Hey, I Do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Kathy Schwartz and one of our newest mentors here on the pod, Brian Austin Green and a new friend to me. So glad to have met you. And we're here in beautiful solving together.
This is unbelievable. This is really it's hot outside, but it is gorgeous.
It's gorgeous. Right, yeah, I was about a new friendship. How about our new friendship?
What if I was saying before and then you cut me off and you told me to shut up? What a great day today has been. It's been so incredible spending time with you, getting to know you.
Doing this here. You're gonna make me cry now, Okay, well yeah, soak those up, so soak those up, those chairs, okay, Brian cheers. One of the best things about you joining the I Do Part two crew is that you get to really bring our listeners inside the mind of a man, and I, for one, absolutely love this. So today I'm putting you on the spot here. I loved your podcast. I want to grill you on some things, Okay, but you go, You're gonna give me your brutally honest answer. It's all.
I know.
There's nothing like preform or prefab.
About okay, because you know I'm going to know the questions before you get okay, well I.
Didn't share them with you, but we're going to go right into this, and these are like rapid fire.
Just help me out. Okay, I don't I'm not rapid, Just so you just say.
You know what I heard? Okay? Do men find these things attractive or a turn off? If a woman does them quickly change at tire? Turn off or attractive?
Unnecessary? It's it's fine, It's fine. How about double text care? How about double texting? Oh yeah, you're you're pressuring somebody to respond.
Yeah, when I text you and don't answer and I text you again, how are you going to feel about that?
I will erase our conversation completely and I'll get a divorce ring made that day, just so you know.
I mean, I think I slipt through the marriage. But okay, all right, hanging a curtain rod, you find it attractive or awesome if I hang the chart and rod?
Yeah, I like somebody that that just sort of gets in, whether they know how to do it or not, and just does it and at least tries it.
Love it having an Instagram or TikTok for their dog or my case cat, you have one for your cat? No, but I have two cats. Okay, but you don't have an Instagram for your cat. Well I did, but just for about ten seconds. Divorce ring here it comes. You know, I was so in love with you.
I think I think that is ridiculous to have an Instagram or a social media page four your.
I actually agree with you. I agree with you. Okay, bench press? Now you know I lift weights. Bench pressing their body weight attractive or a turn off depends on what they're doing it for.
Okay, let me start over. I bench press. Wait, what do you do it for? Do you do it for fitness or do you do it for the way you are seen by other people?
Fitness?
Totally fitness, totally fitness. Then that's awesome. If you can binge press your own weight.
Okay, thank you, I'll continue it. How about this one wearing makeup to the gym?
Uh? It doesn't And I answer this one sure stupidest thing ever. It just doesn't make any sense to me. It's like you're gonna sweat, Like the idea is that you're going to go there and you're going to work out. I you're not wearing makeup for anybody for yourself. You're wearing it for everybody else. That's right, and you shouldn't give it. And you're there to work out, so leave the making. I think you're going for the wrong reason.
It's the same way I feel when I go to like a hike and there's somebody walking in nice shoes.
It's like, what are you doing? Well, that's just stupid, that's super problems with your ankles.
It's asking for like multiple trips to the shoe store to buy new shoes.
Yeah, I agree, total one. I have Miking boots. I wear mine. Okay, talking about this one blows my mind. Talking about astrology and taking it seriously and like, I don't know what sign you are? What sign are you cancer? I'm a What do you think I am? A Taurus? I am? Because you just almost said it, Oh damn.
Okay, but I'm just gonna psychic and your psychic.
So do you think it's attractive or turn off the woman sitting there talking about her astrology sign? I think.
Again, I think it depends. I it's I don't I don't generalize those answers. I think astrology is fun if it's part of somebody, if it's your.
Only thing, that cancer or always well.
That and then like all they want to do is sit and talk about astrology. You're like, can we talk about like in the moon of the seventh Sun? I'm over at Yeah, totally. I don't care what you're like your rising sign is it's too much.
I don't care. Okay, this one turn off or attractive to drink beer if a woman drinks a beer, I can't even we can't even do this one, Like, who cares if you want to drink drink? Okay? Pick up lines? A woman's got some pickup lines. I got some good pickup lines. Is it attractive if I come up to you and say hi, Joe? Oh wait and you go on money, it's not joannacho. Oh, I have a friend that looks just like you was saying Joe. By the way, what's your name? Yeah?
That's so cheesy. Yeah, that's I'm not a fan of pickup lines. You that was that was nice. I'm and you've never used that one before. This is the first first time I actually stole it from someone else, and I would never do it so it's a it's a six shooter.
I would.
You were here on a ranch, so I figured I would tie it all in together. Yeah, I don't to me pick up lines like you're starting off the wrong way.
Yeah. On the other hand, the hell are you supposed to meet somebody? If you you got to say something? Yeah, you walk up and you say hello, and you say your name, and you ask what their name is, and then you start a conversation and you see if you guys have anything in common. That's the way. Don't that's way too all right? All right? What about wearing at leisure wear when not working now, which is how I live?
So be careful what you said. Yeah, I don't. I look at me like I'm not. I just got my first, you know, country cowboy hat today.
First, I don't.
I wear leisure comfortable stuff all the time. The only time I don't. But when there's a dress code.
Okay, But what about a woman. Do you want a woman in an evening gown as a measure?
No, I know, I want somebody to be comfortable. I want to be able to enjoy our day.
All right, all right, I like it.
All right.
Now we're going to move into some questioner. Well, these are tougher, but they're specific for me because I am single. I was married for many many moons and my husband passed away, and so I'm in the dating market. I'm not engaged like you are. But you know, if there is a god this time next year, I'll be right there.
If there is a god, he's got you on the path that you're supposed to be.
I actually agree with.
That, and you will meet someone and you'll be in something if and when you're supposed to be. But if you're searching for it, you could sidetrack yourself from what path you're actually supposed to be on.
Absolutely agree with you. You're such a wise man. I actually agree with you. Okay. So I'm of a certain age and I am very fit, and I love to work out and I have a lot of energy. So I tend to look to date guys younger. So how should I dress, because you know, do I want to look my age or I want to look younger? You know, sexy, short skirt? How do I look sexy? But also, and I don't even like the word sexy. How do I look that I'm interested and I'm approachable, but also appropriate
approachable but appropriate. I could have give me these questions earlier, but you told me not to.
I think, you know, I think, I think honestly, you should dress the way you dress like it is. It's it again. It's going to depend on what it is you're doing. If you're meeting somebody for the first time, you're going to a nice restaurant, you're going to have dinner, you dress appropriately for that, but you still dress the way you would dress. Don't dress pretending to be somebody else or something else, because I think you're setting yourself
up for disappointment and failure. You are creating a version of yourself that doesn't actually exist. So you're only going to be able to maintain that for so long.
Okay, So mostly you're telling me to dress how I feel comfortable. So this means to wear with cowboy boots. It means how you would normally dress. Again appropriate to the situation. All right, what are younger men attracted to? Like? How do I make myself attractive to younger men? Another way of saying it, Oh my god, Well, I mean you have to decide what you are really looking for and if you want to be attracting younger men or not.
The reality is the younger men tend to be much more immature than women do.
That's true. But here's the thing men my age, you know I talk about on my podcast. They're used to guys. They used to ski, they used to ride bicycles, they used to golf. You were saying that, I said, And now they sit on the sofa with the beer and you know, and and a big gut and watch, you know, watch the march madness. I mean, it's like finding guys who share the same energy that I have.
I think, I think being one hundred percent true to your energy is the best thing that you can do. Again, because you're going to be you daily. So you can show up trying to pretend to be something else, but that's not going to last long and you're gonna end up going from a relationship to relationship trying to you fit some sort of a mold that you don't that isn't you. Yeah, And you want to find somebody to share your life with, yes, And I also want somebody
who accepts me for me. Yes, Okay this you know, I have a lot of questions to you, so this one, no.
I'm just gonna keep pummeling you. Yeah, but I do. I think you are why I mean this truthfully, I think you're a smart guy with a lot you have sage advice, So I'm going to continue on here. There's no surprise to you even though we just met. I do have a strong personality, no two ways about it. You do. But I also have a soft side. Here's the thing about me. You have to get to know me before I'm going to show you my soft side. And that's just why I'm built. I can't change who
I am. How do I not intimidate men so that they're willing to get to know me.
I think if you represent yourself in a way where you make it obvious that you're closed off to really connecting with someone, then it becomes intimidating for people to be around you because they feel like, what's it going to take for me to like get past the hard candy fell and get to the guy center?
You know?
I think you need to. I think there's a certain point where you maybe just in being honest in a situation and going listen, I am not someone that opens up right away. Then somebody knows that, so then they don't take it personal that you're not opening up. Yeah, but I think if you don't say that and you just are, you have these walls up and you you're a bit distant, people start taking it personally because that's we're human beings, and that's that's kind of the first
place we go to. It's like, oh, they must not like me because they don't want to talk about anything beyond this.
So so I often men have said to me, Wow, Cathy, you're beautiful, you're smart, but damn you're a lot and I and that hurts my feelings, and so I'll say something like I'll say something like I'm I'm too much. They'll say you're too much, and I'll say I'm too much or maybe you're just not enough because to me, if they can't do.
You say that though as like a defense mechanism to feel better for yourself.
Well, probably because I'm irritated that they don't want to take the time or don't have the ability or whatever it is, especially if I'm attracted. So you take it as an insult right away when you Yeah, I think I do, but it's mostly because come on, you're you're not you, Brian. But a guy that I meet that I'm interested in. Come on, you're a smart guy. Surely you see that there's more to me that I can have a vulnerable side. Are you just are you not
willing to do the work? Like I don't want to say that, but it's like you got to put some energy into this. What because I'm not a sweet, bless your little soul kind of girl. But are you are? Are you not as a defense mechanism or are you not?
Because you just honestly aren't.
You know what I'm saying?
No, Like, is it something that you have built in a lifetime of disappointments and things where you're like, I'm not going to share and connect right away.
Instead, I'm going to put this for no I can I can tell you honestly, for me, and I've just actually put this together recently for me to put myself out there and be really be vulnerable and really tell someone that I want them in my life. I'm afraid of being abandoned again. And you know, my husband died by suicide and to me, call it whatever you want, it feels like you know he left me. I wasn't good enough. There was a reason he left, right, even though it's not my fault. I know that, so I
don't want to be left again. So it's it's you're now, you're right. It's sort of a defense mechanism. I'm not going to put a lot of energy into this because I don't want you leaving me. If I decide I want you, and then down the road you say, hey, you know what do you want? I mean, what kind of a relationship do you want? Are you looking just to date? No, I'm looking for a permanent I'm looking this is I do Part two. I'm looking for my part two. I say it many times, this is the
last great chapter of my life. I want it to be the best chapter. I want it to be the you know, the longest it can be, but I want it to be the best and greatest chapter of my life, notwithstanding the great marriage I had with my husband and my three kids. I want to I look to the future. I try to look in the rearview mirror. So you know, that's kind of what I'm after.
I think though, So it's interesting that you said that that you look to the future instead.
Of in the rearview mirror.
But a lot of your actions are looking in the rear view mirror.
Oh, man, this is tough.
Why do you say, because you have these red flags and these things where you're like, Okay, I got to make them prove too much. I've experienced this before, so I'm going to make sure that this hurdle is cleared
before I jump in. But then when you look back, or to me at least, when I look back on my life and I think of my best relationships, my best relationship up until the one I'm in now, because this one we went into in a new way, which was incredibly refreshing, was my first because I went in wholeheartedly. I didn't have any of the red flags. I loved her and I was in it, and I had never had my heart broken before and I never had no
That was my first real relationship. Was the first time I really went into something and went, Okay, I'm like, I'm gonna do a relationship. But I think that you have to sort of go into all of the relationships in that fresh way. You have to be willing to possibly get hurt, to be loved fully, and to be in it fully and really really appreciate it and have it. You know, it's the hardest things in life, can be the most painful sometimes, but you have to be willing to.
So you're saying the risk is worth the reward, or can be. It can be Absolutely, that's great about it. I mean I feel like I it's not easy. It's not easy, and you're right.
I mean, I you think the road less traveled is called the road less traveled for a reason because it's the harder road to take.
Damn, how did you get to be so smart? I year's a failure. Yeah, well, you know, I'm not afraid to fail at this point in my life. I don't think I'm afraid to fail. I think I'm afraid. I think I'm afraid to be accepted for who I am. Not afraid that it can't that that's going to be really hard because I'm not your typical woman. I know that, and that's why, that's why all the that's the genesis of all these questions. I think I didn't I was special.
I'm just different from a lot of my single friends. But you are. But don't say that you're not special. Like, no, I'm saying I'm not. I'm not. You know, it's a loaded term. I'm saying I know who I am. I've done a lot of therapy. I am so clear about who I am and what I want. But I think sometimes that gets lost in the translation.
Well, and I'm sure a lot of times too, that will sort of cloud situations where you meet with somebody because you're so set on I am not going to be who I don't want to be and this is about me now and I'm going to you know, this is my power and I'm going to take and you can almost It's like putting a big log on a tiny fire.
Wow, you know. I mean, I should be paying for this therapy session, right, but I charge so much money. I'm worth it. I'm worth it.
But I think it's I think it's really important to identify what you really want.
I know exactly what.
It's a real honest, loving relationship. You need to be willing to put yourself out for it. You need to be willing to take risks for it, and you need to be willing to listen. I'm just heartedly jump in and go Okay, like this could hurt at the end, but this could be amazing.
But I'm also to remember I was married very young. I was twenty, so I'm just learning now. I mean, I've got a bunch of other questions that sound so inane given what we're talking about. No, but, but, but and yet and yet there are questions that are real ways to approach the whole idea of dating, if that makes sense. And so like, I'm not going to a bar. I mean, I go to lots of bars. I get it. I totally get it. I go to lots of bars. But to meet a guy. I hate dating apps. I
don't want them. You know, I've met a few guys that. But but to meet the kind of guy I want my it's not the same that you want to share your life that you want it's not the same as a So when I think about, you know, do I want to go into a bar and say, hey, Brian, can I buy you? Know, what's your name, whatever it is, you know, can I buy you a drink? Like? I'm not that kind of and I'm not. I'm from New England.
I'm a Boston girl. I'm a Yankee girl, which means I say what I think, I mean what I say, and I come off. Some people will tell me I'm rude. I'm just direct. I don't play games, so you can see that doesn't know what's play well, so walking up to some guy and say, hey, you know it's your name Joe or whatever, like that's really playing games to me. And so I want your opinion. How do I How do I tweak that? How do I I? So it's funny that you said that, because I've had this conversation
with people before. I'm from Los Angeles and I've had a conversation with people before about Oh, I love New York because they're just they're honest there and they just tell it like it is. And I always have that question comes into my mind of are they being honest or are they just being rude to because it's easier for them.
It's easier to just be kind of blunt and whatever and act like you don't care what anybody.
But I don't think I'm ever rude. I take it. I am. I try to always be kind of people, and that's not if you say, what do you think? Or I'm joking I'm a joke. But I don't tolerate rudeness. I'm I would never describe myself as right.
I agree like I don't tolerate rudeness either. I I work really hard, I live consciously every day to make sure that I am kind to everybody that I'm around, even if I'm having a bad day.
Yeah, me too, because you don't know what kind of day they're having.
I always say to people like, the only control that I feel like I have in life is the person I choose.
To be when you're living it. Yep, I agree. And all the time, right, I do all those things. I wake up grateful for life. I thank God every day I find something to be grateful about. But here's what I get a lot of. I live in Texas, you know, and Southern. I'll meet Southern men and they'll say, you know, I recently met a guy who said, you're so refreshing because you know, I was married to a Southern bell
and I'm done with Southern bells. I don't want someone to want me because I'm the opposite of what they had, right. I want somebody wants me for me being me. But it's at my age it's really hard. I don't It's like, as you get older, you don't have all the tools, all the not tools. I don't even know how to say it. You don't have access to the game changes. It's you know, the board, the game, the board of the game changes. It's like that instead of I mean,
I got all these metaphors. Instead of fifty two cards in the deck, let's cut it down to about ten cards in the deck because we're not wasting time with you know, hi, my name is. You look like Joe. So I struggle with being who I am and hoping that a guy sees through it.
Why don't you try making a choice, because that's all, that's all it is. I learned in therapy, like the things that I wasn't that I wasn't good at, that was that was who I was. I try now to be the person I want to be compared to the person that I am. So I would suggest maybe just really making a very poignant choice to be emotionally honest with people and sit and go you know this, like I normally don't connect this way. I normally don't talk.
I don't want you to feel put out or or feel like or feel like I don't genuinely like you and want to try this, But I'm very I've been through a lot of my life.
So what's too soon? What's too soon to say those things?
Because I say that from the very beginning, I say, you start that way, and and then and then if I get your too much, they don't. If you get your too much, that is not somebody you want to be with anyway. But you you, you act that way and you speak that way in the hopes that somebody really genuinely appreciates who you are and the person you're trying to be. And they go, oh, I like that, you said that, and thank you for telling me that.
And so now they've got that in their back pockets, so they they don't take things personally, which again, like we said before, we tend to do as human beings.
Your advice, I wish you could be inside my head because a lot of what you're saying, like even this conversation's hard for me to be honest because you've seen me. I'm a joke a minute, I'm sure, just because that's easy for me, It's totally I've been this way in my whole life. And so but I do let people in. I do let people in. But you know the guys that say to me, oh, you're so funny, it's like make me laugh, you know, it's sometimes I let a
man in too soon. That's what I struggle with when and you just answered the question when is it too soon? I guess the answer is it's never too sin, never too soon. It's never too sin.
It's it's better to jump right into it and then know right away. Okay, I'm not going to waste time on this anymore then to sit and to try and like put on a happy face and drag it out for three weeks and then all of a sudden be kind of emotionally connected to it and then be heartbroken if things don't work.
Okay, So, knowing me as you do, because now we're fast friends, what knowing my person, what's the biggest red flag I should look up for that's not going to serve me well? For you?
Yeah, somebody, that's somebody that is not going to appreciate your honesty. That to me, you are who you are and you are special because of that. So you want to make sure that you find someone that appreciates and loves that and and gets that sense of like, God, I know I can I know I can trust you because you're not going to bullshit me. And now that I know you and I have had this conversation and we've really connected, like I know and.
I have your fiancee's phone number I have to have a look over.
Yeah, but I know that like you and I could talk at any point no matter what is going on in your life or what life is going on in my life, that will have this.
Yeah. Do you think people Do you think people appreciate the honesty for sure?
Okay, I think I think people appreciate, uh, anything that normalizes and makes them feel like they're not so alone.
Okay, I didn't expect to get this. I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna be listening to this podcast. But but you know what, maybe someone will listen to it who I care about or who cares about me and will say, wow, now I get it. That is my hope. That's not that one person heres.
So because none of what I'm saying is anything that I found on that I came up with on my own.
This is all.
These are all things that I've heard and little things that people have said that have become light bulb moments where I go, it's not nearly as hard.
Yeah it should it shouldn't be. Okay, Well, I there are I probably have another one hundred questions that I could ask you. And I mean that, like I've I wrote a bunch of questions because I just you know, you're you're not a twenty year old and and and you've been through life, You've had children, you've had divorce. Say is you have a lot of wisdom that comes with age. So will you maybe come back and do another podcast with me? Okay, I'm gonna save my question. Absolutely, thank you, I.
Really thank you, or you'll come up with new ones now that we have the friendship that we do.
Yeah, I really appreciate you sitting down and talking with me, and I mean that, Brian, Thanks, thanks so much. Do you need some advice straight from a man? Call us or email us. All the infos in the show notes. Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.