Happy Cancer-versary!

Hey, there are folks in this episode of Amy and TJ. On this day, eleven years ago, Amy J. Robock was told she had breast cancer. Fast forward about a half year and several chemo treatments later, she was declared cancer free, and she has been cancer free ever since. But still every year now, on this day, October thirtieth, those of us who know her and love her take the time to remember to reflect and fucking party. And so we're glad you can be here now with us for Amy

You know, it's funny you asked that.

First of all, I am surprised because I did not know we were doing this episode. I was here, you might prepare I was here for another episode, and I did not know that this episode was happening.

So I want to make that clear right now.

It's funny you ask because my twenty one year old daughter Ava asked me the very same thing this morning when she wished me a happy cancer versary. She's like, oh wait, is that an okay thing to say. I guess this isn't something that's happy, and I actually corrected her and I said, no, that's perfect, because why wouldn't this be a celebration.

This is a celebration of life.

This is of course an acknowledgment of what I've been through, but more importantly than anything else, this is about being grateful to be here.

This is why anyone who has.

Fought cancer and lived with cancer and is living with cancer is here because we want to live.

And so, yes, this is a celebration of life.

So explain to people, because people it's different for everybody, but a cancer versary people hear that often I am more familiar with than now because of you. But it can mean different things to different people.

Sure so.

Actually, funny enough, when I was diagnosed, I certainly met so many women and men who were going through the process or had already been down the road. And everyone talks about their cancroversary or the day in which they celebrate or at least honor what they'd been through. And I was curious different people choose different dates. You can either choose from what I gathered, the day you were diagnosed or the day you finished treatment. So for me,

A sad day. Obviously, it was a horrific day.

I think back to that day and I have horrible feelings. And I think anyone who's got an anniversary where something bad happened, something tragic happened, a day where your life changed, initially for the worst. But I wanted to reclaim that day because otherwise October thirtieth was always going to live in infamy for me, So why not for me.

This was my choice.

I decided to twist the day instead of being sad about that day and remembering how hard it was and how scary it was and how devastating it was. And remember that was the day where I said I'm going to do this.

I'm going to walk down this road.

I don't know the outcome, and I still don't know the outcome, but I am making a choice right now to fight to live and to remember to fight to live.

What you said, that was such a sad day, and that obviously it was an awful day for a lot of reasons. So why is it on a day like today where we say happy cancer? First three?

Right?

I get the point you're making, But it seems like a day and waking up on a day like this could still come. You can't help, but some negative and sad things creep in. Does that happen?

You saw me cry this morning, But I actually will tell you they were tears of joy.

There were tears and feel that way.

I know, I know, but there were tears of gratitude because I see how far I've come. And I also don't know what next year brings. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I don't know what ten years from now brings, but I know right now I'm okay, and no matter what happens, I can choose to be okay.

And it's just the perspective of it all.

I wanted to honor how far I've come. I want to honor the unknown, and I just felt grateful to be here right now, in this moment.

It's for me.

These are the days, these are the anniversaries where I remember to be grateful. I know that sounds cheesy. It that's why there are tears of joy.

Oh no, but this morning, I mean we were laughing about it as you were crying this morning, but I simply said, today is Today is a day of nothing but joy. Like I just we set the tone very early on and me saying today is going to be nothing but joy my verse, I didn't.

I actually quickly laughed because I didn't want to cry in front of you, because I was embarrassed because I don't like to cry. But I ran and then I was like, I get it out, get it out. But it really was a release of emotion, agreeing with you that this is and I think sometimes like, yeah, there are happy tears, there are joyful tears. There are tears of gratitude, and those are beautiful tears. And yeah, that's where I am today because it is a big deal.

Say, I was worried this morning when you started crying. I know again you said, I use the tears of Joy and d da da, But I started blasting what song throughout the house when you ran away to start crying. You remember, no, but it was it was Parrell?

Yeah. Oh yeah.

It didn't work. No, it did.

No, it made me happy, like it actually enhanced my joy.

Yeah, you got the joke. Yes.

And then I.

Said what playlist is that from? And you said it was a hope playlist? I say, can you send it to me?

It was you sent me your hope playlist?

And I ran to it this morning with you over the Brooklyn Bridge at sunrise, and that started the day with just so much joy and so much hope and so much promise and so much.

Gratitude and all of those things. I really deeply, I don't. I'm always taking aback at how much I feel on this day.

Okay, but explain why is it it almost slipped your mind that the day was approaching.

We've been so busy, and that's a good thing. I mean, we've been really busy. We've been working really hard. We're building a small business, we're rebuilding our careers. And that doesn't happen in a flash or overnight or by snapping your fingers. It requires a lot of hard work. And so we have been working. We've been churning out about eight podcasts a week, and we've been traveling NonStop.

For partying, friends and.

One fun reasons and all of those things, and football games and children studying overseas and all of those things. But it has been a whirlwind, and I actually was so so my you guys, hopefully if you're friends of the podcast, you listened. And you know, my best friend Nikki Espina, she just got back from actually running the Venice Marathon with her boyfriend Chris, which is pretty cool. But she was landing last night and she said, what

What do you make of that, that you actually forgot.

I think that's probably the most amazing thing, because I've never ever forgotten, and it's always weighed on me. In fact, I have anticipated it with some dread in years past, like afraid of how I'd feel, afraid of where I was, afraid of what I was thinking or where my mind was. And this year, for the first time ever, I forgot that it was my canceroversary. And I think that is kind of awesome.

That makes sense, It makes something. I was guessing that and assuming that and wondering that, but you confirmed. I didn't want to assign that feeling to you. But I was amazed because obviously it's over the past couple of years to keep up with these things with you, and sometimes people do forget. And you had a big one last year ten year, and a round number ten year and a cancer versary was last year. That's a big milestone.

But it was a tough year.

It was a tough year where we weren't we weren't free to be us, or we didn't feel like we could be. And I was still living in a lot of ways behind closed doors. I didn't feel celebratory, and it was It's funny because you build it up when you get diagnosed. You don't even want to be so bold as to hope you're going to be able to celebrate your five year, your tenure, but those are big milestones, especially when it comes to breast cancer. And so I had always imagined if I could get to ten years.

And so it's kind of funny that you had I think so much.

Of life is about expectations, and we put too much on ourselves around other people, and that causes a lot of unnecessary suffering. So funny enough, I didn't even anticipate today, and so far today has been one of the most magical, beautiful days I have had this entire year. And you've been amazing.

Oh no, I wasn't saying no, but I know you weren't.

I know you weren't pushing, you did not have a hook in the water. No, but a lot of it has to do with you, and you have been wonderful from the moment you woke me up at four ten this morning, and you know, just hearing from my girls and here from my friends, and you know, it's just the little This is one of those moments where I will remind anyone who's listening. I know people get weird.

Even if you aren't sure that's the right tone.

But at least I know today's important to you, and I'm thinking of you, and thank God you're here. Like just the smallest I'm always amazed despite what you've been through and how much life you've lived, one line, one message, one text can make the biggest difference in someone's life. So always send the text, even if you don't know if it's the right words or if it's the perfect way to say it. Saying something is always the right way to go.

So well, we've talked about this obviously, with the number of people that in the past two years have gotten that message from me, Hey didn't want anything, you just crossed my mind. I've learned in the past couple of years that when somebody's on my mind, I shouldn't hesitate to reach out. People have gotten that random text for me plenty over the past couple.

Years, because until you've gone through something tough, you can't imagine the impact of the text. You don't even have to make a phone call, you don't have to send a gift. It's just the thought that actually has so much weight, does it not.

I have learned that lesson of plenty, but I on this ANNIVERSI I actually I gave you an option today. I was going to take you out and we were going to and we had we've been partying before we came into the studio today. And hell yeah, I don't mind saying that. Hell we popped a bottle of oove at five this morning before we recorded the morning run. I will admit that, Suis. I mean, what do you want to do? Today is a very big day. And we didn't finish the.

Bottle half a glass, and then we ran several miles, so it wasn't like.

My point being. I got up and we got up in a mood and to make this a special day. But when I think of your cancer versary, the first thing, the first place I think I've always is Oldna Hughes. Old Donna Hughes is an Irish pub that's next to the GMA studio on forty fourth Street, and we spent so much time there. They've been good to us over

Yes, So over the years it seemed that anniversary always happened during the weekday and it was. It became a tradition that after Good Morning America we would head over and the bartender at the time, her name was Orla from Ireland, and she knew us obviously we were next door and would let us in two hours before the restaurant actually opened up or the pub actually opened up, So from nine am till eleven am when it actually opened, it would.

Just be Good Morning America had plays to ourself.

Yeah, we did it on Fridays usually except for we also did it on my cancer Firs three and Yes, over the years, I have so many pictures of just the gang of us, like holding up whatever number it was, three, four, five, and you were there for all of them.

But I just always remember that first one. And so today we got up. I said, hey, we're going to go out, We're going to start a party, and I gave you options. I said, do you want to do this spot? Do you want to do this spot? In

Way I thought about it, and I actually really appreciated the moment to give that real consideration. But funny enough, for me, I it's when you go through these big transitions in your life. Anyone who's gone through one knows. I think it's important to honor where you were, but it's also important to honor where you are now.

And for me, I wanted to do.

Something that was just us, and I didn't want to go back in time. I wanted to continue to go forward. And I thought about it, and that place holds a special place in my heart, but it's not where I am now, and so that's why I chose to go to a place just you and me close to iHeart Studios, so it was maybe going to be our It could be our new local watering hole.

And again and still Dona Hughes, but they don't have a petite filet like this place we went to.

Today that was really good, really good food.

I mean, I do love their French fries over at Donna Hughes. They have a mean curry dip with it. But no, I mean that was then and this is now.

But cancer verse the first thing I always think about is O'donna Hughes when I think about your cancer version and you know it now, it's maybe the last year. Last year was very, very difficult of a time for cancerversary. And but to your point, it's it's weird to me still before you and I didn't even know each other when you were diagnosed, never met, right, had no idea

I was just trying to do the math.

So I finished my surgeries and all of I started I guess that was the end.

Of June July. So I met you July August.

I met you three months after I finished my last surgery and had just started on my drug regimen, which is nothing to sneeze at, to moxifin, which anyone who's been on it or who is on it knows that has a whole other set of side effects. So I was on that for the next eight years. So you did still meet me on my journey, and I had

All right, October thirty that we're sitting here on October thirtieth, twenty twenty four, but October thirty twenty thirteen. How did you get the news?

I was at NYU Lang Gone right there on thirty fourth Street, and I was alone. I went in for a follow up mammogram. I thought I was going to be in and out, and I got a cancer diagnosis from a technician who was reading my.

Sonogram. And she said, not that one, this is the one. Yeah, she said, yeah, yeah.

She told me the mass we found in your right breast is malignant. That is what she said to me. And I know everyone has a different reaction, but for me, I heard it in slow motion and some people might take it stoically and process it. I actually am not proud to say that I fell apart. I started, I started sobbing. The nurse next to me was rubbing my back. She said, I hate this part of my job. But I remember being so grateful that she was there and

So this was a follow up mammogram.

This was a follow up mammogram from the Mamma Van that I had had a few weeks earlier.

And that expectation was that this for everybody, for you and everybody in your world, friend's family or whatever, that this was just going to be a follow up, no big deal. But why was it you were in there by yourself.

Well, I was told by my obgyn after looking at what she had seen from the Mamma Van, that it looked like it was calcium deposits, that it was nothing to be concerned about. So it seemed like this was just a kind of check the box and make sure it's not anything crazy. So I had zero expectation that I was going to get bad news. So, yes, I was alone, and it was I would say, probably was the worst day of my life. I would say, I don't think anything compares to that.

And my biggest thing on.

My mind, and I think anyone who's had this diagnosis who's a mom knows, was how am I going to tell my little girls, who were seven and ten at the time, And that was all I could think about. All I could think about was getting to their weddings, getting to their high school graduations, getting to their college graduations, getting to all of those moments.

That's all it flashed before me. It was just about being a mom and not being there.

So one college graduation down, yeah, one to go in four years out and Boulder. Yeah, but so far, so good. And I was what you're talking about you got the news. I'm sorry, I thought you were about to tell that story of the When was the woman that was? It didn't feel that well?

Yeah, it was all there that right before she told me so, right before she had done the biopsy.

She had me.

When they did the sonogram, they saw the mass that was in my right breast and it was just one of two. Actually there was another one in there that was hiding. But she took my fingers and she put it up against the side of my breast and she said, you never felt that.

So it was that day.

It was the same day, and that was just like, shame, shame, shame, shame. You're right, I hadn't done a breast self exam. And then they did the biopsy and about ten minutes later. This is crazy, the technology that they had even ten eleven years ago. She said, we're going to have the results in about ten minutes. Is there someone you can call to be with you? And I remember it's so interesting.

To call somebody to be here.

That seems crazy, and I just and maybe in my own way, I was thinking, if I don't ask someone to be with me, then it won't be bad news, because obviously I don't think somebody tells you and asks you to bring someone to be with you before they deliver news without knowing it's probably going to be bad news. But in my mind, I wouldn't let myself think.

That you didn't take advantage of your lifeline, you didn't.

Play no no, And so I just I just didn't want to interrupt anyone else's day. And I also think I was protecting myself mentally, thinking this isn't going to be bad news, even though obviously all signs pointed to the fact that it would be.

It's been a hell of a journey and I know a lot of people have fooled it and know it, but today was a day I just I just wanted to take a beat. You and I have been talking all let me throughout our relationship friendship, even about this and what it means, but it's still a day you gotta stop. And I hate and I got it. I bounced out of bed this morning. I was so excited. I felt great, and it was like nothing could stop. I don't care what happens. We got some bad news yesterday.

Can I tell you who sent this to me today? Nick?

Nicky? I assume I'm not going to read the whole thing, but the last two lines of it say, the timer never stops running. All you will regret is not reaching harder for the things you actually wanted while they were still in front of you. Ain't that the freaking truth? You sent that to me this morning, I was like, wow, And this was after I jumped out. I was just nothing can stop, I say me, but nothing, nothing will get in the way of joy and celebration today. Nothing.

Yeah, And I think people point to the fact that if you've had the honor of knowing, loving, meeting anyone who is fighting cancer, I guarantee you you have met someone who lives their life to the fullest. I have never met more joyful, happy people than people who have fought and who are fighting cancer, because it just puts

But then it's moments like this, and.

It's days like these where I remember, and I hope to always try to keep that with me, thinking there may be a new tattoo in my future where you're just reminded of that, because if you really really think about it, all we have is right.

Now not being mad at me about stupid stuff exactly.

I know, but today feels today feels actually funny enough. This is obviously my I guess this is the tenth time I've celebrated an anniversary as it pertains to my cancer diagnosis, and I feel more hopeful and more joyful today than I have I think any other October thirtieth, I really do. I think today I just feel a renewed sense of purpose and humility and gratitude.

What do you want the rest of your day to look like?

Oh? I just want to have a blast. I want to dance, I want to laugh, I want to love.

Sounds like Monday through Friday for you anyway?

Yes?

So? And you know what, I think this is something to remember to anyone who has walked down this path knows this, but people who are looking and loving people who have this is something that's interesting. Once you've been diagnosed with cancer, it's.

Always with you.

You know. This isn't something where you're like, oh I'm cancer free, or oh I'm in remission, or oh my treatment's done, or I've stopped having to take that medication. It's always with you, and it always lingers, and you're always worried about recurrence, and you're always worried about what if, or the next test or the next blood test. But you know what I look at that is kind of a pinch, you know. It's it's just a reminder so this day for me or the next blood test I have.

You're here.

I'm going to remind you.

Pinch me well.

November first, November two, November third, number fourth, when we haven't how far out can I get into where I can stop using this as a reason, like in December second, if we get into a fight, say hey, baby, you remember you can't verse just a month ago.

I mean, tread carefully, That's all I say. But you could pinch me at mile twenty two and say you're alive, you feel that, you feel in some pain, You're alive.

I'm not. I'm more of an ass slapper while we're.

Running, all right, Just say you feel that we're still here.

We're still here, we're living, we're living.

Question.

Let's go keep enjoying, partying and celebrating. It has been a fantastic decade with you in a lot of ways, and this is a part of who you are and it's now a part of life and life moving forward I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate and to put it essentially on the record here with us and have a time to reflect here on the podcast today. So that's why I didn't tell you about it. I didn't want you to prepare for it.

Well you know, I don't like surprises, but this was a sweet one. So thank you.

Oh it works, Oh my god. Okay, it is gonna be a good day. And with the folks. Please don't be shy, please wish my dear lovely Amy, j Robot ain't happy? Can serburstree We'll talk to you also