My Nest is Empty

Amy Robach gave birth to her youngest daughter, Analyse, on May tenth, two thousand and six. Now this month, August of twenty twenty four, Amy Robach is going to drive that same baby, now eighteen years old, to the airport, put that baby on a plane, and send that baby off to college in Europe. And at that point, it's likely Robock will experience what millions of parents experience every single year, feelings of loneliness, anxiety, depression. It's something called

I only lived alone for ten months and it was when I was twenty two years old. That is the last time I have lived alone.

Wait, in life, your entire life only lived by yourself.

At twenty, when I went to my first job at WCBD TV two Action News. I moved into my sad little apartment on Palmetto Boulevard, and I had ten months until Analisa's dad moved in while we were engaged before we got married.

Wow, ten months to think. Okay, so let's let's talk to everybody about what we're talking about here. That Yes, your daughter, who is sitting in studio with us now and Alicia, baby eighteen, is about to go to college and it's a very texciting time for her, but for you and a bunch of other parents, this is a very difficult time of transition. And even though empty nest syndrome we were saying is not a clinical diagnosed.

It's not a medical diet, yes, but.

It's a real thing, a phenomenon.

We should call it, yes, And I think I have been scared about it for the last year. Yeah, I've been nervous, like letting go.

What are you nervous about? I'm asking that genuinely.

And they do say that women are disproportionately affected than men, But I think.

They say we're not emotionally prepared. We're just we're not emotionally mature enough to handle it.

I think, especially with the trajectory of my life. And the one thing that's stayed the same, the one thing that's never wavered, is my relationship with my children.

Like I have never.

All the ins and outs and ups and downs with life, that love was the one constant in my life that never changed.

And so it's not going to change. But the location, the logistics, that is what's going to change. And that is hard to let go of.

Because your purpose, of course is to live a full and exciting life.

But a big part of that purpose.

When you're a mom is making sure your kids are okay and making sure they have what they need and that they you know, when you have to let them just.

Go off in the world. You have to let go. And that's hard.

And I'll be fine and I'll get there, but I have been I have not been looking forward to this.

Well, if it's any relief, the statistics show you'll get over it really soon.

Because I laugh because I was looking at that too. They said sometimes it takes a couple of weeks. Yep, in some cases it does take a couple months. My mom will tell you it took her about two years. She really has been honest about that. But hilariously.

I saw on the flip side, some parents report feeling relief.

And then guilt because they feel relieved. But there's a whole new way of operating when you don't have to worry or think about or just be constantly monitoring your children. All of a sudden, you have all this time back mentally, physically, logistically, and it can be great, but it's a big change.

You h you talked about all the sad stuff, and then you listed all these things that sound like you're looking forward to later.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm just laughing that I saw some people immediately feel really.

And others don't. But look, everybody listening here. You've if you've listened to at least two of these previous episodes, you've heard Analyst's name because we're constantly talking about the girls. Analyst, Eva and Sabine there are always here and by our side. But Analyse is actually in the studio with us, now, only a couple of days away from getting on a

I mean there's been a lot of chairs already, eight months, in the past few weeks, in the past few days. But I mean, I'm sad, definitely, but I'm not I'm not crying as much because I think I'll cry when I get there. I'm excited. I don't know, but I'm sad for you, but I think you'll have a good time.

We'll see. And I don't want to put the guilt of that on you, because I was telling you my mom was a wreck when I went to school, and I remember being.

You're still going to be a wreck.

Of course I am, And I'm not hiding it very well at all. I remember being mad at her for not hiding it better because I didn't want to feel guilty about leaving her, and I thought, I'm never going to do that, And here I am doing it, and it's not like anyone's doing it to someone. It's just it's a sign of love and it's a part of the process, you know, And for me, I come by it naturally obviously, like this was my mom. My grandmother

Feel any guilt. You are any way. You want to comfort your mom out of what we've seen in over the past couple of weeks. Do you feel that at all?

I don't feel guilty. Good, But yeah, I don't. I don't. But because I'm excited for you. I think this is in a chapter and I think it will be fun. You have many things to look forward to.

That's very sweet. What are you most excited about, m.

I'd definitely say new experiences, new friends. I love all my friends, don't get me wrong, but I think just like new characters in my life, and especially in Boulder, hiking, skiing, all the outdoor activities. Living in New York, you don't really do that as much, so that will be exciting. Classes picking my own classes is very fun. Never done that.

Yeah, you get some you get some autonomy. We were talking we took the train up the w train up here, and we were saying, I was saying to you, this is going to be the like you've had a few tastes of freedom, but you're gonna act actually have this moment where you think, oh my god, Yeah, I can get up when I want to, I can go to bed when I want to, I can stay out as late as I want. I can do and eat and

No, yeah, this is it.

You know, and we can you. I'll let you tell everybody you're you're going to be enrolled. You are in rolled now at University of Colorado at Boulder, but you get to spend your first semester elsewhere. I'll let you tell what's about to happen.

Yeah, I'm going to Spain for my first semester, which will definitely be a culture shock for me. I've spent some time in Europe, so hopefully it won't be too scary. But that's yeah, that's only for September to December, so don't be there for that long. But that will be a fun little transition to my first semester in college and then I go to Boulder.

And you say you were feeling a little bit of anxiety because although it's super cool to get to go to Seville or Sabilla, however you want to say it, in Spain, you'll basically be going to Boulder in this spring semester, and you were a little concerned that maybe you'll be catching up or they'll be clicks already formed. So there's some anxiety. Like you're always anticipating, you know,

Sometimes I'm trying to focus on the present right now and not the future because I will technically be a transfer student even though I'm enrolled. But like people will look at me as like, oh, she's coming and she hated her school first semester, Like until I explain it, I don't know. I just feel like, I mean, I haven't really been the new kid that many times, but I've seen all the movies, you know, all the TV shows, and it always looks like the worst thing ever to

Yeah, that's me. We talked about even the last podcast.

Yeah to me, why Boulder? Can you explain it?

It?

Golda became the hot school when everybody was looking why, Yeah, it was.

It was incredibly random. I wasn't even going to apply. I applied to like eight other schools and all of them I mainly got into. And I was like, don't want to go. And I got into Boulder and this like weird program didn't even get any money. Like it was. It was very random. Not probably the best school for me to go to logistically, but I saw it and I was like, I have to go. I felt a poll and I couldn't explain it. I couldn't tell you why, but I just knew.

And it was really nobody was a ton of your friends and everybody seemed to think that was.

The Yeah, it never was. It never was at school, which is so weird, Like it kind of was a kind of a I don't know. It wasn't the most popular school, at least in New York. I don't know, it just happened.

And I know the skiing and the hiking, and and your degree also plays a role in that as well. Where you wanted to go. And then we were wondering if the Dione Sanders effect had some sort of impact on people thinking suddenly the Boulder was school because their football program has been in the national Yeah, I think so. I mean, I know you're excited about football season when you get their next ball.

Yeah. I was planning on joining the team.

Football.

But you have our word that we will be showing up for a football game yes or two. Why did you want to go so far away from mom? Like, you know, I tried so hard to get you to stay on the East Coast. I even was trying to pitch University of Georgia, where a family is, and you wanted nothing to do with it. You you only applied to one school on the East Coast.

And isay.

She was.

Yeah, she never left and she probably never will.

Yeah, well, it had nothing to do with you, obviously. I don't know. I wanted to change. I felt like it was just right for me. There wasn't really that much behind it, but I was kind of like why not. I know, I want to live in New York when I'm older, in my twenties, so it's like, why not change it up for four years?

But specifically you did. I'm not getting away from Mom, but you wanted to get kind of away from New York and the Northeast. That was a part of distance from this place.

Oh wow, And that's bold because you want to see something else, you want to see something new. And for those of us who weren't raised in New York, I always appreciate people who do have the wherewithal to experience other parts of either this country or the world, because New York is truly a bubble and when you meet folks and we know a lot of them who were born and raised here and never left, there is a mindset.

Across the state. I don't know the mileage, but yeah, stay.

In state state for very much. Do you think you're going to be homesick?

I think a little bit, yes, But I also you didn't have phones or FaceTime.

That's true.

There's a big difference as to where, like I can see your faces, I can see our dog's face.

Who or what will you miss the most?

Oh?

I was thinking she was going to say Brody the dog or not. Well, I mean, just be honest. You can't say and your sister your sister too?

Yeah?

Yeah, Is there is there something about New York that you will miss? Forget the people the most?

Mmm, I'd say walking on my own. I feel like I'm not going to be doing a lot of that, even in Spain. I think it's going to be like walking in groups to classes, just because I think they're probably pretty protective of these eighteen year olds just being dropped off in Europe. So I think that sense of freedom.

You're going to miss your alone time. Yes, you like alone time.

I do like alone time.

I sent TJ picture. He's like, what's analyst doing? And I sent him a picture of your door closed? And I said, per usual, she's in her room. I thought you might say asuka sushi.

Oh, I do love a suka. I'm going to miss like Chipotle, Chick fil A, Keynes, all the good ones.

How about this? What is the thing you think will be maybe even the day. I don't know how you're gonna set up your room and everything when you get over there. But what's the thing you think you would see in your room often or that will remind you of home and make you a little sad.

Well, I'm bringing a bulletin board. I don't really have a lot of photos printed out. The I brought really strange photos like it's I don't even know if it's gonna remind me of good times because I don't have any printed.

We can stop by Dwayne Reid tomorrow and print some photos for you.

Yeah, photoed don't They're like really random, very strange.

I gave you a photo of us to take with you.

Yes, I have that, you have the wind, you have that, and I have a few like friendom decor that I took off my walls to bring.

Uh so, I wait, are you gonna bring your baby blanket? Here's a little fun fact about Anally's. She never goes anywhere without her Gigi overnight typically. I mean, I think you've done some sleepovers without it recently. I didn't bring it. But what kind of shape is it in? And are you bringing it?

It almost looks like a sleeping bag. I wonder if people can relate to that. I used to sleep in it.

It's very small too.

It's very small, incredibly small. So I don't really bring up that many places.

It's in her room, trust me.

Here's the funny thing.

She actually had an original, beautiful baby blanket with her name embroidered. I think one of my friends gave it to you from Pottery Barn Kids or something. And then you got carsick and we had to throw the blanket out and desperation because you were like gig you just that's what you called it. We had to stop by a Coles and get a random you know, just pink and white with clouds on it, and that is still the blanket.

You have no idea.

I think Eva made it up.

I don't know brand.

So many parents are dealing with this, and if they haven't already, they will soon enough. This is the day that so many of us dread. And then we don't know what to do, because yes, we're trying to give you your freedom and let you have your independence. But I have some questions for you, like genuine questions about what you want, what you need from me while you're at school. How often should I check in with you?

Really?

I think I think parents want to know what the right call is.

But we won't know, will we?

Like?

So she gets this, she might miss mama. We might want to give mama some suspence.

She can always call me. My question is you can always text me? You can always call me? You know that? How often should I be texting you daily? Weekly?

Not daily?

Okay? Once twice a week, three times a week, week, twice a week, okay, that's fair.

I wish you would have asked me these questions.

No, what No. The next one is how should I check in FaceTime? Text or call? So a text? Is it okay to FaceTime?

Yeah? Text me first?

Text you.

You never know what I'm going to be doing. There's also a time difference.

Oh yeah, that's true.

That sounds a little ominous. You never know where I'm going to be, Like, what the what are your plans?

Still? I don't know?

All right, Okay, twice a week and I text you first. Okay, I can handle that, and then you can call me anytime.

Hmm.

Okay, And that's probably a general letter. I think that's a good thing to do, Okay. And I have been people been giving you advice, like telling you what you can expect or what you should do, like and if so, what's the best advice you've received?

I honestly have not. I haven't really received advice from a lot of college students, more like adults. Best advice I've received definitely to not overthank it too much. I feel like I've I've been thinking about it a lot, not in a good way. I think I just kind of need to show up, see how it is and figure it out. Like that's like our life motto. Ever since your kids like, you'll get there, you'll figure it out, And I think that's that's how I'm gonna do it. It's perfect way to go.

You rob, you have any learns about her readiness, I'd say that, and that a lot of parents might understand this that I actually didn't. I didn't fly for the first time until I was a senior in college. And you have kids who have traveled all over the world and buy themselves in a lot of situations. So you might not have the readiness issue. But do you haven't you so?

So yes, And I do think that is something to point out. I kind of always made it a point to I didn't spoil my kids with things. You guys didn't have a lot of material things. I wasn't buying you lots of clothes or any of those things. But what I did do is I went went hard on the experience and so and you all did a lot of travel on your own. You did service trips, and you went and without me and for weeks at a time. So I do feel like you're good at that independence.

Okay, so you're saying I can be cocky.

No, it's just no, it's no. And that may sound like that to you. That's not what I meant.

I meant that, I'm sorry.

Well, there's there's a there's a sense and it's not it's not anything that that you are doing wrong. It's just that you can't know what's out there. You can't know what could be out there. So my big I'm always about I don't want you to be alone. I always want you to have a buddy. Those are things, those are the things I worry about your safety more than that.

Of course, well I will have a buddy. That's why I said I was going to miss being alone. Yeah, I don't. I don't want to put myself in a situation where I wouldn't want to be doesn't sound like fun. So I mean, I'm going to try my best. I mean, I will say, your point goes both ways, so like, I do know what's out there, but I also could be too smart about that, So yes, I will. I will keep an extry out be aware.

I never got that since in all the time that she was ever had the feeling of Oh I got the are you just worried about it or you see something.

Oh no, I'm just worried about it. I don't You're You're not like that. Yeah, but she is the one that people, even her older sister would lean on for navigation logistics, Who has the tickets? What gator are we at? You have always been that person who has all of that together, and that is I do know that you're You're very good with that. So I do appreciate that, and that'll take you a long way when yeah, people probably will be leaning on you.

Yeah. And except for the time I lost I forgot my passport at home and we had to drive all the way back and I just switched our flights. Remember that, Oh.

How could I forget? Yes? And yep, and you ended up right next to the bathrooms at the back of the plane.

That was great. Yeah, the next day.

My tip was I don't know if y'all did it that morning, but my tip to folks who are flying internationally. I have literally done this the night before. I will take my physical passport and sit it at the front door to where you care. It's impossible to forget it. You can do anything as long as you have your passport.

That's true, you need your passport and you need some form of financial support. But I know that this has been a really tough two years and you have come a long way, and I've been so proud of you and impressed by you and how you've handled all. You have been by my side through the whole thing. Was you see with me the last two years going through a lot of this together. Ava was with us too, but she was in her own place in MoU so it was a little bit of a distance from some

I would definitely say not to dwell on the past. That would be my big thing. Things happened for a reason and might not be for a good reason, but eventually it all works out. And I think that also really applies to college. There's so many things that's going to happen to me and I just kind of have to keep going.

Yeah, you have to let go of control because you never really had it anyway. Yeah, and then when you learn that, you're like, Okay, now what do I do with this? I have to I have to kind of surrender.

Right myself and keep going.

That's know who you are, and tomorrow's a new day, exactly right.

Yeah.

I love the that's called resilience and that's and that's I mean, those are hard lessons to learn, but they're ones you'll never forget. Yeah, tell me about your classes. Well, you said you got to pick your own classes. I think I know what they are, but why don't you tell us what the classes are?

I have an intro to psych, which I've never done. That's not my intended major either, but I think that would be interesting. I have a business and Entrepreneurship class, which I want a major in marketing, so that should help. I have a writing seminar, an intermediate Spanish one, which is like the second best Spanish class, which I'm quite worried about. I hope that goes well. And I have I don't know what my last one is.

I clearly forgot the spanh you're proficient? Is it fair to say you're proficient in Spanish?

I understand better than I can speak it?

Is there any will you have the option? I don't think I've asked you this. Do you have the option to extend your studies in Spain?

I could, yeah, but I don't want to ask.

What happens over there?

Yeah? What happens? It really stays over there.

Oh my goodness. And so we had we actually this I think helped a lot. I was impressed because when we went to college, unless you had a roommate or someone who you were bringing with you, or you could connect with from your high school going to college, which is what I did, you kind of it was the luck of the draw. Whatever roommate you got, you got.

It's it's very interesting. Almost every single person I know who are going to all different schools have this like group chat. Somehow everyone just finds each other. I got added to it randomly. I don't know how it was made. I don't know how you found each other or got their snapchats. But there's a huge group chat. And then you go out to dinner and like everyone meets each other and there's really random just like thirty girls in this group. It's it's so weird. I think it's really strange.

That takes a lot of the stress away when you've ordered, Like and we.

Would have stayed closer if I hadn't had that, because I would have been nervous, worried. Really yeah, well, I.

Don't know, or you would have been sure that you went somewhere where you knew was going, where your friend was going. I mean, that's that's so much of it, because it's all so new and different. So not to have anyone you know, something that's very scary. So yeah, we get to meet your roommate Jenna and her mom, and that that every time you've met her twice now, and that makes you feel a lot calmer and better. Like,

No other moms are going. I don't think anyone's family is going. It's because it's it's such a quick semester. It's it's only three and a half months. It's very quick. If it was a full year, yes, but for Boulder.

For Boulder, I'll help move you in so and so I'll go through the process again, all over.

Over again, and then next year you can do the same thing.

Well I'll be good by then I will have gotten used to it. But yeah, I think it'll be interesting to kind of just say bye. And and that's a weird thing seeing other people's parents pack up the door. Even with Ava going to n y U, I still drove a car over and helped her up in her norm So to not help you set up your room feels very very strange to me.

We gotta do this twice. Yeah, but by the time you get over the empty nest syndrome, once she's settled in Spain and you're good and you find your joy and your freedom, she's gonna come back Christmas baby really tight, and then you gotta take her back out to yeah, and then do the whole thing again.

I do.

I all know of that.

That's tough and yeah, and I was also thinking, like we've had to get all this stuff that you're gonna be getting in Spain, Like what do you do? Just like toss it.

It's a whole new thing.

I don't even know to drive it back Like great for the next persons not have to buy all new things to go to Boulder. But it's fine. It's a five below.

That's a thing there.

Five below that was your favorite favorite favorite store growing up.

And I loved it too, because everything is five dollars.

I take my sisters now for their birthday Christmas. I'm like, guys, five below trip, let's go, and they're so excited.

Who else do you have? Isn't it more than don't you have several people you know going to Bolder?

Yeah they're not, I mean, not as close as I am with Neve, But yeah, I do know quite a few people. I'd say like ten, just from all parts of life. Like those service trips. Were talking about three of those people who I am that on one trip in twenty twenty two are all going to Boulder. So random, so weird, and I haven't talked to them in like two years and they're going there.

So wow. And again the power of social media that you could stay connected and know that you all are going to go there. Yeah, what are you most looking forward to? Like when you get to Boulder? Hm?

I really want to hike?

That is so funny.

Well yeah, and oh no, no, no, no skiing over hiking. Hiking's more accessible for me. Skiing means like I have to go and rent skis into the whole thing.

But it is funny. I mean, I will say this, I'll brag on you a little bit because you were just twelve years old when you summitted Killemanjarro and it was remarkable because you were throwing up. I probably could have gotten me. I don't know know. I was wondering if I was the worst parent in the world or this was a good motivating experience for you. But you

Oh, he dragged me basically, but but you walked.

It was your feet that got you up. And I and I've seen you've done the You've done the Andes Mountains. You got up to like fifteen thousand feet there. So you and you hated it every step of the way, and and you complained every step of the way, which I understand. You were a kid. So it's so funny the kid who I I did force you, I did push you now says you like hiking. What what was the change?

Like?

How did you go from hating it and not honestly like hating me for it and saying, now I hate hiking because you made me do it. What was the change where suddenly you're like, I like this, Well, I love it.

I think I securely liked it all along. It's just you want to hate things that your mom makes you do. That's that's just a guarantee. I don't know. I I being at the top is just that's an unmatched failing. So I kind of just relished in that. We also haven't hiked in a while, and so I do kind of miss it because it really did take up a lot of our time. Like we would go upstate and we'd hike up, or we'd go up and down our driveway what like.

The entire day with fortys yes, and ever.

We did that every single weekend.

Because you had to train. There's no way you can walk up.

It's weird to not have that because it was so it was a part of your life. It really was. So I'm excited and also Colorado, like, you can't not like hiking in those mountains. It's so pretty.

What age were you carrying them the packs?

Oh eleven, yeah, forty pound packs because to go up Mount Baker, to go up a glacier like that, and we were we actually camped on the glacier. Oh yeah, yes, and we had crampons and anyway you have to carry. Basically you have to carry possible you have to have a pick axe. You have your crampons, but you also have to have clothing for any possible weather. When you're up that high on a mountain, when you're doing serious hiking, you have to have rain, your warmth, you have to

Because it was really rough. It was rough.

It was tough, but like you said, if you when you get to the top, it's an unmatched feeling and the only reason why it's an unmatched feeling is because it was so hard. If it was easy. I remember I told you guys this. I don't know if you appreciated it, but I wanted you to feel what it was like to get to the other side of pain. To get on the other side of pain. That was your favorite because it's a Umanism for life. If you get through this really tough time, you don't think you

Yeah, it was.

And now you're going to be hiking it. I'm so excited to hear that that that is going to be an awesome thing to see you hiking and skiing. And I would say, my biggest advice to you is to go to class. Don't skip class. Go to class. That's the plan. It would be more than a plan, it's my life.

No I will, I promise.

That's good. And what you say, you're getting a marketing degree, But what is it that you are hoping that you can do with your college degree?

No idea? I got nothing honest answer that decision will be made throughout time.

That's very fair.

I kind of want to be like Emily in Paris if anyone's seen that.

Show one of your favorites. And how you mean you want to live abroad and be in a marketing firm.

Yeah, it doesn't have to be abroad. Maybe there's like offices abroad and I can travel, but yeah, something like that. I have no idea.

You get the reference to Emilion parents reference. I'm not alone in the room?

Okay, season four just drop? Did you finish?

It's only one part? One part?

Okay?

We were actually all at TJ's. Was that at TJ's birthday? Yeah, the first night when Emily and Paris dropped.

Oh, and then.

I was like, I don't think we're gonna watch that because half the room doesn't watch it, meaning TJ has no idea what the show even is.

I said, do your thing, say you could go ahead. I just some four seasons behind.

Apparently if you watched the first episode you'd be like, nah, you would not like it.

Really now.

Italy thing something? And then what was the Rome and the Under?

The Under?

When we were in Rome, we found a really cheesy movie called Gelato that you know what. You know what if you watched that and enjoyed it for whatever reason you enjoyed it, then you would enjoy Emily and Pass.

I love a good cheesy movie our TV show.

Can you explain why you like rom comms to tj M?

I don't know. I just I love the false perception of love. I think it's very unrealistic, but it's also so fun to watch.

Do you think it gives and I'll just say, specifically young women a false expectation. Isn't that damaging?

It's so damaging. I mean, we grew up watching them, you love them. We were even like the Barbie movies and and their love interests. I'm like, what's happening? It's not real, but that's my way to escape.

I'm not convinced. I've been saying this to her a lot recently. I'm not convinced you are her kid, because you all are so different. Just y'all both watch rom coms, but for different reasons. You you answered like dead pant, Yeah it's it's it's a total load of crape, but still it gives a false import.

You're you all are so different, I swear, And what did I tell you when you question whether or not Analyst was actually mine from a DNA standpoint.

Wait, I don't know.

I told you that twenty three and meters has proved that, in fact, is my child.

Even the fact that you have to turn to a d.

Well, I just be like that was irrefutable. I mean, if you really had questions, I can promise you. I can assure you she is my child.

I think you and Ava are pas. They say, exactly the same person.

They grew up on the sandpod.

But who do I get along with better on a day to day basis you? Because when you're too much alike, you butt heads and we compliment each other. So I think it's it's extra sad because you've just been like such an awesome I don't want to call you a roommate because you're my daughter, but to live with just just like what a unique experience. You can look at the bad and the negative with divorce and upheople and all of that. That's not anything I would ever suggest

It was like fifteen people up there.

We did, and it was a bubble, but it was like fifteen people and so we're used to having just a loud crowd around.

Us, and so it was. Yeah, it was a big change though for just us too, it was. But I think we did got into a groove. We did.

Yeah, and we've I think we've only had like one or two flare ups ever, like in eighteen years. And that I'm just appreciative of your You have a very calm and cool like you're the cool girl. Everybody wants you to be their friend. It's like TJ's the cool guy, everybody wants him to like them. You have that same quality. Me. I'm like, please like me, please like me, which is annoying. And I get that.

So we get along, but we don't get it because we're just sitting back mind in our own business in the corner. Yeah, why are you all trying to pull us into this? We are absolutely and I that's the thing about Anily. There have been times we have a room full of people and I don't understand anything they're talking about, and I think it's ridiculous and silly, and everybody's into it. And then I finally cut my ales off an Anily. She's got the same look on her

That shouldn't be my whole life. It's like Ava and Mom talking and I'm like, just there, absolutely silent.

It's hard to get a word in. Edge Wise, I will say yeah, and then add my mom, no, needn't miss.

Oh yeah, I'm we'll never speak again.

You and Pop my dad will just be like, I'll take it in, observe, listen, and probably be the wiser for it, because the less you talk, the more you learn.

How often did you Analyst feel like it was funny at times but that you all were roommates, certainly more so in recent months as you got more freedom, and yeah, graduate, yeah, but it was It's funny that I absolutely see you all texting or talk and say, hey, what are you doing tonight? What are you doing? Can I have the apartment? Well, we want the apartment? Like you do talk like we do.

Yeah, that's only been in recent months. Yes, I definitely think in the beginning it was what was I like sixteen, Yeah, I obviously had the trick curfew. It wasn't as much as like, yes, I raised you like I'm going wherever I want.

I raised you very strictly, yes, New York extity.

And that now it's I mean, what's the point I'm living anyway, So it's kind of just I'm.

A big believer. This past year it's I've I made a conscious effort to loosen the rope and to let you have more freedom, just because when it happens drastically and everyone has their own way of parenting, but when you go from being strict and curfuse and you know, do this, don't do this, and if you do this, you're gonna be punished and there's gonna be consequences. I absolutely raised you like that up until this last.

Year, and then I thought, which I think is totally fair.

I just wanted it to be a little bit more of a transition and less of a jarring, completely opposite experience, right, And it's been fun because A I trust you, You've I don't I don't think you've you're not somebody who was sneaking around or yeah, so I've just I felt more comfortable doing that.

You come back some nights, Oh.

That was this year.

Well, the first time you had no curfew was your prom I said.

Oh, yes, I didn't even stay at that late that night, and you didn't.

But I told you you didn't have a curfew. You were like home at a fairly decent hour. I was like, that's funny. It's not how it always works.

It's hilarious.

It's more fun when you can sneeze, right. But no, it's been it's been a really it's been a really good year. And I've been, like I said, so impressed with how you've handled everything. I mean, paparazzi. You you actually even handled all that so while that that upset me more than anything that you know, he was at the time, you were under eighteen and your picture was being taken without you wanting it to and and you handled that with grace, because yeah, what.

Did you say?

One time You're like, ooh, they got me good.

Well, we were in a fight. Do you remember that? We were bickering home from the gym. I was, I was so mad and you were so mad at me, and there there's a picture. I'm like, I have this disgusted look on my face and you look like there's steam coming out of you. And they got us right, we were doing that.

It was just either you said something or did something else like that is inappropriate analyst. So I was giving you a stern talking to.

The headline to try to make.

Fun of the fact that, No, I don't think they caught on that we were fighting, but we knew we were.

And yes, and you're like, they got me good.

They've gotten this. They've gotten me good a few times.

And then you've taken pictures and made fun of me, like the one on the city bike. We ended up trying to treat a lot of this to.

Make light of the situation. It's very strange, and we've tried.

To treat a lot of this with humor and humility. And I think you know, as hard as it's been, like, those are lessons you will take with you when things get tough. Sometimes humor is the only thing that gets you through.

We love dark humor.

You're great at dark himmer.

Yeah, it's my forte.

So does this one over here? Another thing you have in common that that dark humor, that what did I say, devilish, devilish la something like, ye, do you have the same thing.

It's my favorite thing to do. It always makes people laugh, and I love making people laugh. That's the goal.

From the time you were a little like you were a one year old little bobblehead, could barely walk. You were making us laugh that but that's you have always been the comedic relief in the family, which has been which has been fine.

I actually just got a fortune cookie and my fortune was like you make the room like happy with your comedy or something.

And that has absolutely been the truth. Ava likes to tell you all the time that you were an accident, yes, or a mistake.

She goes, a mistake is her favorite thing.

I think it's a mistake. You weren't planned, is the point. But it's I and I said, yeah, but she knows this, this this is fully discussed. But I was one and done. But you know what I said, you were like the greatest joy that I ever ever got. That I wasn't choosing or that I I didn't think I wanted, Like you were something that came into my life that was

You knew. I knew. Yeah that was not because I've lived here. I don't know. I just I couldn't. I couldn't keep doing it.

Well.

I love that you're sprouting your wings, and I will be okay. I will be okay, And I never want you to worry about that or make a decision based on that, because I love seeing you do your thing, and I love that you're different than me, and I love that you're different than your sister. I love that you have your own way of operating and going through life. It's fun to watch you and I can't wait to see what you do next.

Thank you.

Is there anything rooms you're looking forward to?

Like?

Is there anything? Not as a joke here, but a lot of parents who do their kids. There was even this thing? Was it emptiness? Divorce? Right? Once you have time to now focus on each other, you realize, oh, we don't like each other. Yep, there's a thing, But a lot of folks start to re discover themselves and start doing. But is there anything you are looking forward to possible?

Well? There? The thing is, there's been so much change, and my focus and your focus has been on making sure our kids are okay. Now that I've got the two girls like out in the world living their lives, and I don't know how much much you know, I've focused on me or on me and on us. Of course there's been an element to that, but it's always

So, wow, this is gonna be the no.

But you know, you know what's interesting too, is like getting in a relationship later in life when you already have kids. You never got that honeymoon period where you just got to be the two of you, right, And I know we have Sabine, but the thing is you are always focused the kids. You're always a major part of any relationship you have. So this will be kind of the first time where I can focus lucky you on you and us in a way that how's that going to go?

I haven't been able to do before, Scared.

It'll be too much.

Well, it's true. Every single morning, I think you know this, at least we our day is structured. We can't do anything until we hear from you and Toby about what the day and then we fill it in around you guys. So to think now we only have the being schedule, yeah, right to consider and we usually can't fill out our schedule at least until later because.

I never wake up my mind, and you don't wake up till eleven.

Yes, you don't wake up until eleven o'clock.

No, I wake up that like ted, That is a normal time to wake up. But you guys are just crazy.

But you don't come out and say hello until eleven.

Yeah, I have to I have to process be waking up.

That is where different significant.

Maybe when I'm older, I could see myself being an earlier.

But you know, but how how much have I annoyed you in the last and a half every day asking you what are you doing?

And you're like, You've never acted like this. You've never like said that before, because there's always like, oh, you went to work, I went to school. We kind of like met at home, you know.

But now I have a lot more time, and I'm trying to incorporate you, and I know you're leaving soon, so I was trying to incorporate you in as much as possible and you were like, now you're suffocating.

Yeah, I'm like, mom, I've never had someone care this much about my schedule.

Can you please go back to what you used to do in the morning and I didn't have to see you.

I could go to work many times that I say, heye, just give her a beat. Don't worry about it because she's stressing you out about your schedule, because she's trying to make some plan. Think I don't know.

I let it go. Thank you.

What are we going to do now? There's no wow.

I there will be a.

Transition, and I think we will all find some freedom that we didn't have before, and we can still have a beautiful, loving relationship. But it's just gonna it's gonna change a little bit, and it's been changing this past year. Yeah, you shift. I'll always be your mom, but I get to be a little bit more of your friend now, and that's kind of fun. I can I can take my hands off the wheel a little bit, and I you know, little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.

I feel good about it, definitely.

Well, I can't wait. I can't wait to watch you fly.

Oh wait.

I had these cute little quotes I wanted to leave anyone who's going through this. Sometimes I like quotes, tej.

You like quotes. I was bracing for it.

I oh no.

So these were the two quotes I really liked, and I wanted to share these with any other parent out there who's going through this. These these made me. The first one's from the Dali Lama give the ones you love, wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay. I thought that was very sweet.

Preach.

Yeah, I'm gonna get that tattooed on me.

I love that I had that impact on you or the doll. I would you say in your handwriting, Oh wow, that's not cheesy. This one, however, has some humor to it, and this made me laugh. And I think sometimes, as we talked about, that's what we need in these moments when we're a little sad. However painful, the process of leaving home for parents and for children, the really frightening thing for both would be the prospect of the child never leaving home.

It was kind of fun.

This is what is supposed to happen for all parties involved. And I remember when I first held you. You, I told myself, my job is to make sure this little girl can live on her own and be happy with herself and move on from you know, from being under my under my wing. That my job is to make her independent of me and to be successfully independent and happy. And so I remember reminding myself of that along the way, that that was my number one job to guide you to be your own person.

Think about how annoyed you would be if I stayed at home entire life.

You know, if you stayed for the next couple of years. I don't think she'd be upset. I think she'd be excited about that. I think you would.

Yeah, well, I still have a winter break and summer break. Although wat she'll start becoming like an instructor and staying there and everything. I could see you doing all sorts of stuff, But it's your life to live, and I'll be okay, and I can't. I'll be your cheerleader, cheerleader back home no matter what. I love you, I love you.

I love you guys too. All folks. We appreciate you all listening as always. Folks, if you're out there, if you're about to send your kid off, you're going to be okay. The three steps they say of this, what is it the empty nest syndrome. It's grief, relief, and then joy. It's coming. Everybody's going to be fine. It's tougher on some than others, but a lot of folks go through and they make it through, are just fine, and some come out really well on the other side.