Hey, everybody, it's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks. And we continue with part two of our conversation with Stacy Horst. Right after these brief messages from our generous sponsors, let's talk about those kids. Sixty one percent of kids with level one autism fall subject to bullying and social isolation.
Sixty six three out of five kids that are already struggling with having autism are bullied and subject social isolation, with depression rates and suicidal thoughts fifty percent higher, and children with level one autism than the general population, meaning that there's a large number of kids with autism trying to mainstream and get through life, handling their difficulties and
their families along with them. And there's a bunch of those kids that are having suicidal thoughts because they're so sad and so isolated as a result of the people around them.
Bullying them one out of ten as a has suicidal tendencies one out of ten. Then you know, in Tennessee, Florida, right now, there's diagnosed roughly four hundred and thirty five thousand autistic adults, and that can be an eighteen year old. So if Tennessee has one hundred and forty five thousand.
Okay, so if you're in Florida said four thirty five yep, ten percent. That means there's forty three thousand suicidal autistic people in the state of Florida right now. That's what the mouth says.
Oh yeah, well that's I mean, they have suicidal thoughts. And I think in level one when we go back to what you were talking about before, in terms of level one, two and three.
And I am not.
A psychologist or a psychiatrist, I don't play one on TV.
I you know, level one.
They're more aware of what's going on around them, I believe, and they're more aware of.
The isolation, which makes them probably more susceptible to suicidal tendencies because much like my brother in law Ben, they're high enough functioning they see it. So honestly, if you're sitting here listening to us, should I before even get to the there is redemption coming everybody. It's not. That's all ball listening to this day. But if you didn't tear up here in the story so far, something's wrong with you. This should be a call. There should be
a call to parents. If you have kids and you're blessed with happy, healthy, completely functional, normal kids without a whole bunch of stuff. For goodness sakes, talk to them. Explain to him that sometimes there are people around you that aren't just like you, but they are most deserving
of our grace and our understanding. Talk to your kids, because we could fix a lot of this if just parents would have kids have a more understanding, graceful heart about people around them that may look or act a little differently.
Amen.
So that's one. Number two is Aaron's story is the one we are learning about no today. But the data shows that Aaron's story is not at all a one off. And unfortunately, Aaron's story also puts a light on the fact that there are a lot of people who are probably quietly and may be very maybe even unknown, having suicidal thoughts as a result of their isolation. They're pulling
and the way people around them treat them. Absolutely, they're not creating they're not thinking of committing suicide because of the autism. They're thinking creating suicide because of how people treat them, because they have something that they didn't ask for and that they're trying to deal with in their life, which if you think about the depth of that is heartbreaking.
It's very heartbreaking, and a lot of them choose to be isolated because that's the only way they can be, which I think is wrong too, because so many of them they're persons. Some of the friends that Aaron did have Every year on the anniversary of her death, they reach out and which you know, I think is beautiful, and they are all on the spectrum. And even this year in January, one of them she said, I just choose to be by myself.
Because at least when she's by herself, she doesn't get rid of killed.
Yes, and she knows what to expect, right. We all we're all creatures of habit in our lives and want normalacy and schedule. And it's kind of like knowing when you come into work most of the time, you know what's going to happen today. You know there's going to be something different here and there, but not on a major scale.
So we all have of you know.
The ability to go through life and it's just going to be kind of going along except for the bumps in the road, where I think they sometimes isolate themselves because they don't they don't want to have to deal with.
More bumps than we have. Because if you put.
Yourself out there and you get shot down, you put yourself out there and nobody pays attention to you. You put yourself out there, nobody talks to you. Then why do it?
Well? And imagine and.
There's a great there's a great lesson when we get to the other part, the redemption part.
We're getting there now.
There are great lessons and all of that.
So back to that fourth day you are and I interrupted you because I just had this visceral reaction to I'd honestly do not know how you got through that. But on that day you side to be a rock. Tell me what that being a rock looks like and what you decided and what that was.
Well, I can tell you one thing that without our faith.
This wouldn't have happened. There's no way.
Couples who lose a child one in four get divorced and very quickly because of the trauma and everything else.
We just we sat down on the floor again and realized that there has to be something that we can do to bring these kids out of isolation, to be able to have a place that they can go on the weekends when they're being isolated from the rest of the world, to have fun, to just go be who they are, whether you know that's sitting there for three months, which we had one one gentleman, do you know, And so it kind of it started from there, and we
thought about somewhere fun like Dave and Busters, where you can go and just play games, just be no therapy, absolutely none, somewhere where there are no parents because oh yeah, because as parents and those people who are listening and you parent of an autistic child, you or a child with special needs, as they're growing up, you continue to try and help them and part of that helping is correction. And we didn't want this to have anything.
To do with that.
It's just a place where they can come hang out. No parents, nobody correcting themal.
Yeah, absolutely little kids.
Yeah. And one of the lessons that we learned in that is, you know, as a parent, you take your kids to all these things ptot, social skills groups, you name it whatever. In the last eight years, nine years, we've learned that. And this is my analogy, so nobody
throw rocks at me. But anyway, I call our members our square pegs, and you know, it's like you take your kids to all this type of therapy, trying to take a square peg and fit it in a round hole to make them normal so that they can be out in the world with what we call normal or neurotypical individuals, when really all they've ever needed this whole time is to be with each other. They all they don't care about their quirks.
They don't care.
We have thirty two kids with one staff bert well two staff members now and eight volunteers, and they can flit around the room. They can do whatever they want and nobody cares, and they.
Have a ball and if they don't look somebody in the eyes will hell, everybody there understands.
Why Yep, it's okay, it's okay.
I get you.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
So we so we decided to create a five O, one C three. We didn't know what that would look like, and we came up with the tied Aaron's Hope for Friends because she always hoped for a good friend. And as my husband has said, if Aaron had had one good friend, she'd probably still be here.
And so you called it Aaron's Hope for Friends Foundation, so that her memory, at least and her legacy would be that people like her would have that one friend or more.
Or more and date so and go to prom We'll be right back. The mission is to create lasting relationships through joyful interaction. So it's to allow these teens and now young adults. We are now moving into adults. We're also potentially looking at some point maybe doing younger kids. But we just wanted that place where they could come together and they could feel safe and they could hang out with each other. So we created E's Club e Apostrophe S Club that's what the names of the clubs are.
And it is like a mini Dave and Busters. You walk in, it has ping pong, air hockey, pool tables, ski ball, video gaming, and art session.
Yeah it's actual money.
Oh yeah, most definitely. Oh yeah, so.
You went out and so you actually built EA's Club. Is actually not a group of people, It.
Is a physical place.
So tell me about it.
So the first year we started the five O one C three, we had our first fundraiser. She passed away in January. We had our first fundraiser June twenty eighth because that was her birthday. Wow, and so we said it was her birthday party and we.
Gosh, I'm trying to.
Remember how much money we raised. I mean at that point in time, which was twenty fifteen, it roughly cost us about seventy to eighty thousand dollars to open the physical space. So it is an actual physical open space
with everything that I just talked about in more. And then we just continued every year with as we do now, with a fund you know, a big fundraiser a Gallo, which we just had, and we do other fundraisers throughout the year, and grants and everything else to Our goal was to be in every state in the United States by twenty twenty five, but unfortunately COVID that oh well it sloaded down, it like squashed it a little bit.
So but does exist in Georgia.
Yes, it exists.
So the first club was in Alpharetta, Georgia. Then we opened the second club in Ackworth, Georgia. So we had two clubs and we had four other states that we were in contact with that they were interested individuals who wanted to open East Club in those other four states. And then COVID came and we couldn't meet in person any longer, so we ended up we do not own these properties. We lease them the build out and everything that's in it.
Well, the first one was very grad.
Roots, as you can imagine, but we try to get everything donated, even the buildouts, as much as we can so we can use the monies that we raise for programming. And we ended up having to close both of those because we couldn't meet in person.
But before COVID you went from twenty six kids to two years later, three hundred and seventy kids.
Up to this point, we've helped fifteen hundred children, teens, young adults.
We have both I want to share three quotes which speaks to the fifteen hundred people you've helped. A dad about his son. He doesn't feel pressure, He's not afraid to say something that someone is going to make fun of him. For another dad, my daughter always said, I just wish other kids were like me. Now she has that, she's surrounded by other kids like her. It means the world to her. She wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. A kid a teen, I feel a little
bit more open here than I am at school. It's easier to interact with people who are similar to me than to force being normal around others. I'm just glad I can hang out with other people on the spectrum understand me better than all the kids at my school day.
Yep, that's it right, that's it in a nutshell, in a nutshell, yeah, No, it's at our galla.
We had a young adult. She got up and.
Spoke about her experience in the young adult program. And it's not just when I talked before about those AHAs and those lessons that we've learned. This isn't just about EA's Club, because when we had to shut those doors within a month, we went virtual.
Still have virtual today.
And we have teens and young adults from around the country and Canada who are part of the virtual program now, which we're not going to get away. That's not going to go away now that we're back in person. But at the event, this young lady talked and her dad came up to me afterwards with just tears rolling down his face, and he came up to me, he hugged me, and he says, you don't know how much you've helped me, and you've helped my family, and that makes it. That's it,
that's everything, And it's not just a fifteen hundred. It's a respite for the parents. The parents can drop their kids off and have three hours to themselves, to go to dinner, to go to a movie, to just sit, to spend time with the other kids who like my family, I had a neurotypical daughter and I had Aaron who was on the spectrum. What it would have been like for Aaron to be able to go and hang out and make friends with other kids and we could spend time.
With Rachel by yourself.
The other lesson is is that we have we use National Charity League and Young Men's Service League for our volunteer base, not solely, but they are the largest majority, and the it's moms and daughters and moms and sons. And when they walk in the door and you think about you were asking about you know, level one to level three, and they hear, oh, I'm going to a club to work with autistic teens and young adults. Well,
most people the first place they go is three. So you know they're thinking, well, are they going to be non verbal? Like how do I talk to them?
You know they going to get.
Upset, what are they going to do? And they come in like deer in the headlights. They have to be there thirty minutes prior and we just kind of tell them, you know, we just want you to engage everybody. If you see somebody sitting by themselves, ask them if they want to play pool or you know whatever. By the time they leave, they come up to us and they're like, oh my gosh, I've had this is the most fun I've ever had.
Do you know Antonio he.
Is hystericle, you know, I mean, they just they have a blast. And it's so it's become an educational experience for those folks who come in as volunteers because now they see our kids in a different.
Way, normal folks that were just like you before you had an autistic kid.
Yes, but they walk away with an appreciation of who these kids are.
So you got the virtual and you've reopened Where is this thing? Now? Where are we now?
Right now? We opened our club in Woodstock, Georgia, So we have an East club in Woodstock, Georgia. In November eleventh, we'll be opening our first charter in Lexington, Kentucky. That's where Aaron was born, so it's really that's special. But you know, our goal right now is to have ten clubs open by twenty twenty six.
And you have two we have to and a virtual and virtual. How many people are served by virtual and how many will be served by these two clubs?
About about well you can have so Virtual is once a week. Teens are Friday and Saturday nights. Young adults right now are Sunday nights. Eventually we will fill out the programming through the week with other things that there are so many needs now that we've realized for all of them, adults and teens that I mean, even how to ask somebody out on a date. How oh yeah, No, We've had kids go to prom together. I mean, it's just I can't the stories I could tell, well, tell
them they're just I mean, it's just so great. Well, Antonio, who was funny. We had a sixteen year old girl who would come and volunteer, and she went to high school with Antonio. And the one thing that just melted my heart is she said, when I see Antonio in the hallway, I always stop and talk to him. He's the funniest guy I've ever met. Well, let me tell you, there aren't a lot of neurotypical kids who are going
to stop in the hallway in high school. Out of twenty five hundred kids in a public high school.
And talk to a kid on the spectrum.
But the reason she did that was because as she came and she saw and she saw how real and fun and bright. I mean one of the kids that we had, he was ranked one hundred and eighty first in chess in the United States. Wow, and my husband tried to play him multiple times.
We'll be right back, we returned. When I asked Stacy about how many folks come to East Clubs.
Well, I mean, it depends on their programming. So if you have sixty four, you can have thirty two kids per night. So that's sixty sixty four on a weekend. That's just for teens, right, that doesn't include young adults.
And we're open forty eight weeks out of the year.
And then don't ask me to do that math virtual virtual right now, roughly about twenty per night, And don't forget that the parents are being served. And I've when I've met parents, they've come up to me and told me about their children being suicidal and or attempting to take their life.
And now they're still here.
No, and as a result of this that it's helped because they've found a place that's safe, they've found a place that they can go be themselves to the quotes that you stated, and not have to worry about being bullied or made fun of, and everyone.
Accepts each other.
And that's that square peg in the round hole that I was talking about we really didn't need, which breaks my art as a mom to try and force that square peg in a round hole where really all the square pegs just need to come together and have fun. And these kids end up calling each other outside of the club.
They end up meeting each other and doing things.
What kids do exactly because they have a safe place to do it.
Yeah, but they meet each other in that safe place, and then it grows from there. The friendship grows, which is our mission and that it can be a lasting friendship. We just had two people who met on virtual and forgive me, I don't remember where everybody lives. Oh well, the one in Canada and another one in Pennsylvania. I think the parents got together and the one was going on vacation and the parents brought them together so they could meet in.
Person and they got to hang out. How cool is that?
That is cool? So cool? I can't quit thinking what Darren said that if Aaron had one of these interactions, she'd be with you today and you are literally saving lives in Aaron's memory, which, in the coolest sense, is probably her legacy.
I hope, So we hope.
So that's phenomenal.
We want this to be on the same level as the Boys and Girls Club. We want that legacy because of all these kids in the United States, all these young adults, adults. I mean, there's so many needs that we can continue to talk about beyond what we've already found, which we're going to work on. But this can be a space that's open seven days a week for all different types of things to help all these individuals feel complete, feel whole, whole, safe, yes, and productive.
So you said earlier, by twenty twenty six, you plan on having ten.
E clubs clubs, yeah, rightes, yes.
And and you want to go you want to be as big as the Boys and Girls Club.
That's our goal.
That would be one in every city. Yes, So how do you get there?
That's a good question. Who's out there that can help me?
That's what I want to know, which is that's a good question.
Which is exactly what you emailed me, which was, now I can tell everybody you ill me Hey, this is what it was, so quick and to the point. I love an army and normal folks. I love what you're or sharing. I love the stories. My daughter had autism and took her life, and this is what we've done because of that. You sent me a link, and we just want to get the world out to create more of these places for kids all over the country. It's what you said to me in your email. I don't
know if you remember, but I read it today. Yeah, what do you need? It sounds like you need people. It sounds like you need families that are struggling with the same things you guys were struggling with with a child with autism, and you need them to call you and learn how it's done and get involved.
Absolutely, it'll roughly to get to ten by ten, ten by twenty twenty six. I mean it's probably about two and a half million dollars. It takes us roughly about one hundred to one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to run a club for a year, and that's including staff.
So it's.
It's daunting, but we'll do it.
You know, it's a lot, but it's actually not a lot. I mean, it's a lot of money. But with all of the riches available to people in this world looking for good quality things to do that actually do change and save lives, I've got to believe there's people hearing this right now that are like, oh, yeah, I want to do that, or I have an autism person in
my family, or I know somebody that does. And what an amazing mission that you and and I mean, you're still right, You're you're working, right, You've got a life.
Oh yeah, yeah, still working.
Still working in still working, doing your thing. So the other part to this is beyond the ten thousand. Exactly what you said was think of all of the families and all of the rachels who are being post affected by this too. I mean, this thing just has tentacles that are far reaching to every community that it's in.
Oh absolutely, I mean just the families, just like the dad who came up to me two weeks ago in tears. You know, it's helped them because it helped their child, therefore it helped the family. I mean, it is a trickle effect.
Well, I think also maybe it can serve to be a conduit to for their education. To people who don't deal with autism and their family and their childs to just understand that this is a very real thing and it's not trivial and it shouldn't be made fun of. And as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children better.
Absolutely we do.
I agree, And that's why I love that we bring the volunteer base in who gets that education in person and get you how see these kids and how funny and smart and I mean.
It's just there's there's so Like.
You said, I love the octopus and the tentacles because that's we we created. The head of the octopus and the tentacles are just coming out. And the things that we're learning and the things that we can do through Aaron's Hope and through Ease Club, and the number of people that we can reach not only the autistic kids but beyond is it's unlimited because we learn something new every day.
Aaron's Hope for Friends Foundation, anybody who's listened that wants to be involved, or who is struck by this and says, this is something I want to do and can do. Who do they call? How do they do it?
They can call me?
How does that work? Do they call you? Email you? How to get me?
They can call me at six seven eight seven three.
Nine nine nine nine nine. They can email me at Stacyhorst at kW dot com. S T A C Y h O R s T at k W dot com. You can reach out to our website, which is Aaron's Hope for Friends dot org. There's a contact page you can fill that out. You can also send an email to info at Aaron's Hope for Friends dot org.
If there's ever a calling for an army of normal folks to get involved, this is it, because that's what's going to fix it. The government's not going to fix it.
Talking about it's not going to fix it. Nothing's going to fix it, but just somebody like you and Darren who said our children deserve better, and your rock and I am just beyond and amazed by how you've taken the most traumatic thing that could have ever happened to you in your life and turned it into a positive and honor of your daughter so that her legacy lives on in a purposeful way. It is a phenomenal story of sadness and depth and redemption and hope. And you know, nobody,
nobody tabbed you and said go do this. Nobody gave you a foundation and so go do it. You're just a normal mom and a normal life raising two kids the best you know how whoo who very personally felt and saw a need as a result of some great sadness and decided to fill it. And you're saving and changing lives and helping families as a result of it.
And I am beyond honored to have talked to you about it, And thank you so much for sharing in depth the very personal side of the of your story so that people can really understand the importance of what you're doing. I am it's the first one I've teared up in and I've heard some stories, And thank you for being the very first of our organic guests. So you are you, You are, you are, You will be deep in the history of an army of normal folks forever.
Thank you so much for coming to Memphis and sharing your story with us and all the amazing work you're doing.
Stacey, Well, thank you so much for having me and what you're doing with the podcast, because it's amazing.
Thanks very much, and thank you for joining us this week. If Stacy or another guest has inspired you in general or better, you have to take action by starting an East club, or by donating to Aaron's Hope for Friends, or something else entirely. Please let me know I'd love to hear about it. You can write me anytime at Bill at Normalfolks dot us and I will respond. You
know a special note after this episode. If you heard what you've just heard and aren't inspired to talk about any kids in your family, grandchildren, nephews, nieces, and certainly your kids, this story should certainly awaken us to the desperation felt by some due to bullying and exclusion. We have responsibility, y'all. We have responsibility raise our kids with an empathetic heart and an understanding about the dangers of
bullying and the importance of inclusion. I hope you'll think about Aaron next time you see your own children, pray that they never have to go through what she went through, and also take action to teach and foster a level of empathy and understanding and love in our kids' hearts. And I hope this story motivates you to, at the very least do that. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with friends and on social subscribe to the podcast, rate it, review it, become a premium number at normal
Folks dot us. All these things that will help us grow an army of normal folks for our premium members will have bonus content from this episode and it's actually the hilarious story about how Stacy and her husband Darren met, and if you don't want to miss it, become a Premium member today. Lastly, I want to thank our sponsor at iron Light Laps. I'm Bill Courtney. I'll see you next week.