All right, hey there everybody, Hey, me and TJ. Here, we are into the new year. We hope your new year and your resolutions are still on track. We are well into now roads Dry January. So tell everybody how you doing. All right?
Well, I have been waking up feeling refreshed and energetic in a way that I haven't before, so that is awesome. And I definitely feel the effects of the toxins leaving my body.
But all positive.
Well, the only thing is I still feel a little angry when I can't have a glass of wine at night, like when I sit down on the couch and have a movie going. It's just maybe it's just a pattern, or it's just I don't know, if it's just the experience of holding the glass.
It's it's been a little tough.
I'm still not there yet where this feels perfectly free and fine.
Okay, but physically it feels amazing. Okay, Yeah, I love it. This is a lot of people know that I've done this for ten fifteen plus years and now always do it Dry January. This is Rob's first time to fully be on board with it, and on a matter of days, you almost forget that you're not drinking, and it just we drink so much water, you're so hydrated, and you have some mocktails.
Is so I've been drinking club soda. I have a little lemon or a line in it. And you actually got me this idea. So we got some rosemary.
Yes it's a Cranberry spritzer that I learned from eight years ago, but Cranberry's juice, sparkling water and a little rosemary.
I'm not doing the juice, but I've got the rosemary, which actually was a nice little touch.
Maybe I'll try some mint. But I'm not there yet.
Where you forget that you're not drinking. I am not there.
Are you there? Yeah, it's not even that. I don't even think about it being a part of the day anymore. It's and I'm telling you, on January thirty one, you will not be planning what you're going to drink on February one.
You will not totally disagree with you this conversation. Last night we were walking back and you said you're not gonna want to have a drink on February one, and I started laughing.
Tell me, yeah, all right, one hundred percent, I'm going to want to drink up there. We're putting it out there right now, and folks watch when you get there. It's just not you're not going to plan something around it. So we will get to that. I was actually already talking about making reservations at this really cool bar. Nope, not interested. Oh my gosh, Okay, we'll see. Well that's uh, we're starting the we're starting the new year again. Hope
you're good with your resolutions. We also had a big birthday since the since the new year came around, that big birthday belonged to wrote a little one bean, my little one. She turned eleven on January sixth. We had a really good She wanted to go right, She didn't want to party, didn't want friends around. I want a big trip? Do want anything? What does she want to do? Shop? Take me shopping? That means she's officially a tween? Is that what that is? Yes?
So it's funny. My daughter turned twenty one eight days before your daughter turned eleven. Right, so, and my daughter wanted a party.
That's shocking, But that's twenty one. Oh that's different. But that was a big It was a big thing for Sabine, and you were a big part of the birthday, and you have been in and look, everybody's familiar with our story over the past year if you're listening here, But it's when you have a new relationship where they are divorces, they're kids involved, you're always trying to find the right balance between your kids and your partner and bringing everybody together.
And you have said it to you privately, I'll say it here publicly. You've been great and it's been one of the great, great, great joys over the past several months six months plus. Is how Sabine has really taken it. She's known you since she was one, but known you in a different capacity now. Has been really cool to
watch and see her elect too. And even sometimes when I pick her from school, I say, yeah, no, Robot's not at the house and then she's like, okay, then I don't want to come because she's disappointed you're not there's and again, it is very sweet and it has been a really cool thing. It's been really cool to watch.
And as we've mentioned, our daughters have known each other. My daughter's baby sat your daughter when she was little, and I know they communicated on her birthday as well, which was very sweet and it's just nice to see everything becoming normal and getting easier and effortless, actually because it was effort before and maybe that was just us putting the effort on the situation. But it's been great. And I love I mean, I love boys, and I
love all of that. But I'm a girl mom, I always have been, so it comes very easily to me. And yeah, you kind of let.
Girls lead the way.
You can't tell a girl who to like, who to hang out with, what.
To think, what to do. That just doesn't end well.
So I at least have had that experience growing up with my daughters, so it's served me well on navigating all of this.
So that's been great. She was actually with us, she was with us last night. Yeah, we're talking about movies, watching a horror movie of course with her conjuring too. It's so good. She loved it, right, she loved it. But I think everybody knows at this point we are big horror movie. We have not seen I cannot remember the last movie we saw at a theater that was not a horror movie, but now we have one. We actually saw a movie in the theater a couple of days ago that was not a horror movie.
Yes, and we took on some heavy themes, but with some levity, right, some social satire.
American it was American fiction. I was told to watch this by one of my boys. His his message. A brother came to me and sent a message, Happy New Year, and see American fiction is what he told us to do. He followed up by saying, see it with a theater full of white people. It makes it better. He was not kidding. I get it now, I didn't know it. So we went to the Angelica Film Festival. Film House is what it's called.
I believe it's in Soho and sure enough it was about eighty five percent white.
Would you say, maybe even higher, maybe ninety percent white for sure. But if you don't know what the movie is about, it essentially takes on these themes that we have in our society, a lot of racial themes. But this idea that so often in media or and business, that black voices and black stories aren't told unless they are greenlit by a white person executive. Those stories have to fit into what that white person thinks the black
experience is. So oftentimes it's not an accurate depiction. It's some stereotypical depiction of what black life is supposed to be.
And there were some subtle nots to that, and some overt ones and some very funny ones throughout and what was notable, And you and I both realized at one point that some very funny scenes we were the only people laughing.
Because truly, if I weren't sitting.
Next to you, and you weren't my boyfriend, I might have been afraid to laugh at them too, And I think that's what was happening. The white folks in the theater were like, can I laugh at that? Because it was so outrageous but true at the same time. And it was uncomfortable, which is what the whole point was.
But it's specifically what, yes, what the movie is meant to be and to do. And there were times, I don't say uncomfortable, but I always felt like I was being rude because I was falling onto my chair laughing at some of the jokes in that movie. And it's dead silence in the theater.
And your laughter gave me pervision to laugh because clearly it was funny, and so I decided to laugh with you. And there were I would say multiple times, were were the only two people laughing at very funny scenes in the theater.
This was for a lot of and for black folks who cheer this movie and it's funny and it's again, it's brilliant. It will be in the Oscars race, for sure. Jeffrey Wright is amazing as well in the lead. He's a wonderful actor that you all know. But for me, so many things I saw in the movie are things that I dealt with, certainly in newsrooms across the country
over the past all of my career. But the one in particular has to do with, right, this is what I think of black people, and if you don't tell the story from that angle, then I'm not going to get your story on. And I've had that issue in newsrooms plenty of time, talk to you about this plenty.
But being in a morning meeting where there's forty people in the meeting, thirty eight of them are white, I'm the one black male, And for so many times the story gets pitched and we hear the person pitching the story about a black person will put a caveat this person out of da no, no, no no. But it's okay. We can interview. They are so well spoken, they really
they speak so well. So what they were doing in all those times, all those meetings was explaining to every all the white people that it's okay to put this black person on because I know what you're thinking. When I say black person, you think they are this. They talk like this, they look like this, say no, no, no, no, this white. I heard that so many times. And this movie brings up those themes and they do it in a comedic way that it should spark a better conversation.
Yeah, it validates your experience and it hopefully educates people who couldn't possibly have had that experience.
So please go again. We highly endorse that movie American fiction. We rarely endorse something that's not a horror movie, but this one's great. Yeah, there've been a couple of them too.
We watched You People Streaming and The Blackening also those All three of those movies take on similar themes in different ways of storytelling. That is very entertaining, and I really do think you learn something from it when you're watching it as a white person.
Yes, and you learn that. We can never admit that we ever watch Friends, which I haven't, by the way, and of course I have, but we talk about drive Junior here at the top. But we're into this new year, and something that's on a lot of people's minds right now, of course is relationships. Either you are starting anew and you want to maybe get out of one, or you're looking to get into one. But the beginning of the year has two days in particular, they got something for everybody.
I was gonna say, both could be true. Yeah what you just said, so, yes, we found this out.
I didn't know this beforehand, but there's a thing called divorce Day in this country, and lawyers have now kind of said, hey, this is the day. It's the Monday after January one each year where they say this is the biggest day for couples to file for divorce or contact a divorce lawyer to say, hey, I want to
end this relationship. And January, I think has also been just divorce month because people finally say, okay, we made it through the holidays and I'm very now certain I don't want to be with this person for the rest
of the year. And coincidentally, it was yesterday, actually Monday, January seventh of this year, or actually it was Sunday, Sunday, the second sorry Sunday to seventh is called Dating Sunday or Dating Day, and that is an actual day that has been recorded that apps dating apps across the board around the world see the biggest increase in volume and likes and response times all of that because people on that Sunday after New Year say hey, I want to
be in or at least find some sort of relationship.
So chances are if you're hearing our voice, you are in one of those categories that maybe trying to get out of a relationship with sounds like a down or a bad thing, but it can be a very positive thing for a lot of people but looking for something new. So we were curious about divorce Day and in particular dating Day as we turn the page on another year. So Michael k the global head of communications for Okay cup it is in studio here with us and let me start with that. How big of an uptick are
we talking about? You all see in dating apps? See Michael on Dating Sunday.
So, first of all, thank you for having me. It's an honor to be here as a listener and as a fan.
Thank you, Thank.
You honor to be here. Dating Sunday is pretty much the super Bowl for all dating apps, that's all the sports terminology you're going to be able to get out of.
But every single first Sunday of the year we see double digit growth in terms of matches and likes and messages, and it sometimes it could hover between ten to twenty percent, and sometimes people think that feels so low, but you have to remember there are millions and millions of people on these dating apps, So this is happening really across
the board. If you are into online dating or if you're trying it for the first time, dating Sunday and onward, especially in the first month or so of the year, is the time for you to be on OkCupid, hinge Hinder, whatever your app of choice really is.
And with okay Cupid, a large part of going onto this app is to be matched, and there's science behind it.
Correct.
Yeah, So for anyone who's unfamiliar, Okacubid was actually founded by four math majors at Heartard and it comes as no surprise for anyone who's been on it. We are extremely data driven. Our algorithm is really complex, but we at our core match people on what matters to them through in app questions. It's really as simple as that
We use our questions to serve as conversation starters. They also allow you to figure out what's important to you and really helps you define who you are, what you're looking for, and makes you think about what you're looking for in a partner as well. So there's everything related to dating, relationships, and sex, but also really anything that's top of mind for our gen Z millennial gen X daters.
We have questions about black lives matter, and education reform and gun reform, and basically if you're talking about a topic with your friend, your family members, or your coworkers, we also want to ask about it on our platform because we are an app that foster's connection and conversation.
Well, ok, ellen that point. So many folks will go into you meet somebody, You go into a bar, there's a friend, there's a We're used to meeting people in that organic way. Of course, apps have changed that. Is this a better system? You all have found in that when they do take the questionnaires, people have a better chance when they do answer these questions, when they do get their match percentage. Maybe you can figure that out if you met somebody at the bar, but it might
take you longer. What are the results you all have seen over the years in terms of matching people.
Yeah, I think it's a better system, but it's also a more convenient system. You know, when you look at people daters today, they're dating very different than our parents. My parents went on a first date, they were a blind first date. They're together over sixty years. And for their generation, people were meeting in these gathering places. They were meeting at temple, they were meeting at church, they were meeting through family. But that's not how people are
connecting today anymore. So it makes dating apps make it a lot more convenient for the person who's extremely busy and can't take time out of their days, nights, and weekends to go on fifty first dates, and it allows them to kind of comb through that list and really easily on a dating app, find people that they're really compatible with, that they have views that aligned with them, and really narrowed that list down and say, I know you're someone that there may be a connection with because
we agree on XYZ.
Yeah, and I did say this.
I believe last week that one of the things I learned in twenty twenty three was that, yes, chemistry is important, but compatibility. I feel like is the most important part of a relationship. And so to that point, TJ and I, I mean, we know we have chemistry and I think we're compatible. We are, Okay, I do, I think so too, But does the science back that up?
We don't need it too, baby, So we're gonna find out.
So we actually asked Michael to give us some of the questions that they ask anyone who goes onto their apps to fill out and then they're then matched with someone.
So we did the questions this weekend. Over the weekend, we don't know what each other answered, and Michael has the results of what our questionnaire.
Shows whether or not we're a match or not. There's a percentage right, yes, yes, okay.
As a match percentage on every user.
Scenes Okay, I'm definitely a little nervous, But when we come back, we're going to get the results and talk about what it all means.
All right, We're back here with a moment of truth, folks. We got Michael k the global head of communications for our kay cup It here in studio with us. We've been talking about nash Well, divorce Day and Dating app Day, and everybody has relationships on their mind. Around to possibly get out of one or get into a new one.
And dating apps are a big part of that. And okay, cupe it is one that gives you a questionnaire, you fill it out, other people fill it out, and then okay, keep it two you whether or not you are a match.
Yeah.
I wonder how many already established couples like ourselves go on to then take this quiz and find out after the fact we're doing it backward they're actually comfatible or what their match percentage is. Okay, So Michael helped us out with this, so they sent us a list of questions. Robot and I filled them out over the weekend. We didn't see the other's answers, so we have no idea.
But it's about to be revealed, all right, Michael. He's gonna tell us if we had done this as two singles on the app, would we have been matched, or what our match percentage is? So let's start there. What is our match percentI is, Michael, So I'm gonna.
Unvolve that later. We're really gonna make you wait for this, but I will say, Okay, we're definitely doing it backwards. But I've done this a lot with people who are already dating, engaged, married, Okay, and I have to say, y'all agreed on a lot, okay, overwhelmingly. Okay, so we're starting off on a strong place. Okay, so let's kick it off there. You're both and no one yell at me. They call themselves this. You're both extroverts, you're both intense people.
You're mourning people. You enjoy relaxing at home. You're closer with your family, you're open to cooking together. But I don't want anyone to get bored. We definitely asked saucy questions too, and you're all really aligned there as well.
So you so we're boring, is what you're saying.
Not for much longer. You both enjoy sex more than for play. You're both super into post workout sex and shower sex, and people they prefer cuffs over ropes. So there was literally no question off limits in this test, which made it so.
Much more fun.
I feel like I've known you guys for years as well, so there was a lot in the bedroom out of the bedroom that you aligned on, solid, solid star.
I now know us better than my parents do.
Yeah, don't listen to this one. You're going to edit that out, So is there anything there that shocked you?
No? No, Actually, the thing is we know each other.
Really really, we've been friends now for nine years, and so when we it's an interesting thing when you're when you don't have romantic designs on someone, you're more willing to be telling all and vulnerable. And I let him see Mike works. He let me see his in a way that I don't think you would do if you just started out dating. So we actually know, maybe even too much about it.
Do you have things in there that we didn't agree on as well?
Yes, so let's talk about where you disagree it. And there were questions like, keep in mind sometimes there's multiple options, four options, so some questions you technically disagreed, but it's barely a disagreement. So there are a couple of things where you answer differently. We also asked what you value most in a partner. You disagreed on this, but I loved your responses. So Amy said, communication, TJ. You said trust.
What neither of you said was physical attraction and romance, And while both of those are absolutely important, it really showed me that you both were looking for that deep, meaningful relationship with a really strong foundation. So I didn't even want to consider that a disagreement.
And I actually was going back and forth between trust and communication. I didn't know how to put one above the other.
Yeah it's a hard one. Yeah, it's a hard one. You also disagreed on discussing politics. Oh, yeah, that was something you were not aligned on. You know, my parents never talked about politics at the at the dinner table. So it's a very different time. But almost twenty million people on our app right now said they enjoy discussing politics, and eight and ten people actually want to talk politics with a romantic partner.
Was the breakdown? I said no? When she said yes, is that what I said?
No? I said yes, Well, because you know what I've always said this, maybe now a little bit less, but when you are in the news business and you're talking about politics at work, the last thing I want to do when I'm not on the job or on the clock is talk about politics. And not everybody is the same, but it's just one of those things where I like to do and talk about other things than things I can't change that are beyond frustrating to me at a certain point.
Maybe that's just being in the business for as long as I have. But yeah, I don't like to take my work home.
See that makes sense to me because on the weekends I'll have all my friends say, can you help me with my hinge profile or my okay, keep it profile. I'm like, oh, really tell me Monday through Friday eight right eight am to five pm.
Exactly. It's my poor brother who's a doctor. He can't go into a party without someone, you know, lifting up their sleeve and showing him a rash and asking him what it is. So I that's just where I stand. You liked. We haven't talked about politics much. I think we do, but we don't talk about it in the way that oftentimes I think so many families do around the dinner table. You're voted for that person, I voted for this person. We are issue based conversations that we
have a lot of times. But no, I wouldn't dare like, oh who'd you vote for? You vote for him? Oh I would you do this promp, let's talk about Biden.
Thank you.
We don't do that at all at all.
Another place where you guys disagreed, and I wonder what you each think the other person said was is jealousy healthy in a.
Relationship, So I said yes, I said hell no. So I wouldn't like to.
Act on that jealousy or be petty or small. But feeling that bit of jealousy makes me know that I want to be with him and only him, and I want him to be with me and only me, And it just I don't know, it just I don't like the feeling, and I don't want to act on it, but knowing it's there actually in a weird way, makes me feel good.
Two things, How do you act on jealousy?
How would you ask by accusing somebody or saying don't talk to that person?
Or how dare you do this? Like? I don't think that that's correct or right or healthy at all in a relationship? Part too, Okay. The second thing goes back to the question when the answer was trust. I don't worry about it, think about it at all. It's a trust matter with me. I don't need to get you if you want to go do whatever you want to do. If I see you out that window right there, talking all flirty or whatever with anybody and like yourself out,
that's my woman. She's going on with me. Whatever I see there whatever I trust that I have to, but not to.
Speak for you. But I feel like you and I Amy are really aligned on this question. I don't think it's about trust for either of us. I think she wholeheartedly trusts you.
I do.
But if I see my boyfriend and there's another guy at the bar talking to him, I see red. That does not mean they should not be talking. It does not mean I think my boyfriend is going to cross any line.
Yep. But there is that little piece.
Of jealous I always I don't think I'm a jealous person generally, but when you feel that little bit of twine, it's like, ooh, like it just reminds you how you feel about that person.
I'm gonna I agree. I'm going to take your jealousy out for a spin. If you're really going to stand by that statement, Well, no, maybe it is a little level of confidence or arrogance or even on my part to where I look and I just it doesn't register to me, and I guess I'm just not jealous in that way.
Well, I hope that I would never act on it, or that you would never see or feel or hear anything from me.
Oh my god, You're always you're always flirty and doing stuff and over there inside of the day which fall. I don't know where you're stop, but there is trust there.
It doesn't mean you still can't feel that little good.
Well, I wish you could, so we require an okay, keep it to people. Answer fifteen of these questions. Y'all went on to answer much much more. You answer dozens of them, and after looking at both, your response is lie it up. Factoring in that you would also most likely be looking for the same things in terms of age and a partner and location and all that, we scored you an eighty four percent. Oh wow, which is really high. Everyone tries to aim for that one hundred percent.
I have never once I've been working with here five years. I met thousands of couples. I've never met at a couple that matched one hundred percent. And also, I don't know if I would ever want that in a part. You need a little bit of disagreement and misalignment, you know, I think that keeps it fun and exciting. But where you both aligned on was the really important core factors in a relationship. It was clear from the beginning you were aligned on family matters. You were aligned on what
you're looking for in a relationship. That's really what's most important. And you're aligned on horror movies.
And yeah, I did see some of the questions we didn't get. I saw how important is religion to you? I can't read my own writing because I don't have my glasses on. Do you like scary movies? Could you ever date someone really messy? We would agree on all of those things, but I was just thinking about how deep some of these questions do go. Yeah, why would you want to answer more just to get a clearer picture of who you might be dating?
Yeah?
Absolutely, Again, we see a lot of people actually go on to answer more and more, and it's because the more you answer, the more compatible your matches are going to be. But I also think the way the questions are written, it really challenges you as a person to say, oh, I didn't think that would be important to me, but it actually is. Or this used to be at the top of my list, and now I don't know if
I even care about it anymore. Especially during the pandemic, we saw a lot of people change what was important to them because you can actually rank your questions. I do, okay, keep it how important it is to you, that's cool. When I first started in twenty nineteen, people all they were answering questions about were holding hands on a date and coffee for a first date, or if they want to go to dinner or drinks. That has completely changed.
The most answered questions and the questions ranked most important are do you support marriage equality? Do you support reproductive healthcare? Do you think women have the right to choose what they want to do with their own bodies? Do you prioritize mental health? Are you open to therapy? People really changed over the past few years what's most most important to them? And I think our questions really help them uncover their must haves and they're nice to haves.
What would you can you overcome? You said must haves and nice to have? But this idea of compatibility, what did you say? A second no, you said compatibility and something that was another way chemistry? Chemistry.
Chemistry is fleeting, you know, I mean it can it could just be attraction.
But on those two things, when it as far as you Ole's research and the questions go compatibility, we sometimes it seems surface right. We like horror movies, that makes us compatible. We like to cook it makes us compatible. We enjoy a nice rose that makes us compatible. But then when people see themselves not come patible in those ways, they think, Okay, then that's a rap and I'm done.
But when they do have those things and they're so compatible and have good chemistry, sometimes they forget about the core those core questions. Can you overcome I'm always fascinated by this. Can you overcome a lack of compatibility with someone from your reason? Can you overcome that if you do have the core value? Or is compatibility something that always always needs to be there on things that seem small?
I think you need to break down what you're talking about in terms of comibi compatibility and what you're compatible on. I don't care if my partner loves Harry Potter or Taylor Swift or The Real Housewives as much as I do. They need to stand my favorite ogs, but they don't have to watch the shows as much as I do.
What I refuse to compromise on when it comes to compatibility is how you feel about LGBTQ plus rights, black Lives Matter, stop Asian hate, really, all these kind of heavier things that we've been going through over the past few years. And I think that's what Okay, keep it does for you. But really, any every dating app does this in some kind of way. It helps you figure out as long as you're aligned on those deeper issues.
We see a lot of issues based dating. Right now, then I think you can move on and figure out how important the other things are and if compatibility there really matters to you. My boyfriends never drink coffee. I drink coffee daily. We're not compatible when you think of that, that's okay.
Right, Yeah, you don't like coffee. I do. We've survived you like I just heard of it about three months ago. That's true. Those are the things that make it interesting, right. I heard a little while ago that there's this phrase that a lot of folks use, even in the online dating world.
Opposites attract and then they attack. Have you all found that to be the case.
Yes and no.
My partner and I I would say many many ways are opposites. There's parts of us. One's more extrovert, ones more introvert. We've grown up differently, we're part of different religions, we came out at different moments in our life. So there's a lot that are definitely more opposite, but we do again. We come together on those things that really
truly matter in a partnership. And I think over time, definitely rocking in the beginning, harder in the beginning, for sure, but over time we've started to balance each other out and bring out the best in one another.
What's the one thing you think a relationship has to have in order for it to work that you all have found in order for.
It to last?
Communication and transparent communication, because so many of us, I think, and I've seen this in relationships over the years. People hit a rough patch and they immediately think, oh, it's over, like we absolutely have to break up. And my boyfriend and I've been dating almost ten years this summer, and congratulations, yes, thank you. We've met on Tinder and there's definitely been rough patches over the years. There have been really hard
years and really hard moments in that decade. The reason why we're still together is because we've communicated transparently. We've had really tough conversations, lots of tears in those conversations, and we've made it through the other side because in those conversations we've been able to say, you know, these are the things we're both struggling with but we want to make it work, and here's how we're going to make it work, and we'll come up with a process
that works for us. But if we weren't communicating, we would have broken up years and years ago without a second thought. So I would say communication is absolutely the most important thing that's vital in a relationship.
Next week, continue with Michael K, global head of communication at okay Cubit with maybe some tips for you putting that profile together. Stay here, back here with Michael K, global head of communication for okay Cube, talking to you about match percentages at okayqube. You gave us our percentage a short time ago. You say we were eighty four percent. I think match what is the average you will kind of see on your site.
It hovers in the seventies to nineties. That's really the sweet spot. It's a big range, but it also depends on where you're looking in the app as well. We actually have a section of the app that's people we recommend to you, and there you're going to see people with the highest match percentage got so.
We might not necessarily have been in each other's in box.
Eighty four percent definitely won okay, okay, okay, good, So we're above average. That's what we're above average.
Okay, you know this is fascinating as my daughters are now getting into the dating world. My oldest is twenty one, my youngest is about to turn eighteen, and I keep hearing this situationship thing thrown around. I saw that you're seeing an increase or at least dating apps are seeing an increase in ethical non monogamy e NM. I just learned what that acronym was. But then I'm hearing situationship
at home. When people go onto these apps, are you seeing generally the younger folks coming in not necessarily looking for committed relationships or with some sort of destination in mind with their relationship?
You know, I think it really depends on the app that you're looking at. That not every app caters to the same demographic. For Okay, keep it. We make you do a lot of work, admittedly to get your profile up and running. That's actually by design. We want people who are taking dating a little bit more seriously, which is why we lean a lot heavier in millennials and gen zers who are probably out of college.
Not my daughter's got.
It, and you brought up ethical non monogamy and situationships. I think there's probably a little bit of overlap between the two, but they are separate, and I want to distinguish between the two. Situationships tend to be between two people who really hadn't haven't yet had that conversation about what they are, where they're going. They're taking it a little bit more slowly and aren't as in a rush to say, you know, we're only dating each other, We're
a boyfriend girlfriend. They might still be dating around. Ethical non monogamy is between two people who are committed and have chosen in that commitment to open their relationships, and we are seeing a ride in that. It's still the minority. So when you look at most dating apps, the overwhelming majority it's going to be people who are looking for monogamous relationships. But you know, we have been seeing for years arise in people interested in open relationships. I actually
don't think it's new. I think we are in a time where people are more comfortable having these conversations more openly.
Okay, you gotta help me here. You said it's not new, but it's just a new name or new thing to call it. I mean I don't think it's really a new trend. I just think we're talking about it more often. I think if you asked your parents if they knew anyone who had an open relationship, chances are they might have known one or two couples. I know my parents, who are baby boomers knew a couple like this, and my aunt who's a gen xer, knows a couple of
couples like this. So I think we're just talking about it. But do I not have the definition right ethical non monogamy? We're just talking about open relationships. Yeah, okay, that's it. The trade is throwing me off, okay, but now it's being more widely accepted, or being.
More accepted than it has been in the past perhaps and not something to be ashamed of or to hide.
Yeah, I would say gens. One thing that gen Z is just crushing it at is removing stigma for so many things in our society, and gen Z are as millennials definitely the most open to open relationships. But because they're talking about it more, it's really relieving that stigma, which is allowing more and more people to talk about and say he actually, this is what I'm into and
that's okay, And you know there's many apps. Okay, if you been included, that makes it really easy for you to find other people who are looking for this as well.
Ethical non monogamy. I'm not into that, by the way. Yeah, I'm just letting you know. Now I don't even know what it is quite yet either, it's but yeah, there are people who want and.
And you know it's great for everyone else if that floats your but I'm just letting you.
Know that it does not blow mine. And she has multiple witnesses. Look something for us, and we'll tell you the truth here, Michael.
We have.
Robes and I have been through a lot together, certainly over the past year, year and a half plus, and so much of that we've had moments throughout that time that are very difficult to where we there's so much on the line for us, and there has been and for us to be together took so much and there was so much sacrifice and you're going into this commitment, and there have been moments we had a really probably the closest we ever got to our relationship ending was
a disagreement of fight we had that was really based on a fear and a lack of communication to where we thought, wow, we went through all this, and we went did all this, and maybe we're not compatible or maybe we missed something. So we were freaking out a little bit. To hear the results today. That is not a joke. Well, you're talking about base our first fight, right, Uh, it was early. It was one of the first two. I would say.
I think you know, also, we had had such we always had fun together. We rarely ever had an issue where we disagreed, and we are very like minded. So yeah, when the first thing happens the first time, you think, oh my god, I don't know this person. I thought I knew this person. I don't know that person. So I mean that can happen. But the score, I do feel now better about it.
Ah, But like I just met Michael. Now, oh he gave us a stambo approval. Now we're gonna be fine. But it was one of those things and we were, you know, to do it. We got it revealed for the first time by you. We didn't know what was going to come out of it. But it was as much as we're having fun here and talking about it. I think everybody deals in that they're looking at a percentage score. Okay, I'm matched with ninety percent, so we
should be good to go. But it's not just an exact science and it's not just there's so much involved here. So for people who are listening and thinking just about a score, I need to get some I lose seventy to ninety percent, and if I don't, then that's no good. Give those folks some perspective here. You kind of throughout you have done so, but just want to remind people of that it's not so black and white.
I also think people need to remember that what we watch in a rom com is not reality by any means. And I there's something that my parents said years ago, way before I ever met my boyfriend or came out of the closet or anything that's stuck with me. And again they're baby boomers, they have gone through a lot. Again I mentioned they've been married over sixty years. But they always said people are too quick to give up, And that's always in the back of my head in
my own relationship. That doesn't mean that you should stay with the wrong person. Get out if it does not make sense for you. And I think in your gut you're going to know when it doesn't make sense, but one bad fight, one bad week, does not make a bad year or a bad relationship. And I think as long as you're having that conversation in a very respectful way, you can power through those bumps. For me, it's about finding that person that you want to weather the storm with.
I think most people know we have four divorces between us, and I had two thirteen year marriages, so it wasn't like cutting and running or anything, and a lot of lessons learned along the way. But this is one of those things where, unfortunately, sometimes you learn the hard way what works and what doesn't. And just I'm curious, does Okay Cupid follow any of these couples that you put together and find out who makes it and who doesn't?
I mean, have you all done research and given thought to that In terms of when people are looking for that right person and say they have a really high compatibility or a match percentage, What is it about couples that makes them stay together or makes them eventually break up?
Yeah?
I don't have an exact answer for this. What I can say part of my job is managing our social media and with that I have the really privilege of reading a ton of dms that come in every single day from people who have used okay Cupid. And because it's a DM, it's private, they're extremely vulnerable. There's a ton of them that share their wedding photos, their engagement photos, their first children, all those success stories. And that's great. And I actually keep a lot of people send us
wedding invitations. I keep those on my desk every day to remind me why I do what I do. But what I really love hearing about is the people who may have met someone on okay Cupid and not wound up with them forever, and they will unpack that for me and tell me about that experience. And I think we often when a relationship ends, we classify that as a failure. We failed, it did not work. That is not a failure, just moving on to the next chapter.
So I actually love hearing those stories of someone who says, I, you know, I've met people who said I love Okay keep it, but they're single. And people are like, why, how do you love a dating app when you're when you're single, They're like, well, I had several really great partners that I met on that app and it worked for me. Might not have worked forever, but it worked for me at some point.
Can you tell folks and the advice to not because you've even when I was filling out the questions, I don't know if you did this, but you almost look at it and you're saying, well, I should say this or should I say this? Right, I guess you would definitely say you need to be vulnerable, authentic, and yourself certainly off the bed and not try to manipulate the answers to try to find a certain type of person.
That is the worst thing you can do is not be yourself. And to your point, there's definitely people who start out. I think the more questions you answer, you kind of forget that you're you stop doing this because you become less mindful of it. I think in the beginning, people answer the way they think other people want, and then as they continue, they just forget about it and
they're just becoming more and more and more honest. But what we see happen if you are putting out a version of yourself that you think other people are looking for, you're only going to attract people who are looking for that version that might not be you. So I tell people all the time. If you don't want to be married, that's great, say that on your dating app profile. If you do not want children, there's nothing wrong with it.
I'm this is controversial. I'm not a pet person. I don't think you guys either.
You don't say and I have a dog.
Yeah, and I loved him, but I wouldn't consider myself a pet person.
Yeah, it's not my jam. But I you know, you walk house. I mean, he's adorable. I hope he's not listening to I know that would be awful if you heard what I just said. Do you feel like feeling to his point when you were feeling it out? Because we were sitting across a table from each other, figling it out, and then I hear her crack up laughing as she years me make a comment. Did you find yourself saying like, what would he say?
Oh?
Yes, for sure. Yes.
I think that's a human experience to want to put your best foot forward. But if you actually just admit who you are, it's going to be better in the end because they're gonna find out absolutely.
And I think putting your best foot forward is still showing who you are. There's nothing wrong with what you're interested in or what you're looking for, But you have to be honest about it because otherwise you're going to waste your time and you're gonna waste the other person's time if you are just not looking for the same things.
Same with the photos.
You know, I know there's a lot of filters out there, but what would you suggest?
No filters, no group photos. If you're going to do group photos, save it for the end of your like little scroll of photos, and ditch the selfies. I love a selfie. It took like three on the way here today.
Oh so did I. However, I don't need to see that on your dating app profile.
Use I. You know, when you put any thing on your profile, whether it's photos or something you're writing in, I always like to think, what's the purpose that this is serving? Is it serving as a conversation starter? Is
it showing someone what I'm interested in? So if I were to create a dating app profile today, I would post a photo of the first half marathon I ran, me at Taylor Swift's aerostour, me at the Harry Potter World in London, because what those photos are going to do is one it's going to tell people my hobbies and what I'm interested in. It also gives them something to say to me, because hey, hi, hello. Actually have
the highest rate of being ignored on dating apps. But by those three photos alone, someone can say what era are you in? Or which was your favorite book or movie? Or are you training for the New York City Marathon? And you immediately jump into this conversation that's grounded in something you're already comfortable speaking about.
What would your pictures be?
I knew you were announced me that for sure, the New York City Marathon because that's a huge part of my life. I know you said no group photos, but I would definitely want my daughters, just for people to know that I'm a mother, because that's a huge part of who I am. And maybe me eating popcorn, watching a horror movie.
I don't know.
Wow, I don't know, climbing a mountain, hiking that would have turned you off immediately.
All of yours probably would have turned me off. I don't know what we would imagine yours, Oh that's easy. Me be cooking, me standing next to a razorback of some kind probably and maybe running at this point.
Oh yeah, Georgia football would probably be a part.
Of it, maybe with a drink in hand, making mixing a drink. Yeah, we've definitely connected over college football too. That was another common thread we had. Michael. This has been great. Thank you for giving our relationship the stamp of approval. We've been looking for that palidation for a long.
Time and Michael Kay just gave it to us and hopefully some some things to think about as you all continue your journey and looking for that special someone.
Yeah, stay at it, folks. It's okay. And like you said, I think that was great advice. It's okay. You're not a failure because of relationship ends. You're moving on to the next thing or maybe that was where you were supposed to be at that point in your life and you need somebody to take you through the next the next phase of your life. So that was a great, great, great advice. So it's a pleasure having you. Hope we can have you back and you're here and here in town with us, right in New York.
Yeah absolutely, I will. I will venture more downtown for both.
Of you, honest, all right, and after dry January preferably, I'm.
Doing dry January as well.
Oh you are, Oh.
Gosh, Okay, I feel so much better now, and.
I actually will say I did dry August and I carried into September. I wasn't in a rush. Wow, I'm get interested to see how February first goes for you.
Well, February sixth is my birthday, so I will most certainly have some have some drinks in my hands.
So problem Michael, really, thank you so much, and folks, thank you all as well. I hope you got something out of this conversation today besides just a little fun. So our takeaway here is, by all means, enjoy your dry January, happy dating. Go see American Fiction. What else does it takeaway?
And for every relationship there is a reason, a season, or lifetime, and it's okay if they fall into any of those three categories.
All right, folks, Well Amy and TJ. Here You can follow the show at on Instagram at Amy and TJ Podcast. You can follow both of us on Instagram as well, But for now, this is Amy and TJ, the eighty four percent couple. Drop the mic