Hey, there are folks in this episode. Contrary to a popular belief, marriage doesn't suck, and we have the couples to prove it. Welcome to this special cupling season edition of Amy and TJ Rhodes. We started this out and it was supposed to be just a fun exercise we were excited about and I am so serious right now. This turned into something else for me.
It really did. This was about talking to happy, successful couples leading up to Valentine's Day.
We didn't know how happy they were leading in.
Wait, that's true, that's true, But that was the premise that we wanted to talk to successful couples, not just couples who lasted, but couples who were happy to be together even after all the years. And we just thought it might be a nice nod to Valentine's Day and to true love. But wow, not only did we connect commiserate with these couples, but we were also inspired by them.
And there was a comfort in finding similarities and shared experiences and knowing you're not alone when you face problems in a relationship. But it gives you a sense and a source of comfort that even when you have the bumps in the road, so does everybody else. It doesn't mean or spell disaster. I think that was a really fun takeaway for me to see that everybody has mess and it's just how you handle it.
Well, that's what we know. Everybody has mess, But for whatever reason, we look at everybody on Instagram and think they don't like we're trying to compare ourselves, oftentimes to another couple that we don't know a damn thing about because it looks good on the surface. This was cool to see and a lot of these folks do look good on the surface. But when you start asking, and we asked them all the same was the question that you start delving into. Yes, they ran into some hell
and they've been through some things. And to your point, we talk about this all the time with I guess people in the public eye who go through something, oftentimes it's if it's illness, they come out and they're open about it and they talk about it, and you have this ground swell of people saying, Wow, that helped me because I'm going through it too. I've never really thought about that. Relationships, you know, that's what happens.
That is a really good point. It is the same thing when people talk about their problems or they talk about the not so great moments, everyone else'll say, oh my goodness, you too, and it just it's comforting and it's also inspiring because when you see how they handle the problems, and it's not always perfectly, but every time you don't do it right one time, you'll do it better than next, hopefully if you're in it with the
right person who's also in it. I think the teamwork aspect of it was really exception.
The team was a theme. And I have to tell we've talked about this privately, but I could say it here publicly. Now. I feel so much better about our relationship after going through and talking to all of these couples, not as a matter of we got it better than.
Anybody, Oh we're we're not comparing.
Not that kind of a thing, but to hear so many of the nuggets, to hear that we've gone through the exact same things, and to see them come out and be happier, and also to see how they have argued and fight and gotten through things we have done things similar, So I wow, Wow, we're actually doing something right even when things aren't great.
That is so true. I felt the exact same way. And it's cool you made that connection to cancer journeys because it's so true when you're going through something hard, to see someone else who's gone through something similarly difficult and come out on the other end with a smile, that is sometimes all the inspiration you need to keep going.
So those were kind of at least for me, this turned into something I didn't expect, and that's wonderful. To the point, I can't wait to do this again. I would love to continue talking to couples. So we had these were our couples, and some of them we did have a little history with and some we had no idea, Oh, hadn't spent any time with them. So this was our list of couples. Trista and Ryan Sutter twenty one years strong after meeting on the Bachelorette. Of course she was
the og. Tristan Tamer and Eddie Judge married eleven years. You know them, of course from Real Housewives. And then you had Samantha Greenstone and Jacob Hoff. You might not know those names newlyweds. They are a mixed orientation couple. He's gay, she's straight, and they are in a monogamous marriage. That was an interesting one to talk all right.
Then we had doctor Jeff Gardier and doctor Amber Brody. We of course knew this couple. We were at their wedding. They're newlyweds, but they've been together for more than a decade. And oh, by the way, they have a twenty seven year age difference. He's black, she's white, she's Jewish he's not. That was really fun to hear how they handle all of those differences beautifully, by the way. Then we had Jenna Kramer and Alan Russell. We know Jana very well.
They were engaged after just six months and there was literally an ocean between them. And this was Jenna's fourth marriage his second. So this is a couple that we were looking to for some answers. Mike and Lauren Sorrentino. Mike the situation seven years married and their first year of marri marriage was with Mike in prison. That's remarkable. Then we have Peta Murgatroyd and Max Schermot. Oh my gosh, I knew I was gonna get this wrong.
Max. She always tells me, if you're listening, she always says, no, I got it. I can hand this last and it's all we have to say it.
Max Schmerkovsky when we were in Warning America to say their names all the time from Dancing with the Stars, So Peta Murgatroyd and Max Schermovsky perhaps the funniest of our interviews. They've been married for eight years. And then Jenny Garth, who also is a friend of ours, and her husband Dave Abrams. They've been married for ten years, but there was a year long separation and divorce papers in the mix of their marriage.
Who surprise you most in this career or maybe intrigued you most because we have a little background, a little some kind of a baseline or foundation idea of these couples. But what jumped out? Who jumped at it?
I think Mike the situation in Lauren, because I didn't realize everything they had been through, that they've known each other for twenty one years, that they were dating and then broke up for what five years plus while he was on Jersey Shore. Then they get back together, and then he goes to prison just to hear not just what they went through, but where they are today. And he had so many incredible nuggets that I was writing down.
I think that's fair surprise, because there's something if I say, anybody hear that, we say Mike the situation, you immediately jumped to some conclusion about him from what you know of that show, from what he was on Jersey Shore, And if you didn't know he was married, you might jump, oh, he must have met her and he was on the show something. This is totally different what we got out of them. That might have been the biggest surprise because I went in with expectations that I shouldn't have had.
Yep, yeah, I was gonna ask you. Did anyone else surprise you besides Mike and Lauren.
I think the mixed orientation couple, Samantha and Jacob. Again, you folks will get into more of it, and we encourage you to go listen to that interview we had with them, but I think you hear it and Okay, he's gay, she's straight, and they're in a monogamous relationship, so immediately you go, what the hell. But the thing that shocked or surprised me most they're just like us. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, even ages.
Every single person, including a couple that seemingly that abnormal. If you will only say, abnormal because it's not normal out there in society is just as normal as you and I and the things they deal with, the hopes they have, the fights they have around the house, they're the exact I was really really thrown by that.
That was so cool to hear and see just how everybody faces the same stuff. It was really cool.
Okay, a lot of it was do you have a standout response that you got from anybody along the way something that jumped out was like, Holy hell, this dude's crazy or this lady's funny, or there were several hilarious moments throughout. Was there any response that jumped out at you a three year and again all these interviews.
Well, I look, there are so many things that jumped out. I loved hearing in our Kevin McHale and Austin McKenzie interview because we have struggled with this. They're not married, and so they were trying to decide, you know, is he my boyfriend? Is he my husband? To see my partner? And Austin said, Kevin is my person because it's more than all of those things. And he said, it's my person who I'm committed to. And so instead of when they're fighting him, thinking wait, is this not my person?
He's like, no, I've made a decision to be committed that this is my person, and I'm trusting that the best moments that I know we've had get us through the not so best moments because he is my person. I just I love that commitment that didn't require anything beyond that.
We're going to see them later. We really really hit it off with those guys. They were awesome. We look forward to that so again, we hope you listen to them as well. But this was a list we had with thirty five forty questions. We didn't get to all of themm sometimes because some of the answers were a little more long winded than others. Did you find as well that it seemed like most of the guys were doing more talking than the women.
You know what, It was really fascinating to see that, and I actually was laughing. I get this because sometimes when we do podcasts, I learned something about you. I watched the women listening to the men saying, wow, I didn't know you thought that, I didn't know you felt that.
Why do you think that is because a lot.
Of times we don't say what's on our mind. Maybe it's because we're afraid to, we're embarrassed to. We don't know what the reaction is going to be, And somehow it feels safe, hilariously on a podcast in front of thousands and thousands of people, but you feel like you're in a safe space with another couple who will understand where you're coming from. So I just saw a lot of honesty and a lot of openness that maybe wasn't even shared in private moments.
I was going to say, most of the women were saying, Wow, I didn't know that because this is the first time the guy really got a chance to talk.
Oh that's funny. That could be true too.
Though No, we say that kind of jokingly, not as an insult here. But we had several women who are the stars, if you will, at least the TV personality, the big personality used to talking in front of folks. Some of the guys I expected to be quiet. We couldn't get him stuff like though Ryan Ryan, Ryan was he might be my number one and all this. I enjoyed Ryan. So Trista's's a husband so much because I again an expectations game. He's the quiet guy he's usually
in the background. Through all these years, you don't hear a lot from him. He sat down, he was the most insightful, interesting, funny, but still quiet if you will, in the way he has a quiet demeanor, right, but he was incredible, but just it seemed like, I'm not sure he has said anything. He needs to get off his chest. But you were right about We took a couple of interviews in before we realized, you know what,
We're getting some great stuff. And it might be because they're sitting across from another.
Couple and they feel safe, and they feel like this couple, either she or he is going to understand where I'm coming from. So it won't just be a me versus her. It will be us talking about problems that we all have and it feels safe. It's funny you mentioned the men speaking up and being really insightful. It might have been from years of listening. And I'm not even kidding.
I was thinking about that. I always know I need to listen more, But when you sit there and you listen again, they were so I need to listen more, That's what I'm saying.
Wait, how do you determine that you need to listen more.
What all I'm saying is watching the men speak up okay and really have these incredible golden nuggets. Not that the women didn't, but they really did have some cool things to say. I had that thought in my head, probably from all the years of listening. You gain a lot of insight when you aren't talking. I'm giving myself this advice.
Okay, so, but you're saying the only thing coming out of the men's mouths. They didn't come up with those thoughts on their own. They had just been listening for a long time and then they collected it.
No, I think they know. I think they've listened to what's happened. They've observed what's going on, and they've made that insightful determination in their mind and they just haven't articulated it yet until this moment, because oh wow, because they didn't have the opportunity.
To And you think that you could this is an area you could improve. Oh of course, really, Oh I think you're a great listener.
I do really, huh, I don't believe you.
I'm glad we didn't have to get asked some of these questions. Most of them we would have been okay, but we started with this was a nice icebreaker that was on our list. We asked everybody give us three words to describe your relationship. I think most people I think honesty and theme. You know, Contentment was a theme as well. It doesn't sound romantic, but.
Fun was a big theme. A lot of people said fun that is how they would describe their relationship. Yes, and content. It doesn't sound sexy necessarily, but when you go through enough of life, that sounds awesome.
Who said I love you first? Was a fun question, and I think overwhelmingly it was the It was yes, end up saying who said I love you? Okay, of course I did. This question was interesting. I got great insights on this one. Why did you want to be married again? A lot of people will look at that, Hey, it's just a piece of paper. Who kids is not going to change anything, or people think, oh, it's going to change us too much. There were some great answers to that question.
Yes, I think people not only Some of them said that it was they were traditional people and they value the tradition of marriage. Other people said they liked the idea of commitment in front of friends and family, that that had power and just the whole idea of publicly stating this is my person was an important part of it. And other people said it was because of their kids.
Some of them had kids from previous marriages or had had children before they got married and just thought that that was a lesson or an example they wanted to set for their children.
Okay, And we asked about fighting. How often you fight, do you what do you fight most about? We asked about going to bed angry. That was a big debate that a lot of people have out there about relationships. Asked about the folks sex life, which we got a lot of interesting and I guess more thoughtful answers and grown up answers. I think is a way to They were adulting in these answers like, yeah, we love that
have a better sex life. But there's a teenager on this SI all teenager on that side of the.
Way, right it was they just said, yeah, I believe was it Ryan? When we said how is your sex life change? She said, well, it's scheduled now or what's what's the opposite of less spontaneous? But that is real And I think people who are in long term marriages, who have kids, it's nice to hear that even sexy, hot couples who you see on TV, who imagine are having sex marathons every day, are saying, yeah, we're like
not in that phase anymore. And it's okay. And I will say all of them said that the sex was better, that it was more meaningful, that it was not necessarily the quality over quantity is what I believe.
One person said, yeah, you gotta make account, all right. So this was an absolute blast for us. So we're gonna get into the nitty gritty here in a second. Now, we're gonna tell you about the themes that emerged from these couples, and they were obvious. It was consistent that no matter who the couple was, there were certain things that jumped out and you need to hear that make
these successful couples successful. Also, we'll get into some of the surprises we got from a lot of the couples, and we'll tell you what advice we heard from them that we are going to be using ourselves. Welcome back everybody to this special cuffing season episode of Amy and TJ. We are recapping the Valentine's Day love stories that we did with a number of couples. You can check out all of those interviews. They're gonna be up in the feed all in order here for you to see right now.
But we've been releasing one a day of the entire month of February leading up to Valentine's Day, so we're kind of given recap of all those now. But Rhodes I said, some themes did emerge. It doesn't matter young, old, where they are, first marriage, second mayor there are certain themes that did emerge.
That's true. A lot of the couples that we talked to that are successful and have lots of years under their belts have said that they were in other relationships when they first met. So this is a big thing, yes, and so they had to pause, take some time get out of those relationships before they actually entered theirs. But that was a significant number of the couples. Tamra and Eddie, I recall, were in that situation, what.
Max and Peter were in that situation as well.
Well, Trista was in a relationship with how many men at the time she met Ryan. I mean, that's kind of funny. Well, she didn't say I love you to him while he was saying it to her because of that, which is kind of funny.
Well, I thought this was something that everybody needs to that. Again, these are themes what makes us full successful. I think so often I talk to people, and oftentimes it is women who say I can't meet anybody while dating is so difficult. Where do I go to meet people? Or and talking about online you don't have to meet them. Possibly he's there in your life right now and you just haven't realized or recognized that. Think that is real, folks, and y'all need to pay attention to that because it
showed up in these relationships. And a lot of these folks when they first meet, they don't meet. They meet innocently. Yeah, they some of them met at work. They meet in a way that's okay, Hi, how you doing it? Move on and not even thinking about that person.
A lot of people met at work that you just mentioned. Pete and Max, they certainly did, and there wasn't sparks at first. According to Peter, Jeff and Amber they met at work as well and spent a couple of years as just friends or at least eighteen months as just friends.
And get this, folks, those two he used to help her in her dating life.
Yeah, he helped her with Jay dates and then she actually made the first move and said, Hey, I'd actually like to date you. So it goes to show someone has to make that first move. But you can get out of the friend zone.
Yeah, and sometimes you don't even know it or realize and you're not even trying to and it happens. That absolutely jumped out at me. Another theme that was here, and folks, be in a relationship, pay attention to this one. And this one makes me nervous. Big breakups happen to successful relationship.
Big breakups happen, and it's good to know that if the foundation is there, you will come back together. And we saw that happen. Jenny and Dave stand out specifically to me because they broke up for or they were separated, I believe for almost a year and a half. He had divorce papers that he had tucked in his truck and drove around with them.
Folks, serious, if this is one you need to listen to. This was unbelievable. He literally had divorce papers for her to sign and for a year plus, right, they were in a little you know, the driver's seat in your car, the back of the driver's seat has a little compartment you can slide on the little pocket. They were there, he said, for a year plus writing just riding around as well.
There and now well they've been back together for six years and are so happy. So that's that's a cool thing to know that it can get that bad and if there still is that much love and a foundation there, you can come back together. Mike and Lauren same thing. They broke up four I believe it was five years while the whole time while he's experiencing all of this fame and a significant addiction problem as well at the same time. But they came back together and now are
stronger than ever. They were really impressive to me.
This made me nervous and that a while when az oars coming like it's I don't and I'm suggesting that everybody has to go through a breakup. But to hear these couples talk about how these weren't just a weekend thing. These were significant, like you say, years long sometime breakups, and to hear how they found their way back to each other, it's just not over. I guess there's some passion in something you recognize sometimes and the timing ain't right,
and maybe it will be later. And I couldn't help but think about our guy, Matt and Rachel, And I said, when those two broke up, I said, man, I don't know if they're done. We will see. They need a beat. But it makes me hold out of hope for Ben and Jen still, you know, oh I know.
I mean, look, I told you I saw all the headlines that Matt had taken down the breakup page, or the posts that he made that everybody made so much. He deleted that. So now that was the whole story. So you never know, there's a glimmer of hope.
They're not one of the couples we talked about.
They're they're not. The other thing is all of these couples, it seems, made it through something major, whether it was a previous divorce or someone else's children or finances, you know, their addiction.
No, I'm saying you and I I when I see couples that have gone through some kind of like trauma, and they often see them that it's gonna make them a break them and these couples it is an absolute theme folks who have gone through trials like real, are you talking about diction, We're talking about prison we're talking like some I mean divorces from other folk folks, and they've gone through and had to fight through something that absolutely showed itself throughout these interviews.
That brings me to something I wanted to say because I wrote this down. Mike the situation said this, and I love this. He said, going to prison basically they had already dealt with so much together. It felt like a muscle that they built up a foundation to fight together and that they're a battle tested couple. He said, we turned adversity into our own power. We use what was meant to be used against us and turned it into something to use for us. And I just thought
that was so cool. Had they both had such a team mentality and it came through adversity, but.
That it seems silly to say, but you this, folks, he said, Yeah, by the time it was time for me to go to prison, we were good. We could handle that because we've already been through hell.
Yeah.
He actually talked about it as if yeah, prison, Yeah, we're good, we'll make it through this too. I loved that idea, and I do, Babe, I think about that with you. So many things that come up. I barely even blink like, oh, yeah, we'll be fine. You have any idea what me and Robot went through. Some people think they have an idea, And then there's some people who are in our families and saw the hell and there was nobody on the planet that was on my
team other than you. Is what it felt like when you go through.
That with somebody what you got and when things aren't great, if you have a problem, and of course Mike and Lauren and all of these couples have issues that come up, but when you remember that we made it through that, and we made it through that time together, leaning on each other, supporting each other, and trusting each other, that to me, gets you through all of the tougher times that maybe ahead.
And you know what else was a theme again if you want your relationship to be successful the successful couples. Another thing that that that emerged as a theme. They generally had the support of their friends and family. Now a couple had an issue here or there, but they did have a group around them that was supportable of their relationship. That's it seems obvious, but that's key.
It oh, it is key. And even a few of them who said it first, there was some you know, Tristan Ryan. When you meet on a reality show your mom, they might think is this a good idea, But they came around very quickly once they met the couple.
So that was a cool thing we mentioned earlier. We all we asked the question about sex, but this was a theme as well. Aside from sex, a theme was physical touch was important to everybody, even sitting on a couch, they found themselves holding hands. And the other one was when we are not in a good way, we're fighting, several said, you know sometimes just the toes under the covers in bed makes all the difference in the world.
I so related to that. I have told you this, even if we weren't or aren't in a good place, if I just hold your hand and you'll just squeeze it, we don't have to say anything. It's like, I know we're not great right now, but I still love you and you don't. Might you might not have the the ability to say that out loud because you're still angry. But a hand squeeze or yes, a little touch of the foot, that is everything in those moments.
And yeah, I think everybody said they're handholders. They walk down the street and hold hands every.
Single one when we asked we had we were on zoom and some of these interviews they would hold up and show us that they were actually holding hands while they were talking and we didn't even see it. It's pretty cool.
Okay. This next one, folks, is huge if you want your relationship to be successful. And this is one I think robes that the couples reacted like very strongly too. This is a major no no. You have got to you have got the folks fight fair. Threatening to break up, threatening to leave, threatening with I'm done, or threatening divorce is an absolute no no.
So in some of these couples it happened initially, like in the first year or two of the relationship. One of them was a runner. One of them was that I'm done and when they saw how much of hurt the other person. It seemed as though every one of these folks, some people from the beginning, said we made a pact that we were never going to curse at each other, and we were never going to threaten to leave or get divorced or to walk away unless we
meant it. And some of them learned that the hard way by doing it once or twice and realizing this is planting seeds of doubt that I won't be able to unearth like they stay and.
They do overwhelmingly. This is a sin. You just do not do it. It cannot be done.
And I will make a pact with you. And I think we had something early on in our relationship where I was wanting to leave, not leave the relationship, but just leave, and you said, hey, you just looked at me and said, if you walk out that door, do not come back. And I knew you meant it, and so I said, I think I'll stay. You did, you did very calmly, but in fact, because you were so calm with such a like an unraised voice, I knew I was like, let me think if I really want
to do this or not. And honestly, it was a good moment for me and I think for us because we've never done that. I've never done that again, and if we had to, Lisa, look, I love you or I'm upset right now and I'm gonna leave it. I'm gonna come back, but I just need some time. That's something different than saying I'm done or I'm walking out, and so I am so for that packed I think it's a good thing for couples to make that packed.
Oh okay, well i'll your accent for me.
To make it's understood. It's understood.
But it's just such a toxic one. And we watch a lot of reality dating shows of some kind. How many times do we see somebody go I'm done and walk away. I'm done and walk away, and then they come back I'm done. It's just it's it's a.
Killer, and it's a it's a killer, and it and it and it really does start to eat away at trust and at that love.
Oh, don't do it, folks. And that's a big we should put that number on the list. Do not do that.
That was one of the big and not like you know it intellectually, but to hear these couples emphatically say this is something we have made a decision not to do together. I was on board one hundred percent.
Another thing was time apart. Yeah, folks, don't see even want it or need it.
I was surprised by this because I thought perhaps we were going to hear from these very busy, very like successful couples that they are like I need my alone time, I need my space, and none of them said that the only the only two that kind of alluded to it a little bit was Austin and oh my god, Kevin.
Austin and Kevin. When they decided to move in together after six years of dating and not living together, Kevin thought it would be good for him to give Austin his own room just in case, and sometimes he sleeps on the couch, and so just to give him that space, because he said, Austin said, I know, I'm somebody who needs alone time. It didn't seem like they took much of it, but that was the only person who even said maybe. Dave Jenny's Dave said, initially he needed alone time,
but now that he's matured, he doesn't. The golf, remember all that, and the boy weekends and she was that was the one thing they used to fight about. That now it's just a non starter.
And we can't no time away from each other like none, like none.
Do you need some you know?
You remember I called you today. I had to leave you for a short time. We're not used to doing that. We used to listen together all morning. I had to leave you for a short time and I called you, Oh yeah, because I missed you and you sent me a text of Hamil on the treap mill, just another mile to gooh blah blah blah, and I said, you know, I didn't want anything. I can't remember wh I.
Was called, and I said, oh, you missed the sound of my voice.
There was nothing to talk about.
I definitely and me who I thought I was before I was in this relationship with you. I have said I need alone time, I need my own space. I'm not touchy feely. I don't like physical touch. I don't hold hands. All of those things completely out the window.
She's a keeper, right, she's a keeper. She sounds awesome. I don't want to be touched.
I would just say. I believe when you are with the right person, all of those things you think about yourself melt away because your number one priority is to feel connected to this person who you love. And I have experienced that now with you, and it makes me happy to know that sometimes it is about having the right person and then things do fall in place. It doesn't mean that there isn't work, and there isn't a lot of work that's involved in keeping all of that
alive and going. But I realized how important it is to have the right partner.
Well, I hope this is it. We'll see what we make it through this breakup that's coming. Everybody comes back from it a few surprises though here finance is not an issue for anybody. That was a surprise to me. Some people they choose to keep it all together, separated. Some of them even complicated with some LLCs and all of this stuff. But for the most point, nobody had a finance issue.
No, no, and Jenny Garth did discuss that there is is a little bit of a challenge sometimes when the woman makes more money than the man. There's some finessing and discussions that actually had to take place for them, because resentment starts to build when people don't discuss it. That's when the problems happened. But it seemed like everybody figured it out.
He acknowledged that too, Yeah, yea, yeah, he completelynowledged there wasn't immediate chemistry. That was a surprise as well. And we talked about this. You didn't meet necessarily. Even if you meet someone and you're not thinking you're going to date them, they're still you think a spark happens. But a lot of these folks said, no, I didn't.
Yeah, a lot of the women said it didn't happen for them, funny enough, the men all kind of said that they did have a spot. Petere was like nah, and Max is like, well, obviously I was, yes, I thought you were. Yeah.
Is it the women just not admitting it and protecting themselves like you always say that? Sometimes you do.
Possibly, But I also think that men might be more visual and women it takes a little bit more for you to kind of have that big spark. You want to know someone's personality, you want to see if they're funny, and all of those.
The takeaway from there is that you don't have to look across the room and see somebody who just gets you going it. You actually can fall in love with somebody and become wildly attracted to them through getting to know them. Again. I'd go back to all these reality shows, these dating reality shows. It's usually just a visual and I'm into them. I'm not into them. But then some of them that don't have anything in common. You don't
think it's oh, they don't have any chemistry. Three episodes later, they're all over each.
Other, and then we google them and find out they have three kids, and we're like wow, that's amazing. But I think a lot of folks what we heard from a lot of these couples is that friendship is the number one foundation. Yeah, number one foundation, And we've heard that a lot from people. But it was evident each of these couples just what we got the advantage of watching them, and there was an energy between all of them.
It didn't matter if they'd been together for twenty one years or ten years, but these are all tried and true couples. There was a friendship and there was a camaraderie and there was this swe eat team like energy between them that I can't even I can't I don't even have words to describe, but it was there.
You can't fake it all, and you can't fake it. You cannot sit with your loved, the one of your spouse and answer questions that you have. They didn't. I give all of them credit. They had no idea what the questions were and sat there and when they came out, they look at each other and then the answers would come out. And you have to have a level of comfort and confidence in your relationship and the person you're sitting next to to do that. I don't know if
i'd do that with you. But we're going through here in just a minute. One last thing I want to get to about the surprises the last name change for the married couples. There is no middle ground here. It seems you are either all for it passionately or you are absolutely against it passionately. At least when it comes. The men are the ones who are passionately for it, and then the women are the ones are passionately against it. Correct, So where are we going to do?
I don't know. I've never changed my name.
Yeah, what are we going to do?
I don't know. Okay, I told you the only thing I'd be open for is a hyphenation.
The only thing you'd be open for.
Yeah, I wouldn't completely lose Robock.
Ever, any Robock Holmes.
That would be the only thing I'd be open to.
The only thing you'd be this is a negotiation.
Then, well, I'm just saying I wouldn't lose Robock.
You don't have to lose Robocks.
There you go.
You don't I mean not in spirit, but.
No, I mean I think that you are not actually that what.
You can't lose Robot, then I can't call you Robock. I can't call you Rob then homes Robes homes No, that's terrible. Well fuck, we had such a good time with them. But when we come back where we have our super producers in the room with us, we have as always Andy, Emma and then Sydney's in the room. They are going to ask actually turn the tables on us a little bit here. We actually don't know what they're going to ask. They pluck some questions from the ones.
I guess, what do you say? Turn about? It's fair play, yes, and hit us with some of the ones we we gave our couples. But then there are supposed to be some extra ones in there as well that are rapid fire, which is always fun. Oh can't wait, because I love when somebody ask you a question, You just say the first thing that pops in your mind.
What could possibly go wrong?
Stand by? Folks are right back? All right, we're back folks on this special cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ Robes. You nervous about answering questions about us?
Not with you by my side?
Okay, you know what. That's what we put all these couples through. We did so. I don't know why I don't I feel a little uncomfortable going into this. But but yes, our our producing team here, Emma, Sydney and Andy came up with some questions for us. Emma, all right, give us your best.
Let's warm up with this one.
Easy stuff.
Give three words to describe your relationship?
Thank you today. Oh that's the first question we asked. Oh that's a good one. We should have seen this com I think about it, all right, I'll you want to start.
Well, I remember it was it last night. Sabine was in the room. We talked about this. Last night. Sabine was in the room with us in the bedroom. She was on the couch. We're in the bed. Everybody's working. We were working on something. You looked at me and you said, you know, what three words would you use to describe a relationship? Yes? Do you remember what I said?
Something really smart ass? I said, on my nerves, that's exactly that's exactly what he said.
Yeah.
See, it was so annoying. I forgot it because I chose not to having fun. I know, now you have to be serious.
Okay, all right, you said you had something.
Okay, all right, I'll go so for me, fun one hundred percent we are fun is an something that we actually prioritize in our relationship. Committed. I feel like I'm in this with you one hundred percent, and I feel that we are fully committed and that creates a lot of safety and satisfaction. And number three, I would say passionate.
My three words would be still in shock.
You.
I say this to you so often in private. I cannot believe we're together. We from where our lives started to are growing up, to colleges to careers, to relationships, to where we ended up working together. All that is a fricking miracle that we are sitting here together right now. So yes, I if I will forever be hopefully still in awe of this relationship. So that was my serious And say, y'all laughing, And did you.
Just change it from still in shock to still in shaw?
No, I said, I hope I remain in awe with this relationship. I actually don't listen. Oh my god, we were talking about this earlier week. Oh my god, you're so right.
Your three words were still in shock.
Still in shock, I said, I remain I hope I remain in awe of this relationship.
I get that. I was just saying I love the words.
Still in awe versus still in shock.
Yes, awe is kind of like onspiring, like it's a positive.
In shock could be terrible, But awe is something You can be in awe of something that's still expected. You can be in awe of a rose that's on the damn street. You can be in awe of a puppy that's going down the street. But for me TJ. Holmes to end up in a loving relationship and want to marry Amy Robach, I'm shocked.
Okay, who's more likely to start a fight?
Roebuck? How So, just like that by not acknowledging initially that you're the one that usually.
Starts to fight, but you're the one who gets angry.
No, I don't, baby, I don't start fights. You know I don't. I ask questions. So why were you twenty minutes late to this important thing that I have? Why am I a start a fight?
Okay?
You think I'm likely to start fights?
I do?
Well, it seems like Emma is most likely to start a fight because we're two questions in.
God, Okay, let's switch it up. How often do you have sex?
And has it changed? Or how has it changed over time.
You want to answer, you want to answer, you can answer. There is for me at least you guys are however you want to. We are in the public eye. We have a very public relationship. People are very curious about our relationship, and we have answered plenty about it. There's a necklace around your neck with a ring on it that I don't know if I will ever reveal my mindset and why in the message behind that ring. Sex is another one that you know what. That's not something
I am going to address publicly. You can, but you I don't feel I can, I should or I'm wanting to speak on that intimate thing having to.
Do with you.
If you you can say whatever you want, run on the mic right now and then I'll follow. But there's something about it that always didn't sit right with me.
I would just say, and we're what are we? Two plus years into our relationship. All I can say it is the best, most beautiful experience I have ever had in my life, and it has only gotten better.
Pretty solid.
Oh, everybody's look at she's quiet, she's quiet, he's quiet, You're quiet. Everybody's looking around. You want you want me to comment on.
Our sex one only if you want to, And it doesn't sound like you do.
No, it's you know, I think a lot of this has to do We do cover so many celebrity couples, and I think folks give a at least the public things. Wait a minute, you told me this much, so then when I ask this, you better damn sure tell me this too. It's like some lines slippery slope, there's some fine line. So I have always wanted to make sure I drew up some line of some kind to say that, you know what, there's some things that are private I don't want to speak on, and that's one of them.
Yeah, and that's cool. And we when we asked each of the couples, we said, answer this however you'd like, because it's something people are curious about. But we also respect the fact that that is something that a lot of people don't want to talk about.
I'm one of them.
Duly noted love Okay, how are you two keeping the romance alive?
There? Well, it depends on what feels romantic to you.
But the.
I think there are constant daily gestures or nuggets that show that you love somebody. You don't have to say I love you. You could go through a whole day without saying I love you, and a person can fit or more loved than ever by what you do. So I do make a point of sending a note every now and now and again, just randomly I love you, thinking about you on my way cooking is something I certainly like to do. The handholding and the touching, it's
constant with us. So the romance, I don't make an effort necessarily to what do I need to come up with? It stays there.
I do.
When you get up in the morning, you don't speak to him, I say, hey, what the hell like? We go right to work. You keep romance a lot and saying hey, we need to remember that this relationship is first. This podcast will get done. But you and I sacrificing just giving a kiss or saying good morning so that we can get to the podcast is not something that's yeah.
And I think that's the only thing that we need to remember and we do throughout the day, is because we are working so often when we're together, we're working, so to remember that we're a couple who is working together. But I don't think it's that hard hard for us. There might be an hour goes by and like, hey, like I miss you, come over, like you know, and then there's a touch or there's a kiss or there's
a hug. But it's it hasn't felt like work, and it hasn't felt like something I had to remember to do. It's something that I've still wanted to do. And I feel it for you, and I hope you feel it for me.
That's all that I needed to hear. Thanks.
How do you manage your finances? How do you decide who pays for dinners, trips, groceries, et cetera.
Yeah, we have. We have a joint account and so that's we Initially we were struggling with it. Do you remember we so badly wanted to get a joint immediately so one person wasn't It just seemed like we were past the point of saying it's my turner. TJ always tried to pay for everything. In fact, the truth is he would never let me pay for anything, which was very sweet and I loved it, but I also knew that that was not a way forward for us. So it was.
It was lovely while it lasted.
But the point being, I remember we were being so hounded by Papa Rozzi. We desperately were trying to get to the bank to open a joint account together, but we knew that they'd make a headline of it or say something that it wasn't So I was on the phone. We were calling trying to figure out how we could open a bank account without going into the actual branch. And we finally found a bank.
But we could do it.
We did not have to go in for the bank we found, but my bank. I tried every back door I could to not walk into the So it took us a couple months, but we finally did get a joint bank account. And so yes, we everything we do together we have out of our join.
What is one thing people would be surprised to know about your relationship?
Surprised to know about it? Hm, I don't know. I something like folks know so much about us, so they think they know about us, surprised to know. I think it'd be surprised to know just how much we appreciate not being out, like how much like it's there's a picture here on a red carpet, there's out of a nice restaurant, and all this stuff is going on. Man, I just want to go home like, well, I am completely content with you at the house. It's got to
be something better than that. As far as surprise, we would know what you get.
Well, I would say if I added up, and this is true, the hours that we spent a part during the week, I would say, on any given week minus anytime we would travel apart, it's probably less than five hours a week that we spend apart. Yes, oh maybe, sure, yes, And that is pretty remarkable. Most people have separate jobs, or separate lives or children pulling them in different directions. And we really do everything we don't get any time before, and that we're not just say oh we're always together.
We're actually always together.
How are you spending Valentine's Day?
Well, it's gonna be a party of three. Yes, we have Sabine, Jay's daughter is coming with us to go see. This is actually so exciting. I love this question. We are going to see a rom com horror movie. There is a mashed genre that I am so excited to see. It's called heart Eyes. It's been well reviewed. We are all in, so I get a little rom com and then we both get a lot of horror. And it sounds kind of like the most perfect Valentine's Day date ever,
especially with Sabine. We love having her with us.
And the killer has he wears a mask and the eyes are lit up and they have little hearts. That's the idea.
This is us made for us to watch on Valentine's Day.
This is so good that that is our point. And the Valentine's Days I have. I've already done the flowers right, yes, okay, so the flowers are good. I have a wonderful gift for you. It's so good it is.
I have a really good gift for you too.
Her birthday is just a week before Valentine's Day, which.
It's a lot of gifts, dude, and Christmas was just six weeks before, so.
I had to I bought her. I had her gifts for her birthday and for Valentine's Day, but we were taking a trip for her birthday, and so I said, you know what, you would love what I got you for Valentine's Day, and you would want to take it on this trip. So I switched it up. So your Valentine's Day gift I gave you for your birthday, and now your original birthday gift has become the Valentine's Day gift.
That's happened, very funny.
What was your birthday gift?
A really hot pair of Nike running sneakers. But I knew where everybody's mind was. Yes, but they are actual running shoes with flames on them.
And we were going to Vegas, and we were going to run in Vegas, and I knew she want to run on the strip and the new shoes, so I called an autimal.
It was perfect, perfect. I loved it all right.
So this has made this has been fun. I'm not I've told it to you privately, but talking to these couples reassured me about our relationship and that we're doing something right and that even when we're doing something wrong, we're doing something right. So this has been a wonderful experiment. I hope we can do it down there.
I agree, and I was hoping. I am hoping that everyone who has listened or who hasn't and is going to I encourage you. We encourage you to listen along with the questions and ask yourself, ask your loved one, have fun with some of the questions, ask each other what you think of the answer, because it really does bring you closer together, and sometimes what you think your partner is going to say, they don't and they surprise
you in a good way. We saw that happen time and time again with the couples, some of them saying they were more in love after the interview than they were before because they learned something sweet or beautiful that maybe the other person hadn't shared completely with them until now.
So anyway, it would be great if any of you all listen to whatever one you want, but the questions are basically the same, and I just think it's really fun exercise maybe to even listen with your loved one on this Valentine's month weekend week And we have.
It right, Sydney, Andy, Emma. The all of the episodes, all the interviews will end up on our feed, all chunked together. Do I have that right, Sydney. They're gonna go up to where they'll all be in line together. They're there now, but we're putting them up for you to where they are all in line. You'll see them all together in our feed, so by all means, check them out and again the ropes, Thank you Dave for the This has been an absolute blast. So and I
do I can't say it enough. I feel more optimistic and encouraged and feel better and more confident about I didn't lack confidence. I feel more confident about us than ever.
I one hundred percent agree. I felt the exact same way. I already knew I loved you. I already knew I wanted to spend my life with you. But now I feel like we're not just gonna make it, but we're gonna be great.
Well, folks, we appreciate you as always for listening. I'm TJ. Holmes, and this is Amy Robot and it will forever be Amy Robot. That name will never change.
You know me so well. M