Bennifer & Birthdays

Hey, folks, it's ship birthday.

That actually it was my birthday and Robock made it special, but it might have come at the expense of Roboq's mom. Also, we showed one of our birthday celebration selfies to a friend last night and she started bawling, crying in the middle of a restaurant. Also in this episode, just because it is your birthday, that does not mean you're getting old. Researchers now say aging is not gradual, it's sudden. There are two particular birthdays in which we all age durstically.

I love it when you say we're going to talk about things that I have no idea what you're going to say, or that we were even going to talk about that. So this is going to be fun for all.

Oh no, no, no, you're now The one I did keep from you for a reason is about the birthdays and the research. There's research out there that shows we all feel like we're getting older and we're aging, and it's a slow process. There are two ages in particular that research has now shown that you drop off and you just age drastically. On two particular.

Birthdays, fifty because I kind of felt it, you've hit one. Yep, fifty, I felt you hit one.

But I'll also tell you this, fifty is not one of them. Oh okay, So if you you always don't hit till fifty, then you've had you prolonged. You're doing better than something that was the first time.

Well like this year, I've really felt it more than I ever have. So okay, I can't wait to hear really okay.

But the there are two questions I ask you every morning. Now. The one is obvious and certainly it's we're in the middle of our marathon training. So it's probably the most annoying thing I say to you every single day, and it's often the first thing I say.

You say, are you ready to run? You don't say good morning, you look beautiful in the morning. Hey sweetheart, how did you sleep? No, are you ready to run?

See you threw some things in that that made me sound like a bad boyfriend. That was unnecessary. You don't even ask you don't even ask me how I'm doing. No, it's sweetheart, and you look beautiful. It's dark in here, sweetheart, game see you. I assume you're beautiful because you were last night. Hopefully nothing changed. But the other question I have been asking for the past couple of months at least, because I don't look at a lot of headlines. I

Is what's the latest with j low yep?

Every single day, because I don't I just got into the habit. I don't read tabloid stuff, so I ask you. Oftentimes your answer is, well, I don't know. You give me some minor update of some kind.

Yes, I will either have seen it on Instagram or seen it on my iPhone. Headlines and we you know, we have said this. We don't believe the headline, so it's not necessarily something like oh wow, Ben moved out, Ben got a new home. All j Lo is vacationing solo in Europe.

You know.

So I've told you all of those things like from Instagram that she's actually posted, because that is the only thing I actually can believe is something that she has posted. And then still you have to infer you know why she posted it or what the picture might mean, and that's also up for absolute It's no one knows for sure why her intent, why she decided to post something. But that's my only update I've been able to get.

Okay, I want to speak. I don't want to speak for because you can confirm the entire time when you when you have been giving me these updates, I roll my eyes and say, well, yeah, I don't believe any of it.

Yeah, And I said it looks like they're headed for divorce, and you said I don't believe it, and I said, it looks like they're living apart. I don't know that that's true. So and that's fair, and I think that's a healthy mindset, especially with what we know from the industry and also what we know based on what we've been through. Yes, that they don't get it right a lot of times, but this time it does look like all of the rumors, all of the innuendo, all of

Oh yeah, I didn't know about it last night. We were exhausted from trips and traveling and partying, and I didn't know until I got up this morning. And you know what I'm going to look, you texted me firs thing because we ended up in two different places because I was exhausted last night at eight pm and you were going it was seven it was seven thirty.

Actually you're right, it was seven thirty, but you were up at midnight, so that's good.

It's not but I was exhausted and I gotta I said good morning. You'll the first thing, wow, it was at three twenty two. Oh my god, is when I messaged you.

That's not famn unusual.

It felt normal to me, though, well.

They know what you know what because we have not spent apart in like three months, and so this was the first time you didn't actually like, hey, what do you mean? So actually I appreciated the fact that I didn't see it until my alarm went off at six am.

So the at three twenty two I message you, good morning. I am so sad. First thing on my phone is about j Lo filing for divorce. That was the message.

You have been invested, I am.

I have, and this is awful and I haven't gone through. And I was going to incorporate some of what people are saying into this episode, but I couldn't even bring it, bring myself to read through a bunch of stuff.

Do you know what? This all goes back to you and I and actually George Dephnopolis. We're all sitting on the set of Good Morning America the day after j Loo and Ben got married, and we you came in and you're like, this is such a great story seventeen years and then making you know they had loved each other all this time, they lived different life and then finally when the dust settles, they come back together, they find that they were meant to be and they get married.

It's heartbreaking in my that's all. It was just from a human standpoint. The movie she put out and all that, it was just from a human standpoint. Anybody who has been married that many times, who has been who's had that many relationships, who has gone through all that she's having to do it publicly, But my heart goes out to anybody who's doing that privately. I just happened to see all of this because she's in the public eye, and I just I don't know how it's being viewed.

I know, I know you were, and I think you know, for a lot of you know, we have some connections in the sense that we've had multiple marriages, we've blended, you know, we've been you know, the blending of the families, watching them have their kids be invested in each other. That all takes work and time, and you're and it's obviously the most important part of the whole relationship is that your kids are okay with it. So they spent you know, time doing all of that, and it's just sad.

You know, the I'm going kind of off. It's not really off subject here, but it'll make sense to you. And and I say, Sabine. Yet people don't know. Sabine is sitting in the room right now. We're recording this. My daughter eleven year old, but she'll get it. Are our latest fascination, happily ever after ninety day fiance, right, I got it right. The scene we roll our eyes and laugh and it's entertaining and ridiculous and all the

It's the hardest thing to see your kids be in pain based on decisions you've made, and I think you know having been and walked that road, it is the hardest part of a breakup and then having them trust you again to say no, now this is the person

Well, how would you describe if somebody's described and say, hey, what do you know about Jaylah? What's the first thing they're going to say about her right.

Oh my gosh, she can't stop getting married.

Okay, Okay, here's the thing.

I'm not saying that. I think that's what people would say.

She's a superstar. She's a singer, she's an actress, she's an icon, she's beautiful, she's a dancer, she's all these things. How far do you go down before somebody says she's a mom, she's a stepmom, she's a daughter, she's a sister and aunt, she's all these things. We don't see him as human beings. First being right now is is suffering. A couple of human beings are suffering right now, So

So Morgan, who you all, hopefully any good or loyal podcast listeners will remember her. She is mine, one of my best friends, who is living with stage for metasatic breast cancer. And she grasps life like nobody that I know, and she feels and she shows emotion, and she's vulnerable, and I just love her for all of those things.

Yeah, I don't after you told me the story, I don't know if I want to look at the picture again because I might start crying. I didn't put it in that kind because we were in the moment and just enjoying the moment when we took that picture. But it does. It means everything. And there were times I think we've talked about it here where you and I and so being sa being we're not in the same

They're all in, and they said can we bring friends? And you know what was also cool about the August nineteenth date is that was exactly one year ago where I was and I would just say, reintroduced to Sabine as your girlfriend, because I've known Sabine since she was two probably, and my girls have babysat heirs since she was that same age, so we all knew each other.

There was no awkwardness, There was no for us. It wasn't a big deal like we went and hung out as we didn't think, oh, this is special. Obviously we've been hanging out plenty from graduations and birthdays and all kinds of things, but this was one where they elected to, yes, let's go celebrate TJ's birthday and all hang out together. That was a that was a really really big deal and it was a it was perfect. The birthday was perfect. And that's weird to say because you think about birthdays

Because everybody everybody had places to be, they came to.

I went to bed that night, or fell asleep on the couch. You were laying on me on one side, and Sabine was on the couch on my other side, kind of with her feet and her butt propped up against me, and I'm still watching TV. And that's how I went to sleep on or that's how my night ended on August eighteenth. So you woke in the time

That night, such a good thunderstorm.

But I could have my head on the pillow turned one way, and I can see the love of my life sitting laying next to me. And I turned my head on the pillow the other way, and I can see my little love sleeping on the couch. That is how I went to bed on my birthday, and that's how I woke up on my birthday. It was perfect.

That's so cool. I didn't really realize that, but that makes so much sense. I loved that.

It was absolutely perfect. You know, all I want to do is cook because I need to give me a grill.

Let's do it because I love to eat. So that's what we're made for each other.

That could go badly in a few years.

Don't worry. I'm going to keep running.

But I keep but I grill. I don't feed you bad stuff.

That's true. That's very true.

Now I see you looking at your notes.

Because the cooking was so much fun. And while some of the times we were cooking or cleaning up. The girls kind of took to their own devices and started playing games, and that was really fun to watch. There were card games I don't know the names of, but there were spoons. At one point they're slapping. There was all the yes it means laughing, I don't know. We didn't partake in that, but we ended up getting together in on the on the game night, and that was

I meant to have. I meant to bring it so we could give some scenarios.

It's like the worst possible thing you could think of, right, And whoever came up with these scenarios, I would love to just I'd love to interview because they're sick. It's twisted and you have to decide and rank which would be the worst of the worst scenarios. It's hilarious.

I'm trying to give me one. Go ahead and shout it out to me under.

A collapsed building, or stitch your own wound on your cha.

Oh yeah, that's right. Was it a bullet wound? Yes, your own bullet wood. There was one that was like stitch an open wound on your own chest? Or would you rather be stuck under a building? Would you rather eat your best friend as you're stranded.

On an island.

There were all these weird things, but they they they make you think you have to rank them, you have to rank well. Anyway, we got really caught up in that game. That was a blast, but it was a perfect birthday. I didn't get the cake I wanted, but I got a cake.

Yes, So what did you request?

I wanted a triple layer cake with three different flavors on east layer. I didn't think that was that complicated.

Well, Sabina and I made a two layer cake and it was fun fetty.

My point is why even ask I feel like that was a compromise. It wasn't a compromise. I asked for three layers, it's two. I asked her three flavors, and it's something that a five year ol wouldn't even ask for.

But it was festive. Okay, next year, I promise you it will make you a three layer cake. And you just but you didn't tell us like the flavors I did? You did chocolate? Oh okay, so fine, Okay, we'll do that. It'll be amazing and next year it's on.

I can't thank you enough though you all. Look you, all the effort you put in. You've been saying for about a month now, which is a little a little arrogant. It was a little annoying. She kept saying, yeah, I nailed the birthday gifts. She was saying it for a month and you did? You actually did? I don't want to the main one, I won't tell until we actually it's an experience.

Yes, that was the big The big gift was an experienced gift, which those are my favorite gifts to give because you can't return them. They don't get broken or lost or don't get scratches on it. You and you remember it forever.

This is a go and this was absolutely perfect. It's one and we will talk about it when it comes, and it's coming at the end of September, right, Yes, so we will. We will do it as we get closer. But there was other stuff. One of them was the most one of the funniest things I've ever received. But it goes back to when were we in LA and it's happened.

That was for the iHeart Radio Awards.

Was that what month. Yes, so something happened in March and you've delivered.

He delivered, So we searched. I guess it was Hollywood. Was it Rodeo Drive?

No, no, no, no, we'd have found it on Rodeo.

Yeah, right on Hollywood. We went to on Marshals because TJ thought he needed to stop.

Stop. Wait, wait, you're gonna say this is the wrong way and get the wrong impression.

I was just gonna say you needed a little extra bling on your fit. I knew you you're gonna Okay, how would you describe it?

It's very simple. A lapel pen.

That's it.

Men, a lapel pen. It's not a it's not a complicated thing. But men are often dressed in very basic way. You know, I'm fairly conservative dresser. I'm not gonna wear something just wow, very loud. So you just put a hint of something, just a little lapel pen, a little flash. You can have a little diamond in it. If it's a metal even better. But you didn't call it that. During an taping of a podcast in La And it was the funniest thing.

Up, I said that you were on the hunt for a jeweled man broach that doesn't sound the same, and it cracked us up. I was tremendously and so I remember, like I think the next day or two, I put I always keep a list, like gifts for DJ and when things pop up during the year, which is a good thing to do because you always forget, I'm like, this would make a great gift. I was like, find a jeweled man broach.

You know, let's stop. Get this. This is your public service announcement. Everybody's always stressed out about what to give their significant other for their birthday or Christmas or anything. It is so simple. All you gotta do is pay attention to them three hundred and sixty four days out of the year, and then when the birthday comes on, you've nailed it. Just pay attention.

I have a notes folder and it starts anew and I write them down. And it has been amazing, Like I knew something you really liked or someone you really like to listen to, and so I thought checked to see all of that stuff. And so it worked out. And I will tell you it is hard to find a man's like a man.

Broach because they're not out there. They're called the elephants. Do a different Google search.

Probously. I did the other search and I'm just saying this for fun, but they aren't that easy to find, actually, a bejeweled one. I could have gotten this simple one. Anyway, thank you, David Yeerman. I did find one.

And it's nice. It's actually kind of perfect. And I wore it out that day when we lunched and it was so you nailed it absolutely. But then the ultimate gift was very good. The experience and the card was awesome.

Oh yes, can we talk about the card?

What about the card?

So last year I came over, I was all nervous. I was gonna you know, ce Sabine. I was meeting TJ's parents. Oh yeah, and I think in the fluster of bringing his gifts over, I left the card at the apartment at my apartment, and so I had to give it to him the next day and he said, uh, this is late. It's not my birthday, so it's just gonna have to wait until next year when I open it. So he is held on to this card for an entire year, and then you forgot to bring it to your birthday celebration.

You know what. And I know this sounds petty, but I am petty. But I'm fun petty. I'm not I like like certain types of petty, but this is a petty I like. Right, you didn't give me this gift on my birthday, so why the next day? The next So what if you had not given me my birthday gifts? Somebody doesn't give you a birthday gift on your birthday and they give it to you four days later, you're going to think one of them.

It's a belated birthday gift.

It's a blated gift. So you missed my birthday. So that's the way I feel about the card. So now we have a tradition that I and my petty ways have set up that every year she gives me a card on my birthday, that card won't be opened till the following year, so it's a delay. So the card she gave me on the birthday this year I will open August nineteenth of twenty twenty five.

Did you open?

I didn't?

You didn't open the belated one?

You know what I thought it was? You know, I thought that this might be a good moment to do it. Sabine, can you help me out, please? Baby Sabine has the card that you gave me, Oh my god, for my birthday in twenty twenty three. You can see it has not been opening. It's sealed, says TJ, has got little hearts on it. I have not seen this card.

I don't know what it says.

You don't remember.

I have no idea where the card is. I have no idea what it says.

Do we want to commit now to whether or not I should read it? You can, no matter what.

I mean, going, No matter what I mean, it's something. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious.

Oh my god, there's a whole letter in here. All right, let me just read what the card itself, whoever made it, says on the front. It's tough being both handsome and humble, and yet somehow you manage both. Happy birthday. Now, there's a lot of stuff in here that you wrote version. I see devilish sense of humor in here. Okay, deeper, I fall in love with you the Yeah, I'm gonna leave it there.

I have no idea what I wrote. And you know what's so funny. I knew obviously that you hadn't read my card from last year, So as I was writing your card for this year, I got deeply concerned that maybe I would feel the same sentiments and write similar things, and I thought he'll actually be able to compare them. And I thought about that when I was writing, Okay, this is you.

Okay, I'm sorry, tradition is over. Okay, sorry you're writing something. Thinking oh my god, No, I was.

Just like, what if I said the same thing last year, because I don't know, but I don't think it's true.

Well, I won't know until next year, is the thing.

So also, just to continue the tradition, you gave me two cards for my birthday this year, one to open now and one to open the next year. So I have the card, and that's also stressful to make sure you know where you put the card. To find the card a year later, I know you have it.

So I'm petty.

And that you have a devilish sense of humor. Apparently I was already.

Aware of that. But no, I do thank you for what that was. And again, Analyse and Ava and Montgomery and Nive love those girls, and again the friends have become a part of the family with me over the past couple of years. And it was it was a perfect, perfect birthday, and I enjoyed it, every bit of it. I love that and you and to be made it made it really really special. So thank you for that. I don't feel older because I haven't hit a particular

Guess so obviously it's not fifty, because you've just told me that. So I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess thirty, and then my next guess is going to be.

There are two ages, so thirty is one.

Thirty is one for mine, and and the other one would be I would say like seventy.

Five, seventy five. A lot of people they've done research on seventy five. That isn't what this research now. So what would you say, Andy, Well, if the two ages that research now shows people you drastically age at the on a molecular level at these two particular ages. What would you give.

Feel like forty is a big one because you're finally out of like young, I don't know this category, and then maybe like seventy, well okay.

He's closer. Okay, the two ages that they say you drop off drastically in age forty four and sixty.

Oh wow.

Research was done. Some of these researchers were out at Stanford, but they show on a molecular level that there is a drastic drop off in the behavior of your molecules at those two particular ages. This study was done luck they used over one hundred people and follow them for years. But they are particular molecules that actually have to do with keeping tissue together. And at forty four and at sixty,

Oh wow, wow, But isn't the thing we all don't?

We all have somebody in our family. I can remember my uncle Muhammed when I was a kid, saying no. No. When I got old, I was in my thirties and he said, man, how do you stay in shape? He said, Man, when I hit forty just everything change. Oh yeah, how don't you heart?

People say that absolutely yes. I mean, I'm I feel like I'm struggling running training for this marathon more than I ever have before. And I ran my first marathon at forty six. But I've no to shift. I'm like, WHOA, I'm gonna have to do some things differently. I'm gonna have to fuel differently. I'm gonna have to sleep differently. I'm gonna have to make some changes because I'm not able. I just don't think I'm able to physically do what I could do even a few years ago. I have to.

I'm glad I'm getting you now. On the upside here.

Well, you've already hit one of those.

I haven't. I haven't felt it yet.

You haven't.

I haven't felt that yet. But we were Ernie Hudson, we were talking to not too long. The lack of a better way to describe the black Okay, yes he loves that, he said, seventy. But everybody can pinpoint when I hit. He called it mister jiggles or something in his stomach. Everybody has a thing when they hit. This actually makes sense to a boom. It hits you at one time instead of a gradual getting older.

Well that's good to know. And that actually almost made me forget what I forgot this past week. Oh you're going there, okay, of course, all right. Just wanted to make sure I didn't want to forget what I forgot.

Why don't you just transition to it?

You could have just you know, I'm horrible transition. It is not my strength.

So everybody's at fault here. About the birthdays, there were so many talked about how much fun we had and how much emphasis we put on the birthday, and so much attention was on the cake that I had. That wasn't what I asked for. But while she was so busy doing all these things. What is it? You know, a lot of Leo's. Your dad's birthday is August thirteenth, your mom's the fifeenth, yes, fifteenth, right, and mine is the nineteenth. I think we might be missing somebody. There

And all my daughter's friends, like you know, Ava's roommate Raye, his birthday's August twenty second. Her best friend Ava Cluoso is August thirteenth. There's just August is filled with lots of birthdays. So folks.

On our trip out of town, while we were all hanging out, having a good time, everybody's all smiles, family together, taking pictures. It is a good sign. Oh my sweet Lord, baby, baby Jesus. We forgot robots mom's birthday.

It was gutting and I've never forgotten it. I mean, I had sent gifts to their house, but they were traveling for their birthdays. I facetimed my dad. I was the first text he got that morning. I sent him a happy birthday on mo Oji and just all Dad, I'm gonna FaceTime you. And we did and it was lovely. And my mom's birthday is two days later, so how could I forget that? Well, we were all caught up in the anticipation of celebrating DJ's birthday, and we were

You know, it didn't It fell to odd because you'd been talking to her all day. It's not like you just didn't speak to your mom during the day. I don't even know if that makes it.

Worse, it makes it worse. I was texting her and I didn't say happy birthday, and I had done it for my dad, so that it was just I and then I just felt so bad. And then I was texting her and I called her my dad. They were in the middle of doing something and my dad the first day, she said, was when he answered the phone, and I thought, oh no, he dropped something, and I

She was great, and that's one of those things you were never you would were not going to be okay until you talk to your mom and she let you know she was okay. That was a bad when we had a rough hour or two anticipation because I think you tried to facetimer once and she didn't answer.

Didn't answer. Oh, and my mom always answers, And I was like, oh, no, she's.

Mad at me.

She's not answering the FaceTime, and then Evan Anna both looked at me and said, Mom, we forgot her birthday too. So all of us did it, and we just felt awful, like terrible.

Yeah, hey, kid and grandkids forgot the birthday. We were all here, sell it right, celebrating the new guy. We forgot mom and grand Yogi.

Yeah, I yes, but mom and dad both Happy birthday guys, and I just I'll make it up next year. It's going to be amazing.

Have you forgotten one before? Can you remember forgetting somebody's birthday that was a big deal?

No, I really think that is the first time in my life where I have forgotten. I mean my nephews. Sometimes I'm scrambling at like nine pm to send them an Amazon gift card because I have done that, but I've I think I've always sneaked it in, and also my mom has helped remind me. Sometimes I'll remind the girls. But I was I was wishing that. My dad, oh yeah, texted me and said, remember it's your.

Mom's Okay, okay, Papa Robach, if you're listening your daughter for about ten minutes turned her anger to you, like, why didn't like you?

You're genuinely made my dad not tell me like you texted your mom today. It was not his fault, obviously, I just would have been so grateful you done that. That's all.

Okay, that's well. You every once in a while we forget a birthday. I don't think I forgot you know what, either, I've messed up and like said, have a birthday on the wrong day before, okay, but early, Okay, that's better. It is better. But it wasn't a like I genuinely forgot your birth date, right, but I got it in early, so it wasn't a belated I've done that. But somebody that close to me, I don't think I had, right.

I mean, other people, I'm sure I have, but someone that close to me, no, this is the first time.

And dudes don't care either way. There's no friend, a guy friend of mine ever cared. I'm Miss Trick's birthday every year, you know what I'm saying. And he's never complained, right, not one you get right, Hey cares.

But like if you forgot your mom's birthday, how would she react?

I don't know because I would never do such a thing.

I feel awful I do. I am going to make it up. Next year. They're going to have an amazing seventy second birthday. My mom is gonna whatever it is.

But Andy's gonna help us out here, folks, whore gonna rat with? I know everybody is messed up a birthday in some way, form or fashion, and there's always pressure around birthdays, and when you get older, it seems a little ridiculous, like what are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to celebrate? Who are we supposed to celebrate? So our super producer here, Andy, that you all are familiar with, he has a list a dozen dues and

Yes, number one, do shift your birthday mindset from aging to gratitude. Gratitude means having the privilege to age another year, So I should feel happy that you're able to get another year.

You know what, a lot of people. I don't like those folks who say it's my birthday, don't give me anything that's not celebrat Oh I hate that.

Oh I get actually angry. In fact, I think I have made a dinner awkward. When someone complained about getting older, I said, it's a privilege to get older. What's the alternative if you can't celebrate that? My god? Like, just rethink about what it means to get to your older That is an amazing thing. You got another trip around the sun and you have. I kind of look at it as a reset too. You go, you reflect, and then you say, what do I want this year? What

We reset for new years, right. Everybody wants to start a new and all fresh. What use your birthday that?

I love it.

I'm with you. That's a definite. Don't do it. Don't that's all gratitude do have gratitudes.

Don't is stressing over sending reciprocal birthday wishes. It's not take a penny, give a penny, don't keep score.

Oh I like that they sent me a birthday wish. Now I have to send them up. That's a good one.

I love that.

That's a good one.

Uh.

This next one is do see if your office lets you opt in or out of a birthday celebration, because many, not all, may want to celebrate you, but if you don't want to be celebrated, make that clear with your office.

Yes, with the office cupcakes, and they make a big deal. Some people get embarrassed by all the attention. I mean, I personally don't love it when I get a big sombrero put on my head and the band comes out singing Happy Birthday. That's not something I like at all. Do you like it when the restaurant comes with the big song and the clapping hand you know me right, and the firework for a candle?

How many times in my life you think I would have allowed that to happen?

Zero?

Okay, I will stop them at the kitchen door. Don't even come out.

I know when we went out to lunch one time, I think it was maybe it was the day before your birthday, and I thought, no, I'm not going to do it.

Oh, you crossed your mind.

I laughed about how normally a lot of times I would go to the waiter and say, hey, it's a birthday.

Did you consult with the meme?

I no, I knew you knew that.

I didn't get that.

I had a little thought pop in my head, and I laughed, and then I thought, I actually think you'd be mad. If I thought you would be like, you'd laugh it off. But I thought, no, you would actually be pissed mad. So I didn't.

All right, the next one, and I actually did this one recently. Keep track of the birthdays for key people in your life. Mark special days on your iPhone or calendar. Yes, I deleted my Facebook, but before I did, I went through the whole Facebook birthday list and made sure to put all the people that I actually would care to write happy birthday, to make sure to put those in my calendar as alert.

That's amazing, And I don't know why mine did not pop up. That's such a good point, because maybe I don't have my mom's birthday in.

My candy didn't tell you they didn't, you would need to.

You know, I have a question. Do you know how to take birthdays off of your calendar?

It seems like you figured it out right now.

I never put it off on. You know, when people in and out of your life and then maybe you don't want to have their birthday pop up?

How do you get I don't have that though. I couldn't what people don't come in and out of my life. They're here or they're not. No, that's no, there's no in and out right.

But maybe at one point you wanted someone's birthday to pop up on your calendar, and now you don't want to see you show Okay, I actually genuinely need that direction.

And give yourself a couple on the alerts. You know, get an alert a week ahead of time, a few days ahead of time. That's that's perfect, that's very good.

The next one is don't ask people their age. It's not polite. Don't do it period.

When you do that, I think after the twenty first birthday you should not ask the age. It's fun up until twenty one, and then no one wants to tell you. And what do you want to know?

Damn? Okay, even to me, it was like that was strong.

I'm sorry. I actually personally don't mind telling my age, but I would.

All the time anyway. That's why though, So you don't care if anybody asks because you've put it out there, right, so.

But I respect that someone might not want to you were okay?

But my issues people going off about like getting mad that. So is it inappropriate and rude? Is my thing? Is it actually rude or just I don't know.

I think it's probably rude because I guess my question is, why do you want to know?

It's your birthday? What are you turning? That's a natural question. I'm going to a concert tonight. Who are you saying? That's kind of a natural follow up?

That's really rude?

Heading to a restaurant? Oh, where are you headed? What kind of food?

That's not a why do you want to know?

Go into a movie?

What are you saying?

None of your business.

Is not the same. Yeah, I think it's I think it's mostly a female thing.

There we go there it is, so we don't.

Want anyone to view us through the lens of our age.

Andy, do you care if somebody ask you your age?

Not?

Really? Okay?

Yeah?

Yeah, but how old are you thirty three? She just asked, You just said, don't ask people.

They I did that on purpose.

Yea, it was hilarious. What you got next, Andy? I mean thirty three year old Andy.

The next one says, do make it clear who's paying for the celebration. If you're going out to a bar or throwing a birthday party, the organizer should always clearly convey financial details before the party. Do not let it go unsettled.

So this has always been something where I have thrown birthday parties, like for myself and in my opinion as a grown ass woman, if I'm going out to a bar whatever, I'm picking up the bill. That's how I look at it.

But if you're the organizer, if you should be.

Correct, okay, correct, But if you're going out for a dinner, you know a lot of times everybody will say you're you're not throwing your credit card in? We got you at your birthday and so yeah, but I don't know. I just feel like, for me, the one rule is if I'm throwing the party, I'm picking up the bill.

And my one rule would be if we're all going out to dinner, no matter who organizes the birthday boy, the birthday girl does not pay correct fairly right, Yeah.

The next one. Don't mention gifts on an invitation. Adult birthdays do not or should not come with the obligation of gifts, and you need to be aware that there is no including a wish list.

That's I yeah, I agree with that. I think like what you're putting in a And by the way, if you come, here's what I'd like.

No, I've seen one or two people really like adults.

Yeah, like how old?

I mean three?

Like a link to here's what I'd like you to buy.

Me, kind of like a suggested wish list. If you're thinking of ideas, here's what I'm thinking.

Wow.

Yeah, and all I wanted was a frickin cake and I didn't get that.

Got a cake.

You're oh, don't all far me? Okay, yeah, see this is why we don't have to There is no I don't know anybody that's like me except for her.

Oh, you guys are exactly like And I would say Annaly's is similar to the two of you, But no, the two of you are two peas in a pod.

And that's why I don't like her. A lot of times. Oh I love her I can't. I can't. I'm not used to receiving what I'm used to.

So she equips right back, that is, and I applaud it.

Okay, go into the next one, don't or sorry, do let the birthday girl or guy design the guest list. So let your friend.

Yeah, you should have a say as to who comes to celebrate your birthday. Correct.

Yes. I did have an issue with that with one of my friends though, where they put us on a group text and then left the group text. They're like, this is who I want to invite, and then left the group text and we're like you all planned from here? Oh oh, which I don't know how I really felt about it. I mean, it went fine, but it was like kind of awkward in the moment because then everybody was just awkwardly scrambling. You don't know half these people

Oh I was going to say, you were at one of my birthday parties. How about when someone who you didn't invite and actually you said please, I only want I don't want because if you invite this one person, then it creates a whole other group of people who feel like they got excluded. So how about when that person comes to your birthday party uninvited? And TJ witnessed this time. It was my forty third birthdays and I

Please everybody, if any indication of not to do it. This was eight years ago, and you heard her voice. She's still hot. And I remember this other.

Group of people who I didn't and I was again I was paying for it. Oh I if I invited her, then they all had to come to right because she then I knew other people were going to find out that she was at my birthday party.

And then then they would say why wouldn't they?

And then I just thought. And then the person who said they were bringing her, I said no, please don't, and they came anyway. Yeah, how about that?

Okay, whoever's birthday it is should be in charge. They should only have exactly who they want in the spot. That's the bottom line. Okay.

Yes.

The next one is do tell people it's your birthday if you want them to know. No one is a mind reader. Remind people or put the big day on your outlook calendar to subtly get the word out.

So if it's your you need to remind people is your birthday.

They're saying that you can if you want to tell people to feel confident if you think someone may forget or kind of like when my mom text.

Text with the look at how nice this resort was to me, Yeah my birthday.

Yeah, mama Robak, this is your fault.

No, well, actually she did what you're supposed to do. It's it's you gently remind me.

It was like eleven o'clock at night. We need more than that. I'm kidding. I was just out our fault. But that's a weird one to remind people that's your birthday.

If you want people to know what's your birthday, don't expect them to remember, I guess is the point, right? Yeah?

I think it helps with your clums not clumsy, but maybe not as like mindful type like it's your birthday week. It's it's just nice to like put the word out in advance, like hey, it's my birthday this week or what are we doing?

Yeah, and it lets people know that it's important to you.

Yeah.

I can't imagine you doing that. Yeah, it would feel it would feel sad, be like, it's my birthday today and I just walking up the people's saying, you guys free, anybody want to celebrate?

I got you.

But to that same point, I think it's kind of weird if somebody did do that but they didn't tell you, like a day or two and before, right, it'd be weird if all of a sudden it was like your birthday today, and I'd be like, oh, that's okay.

You You should not have to send a text on your own birthday. That should all be incoming.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. You should be reading text not sending them all right.

The next one is don't assume how people plan to celebrate. Not everybody wants to go crazy on their birthday, but it's nice to check in to ask how the person celebrating their birthday actually wants to celebrate.

That's perfect because we would probably be the opposite. You want a whole bunch of people around and jumping and yelling and screaming and all this.

So if it's that, it's more like music dancing.

I just said jumping and yelling and screaming, that's what music is.

That's for white people.

I didn't say that. I say you, I don't hang out with any of other white people.

Just not true.

Well, all the white people you bring around, I'm kidding.

There's no other way to dance to living on a prayer other than to jump.

That's actually true.

Yeah, that's my favorite song.

The next one is do own it if you forget someone's birthday. Yep, you can apologize, but don't sweat it, okay, And.

That's exactly what I told you. Yes, I said she's going to be okay, that's nothing. There is no makeup there. You can't no do good nor just let it be what it is. I know you're upset, wait until you talk to her, and it's going to be fine. Yeah, that's true.

And this last one is do think about how you want to celebrate. If you're not a party animal, skip the huge bash, think about what you want your ideal day to look like, and then invite some friends along.

That's it. I love that and I got that. That's exactly exactly what I did. All I want to do is be in the sun. I want to grill, I want to cook. I want to have good drinks and folks around me. I love. And that was it, but just laid I don't like going out necessarily on my birthday.

Yeah, well, I loved. I loved the week. I loved the time we had with everyone, and I loved how willing and happy you were surrounded by six girls. That is a lot for most guys. So I applaud you for I don't want to say tolerating it, but just you know that that is that is but that is a lot. That is a lot of women all in one space around you. But you were It was a blast from start to finish. It really was. And so I loved what you requested because it just was perfect.

So I thank you for it. I think it's being that's sitting over there for and then Elise and Neva and Montgomery and me for making a wonderful, wonderful trip. So and it was it was another chapter and page turner for us in this whole saga and relationship and just family and life. It was a it was just another marker of a moment. And so I thank you for it. It was a great birthday. So thank you, I love you. I love you too, baby, and thank

I wonder where it's an attitude though, it's a way of living. Yeah, it's just fun.

Okay, folks, you know where to find us on our official show page at Amy and TJ Podcast. We do have something really special coming up. I think in a couple of days. Our next episode is going to we have Sabine in the room now because she's not necessarily a guest on the show, even though she just wanted to keep talking over there. But we have another very special guest coming up on either tomorrow for our next episode will feature a very special guest.

Yes that's right, and stay tuned for that. But in the meantime, you can find us on our official Instagram page Amy and TJ Podcast.

Just for Embasis, we wanted to say it again.

All right, I'm going to stop now, have a great day everyone.

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