What's On Your Year End To-Do List?

Welcome everyone to the Amy and TJ Podcast. I don't know if any of you all have felt this or not, but Thanksgiving was so late this year that all of a sudden, I feel like December just happened and I wasn't even anticipating it so much. And so, yeah, we have a few weeks left until the end of the year, and you know what, I don't know if everyone has

No, I'm still laughing that everybody got an introduction that wasn't even now. I wasn't even here. You just talk and talk and talked. You introduced both of the producers. I'm sorry that was Did you even realize, oh you're there, that I am here?

Yes, yes, okay.

I was no. I was getting I was giggling because I didn't know how long it was going to go. I thought you were actually going to call on him and hit This is gonna be the first podcast we've done in a year in which you hear another man's voice on it before you hear mine.

That's why we were headed and that's why I don't start podcasts often, so.

People don't know that this is a debate, that it was not a debat anymore like you doing. But yes, it's uh I sit back and just watch watch it, magic, watch magic.

I know you're taking notes. I saw you taking notes. I'm going to do what Robes did this time next time. Yeah, you just have a bunch of scratches. You're scratching out what you were going to say, because I so eloquently put it all into play.

You know, what things I want to do before the year's over. I haven't thought about that, but there's always stuff and I'm unfortunately think about it too often when someone I know passes away and I think, wow, I was just meaning to reach out blank and just think about the things. And I say this, said this before. There's so many people who are listening now. Friends of my who over in the past two years got in

Yeah, I was gonna say, will you make an active note of it and the next few weeks actually make a point to do it before we get to the new year.

Absolutely, And it's the holidays as well. You know, sometimes people are a little down around the holidays. Some people are lonely around the holidays, right, even if you have family around you, sometimes you can still feel lonely, so I think sometimes there's a little note of encouragement. It's always good anytime, it's a good time, but the holidays, certainly.

I agree with you. And the one thing I think we can all look back and say, I wish I haead it's about reaching out and connecting with people, asking that front to launch who you haven't seen in a while, or just checking in on them. That's a really good point. And I think I'm thinking that's probably on the list as well. But Andy's got the list in front of him now, so why don't you walk us through it?

All right?

So number one on this list is texting that old friend you've been meaning to call.

Oh, I you should play family feud survey says number one. Now the balls in your court.

It is. But everybody do that, and I've done this before. But if you stop right now, everybody, pick up your phone and go into your messages file and then scroll down, down, down, down down to the very bottom. Who is that person you haven't talked to in so long? And why like, who is that on the very bottom there? Whoever was a message you never responded to? Or why did you lose touch? Or they're on your list of people you've been talking to, but why is that one or the

And you know what. We've said this before, but it's worth mentioning again if you've been through tough times and we certainly have recently. The people who do, even if seemingly out of nowhere, if it's been years, even since you've spoken to them, one note, one sentence, one quick text, it's amazing what that does for that person.

And even if you don't hear back from them, yeah, they'll read it.

It's still meaningful the world. I've been amazed at how much it's touched me just to say, hey, you don't even like I love this, especially if someone's going through a tough time. You do not have to text me back, but I just want to let you know you're in my heart, you're in my thoughts, and I'm sending you love. That is all it takes.

And don't give up if you don't hear back from them either, because I was bad about that for a little while, and there were certain folks who would not let me be, didn't ask for any response, but they didn't care that I didn't respond and they stayed at it. So it's that's really really meaningful, And that's number one on the list there, But it's that's a big one.

It's good for you and it's good for the person receiving it. Everybody wins.

Nice Number two. Finally taking that weekend trip.

Yeah, why not? I mean why not? Everybody? Just I know we can't. Sometimes you just jump in a car. Well, you know what again, everybody think about right now, what's the thing or the place you've been saying you want to go and you still haven't. Ask yourself why you haven't, and then why the hell not go for it?

Yeah, I'm a big believer in this. You don't know how much time you've got. So if there's something you really want to do, someplace you really want to go, just book it, Just book it and go. I love that, And that's good advice because you're never going to regret a trip. You're never going to regret a mini vacation. You're never going to regret spending time in a place you were thinking about going to. You're never gonna think I wish I hadn't taken that trip. It just doesn't happen.

Number three is saying sorry to someone who deserves it.

Oh boy, yeah, I mean, and sorry is the hardest word. Why is sorry the hardest word?

Right?

But that also is a gift to yourself and a gift to that other person because when you say you're sorry, you surrender, and when you surrender, you let go of whatever notion you had. I something my mom has always said to me that I've said to the girls, and I have to remind myself in moments it is always better to be kind than right, period.

But you're still right.

Look at you. Stop. If you know it, that's great. You don't have to prove it to the other person.

I can be kind all day long. If I know I'm right, I have no problem. You can win this little confrontation that's going on right here, right now, because oftentimes I know that it might be in the next ten minutes, might be tomorrow, or in two days. That person's going to realize how much of an ass they made of themselves in front of me. And that's fine.

They might realize it, but they still might not say I'm sorry, because that's a really hard thing to say. You don't need it.

Oh no, I don't need it. And I'm sorry is more so for the person saying it versus the person who's been wrong. I don't need enough. I'm sorry for somebody. I really really don't.

Can you forgive somebody even though they don't say they're.

Sorry, I can forget them. That's why I no, no, no, you know me well enough to know this, and this is something I am bad at. I have a very small circle in that circle. Not a lot of extra folks get into that circle, you know that. So when someone shows me something about themselves before they get in the circle, then I don't need to bother with them anymore.

Even if they apologize and they mean it. I don't understand the answer to that.

Yeah, that's fine, but I don't. The whole point was, I don't need an apology. I don't need it. I'm sorry from anybody I see.

I think I'm sorry are very powerful and I incredibly I appreciate them from you. That's right, right, But I'm actually assuming it's if we're talking about this, it's from someone who is somewhat meaningful in your life. It's not like someone bumped you like you know, bumped into you on the street. But this is like a friend or a partner or a family member.

Oh, all that goes, I see, I would. I'm thinking of it as all that goes without saying somebody that's I know, in love, a family member, you and I'm sorry is almost necessary to move forward. Yeah, but outside of that, I don't need it. I'm sorry.

We're talking about it. It's it's not too later. Things you wish you had done before the year's over. Do you think it's ever too late to say you're sorry?

Oh? Well, as Justin Bieber would say, I don't know. I think maybe it can be too late. I just it's I needed that a long time ago. It's it's it's I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, I don't think I think it can be too late.

Yes, you do, don't. I hear what you're saying, and I agree. I'm not saying that the relationship would go back to where it was, But I do think I actually think it it's never too late. You can always say you're sorry. Doesn't You can't have the expectation then that that person will forgive you, or that that person will come around and you will have a renewed relationship. But I still think it's a gesture that you can give without expectations. And it's never too late to do that.

Okay, I would just I say too late as a matter of is it have any meaning?

Right?

I just don't care. I mean, you can say it makes you feel better, fine, but it has no impact on our relationship. It's not going to change anything. I'm not going to rest better. So yeah, it could be too late, Okay, a small window of time to say I'm sorry ropes.

Okay, what is that window?

Just for few it's closing on something you did about a month and a half ago.

Number four is clearing out the chaos in your space.

Oh well, yeah, I've been starting to do it, but I that is something I would like to accomplish in the next couple of days or weeks that has such a mental impact on me at least when in fact, right now, my daughter Analise is taking bags and bags of things I've already cleared out to Goodwill as we're recording this, because and I remember just feeling relief, like my shoulders relaxed knowing that she's getting it out of the house. It makes a huge difference.

Uh, yes, you know how all as am when I you know something's going on and something's wrong with me, when I start clearing things out and throwing things away and getting really organized, that's how I go about finding my I don't know my piece again. Yes, to control the things I can control, but yes, a lot of new things people can get, new gifts, new clothes and all this stuff. So yeah, it's a good time to get stuff out of there.

Yeah, making space for the new.

Number five is taking the time to remember the good stuff.

That's vague.

Well, no, but you know what I think. But I actually I love this. Something we can do over the next couple of weeks because a lot of times this is a time of year where we do reflect and we might not even realize how much we're thinking about the negative. He did that, she did this. I wish this would be different. Why didn't this happen the way I wanted it to. If we can recognize that we're doing that and maybe even kind of looking at things negatively, sure,

To just takes training to do that. It's so difficult to do it when you're in the moment and something is that frustrating. I am a flight just got delayed or canceled, or your bags got lost or whatever it may be. It's hard to find a positive in that moment. But we've had so many. I'm trying to think of the exactly I'm not going to be able to come up with it here. But we got a wonderful opportunity

I'm trying to remember, well, I remember last year when we were in Puerto Rico and our flight got delayed and we went back to the hotel and we actually ended up Okay, I know exactly what we actually went back to the hotel. We actually got a room because we ran into someone that we would never have run into. We never would have seen, and we never would have had a moment with had our flight not gotten delayed.

Yes, okay, so yes, to my point, there is opportunity in everything that goes sideways for you if you would just stop and look for it. Right. We always say we look for the worst in people or in situations. What would happen if you look for the good and everybody you came in contact with in every situation you had give it that a shot.

Number six. Paying attention to your body.

Yes, yes, I think that is so important. I'm a big believer in it, and even with every medical situation I've been through, I still do it. You put things off. No one wants to make a doctor's appointment. No one wants to make that dental appointment. It's tough, but that is part of us not only loving ourselves, but making sure we're around and healthy for the people who love us.

Well, I have a brace on my foot right now because I'm paying to my body. I am the worst of this. Do as I say and not as I do. I am awful, awful at sleep. I only have this brace on because I had to. It was just so much pain running that I didn't have a choice, essentially, So this is one I definitely need to be doing. After the marathon. Was the marath No after Thanksgiving, I dropped eleven thirteen pounds because I was so sick. I

I don't know what happened, but you definitely were. Oh you had a really rough three four days?

Yes, say so. No, I'm awful at that, and I know I am I eat well, probably don't eat enough, but yes, this is the time to anytime. It's a good time. You don't have to wait for anything.

Well, what would you like to do differently?

I gotta sleep. I gotta find a way to sleep, Like I need to go to a doctor about the sleep and the habits. And that's it's awful.

If you did that, that was like, honestly, that's all I would want for Christmas is to say, Robes, I made a doctor's appointment with someone who specializes in sleep disorder.

That's all you want.

That would be huge.

Oh my god. I hope I kept my receipts because I got a lot of stuff to return.

But that to me is, yes, that's something that you actually I think I don't think. I pretty much know at this point, having known you for so long, that is something that you actually need medical guidance with, and I think a lot of people do. I think people assume we can fix it on our own. But sleep is something that you know, that's not something necessarily you're doing wrong or to yourself. I've watched you, You've tried to go to bed early. It's not about falling asleep.

I didn't not get good sleep?

Well, then you're faking it really well?

Only that was that was strong? Well I didn't. I wasn't expecting that. No, but you know, like, can I ask you one question? Yes, since you've known me, have you have you seen me get eight hours of sleep?

Only when you were sick these last few days? Yeah, but that might.

Be overnight I slept. Were talking about like napping during the day and bouncing around.

Yeah.

Have you seen me go to bed at ten o'clock at night and wake up?

It's no, I think the longest I've ever seen you sleep and you are ready to rock and roll if you get six hours?

Is that normal?

I don't know. And that's why a doctor who knows better could tell you that, you know what, DJ you only need six hours because You've always made that argument, and I think we're kind of learning that maybe it's not how long you sleep, it's how well you sleep. And so do you go into deep sleep, do you get the ram sleep? Those are the kinds of things that you know need to be studied, right, But yeah, I'm six hours and deep sleep. Nobody can touch you.

Folks are going through the things you're gonna wish you did before the year's over. Way up to number seven, Andy is there right, yep.

Is showing gratitude to the people who matter.

Yes, and I year round, year round, for sure. But if you've realized that maybe you have not you've been distracted, or you've taken some things or some people for granted. You've got time, You've got you can always Yeah, you've got a couple of weeks to really make it, make a list. I know people say to make a gratitude journal. I always want to do that. I just never have. But I know that it's effective and it's great and there are so many people that we can think for

The last part there to people who matter. Show gratitude to people who matter. That can mean a lot of stuff. You might think about your friends, family, somebody in your circle. But man, that the person driving the subway is matters, that flight attendant matters. There are a lot of people who are incredibly significant in your life on a day to day basis that you don't know their name at all, and you would not be surprised how far it goes

That goes, Yeah, if you actually think about how many people do things for you, maybe it's their job to do them that we take for granted, and if you acknowledge them and you thank them, you will see just the joy that washes over them because they've been unseen,

I want a great time to take a take a moment and say thank you to our producers Emma and Andy, who are always takes such good care of us in here for everything we need. Any any text we send, we get a response within a matter of moments. That's true. Emma of course has been with us and over the last weekend we were a jingle ball. We had another jingle ball coming up, and you guys have actually been great. I'm not saying this as a we ever where we go.

And you know Andy, we text him almost every morning now around well, oh yeah, it's gotten a little bit later, but the six o'clock range, and he's immediately responding like, good morning. You know, we're doing the morning run. We're almost uploaded, and he's there getting all that up so that you all can listen to it, and at all hours of the night and morning, they're available to us, and we just really appreciate it and we want to say thank you.

Who knew number seven was the best one? And number eight is saying, guess is something you'd normally skip That.

Might be a tough one for you. So for me, that's stuff for.

You TJ man, it's hard to give me out of my comfort zone. I'm grown now, I know what I like. I'll try just about everything.

I'm going to try to get you on the slopes.

Tried it.

Before, you didn't try it with me.

I didn't might not need to just.

Because my daughter Analyst is going to Boulder, so yep, there will be mountains and snow and a visitor top. I know you can stay by the fire.

But as I can.

Okay, Well, is there something that you would like if you think about, you know what I like to do that you don't necessarily want to do. Is there something that you would say, Okay, you know what I'll say yesterday.

It'd have to be presented. But no, there's there's nothing I'm dying to try that I haven't like. Okay, somebody's been trying to get me to do that, and I'm on the fence. I just you've talked about several things something.

Yeah, you're like, good luck with that. Let me know how the trip went. And that's okay. But what about what about jumping out of an airplane? We've talked about that.

I'm curious about that, at least at least the curious about skydiving.

Yeah, yeah, so yes, I am too.

I but that's not usually a no, like something I would normally say no to. Right, what was the question?

It was saying yes to something you normally skip.

Normally skip like actually want a skydive.

Okay, you did go on a hike with me, and you said you do this other hike. So you have said I've.

Done some hiking before. Yeah, in certain places, in certain ways. You took me on just the most it was horrible, insect ridden.

You know what. The good news is, we got that one out of the way. Now I'm going to be very specific and know where I'm actually asking you to go where there's a payoff for the hiking.

No, I've done Yeah, but hiking mountains is not a thing for me.

You don't want to go into altitude? No. But we also talked about rock climbing.

I like rock climbing.

Okay, all right, we have some things that we can both say yes to.

Oh you normally say no to.

I'm trying to think because the true is I don't say no too much. Doing the cup It shuffle, I tried it. Even though I made a fool of myself, I said yes, So no.

I should be a hard no.

This is come on, you got stop it.

Acknowledge when I insult you, this is no fun.

You don't how dare you? I can dance?

No?

I I really this is the truth. After I've always been somebody who says yes to most things, but I to my own detriment. But after going through breast cancer, I really had this even more invigorated push to just say yes because you never know. And then you say yes and you don't like it, you can say no the next time. But I always enjoy the idea of doing something I didn't think I could. I used to say I would never run a marathon. I said that to so many people because my dad ran marathons, and

Keep going. There was what's the next thing? I said, No, I would never, so if marathon was the last? What was then after that? I said, I would never?

He said you would never go into altitude or hike a mountain.

Okay, said, then that'll end up being the next thing exactly.

I just it's gonna be great.

I'll be the first black man ever die climbing a mountain, first one ever. Like, what is he doing up there? I think we didn't know to look for him. We didn't think he'd be there.

Oh my god, I think that you can. What the cool thing about saying yes is you can surprise yourself. You can think you know yourself. You can think you know your limitations physically and mentally, and then you do it anyway, and that is beautiful.

Ya. I'm not thinking about a physical challenge. I'm thinking about something like that's humiligating, or that's not fun to me, or I don't want to do that thing. I don't want to go into that.

Okay, I can, I can.

That'd be awkward ice skating. I don't know.

See I've done it, and I have humulated myself. And you can laugh at yourself.

I can laugh at I laugh at myself. I'm a very serious individual.

I can laugh at my laughing laughing myself.

Really, who wants to?

I do? I enjoy it.

It's embarrassing.

So I would say the thing that I have said no to like this is random. But I remember one thing I said no to is you know, have you ever seen those hypnotists that come up on the stage. I'm like, absolutely not, because I don't want to be out of control that way. I'm feeling like someone else is controlling me. So you think it's real, I've said no, I have seen feature really seen people do really stupid

Yes, friends, yes you are actual friends. Got hypnotized. I started dancing around like a monkey of someone.

Safe at like this is a but your friends way back, but your friend like fraternity parties. Yes, I've seen I've seen people do really embarrassing things that they would not have done if they weren't under hypnosis.

So so you all got a war renowned hypnotist at a fraternity party in nineteen ninety what? Okay, Yeah, I'm sure y'all had a quality hypnotism.

So that was one thing. When I saw that happen, I said to myself, I will never ever be hypnotized on a stage like that ever. Okay, So I can't think of anything else, I would say never. Oh, I know, I don't want to go on a submarine.

Which comes up in most people's day to day lives.

I actually did get asked once and I said.

No, once, baby, once, sweetheart, once. We don't know, we're not going over to New Jersey with a submarine taxi.

I actually have something that could happen. So I said that.

I didn't think this was going to take us down the street.

I just got excited because I just remember something very specific, just like you said you didn't want to go up in altitude or climb a mountain like that.

Right.

I have said to many many people I have a fear of sharks, that I would never ever go in a cage where great whites are great white sharks are. And you have said that is one of your dreams, that's on your bucket list, and so I am. I have said that, yes, I will go, but I normally would say no. But because it's a dream of yours and I like to challenge myself, I think I'd be willing to. But mostly I have said no in my life, like that's a non starter for me, and I think I'd be willing.

To do that but as I've talked about it, you got a sense that you were invited. Nice, thank you, you all got it. It's good. It has to be biting to be effective humor, right, it has it needs a.

Great white shark, and you've got TJ.

Everybody had to pause and think, is he serious? Or do I laugh? What's supposed to have?

That's good stuff?

That was good stuff.

Do you feel you proud?

Well when it lands like that? I do? I do? I feel good? All right, I feel good.

We've spent way too much time on this one. We okay, fine.

All I did was make a shark joke and the rest was all you baby ahead. And he goes through this.

Man, I sti't understand how you want to not hike, but you want to go with sharks like that. To me, you talk about hiking and the bugs in this, but meanwhile you're like, oh, sharks, yeah, I love those things.

It's not it's not the threat or the danger. It's the enjoyment of the experience and walking through the woods looking for what color is on a tree so that I don't get lost up here while I'm trying to have a conversation about what with people. I don't know, but we happened to go avalon hikes before.

That was the I mean okay, to defend, to defend right now.

It was.

It had no payoff, there was no view, it was muggy, there were mosquitos circling us. And I've had highs this before, but very very rarely. But of course the first time I get him on a hike, that's the hike we have. So it was terrible.

Okay, Well number nine, it's setting boundaries that you know you need.

Oh, I know he does.

That, setting bout it. Oh, I am, but the boundary you.

Are, mister boundary. Yes, do you want to meet him?

Do it? T J hunk folks, do it set your boundary? It's okay, Well I am. I am not a fan of I have to make myself uncomfortable based on your behavior. Like I'm trying to collle you. I'm trying to make you feel good about No. No, I am. You know I'm against that.

Stuff, and that's how I've spent most of my life.

I will say no. I will say no to your face. I don't just I'm not being rude about it. I'm just saying I don't mind that uncomfortable thing is not something I do.

I will say that I have. I mean I have really watched you and been in awe of your ability to do that Like it's it's you command respect in that sense for yourself and not in a negative or cruel way. You're just saying this is where I draw the line, and I've tried actually to do that more in my life, because yes, you end up trying to make someone else happy and in the same moment you're miserable. You know, you are seeding your power to someone else,

All right. And number ten celebrating what you did accomplish.

I love this one. This is my jam. The boundaries are your jam. Celebrating accomplishments. Absolutely. I think that maybe sometimes people feel embarrassed to do so, or you know, somehow think it's bragging or it's a little complicated. It's not like when it comes like, for instance, when we crossed the finish line in a marathon. Yeah, we threw ourselves a party on my birthday. I'll throw myself a party.

No, I forget on a day to day basis sometimes blessings I have, but the celebration part, and no, it's something when mom told me very very very early on, when we're early in the industry, you're trying to get a gig and whatnot. And she told me after I got an interview to something, I was freaking out about getting the gig, she said, celebrate the fact that you even got the interview. They literally go have champagne because you got the interview. You got so much farther than

I love that And I think I got the same thing from my mom too, because she always we weren't you know, we were the opposite of spoiled. But on our birthdays, my mom was the one day year I was queen. I got to pick, I got to pick what we had for dinner that night, I got to pick what movie we watched. And it was just this moment where I got to feel special and that was a cool thing. So I always tell you, my car every.

Day, what are we eating tonight and what are we watching?

You said you wanted pizza? Yeah you did, yeah, and if you're asking me, it's a rom com. But no. The other thing, funny enough, you mentioned champagne, something my mom also always taught me. You should always have a bottle of champagne in your refrigerator because you never know when you're gonna want to celebrate. And I've always had a bottle of champing You know this. I have always had a bottle of champagne or prosecco in my refrigerator.

I mean that's there other reasons for that as well.

I do love an April sprit cinamosa.

Wait was that number ten?

Was that number ten?

That it was number ten? Ok?

That was a perfect way to end, because I think that is maybe a takeaway we can all take to heart to not forget, to celebrate the winds and to celebrate the moments.

And Andy, can you give those ten to everybody one more time before we go? All right?

Starts with texting that old friend you've been meaning to call. You're finally going to take that weekend trip, saying sorry to someone who who deserves it, clearing out the chaos in your space, taking the time to remember the good stuff, paying attention to your body, showing gratitude to the people who matter, saying yes to something you normally skip, setting boundaries that you know you need. And number ten was celebrating what you did accomplish.

That is wonderful and thank you all for listening. Hope you can take those to heart, and hope maybe you can check us out if you haven't already. On the Morning Ron, we put up a podcast Monday through Friday all the news headlines you need to know, so we hope you will check that out. But thank you for being the festival