Here there, folks. It is Thursday, March twenty six, and don't you love a good compliment? Doesn't it always feel good when somebody says to you, Wow, you look great. But does it change when they add to the end of that for your age with that? Welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. The subject has come up because of Howie Mandel. We will get into all that, but let me start off the top. Is it for you robes immediately automatically an insult if someone says you look good for your age.
Look, I don't think anybody wants to hear that last for your age. And I don't know why you have to say that. I think just saying you look good is good enough. But when it's around your age, when you're talking about your age and then that comes up, Yeah, it's you now have You're not being compared to either your former self or someone. It just it doesn't feel like a compliment when someone says that.
Okay, Well, Howie Mandel didn't think it was a compliment either. Earlier this week, he was a guest on Live with Kelly and Mark. I was still about to say.
Really, Regius, Well, I mean, honestly, it flows, I'd get it.
Yeah, okay, but hard to say Kelly and Mark, he's on, of course, Howy Mendel was seventy years old? By the way, can we just say he looks good?
He does look good.
How he looks good? I like the look he has with the goate he's been using this past several years. No hair, the glasses is working for him. You know what.
He reminds me of like Jeff Goldbloom. Just cool. He's like getting cooler with age, like actually like comfortable in his own skin, knows his style and yeah, and just looks.
Good and still hip, appropriately hip, right, not trying too hard. God looks great. So he's on. I'm not even sure what he was promoting. And we're gonna play this for you now. But you've seen a lot of headlines possibly that he got into it with the hosts because they were complimenting him, Robes especially saying you look great. How old are you? They were complimenting that he looked so good for the age of seventy. He didn't take too
kindly to that. So Robes, first, what impression should people have if they were just reading the headlines and didn't hear it?
It sounded like, and in fact, some of the headlines suggest it was awkward. It was tense, it was uncomfortable. So when we went to go watch it, I thought, Wow, this is gonna be this is gonna be something. This is going to be awkward. That's how it read. When you just read the headlines or read some of the articles that were written about it.
Someone were kind of vicious. I mean, we're the point you thought they got into it.
It sounded like from what we read that Howie Mandel gave it to Kelly and Mark like actually like serve them some angry words.
Okay, we're gonna play it for you now look some of those headlines. Obviously we're a little clickbaity, but we're gonna let you hear it. Now. The story here, Yes, it's about how and what happened in this moment you're about to hear, but has really sparked a very interesting co versation about compliments and backhanded compliments. But here is Howie Mendel in the exchange with Kelly and Mark earlier this week.
Seventy years yes, seventy years old, Yes I'm seventy. How does any sense?
What do you mean? It doesn't I look great. That doesn't mean anything.
No, I mean.
No, no, no, no. I don't like that because that's a caveat when you say you're Because he tells somebody you're seventy and they go, you look great.
You're not saying you look great for seventy, Yes you are, without saying yeah, seventy, I'm saying you look great. I'm saying that I don't believe your set.
No, no, I'm saying no. It's like saying you're smart for a stupid person. Yeah, oh you look smart. You seem smart. You see.
I don't look good.
No, you do look good, Thank you. Okay. Your impression after hearing it Robes was what.
It sounded a little more wink wink, nod, nod, jovial. I think Howie was a little annoyed, but he also decided to lean into it and spend some humor around it.
I thought he was being a comedian, that was my impression, and he went hard and sometimes comedians sometimes they're deadpan, and he was kind of not laughing about it. I didn't was the question wrong? Was the response wrong? I shouldn't say wrong? But did you take would you have done either? One differently. Would you have asked the question differently? Would you have answered it differently? That's my question.
Yeah, so I think, look what when Kelly basically just said that doesn't make any sense? It kind of felt like feigned surprise. And I don't think he liked that, like, come on, what do you mean it doesn't make any sense? Like that was annoying to him when people feigned surprised like I think he was irritated by it. So she probably could have just said you look great now. In defense of what she said, I think she did a good job of explaining, no, you look great and it's
hard to believe you're seventy. I think that's a compliment. I understand why it can feel offensive, and he he went a little hard, but I do think he was doing it for entertainment purposes.
Yes, I'm with you there. I didn't find anything being spirited about what he did. Now, it did cause an awkward moment because he called them on it, and maybe we should all be called on it and think about how we speak to folks sometimes. I'm trying to examine that particular thing they said, because, to be honest with you, robes, there are a lot of people out there who do look great for their age. That is just wait, you're eighty. Most eighty year olds I see don't look like this.
They're not out here running a marathon, that they don't have toned arms. Isn't it a real thing that factoring in someone's age adds to your wonder about how great they look look?
And so I just want to say, I don't really take it personally, and I have had people say that to me. I think there's a similar thing people say, like younger, like twenty year old girls, if I look half as good as you do at your age, I'll be set. So it's there. I know it's a compliment, but I also think we have to be honest with ourselves and recognize that as you age, it does get
harder to look better. You are fighting gravity, you are fighting cells that are damaged and declining, like you aren't your best, shiny, bright new self physically that you were ten years ago, twenty years ago. That's just the truth. So I kind of look at it as as a compliment because it's almost earned, Like you've worked hard, you've taken care of yourself, you've eaten right, you've exercised, you take time to make sure you present yourself a certain way.
You haven't let yourself go, you haven't given up. So I actually think it is a compliment. But I can understand why it can feel offensive.
You think it is a compliment, but you see why it could be offensive, Yes, but you aren't offended by it.
Correct. That's exactly where I fall on it. How would you feel if someone said that to you.
I don't really know. I'm thinking. I can't remember times where I get I get it a lot when it has to do with my frankly, my weight, my physique. I'm still the almost the same weight I was in junior high school. That is a true story. So I get that sometimes, certainly from uncles, like how are you You don't have your your stomach's not out, you're forty. How are you doing? Yeah, I hear that. Sometimes I
think that is a compliment. I don't know. I'm questioning how to speak to other people when I see them and I think someone looks great, Wow, she looks good today. He looks good today. What he's seventy four? That's a It almost adds to it. But robes if you didn't know that person was seventy four, but they still alicit a compliment from you about how good they look, right or is it only in the context of their age.
It's probably both. And look, I think what I've always tried to do, and I know not everybody wants to give this grace, and I get that, but I always try to reckon knives or at least incorporate in my reaction their intention. And you can tell if someone means it as a complient, intends it to be a compliment, even if it doesn't feel like one, when you see that they're actually trying to give you a complient. I
give people a break. I understand people have said things that you're like, wow, that actually is so offensive, but I know you didn't mean it that way, and so you just let it go. But it is something to note. I think when you see something like this, or you hear in exchange like this, it does remind all of us to be careful how we choose our words. I because not everybody feels the same, and some people are more sensitive than others. And I get that.
This made me think of the commercial you know I love now the passive Progressive.
Oh, it's so funny.
Marshalls where they're insulting folks over insurance's like, wow, you they do have rooms with balconies. Good thing, you save money so you could buy some better clothes.
Like it's a little look how cute you used to look? Or look how young you used to look?
Yeah, okay, brilliant. We should give it for that. But folks, this thing is now set off a conversation with a lot of folks, and folks immediately want to take size. They were with Howie or they're with Kelly and Mark. But that's not the case. We actually sat here and had some fun coming up with other examples of stuff. Has it's actually been said to us that maybe was meant to be a compliment but ended up maybe even pissing us off a little bit. There's so many examples
of that. We will give them to you, and plenty of them you've probably heard already. Stay here, all right. We can tell you here on Amy and TJ, you look good for your age? And what age do you start getting that?
I think forty compliment thirty.
Yeah, if you tell somebody you look good for your age?
Women, yes, no, yes, women, I would say, like younger girls in high school when I was in like starting my forties. Yes, you kind of get paid that compliment from girls who are yes, when you're young. Forty is so old, right, And I think it starts for women in their forties. Maybe it starts for men in their sixties. I really do think that's probably true.
Well, I'm saying I can't imagine if a woman you meet somebody she's forty two, Oh my goodness, you're forty two. You look great. Yes, that sounds like that. That sounds like an insult.
I got that in my forties, Absolutely got that on my immediately offended.
Forty isn't Oh how am I supposed to look?
I'm forty that And also when they see you have adult children, they'll say like, oh my goodness, you look great to have kids that age. So that also is a compliment. I know it's intended that way, but you could be offended by it.
Be careful how you talk to people, and particular Amy Robock. Apparently the other examples we started coming through. You got a little list there. Yeah, what else qualifies as a compliment that ends up being an insult?
Okay, you show up somewhere, you've got a snazzy outfit on and someone says to you, I could never pull that off.
Okay, yeah, yeah, I think I've said that to a bunch of people.
You've said this to me, you look great in this light. Yes, you you look great in this light, especially when it's like candlelight or it's dark. That is that could be I'm kidding. I was just adding that part, but that could be offensive. No, what you have said to me is what do you say to me? Oh?
You have Yeah, you know what I do. You're trying to remember I said, oh my god, you have such a gorgeous smile.
You should you should smile more more. Yes, that's what it is. You say that to me. You have a gorgeous smile. You should smile more. Okay, here are some other ones. How are you still single?
That's uh, that's bad. What you're saying is, wow, you're attractive. You're such an impressive person physically and everything. You got everything going? How are you still single? It's supposed to be a compliment, but we're essentially saying what's wrong with you? Yes?
What do I not know? Are you crazy? The other one anything about someone's weight. So it can mean you can come from a really good place, like, Wow, you lost so much weight, you look great. The implication is you didn't before and or wow, you're so thin now, that's amazing. It's just anytime you're making a comment and saying it's positive because you've changed, you're implying that before you changed, you weren't.
Maybe it's just an improvement.
So I thought this was interesting. I read somewhere that if you are wondering whether or not this compliment you think you're about to pay someone could be taken the wrong way, or could be actually, yes, a backhanded compliment
if you add four. So just the compliment being you look great for your age, you look great for an older man, you look great for a mom, or for a new mom, or for someone who just had a baby, like those are all compliments that people create, those caveats, So if you have to add four at the end of your compliment, you might be offending someone. That's a
good gauge. I would think the other one. They said, if you start your compliment with or you put this in the sentence actually or surprisingly, it's not going to be a compliment.
You don't think about it. Food, Wow, this is surprisingly good.
If I just made it. I'm now offended. How about you're so articulate.
Oh that's the classic. That's the classic. That's not a compliment. White people. Stop telling Black folks that we speak so well. Please stop doing that. Have a college degree.
Crazy thing is you hear it all the time.
All the time. You still see it on TV.
It's articulate everywhere we go.
What the actual hell are you talking about. It's not a compliment to tell me, as a black man that I have a good command of the English language. I know.
I actually my girlfriend who is black. This is our first job. We were in Charleston, South Carolina. We had voicemail back in the day. Her name is Erica, Love you Erica. She She was like, Amy, come here. You have to listen to this because fans or viewers would leave messages on our voice. Did you have that in your first newsroom, so people could actually leave a voicemail for you to tell you what they thought of your reporter the day? That used to be fun, Like, oh god,
what are these? I just remembered how many times you get crazy, crazy voicemails left behind And then the.
Higher up you go, then you've had more of a disconnect with the audience. They don't have direct access to you, but I can remember those newsrooms and having that. I can see the phone sitting on my desk and the lights that were flat. I'm sorry we kind of go off topic, but yes, those were the days.
But you could get a lot of backhanded compliments. So Erica played this for me and a viewer decided it was going to be a real nice compliment for him to leave a voicemail saying, just want to let you know, I think you're real pretty for a and then he said, colored girl. He said that, put it on the voicemail and felt good about leaving that message because he thought he was saying something nice to her. What what we were like? That is not real?
And he did. He just went with the double whaman.
But that was a four right exactly. He tonally an older gentleman, so maybe he was back in the day they are so pretty four never So, if you are going to give someone a compliment and you start to say the word four, stop aboard, aboard, do not continue the sentence.
You know what, that's a very good rule. Keep that in your back pocket. Take a beat. I thought of another one as you were sitting here in California had a really nice big white ta hoo, nice rims on it. This whole thing, a guy actually stopped. He circled around and stopped as I was washing my truck at a car wash spraying the thing you know that those spray that. They don't have him in New York right now in the South. So some people in New York like, what
the hell are you talking about? Where would you go to wash your own car? Yeah, they have those in the South. Goy circles around, comes back and asks, what do you guys do to drive such nice cars like that? He said, oh my, he thought he thought it was a professional athlete. We got into a back and forth and it wasn't nasty and the least bit we actually had that conversation. Woo.
And also this isn't really a backhanded comp but we have seen this happen. It's definitely happened to you especially and again this is on the lines of racism. Do you work here, Just assume the person of color in a store is an employee and not a patron.
The thing about that I've gotten where someone tried to cover it up. We're saying, well, you just you addressed so nice that I just assumed you worked here. I'm looking around where lock motherfuck, nobody is in a suit near I've gotten that before. Oh my god.
We we actually saw this at a very fancy wedding a couple of years ago where one of the guests. Everyone was in Texas. This was a very formal weddingr this.
Was this was the will end on this one, this will takes all the cake. Watched it happen. It's hilarious. An older guy as well.
It was an older white guy and he was walking by a black couple. Actually he was with his wife, I think, and anyway in tucks and he looked at him and said which way to the restroom, And to his credit, the guy in the talks said, I'm a guest at this wedding, not an employee, but thank you. And it was we were like our mouths dropped we saw it happen.
I don't know why you would pick him out because we were all lumped together, all informal wear. Why with the.
Because he was blind, because he was black dressed like the rest of them. If a white guy, the white guy in the tucks, everybody never have assumed never would have asked. That was a jaw dropper. So yes, never assume someone's pregnant, Never assume someone is in employment at a story you're in, and then ask yourself, why did I make that assumption? Right? And just check yourself, check yourself.
So interesting, But it's look compliments all of us sometimes. I know some of this stuff was clickbait. I don't think they were really genuinely upset. I haven't seen anything else about it, but it was a moment that sparked a conversation, and a fun one at least, or an interesting one and maybe even an import one. Well, yeah, I actually appreciated this. You are the one pushing for this episode. I h maybe this makes sense.
Yes, and look, you can go online. I was laughing. There's like a whole list of backhanded compliments. And I know we ended with that fun story, but I thought that you're not as dumb as you look. I think people say that and jest I say that about myself.
That is meant to be an insult. Yes, that isn't.
And you know what, thank you for bringing that up because I just want to end on this now. We keep saying we're ending, But I thought This was so interesting. There are two types of backhanded compliments, the one where people don't intend for it to be negative, they intend it to be a compliment, and then there's the other kind where it is absolutely intentional. It is absolutely intentional and we and you can smell the difference between the two.
Oh course you can, so be careful that there compliment folks. The rule again, if you have to use four, you're messing up. Don't say anything about anybody's weight, no matter if they gained it or lost it. Correct and you know, just stay away from women's age. This is just a general rule that's probably a good one.
And then don't use actually or surprisingly, I thought those were great tips.
Hey, we're here to help more. You know, I always appreciate you hanging out with those folks from my dear Amy, robock Up, TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to y'all soon.