Hey, folks, we are getting closer and closer to Christmas Day, and whatever you do, do not buy another Christmas gift until you hear from this guy, our guest today, Ropes. We had him on with our partners at Yahoo. They were great to find him, and we loved him so much and we had to get him back and we had to get him on our podcast. He's that good, that's right.
We did a whole column on Yahoo Life in the section there about gift giving and are we doing it right? We were basically asking Julian if we were doing things the right way. And I know a lot of people have questions this time of year about who they should give gifts to, well, type of gifts they should give, how much should they spend. There are a litany of questions, and Julian Give has all the answer.
Yes.
Then, Julian Give is the social professor at West Virginia. He actually studies consumer protection consumer excuse me, consumer behavior, but for the purposes of this you all, he actually quite literally studies gift giving. So Professor Give is his name, who studies gift giving. Let's start off the top here. As we're talking to you, we're just a couple of weeks away from Christmas. As we get closer and closer to Christmas and people run out of time, what mustake?
What gift buying mistake? Do you see them making a lot?
Yeah? So thanks, first of all, thank you guys for you know, having me on. And I think the number one thing is I'm trying to give yourself enough time. So I think we know a lot of research and different areas, not just gift giving, but other other areas where consumer is just over and over, we kind of fail to give ourselves enough times when it comes to you know, gift giving or other types of tasks or
whatever it may be. And I think gift giving is when there's especially hard tasks that we're faced with as consumers, right because we have, you know, sometimes dozens of recipients that we have to give gifts too. So I think starting early, and in this case right, probably starting very in the next couple of days if you haven't already, because if you don't, it's just going to be way too challenging of a pass for you.
Well, yeah, what happens when we're procrastinators. Look, I used to work when I was in high school and college. I worked at Macy's and I would see on Christmas Eve all of these I'm sorry, mostly men running in and I happened to work in the lingerie department, and they would just be grabbing anything and everything. And then the next day after Christmas, I would see all their wives in the return line saying he thought I would
wear this or that I would want this. What does the biggest mistake people make when they wait until the last minute?
Yeah, so funny enough, there's actually research showing that men, we do, tend to start our holiday shopping later than women than will women do. So maybe so you know the evidence for it right right in your own experience, right, And so I think I think the biggest thing, right is that when you're when you're starting so late, it just makes it challenging to really hit that home run
of a gift, right. You have to kind of you have to go for these sort of just you know, kind of standard items, right, gift cards or just random you know, clothing that may not be a good match or whatever, right, and it kind of it kind of takes away the opportunity for you to really give those sort of heartfelt you know, sentimental or you know experiential gifts you know that are also often great, right, Sometimes gifts are required just the planning and thought ahead of
time when you're starting so lait. It just it's just too hard to hit on those for for all your different recipients you might have.
Okay, sounds like you're screwed. Yeah, the later you make so as it gets later, here's another question, who should be on your list of recipients? That's always a question. Do I get a gift for my niece's boyfriend that she's been with for eight months? Kind of a thing? How do you determine who gets a gift?
Yeah, so it's it's it's not a sort of you know, concrete answer here, right, but I think at minimum, right, come up with whoever is going to be giving you a gift? Right, so that way you're not stuck in that awkward position where you receive a gift and don't have anything give back. In fact, I've researched showing that that's one of those situations that make just feel very very uncomfortable, unsurprisingly right as recipient from people, people do that.
So I would suggest, you know, start off making your own list, and then also in addition to that just be thinking about it. Okay, well, who am I going to be seeing this time of year that might be giving me one? Right? And it's funny, you know, actually in talking to people, you learned and sometimes people are like strategically like, oh well, I'm not gonna hang out with my cousin between now and Christmas. That way, I'm not on the whole give them give them a gift.
So it's it's a it's a delicate dance, but you know, with some strategic planning, you know, hopefully you can do a good job.
Julian, I'm going to admit something here, Especially when I worked in an office and I was never sure who was going to bring me a gift, I actually brought extra gifts wrapped and just in case that happened, I had a candle or a bottle of wine or something that.
I could say, here's your rift.
Is that wrong to prepare? And does that feel unthoughtful? I really was just trying to save face and not be embarrassed in those moments.
Yeah, that's a great, great little antidote, And funny enough, that's called gifting from the closet. I don't know if you've heard the expression before. But people in fact, people at work, it's common people have just like a drawer where they have little things dashed away or at home. The way where it comes from is because people literally have a closet where at the top they just have you know, candles and you know, I don't know, bottles
of wine, whatever. It may be that way that you can have, you know, to give to what, you know, if they find themselves in that kind of situation. I don't think there are anything wrong with it, right because I think with those types of recipients, right, there's a
different level of expectations. It's not like it's with your you know, if you're doing that with your significant other, maybe it's not the best thing, right, But if you're doing it with you know, a co worker, maybe you don't know all that well or you know, you weren't expecting a gift from them. I think that's perfectly fine, right because you're still kind of, you know, setting back that message like, hey, I do care about you know, here's here's a little token of my appreciation.
You give folks advice on a budget. But later it gets it seems like we'd be more prone to spin, to overspin because we're desperate. But what is some advice on budget at this late hour.
Yeah, so you know it's interesting certainly, you know, with gift giving. One of the sort of I would say less good things about it is that we put so much pressure on ourselves that every year a lot of consumers even go into debt, like you accumulate lots of you know, credit card debt, which we know, you know, high interest debt, right, So it's not not the best
thing in the world. I think part of the reason is just because, like I said, you know, we put so much pressure on ourselves to think that we have to do give the best thing possible to every single person, the most expensive thing, you know, we have to you know, just just kind of you know, bumbar people with gifts.
And the good news is is that the research is pretty adamant and showing that for gift givers, you know, the prices of the gifts, we think it matters quite a lot, but on the recipient side it doesn't matter nearly as much as get givers anticipated. So if you think about for gift givers, it's kind of like a like a line upwards where we think the more money
we spend, the better the gift is. But for recipient, you know, they're generally more appreciative kind of regardless of the spending on the gift and the recipients, you know, it does seem more important to them, just sort of this idea of feeling appreciated, feeling like thought was put into gift, you know, that kind of thing. So I would suggest, you know, to gift givers out there, you know, don't always kind of think you have to be, you know,
buying all these luxury products for others. Right, You're probably probably don't need to be doing nearly as much as that as you might think.
I'm actually curious if that can backfire, if you can spend too much on a gift and make something that you intended to be beautiful awkward.
Yeah, one hundred percent. In fact, that there's even research on this exact thing, so that like, hey, whenever you put a lot of money into into a gift, people sometimes especially for like recipients who like where it can be like awkward. Right, People feel like Okay, they're uncomfortable, like, well, why is this person doing this? Like this is a little too much, right, So certainly that's that's definitely a consideration.
But it's one of those where whereas gift givers, I think sometimes you know, for better for work, if we don't realize it, right, we just think, oh my gosh, like they're gonna love the you know, these I don't know this rolex or whatever you know, and may be you know, and you don't realize just how uncomfortable it is, you know, especially for recipients, right, who might not have the means to, you know, at any point kind of reciprocate that kind of gift back, right. And another place
where this pops up a lot. Actually, one of the papers was on in dating relationships, so in early stage relationships, whenever this happens and the press liked, oh wow, well this is a little bit weird, you know. So yeah, that's that's that's a really good point. The overall, Okay, on on the gifts.
People give experiences, they give sentimental gifts, they give people exactly what they ask for, They give cash, they give gift cards. What is it in your research that you find, Professor, givvey are the most satisfying gifts that people receive.
Yeah, so definitely a tricky question. If I had to pick a couple of you know, a couple of answers. So first, I think the research just not gift giving, but in all of kind of consumer research, it's pretty pretty conclusive suggesting that experiences do generally bring more happiness to to people than than tangible items.
Right.
And there's there's research, like I said, and gift giving it shows the same exact thing. We're basically as recipient. You know, when you whenever you receive that experience, you kind of like it more than givers anticipate and brings you closer to gift givers. Right. And you know, one of one of the things about experiences is that they are kind of in the minority when it comes to gifts, right, because most of the gifts we're giving this time there
are more tangible items. But I think, you know, if if we're going to follow the advice of you know, consumer behavior, consumer psychology, and gift giving psychology, it does suggest that experiences on average are maybe you know, a
bigger hit than uh, the more tangible items. And then the second gift type of gift, and this is the one I previously referred you guys as kind of the cheat code, is the sentimental gifts because that's another one where they're they're not given nearly nearly nearly as often as kind of more superficial, kind of tangible, prefer and matching gifts, but when we give them their home runs, And like I had to explained previously, like the nice
thing about sentimental items is that whenever you receive one, your happiness with it stays kind of flat or increases over time. It doesn't decrease like our like our enjoyment with you know, more superficial items like a cell phone or you know, a treadmill or whatever it may be.
So I think sentimental gifts are a great one, and it's one of those things when I try to convey the point I tell everyone like, Okay, well, think about some of the best gifts you've ever received, right, which are the ones that really kind of almost you know, make you cry at times? Right, Like, those are more
often than not sentinal gifts. And the last thing, you know, this is kind of just a broad sort of blanket idea, but I really think that recipients, at the end of the day, they just want to feel cared for, right, So any kind of gift that can show that, like, like, hey, I care for you, I appreciate you. I'm signaling that I value you, Like those are those are always going to be good. You know, that could be a sentimental gift.
It could just be something show an effort. It could be started showing that's hey, you know you know TJ mentioned this. You know these these running shoes. It was a few months ago when we were walking through the mall. And look now I surprise them with them, right, Just some something along those lines. So anything that just shows just hey, I care, I appreciate you. I think those are always going to be his. So just three overarching
no ideas. But at the same time, I will also note there is a lot of you know, kind of heterogeneity in people, right we I know, people are different, so some things are better for others than others. And in fact, you know, when I tell my sister about the sentimental gift thing, she's like, oh, no, just give me the cash, Like I don't, I don't want I don't want anything sentiment. So there's differences across people, right. So that's that's a one hundred percent to put that out there too.
Yes, And it would be wonderful if we could all be mind readers and know what people want and what they don't want. Is it okay to ask someone what they want for a holiday or is that putting the onus on them now to come up with your gift idea. What do you say about that?
Yeah, that that is an interesting point, and I think sometimes it is. It feels like it's even harder right to come up with ideas that we for things we want ourselves than what for further people, right, And so it definitely is putting a little bit of an onus
on on others. But I'll tell you the good news is that the research does suggest that these things that are explicitly requested are generally appreciated more than things that that aren't requested, right, And that kind of makes sense because you think when you were when you'd ask people, hey, what do you want, they tell you, Hey, I want this exact pair of headphones. You go and get them. They're gonna be they're gonna be pretty happy as opposed
to you kind of having to have to guess at it. Right. So I would say that's sort of the kind of the good news behind it. But you are, you know, putting a little bit more effort on their part.
Right, I know sometimes you mentioned your sister, and a lot of people, especially younger people, might love to have some cash. But what is your take or does the research tell you the type of gifts that bring the least satisfaction? Is there is there research on that? Essentially, I'm asking what should we avoid giving people?
Okay, yeah, this is this is an interesting one. So what I'll say is that people, you know, a broader sort of theme that we're seeing in the literature is in this the literarum gift giving. I should say is that as recipients, where we often like gifts that long term after the exchange, right, they bring us happiness and
utility and enjoyment. But as gift givers, oftentimes we kind of prefer to give things that are better sort of in the moment, right like that immediately right when they open the gift, which that doesn't always map on to
what's the best gift in the long run. So I'll tell people is like, look, if something is great in the moment but kind of horrible down the road, like it's not gonna make the best the best gift, right, So something like you know, think about like a chocolate fondo found in right like that is like, Okay, in the moment, it might have a fun little gift, right, but like, at the end of the day, how often
are you gonna end up using that thing? Right? And so just this this and I hope I'm not you know, touching on gifts, you guys are, but I think we've all right, We've all received these things that that are maybe like you know, gag gifts or what you know, things that are kind of fun at the moment they make for it, but then at the end day it's like, all right, well, this is kind of like I'm not going to enough ever using this thing. So yes, that makes sense.
And speaking of the moment when someone opens a gift, how important is This might sound silly, but gift wrapping does How much more special can someone feel if you do a really good job wrapping the gift or if you just hand it to them in a brown paper bag? How much has there is the research on how that affects the experience of getting or receiving a gift.
So I'm going to tell you guys what the finding show. And I think you're going to be shocked, because I was shocked, clanker, this is not my research this is other other people's research. But what they did was they looked at how neat you wrap a present, right, do you wrap it very neatly or do you sloppily wrap it? And what they find is that whenever it's sloply wrapped, you actually like the item more. And right, it's kind of right, what right? Like I agree? Right? And so
what is the sort of psychology behind that is? Because whenever something comes like neatly packaged, right, what that ends up doing is it raises your expectations. She's think, oh wow, this like look at these ribbit look at how nice and clean everything is. But then whenever it's just you know, kind of kind of thrown together, you're kind of okay, this is going to be a piece of chunk like whatever.
Then you open it up and you see, oh wow, this is like this you know, this brand of cologne that I love, right, and that So that's that's you know what the resers research on that, and uh yeah, that's that's what it's what it shows.
That makes so much sense though, now that you say it about expectations, because yes, sometimes the most perfectly wrapped gifts coming from like I don't know, sax fifth Avenue.
It's like a key chain.
You're like, oh wow, it looked like it was going to be something so much better.
That's that I use that trick when I cook, Julian, I make a very good presentation.
But that doesn't speak to it, like in terms of you think about that is so funny. The expectations create a different result when you open the present.
Last couple here for folks in relationships, what is there a heightened sense I guess for men and women whoever's in a relationship out there advice for because it's always stressful, How do you buy for that person in your life? What have you been able to see and study and know that could help people who are out there still scrambling to get something for their love.
Yeah, so I think kind of as we touched on earlier, right, there's sort of different relationship stages, so that's obviously important to sort of sort of take into account. And I would say, you know, it feels like it feels like romantic relationships is like that one. And then when people talk about like in laws or the two where people are like, okay, this is where things are getting real.
It's different than you know, giving my best friends. So I would say, you know, for you for your relationship, right, just I mean, you know your partner better than anyone, right. That's that's the biggest thing, is like, and when you talk to these to these couples, what you kind of find is that people completely different strategies, you know, all sorts of differ people have different strategies. Some people it's okay, tell me what you want, they send a list, Person's
perfectly happy. Others it's like no, no, no, I want you to know and you should know me. And if you get me this these socks and I one of these ones, like that's gonna you know, that's like a deal breaker. Right. So I'd say, you know your partner, you should have an idea as to what's going to work for them, right, and just just follow that strategy and you know, hopefully it would be good to go.
I love that.
And in terms of just figuring out the in laws, do you have any strategies or family members that you might not know that well, how do you go about picking a gift for them?
Yeah?
One strategy that people tend to employ these situations is they use kind of like third parties to help them out, right, expies. Right. So if you don't know your in laws that well, you talk to your partners say okay, what do I get your brother or your mom or whoever? Right? And that's usually a pretty pretty pretty successful successful one. So I would say that's that's one more time that one. That's it?
Right?
It works well because you're you're in laws, don't you're not asking them. And what's also nice about this is not only does the person know, but you can also use them to kind of ask on your behalf. Right, So that way they in law is or whoever has no idea, you know that's that's coming from you, but it's still an item that they.
That they like.
Hi.
One last thing for the people who are shopping, you've also noticed, look, what is the right strategy? Because some people get great satisfaction out of giving particular gifts. What should I guess this is the strategy or some advice for people who are trying to find something? But what have you determined makes us happiest about the gifts we give?
So as gift giver is right, there's sort of a balance right between giving something that you want to give versus the thing that that the recipient wants to receive, right, So it's it's right because those don't always they don't always, but not always the same thing, right, So I might want to give, you know, my wife one thing and she might you know, prefer something out. So it's definitely
a balance. And like I said before, I think one of the key, one of the overarching you know keys that everything with gift hitting is is that time component. Because you give yourself enough time right now, only can you find the gift right that you know that that you know, can you find a good gift. But also it allows you to sort of take the time to think, Okay, you know, who am I? Who am I really trying
to please? Is it? And in some cases you end up finding the one that that really pleases both of you guys. Right, So it makes for a good, good, uh sort of situation for all parties involved.
And I have one last question for you, Julian about when you're figuring out how much to spend, is there a price point that research has shown is the sweet spot that you spend on somebody where you didn't spend too much and they feel uncomfortable, or you didn't spend enough and they feel like wow, that's that's how you think of me. Is there a sweet spot money wise that you should consider when choosing gifts?
Yeah, you know, not not really because if you think about like, it's just there's so much there's so much variance in people, right, different income levels, right, you know, the the what you're buying for, you know, a friend who is you know, a college student, right, if you know, right you told me your children, right, college students right there? You know, buying for a college college student versus someone you know who's uh, you know, who's very well off,
would say, right, that's going to be completely different. And it also depends on how much you know, you yourself are making. Right, that's in people. I think understand that, right, And you know, funny enough, I'll actually tell you there's research showing that, actually, I pay research showing that we like to buy more expensive things for people who we think are more well off as opposed to not as well off, because we just kind of want to like show like, hey, I could look, I can afford this
nice thing too. So I'd say that that there is you know, there's not really necessarily a price for it I can give you. I think it's it's going to vary, right, based on the situation at the end of the day. You know, I think if you, if you do your job of you know that that signal I was talking about earlier showing like, hey, I care about you, I appreciate you, I value the recipient. You know, we'll appreciate that.
Too, But more is better for me, baby, Ignore Julie on that last time.
Yeah, quantity versus quality? Is there a study on that? Because my kids I always think about how it's going to look on Christmas morning when they wake up. How is the quantity as important as the quality?
Yeah?
So there is, And actually it is. It is what you kind of exactly like what you hit on. So as givers, we tend to focus more on the well we actually focus more on the quality of that item. So we like to give kind of high quality items,
you know, a few flashier things. Whereas recipients, we do tend to, relative to givers, you know, appreciate these these high quantity of items in part because they oftentimes kind of correlate to like how much usefulness I get out of them down the road, Right, if I get I don't know, like three really nice shirts, or if I get you know ten, you know average church. I can use the ten average churchs a lot more than three.
Really nice. So oh well, we told y'all he was good. This is Julian Givey, yes that's his last name, Gibby, who studies gift giving from West Virginia. Sir, we appreciate it and get this, folks. If you like what he said, hopefully this will get you squared away for Christmas. But we have some questions for him. We're going to do another episode and he's going to give us advice on that dreaded return regifting situation.
Yeah, and do you write thank you notes? How do you handle a gift you don't like? And all of the do's and don'ts in terms of etiquette when it comes to receiving gifts and perhaps yes, returning guests.
So we'll get into that with him. You can look for that episode as well. But Julian, we appreciate your kind sir. This has been great getting to know you over the holiday. Thank you so much. Man.
Yeah, thank you for having me on. I appreciate it.