¶ Football Season and Relationship Woes
Hello and good morning , you beautiful people .
Good morning one and all .
Here we are Saturday , the beginning of a three-day weekend and football season .
Football is here . Finally , it has arrived .
Let's see , I wonder who's playing today at 11 o'clock Hmm .
Well , could be the Georgia Bulldogs .
Go Dawgs .
Second .
Who are they playing ? How are they looking ?
Well , right now I would suppose that they look pretty good . They're ranked number one , but you know that's preseason , that's not something you really , you know . Lay your head on and say , you know , woo-hoo , here we go , but you know , so it should be a good year .
We got the very , very , very tough schedule this year and some unprovens , but some provens , and you know it's going to be a good year .
What is Clemson ranked ?
12th .
Okay , so it should be a decent game no , absolutely All right give me the rundown quickly of some standout players and some up-and-coming players quickly , if you can .
Quickly , okay , carson Beck quarterback , if he has a good year , could be in the running for Heisman-type awards and really good things . We have an offensive line that is outstanding across the board . Don't really go into names or anything like that . We have a set of linebackers that are going to be phenomenal .
All right , stop there . Linebackers are they offense or defense ? Defense , Okay .
Defense and a secondary . That should be very good . It's hard to go into names like that , because at Georgia I guess it's not an arrogant thing , but we think more in the line of team . You might have an outstanding player here or there , but it's like last year , you know everybody was yelling and screaming oh , you know , we've got a tight end .
That's so wonderful , wonderful , wonderful . Yet you know we had four people go in the first round and five people go in the second round . So you know you had a whole team that was really good and the year before lots of first-round players and all that stuff . So you didn't rely your head on or , you know , rely everything on just one player .
No , but you do know the names of the players , right ?
Yeah , absolutely , all right , absolutely .
I was just trying to be a good interviewer and stretch it out on the football topic , because I really know nothing about football . Well , I mean , you know , on the football topic because I really know nothing about football . So I don't mind watching it .
Yeah , absolutely .
But I'm not going to be all pouty if I miss a game either .
Well , you know your . Your priorities are one thing but it's something I look forward to every year , again looking forward to it , and it'll be interesting to see . You know , I was looking at the games last night and I saw that Oklahoma was playing Temple and normally that would be a just turn your head , and you know , turn your head and cough type thing .
Hmm , I'm sorry I don't .
I wasn't what guys will know what that means . I know what turn your head and cough means , but I didn't understand how you were using it in relation to whatever you were talking about , I was off gazing on something else .
It means you know , you know you're really not interested in , you know it's not something that thrills you oh yeah , but you know , I realized oklahoma is now in the southeastern conference . It's like , well , that thrills you . Oh yeah , but I realized Oklahoma's now in the Southeastern Conference .
It's like , well , I better pay attention to what the hell they're doing . Yeah , so the landscape changes a little bit .
Yeah , that should bring a little something interesting . More interesting , I don't know .
Oklahoma and Texas are now in the thing . It was kind of funny . I ran into a guy at the grocery store , the thing . And it was kind of funny . I ran into a guy at the grocery store . He had a hat on that had the sec logo on the front and all the sec teams on it . But of course it was before texas and oklahoma were in the thing .
And and then , uh , I got to thinking back my first year at our school at arkansas . Who was our biggest rival ? Our biggest rival was Texas , and it was back when it was the Southwestern Conference .
But now both Texas and Arkansas are in the Southeastern Conference and there's no more Southwestern Conference , and Oklahoma , who is a big eight now , is then you know just how the landscape continues to change .
I'll be honest , I always thought Texas and Oklahoma were already in the SEC . What were they in before ? You said something about Western Conference . I didn't know there was such a thing .
The Southwestern Conference .
I didn't know there was such a thing . That was a long time ago .
That was before you found out what sports were .
So what were they in last year ?
Big eight , big 10 , big 12 , big something or another .
Yeah , All right Well football begins .
It does . We're going to be interesting .
We're going to get the baby today . I keep calling him baby . He's a two year old . He's a toddler now . We're getting him today , so it's going to be interesting to see if we can get him interested in football .
He'll have no interest in football right now .
How can we get him interested ?
Well you , know he's the proverbial kid in right field right now . He'll be interested in the game until he sees a butterfly . Yeah , and then you know , let me go chase the butterfly .
And you know , that's just what a two-year-old does squirrel yeah , what absolutely all right , let's move on to something else . I want to read some dear abby's to you and have you react to them . How does that sound ? Does that sound all right to you ?
gee , okay , absolutely okay , let's see .
Let's see . I'm looking for a topic here . I found one earlier . Now I can't bear with me . All right , here we go . I still love my turn your head and cough yeah , that was pretty good , even though I wasn't paying attention . But after you explained it to me now I can't bear with me . All right , here we go .
I still love my turn your head and cough yeah , that was pretty good , even though I wasn't paying attention . But after you explained it to me , I was looking at the TV , reading the headlines . I was also thinking of the next question I wanted to ask you and I know that's the perfect example of how not to listen to someone .
You're not actively listening to someone when you're thinking about the next thing to say or ask . You need to shut your brain down and listen .
Exactly .
Okay , here we go , you ready , I'm ready . Dear Abby , now I've not read this before , so I just read the headline . I'm scared my husband might kick me out of the house . I'm scared of this too , every day .
I'm afraid you're going to find out I'm a fraud Not a fraud , but you know you're going to get sick of me and say , all right , that's it , you're done out , okay . You know you're going to get sick of me and say , all right , that's it , you're done Out . Okay , you ready , here we go , okay , this seems like it's a long one .
I mean , do we need to go any further than that ? Do we need to read the story ?
Yeah , we do . I want to see why she's scared I have a feeling . I think I know what it is . But let I know what it is . But let's see All right . My husband and I have been together for nine years , married for seven . I moved into his house with him and I'm still not on the mortgage .
I work full time in the medical field and contribute to all the bills . We did meet with an attorney and , if God forbid , something happens to him we have a quit claim deed and I wouldn't have to leave . However , he has said to me several times if you do this or that , you can't live here anymore .
Oh my gosh , if you do this or that , you can't live here anymore . I'm on eggshells a lot . My concern is that he could tell me to leave at any time why are you still ?
I know the guy , I know . Let me finish , let me finish . He should leave .
I know my concern is that he could tell me to leave at any time and I wouldn't have a say in it . I love him with all my heart , but this makes me feel like I'm disposable . It makes me sad and uneasy . What do you think ? Get the hell out of there ?
Well , first of all , you know they can't kick illegal aliens out of the country , much less kick you out of that house . Squatters rights . You know you have squatters rights .
That's a messed up relationship from the beginning .
Yeah , why are you there , right ? That's my question , right , and if you're , you know , know , what did she say ? She's a nurse oh , I didn't .
It didn't say no , she works in the medical field . I don't know medical field .
Okay , so she apparently has a fairly decent job . Uh , so why are you there ? Right exactly that would be my response she just says .
he says if you do this or that , what is this or that ? Even it's still , I guess it doesn't matter .
It doesn't matter , she shouldn't be there , let's see what Dear Abby says If you go on a homicidal maniac spree , I'll kick you out . Well , okay , sure .
If you leave lipstick on the coffee cups , you're out .
Yeah gone , see you bye . So what does Dear Abby have to say have your husband should not be threatening you .
No duh , you live in a state in which a set assets are divided by a judge on an equitable basis . For your peace of mind , schedule an appointment with an attorney and discuss where you would be financially if your marriage should not work out , then plan accordingly . No , get the hell out right now .
And they always got to have some attorney tell them what to do , right , oh , come on .
Right .
Whatever happened to you know taking your own responsibility for your actions , mm-hmm Yep . Well , number one , the letter's screwed up . And number number two , dear abby has the stupidest advice . Okay , yeah , okay next one ready .
All right , dear abby , my sister demands her annoying pet bird must sit at the dinner table okay , well it's against a lot of sheep , the the sister .
So you shoot the bird and you're done with it .
Next question All right , my sister has a squawky bird . She insists on keeping alongside the dinner table when she invites guests for dinner . Its ear piercing . Screeching inhibits guests' ability to carry on a normal conversation . So I asked her if in the future she could please put the bird in another room during dinner .
She responded that the bird is a family member . I said so are children , but they aren't permitted to run around the the dining table screeching when there's company over . Oh my gosh . This year when we returned to another dinner she pulled the bird in his cage even closer to the table . That's disgusting . I wouldn't even go over there anymore .
To the person sitting next to her then the last time she apparently decided the comfort of her guest is not as important as her closeness to the bird . I don't know how to address this in the future . When she disregards my feedback , then don't don't go over there anymore .
I think the woman's brilliant by doing the bird thing . Oh , so she can't so that way , people don't want to come over and she doesn't have to screw with them , like I'll show you .
Well , that's a take , and that way they make the decision on their own .
Like do y'all is that ? What do they call that ? Uh manipulation ? Uh passive ? Aggressive yeah well , I invited you and you didn't want to come over , so yeah yeah , that's , true I think she's brilliant . Yeah , that's true but you know , taking the other side of it there's . You know one simple thing . You know shoot the bird , eat dinner , all right .
So here's what . Let's see . What does abby say ?
because it's clear your advice wasn't appreciated . The next time you are invited to a dinner party at your sister's at home , feel free to say you're busy .
There you go and the bird lover wins again yep , there you go all right .
All right , let's see . I you think that's good enough . You want to do a question ? You go Alright . Alright , let's see . You think that's good enough ?
You want to do a question , let's do one more .
¶ Breakfast and Family Dilemma
Let me see if I can find one we can point out .
I'll try to find it . Try to find one , a good one .
Well , we're going to do a little off-the-wall breakfast this morning . Yes , tell us about breakfast while I'm trying to find something Well , normally we're real picky not picky eaters but we like to eat kind of light , have some grits and some eggs and that's it .
But I was going to surprise my bride this morning and I'm going to make biscuits and gravy , sausage gravy , biscuits and sausage gravy and put a fried egg on top of it and splurge for breakfast this morning .
It's going to be really good .
If you've ever had this , you know I saw a video of school kids in Great Britain trying different foods from the Americans , yes , and it showed them eating biscuits and gravy and they were like you know , this is what is this ? Lumpy crap . You know , this is awful Gravy . Before they taste gravy , of course , gravy is supposed to be brown .
You know why would you do that ? And then they eat it and their eyes just explode and they're like , oh my god , this is the greatest thing ever and they're like oh you americans , your food's so good yeah , but you're gonna get fat , so don't eat too much of it .
Going to get fat , so don't eat too much of it . Enjoy . All right , this is the last one . You ready ? I'm ready . Dear abby , my son is in a throuple . I don't want them to all stay in my home and you , you have the right to say no what is a throuple ? Three . See he's in a threesome . Okay , I'll read it .
Let me read it Okay .
Remember , we've known people like that .
I didn't know , you called it a throuple . Oh , I don't know , I call it . It's a threesome . Okay , a throuple , yeah , a throuple .
All right , you ready , here we go . My 25-year-old son lives with his two girlfriends who are also romantically involved with each other . They share a single bedroom . One of them has a baby due this week and the other has made noises about wanting a child . I don't approve of this arrangement and I can't see it ending .
Well , I love my son and I have a good relationship with all three of them , but it flies in the face of my upbringing and beliefs . Well , that's a . That's a opposite right there . You have a good relationship with all three of them , but it flies in the face of my upbringing , upbringing and beliefs .
My question how do I deal with the threesome if they come and stay at my house ? I don't want this going on under my roof , but I don't know how to assign bedrooms . Well , you're the parent . You either tell him no , you all cannot stay here , or two , you're going to stay here , you're going to stay there , and you're going to stay there .
All right , what do you think ? What do you think so ?
yeah , I just boy . I game comes on 11 today and I'm looking forward to it , man , it's gonna be a great football game . We got snacks going on , yep okay , good football game today .
All right , let's see what Dear Abby says . Discuss your feelings with your son as soon as he tells you he and his extended family want to stay at your home . Explain that what goes on in his dwelling is his business , but in your own home you prefer the three of them or four once the baby arrives not to share one room . That's the problem .
You got to be gentle , you got to walk with . You got to walk gently around this situation because there's going to be a grandbaby and if you want access to that grandbaby , you know you got to tread lightly , I think .
I just , you know , I don't . That's almost like they make this crap up .
I do , and I was just going to get to that too . I think some of these are made up and I think we should write in . Mr Sean said he was going to write a couple . I want him to write a couple and write in the Deer Avenue .
It's like trying to write the penthouse for them . They'll never believe what happened to me yesterday . I was in the grocery store and came upon this . You know four women who you know all , wanted me naked
¶ Questioning Truth in Penthouse Forum
.
So you're revealing that you've read Penthouse Forum before .
Well , who hasn't ? I'm not . Oh , come on , Carol .
I don't know .
If you were a red-blooded American boy , you read all kinds of things , absolutely .
Okay .
Well , I mean , you know , think about it , boy . When did you see it on Seinfeld ? When they're at the little bodega and Kramer says , oh , get the penthouse for them , that'll be good stuff to read at the dinner table .
Okay .
The point being , the stories are made up , and I think that some of these stories that they come up with this on are made up as well .
Oh , definitely , and there's no doubt about it .
I think they are .
That's the point of it . Yes , they need , because you know who's writing to Dear Abby .
Yeah , who's writing to Dear Abby and talking about their ?
Yeah , all right , we need a question of the day and move on . Okay , yeah , all right , we need a question of the day and move on .
Okay , here's the question of the day from the gent , dear abby or penthouse forum . Which letters are absolutely true ? Which letters are actually letters written by people ? That's your question of the day , all right , and if you answer one or the other , god bless you and do , and I wonder if they're ai generated nowadays oh lord , they probably are .
I wouldn't doubt it . The way the I know what did you call it a ? A trip truce , thruple A thruple , yeah . What the hell yeah .
Let's make up a word too . At least it's heterosexual Kind of .
Maybe Kind of Maybe .
You know , we don't know that . Well , the thruple we knew were all men and we didn't know them . Know them .
We knew of them . You worked with one of them that's all I know . Alright , gotta go that's all I care to know about it go dogs .