Hey there, everybody, Welcome to another episode of Amy and TJ Robes. We not too terribly long ago, we found ourselves at a wedding, and the fact that we were at a wedding ended up making headlines because we were accused of some particular behavior at that wedding. Do you remember what I'm talking about here?
Oh?
Yes, yes, my good friend JK.
Long.
Yes, her wedding, She.
Got married and we had it was a great wedding. We had a really actually a really really good time that night. But the following day we got messages from people and we got some alerts and people kind of making fun because of several headlines that were out there about our behavior. Now, when I say I behavior, we need to be more specific.
Yes, it was we were accused of dancing a particular way on the dance floor. And yes, the dance floor was full and I was on it, but you were more notably not on the dance floor. You were just cheering me on, so to speak.
That's not what the article said.
That's not what the article said that we were dirty dancing in front of a hundred people or so on a dance floor, just showing a lot of PDA, and frankly, I guess the implication was that we were inappropriate.
Now, I don't mind the PDA. You and I are. We hold hands a lot. I mean we just naturally are that way. That's one thing. But that's not what this was suggested. It was suggested that something untoward was taking place and inappropriate on the dance floor in front of all these folks. The funniest part of that is that I have been going to weddings, of course, my whole life. There's only been one wedding in life that I did not dance.
At, and that was at Jk's wedding.
Didn't I get on the dance floor single time. And there's a very good reason.
For that, that's right, because this was actually a themed wedding, and the theme of the wedding was yatrac And if you've listened to the podcast, you know, oh that TJ is not a fan of yacht rock, namely because I think you have said this, I don't see how y'all dance to that.
Okay, and I think some would agree, But some of the things, at least you hear me or you play for me, I don't. I don't like them. Is one thing, but I find them difficult to dance to. And one of the most famous examples is your favorite maybe your favorite song, if not in the top three, at least is sailing right, Yes, Christopher Cross, go ahead, give.
The people, takes me away to where I'm going.
I'm trying to snap and sway now and can't get it. You can't dance to it, you just sway or you're just supposed to listen, right, It's not supposed to dance.
Just let your body move to the rhythm.
That's dancing.
Yeah, but I find there to be a rhythm and swaying. Swaying is moving, swang is dancing. The point being we were not draating. We were doing the opposite. We weren't even we actually weren't even on the dance dance floor.
When you hear dirty dancing, the first thing that comes to anybody's mind.
Has to be that movie that man Patrick Swayze, Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Gray. Nobody puts baby in a corner. I mean, how many times do you hear that a week? I mean, I think I said it. I think I said it twice already. This week there was a knitsa where a guy was in the corner. I'm like, nobody puts baby in a corner.
You said it, I did night guy was just trying to hold the door open for us. He got tucked in a little bit behind the door, and you said, nobody puts baby in the corner.
I mean, it's such a great line delivered by Yes, the one and only Patrick Swayze. And uh, I mean, I don't think even if the right music came on, babe, we could ever do it. Well, we just couldn't even I don't. I can't even imagine us ever even attempting dirty dancing.
Look, doing the Cupid shuffle with he was difficult enough, SOPHI will leave it to thank you Sidney. She gets it. But you think about Patrick Swayze, it certainly ghost might be I don't know, dirty dancing a ghostes when the first two will come to mind. But also Roadhouse I loved, and then point break might be my favorite point. It was a brilliant movie.
It was Oh my goodness, I think for me it's ghost first and dirty Dancing second.
Oh wow, okay, that makes sense, that makes sense. And we ended up watching a little bit of Roadhouse. We had it on because we were getting set to talk to you. Look, he's been gone now fifteen they have
the years, right, fifteen years. And his wife Lisa, who who's married to for thirty four years, thirty four years, right, She has continued since his passing to carry on his legacy by making sure she fights to get funding for research pancreatic cancer, which he lost his life after twenty months, twenty two.
Months, twenty two months.
I believe and deally with that. But she has carried on. But she's carried on not just as a woman missing her husband that we all know their love story, but she has her own new love story now, which makes which makes her I guess in a lot of ways. For some people, they look and they want to only think about her with Patrick Swayzey. But a lot of
us can look at it and not think. Many people do like another chance at love, another chance at life, and just this woman who didn't have to give up anything in her relationship with Patrick Swayzey to continue the life that she now leads, Lisa Niemi swayze But it described the dance that you were just talking.
Oh my goodness, I was googling Lisa and Patrick and I came upon this beautiful dance they did together. I believe it was in the nineties, and the two of you were on stage, and obviously you're both beautiful dancers, but to see two people who love each other so beautifully dancing in that way on stage in front of everyone, I was swept away. Looks like you're getting a little teary, because I'm sure those are. That's a beautiful memory, I'm sure.
But can you take us back to that moment of being on stage with Patrick And I mean the two of you met dancing.
Well, yes we did. I my first dance teacher was his mom, So that's how we met. And yeah, so we'd be he was my first dance partner. And I tell you what, the first time we ever danced on stage together, we did this Romonda padda and you know, when something clicks, and it was very classical, and he presents his hand to me and the lights were on. It was like a high school auditorium or something, and he presents his hand. I put my hand in his, and we looked in each other's eyes and was like, yes,
this incredible magic happened at that moment. So we pretty much stayed dance partners for the next thirty four years.
You know how much we talked about the one we just saw. We saw it on video, We saw you all in the public eye. But all of us, all couples, I mean, Robot and I, we do it. We dance around the house sometimes. But you all as trained and very good dancers. Did you all play around the house and were you just dancing around in private a lot as well?
Oh? You know, of course, you know there's some great music going on and you kind of get in the group and book it a little bit. But I tell you what, it would never dance with me on in public because everybody would be sitting around, going, what's he going to do next? That's an underglass. So I just usually out on the floor by myself or dancing with the girls. So that's funny, that's funny.
I just love though, hearing about that moment you two first locked eyes and you said it was magic. People talk about love at first sight, but that sounded like what you were describing it was.
It was. It was really interesting because we were had a little contential start because each of us he I had kind of a reputation as Castanova, I had a reputation as a bad girl, and we were supposed to stay away from each other. But it's really funny with some people know and I knew. I knew before we were done that something was going to happen between us that was significant, and I just I had every confidence in every bone in my body that that was what
was going to happen. I didn't know and culminate in a very long term marriage. But I was suddenly like sixteen at that time, so I wasn't exactly marrying myself off just yet.
Well I'm looking at you here now and hearing your voice, and nothing about you necessarily would say bad girl to me. I know that was a long time ago, but did you deserve that reputation at the time.
Absolutely not. Oh, okay, you know, I hung around with the kind of bad cool people because I didn't really fit in, you know how that is. So I hung around with the people who didn't fit in either, And but I was underneath it all as like I was. I was pretty conservative and cautious. So but I was so quiet that nobody ever knew what was going on with me. And when somebody sat quiet and I didn't
know how to make small small talk. You could see I got over that the the uh, you can kind of read into that person whatever you want to because they're not giving any giving you any signals.
Well, from what you know now of what you got to know about him, did he deserve the reputation of being a castanoakle Oh oh uh.
No, he he had. He had quite a significant amount of girlfriends and uh. Of course he was very handsome and sought after, but he I think he was looking for something more than just fooling around. So uh. And it wasn't that he was such, It wasn't he wasn't a womanizer. He was very gentleman. Link In fact, I was like he'd opened the door for me, and I'm kind of freak out about that. It's like I could
own on my own door. Awesome. He actually liked that because he was going places and gonna be doing things, and he wanted somebody to come along that could do it with them. You know, I'm not just sitting and keep file their nails. But he did have come up with a come off with a bizarrely huge amount of confidence, and he held himself really upright, and he was just so all American, handsome, talenteded everything that It just kind of made you sick. And a lot of people didn't
like them because of that. He was like too perfect. He was so perfect, he didn't he didn't fit in either.
Wow. You know, it's amazing because you all got married. I believe you were nineteen, he was twenty three, is that correct?
Yeah, eighteen twenty three, eighteen twenty three.
Wow, So not only did you get married young, but now you're in the spotlight. And Patrick Sweezey was, as you mentioned, America's all American, you know, just the guy every girl wanted to be with. Everyone remembers Dirty Dancing. My daughters love that movie. They love Patrick Swayzey. We were just watching rewatching Roadhouse this morning, just reminiscing. You know, it's such a part of coming up and Patrick was
such a big part of that. How I mean, you can love someone, you can have love at first sight, but so many marriages feel that aren't in the spotlight. And to have the love story you had, was there ever a moment where it got tough or you worried about it? Sounds like you all were rock solid from start to finish, and that's just a remarkable thing, and I'm curious, how did that happen?
Well, you know it's I love that term rock solid, and I always felt that way, and you know, things would get really tough, but we we fight it out. We had great, great fights, but we always hung in there, and our fights were about hanging in there. And I think for me when you brought brought up about the fame and how difficult that could be, and he's we're both being pulled in so many different places. He always made me feel like I was the most important person
in the world. And he would never let like we'd be going in someplace and we'd have bodyguards and occasionally the bodyguard would like cut me out. It's like and he's first all, He's just like, you don't do that to my wife, you know, Lisa come here, and or somebody leaning over and actually had a coat put on my head once because they wanted to talk to him,
and he just wasn't going to have that behavior. He insisted that everyone paid me the same respect that was given him and always made me feel important.
And loved what was his relationship with. Some people are run into they love it, some people loathe it. Some people just tolerated. What what did he like or not like about being as big of a star and the fame and things that came with it.
Wow, I you know, that's kind of a that's it. That's kind of an interesting question for Patrick because he used to always say, I'm a contradiction and that's okay, and because he had he had contradicting sides to that, because he definitely embraced fame. He was just from the time I ever knew, from the time I knew him, he was like, I am going to be successful and you will notice me and you will pay attention, and and then there's the other part of me. It's like
of him, that's uh. You know, we had we stayed on our little horse ranch and didn't go any place because we didn't want to be bothered by anybody, and so, you know, we isolated a lot, but we had our horses and our dogs and our cats and our friends, and so we didn't suffer.
Where if he had an option, where would he prefer to be on the ranch, you know, on the couch, hanging out somewhere, or walking a red carpet and rubbing elbows on our.
Ranch in New Mexico hunder percent. In fact, you know, we were both pilots and we had our own plane, so we fly back and forth, and sometimes it's like I could hardly get him to go back to La He just didn't want to leave. Well, I said, at one time, I said, hey, you know what, you don't have to do this anymore. We can go on a
mountaintop do carpentry. And he said, you know, you don't have to do this pressure and everything, because he was at that time he was very frustrated with some of his career choices and what he was and wasn't getting. And when I told him that you don't have to do this anymore, let's go do a carpentry on a mountaintop, he looked at me with are you crazy? Where we know where he stood on that one.
It sounds like both of you would have said, no matter what, the thing you were most proud of was your relationship and just your love story is one of the biggest legacies he leaves behind. But was there something he was most proud of professionally? And you mentioned his frustrations, but I'm curious what he was most proud of and maybe what he was most frustrated by.
Oh gosh, well, you know, especially when he got sick, he really questioned his legacy and he was concerned about how he would be remembered. And I have to say he needn't worry at all. You know, he's still very much of people's minds. And for every movie that he did, there's a different thing that he liked about it and or didn't like it. Well, actually he didn't. I don't think he ever didn't like it one of his movies. But it's just like City of Joy was very fulfilling
for him. He was working with a great director and he was doing great work. And of course, uh, dirty dancing. He liked a pooh pooh dirty dancing. You know, it's like, yeah, blew the lid off my life and blah blah blah. But you know, as the decades went on, and just like you mentioned your daughters loving the movie, you know, he was still alive when he was on his third or fourth generation of fans. It's crazy, it's like super crazy.
You know, these women coming up to him, from women coming up that weren't even born when the movie came out, So that's astonishing. And you know, he loved ghost point. It was just like an amazing ride for him. And I love it that he stands in the doorway of that airplane he says, Ostillo, God, I can't believe I don't remember bye bye or whatever.
You mentioned. He had thoughts about his the legacy, what did he was there more so a concern about if he'd be remembered or how he'd be remembered.
I think both. I think both in fact, and I wish I could remember. But there's a line that Toman says, and whatever Movi it was, I don't I'm terrible at names today. Were they going to get the kid out of the war because the boys have died?
Ryan?
There we go, thank you. But he has a line that basically says what makes a man? And and how will he be remembered when all of a sudden died And he, you know, he knew that he was had achieved great fame. He also knew that you know, at times he could be difficult, but I you what, most of the most of the people around him never saw that difficult side and absolutely adored him. And he was very generous with this time and very sweet and caring.
So I don't think he needn't have worried. I guess no. I mean, because whole life, you know, he was really he was really made to do this job that he ended up doing. From the time he was very young. He was trained by his mom. He was in the theater, he was a dancer, and so this is his whole life was geared towards this kind of career. And you have to take a step back and look back and go, how did I do?
He was doing so much all the time, and fifty seven is far too young to leave this world and to leave this life. Did he have unfinished business? Did he have things he really wanted to do that he didn't get a chance to do?
Well. I think he would have wanted to go camping one last time, you know, he he Uh. We were on our rent to New Mexico and we were walking outside one day and uh, it's a beautiful day. The horses were around, and and actually he did want to go camping. And I was like, oh my god, how am I going to do this? Because you know, at that time, he was getting a lot of medication and he was getting some pain stuff, and we there are bags at things, and and I thought to myself, he
wants to go camping. I have to find out find a way to do it. We're just going to go and do it. We're going to take all that s h I t with us. We have to. But anyway, we're we're walking along. It's a beautiful day. And he looked at me with tears in his eyes. He said, I want to live. Yeah. It was really Yeah, that's
what he wanted to do more than anything else. He just wanted to go with And it's a shame that, you know, h You know, when he first found out he had pancreatic cancer, he turned to me and he said, I'm a dead man because I didn't know much about pancreatic cancer, but he did. And from what he knew, anytime you heard someone did have Patrick acreated cancer, it
was like, well he's out of here. And uh and sure enough, the doctor said, you know, you could go ahead and treat it and be as aggressive as you want, but do you think about getting your affairs in order sooner rather than later. That's a that's a tough thing to hear.
He heard that immediately after the diagnosis.
Yes, yes, wow, yeah, because we it'd have been confirmed. Uh, he had a h orthoscopic into scopic thing that confirmed it, and he was pretty knocked out, and because he was in a lot of pain after that, and I couldn't tell him when he was like woozy, you know what a thing? That tell him? Huh, you got back granded cancer. So slept in the room with him in the hospital, and when I woke up, the doctor was sitting across from him and he was in the bed, and I
knew that the doctor had just told him. So that's how we found out.
Yeah, Lisa, that's his first reaction to hearing that diagnosis. What was yours.
Mine? The first thing I I, well, my first action was I called my sister in law, who's a brilliant oncologist in Houston, Texas, Yes or US, and uh, you know she's like when I told her the news, she was like, oh no, And she says, Lisa, we have to get this together. We need to find a pinacal trial for him. And I don't want you to delay. I want you to have him in treatment within a week and you know, just to come out with all
guns blazing. But it's your life turns on a dime, and it's just never going to be the same after that, and yeah, just everything shifted. And we always called ourselves optimistic realists because we knew in all likelihood how this was going to turn out. But we held hope that he would be the one that would make it through, because miracles do happen. But there was and we kept so positive about everything. But I tell you what it was like, living in a complete nightmare all twenty four
to seven. Yeah, and and trying to keep that positive energy because you know, I wanted to be there for him because We're going to fight this with everything we had. And if I sat down and cried and saw, which I did on a casha in private, he caught me once, you know, because I didn't every every outset of energy we had was going to go into helping him live. So it was a it was a tough rug.
I can't imagine with that kind of love and that kind of commitment for one another. Yes, he was going through hell physically and emotionally. But for you to be the one who has to be the rock that has I mean, people don't talk about it often enough what it's like to be the caregiver, to be the person who loves the person who's fighting and battling this and how did you he only caught you crying once? That that blew my mind. That's remarkable. How did you do that?
Oh gosh, you know, just now I find a place. I find a place to go on a crying jag. No, maybe maybe twice. And I think the first time I cried all the way home on a drive and scared the hell out of them. I just it scared them. And but yeah, it's it's it's very tough for a caregiver when you're fighting. You know, it's like it's going to war and it is a matter of life and death and that those are the stakes that you are dealing with. And uh, it's hard to take care of yourself.
And that's one of the things if I had to do it all over again.
Please no, please no, But you know what, Lisa of my life imagine, Oh my god, oh my goodness, but there are Lisa, people are gonna happen again.
My husband, my my wonderful husband. Now I said, I'm sorry, I'm going first.
Oh, I can't do this again.
You're used to this id coming out the other end, you know. I would recommend for people in a killer giving situation to really try have some self care, give yourself some breaks. I used to go to TJ Maxim's shop, paid two hours, twelve dollars T shirt later.
One of our favorite places.
I love it. I love it and the Uh yeah, so taking care of yourself. And I didn't do enough of that. And I because I always said I'll cry later, Scarlet, I'll cry later, but I can't cry now because I've got to be here for him. And uh, you know,
after he passed. In the ensuing years after that, I really paid a high price for stuffing down all those feelings and had to go through a lot of trauma treatment that I finally got smart enough to go ahead and address so I could kind of unravel all the things I had done to myself during all that time I stuff this feelings down. So, yeah, take care of yourself. Gotta you've got to be there for them. It's not going to help help them if you get sick.
So, you know, Lisa, thank you for putting Both of us are sitting here wiping tears for the past several minutes and listening to you. But then you threw some humor in there. Un that's something robot here. Everybody knows
she's a breast cancer survivor. She talks about this thing cancer humor, and it only seems that it's necessary sometimes, But all survivors and their caregivers often seem to be the ones It all seems wrong to laugh with you, but you clearly we appreciated the smile that you were able to just put on our faces. Just then about it.
But back to the idea of the caregiver. Self care is one thing, and taking care of yourself, but how important what do you advise people caregivers about letting your loved one who is battling cancer see your pain as well. It seems like you always want to keep it away from them because they're going through that cancer struggle. But is that something you certainly tried to do. But is that something you advise or recommend to caregivers who are
listening and people you've talked to over the years. It just seems so difficult to do.
You mean, to share what you're feeling with them?
Yeah, to try to Hie you said he only saw you cry maybe once or twice.
Yeah, Yeah, And I have to say there were a couple of times when the opportunity came that to have a really meaningful conversation about death and how he was feeling about that, how I was feeling about that, and it was it was too scary. It's too scary too
for me. And I wish in a way that that was my weak part, you know, in a way, I wish I had been stronger to be able to risk having that conversation with him, because it was so frightening to me that I mean for me, I felt, you know, I felt like I felt like the one who was going to die. You know, he got to leave, but I had to stay here, and that was, you know,
so kind of another thing. So anyway, yeah, so I think that it would have been valuable for me to who had sat down and have some of those really meaningful conversations with him, because I think he wanted it. But I think we were both kind of protecting each other in that regard.
I mean, you were, as you know, I know, you're a big advocate for pancreatic cancer research pan CAN, specifically the organization. You know, you're a huge advocate and an
amazing ambassador for that organization. But this is a disease that unfortunately, so many people are still going through walking through so hearing what you went through and telling your story in Patrick's story, I know, as you know, helped so many people just to not feel so alone and to learn maybe what you wish you could have done,
But my god, you did the best you could. Because who could possibly be prepared to handle something like that, because this happens suddenly, and unfortunately a lot of times people pass quickly. How long was Patrick's battle from start to finish?
And amazing? Twenty two months?
Wow?
And that that was incredible because in general, I mean, we ran into people who, like a good friend his brother, got pancreatic cancer. Yeah, one round of chemotherapy and after diagnosis he was dead within two weeks.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah. Yeah. But the arch usually people passed between because by the time you find out it's usually advanced. Usually they passed between three and six months, and seventy five percent die within the first year, and at time when Patrick was silt, less than six percent survived till five years.
Yeah.
Now it's up to a remarkable thirteen percent, which says we're doing something a little better now. Yeah, So more people are finding a way better treatments and better ways of diagnosing all of this.
I saw that and I thought, you know, that's amazing. The numbers have almost doubled from the time Patrick was diagnosed with a five year survivability. But still you're talking about nearly ninety percent of people after five years are no longer with us. That is a devastating disease and a devastating diagnosis. What do you want people to know about pancreatic cancer? What can we do? What needs to be happening? Just give us your your thoughts on what needs to be done that hasn't been done yet.
Well, then I tell you what this is. Why what fourteen fifteen years later, I'm still hanging in there because it's not always easy talking about this stuff. You know, it brings up, you know, memories that are you know, not all that pleasant. But I tell you what I know, and it's I know what these people feel like to fight for somebody they love, and to do it with a disease that has so little resources. It's like, yeah, we are, we all got to go at some point,
but give us a fighting chance. And that's why I hang in there, because I want those people to have the opportunity that Patrick want so valiantly for but the only way, of course, number one is awareness, well not number one number one, excuse me, money.
Yep.
Funding, federal funding. At the end of April, we do our annual walk, this Purple Stride at April twenty seventh. I'm going to be at Santa Monica Peer for that, but in like sixty communities all over the country, we're going to be doing this walk all on one day. So it's the biggest thumb raiser of the year. And I would encourage people to go to paincan dot org where they can donate or sign up to go into
the walk. But also bringing awareness so that we can know the symptoms of pancreat cancer, because earlier you'd catch it, the better because, like I said, usually it's so advanced by the time you do, there's not a whole lot of options. And like Patrick was stage four when he was diagnosed.
What were his symptoms, Lisa, what were patrick symptoms?
He had had persistent stomach pain, his stool had gotten pale, unusual and he came to me one morning he says, to my eyes looking, I said, yeah, they do you know? And that's because anyway, I don't want to get the pancreas cuts off the Bill Duck, the Billy Reuben doesn't get through, and so it changed does so that John Dust comes in. But there are other other ways, like unexplained weight loss, sudden onset of diabetes. What's some of the other ones. Yeah, persistent pain in your back, you're
adam him yellowing, Yeah, stuff like that. The sooner you catch it, the better.
So you mentioned a moment ago there are so little resources. You mentioned money, but then you use that word. It's a little that phrase, there's so little resources. But why is it still that it's hard to get people to rally in the huge ways we'd like to see for cancer as one of, if not the deadliest cancer out there, but it has the least resources and seems to get the least attention. Sometimes. We've had some high profile people,
certainly Patrick and certainly famously recently Alex Trebek. But what can you say to people listening to get them to maybe think differently and start to do more of a rallying cry for pancreatic cancer.
I know, when Patrick was sick, it was pretty apparent to me that everyone researchers are scared off this thing, like you know it is so tough, and what makes it so difficult to treat is that what works for one person may not work for another, which is why this targeted therapy and molecular profiling and everything to help direct patients towards the treatment that's going to work best for them. But that makes it really really hard thing to crack. Just like Patrick, he did get in a
clinical trial. I believe there are seventy five people and he was one of two that thrived on it. It's very, very tough. And then these pharmaceutical companies and bio companies, you know, becomes a matter of money, because why do they want to invest all this time into developing a clinical study when in all likelihood fail and a lot of them fail, and so but you what you need? You need more money?
Is that kind of hit right there? The bottom line is who wants to invest in something that they don't think is going to be financially beneficial? I mean that, I'm sorry, that seems like the crassest thing in the world, But is that bottom line?
Yeah?
But you know what, it's it's going to be people like us out there that are going to help be helped supporting it in PANCN does may I've just read how many millions and millions they've raised for research, and they are very keen on that, and they do a lot of research and anytime I'm in one of their
dinners or meetings, that's their first and foremost. But also pan CAN in addition to their fundraising for research, which has been very beneficial, they also offer patient services so that if you have a loved one or friend who is diagnosed, I would encourage them heartily to contact pancan dot org and you'll get a person on the phone that can help walk you through all the information that
you will ever need. It's a multifaceted organization. It's like a one stop shopping and they can even help you find a clinical trial to get in that might be near you and do a not hold handing because when pan created cancer comes up, you start learning a lot about something you never wanted to learn about.
You have been and continue to be an incredible advocate, and I know that pan CAN and anyone who is battling this disease or love someone who's battling this disease, is grateful to you and to your work, because it is about the power of one voice even to get people thinking and talking and doing something different. And I know that you know, Patrick is just cheering you on because my god, like what a legacy you are for him to be carrying this torch and to shout it
from the rooftops. People need to pay attention and people need to fund research to save lives because this is outrageous that we're still dealing with cancer and the way we are, that we don't have a cure, we don't have a way forward. And I applaud you, just personally as a cancer survivor for your work and how you honor Patrick. And I think another part of this journey. You mentioned that he got to leave and you had
to stay, and that's part of the pain. But I also think for anyone who's going through that or who has been through that, to look and see what you've been able to do, not only as an advocate, but personally. You did find love again, and I think that's an important part of this story. That your life didn't end, it's continued. Can you talk a little bit about finding another love. It didn't replace the love, but to be able to love again.
You know, Robert or and I both feel very fortunate, and he had gone through a very heartbreaking divorce and it was really wounded. And of course I lost Patrick, and it was about three years later. If we had met before then, we would have happened. But after three years we were about ready and we were introduced by longtime friends that we both known for over thirty years
and who vouched for the other person. And it was you know, I didn't realize just how lonely I was until much much later, because I've I'm a buck up kind of girl. You know, I could take it. You know, I this is not loneliness. I'm feeling your heart. I'm dealing with brief yes, But it was so wonderful when it came in my life. And what was interesting to me was, you know, you think, well, how could you forget Patrick? Are you kidding me? Patrick's still with me,
you know, I still have a relationship with him. It's just he's physically not here. He's in every day he's with me, and I feel him there. And what was really unusual was that and I really fell in love with Albert and it didn't affect interesting to see how it didn't affect my love for Patrick one bit. It was it was like, and I was talking to a girlfriend about that and how extraordinary that was, and she says, that's because love comes from the same Well I thought
that was pretty deep deep. Well, yeah, it's just like, just because you lose a loved one doesn't mean you stop loving and you don't have that love to give. And I think Albert and I were fortunate to find someone to give that love to.
Yeah, did you hesitate on your own even to feel like did it take you a moment to say is it okay for me? And talking to yourself, is it okay for me to love someone?
When he asked when he asked me to marry him, I was like, oh.
I'm sure he appreciated that response.
Just what do you wanted to hear? Yeah, you know, I was like, I was like, oh my gosh, well that's different because I'm already married. You know. It's like I felt like I was already married in a way, because you know, I still love Patrick. And I even said that Albert, I said, that doesn't bother you that I still love Patrick. He says, no, this is how I know you love him, and I know you love me, and I'm here to love you now. It's like, oh,
that's pretty nice. But I actually had a dream when we were looking at getting married and everything I had it was interesting. I won't go into a whole description, but it was like he was resurrected and I was in this courtyard and he came out. And when I see him in my dreams, he would never speak, you know, but I can understand what he was saying, and because I had many dreams about him. And he came up to me and I'm like, and he put his arms on me, around me, and he said, and I was like,
I can't. I can't marry a Hobert. Oh. I was elated. First of all. I was elated. He's back. He's back, He's back, and I was just so, but oh my god, I can't marry Albert now because you're back. Thank god, you're back. And he just looked at me and I in what his words came to me were says, no, I know you love me. It has nothing to do
with it, you know. He he just said this. I can't remember exactly, but it was like he he was letting me know it didn't change how we felt about each other, in our relationship with each other, and it was like giving a blessing.
Did you need that, Lisa, did you need a blessing of some kind before a nod from Patrick? Almost before you would get married.
It sure didn't hurt.
I know that. That was for me almost like life imitating art, because I kept thinking of the movie Ghost when you were saying.
That, Oh my gosh, yes, it was.
Wild you were describing that, and I was just I was seeing the movie in my mind.
Yeah, I I have to say it was. It was a really wonderful dream, just like what you what I said earlier, what my girlfriend said about love being from the same well and uh, well and going through the whole fight with heacreated cancer and this terminal illness and uh you know, it really focuses you on what's important in life, and that love and that's that was the most important thing of all, was the love that we had together. So it sounds like I'm quoting the end line of Ghosts, now, aren't they.
Oh it's I mean, it's so beautiful, I mean, and it's so inspirational, and it's not the way anybody wants perspective to be given, but my god, it is the ultimate perspective when you realize what's important and what's not. And sadly sometimes it comes in these types of moments.
Yeah, and interestingly, I've always coming out of that. It is like, gosh, I never want to forget this. I never want to forget that and what's really important in life?
And dang it, don't you know? You get involved with stuff and you know, got a house under construction and we're renovating this, and we're I can't get to my horses and I can't get to finish that, and you start losing track and uh, instead of just enjoying every moment that you've got here, because you know, you we don't own each We don't have each other in each other's life forever. We don't even have our own life. It's not something we own. And uh so we got
to appreciate it while it's here. And that's hard, and that's pretty be hard to keep track of.
The Lisa, and I asked, did you ever you all had a very public love story, And in your story, I'm thinking to about Kelly Rizzo, who someone we know who the course, the wife of Bob Sagett. He was a very beloved public figure and she actually came out it made a statement not too long ago, because she was getting criticism because she was dating after he'd been
he passed a year and a half with two years years. Yeah, but she even felt that she had to come out and make a statement about how lonely she was and to almost she wasn't asking for permission, But I was amazed that people were criticizing her for loving again or dating again. But did you ever feel that kind of thing, even internally or externally from folks that you all had this public love story and people only want to think about you two together, not you with somebody else.
Yeah? Yeah, And you know what, pretty quickly after Patrick died, I remember hearing about both by there and Carol Joyce. So it's the author, brilliant author, and she she started she like got married six months after her husband died, And I was like, oh, in the world could you do that? You know how in the world? And then as I went along, I went you go girl, good for you, you know, And another another girlfriend of mine says something wonderful life life is too short to not God.
I'm trying to figure out I'm going to make up the first part, life is too short to not find love and it's too long to be alone, so you know, get on with it. And yes, I got a lot of flack. It's like, how dare you? And for you know, there's some pretty rabbit Patrick fans out there and who think I'm evil, you know, just don't like me because I was married to him, and so I got there's a lot of flat that came on that, a lot of criticism and you know, you just learned to deal
with it and move on. So but you know, it's like i'd like to I was so temped as so many times you say, hey, hey, girlfriend, stand in my shoes. Tell me about it. Now, go ahead, tell me just because I lost my husband that I don't love them anymore. You know, It's like, how can I can just say that? You know, so ridiculous.
Well, it's it's I think anyone who has any worth or value in your life knows who you are and sees that and knows that you can you can love again, and it doesn't have anything to do with the love you had and still have for Patrick. And I love that you're speaking out about it because so many people are walking this path and so you sharing your experience is a huge comfort. I know just so many people, and again, thank you so much for I mean, this
is not an easy subject. It is, but it's an important one and just to really appreciate you lending your beautiful voice to it.
Oh that's thank you so much. And I love sharing about it because I know when I've heard people share their experiences how much it's meant to me. So I appreciate the opportunity to share it that.
It meant a lot to us personally. At least. Maybe you've never listened to our podcast before, but several episodes end up becoming therapy sessions for the two of us, and I will say thank you from both of us on a very personal level because I kid you not.
On the train ride to the studio today, she and I were struggling with something and something small, petty, but it had us kind of down down the dumps about what was going on and we needed perspective and we tried to get it on the walk away here and tried to come out of it on our own. But you are exactly who we needed to talk to today to to laugh, to cry, and to get a little perspective back about life. Sometimes you need reminders. We so we
thank you for the therapy session today. You were very helpful.
Great thank you