"Empty Nesting Has Been Good For You Guys"

Hey, they're folks.

It is Saturday, November twenty ninth, and man, we couldn't wait to welcome them home, and now we can't wait to see them leave. I know a lot of you parents out there got college kids that have come home for the weekend and are packing up and ready to roll. And we got two we kind of can't wait to get rid of ourselves. And they're sitting right here in front of us, And welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ.

Robes. Will you please explain who these two are?

Who who were putting on planes pretty soon?

Yes, so this is nineteen year old Annalise, of course, my daughter, and then her best friend Jenna, one of many.

Do I get you in trouble if I say you have one best friend?

Right?

But they are both actually now heading on the same plane back to Denver tomorrow.

And speak for yourself. I'm going to miss them.

Oh, there's an adjustment period for sure.

You know what was the highlight for you all? Was it really being fed?

Yeah? Seriously?

Literally a meal, that's it.

It's a free meal. But you didn't have to having.

To buy my groceries.

It's really nice and a shower and like a clean shower.

Wait, what happens in school? You're not getting clean shower?

No like our own showers that like are ours?

You're not sharing with somebody?

Oh wait, actually, let's get a count.

How many people do you share your shower with? Analyse?

Three people, two of them including guys, another girl and me.

Yeah, it's interesting, and how about you, Jenna? Three girls? So a lot of products everywhere, but.

How big is the bathroom that we're talking about?

There's two sinks and a shower and a toilet. Not not much room for three people, only one one thing?

So how much perspective has living away from home given to you?

About being back at home?

Life changing?

I feel like this year is like we've really been in the houses. We've had to, you know, shovel the snow, get the leaves out of the way.

You know.

It's it's really different. So snow are you shoveling? Not yet? Has it snowed and folder yet?

But it's the perspective is insane, big switch.

I'm very grateful.

I like sometimes forget that, like I have to buy new rolls of like paper towels, Like now they're not just going to show up in my moment.

But you know, that was a heavier perspective question than I was expecting this early in this podcast that you make a good point though, Do you now appreciate that you said? And at least like some of the simplest things. I opened the refrigerator and there's sparkling water in there, like there are supplies.

There's like surprise things, and the friends are like because like, we're not buying them, and we're home, so it's nice to see that. You come home and it's like, oh, like there's this in the fridge. I wouldn't have bought that if I was like changing.

We've been laughing listening to you all talk about so we so before we came on to the podcast, we were listening to Analyse and Jenna talking about living with multiple other people and having to figure out chores and who pays for what and who cleans up what and who cooks this. But I actually thought it was hilarious because the when the subject of toilet paper came off, it was, yes, what is it about toilet paper?

No one and no one wants there's always an alternative, like, yeah, my roommates will use tissues.

We don't have enough of tissues. If there's no toilet paper, I've used paper towels. Honestly, you have to get towels.

That like you use, like to only clean your face, like the one used paper. Yeah, sometimes we'll have to use this because no one will buy toilet paper. It's like the last It's like during COVID, But like during.

COVID, everyone's refusing to purchase us.

You all total, it was not that expensive. It really right, and we all have to have it. So what again?

This has been a while to me and you all. We talked about this earlier. I lived by myself for three out of the four years in college.

So what happened when you didn't have toilet paper?

No?

I was responsible. I'm the only one responsible.

So now is that that everybody's expecting somebody else to buy toilet paper.

You're the last person to use toilet paper. You should be the one to replenish it.

You know, what is the rule?

We actually there isn't a rule of us.

I have a group chat it's called lou Crue, and we almost send I'll send it and I'll be like, guys, it's time to buy a new toilet paper. I bought it last time, and I will just get left on like everyone will see it and just not answer.

And I'm like, great, a utility fund. What if you all just put into one fund and from this pot we're buying toilet paper paper to so but good.

But I think that.

There's always like like when anils is like, oh, like, guys, I bought it last time, then that like I did it last time kind of thing, like yeah, transfers over to like when it comes to like the garbage, like if the garbage, like if.

The garbage is overflowing, it's like, well.

I threw it out last time, so now I'm gonna make it overflow even more.

It's so funny to watch you all figure out how to basically create some sort of civilized communal living condition on your own without your parents' help.

It's really funny to me.

But the whole who's paying for the toilet paper thing just cracked me up, because it's something you take for granted when you're a kid until you actually realize, oh, I actually.

Someone someone has someone's paying for this exactly. This doesn't just magically show up.

God, right, first time I thought about toilet paper needing to be purchased.

I was eighteen or nineteen, Yeah.

Exactly, Well was to steal some put it in my suitcase.

Sleep hold on no home from New York.

She doesn't know.

She came to my apartment a few weeks ago and saw that we had fresh rolls of paper towels, and she was complaining about how she didn't have any paper towels and how I had like seven rolls, and I was like, analyst, you can take apparently you could take a roll of my paper towels.

At least we can't have this if we.

Please send you.

Do you have a place to secure toilet paper and paper towels in your home that nobody can steal them?

I can put in my room, but honestly, people will just come in and.

Be like, I'll take it.

So I have a question because this is interesting. I remember back obviously there were similar issues, but I feel like they have been compounded exacerbated because no one actually addresses these issues with one another face to face. I if you actually didn't have phones, which we did not have when I was in college, to text each other, you could leave a nasty note maybe on a countertop, but.

That was it.

So otherwise you had to then face to face have a conversation about that, and there is then a more civilized conversation and a more responsibility accepted or received because I'm looking you in.

The eye and I'm saying this isn't okay.

Agreed, And I still do that.

I do live with all of them, so I will track every single one of them down, sit them on the couch and be like, this is not okay. We need to do this and this. So I still do that, and it's way better. It works way better than a phone.

I think it's easier for me because I only live with two other people, so it's like like, but we have our bathrooms. It's two, it's like one full and one half. So one bathroom is only being shared by like like for the shower purpose. But there's a bathroom upstairs for like one roommate to use. And there's no tile paper in either of the bathrooms, so like, if there's no toiling in the upstairs, she'll come to the downstairs.

Just so Amazon's an Amazon subscription that just comes and goes.

But because we forget that, like it does like I don't have a mom.

You're saying is and when we are looking to put something in a care package.

Toilet page just put toilet packages.

Well, I have a problem with it if it's going to be used for people other than analysas.

But you know it, I know I'm not supporting that house.

Should we do bring your own toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom?

Should we like I do, I should not each break?

Really, I'm okay with that. This is I cannot remember this.

This is I had.

Six rolls in my room and I was like, this is mine. I'm going to keep this behind my door, no one can see it. And you know, I come back heit toilet paper. I had toilet toilet paper my room and I come back and literally I was like, two rules are missing.

I'm wondering where that was.

The funny thing everyone's in agreement on, like the toilet paper, not like everyone's like guys, we ran out of toile paper, but no one like will step in and be like, oh, like, I'll buy.

A new roll.

Can somebody tell me how much this toilet paper costs out there?

I think it's I think I just checked, like eight bucks for six rolls.

That's really not that bad like toilet papers. Oh yeah, okay, well whoa, what's twenty four? It's like twenty for twenty four rolls? It's thirty five dollars.

Okay, now, how and at least your house, how long will toilet paper last?

Y'all will go through a roll a day, two rolls.

A day, roll roll every two and a half days.

I'd say for the house, No.

For for my bathroom of four, but people use your bathroom. People are talking about yes, you guys like that's the that's the issue.

My house.

So many more people than you think that are using that. We have an open door policy. Everyone's just in and.

Out, so.

Lock our door, my windows. You can climb through my windows to go into our apartment.

But do you remember this, babe?

I do not remember ever thinking about worrying about or wondering where the toilet.

You aren't realizing that COVID there was an issue with COVID during toipapers. Like clearly toilet paper is like an issue globally to some people.

The first time I was ever concerned about toilet paper was during COVID.

In my life, I didn't know yourself.

I never had a toilet paper shortage.

Now play yourself.

So yeah, during college.

You were responsible for it.

And even now when Robes and I had two different places, if I got short on toilet paper at my place, I didn't sweat it because I would just steal one from her place.

Your understanding there, like you you realized, like, oh, if you don't have toilet paper, Aimy has tolepapers, so all go get it from there. That is the same concept of analyses the room.

Blocks.

But when we both don't have toilet paper, that's that's when we also right.

So we see what you realize you were missing when you were away when you came back home. What were you missing about being in college?

What we were literally just saying, I'd say, yeah, I'd say, just.

Like we were just saying how we are always like at school, we're always with someone, like we were living like we live with people like and we were literally just saying five minutes ago, how it is so weird being home because I think both of us like are very independent people that we tend to do more things by ourselves, but we're always surrounded by so many people, and like you live in such a big city and I live in a small town where like I see everyone I know, but most of the time by myself.

Change, Like I'm constantly like a get on the subway, I have my headphones done by myself, or like at least now or two, Yeah, walking around by myself. But yeah, definitely at school, I'm like, get away from me. Everyone's always around me. So would you prefer Oh, I don't know, I do I do love?

Do love an independent Yeah? I think. I think doing like tasks and like in ERNs.

I think in like errands and like that kind of stuff, Like being by yourself, you're more productive. Yeah, And I think, like when I do my homework, I need to be by myself or like I won't get my homework done. But I think like just being throughout the day, like having like the ability to just like see everyone you know.

I don't know how you lived by yourself. I'd freak out. I could not do it.

Obviously, I loved it.

Obviously I loved it because I didn't have a lot of the problems that she won't describe, and a lot of these dynamics and a lot.

Of those text messages that you all were.

Reading before we came on from friends and roommates that I said, these are relationship enders in my world, like these that's that's it. So hey, I know times are different. But she asked a question though about interaction. You said, you try to go face to face and dealing with things with people, do you, But do you think so many folks now are just so used to having a disconnect from that face to face that everything is via text trying to settle a conflict, and that's a problem.

Yeah, people totally hide behind their screen. It's really it's honestly sad to see. But honestly, we'll say, living in a house with so many people with sometimes issues arise, like it is. I've learned that I literally never text them anymore.

Like, well, I think guys. Guys are a lot more confidence exactly exactly.

And also I live with girls too, and I've had you know, we've had our there are more confrontationial, yes, but definitely going.

Well, that can be an upside. You were kind of saying they will take it on.

Knock on the door. I'm like, oh, you gotta talk this out. And it's it's good.

You imagine knocking on a female.

So we got to talk to never do that. Never. I'm like, can we speak? Tell me what a good time is.

I mean, it's not bad or anything, but I just want to talk.

I hate text messages when you're in a fight.

It just it is.

I think that like even like, it's so easy we live something like we all live with our friends, like and like, and Lisa and I live two streets away from each other, Like it's so easy to just walk over. Yeah, we're living tother next year. It's so easy. Like there's

It, like you said it.

Would you say that you've noticed a change of any kind in analyse this semester even from the time you dropped off. I know you went back and visited, but would you say there, don't tell me what they are, But would you say you've noticed something different?

Yes you have?

Yes?

All right, well, folks, stay with us. When we come back after this quick break, we will hear exactly what that is. And we'll also ask the ladies here is it better in college to live with guys or girls? All right, folks, welcome back. We continue our conversation with and I was joking off the time. We're not trying to get rid of them.

And Jenna our dear Jenna. Who Jenna? We didn't explain to the top.

We met Jenna in in Spain when we went to visit Annalise her freshman year. She was studying abroad, and we went me you Ava went on that trip, and I said, who the hell is this fire crack? Who is this Jenna person? She was one, but naturally I swear to you, Jenna, I swear to you from the moment I met you, and everybody left as I like that one.

Yes, everybody like that one.

Very true. And yes, no, you've got I love.

You're authentic and I think you know, in a world where that is lacking in a lot of ways, when you meet someone who's just a genuine person, you know them immediately. And so we were very excited that the two of you became good friends, roommates and now soon to be roommates again.

So it's awesome to have you here.

But yes, you asked me if I have noticed a change in analse, and yes, and on a couple of levels. First of all, I've noticed an increased amount of gratitude. Yes, okay, yes, I've seen you say thank you Mom, and just a sweetness and a genuine appreciation of things this time around, and I think that definitely comes from living.

Yeah, it's way harder living on your own.

And it's funny because I used to make fun of Eva, my sister, and I'd be like, stop taking all the lacroix from mom, like stop taking all the toilet paper from the house.

And now I understand.

And that is definitely makes me reach a sense of gratituity.

And you know what was cool too that I also just I asked, I said, I know I'm not imposing a curfew on you, and I know you're used to coming and going, but when you're here, will you please text me when you get home. You know I'll be long asleep, but I usually do wake up in the middle of the night when I know you're here, and to just turn over and see your text makes me know you're safe.

Been pretty good yes night.

Yeah, But like I think before you might have laughed or scoffed, and you were actually like I was.

I was.

I was excited you actually did that.

Also, I noticed when you came and you cooked for the first time, I didn't have to say, Anna, you cannot leave the kitchen. You can't just cook your things I always appreciated that you were a self starter when it came to preparing meals on your own. You didn't wait for someone else to cook meals for you. You would do it on your own. Yet you would leave your mess behind. This time around, I was, oh my goodness.

And that was a big difference conversation.

It's because I have so many roommates. I mean, I'm a stickler. I'm like, you guys, better keep it clean.

So I have to set good examples the exact same thing. At home.

I would like either like leave my laundry, like my laundry out, or I'd be like a cop in the sink.

And I know it will get cleaned up when I'm at home. I know it will. It's gonna be like my mom is like a crazy like like she needs everything cleaned up too.

But because then I'll actually if she leaves it in for like a second and I catch her like all off it, I'm like mom, like if I have to put her to my so to you right.

And like but now it's like.

An automatic reaction because I know that if the second I don't do it, like I.

Know, I would lose my mind if my roommates didn't do it. So why like, why do I do it?

Okay, let me ask now, have you all noticed any changes in your parents since you've come home?

Now?

Interesting? I think the empty nesting.

I mean you guys have you know, to be in and out, but the empty nesting has been good for you guys. I like, you really.

Seem happier. How would you describe the energy, the mood and the house. I mean, the vibes are good, guys, Like I.

Came in and the candles lit everywhere, and you're like, look, come home.

That's so funny.

She said this because right when she got home, when she was like assuming that she was gonna be here by herself, she was like, she was like, okay, like I'm going home, like I'm gonna have sucking. I'm like, I'm going home to a home I've never been to yet, like shadow her like if I see my room like so, And then she texted me and they're back and they there was a drink her in like they said everything up.

We didn't explain, so Annelie told us the day she chose to come home, and it happened to coincide with a little mini pre vacation that we were taking before Thanksgiving to the Caribbean. And when we found out the day she was coming home, we were gonna be getting in about what five hours after her or something, and so we decided to change our flights come back a day early to surprise her. But by surprise, we didn't tell her. We were just like, you know what, and

There is there is an April Spirts waiting for me. And I was like walking down that big suitcase and I was like mom, I'm also blind and I couldn't see her, and I was like you, I think I screamed that from the from the start of the hallway.

But she was so excited.

I have an April Spirits waiting for me, like I have new clothes, and.

She like.

Gift.

Well, it was a new home you had not been to.

TJ and I moved in together, and so this was a place you actually had not lived in yet, so we had some welcome home gifts.

It was very nice.

And back to the question I don't want you guys, I do think you've also become more like appreciate, not that you weren't appreciate it for me, but I also think, like you know, we spent a lot of time together, and so when I leave and then I come back, it's like, well all happy, sunshine.

And rainbows, no.

Anthing, just just just straight.

There was zero tension, no this strip not.

I think that's like the same at home.

Like I live in such a small town that like coming back home is seeing every single person I've known since kindergarten, which obviously Sam has pros and cons, yeah, but like there's nothing really to do in our town. So it's a street like I live on. I have

My cousins flew in from California for the holidays.

Like it was like nice to see them for like a little bit, and like I can portion like the amount of time with like my friends and my family because there's so little to do.

I don't feel like I have like a whole checklist of things I have to do.

And I also think that I was the one with my parents that had like the stricter side because I'm the oldest, so like I beat that curve for like my siblings, and like I feel like they have such an easy life right now, and I'm sitting here, like the.

Younger siblings always always coming in.

Constantly with like new clothes and everything. I'm like, where, Yeah, that's mom, God from I'm.

Like, oh said the same thing yesterday.

She no, she said it. She's like Mom never did that for me.

Yeah, But then it's always gonna be a battle I'll never win and she'll never win.

I don't think there is winning still to the question to you though, changing your parents at all anything, Like I.

Think the same thing about like we're not fighting. There's not really anything to fight about.

Like they come home and I'm coming home from being so independent that. I think there's like there's a barrier of like them like casting all these rules on like what I can do when I'm home versus in high school when I was living under their roof completely. Obviously they're still like like paying for everything I do, like and living, but it's not like like I I'm living my own life and they're like it's not like they're

It's like very like on my own.

And the other thing I had to ask, who is it easier to if you had your preference to live with three guy roommates or three girl roommates?

Do you mean her guy roomates or just any gas?

Oh wow, I don't know, Telly. Is it easier in les experience so far?

Has it been easier to live with girls and guys?

So I've lived with both, so I think have a pretty good perspective.

Yes, I will say it is fun to live with guys.

We throw some great parties, we have we have fun nights, you know, we play games. It's it's different than I'm not going to say there's like honestly, there's more drama with guys.

I can't even I was gonna stop you.

Very people say girls have more drama, but honestly, I think guys do. And I love them all and it's great and it's amazing, Like they are very sweet.

How do guys have moua.

Because they're so they're wait her guys. They throw tempertend about the launch her guys.

They have your particular guys.

Yes, recently, Yes, my laundry.

There was recently a large, massive fight about someone. Someone did take someone's wet laundry and put it on.

The roof of the the top. I just left it there and then but his in the in the dryer.

But this is all over, This is back to the whole text was over text texting verse person.

This was all aggressive text.

This fight did not happen face to face between guys.

Two men, Yes, two men.

It's honestly, it's like it's entertainment that I don't have to be like in the middle of the drama, you know, because it's like that's the male drama.

Drama back and yeah, I think there's more drama in her house revolving around Yes, how the men. Actually, I will say, we like in.

Spain, we would we would get airbnbs for the weekends that would consist of like not room for ten of us, but we would have ten people that would make it. We have been in like really tight spaces, like together all together with a bunch of guys, like with the guys, and I will.

Say, I don't, I can't think of I don't being in a.

Spot with them is just not not your like ideal way of living. I mean, I will say the location based of like their house of having like the majority of the guys on the bottom floor, it seems to it's pretty their own spye like space. But like last year when we would go to their house, like we at least I stopped going because it was too dirty.

Right, So you're saying that living with girls is easier.

I agree, I am yelling at them.

Well, I honestly don't think they're kind of it's a fifty to fifty chance. Honestly, girls are messy too.

The girls are more like you're gonna pay a fight over. Yeah.

I think it depends on the girls. I think it depends on the girls, depends on the guys.

Speak in general terms. I think in terms of cleanliness, guys are girls. Girls okay. In terms of cooking, guys are girls.

Girls.

In terms of cleaning up, guys are girls okay. In terms of social relations in the house, in terms of just overall getting along, guys are girls.

The guys because I know, like there have been a not there really haven't. Hasn't been much drama in my house, but you know there's the occasional yeah, and I will say, like the guys do it are like guys like we don't want this to happen, like let's all be happy, and they'll try and like fixing.

Yes, but then they'll hold it against it, like it'll come back around a week later.

And it'll be pilled.

Do you try?

I think I think that living with I think guys, like especially the ones that were friends with I think I honestly think that bringing them to Spain was like very was a lot more like mature and like matured them a lot because they like were living on their own in a foreign country.

But like think that they matured.

I think if you brought them like these specific guys, brought them straight to Boulder first, this would be hell and it would not work. But I do think that Spain definitely did help them, because I do see a level of maturity that changed from like us coming in August to like us leaving in disaber.

I mean, it's it's documented. Boys just mature later than girls mature faster.

Once they do mature, I think.

I think once they start, it's like a lot quicker than girls do.

Think Okay, then girls think that way later. Start correct. At the end of the day, everyone's maturing at the same point. Gradual, build, you know what you effort, you both.

This has been so fun.

I hope so a lot of parents listening to this,

They're going to get it.

They're going to understand why you did what you did and why you maybe said what you said. And I think it's just a cool reminder that, yes, you can be friends with your kids again, and this has been fun and we're looking we know you're leaving, but you're coming back in two weeks for Christmas for a month and actually stalk with us.

I swear we're looking forward to it.

So thank you, Jenna, thank you Anna, please, and thank you all for listening.

I'm Amy Roeboch alongside t. J.

Holmes.

We hope you have a good one.

H