultures and, it was these people in Africa I believe it was anyway. But they like, you know, put the things with their ears, like hung down really low and they put all the beads and, like, stretched their necks and everything.
And, we appreciate that, that cultures, you know, they're beautiful parts of all the different cultures anyway. But I just said I thought something like, well, that's really barbaric, you know, that to, you know, to do that, that, you know, that's their culture. But, you know, and then I realized, well, I've got metal hanging out of my ears and I've got necklaces and things. And I was like, well.
And so just kind of like, honestly, just from that chapter we read in the social studies book, whatever, I just kind of start thinking about, well, maybe I don't want to do this anymore. I don't know, it just started like in a lot of little ways like that. We were in church one Sunday and, an American flag and the, you know, rifles and sabers, the swords and guns and things, came down and we all sang Battle Hymn of the Republic, I think. And then, a woman whose father was a veteran.
And we're very thankful. We love our country. We're very thankful for all the sacrifices that people made. But there was a, you know, everybody clap for the veterans and whatever. And I just felt like I came to church to worship God. I didn't come here to worship my country. I'm very thankful for my country. But that's not why I'm in church. That was part of it. One of our dear friends, a couple of em actually got divorced and remarried.
And again, we were searching the scriptures, asking our ministers, like, what's the doctrine with this? Because it just seemed just didn't seem right. And, they ended up like coming to church with their other spouses, and it just it just seemed so mixed up and weird. It does feel kind of bizarre.
So we we were just we were searching the scriptures and trying to figure out what what does God's Word say about this And if you could summarize through this process, what did you all feel like you were searching for. I feel, to be totally honest, maybe we weren't searching that. Maybe God was leading, many of these convictions, including the veiling that you had talked about were, shamefully to me, Deena was having the convictions before I was.
And so I don't feel like we were purposely saying we need to search for something. I feel like God was showing Deena things before me. And, one of those things, the veiling frustrated me. I wasn't convicted of it at all. But we would ask our people, and a lot of them were very educated. We were close to a, high profile seminary, and so they were very well versed in the scriptures. And I ask a about the the First Corinthians, you know, talking about the veiling.
And I got the answer about the the prostitutes in Corinth, and they really couldn't say why we don't do it except for the that answer that it was a cultural thing back then. And, I later found out that that that reason and that that story about the prostitutes in Corinth actually is nowhere recorded in a secular way or in a historic way. Anyway, it's something that they said and that frustrated me that they couldn't give a good answer even though I wasn't there yet.
So what do you think about searching? Were you searching? One of our ministers one time said, like you were walking in all the light that you had. And I did feel that way, that whenever we would read something else or study something else and think, well, maybe we think this or whatever, I think that was. Yeah, I wouldn't say we were necessarily searching. We were just kind of starting to feel like our beliefs aren't fitting in quite as well anymore.
The more we learned and researched and studied and. Yeah, So maybe searching may not be quite the right word but, but journey definitely seems like the word right where you're, like you said walking in, but at least the light you have at the moment, you know, and you're and you're learning more and you're asking questions and things. so through this process. So it sounds like there was a number of things happening to here. I mean, you're you're in various different churches.
You mentioned some things that were painful and like, oh, I'm not sure about that, you know, and then the part on the, head covering, at what point do the Anabaptists come into the picture here? Like, where did you hear about most, you know, Amish or Mennonites, whatever. You know, it's easy. I guess you can bump into that different places. But where did that enter the story? I think at first all we knew were Amish, like, you know, you've seen pictures of them or books or something.
And obviously it was a cultural thing. Yeah. And I think we like, I know looked at like that one time, like not not because of we never thought we would ever be anything like this. We just and it was like, oh, they speak German. Well, we're out there, you know, and, you know, how could anybody ever go be a part of that? You have to learn a whole different language or whatever. And that was like, oh, they drive horse and buggies and and Jeff's allergic to horses, so we can't hear.
so this was not going to be much of an option. Okay. No. And I and I'm like I can't live without air conditioning. But just out of kind of just out of curiosity and honestly, it was like a vacation thing, like, it's we had young children. There was nothing offensive, you know, you can like, whatever. Go and and, I think we went down to Goshen to go. We had an antique mall, to be fair to our people, I mean, we just did go down to Goshen, Indiana to look at the Amish that.
Yeah, we get so frustrated now. And like in Lancaster County, when these people drive so slow and they want to look at the Amish, and we've seen comments on social media about how somebody saw an Amish person's laundry and you know, how mystical that is. And so it really was us. And we love the Anabaptists and what it stands for. But we were totally those people that would go down to Indiana to look at Amish, kind of that almost like intrigued, touristy type or, as a curiosity maybe Yeah.
But I do think there was an attraction to something that was to us looked more biblical. Not as you know, that they were doing things that we weren't. Why did they do them and what was the reasoning behind all of that? And again, not necessarily that we were just searching. It was just like, well, what is this and what is this? And feeling a little bit pushed out? Maybe we don't fit as well here anymore. Where would we fit?
You know, just kind of looking around a little bit, again, kind of that journey of trying to find a, a place, you know, a place to plug into, perhaps not yet. Not yet. You have to tell them about the the homeschool show. A big part of our journey was we were homeschooling. And so through that, we came into contact with a lot of wonderful people.
And so one of the band groups I was teaching, we had homeschool band with like a thousand people in it, and we were performing at a homeschool convention thing. And so I was there and I would always go look at the books and all that because I was homeschooling, but there was a family there, and they were selling harps, and I played harp some in college, but I did not own a big harp. So they had these smaller harps, and I was like, oh, well, maybe I could get one of those or whatever.
So I picked up a little pamphlet thing, and honestly, I stuck it in a drawer for five years. It was seriously, it was just sitting there for five years. and again, we did this whole long process. So I think it was five years later, Jeff decided that he he was working at a school, spending a lot of hours. I was home homeschooling five children. He was working 70, 80, 80 hours a week. And we were like, this is not this is not, you know, we have two different lifestyles.
And we didn't want our family to be that. We wanted to be closer. And so, he resigned from his teaching position and we moved to be the family. We moved out of state just to be with our family and kind of regroup. And so when we were going through that process is when I decided I'm going to order a harp. So I pulled the thing out of the drawer after five years, and I ordered a harp. So we moved down there. And at that point, we were just visiting any kind of a church that we thought might work.
We tried everything. I mean, we were we were pretty convinced that it was in North Carolina. That's where I was born. And we had always wanted to live there.
And, we were sure we were going to find a just this awesome Bible Belt Southern Baptist Church with the children's ministries and great music and so, just to interject that we weren't sure we were going to be able to be plugged in quickly with another church, you know, of that brand that fit a little bit more where we were now with our convictions and so we couldn't. And in the meantime, I called this family to tell them, my harp wasn't quite ready yet, but it was almost ready.
So I said, oh, well, hey, when you send it, please send it to this new address because we moved. And then the the dad that made the harp sort of said, well do you have oh you moved, do you have a church down there that was like, no. Like what on earth would he know about? You know, he's five states away and he just said, oh, I know of a a I said, we're looking for something a little bit more conservative. We aren't really sure, but and I didn't know what they were.
I knew they had something on their heads, but I didn't know what they were. We had seen a picture of the family and we were educated enough. At this point. We were like, well, they're not Amish, and apparently they're not Mennonite either. And we were just like, so I don't know what what they are. Yeah. anyway? So he said, oh, well, I know of a church. It was about an hour and a half away. And so Jeff called the minister and he ended up actually calling back when Jeff was gone.
So I had to talk to him. And I think I said something like, what am I supposed to wear something? Because we were by then, we, we were dressing a little different. And we were we were getting closer to this end of things slowly. And he said, no. He said, you just come as you are. And that was really, was just what we needed to hear. Like, just come as you are. We don't expect anything. And that's so that was neat. So we we went there, we visited. That would have been our first Anabaptist church.
that's the first time you actually went to a service like a Mennonite or Anabaptist, whatever you want to call service. That's interesting because this is like a multi-year process. Then you know it didn't happen super fast. I guess. Okay. So you're, you go through that and then at what, what are the things that started attracting you then more specifically to the Anabaptist, like, you're on this journey, you're going you're meeting some of these people. Go visit this church.
Yeah. Speak into that a bit, what were you seeing there that that attracted you? I mean, I think at that point and even till now, what attracted us in and attracts us, obviously there's always the lifestyle thing that our people from our background see, I mean, we just have to be honest, it is there. But in the end, it's the the adherence to the scriptures to us was just awesome. And we were trying to get answers in our former settings.
And sometimes they had some and sometimes, you know, they didn't like with the veiling. And it was so nice to be in a church where we could just sit down and ask questions, and they would give us answers. And the teachings were there. They were wonderful tracts that would go through all these doctrinal things and, that blessed us as well. we found out quickly that first Sunday we were there. We understood community in a way. I think that that we never did.
So, as soon as the church meeting was done, I was rather surrounded by men, talking to me and and being kind to me. And that really is a blessing. It's awkward when you visit a church, obviously, and nobody talks to you. And I thought, I thought, this is awesome. I don't know where my wife is in the church right now in the church building.
And I thought, if if I go find my wife and the women are talking to her, with the enthusiasm that the men are talking to me, then this might just have to be it. I mean, I was shocked, and so I went and found Deena, and sure enough, she was surrounded by women and they were talking to her and welcoming her. And so that was a huge thing. So the so still to us today, the doctrine and the community that we have is such a blessing.
And so, we went home and I honestly think we didn't talk much about the church for a week. I don't know why, because we talk about everything. And so at the end of the week, I think Deena brought it up. She said, what do you think, Jeff? And I said, we have to go back. You know, I said, what do you think? And she said, yeah, we have to go back. And so that was it. We were on the journey now.
Yeah. The the community aspect is an interesting piece you're pulling out there that really stuck out to you then in that process there's nothing like nothing that I found. I don't want to overstate our experiences, are our experiences. And I don't want to make it like we've lived everything. But in my experience, in our background, there's nothing like the community of the Anabaptist. I think the Amish have us all, just to be fair on really, really, really close community.
I teach, singing to the Amish, and so we've gotten to rub shoulders with them, and I think they have us all, but all the rest of the Anabaptist groups were we still are so much closer than I felt like we were in our former background. I am a music teacher and doing that.
Choir tours are just part of life, and this thing where we can call a church or multiple churches in multiple cities and say, we're bringing 60 people to your church, will you host us, will you feed us three times and will you get housing for all of us and the church, usually to say, if they're not busy, of course we would, and make it work. That is the most amazing community. I had never seen anything like that until we were part of this, these settings.
And so it just thrills me and I, we still go to churches. Some are new to me and some are not around the country. And for them to plan these things and be that welcoming obviously to people that they do know, some of them, because, you know, a lot of our people are related, even across state lines. But, it just thrills me. And, it is a huge deal. So in this part of the story then you're starting to get connected more with the Anabaptist community. You're mentioning things like hospitality.
I guess you could say. All right. That would be one way to describe it that really stuck out to you. But what was the process itself like joining the Anabaptists? As you said, you knew there was already sort of, you know, years before you ever went to an Anabaptist church that was starting, but then actually joining process. What was that like?
I would say that because of the seven years of just slow curiosity reading, you know, scripture reading doctrine and studying everything and, and again, not being set on, we're going to go be this we had no idea we were going to be this. We were just looking for something that fit more with the doctrine that we were convicted of at that time. So that by the time we walked in the door again just to visit this Anabaptist church that we'd heard about, I think I was probably 90, maybe 95% there.
And you were about what? 63%. I would say 75 or 80. But we were we had taken our time for so long and then look at again, just looking for a place where we would fit in better with what we already believed. But it it made it much easier as far as what we believed culturally, it was much harder. There were a lot of things that we and it wasn't necessarily anything biblical, but just cultural things that we didn't understand or comprehend or have any framework for at all.
That was really, I don't know, like getting thrown into ice water or something in some ways. And we felt like we had so many things in common doctrinally, but yet culturally totally different. That was hard. That's. That's it. That's an important piece that I don't want to rush past. I'd like to drill into that a bit more. As much as you care to share, I don't want to press on it too much, but it the doctrine alignment is one thing. But then there's the cultural element, and it's easier.
It's easy to kind of catch one or the other, but not really notice both if you know what I mean? Like you were saying, how it's easy for people to oh, look at the Amish and, you know, kind of the Amish tourism, whatever you that's kind of looking at the cultural side. Whoa, that's really interesting. They do it this way. But then there's also the doctrinal side, you know, and sometimes you have people attracted to one of those or the other. Right.
And so you understand in our case that there's some doctrinal alignment. Then the cultural process, is maybe is a lot. And I think it's important that we're honest about that, you know, yeah. Talk me through that process a bit. As, as much as I'd like to share. So I don't think we realize, since we're all neighbors in the United States to some point in Canada, how much of a different culture it is socially than it is in. I mean, in so many ways we look the same besides dress things.
And so there are lots of little innuendos, is that the right term, and nuances socially though. I mean, we're still figuring out, I mean, I teach music to kindergarten through 12th grade. Sometimes I think to the five year olds I teach understand their culture better than I do. And this is about our 19th year, with the Anabaptists. That's incredible.
And so and it's just tiny little things, you know, some things are just, some things that we would say we'd be told, you know, that's actually inappropriate. And I'd be like, wow, I feel so bad. And then sometimes, you know, the Anabaptists would use a phrase and I'd be like, oh, that's kind of irreverent and it went both ways. And, and it's just frustrating, you know, to be in your 30s and 40s and be learning things like that.
And then, I mean, some of it's lighthearted, like, I remember the first time somebody said, we're having haystacks. And I thought, okay, haystacks. And then I noticed that it looks sort of like Mexican food because Deana is from Texas and we love good Mexican food. And so they put all of it in a pile. And I thought, oh, that's, that's irreverent. And then and then they got the ranch dressing out and put it all over and I'm like, okay, this is wrong.
And so I'm still not sure if it's supposed to be sort of Mexican or if it's just a meal with Mexican ingredients. I don't know, I've, I've honestly not figured it out either myself, but I've never thought of that before. That's actually kind of hilarious. And so that's a happy a funny way to look at, you know, culture shock, in a subtle way. That's interesting that you use the phrase culture shock. Yeah. Is that kind of what it felt like. It Well, it was spurts of culture shock.
It wasn't like suddenly, wow. Because we had watched it. I would say that they were very open in patient and answered our they were very approachable. Yeah. I wonder sometimes, are we approachable? You know, and if they were very approachable they would answer our questions. They were very accepting of us. But yeah, I just I don't know why the food thing comes up, but I the first time we went through the food line, whatever, I and I looked and I was like, oh.
And I said, Jeff, they make their own little Debbie's. They were little whoopie pies like wrapped up. And I was like, oh, they make their own little Debbie's like so that but again, those things have nothing to do with doctrine or anything biblical. They're funny and they're little quirks. And I think that was important for us was to separate, you know? Okay, I don't make Little Debbie. I'm sorry, don't make whoopie pies.
But that has nothing to do with what I believe about these doctrinal issues. And I think that helped us a lot to was just to, to appreciate the differences and just say, well, I didn't grow up like that. My mom didn't teach me how to make whoopie pies, but that doesn't mean I'm less of a homemaker or less of a Christian or something, because it's not a doctrinal issue. but at the same time, the culture element can result in a lot of confusion and disorientation. Right. It was huge. It was huge.
It was very like you said, especially we were in our 40s, 30s, 40s. And it was, you feel like by that point you've got a few things figured out, and then all of a sudden you think maybe we don't. Yeah, yeah. Again, just it feels, in my mind. The word it keeps coming up is. Yeah, disorienting. You know, you've lived this, this portion of your life and, like, okay, you know, kind of know how things work. And then.
So then you're in an environment where you keep getting hit with random surprises, where it's like, whoa, how did you how did you work through that? I think we get asked not often, but enough. What can the Anabaptists do to, make it so that all the people from our background will come into the churches and stay? And I think they want this list of, horrible things that the Anabaptists are doing to offend the people from our background that they leave.
And I think we've decided that there's nothing like that at all. It tends to be it. Well, it tends to be people who decide that it's just not worth the cost, for one thing. But for this specific conversation, there are misunderstandings. I think that all that happen, the Anabaptists do have a social worldview, as do the non Anabaptists.
And so I think sometimes we mind read each other incorrectly and and since we're in an Anabaptist setting, you know, their mind reading is going to be more valid to some point because it's the predominating worldview of the of their church. And so we're the ones that can feel kind of silly, you know, and be left out. And so I like animals. And so, we had some friends and they almost adopted as they were so wonderful to us when we first came to the Anabaptist.
And so I would just go out and pet their cow and talk to it. And they told me after, a year or so they said, we thought that you were not a Christian because you, like, worshiped animals. And I was I was like, oh, okay. Interesting. Right. And so, you know, they said like, you know, he's to eat or whatever. And I probably said, you know, don't, don't eat them. And I mean, anyways. And so they're like, yeah.
And so things like that, I just think, you know, they're thinking, wow, this guy really is kind of messed up. He worships animals. And I was just like, I just like to pet animals, anyways. So some things like that, ya’ll are looking at me like that is kind of weird. Jeff. Anyways. Well but I think this is, this is kind of like a fish in water doesn't, doesn't realize there's water around it, you know, like that's how it is with the cultures that we, that we live in. Sometimes it's immersive.
And then when someone tries to break into that space, it can just be complicated, I guess is the word that comes to mind. I think preconceived notions, are really not helpful either. I know one time I sewed some dresses and I had taken Home EC, I don't know why or whatever, and I knew how to sew anyway, so I'd sewn some dresses for my my daughters and I, and we went to church the next day or whatever. And somebody said to me, oh, you have a new dress. And I said, yeah.
And they said, well, who sewed it for you? And I said, I sewed them. And they were like, oh, you sew? And it was like, yeah, like my mom sewed my grandmother. So like, what's the big deal? You can only sew if you're an Anabaptist or something. So things like that. I think we're a little like that because you, you want to fit in like from our standpoint, there are so many similarities doctrinally. We just want to feel a part of it.
And I think when we felt singled out like, oh, you're so different, we didn't necessarily and we felt it some, but it was like, oh, thanks for drawing attention to the fact that, you know, that you think I'm really different and weird, even though on that issue I wasn't that was kind of, But I think it was misunderstandings. I don't think they meant it to be as hurtful as it was.
I was at a brothers meeting once and I've lovely people and we were talking about, passing out turkeys at, Thanksgiving to the community. You know, it's just to be a blessing as a church. And one of the people said, well, do you think the people in the community will know how to cook the turkeys? And I was just thinking, okay, you just said that in front of me. You know, I came from North Carolina, and, us hillbillies could make the most wonderful food in the world.
And every one of us knows how to make a turkey. And so some things like that, it comes across as hurtful, but it wasn't really meant to be that way. And I don't think they thought I was even in the room as a non Anabaptist background person. So there is that. But it's so easy. Just have these assumptions that there's kind of happen, you know what I mean? And that's. I can see some of this as, as definitely a process.
You know, as y'all are entering this and trying to find your way and I think back to some of the things you were saying, you know, we all want to have a place like we want to feel like we belong somewhere. It feels like that's that's a theme that's coming through this episode. Right? Is you're searching, you know, you've been in these different church situations and you're trying to find, okay, where do we belong?
Where can we join a community of believers, where we where we feel like, yeah, we're a part, you know, we fit here. And in a way, I think everybody's looking for that. You know? So this is maybe backing up a little bit, but I want to make sure we, we, we catch this here. What were the main points that convinced you that you wanted to join the Anabaptist? You were hitting some of the cultural things, but it'd be interesting to catch some of the doctrinal, elements as well. I think it was.
And I don't know when this became the defining point, but I feel like that in all the things that we've seen and we haven't seen every situation, obviously, in the world, that the Anabaptist approach to Christianity is the most biblical and that's not to run anyone down. I don't know what you know. The underground church in China does. I have respect for it.
I don't know what indigenous peoples, do that are evangelized and come to Christ, but I feel like what I know of North American culture, it's the best example I've seen. Of listening to the teachings of the Bible and reading them and doing them, and more specific, the teachings of Christ and, of the sermon on the Mount. And it's hard for me to think, and I don't want to be arrogant and say, well, I will never leave.
We're here by God's grace, and I hope that we will stay by God's grace, what is dear to us is, again, listening to the scriptures and saying, it says to do this. So we're in a church that chooses to do those things. And the Anabaptists aren't perfect with every little thing that we do, I get that, but I've never seen any other group that really is this dedicated to to the words of Christ and the commands, the scriptures.
And, it would be hard to go back and say, you know, we still have these beliefs. Well, I don't want to be negative or anything. You know, and run anybody down, but I feel like this is the best example. Yeah. What would you say. That's it. I mean, we have been in different situations in Anabaptist churches where we've been hurt. But we if we really believe this and we do, we there's no, we're going to be in an Anabaptist church somewhere because our doctrine and our beliefs are Anabaptist.
And so I think that's been part of the longevity of our journey, is that we felt like we're going to make it work because this is what we believe. Well and that's another thread too that's coming through is perseverance right. Is that is that capture it correctly.
Do you want to say anything more on on that point I think I mean to people that would be searching and considering to consider it carefully and think about it for a long time and to jump in and to do it in the end for obedience to God and Christ, even if the hurts come because you know, I want to do what God would have us to do and maybe not be a fundamentalist, however do to obey Christ and His commands. And so, like Deana said, we have been hurt and people have...
And I feel like we feel it more since we don't always feel like we are in as a part of the culture. I think our children do. So, yeah, the perseverance for the sake of following Christ and being in the community of people that follow Christ, Perseverance for the right reasons. That’s what I was about to say. Yeah, because there's so many bad reasons that people could do things. And I feel like for us it was that was what ultimately that's what mattered.
That's more important than relationships or being misunderstood or whatever. It's our beliefs. So we had we had to I remember one time we said, well, where else are we going to go? What are we going to? We have to stick this out. Yeah, because we do believe what we believe. So I think that the the modest clothing in this separation is a big draw. I just don't think that that would be enough for us to stay.
And I think maybe that's why some people join for a while and then go away and then the lifestyle as well. Yeah. I mean, along with us going to look at the Amish, we tried farming and a tiny bit of homesteading and starting businesses in, we failed at all of those. We did really we’re unapologetically teachers and It's what we absolutely love to do. so. You don't have a little garden and all the typical Mennonite things, you know, and I think I got two tomatoes this year, right.
Well, okay, I don't feel quite so bad because I'm like the worst gardener on the planet. So I just kind of given up hope that that would ever happen. So, you know, and we can kind of chuckle about it, but, you know, like, that's actually a thing like the Mennonites have their gardens and the whatever.
And if someone's coming in and like, oh, okay, well, if this is like how we're supposed to do things and, and yet maybe you're don't want to do it or don't enjoy it or something like that could be unnecessary pressure that isn't really intentional.
It just kind of happens. So as we pull this package together, what advice would you give to listeners that are on their own journey right now of trying to find what church should I plug into what how do I join a community that represents the things that I value and that I believe God is calling me to, and they're on that journey? Whichever part of the process they may be in, because in your situation, it was quite a process, right?
What do you say to those people they're searching, and what advice would you give them? I, I think that we should search for a church that we feel very comfortable in. And, oftentimes our people come in, they want to be extremely conservative. We, we want to be the most conservative Mennonite or Amish that we can. And we get frustrated with the churches that we find because we feel like they're not conservative enough. And so we want the churches to bend a little for us.
And then I've also seen our people come and want to be fairly liberal and, and so they go to, a conservative church and they want it to be more liberal. Am I saying this? Right? And so, I think it's important to find a church that is as close as your belief system, including culturally, for lack of a better term. Is it the right conservative or the right liberal amount for you?
Because it is frustrating, because I feel like some of the well-meaning Anabaptist churches will try to make things a little bit more liberal, if that's what we are pushing for, because they want to keep us usually, maybe not much more conservative. And so, I would keep going. If the churches are available in the communities where you are from to try to find something that suits. And also our people can be pretty cynical about the Anabaptist. Nuances and things.
And I think hearts come into play. I think sometimes for a time when we come in for the first 4 or 5 years, we kind of feel and it's not imposed on anyone, kind of self-imposed, like we don't have anything to contribute to the community. And so I feel like we replace that kind of not feeling valuable with some cynicism and Mennonite jokes. And so, I would just avoid that.
I mean, the Mennonites do some very charming things and they can be teased about occasionally, but I just feel like, you know, keep the cynicism at bay and see the beauty of the culture and the wonderful things. I would say, first of all, and I think, again, what we're for us was that we already knew what we believed. We had read the Bible, we studied, we weren't following any religion because we didn't even know it existed. Really? Or what knew what it was.
And certainly not the details about it, but as we grew spiritually, we just got to a point where this is what we believe. And so we were looking for a group that believed that. And we certainly never thought it would be, where we ended up when we started, for sure. But that way if you go in and, oh, maybe we'll do this or they do this, maybe we'll do this and oh, we don't really believe this, but everybody else does it, so maybe we'll do it. That's not going to work.
That's not going to last long term. It's not sustainable. No. And I feel like there are things obviously that we can oh I haven't thought about that before or that might be something really good to add in. But you have to really for us, we had to really know what we believed before. You know I think that helped. So much. I had a friend, and, her family was also from non-Anabaptist background, but we were just talking one time, and she said that her mother would sit in church sometimes.
And after church was over, all the ladies would, you know, talk about whatever they were. And she said her mom didn't really feel like she fit in or had really, you know, close friends. And, but her mother had said, well, I might not completely fit in, you know, ever really or feel like I do, but my children, will. and that was the sacrifice that she was willing to make because her upbringing and background in education, everything was so different.
But she was willing to do that because she felt like this will benefit my children. And I have felt like that sometimes. But I will say in my church setting now, I feel accepted and appreciated for the person I am and whatever God's given me. And that's that's a good feeling. I haven't always felt that way, but I do really appreciate where we are now. Some. And I think that's an important piece that you had there that our churches, when I say our churches.
I mean the, the Anabaptist community needs to be aware of is the and these are hard things to know what to do with. But it is so easy to miss things because of some of the cultural dynamics or different backgrounds. Sometimes there's there's gaps or we're missing each other in the communication. And I don't know what the solutions are to these things, you know, but hopefully we can at least put a little more awareness out there of this.
Maybe that will make people more gracious and more, willing to learn from each other, perhaps. I don't even know, you know, and but perhaps you have something you want to add to that. I was just going to say, I think maybe I'm wrong with the men. Might have an easier time of it because they can talk about their jobs or, you know, whatever. And I think sometimes for the women, there are bigger differences. In some ways, I, I don't know, but I feel like.
I've been in situations where they all grew up together, they all went to school together. They all, you know, and I just felt like, I'm so different. You know, I only kind of merge in here, you know, within the past ten years or so. And so then I feel like I'm not going to interrupt and say, hey, let's talk about this. That applies to me, you know? And so but I do really appreciate the the women that have reached out to me. And I don't want to be a ministry project. I don't want that either.
But but but not like ministry project but as in like someone that reached out and cared about your life and just had interest in you and, and made an effort to, to include you, is that, a way of saying it or. I don't know, because I don't I do not want to be a ministry project. I think Jeff and I have always felt like we do not want to be needy, because sometimes people from our background can come in and they're so they need this and they need that and they want that.
It's like take, take, take. And Jeff and I never wanted to be like that. We wanted to give we were, we were frustrated that we could’nt give more. And so I never wanted to feel like that. But it's just it's nice when somebody includes you or something being included I think. Yeah. It kind of gives a sense of, okay, I belong here, I fit in here.
and to be honest with you, in the churches where we would talk about spiritual things, I felt a lot more that those conversations were easy to be a part of. That's a that's a that's an interesting and I think important, important piece. There. Yeah. Do you have something you'd like to add to to what she was saying. we didn't talk about it much, but that there was a, not a crisis. But it was hard for us for 2 or 3 years because we really felt like we didn't have anything to give.
And this is our perspective, not necessarily everybody that would come from the non Mennonite background. We were musicians, you know, we had taught high school bands and instrumental music was a huge part of what we did. And so in our first Anabaptist church, I'm not sure if they actually what we're thinking, what we thought they were thinking. Again, on that mind reading. We thought you just didn't talk much about instruments and playing.
And we, you know, play classical music and other kinds of music. And so we really felt for a while like we really don't say worthless and we didn't want to appear needy. Like I said, we tried the gardening. I tried, some construction and carpentry was kind of fail. And, and so we just felt like we had nothing to give in that particular setting that we were in was a homeschool only setting. And so there was not a Mennonite school there. And so it was pretty hard for us to feel included.
And I do think that's one thing for us as Mennonites could do when people come in is try hard. And I think a lot of the churches do once they're church members especially, and get them involved in, serving the church and in the communities, you know, helping them to be able to serve in different ways there. I remember once there was a fellowship meal, and we really hadn't been asked to do much. And, a family we knew walked in and they had the spoons and forks, the plastic ware.
And Deana said, we haven't even been asked to provide the church with spoons and forks yet. We're really at the bottom of the totem pole. And so, it's a blessing. Anything we can do to get people when they come in involved. And we're so glad that we've been able to be for 10 or 12 years in communities where they have Mennonite schools, and we can serve that way. And we absolutely love it Because you're both teachers right. Yeah. Yeah. So that, that, that part is neat.
But that again that kind of that perseverance to, to kind of get through some of those hurdles like that. That's hard. You know that's hard. I wanted to say to that what he was saying about like figure out where they can fit in. Not right away, obviously, but when they become members. Just what. Yeah. What are their gifts? What what can they what are they comfortable contributing? What can they help with? And again, not as a ministry project. Well, they can't do anything else.
So we'll let them bring the forks. But figure out how to help people plug in using the gifts that God's given them. I think again the key I keep coming back to or thinking through this as a, as a process for you. All right. And this is not something happens overnight. You know, it's not like you woke up one day and you know, found a book on the Amish and you're like, I want to be like that. And you join the Mennonite church next week or so, you know it.
That isn't, I definitely sounds like that's not the vibe we're going for. And that these things take a long time. And I wonder if some of the challenge is perhaps we try to rush things a bit. I don't know, I could be way off. But it can be a bit easy to idealize things, you know, and just think this is going to be fantastic, and everything's gonna be great and wonderful.
And then suddenly the culture shock, as you said, you know, is like the getting dunked in ice water or something like, whoa, I did not expect this. I don't know, and I could be wrong. And every story is different. But I think with us it was almost the opposite. It was like, oh dear, look what our beliefs line up with. It wasn't like, oh yeah, we're going to go play little House on the Prairie. It was like, oh dear, now what do we do? Do we want to do this?
This is, you know, and that again, long term that was a really good thing because we had to think about do we, do we is there anywhere else we fit in? Is this this is what we believe. This is where we fit in the best. And that's what we took quite a while to even once we set foot in an Anabaptist church to think, oh dear, are we, are we gonna really do this thing? And we took a long time and read a lot and studied a lot and prayed a lot.
The other thing was that when we first walked in, I know one of the things we loved was the the music. We just opened the door and we were we were late. Of course, people from our background are late, so we opened the door and we just heard this. We loved music all our lives. We met in a music group. We've been involved in music all our lives. We heard this beautiful four part sing. It was like, that is really neat. But we also there were some things we noticed the first time.
Oh, look at that, look at that. And we picked up very quickly that Anabaptists are not perfect. None of us are. Nobody is. But I think some people would always say to us in the beginning like, oh, you know, we're not perfect. And we'd be like, don't worry. We noticed, you know, we picked that up in the first five minutes. You know, we but again, that that misconception that you think, we think that you're perfect, like. No. Okay. Yeah. I see what you are saying. Yeah.
This, this is quite, this is quite the story. And I think hopefully the piece that people are taking out of this is, is the, the journey and the process, you know, and going through you know it takes time and finding that place to, to plug in what is, what is that community of believers that you should be. You know, I'm saying you that audience, should join in. What is God calling each of us to?
I think that's and that's that's the question, you know, and I'm sure there's a lot of variation depending on who it is and where they are. And that's the challenge. And I think y'all, you both had some pretty significant pieces to add as far as the you have the doctrinal side, right? The beliefs, but then also the culture element too. And, and culture is very complex and it's very hard to understand all the different dynamics and it's so multifaceted and so forth.
But hopefully there are some pieces here that some of the listeners look at. Oh, yeah. Okay. I should, I should be, I should be aware of that. You know, so as, as we bring this story to a close and, and tie the, the ribbons on the package, so to speak, what are any closing thoughts, words of advice you'd want to give to the listeners? Anything you want to leave us with?
I honestly don't think there's anything more important than serving God you know, he says, if you love me, keep my commandments. And, you know, I had a friend once that said, you know what? If I found a better way than this, I think I'd go. And, I mean, I don't want to. That sounds trivial, but truly, I think we should be in churches and in communities where that's the goal is to, to serve God through Christ and do what Christ says to do. And I agree, we just come back to that again and again.
It's obedience. If we, if we do love God will obey him. His word in whatever way we feel is right. we found such joy in that, and freedom. Wow. Jeff, Deana, thanks for taking the time to come on today and share your story. I really appreciate the openness and I feel like I learned a lot today. So thank you. Thanks for having us. Thanks for listening to this episode with Jeff and Dina.
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