Hey there, folks, it is Saturday, March twenty eighth, and how long is too long to be engaged? That question, plus a drunken night out with robox Mom, has now triggered our wedding planning. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and DJ. And all of that is true. I don't know how we end up where we are right now, but we have just been would you not say, Robes in the past twenty four to forty eight hours have had more serious talks about wedding planning than we have since we got engaged.
Yes, that is true. And we just came back from a trip to Atlanta and we.
Saw my mom.
No girl, it's a good night out and it was so fun.
We had a blast, too much fun actually, But yes, look, it comes up inevitably, just kind of questions about if we had considered when we were getting married. We get asked every time we go out with friends. Some people will it's always just a kind curiosity.
Even randoms. Sometimes. We were at the next game the other day, the first person we saw was Tracy Morgan. He's pressing us, when are you getting married?
Pressing us, why are you waiting?
Pressing us? To get all right. So, yes, everybody does it, so.
We had to be totally honest.
I really do think we aren't deliberately avoiding the conversation. I do think we are actually so busy and we have you know what, that's not fair because we have prioritize vacation planning. There are other things that we be put that ahead, and so without talking about it, we have put it on the back burner, even discussing the plants. It's not like we wanted to wait a year because of X, or we need to wait until we get to this. There is none of that. We just aren't
discussing it. We did say that we are enjoying saying fiance. That's fun, like that's a fun stage of a relationship. So we kind of don't want that to end. And there maybe is this fear in the back of both of our minds that we're not discussing about what marriage might do to our relationship.
Really, that's not the bad has not been in the back of my mind. I didn't realize it was in the back of you.
I'm just wondering if subconsciously all playing a role based on our other relationships. I don't know I'm just wondering if that is maybe something in our subconscious or is it that I'm afraid that what I want isn't what you want, or what you want isn't.
What I want. I don't know because we haven't talked about.
It, we folks, Despite what anything you've read, we have not had a serious conversation about time, place, attendees.
Nothing, No, And you actually said to me today, all right, should we start talking about like what do we need to figure out everything? We need to figure out who we want there, where we want it to take place, and when we want it to happen. And we have not not actually come to a discussion about any of those things.
We have nothing.
We've thrown ideas out about who, and that's it. We haven't well, maybe we've thrown some ideas out about where, but we certainly have not discussed when.
We have not had a substance of conversation about our wedding at all since we got engaged. And that's pushed me to ask you what's the right amount of time? How long is too long? I think I put it that way. How long is too long? Now? Just top of your head before we start, we actually google this, But off the top of your head, how long is too long? What would your answer have been.
I think I would have said anything over three years.
Why three?
Just because it's like, at that point, what are you waiting for. It's not like there's a venue you've waited for, or I guess if you had some short term financial goal, if you haven't reached it at that point, I don't know. It would just be like, maybe there's another issue, there's another thing going on that you're not addressing, and there's a reason why you're deliberately dragging your feet that is dragging your feet.
Let me ask you this, Should there be a minimum time of engagement? Yes, I do think so why do you think that should be?
I think that you should. I think you should give
it a year. I think you should spend a year with the idea that everyone you know and love, and everyone you meet, and every person you might encounter who could be a potential suitor, even that you have publicly stated with the ring on your finger or with the intention that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone else, and really sit with that decision because it is actually I think, having now gone through two divorces a hundred percent, and I did not take it seriously.
How long were you engagement?
So? My first one was a year okay, and my second one was four month stably.
Yeah, okay, how about you?
Uh first one was non existent, kind of an eloping thing, and the second was the year okay.
So I do think you a year will help.
Obviously it didn't matter necessarily with either of us, but I think that that gives you the opportunity to really let it sink in. I just was so young, I was still so focused on my career. I wasn't actually letting anything sink in. I was just like, next, next, next, I was just checking boxes.
Okay. Sorry, you weren't talking about suitors with next.
No, But what I needed to know I was just joking a second. We were talking about marriage, and that's okay. So is there any reason then to wait? You said three years is too long, you should give it at least a year then, but what, well, I'll go ahead.
You like you were about to jump in there. But yeah, is there any reason to wait? I guess it depends on Okay, I won't incorporate us into this yet, what reason can and you give to wait, you said, yes, you want to marry me, I want to marry you might as well go get married tomorrow.
I would think the only time, or the only instance where it would make sense is if you were long distance and you knew, once I get this degree or once I get this job, I can move and we can live in the same city, and I can understand not wanting to get married, and so you can actually live together.
Okay, that makes sense. Okay, that's practical. Yes, okay, but you live on that side of town. I'm over here. What is? What is?
Then?
I think you'd have to ask yourself why are you waiting?
Like what?
Why wouldn't you just go ahead and get married?
Okay, that's the question. A lot of people wait because they're planning a wedding, right, you need to That's true.
You have to get you have to wait for a venue sometimes go time.
Okay, all that aside. If someone says, will you marry me and the response is yes, throw out the practical things you talked about with the planning of the wedding and someone graduate from college, da da is there any reason you need to sit with an engagement no matter what for a little while.
Would you say yes, I think if you how long have you known each other before the engagement?
I think that's really important.
So you know, when you said I thought you might be trying to jump in, I was going to jump in with us because I was actually gonna say, I think you have to consider the fact that we have been close friends for eight years before we even started dating, and then we took and.
It was very tumultuous. I think it would have been very well advised to wait.
We took from the time I think I guess what was it almost almost three years right until from the time we were in a romantic relationship until the time you proposed it was almost three years. I've only wow, Wow, we actually have a slow rollship. I think we would be an exception that we could have gotten married probably the.
Next day, and it doesn't make a difference.
I don't need to test us or learn more about you or your family, or how you act or react to hard times. Been there, done that? Act to good times? How do we live our days together? You know, just doing nothing together. We've done all of that. We've traveled the world together. So I don't need to find anything else out about you at this point. I think we've been managing our communication skills and that level of intimacy
and understanding I think has been it's been important. I'm glad we've taken the time to do that because it is a transition to go from a friendship to a romance and tell folks, what.
Is the You did the some quick research. You can cite the source, but I don't know it sounds about right. The average length of time that engagements are these days.
Yeah, the knot says that the average length of an engagement is fifteen months, and it's been that exact same length of time since twenty twenty two. So for the last four years, fifteen months is the average. And they said a couple of years it might go up to sixteen months or down to thirteen months, but pretty much it stays right around that area.
And that is that does make a lot of sense.
I think for the timing of people mostly want these big weddings and so, yes, you've got a book a venue, you've got a book of floorist. Sometimes you have to you have to wait longer than you want to because of that. So I would imagine that plays a lot of it.
Does it take away there and we said this. So we just are enjoying being engaged. It's fun that we know we have something to look forward to. Even the way people talk to you is is a little different. I yeah, isn't that? Yes, that's a worthy time.
It's been fun and I have enjoyed it and I really do like it. But we just did the math. What is it seven months we've been engaged now, So I'm at a.
Point now where and even talking to my mom, I do want to start making plans.
It doesn't have to be tomorrow.
It doesn't have to be six months for now, but I would like to kind of you and I sit down and actually say this. If I ranked the top three ways we did it, who I'd want there?
And when we did it? I think we just we need to start having those conversations.
Okay, why haven't we had those conversations yet, one might ask. We'll have that answer for you when we come back. Also, I will tell you about this wild drunken night out with Rollbox Mama. All right, we continue here on Amy and TJ. How long it's too long to be engaged? We're within the right windows. Seven months isn't terrible? We okay, still got some time. I can stretch this thing out as long as we need to. Everything's all right, You're
I don't know you You did have a moment. I guess with your mom, more so because people ask us all the time when you when's wedding and when you guys get get married, and a lot of people put in their bids wherever you're gonna go, Well, we'll be there and make sure you don't forget us, And that's that kind of thing. That stuff's just fun. But I guess it got a little more serious when your mom. There are questions your mom was asking that seemed to
hit a little harder than everybody else's random questions. Yeah.
I mean, I think they don't want to be intrusive, and they want it to be the way we want it, and they'll be happy for us if we elope if we bring no one, but obviously they want to be there and they're really excited about meeting your parents.
That's something she also touched on, and so I think the idea I actually hearing her in a very sweet.
Way, a non pushy way, just suggest or just definitely let us know that they are ready, willing and able to be wherever they need to be to see us get married and to be in support of that. I started thinking, you know, we had to run and hide for so much of that year. It was just awful, and there was this feeling of almost not feeling worthy of.
Or not being ready.
Of being accepted, even because we just felt so out of sight and just so concerned about what would people think. So the idea of now maybe eloping I don't love as much as I thought initially, because I like the idea of standing proudly, of letting our family love us and support us and cheer us on and holding our heads up high. That I like the idea of that more and more after everything we've been through.
Well, that all you just said makes perfect sense, and I will. I am completely on board. I was open to anything and everything if we did elpe, Yes, the way you just explained, it is something you do not want to happen, So that won't be the case.
Yeah, Well, I don't think I knew that until like just the second.
That Actually, just everything else, I think because of what we had to go through, it seems like that's the last thing we should do.
Well, it seemed you get to a point and you get folks convincing you that your story, your relationship, your friendship, your love is not something worth celebrating because they have convinced you that it is some way tainted. And we actually know that's not the case, but we didn't want to bring anybody into our mess to a certain degree
forcing it. I mean, I remember this was straighthand when we had lunch with him, we were telling him, hey, you want to do it here, want to do it there to make sure you're not seen with us.
Yes, you don't get our staying on you.
He was like, what the hell are y'all talking about? And that was one of the early ones to where we said, oh my god, everybody loves us and supports us. Yes, because their friends and their family and they've seen us, they know what's going on. So yes to that thing. We will make sure robes I will not ever be pushing to a lope or do anything that does not include family. Yeah.
I really think now that's a cool thing after everything we've been through to see your parents, my parents are siblings, our kids. I think that is something that I am now a lot. I'm leaning way more in that category.
And I assure you Folks, as you're listening to us, this is you are absolutely hearing the most detailed, extensive conversation we have had about our wedding planning. This is it. There's been nothing else. It's been wild Robes to read some things about who we're inviting, who we're not inviting, Where there was a location at one point what and it was a location there was zero chance in hell we ever have a wedding there. So this is it
has been fun to talk about this. But the night out with your mom, we were in Atlanta, Robes at the she was a keynote at the Dress Work Success event down there. If you don't know who Dressed for Success is down in Atlanta, Georgia, check them out, look them up. But did the keynote down there. So, but we got to go the day before going the night before four Seasons place I've spent a lot of time with on in Midtown in Atlanta. It's home essentially, yes,
But we had an unexpected night out with you. It would have been both your parents. Your dad had something else to do, but we got this gift Robes that I didn't appreciate enough beforehand. But the three of us got to sit down and not I guess robes. We weren't anything other than friends and buddies and having a good time. We're not ducking behind anything. We're not worried about work, which just it was a wonderful night with your mom.
It was fun. She got to tell stories about how it was like for her growing up and just.
Having a blast reminiscing, going over old times. And it was nice to see my mom just loose and holding court in a way even right.
Really, And it was Margarita after skinny Margarita after skinny Margarita. Thank you to the folks at the four season there and Atlanta. Always take good care to a man, Jayden Rose, who round too in the lobby as well. I hadn't seen him in a while and got to introduce him to your mama.
And she had no idea who he was, no idea, but she protected my dad, didn't you.
Well, she had to go home and say I met Jalen Rose of Michigan fame, and your dad's a Michigan State guy. So I'm not sure how that went over at the house, but it was a wonderful, wonderful night, and it did. It sparked more serious conversation about our own wedding planning. I don't know where we go from here, but we will continue this conversation as soon as we stop recording. I'm sure.
Okay, good, because I was going to ask you the next question if you had in your mind the average okay, the average engagements fifteen months, how long before you would want to get married? Like, do you have a cutoff or a timeline at all in your head?
I don't. The thing is, I just wanted to I just wanted to enjoy being engaged. I wanted to go through a cycle of engagement. I wanted to go through. I just wanted to enjoy this. It's just fun. After that, I don't have a date, and I don't I have here lately, I've said it to you, let's just get married, Let's just let's just you know what. It has a lot to do with stuff we cover. Stuff is happening in people's lives that are in our lives, and like, why are we waiting to delay?
Why?
That has a lot to do with it. So I don't know, So what's your timing.
I just had an idea, I just had I just had an idea of when I would like to get made.
Tell me the whin you want me to say when?
If you don't want to, that's fine.
I was just thinking tell me the win.
Well, you don't have to hear, because then we commit to it publicly.
Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you when we get off.
Is there aware I do?
I had something in mind?
Yes, okay, but you're gonna hold that too, yes, okay.
I don't know how you'll feel about it.
Is there a number of attendees? I? Yes, Oh you want to tell me that, or you're gonna hold that too. I hold everything, you're holding all of it.
I'm gonna hold it all.
Okay. Then all right, folks, Well, we always appreciate you sticking around with us, and especially since we give you episodes with very little information apparently, and with that, we appreciate you hanging with us on DJ Holmes And I cannot wait to have this conversation with my fiance as soon as we stop