Welcome everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ, where the Amy is back in the Amy and DJ.
Wow.
I've been gone.
I've been missing the podcasting, but I listened. I was an avid listener while I was gone. You did a great job.
I was an avid worker while you were gone.
I know I felt I felt a little guilty about being gone and not pitching in. However, I was sweating and actually into significant manual labor getting my daughter upstairs into her new home in Boulder, Colorado at college. And it just so happened to be the two hottest days of the year in Boulder. It was about ninety five. And you know, when you're in the Milehouse mile High City, or at least nearby, the sun is even more strong, like it's stronger actually than it is somewhere here on.
The East Coast.
So yes, I'm so sorry. I appreciate you holding down the floor. Sorry for one for not being a partner, a podcast partner.
The last two days.
Stop stop Is that for real?
Oh my god?
Yes, I absolutely suffered from Okay.
Then I am sorry for not being a good life partner because I wasn't there as you were moving at least in school So does that sound just to you as ridiculous as it sounds to me when you're telling me you're not a good party.
This is one actually great partners respect where each person needs to be and we are actually we divided and conquered. Yes, and sometimes you have to do that when you're a couple.
Yeah, And you know I felt it this this week, right, this is our recovery run. And we debated, folks, will be honest with you all, we're like, get we got like, we're such failures this week at doing what we're encouraging people to do, which is to make sure you make time, make sure you take a beat, make sure you recover, make sure you check in is another way to put that. And we failed at it so much as we that we were debating that you were sitting at the table
almost pounding the table. What can we tell them?
Yes, like, we're here on Saturdays to not only inspire folks who are listening to prioritize not just themselves individually, but also themselves as a couple. Just we have to take these moments, even as parents, especially as parents, to make time for the primary relationship, the relationship you have with your partner. And the relationship you have with yourself.
This week, as everyone listening who has busy lives, which I'm sure most of you do, it was almost it was nearly impossible to do that because we went from moving or helping move out my oldest daughter, Ava, who's twenty two, into her big girl apartment in Brooklyn, and
TJ was an amazing partner doing all of that. We'll get into that in a second, to then celebrating TJ's forty eighth birthday, which was incredible to me, then heading to Boulder to get daughter number two settled in her sophomore year, to coming back and now preparing for more transitions. So yes, it has been one of those weeks, folks.
But I have to say, TJ, this was part of the recovery that I feel like we did succeed at because although we were apart for a couple of days, which is highly unusual in a lot of ways, I felt even closer to you. Why I was hoping you would ask, because I was actually focused on someone on one time with my daughter and you actually were focused on someone on time with your daughter, So that was really cool. But during all of that time apart, you and I have to give you total credit.
You were you had.
You had some incredibly kind and loving and sweet and beautiful text that you sent to me that made me feel even closer to you, things that maybe we wouldn't say for whatever reason, face to face or if we've just spent twenty four to seven together, that you were able to express in a way that I was able to read and take in. Like, there were several times I got texts from you where tears actually swelled up in my eyes.
So yeah, well, I'm sorry. I didn't. I didn't mean for that.
Good tears, tears of joy, tiers of connection and closeness and feeling supported even though we were apart. I hope and I know you also sent me some sweet text about just what we because your birthday unfortunately landed in the middle of two major moves with the girls, and so that's chaos, and it was nice to have we did their.
Moves landed in the middle of my birth That's true.
What that might be a better way to put.
It put it. That was a bad plan on their part, those two girls of selfish as hell. It annoys me. Let me just get this out, knock.
But we were actually we we took a I guess you could call it a Staycasian because we were trying to find a place where we could get away for your birthday with Sabine.
But also I had be close to.
JFK because I had a really early fight the next morning after your birthday. So it did take some planning. But maybe we can give ourselves some credit on a Recovery Run episode where we're talking about prioritizing that sort of thing by saying we did find time for each other, and we did.
Even if it was a text. So it doesn't have to be.
Some grand gesture or some major thing that you do to recover. It can just be as simple as a kind message, a sweet text, a way to let your partner know you're thinking about them. That can almost be as beautiful as some major trip or some major something else.
You know that makes sense, And I know what you're saying. We haven't completely talked about this, but I it's not I don't want to go with the absence makes the heart grow fun little shit. I never liked that, but what it highlighted for me this week. Wow, I haven't talked,
I have thought about this. I think I was walking around the house even saying this and having this discussion with myself that it highlighted how much of a partner you are and how valuable a partner is, because when you were gone, I felt your absence more than I think I appreciate your presence, and so I don't appreciate your presence until I feel the absence, And that sucks. That's not the way it should be. But I think
you could understand as well. I think you would have appreciated in bolder moving your daughter into her house and being with friends and managing other parents and doing target runs and halding stuff up the stairs if you had a partner there.
Oh, I missed you terribly, and not just for your physical like all ability to help with the like actual, but just even yeah, your support, having a partner.
All of that. So the thing you were missing there not even specific to me. I'm just saying I was feeling on this end to where you and I are such partners day in day out, and then when you're gone and all of a sudden, I have to do this and this and this, and I don't get support for this and this and this and this. You just feel that absence and I thought, wow, we have a great thing going. We actually have a great thing going because I am feeling and I am appreciating her. I
am wanting her to feel me. I was. I absolutely wanted to be there. Our schedules ended up being as crazy as they are.
You had parenting to do. I had parenting to do. And this is something that look a lot of folks who have second marriages, third marriages. Just how many people in this world have blended families and you have to and even if you don't have a blended family, sometimes you just have a large family or multiple children. If it comes to just who takes the kid to the hockey practice and who takes the kid to the soccer game.
I mean, parents everywhere know what this is.
I was just thinking about parents who had so I and this is this is me going on a sidebar. In full disclosure, I never encouraged my kids to be on team sports because I did not want to have to deal with that as a single parent.
That was the most selfish thing I've ever heard you.
It was I was like, you should be in theater because then I knew, you know, you've got the practice at the theater, and then you could just go to.
A Friday night play.
I don't have to get up at whatever o'clock can take you to swim practice.
Nah.
So if we'd have had a son, you had him a hockey playing theater guy.
No, I would not encourage hockey. Do you know what hockey moms and hockey dads have to do. It's insane. I've heard from other people. So yes, I was being strategic on my part to do as little schlepping as possible.
But I direst and I think everybody knows this. Our son would not.
Have played hoc No, I'm going to go with no, I'm not going to.
Go oh, I'm just thinking about what you excel at and assuming our son would have excelled at the same sports you exceled at, I'll just leave it at that. And then if we had a daughter, yeah, theater, of course, that's exactly what would have happened.
But no, I do think that there are.
These moments where you do have to divide and conquer. And it's one thing to feel your partner's absence, but it's another thing to express it and to let your partner know how much you missed them. For a whole host of reasons, and I just think that that adds. That deepens a connection, It deepens a relationship, It deepens even a friendship and a partnership. Like we are teammates and sometimes we forget how much we do lean on each other and how much we do kind of fall
into our roles. I'll do this, you do that, and together it happens because we each do our part.
I even blew it on one of the morning runs this week, one of the daily podcast news podcasts that we do every single day. We know this thing inside and out. We have a rhythm. I had to do it on my own two days this week. And there's one point we add every single time robes. It's our quote of the day at the end. It's like clockwork. You can depend on that being there. But that is your role, right.
It just so happens that we've kind of you do the top of the show where you and you do the teases. You're really good at going to break and teasing what's next.
I don't have to think about it.
I usually end up putting in the reads and who reads what I organize, what's the top story, what's the kicker? And that's maybe newspeaker for people who don't know, and then I do quote the day so all of a sudden when the other person's missing, which is very rare, and so you shouldn't have to beat yourself up. In fact, I listened to all the podcasts that you did in my absence, and I was laughing when you forgot the quote. But I said, I appreciate the fact that you didn't
just hustle and try to come up with that. You acknowledge it. There was full transparency. So here I am now having to admit that I did not realize.
That I did not put in a pen.
I mean I had. You should have seen me. This would have been on video. It was full panic, like two stories prior, because holy hell, I did do it. Because we fall into our lanes and our zone, and you know what, I can trust and depend on you, and some I never have to think about the quote of the day because it's taken care of. And there are some things that you shouldn't have to think about, either in moving a child into the house, going to school, or whatever it may be. And just I hate it
not being there. You hate it not being here. But I to your point, and this is a positive of the week. It's not an absence makes the heart grow fonder situation. It was a realization or appreciation of what we have, what we do, and what we still have a very passionate desire to do for each other. That getting reminded of that because of absence, that was a good part of the week.
And so I can't wait to let everyone hear what our reunion was like on Friday afternoon. Before we go to break, I have to tell you about my new obsession. These leggings I can't stop wearing. They're from a brand called Tona, and they were created by the same designer who helped build Lulu Lennit, so you just know they're going to be amazing. They're incredibly soft, hug in all the right places, and still manage to be super supportive.
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twenty percent off and free shipping. And welcome back everyone to this Saturday edition of Morning Run.
We call it our recovery Run.
It's August twenty third, and yeah, we are recovering from the week, and we're recognizing that with all that we had to do this week, and it was quite a lot to take on that the recovery was perhaps just recognizing how much we actually do for one another and how much we love being together and how well we work together. So I was so looking forward to coming
back on Friday afternoon. I was missing my girl. I do have to admit the first moment any parent out there who's dropped their kid off at college and this is that time of year. But the second I walked into the apartment, I tears welled up.
I was fine. I made it.
I left Annalise. She was actually staying in a hotel room because her bed didn't get delivered until this morning, or until Friday morning. But I left Analise. I didn't cry on the plane. I didn't cry, but I walked into the apartment, I'm gonna cry. And I saw her room and I just, you know, started to cry.
But it's fine. She's so happy.
She's in a very good place with great kids, and she literally has like the Disneyland of college campuses at Boulder, Colorado. If y'all have never been there, it is such a beautiful place to be. So I'm super happy for her, and that pushes me through. But waiting for TJ and Sabine. Actually they were at lunch to come back, and I was standing out on the balcony eating a salad and DJ comes in silently, stealthily, and what did you do?
Babe? I just gave you a big kiess know you did not be honest. Why are you on the balcony with your back turn, leaning over the balcony with your salad dangling over walking New Yorkers.
The truth is I was trying to take in New York City because I was trying to keep my emotions at bay with how I was feeling.
When I walked in and saw her room, I.
Was like, I'm just gonna feel some fresh air, if you can call New York City air fresh. But it was the air I had available to me.
At the moment.
And then yes, he came up and he would whoa and he grabbed my shoulders. I screamed, had you welcome home?
You can I do this once every two weeks. Maybe you I come over and you leave, you leave the door propped open for me. If I'm out and I come back and you're out of the shower, So how do you not know I'm coming back?
I mean, I know generally you're about to come back, but I feel like most people announce themselves.
Oh that was my announcement. But that's all bad. We should have been here when you got it. I didn't think of at it, but to think about you coming to an empty home, we should have given that more consideration. You would not have been in tears. If Sabine and I and there was joy and laughter and family in the house, you wouldn't have I don't think you would have felt the same way. So that's that's all us. That's our bad. Actually blame Sabine, she insists, on going out.
I mean it was a moment like honestly, no, I don't blame you at all. I just had Yeah, it was a quiet like again, any parent who.
Has their kids leave like you complain about the shoes being in the hallway and a mess and things being left around the house, and all of a sudden you come in and everything's clean, everyone's moved their stuff out, it's quiet.
There's a moment off.
I had that moment too when I came in and the house was clean.
You're like, oh, thank god, those messy kids are gone.
You know. This is when I came in and I realized that they were gone. And you know what the cleaner came in was that yesterday she came in.
Yeah, So it's funny I have when, by the way, when the kids are not here, I literally ended the cleaning. I was like, I don't need a cleaner. I'm and I are both very clean. We don't really need a cleaner. And then the moment they came back, which was in May, I was like, yeah, I'm gonna need to pursue.
I'm gonna need you to come back.
So, yes, I've now I amended it to like twice a month, but I forgot. Actually, yes, she came on Thursday after the girls.
Left, okay, and then I came back in and the first time I came back in to your point, coming to an empty house, a clean house. And I walked in to your point, and the first thing I said was.
Hallelujah. Look, it's funny, like my mom used to tell me that.
She's like when the girls were little and you would go on vacation away from them, she was like, the first like, when you're leaving and you're speeding away from the house, you're sobbing. Maybe even the first night on vacation, do you feel like you have a hole in your heart because your kids are not with you and you're worried about them?
Like by day two you're like, I think I'm okay, and then.
By day three you're like, whoo party. So I know I'll get back into a place where I feel like they're on the right path. They're good, they're safe, they're supported. But I'm getting there already. Well, I still just like it's gonna take a like, but it won't take long. The funny thing is I get adjusted and then they come back. I'm like, you're back again.
That was so soon.
But it is a process.
It is transition and change is hard. And look, this was a stressful transitional week. But I do think the best way I could describe the recovery, or at least the moment where I did feel peace, it was it was arm texting back and forth. I just I guess the takeaway from this week for me was, even if you are seeing each other a lot and you live together, you're not separated during the day when you're at work and someone else's you know, you're off doing separate things.
Just a note.
All you have to say is I love you period, I miss you period, Like that little text means everything, and that you know that intellectually. But I really felt that this week, and I felt like our connection deepened when we were apart, which was pretty cool.
So take that with you, folks, At least as a part of recovery. You shouldn't have to need confirmation that you miss your partner, but it's nice when you get it.
Yeah, it's actually great, So yeah, send that message. Send that text.
I didn't know, babe, we've spend so much time together we do that I don't get an opportunity that often to miss you. And I've even joked before, like I miss her if when she goes into the bathroom, because that's usually not not the shower, just when you go use bathroom, the restroom break, bathroom.
Break where you get a break, when are you coming back?
Because even when you're in the shower, I have free reigin coming in and out of the bathroom, so I even then I don't necessarily miss you, or if I did, I could go see you saying we just don't have that many opportunities and when you do, and that comes up. And this week was what it was. It was. It was a it was a beautiful relationship week. So that was a part of a recovery run. We see here we are. We were complaining about we didn't have anything.
Oh my god, it was so much going on, and turns out, you know, it was a good week for us.
Yeah, and happy birthday baby. How does forty eight feel?
Man? I am freaking out that I am getting older and feeling younger. That's a good thing, it's yeah, but it's that doesn't make sense to me. I am getting older and feeling younger, feeling healthier and healthier over the past few years. I don't feel like I'm aging since probably forty I feel like I'm actually Benjamin buttoning this motherfucker and I'm just I feel great. I feel great.
That's awesome.
And I think relationships. It doesn't have to be with a romantic partner, but just in general, if you have your relationships right, if you were investing correctly in them, everything else falls into place. I really believe that. Well, anyway, we hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend. Thanks for running with us on this Saturday morning recovery run. I'm Amy Roebok, finally alongside my partner TJ. Holmes.
Thanks for listening.
Everybody,