Hey, folks, Robock and I were at a concert last night and just after one song, Roboch was wiping tears constantly from her face. And the artist who had her in tears is in studio with us today. Everybody, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ Roaves. Did I get that about right? Did I describe it?
I had like I had ugly tears, like it was embarrassing, Like I was actually crying, like absolutely sobbing.
Yes, but it was there were tears of just what beauty anyway.
Because it was sad. It wasn't a sad moment. It wasn't a sad song necessarily, it was a beautiful song. But yes, okay, now you describe what my reaction was to you cry.
You were staring at me and then you were laughing at me, h lyrically.
Now that sounds mean, but everybody needs to understand she was laughing at herself while she was crying.
I was laughing and crying at the same time because I realized how like ridiculously emotional I was in that moment. But I feel like it speaks to the level of talent and the authenticity of the words and the music by one of my absolute favorite artists who I'm so excited to reconnect with after God. It's been almost a decade and she is one of my all time favorite, favorite favorite people. I listened to her music at least
once a day. One of the songs and I have all my favorites, and yes, this one song got me last night. Do you remember what the name of the song was?
Yeah, of course I know what the name of the song was. And to get everybody a little caught up here to set the mood here. This was at a small church in Brooklyn St.
Anne, Saint Anne's, but it was I don't think it was small. It was.
Oh, it's gorgeous, but it's a but when you think about a concert venue, it's very intimate. It's a church. You're in a church. So they have I don't know how many candles were set up. They call these these candlelight concerts they have. So we were invited to one, uh last evening. So it's a very intimate and it is one of the coolest concerts I have ever been to. But the tone and the mood and the energy in
there was so so sweet and we're sitting there. We had a good time had a good day, and sure, I wasn't expecting you told me about this song before we went in, and so one song goes off perfectly. We were having a good time, like, wow, this is amazing. Before we get to the chorus on song too, you all, I wish you all could see me.
She should have taken a video her hands.
Look, we're moving like when the whole time, and it was absurd and we were having such a good time. You were laughing. I was laughing at you. You couldn't believe you got caught up. Yeah, but in the moment. But the song is called girls, Yes, and please describe a song.
Well, first of all, can we talk about the amazing artist Rachel Platton, who I think everyone knows and loves. But this song Girl, she released a year ago. And my oldest daughter, Ava, who is also a singer or an aspiring singer songwriter, she came running in and said, Mom, you have to listen to the song. She was sending it to me, and I started listening to it and then I just listened to it on repeat and we would listen to it together and I just send it
to her. She send it back to me, and so it's a song about Rachel wrote this for her two daughters, who are two and five now, and I remember when my babies were two and five. That's the same spread that my daughters are, but they're eighteen and twenty one now. But it's a song. It's a tribute to them and the power that they have, not just within themselves but together as sisters. Oh my god, and about a mother's love for her daughters. And it's just, oh my god, it's so beautiful.
And with that, can we say welcome. That was incredible, No thank you, but thank you for the invitation to the concert last thank you for expending That was Look, sister, I look. I don't need to sound like I'm posturing here or trying to flatter you in some way, but that was one of the coolest venues and showcases of
somebody's talent I've ever seen. I've been to a lot of concerts, but when someone can get on stage and there's a mic and a piano and just go to town, I have no greater respect for an artist than that. And I saw you in a venue last night, Rachel. That was unbelievable. That was unreal.
Think you're going to make me cry, thank you so much. Honestly, to be seen it was kind of what I was always wanting, and to be seen for. We'll get into it more than fight song and seen for the true artist that I am. And it means so much to me. Thank you so much.
Were we felt. We just kept looking into the going this is so cool, this is so.
Such an amazing venue.
It was. It was incredible.
There were thousands of candles that they set up. It's called Candlelight Concert Series. I'm probably going to do more around the country, but it's just the most magical thing. I remember walking in there and being like, I get to sing here, let alone stand in here. I didn't want to get off stage.
Oh I didn't want you to either. I don't think anybody wanted you to. It was funny because I just mentioned my daughter Ava.
She was wondering what TJ and his music choices, like, what he would think about going to a Rachel plattin concert.
So she was like, I can't wait to see what you have to say. So we came back.
Ava was came back from her waitress shift and she was like, Okay, TJ, what did you think.
I was just blown away. I'm familiar with your hit songs. I have not done I'll admit I haven't done it. I hadn't done a deep dive on a lot of your music, but I was familiar to you and your hits. I was familiar. But for whatever reason, and her daughter didn't think maybe I'll say, Okay, TJ. Don't know what this is gonna be your laying will you even discussed like what I should wear? Like how should I dress? I was like, is this kind of a racial plan audience? Or is it I dressed like this?
I think people are going to be pretty surprised by these shows, and they have been, and they have given you to be like, wait, I thought it was this one thing. It's very very much not and not maybe not only that one thing anymore. And so I understand her hesitance for you. I understand you're like unsure about what to wear, like is this a pop audience with our little girls? I get that, and that's fair.
I loved the moment you started singing. He was like oh wow, Like he was like, this is the real deal. She is the real deal. And that made me so happy because I didn't want to I don't want to talk you up too much. I wanted him to have his own opinion, and I was like so excited I knew. I was like, when she gets up there and starts singing, I know, because you.
That's amazing that you knew, because I don't even know if fans of mine and who. To be honest, I didn't even know I could sing and play like that. Something happened and we'll get into it. Something happened to me during my change into motherhood and this subsequent depression and mental health battle that I went through. Something happened to me that unlocked something in me. And I get surprised. I really am genuinely saying this. I get surprised by
what my voice can do. I actually can't believe it. It never could do that before. It was strong, but it wasn't like it couldn't just do whatever I want. It's wild. I opened my mouth and I'm like, I could do any run I want to, and not to show off, I'm just I never could do that before. And I never thought my voice was my calling card or my talent. I was always like, my songwriting is what is my strength, and my voice is good and
it can carry these wonderful songs. But I'm surprised, so of course other people are surprised.
Wait, how do you explain that?
Then people have asked me, my sister was there last night and she hasn't seen me before in maybe ten years, and she was, no, that's that can't be true. Seven years. That would be awful. She's actually my best friend. Why would that be? It was a pandemic. Okay, she saw me a Medison Square garden a couple of years, like in twenty nineteen, but that was the last real kind of shows that I was doing.
So she.
Was just shocked, and she was looking at me like what is going on? She's listened to me sing our whole lives? And I think the way I was trying to explain it to her was I think physically, I have like a scientific explanation that maybe, and then I have a spiritual one. So for both, for any of you kind of listeners, I think, scientifically and spiritual and physically, what happened? Is it in childbirth and in carrying my
babies and growing my babies? I think my rib cage, well, I know it has it widened, and my diaphragm has dropped, and there is actual more power. But spiritually, what I think has happened is that this journey that I've been through, this dark night of the soul and this from the worst thing I've ever faced, brought me into this integration with all of me. So it's me holding the dark and the light. Before I think I would deny and push down a lot of the dark feelings and the
like stuff that I deemed as negative or bad. And I was this fight song girl with her fist in the air and tiny and botoxed and like, you know, tanned and all the like I'm sorry swearing.
And you swore the church last night, by the way, I really was.
So I'm told to myself, I'm not going to swear and then see, this.
Is why we're friends. I'm to say, God, literally.
God, I'm so sorry. But I so I think that that's what happened. I think I integrated the dark and the light, and that in my voice you can hear it. The soul is there, and the depth is there in a way that it never was. And there's a freedom. I mean, you heard me saying that song set me free. There's a freedom in feeling like I don't really care. I've already been through the hardest thing I could go through. I actually, when it comes down to it, don't really
care what you think. This is for me, and this is for me and God, and this is between me and you know my songs, and so if you want to come along, that's wonderful and I welcome you, but I'm not doing it for that anymore.
Isn't that crazy? We know a little bit about it.
I know some darkness and coming through the other side and when the worst has happened. Yes, and you think when you literally hit rock bottom, and I've thought I've hit rock bottom before and I actually hit rock bottom one hundred.
My song Mercy starts with saying, there's dirt in my nails from scraping the walls. I thought I hit bottom, So why am I still falling? It's happened same exact thing. You're like, there's more, are you kidding?
Yep, yeah, yep.
So it absolutely resonated with both of us, the words of mercy, by the way, oh my god, your voice and that holy moly. I actually just downloaded it and put it on my run playlist because I liked those kinds of yes, yes, like you got this and I need help, and you know I can't do this alone. Like all of those things resonate with so many people, but I think especially like listening to your music now and having just gone through the journey we went through.
And I met you a year after my cancer journey, and so your fight song and it was we were a good morning America together, and I just you know, that was my anthem, and now I think mercy is going to be my anthem because enough but.
Everyone has their moments.
You don't ever see them coming most of the time, and then you have to figure out who you're going to be afterwards. But that's why I think your music, I mean, I love what you're saying that whole, Like here's me crossing zero FUCKX yes, Like when you get to a place and it's hard earned, when you can give like zero fix, sometimes that's when you're at your best.
It's so true because the need that I had. And then I imagine we all being in an industry where where there's like eyes on it and we need to please people for our livelihood, right like, and we're being told that there are metrics now, like we start off doing this because there's joy and love to it, and it's like, well, at least for me, there's inspiration and
there's something calling me to this career. And then you have massive success and you know know this too, you two, and then it doesn't get to be a just about this like dream or wish or wonder into this this
world anymore. And all of a sudden, there's eyeballs on you and there's need for people who are making a lot of money off of you, for you to succeed and be liked, and so people are telling you how you have to be and what you can't be, and you can't really be yourself because you're so afraid how would what would it? What would happen if I actually spoke my truth? And it's just a terrifying place to be.
So sometimes all of that just needs to fall and crash in order for the art to come back and for like the true and steadation to come back again. And I am so grateful it did, and I'm grateful for you guys, honestly, like how incredible that you are. Look, you hit the bottom and now you get to be zeros given and where do we do now?
Right?
It's like amazing, you can write your book, you know you can write your story and I feel the same way. I'm like just beginning again in a way. Do you guys feel like that, like just the beginning in a way, our new beginning.
Well, it's weird that it seems freeing, like you have to go through that. Oh I'm finally where I'm supposed to be. Oh yes, yes, But did I really have to go through? I did?
You did.
It's the hero's journey. It's the dark day of the soul. It's like Dante's inferno. You had to go through the fire. You That is literally how you find the freedom is the falling to your knees and not being able to take it anymore and crying mercy and being like enough, that is the only way to find the enlightened self of like freedom.
But yes, it sucks, so sucks.
It sucks. It sucks even more than you think. It's oh God, like you think, how did I get here? I know, I know, especially when you like, I love how you described yourself like positive, like you know, like yes, and everyone looks to you for the hope and inspiration and you're like, no, I need okay, I'm not I'm not okay, You guys.
Gotter find someone else?
Did we tell you every single one of our episodes turned into a therapy.
Session when you were doing something right? That is what we need more than anything in the world.
Do you remember a point to the point you just made about me with somebody was trying to get you to be something else? What was there? Can you point to a portion of your career, or even particular songs or an album to where it wasn't really you where you were trying to be something somebody else was trying to get you to be.
Yeah, I'm actually so glad you asked me that, because I don't know if I've gotten to speak about it publicly. You know, friends and family know how I feel. But yeah, my second album, and it feels so common the story. You know, It's like you make your first album in your garage or in your bedroom and no one's really involved in it. And for Fight Song, I wrote it basically by myself wandering the city, wandering New York City
and like just desperate to follow this dream. And it was so true and so honest, and all those songs were so no one was paying attention. I was playing to like three people in a bar. I wasn't thinking about what people needed from me. I wasn't anyone you know,
I don't care what they need from me. And then all of a sudden, you have eyes on you and expectations, and like I said, a company that's putting a lot of money behind you, and a lot of companies putting a lot of money behind you, and there's just internalized. It wasn't like anyone outrights although that's actually don't you. Oh, I'll contact the I'll protect the people that aren't here.
But you know, in the for the for the most part, it was internalized feeling of like, oh, okay, I now need to start competing, Like this is now not about me channeling God and my what I believe is my mission in the world, or you know, healing myself through my songwriting. Now this is about okay. So I'm number five on the billbirder, how do I get to number one? And who's number four, three, two and one? Okay? And
it's the massive names that you know. So now no longer am I like in the circle of bleakers peat musicians we're all cheering each other on. Now I'm like comparing myself to the biggest superstars in the world. And of course I can't do I don't know how to do that. All I know what it do is be me. And so I'm like, oh, well, I shouldn't. I mean, the most ridiculous thing is that I stopped playing the piano live. Wow, Like, what the dick was going on with that? Why would I ever get off the piano?
But I felt like, and I think it was I was told that I needed to start dancing. I am not a dancer. I go to a dance class every Tuesday because I want to crack up at myself. I am the worst. I'm in the back. I'm so awkward, and I just think it's so funny. And I bring my friends and they laughing and it is so fun. But I I should not be dancing on stage. I am a piano player. I've been classically trained since I was seven years old, sorry, six years old. Why the
dick did I get off the piano? And and I just it was so confusing to me. I thought I had to be this thing. I had to be skinnier and wear tinier clothes and write, get injections and botox, which I stopped doing all that like five years ago.
Did you dance for a while, Yeah, I dance.
Call it dancing.
I danced in some shows.
Yes, really yes. It's so embarrassing, it's so silly. It's like I actually cringe thinking about it. What was I doing? Why wasn't I playing my instruments?
Because someone is telling you what you have to do to be more successful, yes, or to be marketed the way they want you to be.
And well what really? I remember what got it really internalized was what happened was after fight Song and this massive wave, and I wanted to be All of a sudden, I was like, well, I don't want to be perceived as like this hopeful, inspirational. I want to be cool. And I remember being obsessed with that idea of cool, which is so funny. It felt like it must have been a much younger me, because I haven't felt that way since middle school, but just this need of like
how do I what's cool? How do I be cool? And who's cool? Oh? Like Halsey school at the time, you know, I don't know how do I be like that? And I gotta be moody. I have to stop smiling. I should dance and wear like and you should see these promo pictures from my second album, I'm like sad in a desert with like a fur coat on. My husband was like levelessly making fun of me. He's just walking moodily through a desert and fur like always just like so so unnatural, I'm so silly and so the
whole second album. While look, they were true. They were true to an extent. They were, you know, truth because my songwriting was always a place I come home in the studio, I always come home to myself. But there was a deeper level of truth that I couldn't access because if I was telling the truth, the real truth at the time, it would be a scream of get away from me, what is happening. I'm so scared, I feel so alone, I feel like this could all go away.
And I didn't tell that truth because I wasn't I didn't understand what I was feeling at the time. So yeah, I would say my second album, while I really love it and it's a bop and there's really fun songs on it, my god, it it was not truly who I am. I don't think.
Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things when you you work really hard to have this high level of success.
You hit the success. Now it's like, how do I keep the success?
Exactly? How do I want horrifying? Like it might leave after fifteen years exactly. I was playing in the city. Most people know the story by now, But if you don't, Fight Song didn't just come out of nowhere like it seemed to. I was touring in a van. I mean, I'm a true road dog musician. I was sleeping in my van. I was playing in house concerts and bars, and you know, I was my own booking agent. I was hungry and an independent musician. I was selling CDs out of my suitcase in the back of my van,
and like that's how I was building my career. And that's where fight Song was born from. And then fight Song was just and then like, oh no, stop wearing your jeans and leather jackets, like go get glam and eyelashes and lose weight and do this and like so anyway, I don't even know, I.
Said, well, we'll just think of the successive fight song I think carried you. By the way. I have a question for you. Did you perform at the bitter End.
So many times? So many times? It was every show in New York was like very special in the beginning because I until I started learning how to really like go to the school of New York music, which is you play whenever and wherever someone will let you. Because my parents stopped supplementing my rent at like twenty four makes you hungry, right yep, And I was like, and my dad was like, look, I love you, but honey, if I keep helping you, you're never going to do this.
And I was so scared because I had to, like your daughters, I had to waitress on the side, and I played from one am to four am, and I just hustled, and I sang commercials in the morning. And I so until I learned that kind of work ethic and that kind of hunger. Every show in New York like the Bitter end Ones, those my Bitter end days. They were so special, and I'd like invite all my
college friends. And I did have quite a following because I was a nice girl in college, you know, and I had friends come, and so the places would let me, let me, would book me, yeah.
Because then you could bring people into the bar, right.
Exactly, you know, young people into the bar. But then it wasn't enough because I was making like a couple hundred dollars, So I had to figure out, well, how do I really do this?
How do you write? You were you wrote fight song just kind of wandering around the streets of New York. How does a song like that come about? Are you kind of humming in your head? Are you sitting at a piano with a melody? Are you writing the lyrics? How did that song come about?
That song took so much to write. I think because I probably subconsciously knew that it was going to break me open into the world. It was going to let me finally be seen, and I think I was a little scared to be seen. So it took two years to write. And the first beginning of it came very quickly, the way that I described most of my songs last night channeled in a studio, instantly coming through like oh, but it was a little it was a little like
marching beat kind of was strange. Before I was like, this is my fight song. Time to dig back. And then I wrestled with the rest of it for two years. Wow, I know, I know, it was crazy, and I had so many different verses. No producer would produce sit because I was a nobody, and so I finally had to learn pro tools myself. I went to garage band on Fourteenth Street. I like hired some sweet looking nerd. Was like, no,
I'm kidding. I was. I was the nerd, I mean no like, and we just geeked out for hours in my tiny, you know, walk up fourth floor apartment, and I learned pro tools and I learned how to produce it myself so that I could finally let it be heard. But that process, that whole thing took two years. And so, yeah, I was wandering through the city with versions of it in my ears. I was on the piano trying to figure out I was humming it wherever I was. I was just wrestling with it.
Was it?
Were you wrestling with the lyrics? Was that melody always there?
No?
No, no, none of it was always there? No, it has changed so much. Maybe an interesting thing would be to release some earlier versions.
It would be Yeah, I was about to ask you to give us an earlier version. Now, is there any earlier version? You can remember it?
Because you tons there are so many? Oh wow, there are so many. I had. I had like ten different verses and the bridge now is the first verse, But that was the bridge until the person that I finally produced it with, John Levigne, said hey, I think that should be the first person. I was like, but it's the bridge, Like, what are you talking about talking about? It sounded like my Boston.
I mean.
And then for it to become the anthem it became for cancer like it they just it just so happened to be right along my journey, and it was. I have had so many runs where I've had that song on repeat, and I've cried through my runs seeing where I was, how I got through it. I don't cry, but your friends, you know what, but your songs are so true and that was like that's when you know, like you can't even stop the tears because they ring so true for you. But like you had to have
been blown away when you were writing it. I couldn't have known that this would become the anthem. It became for so many people, not just cancer patients, but specifically cancer patients, anyone who was going through something really tough where they had to fight and find strength that they didn't know they had.
Yeah, it was it's pretty mind blowing what happened, and it's it's wild. It's so much bigger than me, you know. It's it's like it's just been such a journey, and I think part of the thing that I'm trying now to almost climb out from under it because it's so massive and people have made their decisions about who is that artist and who is the writer of it. They don't even know it's me. Some people think it's Taylor Swift or you know, Christina or Colby Perry Swift, everyone's
Kelly Clarkson. Everyone's like, it's not her, who's that? Or they think I'm just the writer, or they think I'm just the artist, and I'm like, no, no, no, I wrote this by myself. I performed it and produced it. But so I'm trying to climb out from under that a massive thing now. And that's why until maybe you see me, it's hard to change, to understand that there's more to it. People have really decided what I am
and what it is. So I think my job now is to just be as honest and truthful and authentic as I can, and hopefully people will open the curtain a little more and look behind and say, wait a second, who is there.
To that point that concert last night, you could have ended that concert before playing fight Song, and I'd have been just as happy as I didn't need that song to be satiated about an experience with Rachel Platt. And I think more people that get in front to get to see you live. Man, you forget about no offense, but you forget it. But you said it in a way last night fight Song. You said, people ask you all the time you ever get tired of performing it?
I know you do it constantly. You said, Hey, that song pay for my house. So I enjoyed that song. But it seems to take so much motion energy to belt that song out and to perform it. How do you get that? It seems like, oh it doesn't no, no.
It's a joy, okay, just like the easy I no, no, no, It's like it's like breathing. It's so easy for me and not to be like I'm so great. But it the way that I perform it now is with such like such wisdom. You know, I'm not the maiden anymore. I'm the mother, and I'm I'm kind of looking back with love at the little girl that felt that way that she needed to crawl and climb her way up. And we all have fights, you know, like we still
I have things that I want to reclaim. And you're right though the rest of my concert now tells that story already, So by the time you get there, you don't from a the Mattic point need I've already given you a different kind of encouragement that's almost deeper and more earned, because I've taken you to the dark and then let you come back to the light with me, and so you believe me more. And I'm really proud
that I'll always get to play that song. Maybe there's a day I don't need to close the concert with it, but yeah, no, I I love it. I love playing it. It doesn't take anything from me. It means so much to me to see people crying in the audience, like it's so beautiful, It's so beautiful, what's happened with it? So I'll never I'll never, I'll never look at it with anything but love and admiration and gratitude. But I do feel like it's so much bigger than me and not even mine.
But you're right, it is. It's joy that comes out.
But it's just it seems a lot of energy, I know, and it.
Was I can't remember the song last night, but people started in the audience were putting their arms around each other.
I also listen to that on repeat as well. I know a lot of people you said in the audience got that was their wedding song.
Yeah, which I totally get.
Is that?
Oh my god?
It's you know what's so beautiful about your music is it really is? The songwriting comes through, and your intention comes through, and the warmth and authenticity of your voice just it's so powerful, and so I see why people chose that for.
The wedding song. I'm like, oh my god, that is the perfect wedding song.
We should use that one.
We should, guys, what news being made here?
No, it's just it should be on the list that it should be an option perform.
Yeah, that should be like when you suppose we should have Rachel be there, surprise me and sing the song just forget anything you heard.
All a surprise.
That's cool.
Cool. Obviously the music you have now and this beautiful. You've got three new hits, but you're still creating an album. Correct, there's an album that's going done.
It's done, Yeah, yeah, yah, it's done.
When is that being released?
I'm not sure when this is coming out, or if I'll have announced it, I will not have announced it yet. So soon yes, yes, yes, soon soon than you might imagine.
Wow, that's very exciting.
What a dumb phrase?
I don't know, but tell me.
So, you're You've been very outspoken, and I know so many women are so grateful about your postpartum depression and your mental health struggles and just going through it, not just once, but the second time as well, because it doesn't always happen with every pregnancy. You unfortunately had a one two punch. Do you still have those really dark days?
Are you?
Are you pasted it? Are you through it? Give us a sense of where you are on that journey.
Yeah, that's so kind of you to ask. I am. I'm so proud to be through it. And I have worked so hard in therapy and in saving my own life in so many ways. I also, what I have not really talked publicly about is that after the post part partum I struggled with a two year chronic pain journey. And so I just have such deep empathy for the people now who come up to me and tell me their stories. I really I felt like I always had love for them, but now I just relate on such
a deeper level. My mom overcame cancer this year. I just feel like I've run the gamut all right, but I am through it, and I wouldn't be releasing the
music if I wasn't. I didn't feel ready. I wrote Bad Thoughts in twenty twenty, but I was not ready, and I was still suffering for a long time, and so it took me a while to be strong enough and kind of accepting enough of my journey and where i'd been that it wasn't retriggering the trauma, because that happened just a little bit when when I released Mercy in January, I had some like flare ups of chronic pain because it was a little bit retriggering until I
understood and worked on the fact that, like, no, I'm not back there. Just because I'm singing this doesn't mean I'm back there on the floor of my studio that night, sobbing and terrified. I'm going to look at this as a storytelling, you know, more of a place that I had been, and I'm going to relate to you with love. I'm going to relate with love to the Rachel that I was that day and I'm going to share the emotion from a place where I'm able to witness it
and embody it, if that makes sense. Have you guys ever done any inner child work?
Oh?
Yes, I've been in therapy quite a bit.
Idelchild.
Wait so you meet all your tjs. No, it's incredible, you.
Know, And it's unfortunately it takes these these moments where you are crippled in every way and you think help, I need help. I have to figure out why I'm here and how I got here exactly. So that's and that's a scary, vulnerable place to be. But when you can show it with other people, how how is there a way to describe how how bad it got, how low you got?
What was.
I really feel like if it had not been for the support system I had around me, and in particular my friend Gabby Bernstein, who I have not talked about this either, Dino Gabby.
I've read all of her books, I've listened to all of her audio books while I run she is.
I've not personally met.
Her, but I am a huge fan. As a friend, she single handedly lifted me out of because she had been through postpartum depression and we had both suffered at the same time with our first I had a second and I called her and I said, I'm feeling this again, and this is what's happening, and she I was resistant to medication. I was so scared the first time. I
didn't need an SSRI. I just was able to kind of stay in my little sort of wishy washy view of like Eastern medicine versus Western medicine, and I can heal myself naturally, and I'll go to get occupuncture and Chinese herbs, and I felt almost like a sense of pride, like oh, I don't need to actually and I just want to hold that girl with love because she was
hurting and she found a way to help herself. But I remember being so resistant and so terrified of like does this mean I'm actually crazy if I have to start Zoloft or adavan or trasdom. I have so many My nice sand became like a fucking like chemists corner. I was like, and I was cutting pills. I was like, who am I? What is this life?
Like?
How am I? I can't sleep without pills? This is so scary. And finally, Gabby, but before that happened, Gabby called me and was like Rachel, because I was like, Gab, yet, I haven't slept in seventy two hours. I can't even close my eyes without being terrified. Like I think I need to go to mental hospital. I don't know what's happening. She was like, Rachel, call your o beach Gyn right now,
get outa van, which is a Benzo. And like I've been on a I called them at a girls to gently like find a love of something that was gonna heal me when nothing else could. And so now my view of western medicine is like, oh, thank God, thank God, God made this too. God's to work through anything. God's gonna work through medicine or meditation whatever. Hell He's like, but but he's in this too. And so she told me,
go get out of it and take it tonight. I promise you will sleep, and then we need to get you on an SSRI and you need to get a psychiatrist, and you need to get serious about this because you will write like you. I don't know how dark it could have gotten if not for her and her getting through to me. So yeah, I think that not sleeping for seventy two hours was the most terrifying and scared I've ever been in my life, and it was horrible.
What is it about you that had you built in such a way. I mean your upbringing, maybe your your family or something that had you so against getting help.
Like you feel like my family, I'm from Boston, like I'm from Newton. They're so grounded and like I'm not. They're not in the LA world at all. We were. We always took medicine, and I don't know where the hell I think it's LA, Like I think something in the every girl goes through her like crystal phase, and I'm really someone that's just really eager and excited to
like like ump jump on board with something. Even to this day, like you're like, oh my god, I'm like, oh yes, I get even more excited and I'm excitable, and I'm like you can convince me of things pretty easily.
Yea, Oh my god.
I'm just like really like yeah, I love that idea too. And so when I moved to LA that's like around when was that like ten years ago? I don't know. I feel like a lot of women in my age mid thirties, we were all kind of like holding our crystals really tight and like cleaning them in the new moon, and I don't know what we're doing, and I no offense. If that's working for you, that's so beautiful and like, bless you because good whatever makes you feel peace is amazing.
And who can judge each other right now? But for me, it wasn't enough when it really when it really hit the you know, and I don't know where the idea came from. I also am a yogi, like a very serious yogi. I love yoga. I was doing it every day. I was very into meditation. I still am, but now my practices have become much more grounded and they can't be like, you know, very very like okay, now we're gonna channel in our guides like I can't do that
anymore because I'll lose my mind. So I probably could now, but it would make me dissociate, which is a terrifying thing if you've never experienced it. And so now mine need to be very grounded. And a new friend of mine is Elizabeth Gilbert. Do you guys, yes, love her?
You pray love. I mean, she's incredible, He's amazing.
I don't roll in these circles.
Pray love, you know you pray.
You invite me to a brunch or something.
It's a very like White Lady. No, not just White Lady, it's a very like it probably is. But she has a community right now called the love Lets. She's doing this dear love letter thing on substack. It is incredible. It's basically God writing to you, and hundreds of thousands of people are sharing letters that God writes to them every day and being so sacred and held by each other.
It's amazing. I had posted one on Instagram and just was like, she did not ask me to do this, but I'm sharing mine And I got a message from her being like Rachel and I lost it because I'm such a fan and I love her so much and she asked me to do one for her. But anyway, why I digress is that she recommended to me this breath work. She's similar to me. You might think that she's like Crystal Lady, but she's actually pretty grounded and
can't deal with yoga voice that she calls it. And it's like, okay, yeah, But she told me she founded this breathwork coach on insight timer and he just has a southern youtue insight timer.
I do, and my jam that is okay, now finally we got something. We're good. We'll do our own brunch.
I'm also from Boston. I'm like also a sports girl.
Meditation was yes, Oh my goodness, yes, inside timer he told me about it.
I downloaded because of teaching.
But the ones you speak of that where they are doing those I don't want to knock anybody else who does that, agreed, But for me it's just stuck camp.
I used to do.
That and it was wonderful for me. But after having a major mental health crisis, they don't they aren't grounding enough and they can like take me off into the ethers. And so now mean to be very grounded. I'll send you my guy that I like.
I like Rachel Blondin, you know her, Sarah Blondy, Sarah, I love you.
I'm listening. Have you done that one?
I haven't done the health court. Okay.
That literally healed me loving myself. It was so grounded and simple, this radical act of saying to yourself I love you and listening.
Over and over.
She has some surrender a lot of things.
But anyway, this guy Taylor, it's like southern and he's like, I'm like, I have to get this point out somewhere of the sky tailors.
Like, please just say it.
I think it's Taylor Somerville and he has these meditations on inside timer and they're like all right, y'all, now just take a deep breath in one, two, three, And I'm.
Like, yes, we're Southern, so we like that.
Yes, that's amazing, Rachel. Can I ask you how your husband has been throughout all of this?
Oh, you mean with my battles with my mental health are just all of the ride of.
The ride the right?
I mean, look, you know, I'm always amazed when we were looking to see you all have been married for.
Fourteen two years now, I.
Mean I applaud that, like just like it's incredible. Yeah, what how has he handled all of this? He is such a quirky, funny guy. He's just everything is funny to him. Everything's he's just like full of jokes.
I think in our marriage vows, I was like, I vow to love you and listen to your many many jokes. And he's just a funny, sarcastic Jewish guy from Miami who is like very rounded, very logical, very brilliant. He went to law school, in business school. He's so logical, left brain. We balance each other perfectly. He's my he's the into my I'm like I need him and he just makes me laugh all the time and he doesn't
let me take anything seriously. So when all of this happened, he just was cracking up and he was just like behind the scenes, like, let's get that Britney money, baby, And I was like, what are you talking about, Kevin, He actually saw Britney spears in an event, and he like like, oh, I can't actually say what he does, but he's just so he's just he's never let me. He's also very grounding and like he's always making fun
of me constantly. So if I had like ridiculous outfits on like today, I told you, he was like, I'm wearing, by the way, for anyone listening, I'm wearing a jumpsuit. It's a fashionable jumpsuits, it is, and I'm wearing a fashionable hat. But my husband told me this morning, baby, make sure you get those high windows instead of like a window washer.
Right, you were describing TJ to me, Oh, I know they'd like each other constantly.
Making fun of me. Yeah, obviously, I think it's hilarious exactly, And so.
It worked exactly. I need to be made fun of. You couldn't, Kevin said. Kevin says, without him, I'd be unbearable.
Oh well, we were friends for like eight years and all he did was make.
Fun of me. It's just what you need, right, yes, because for us, like ye, taker's also seriously, please No, it.
Just wasn't long ago you would dress like something. And I said, I know. He was, oh yeah, oh yeah, we came in here, they sawry Rachel. She came in and she wow, look forward to that horse to ride and lesson.
Yet I mean because I had fashion.
Yes, yes, high boots are in and like made a little a.
Real Rachel Blatten Twitter when everything started happening, and like it was him running it, and there was a lot of people following it, not like maybe a couple thousand, and he would just post pictures of like embarrassing things, and like he posted me with three donkeys and he was like four asses for me, like in a ski lift of my legs up and he's like, Rachel platting skiing like an asshole.
Oh my god. He just sent me pictures of myself that he took.
But I didn't know from the weekend where I look like an idiot, and just for no reason, this morning he sent me eight pictures where I look like an absolute war.
Do you want to tell Rachel what you were doing in those, Rachel, Rachel, go ahead, tell her tell me, Rachel. She was changing her pants in the parking lot.
Of a trail.
Head of a trail, do the same thing, but the door was open. She's in the driver's seat and just just draws out and open just me.
We are so compact to go.
And then he's taking pictures of me.
I turned the volleme off on my phone so she can hear going.
And then he waited a few days, and then today this morning, he just decided to send all of them to me.
You're gonna be Kevin told me that I actually can't get any more famous because of how inappropriate I am and how like antisocial my behavior is on the street. He's like, you can't just pick your nose if you're like very famous.
I can't ask you this, how many if if we if the text messages between you and your husband became public, how much trouble would you be in.
I think that it's mostly me bossing him around, being like did you do this? Did you get the kids? And then him making fun of me? And I don't know.
I don't know, because we'd be in trouble. Well, you gotta have someone in your life that if you have text messages between the two of you, do you mean would inappropriately?
We can't the country Sorry, peaches and eggplant lots.
Of I wasn't even thinking that.
We're just we just say all the things you can't say to anyone else to each other. When you have that person, judgment free like right, and even if you're judging each other, that's okay as long as you know.
I feel permission to just be my real self with Deven, and I thank God for that because in a time that was very confusing when I didn't know who I was, he always did.
That's that's really cool.
I think that's really the key to having that relationship last, because you trust each other. And it sounds like you guys are like really good friends.
Your best friend is my best friend.
Yeah, I love that. Yeah.
So many people love your fight song as this inspiration. She runs to it all the time. I absolutely have run to it before, and I think it's that so many people have songs that get them going. What is your song? What is your go to? If you're not listening to that, you need some inspiration to pick me up, a good workout, whatever it may be.
Well, oh my god, do you guys like gospel music by any chance?
Like it? Don't listen to a lot of it, but I.
Love it and I love Kirk Franklin. And I listened to a song called Brighter Day and that one gets me going no matter what. It is so affirming and joyful and like, yeah, man, I love gospel music so much. And I met Kirk at super Bowl Super Soul Sunday. I think I was the only white person. Maybe there was like five white people. I was terrified. I was on stage about to perform with.
You didn't dance right?
Oh thank god? Noess, And they were just they were so massively talented Mary Mary went before Franklin. They're all like legends. In my eyes. I'm just in awe and I'm on stage, like, oh my god, this audience is gonna hate me. But I start singing Mercy and they were with me. I had them and they loved it, and I felt Yeah, I.
Just felt cool. I finally felt cool.
I felt so well, just like so proud, you know, and Kirk was like wow, and we became friends and so it's cool to meet your heroes.
I love Kirk. I've been I've known him for a long time as well, out of Atlanta. If you go look up now. As crazy as this sounds, if you go listen, you remember his song Smile. Of course, look at that video you will see me in it. Oh my god, I'm in the Kirk Franklin Smile video. Care is low and cropt, but he had all of us come in and sing versions. And there's a clip of me. Yes, Kirk Franklin sick. Yes, I love that, bro. I did not know ye how it all comes together as well.
You never thought you'd be talking about.
So much Ingram. Should we be friends? Forget about any you know, well, I don't know if we can be.
Our producer sent me video of you dancing in a video, so they just sent it. So it's not it's not it's not what you described, Rachel, is not what you described.
I guarantee Rachel too.
I know Rachel. I guarantee that you're a better dancer than me.
It's so it's it's not bad now, it's different. Okay, here's this is wildest.
Thing is different?
Well no, no, no, no, no no no, that's not what I meant. No stop stop. What I meant was I can't imagine. We were so shocked when you said they tried to have you dancing on stage, because if anyone went to that concert last night, I couldn't imagine that person trying to be some pop star and dance and it just seems out of your comforts. And not to say you were bad at it at all, but you were just such an artist last night.
It was so cool to watch man, Thank you.
It was so cool to watch.
Your piano skills are incudib so good, so good.
I worked I like since listening to gospel and I just kind of I just up to my cords. I just started to understand, like, wait a second, if this is what I like an Americana and like roots and soul, I I better learn to play like this so I can write one of these. So that was what I did over the pandemic? Was I love that?
So you you just had a birthday, you turned forty three. How do you feel a woman in your forties now? Like for so many women are afraid of getting older. They're afraid of aging, they're afraid of becoming or losing.
Their their youth.
I love that.
How has it been for you? You know?
I spiritually absolutely love getting older. I think it is the most incredible thing. I would never go back to my twenties now are my thirties? Ever? You couldn't pay me enough to be to not know who I am again and to be thinking I needed to look outside for approval and for saving, you know. But that being said, so that's my inside, and then outside there's vanity. Of course,
you know, it's harder. And I did make the decision when I had my babies that I was going to stop getting botox and fillers and stuff, because I was like, I want my girls to be able to see what aging looks like and not feel like they have to be this thing that they're going to see everywhere on TikTok and Instagram that they don't even know what like
forty three should look like anymore. And I so sometimes, of course, I'll like, you know, look in the mirror and be like, man, she looks old and tired, but which like a little bit of botox could so easily fix. But when I connect with what my real you know what my intention is. It's really to be as authentic and who and natural as I can. And that is no shade to anyone because I did it for years.
I got botox for so long, and I understand the pressure, but I especially want to reach like young girls who think that they need to do preventative stuff like that is a lie. First of all, they are lying to you. I did that when I was twenty nine because someone told me I should preventively. It made my wrinkles worse. I just want people to know that is not the thing. That is not a thing. Stop. And I love my face. I love the lines that I've earned, and I love
you know, I'm proud of it. So but there are times, of course, you know, when I'm looking at the music video screen, I feel a little like, oh man.
It's it's tough.
And the pressure now because you're seeing like teenagers getting getting oh yeah, the lips and all of that.
Oh and lips. I'm so sorry. I just think that we're too old to understand.
Maybe I don't understand either, but yeah, no, and as your girls get older, it is true, it's a constant conversation because you want them to feel good enough, you know, and.
See their mom and say, ye, my mom loved herself enough that, like, you know, my mom always did that. My mom is so beautiful and she never did anything to her face and was always adamant. And I also understand that this is a pretty privilege, Like I happen to be a pretty woman, and so it's probably easier for me to make that decision. And so that's something that I recognize, and that isn't fair and it's you know, but at the same time, I'm only deal with the face and the body that I have.
So I'm have you stopped all that stuff now, you won't do anything what's your upkeeper maintenance or routine or what.
Is the well I will still work really hard, Like I'm still vain and I tried wanted to be you know, in any way not natural. So look, this is also an income thing. Income. I have a lot of money to spend on facials and a lot of money to spend on products, and that's not what everyone can do. So I also recognize that in a way, how I'm if I really wanted to like represent the public, then
I wouldn't use all these expensive products. But I'm just doing what I can, you know, and I have expensive products. I get expensive facials, I get micro dem abration, and I get I do the things. I do what I can.
But forgive me, I feel weird now after asking me like questions, you're a regiment because I am. Okay, stay with let me try to figure this out there mode.
Oh yeah, it's like should I do it?
It's like it's like the lights Like no, it's like they it's like the heat stuff that they put into it hurts a lot, but I try. I don't do fillers at all because I don't want to do that either.
I just thank God.
But I do do botox.
I do do botox, but I do not do fillers. But I do like the vampire facial thing where they're taking your own blood and put it back in.
Trying to do these things on that I don't want to try that. Yeah, that I got it. I'm way behind.
Okay, well I'm also ten years old.
What about razor? What's the thing this thing?
Oh?
I did microblading. I've made my eyebrows.
Oh that is so smart. Instead of being a dumb dumb and drawing him in every day I.
Know those are the things I want to do.
I have, like a lot of freckles from the sun though.
Is great, it's just there. Yes, they're beautiful. Oh my gosh, you are like my daughter. It's crazy, right, ickles. Well, she's got these beautiful freckles.
She embraces them and loves them, and I think they're gorgeous on YouTube.
But I think that I'm lying because there are times I'm like, oh my lord, I look like an eighty year old with all my the age spots and freckles. But whatever, I feel like i'm getting into, like superficial. But I feel like, here's the thing. What is inside of me is so clear to me now, like what i'm herefore that I'm loved by God, by myself, by my girls, Like I know what matters. And so when I get quiet and do my breath work on the inside, timer I love myself so deeply and because of who
I am inside, not the outside. And when I feel that way, then I look in the mirror and love who I see there too, regardless of if she's tight or tone in her skinny or whatever, like I love her. But if I haven't up kept my inside, then I start criticizing the outside. So whenever I start getting a little too critical of how I look, I know it's time to do some soul work.
That's really cool, man, that's good advice.
Wow. Yeah, myself.
But it's beautiful to be able to find a way to compliment yourself and to appreciate the work you've done, recognize it, and own it.
And that is a part of your confidence. That is well.
It's been a pleasure getting to know you through your music more over the past week or so as we were getting ready for the concert, and I can't say it enough. I know the big arenas are great, but if somebody, if I hear you're going to be at MSG, that's one thing. If I hear you had another venue like the one we saw last night, or at a small bar, or in a lounge or something that is where you should be enjoyed, you are just ridiculous on stage. Somebody standa give them a mic and a piano. Give
my mic and a guitar. That I have no greater respects, sister, It is a pleasure. And I will tell you when you came out, she was so excited last night, But when you first came out, on stage, she leaned over to me.
Ah, she's so cute.
I swear to it was exactly what she said to me. So please know this one here has been raving way about Amy.
I think she's adorable and beautiful and wonderful and charismatic and TJ you are delightful as well, handsome and dashing and fit.
As an aside, yes, yes, before we went in, you remember the girl. She's treating me like the woman last night. You remember we were sitting a weird cousin. Well, I hope not. But before we came into your count we had a drink. I had margarita around the corner before we came to church. Of course we drink. But a woman came up and was the woman that said to you, oh my god, it's so great. I loved your book.
Everything is so great. And she just looked over at me and said whatever, okay, And we did know this is a true story, okay, And she just kept talking the robes and it.
Was sweet and said you're.
Great and that she kept going and said it again at the end, you know, and did this And I never said anythings to the woman.
It was it was crazy.
And unnecessary, but that's deeply unnecessary. But you triggered me just then by saying to Ja, we can be a friend as an aside, so that's all.
Sorry.
It was funny, we were we actually laughed because you're wonderful.
No, no, eazy. But it made me think about that woman and then.
And then she was at your concert by the way.
He was like, look, it's the woman.
My cousin.
I think she thought she was being funny, but it was actually really disrespectful and rude.
And the people are like they think that, They're like, yeah, people just don't always know what to do. They get nervous, they get really intimidated. You're you know, you're like a tall, good looking man.
They're probably like, I am the sweetest but but.
All right, I have to go. I love you guys, So we love you.
We love you, We love you, and thank you for coming. It's such a pleasure. We cannot wait for the album announcement. We will be waiting on the edge of our seats and I will.
Be honestly, it was so such a joy.
Thank you. Rachel Platton