A Christmas Proposal?

Hey there, folks. In this episode, we're gonna start off with a couple of questions to Miss Amy roboch yes or no. Christmas Day marriage proposal, Are you okay with it?

No?

Question two? And give me a number how many months of dating before you give a Christmas gift?

I think just a number four months?

Question three? And I need a yes or no? Do you still get Christmas gifts from your parents?

Yes?

And that's just a few of the things we are pondering in this Christmas episode. If you will of Amy and TJ look the proposal thing. It makes sense. But we are in proposal season November to February, and it makes sense why we are in the thick of it.

Yes, this is what do they call it cuffing season?

Right? People want to get cuffed together because it's cold. You want someone to keep not just your heart warm, but your body warmed.

I don't know if that's really true, but yes, I think you asked.

Me before we started the podcast. You asked, actually the room, what we thought the biggest day of the year was to get proposed to? And your response, I thought it was New Year's Eve or New Year's Day?

Well, were there's again Andy, they said, Hey said Valentine's Day on Time's day, which makes sense.

No one said Christmas that is the day, but that is the number one day for proposals.

Some of the surveys out there will have different two, three, and four on the list, but they pretty much all have Christmas Day as number one, And some actual surveys have been done out there, and that is the number one Christmas Day. Once I think about it, I guess some of it makes sense. It wouldn't make sense for me necessarily, but I can see why. The family is

And also you don't have to buy another gift, like all your money could just go to the ring.

It's like you're killing two birds with one stone.

Why is a stone? I am the one that's in this, Like I was being heartfelt in my response about what it was, and you're taking some what is this approba?

I'm just saying it's financially it makes sense too, because you already have to buy a gift, so why not just go ahead and get the diamond ring?

But are you in favor of proposal? Your special days now has to be shared with something else, So I've like proposing to someone on their birthday kind of a thing.

So I'm not a fan of that. I don't.

I actually don't like sharing holidays with special events. I like to have special events be their own special event. That's me, And I also think it's so interesting. I've noticed a lot of the younger folks and some of the friends I've seen who.

The proposal is absolutely.

A family affair, and I actually think that's pretty cool because that's not how I'd ever seen it happen or done.

But it's funny.

I have a lot of Italian friends and the families are so close, and I've noticed that actually is kind of a tradition among Italian Americans where it's really important to have everybody there, so they're kind of hiding somewhere. The woman gets proposed to, and then all of a sudden, the family.

Goes, oh, I thought the thing you do it in front of it. You don't do it in front of the whole family.

What I've seen happen is there's like a private moment, and then the family has all gathered unbeknownst to the woman, and then they're all there ready to celebrate, and a big party has already been planned. I guess they're assuming the woman's going to say yes, because it'd be a huge letdown if.

She said no.

And then I just see all the you know, the social media posts afterwards, and I thought, you know, that's really cool.

We're not telling Christmas Day, you we're not talking Christmas, but.

It would make sense if they did do it Christmas Day because that the whole point is to have everybody there. So maybe there's a private moment and then the parties planned later.

This is the idea. My proposal was on Christmas Day. I mean, I guess there's some sweet now. I guess that's cool. But would anyone else get offended that you're hijacking the holiday?

Maybe if I don't know, if someone else had I always think it's bad when you see people who propose to someone, like at someone else's wedding.

Have you seen that happen? When I thought that.

Was only in movies, nobody actually does.

Maybe it's just the movie.

You see what rom com were you watching that that happened.

Name one I've probably I've seen ten times.

There is nobody on planet Earth who would dare propose at somebody else's wedding.

I feel like I've heard that it's happened.

It has.

Okay, so Andy's saying it has. That's to me, that's the only real Please don't do that. Don't in someone else's day.

Whether it's a whatever you get the baby shower or a baby propose to someone because the family's all there for someone else's thing, and you decide to hijack the moment.

That's hijacking the moment.

It's hilarious to me this day.

I think it's great.

It wouldn't be what I would want, but I think that I can see why it makes sense.

Okay, this makes sense to you Andy as well? Is this what we're explaining here? What I am? I don't know. I would be hesitant to do it. It sounds like it's too much in one day, A proposal at a wedding Christmas Day?

Oh yeah, don't hijack my holiday. Yeah, okay, I would. I would actually be like, okay, so now it's about you, not like not anybody else.

Yeah, yeah, I could see there being some resentment.

Okay, but like you said, look different.

It's Jesus's day, people, thank you now the other thing.

And he actually brought some of these things to our attention. But there were some other questions attached to just whether or not there is a proposal. Let's say there is one, Andy, what else do we need to be worried about that day?

If one side of the family is there for a proposals, should both sides be?

I think at least the bride's family should definitely be there if I not the girl, Okay, you know, I mean, look, I think the groom's family should and could be there too. But I think the bride's family would probably feel a little offended if the groom's family was there and there.

Why would they be so offended?

I don't know. Maybe that's that's old fashioned of me to think that, But.

You're right, I supposed to be the bride's day. It's about her and it's yet.

I remember I told you I always learned no one should ever congratulate the bride after a proposal or the wedding. You should congratulate the groom because he's lucky to have her but.

Again that is maybe old fashioned, but that's how I was. I don't know, I always heard that.

Lucky me. I say it every day.

Oh my god. Yeah, I set you right up for that.

That's too easy. And no, there will not be obviously anybody's wondering there won't be a Christmas Day proposal. Yes, you know, really we hear from em on that.

You know. Also, something I see in rom comms when the girl thinks she's getting proposed to, whether it's a Christmas gift or some or a special evening, and he hands over that little box and then she opens it in its earrings or it's or it's a necklace.

You know. It's funnier is when it happens on reality shows that we've been watching, where the guy has here's a ring, it's just a promise ring. Let me explain what we've done. We just saw this happen at the dinner with the Darcy lady and handed her the box.

She thinks she's getting the engagement ring, and it is a ring and there is a diamond.

But wait, hold up.

The dinner with the English fella. Oh yeah, the key to his house.

Darcy and Stacy.

Yes, it was Darcy and Tom he's the British guy, and he gave her but.

In a box that looked like it was a ring. I think that's mean. I think he knew exactly what he was doing.

Don't.

Don't give a girl who thinks she might get proposed to a box that looks like a diamond ring could be in it. Don't if you get the earrings of the necklace, put it in a very different box, velvet small, because every woman is going to think, at least if you're at that place in your relationship, that it might be or could be a diamond ring.

And it's a huge less and whatever is in that box is gonna suck it is.

It's not going to be what she thought it was.

Expectation are the thief of joy in so many circumstances, and specifically in this one.

You let it rob you all the time. But here you are telling everybody to do as I say.

Do you need to work something out right now?

Off?

Mike?

What was and no? What were your proposals around? What time? Days?

You mean how many days I had?

No? No?

No, like on a day like were they a particular random days? Right? Okay?

Yeah, yeah, yes, random days that had zero significance. How about you? Did you choose significant.

Days random and insignificant? I think his way to describe a lot.

And I will say, if the marriage doesn't work out, if you put it, it doesn't matter as much. If you have some big proposal on a big holiday, you're always it's always going to take a little something away from that holiday if it doesn't work out, just something to consider.

Being realistic and having lived enough life, you.

Thought, how many months before you give exchange gifts? That's a really, really big one and a lot of folks are going to be dealing with this right now. So how I guess it's months? I mean, can it be shorter than that? Can it be weeks? Can it be when do you give a gift to somebody you're dating at Christmas time?

You know?

I do. I've struggled with this. I think a lot of people do. I think it.

Yes, you could put a time. You asked me to pick a month, I said four months. That was just kind of random. But I do think it's more about the intensity of the relationship. If you have already decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, if you've.

Already decided to be exclusive.

I think it's a noe like, of course you're going to give a gift, So no matter how, if sometimes people decide they want to be exclusive after three weeks, then you should give a gift.

Why is exclusivity the driving factor here?

Because that's the person now you are officially dating, and that's somebody you would always give a gift to it a holiday. But if you are dating lots of people, and you can be dating somebody for four months and be dating other people, that is a little, I think a grayer area.

What do you think you should all I'm just making sure I'm hearing you right. You should only give a gift if you are established and.

No, no, okay, no I'm not saying I'm saying that's a that's absolutely you should you give a gift. If that's like, you shouldn't even question whether or not you should give a gift. If you are exclusive with somebody, it's one hundred percent.

So that's back at all. We said dating, you're dating somebody, so what's the rule there?

It means you're dating other people too.

Maybe it could be one, it could be nigh, but maybe we're not exclusive. But we've been dating and I'm not dating anybody else that's possible.

It's tough. I don't that's tough.

I mean, I think it's always a good idea to give a small gesture, But then it's like, how much do you spend and do you look ostentatious if you spend too much? If you do, you look cheap, if you spend too little.

It's tough.

I think that's a really tough road to navigate. Let's ask people who are just dating around.

Emma, what do you think just.

Dating around you make I'm not exclusive with anybody? Sorry, Well your ru will be, Emma, what dating? How long before you give a gift of any guy?

I would probably say officially dating boyfriend girlfriends, So it doesn't.

Matter how long official, but it needs that's your argument. I kind of think, what do you think, Andy.

It has to be officially otherwise what are you doing?

It's weird?

Yeah, yeah, I would feel I would feel so strange giving somebody a gift who I wasn't seeing exclusively.

I find that I am so on the other side of this than you all, and I kind of believe it. It doesn't matter if I'm dating someone and they are a person in my life. Then, of course you give a gift of some kind, and it could just be a gesture. It could be sweet. You talked about ostentatious, and you talked about how much you spend. It doesn't have to be. It can be a very heartwarming or heartfelt gift. Someone during a conversation said that like a particular movie, so you just get them a little book

The wrong message and that I'm a nice person. No, we could send the wrong message to that. Yes, sorry that fell on deaf ears.

It could send the message that you want more in a relationship, and it could make someone think, oh, wow, he really likes me, he must really want to date me.

And well, you know exactly what I'm going to say. I'm a grown ass man. I got time for these games about what you think and what I think and should I do this? Because you might think this, and then she might do that, and people though I am dating you, I like you. It's Christmas time. I would like to extend a gesture. It is that simple. It could be a Starbucks gift card inside of Christmas cards

I'm just going to speak from the female mind. That might be all yeah, and a little bit more emotional might be that I would be thinking did he give the other women gifts too? And you'd start to compare and think and start thinking, or is he just giving me a gift? And you'd start to read into it.

It gets a little complicated.

So why you don't read into it? If you've been dating somebody for three months and gives you nothing at Christmas time.

Well then you know exactly where you stand, which is actually helpful.

But why wouldn't you know where you stood on December twenty fourth, in twenty third and twenty second? Why do you need the twenty fifth and no gift before wow?

Because women are constantly trying to guess and see where we are.

They all want to know what the outcome is going to be, so they're reading into the little signs, including gifts, as to what it actually means about this is your relationship.

This is where I quit Andy, because the defense is I'm a woman. The defense is Andy shiking is into taking defence is I'm a woman. You started this by I saying, well, women a da da da, Well, women are da da da da da. Well, women as a woman, And that's what you did that entire time. That means I cannot have a reasonable conversation with you anymore on this topic. You in and we're done.

But if it's a situationship, why would you get a gift for your situationship? That's just how I feel about it.

Oh, get that situationship new sheets? How about that because we're going to be using them. Quite about some towels, right, Maybe it's a big Amazon, big gift bag of I don't know, Codell baby wipe. So we can keep whatever you can. Oh what is I don't understand why we just don't speak to each other. Why we have to play a game.

It's not a game.

We're trying to understand and know and we're reading into things.

It's not a game.

We see game.

No, we want to know. We're trying to get information to evaluate.

I'm giving it to you by showing you I care about you.

That is.

Whatever I agree we're always trying to figure out what everything means. It's not a game, it's just complex in our head.

Oh, thank you. You were applauding that answer.

It was hilarious to me because that's how I feel.

Oh, I did not know we were going to get a hung up on this one. I did not know how many months anybody else? What else do you have on this topic?

H J's wiping tears by the way.

Do you feel bad when someone gives you a gift and you don't have anything for them?

Yes, you do.

Yes, I've had it happen and I feel immediately guilt. Oh no, and then you can't go Oh yours is at home and I forgot to bring it in.

Can you get them something?

Because I didn't think that we were at that place.

You're talking about a dating situation.

Well, no, even at the office or friends.

Sometimes I didn't know that, you know, Oh, I didn't realize we were doing this.

So, yes, I feel guilty.

But what you would get a gift on it? Like a holiday?

Yeah?

Oh okay, yeah, Christmas gift, holiday gift. Have you ever had someone give you a gift that you didn't have one in return for?

Probably, but it did I don't know if it stood out that much.

To me, clearly because you have no memory.

Because what I'm saying is, it's okay, I don't feel bad. I am where I am in our relationship. You are where you are, and you want to make a nice gesture to me. If you made it, I assume you didn't expect anything in return in rock and if you did, then we ain't good anyway. Okay, So I don't know. I get what you're saying, awkward, weird. I will if I'm dating somebody for three months and I get her a nice bottle of wine around Christmas time and she.

Gives me nothing, you'd be fine with that.

No, I would not say, okay.

All right, But I guess I feel like I've never had that happen with someone who I'm dating or seeing. But I have had it happen at Christmas with friends or colleagues and I didn't realize we were going to And I would say exchange gifts. That's how I'm thinking of it in my head. So then yes, I have felt absolute stress that I did not get one in return, or I didn't anticipate getting a gift.

Well, what's the other question? On this and you have worth.

Would you be weirded out if you were only dating someone for two months and they got you a Christmas gift?

No?

No, no, two months?

Wait a minute, say that again?

And why do you be weirded out if you were only dating someone for two months and they got you a Christmas gift?

No?

I thought you just made the argument that you shouldn't be given gifts unless you're exclusive in the relationship.

Dating someone, So I would assume that means we're dating. That means we're together.

Not a situationship, not a situation.

So the two months a timeframe doesn't matter.

I actually think the timeframe doesn't really matter if you're dating. That if you could be together for two weeks, but you say, hey, let's we're together, but.

You're still Wait a minute, you could be dating. You're the one that said earlier you could be dating more than one person. So if you're dating, you're dating.

Yeah, But I say, when I'm dating someone, that means we're boyfriend girlfriend.

That's not how you can't Oh my god, I'm gonna make you go back and listen to this podcast episode.

I hear what you're saying, because dating means your boyfriend and girlfriend. But dating also can mean that you're going on dates. But okay, my terminology, dating means you.

Are boyfriend girlfriend yes, aka official.

Okay, so you and I are dating.

We're more than dating.

Oh wow, that was quick. Huh. That is what I am saying. If I introduced you at this point and said, yes, this is who I'm dating, we are going to have a tough conversation to Kyle on the way home.

Oh yeah, we're not dating, Okay, I think so. I think there are levels. Okay, here's what I think in my mind. If I say we're seeing each other, Okay, if we're seeing each other, that means I'm seeing other people.

We're just seeing each other. Okay.

If we're dating each other, we've decided to be exclusive. But if you're my partner, which you're my partner because we are involved in each other's families in a very deep and meaningful way, so it's another it's a step above dating, and then you have beyond that.

You could be living together.

But we put okay, but there are levels of what.

Of relationships?

So if somebody's dating, they could mean a whole lot of stuff.

I think it means they're exclusive, they're a couple. If they're dating, yes, but if they're seeing each other, that means they're seeing other people too.

You're okay, you're getting into some weird semantic says. It's this is like tomato to bullshit. All right, you know it's okay, bro. That was I did not know it was going to go there. There's supposed to be a happy little Christmas episode.

I'm laughing. I feel like there's a lot of joy in this room.

Well we're laughing, but that really belies the fire inside of me right now. That is just some of these it's all in my head. It's all in my head. Yeah, your parents still give you Christmas gifts? I do believe, right, they do.

But it's not It's not like when I was younger. I think I would say once I got married, they I think that was kind of it. They give me, you know right now, honestly, they give me. They give me checks. I mean that is what they do. They are at a certain age. They are trying to make sure that they My mom wants to die with zero dollars in her bank account, and so that's what they do now. And then they give me one small thing that she usually asks me to tell her what I want.

So it's it's different. It's not like when I was a kid.

Everybody's looking up Joni. Right now she's giving money away.

No, but I you know, and I'm very lucky to have that experience. But that's been in recent years. Yeah, but yeah, it's not the same as when you're a kid. I think it changes when you get For me, it changed when I got married. But I got married at twenty three.

Okay, Yeah, I think I've always my mom was always on this in some way, form or fashion. And I think I usually get gifts. I'm not sure what they are.

Card, don't you.

Do?

I I don't know. I thought in recent years, but she has sent a lot of actual physical gifts over the years. It's cool.

Yeah, what do you I mean? I would how what do you think the age should be? Is there a limit at which your parents would stop giving you like the gifts they give you? And was like, no, I want gifts forever.

I think like you reach a certain age like where maybe you don't get like big gifts, but like a little thing like and I'm thinking of you thing depending on your relationship circle.

I guess with them.

Yeah, I mean I give my parents gifts.

Yeah.

Do you give your parents gifts at Christmas?

They? I don't know when the last gift they got for me was Wow, I'm a boy. I'm terrible at that stuff.

Yeah.

I don't know what my brother does, that's funny. I'm not sure. Maybe his wife does. I don't think he would actually actively go and send them gifts. And I think my mom was always giving my dad's parents gifts, like she would be in.

Charge basically of it. Otherwise my dad would not have given gifts to his parents. Don't give your parents gifts.

I'm bad at this. Yeah, uh, I mean I always call them the gift. I mean what love, attention, time, understanding, an ear an ear. They're in the seventies, groves, give them a break. Sometimes they just like to hear from their signs.

They might like some lovely ug slippers.

Too, though, ugg slippers from up. You've met my parents, right, Yes? What about them? Says ug slippers? Next? I do?

Uh?

Do you remember the last you said? Money? I think my mom does do that.

She gives you gift cards and money.

I think she's given me. No, you know, she gives me cash on my birthday.

That's sweet. Did she put it in the card?

Yeah?

Oh my grandparents used to do that, like a five dollar bill, a twenty dollars bill.

I think it was just a five dollar bill. Yeah, it's very sweet.

Are you a gift card or cash person? Because I know it just personally. When I get a gift card, I'm like, I am never going to use this.

Uh wow, really, I just.

In my head, I'm like, it doesn't seem tangible. You can't use it anywhere, you can't load it anywhere. So it's like, where am I going to use this exact fifty dollars on?

Oh you're seeing like a Visa gift card. I agree those are but if you got like Amazon gift card or a Starbucks gift card, you would know exactly you know, you wouldn't use that.

No, because then when you have leftover change on it, I'm like, this is annoying to me. Now I can't do anything with this.

Wow, I'll tell you what. You can bring us your gift cards. You're gonna be like that, just bring us because we'll use them.

So I have. I do.

I do write a check, but that's so archaic. I think I do usually do cash. Actually this sounds so transactional. But I have venmode before, like just with the kids, because it's what they prefer.

But that sounds wow.

Yeah, I not my kids, but other like like my nephews.

I have absolutely just venmode. Does that all?

No? Not at all? Okay, that's something from you. No, it doesn't matter if it was cold and impersonal, it's still it was more than most would have done. Exactly. She's right.

I usually send a friendly text or email along with the venmo.

God, it's all right. Well, we had sought out, we had we did. We had sought out to have this be something that was more informative and to pass along some advice on what you could do about some of these things of the holidays. It just went down the road we didn't expect.

Well, I think that's what makes podcasting fun. You never know where we're going to end up.

All right, well, folks, you can catch us here. But also if you haven't been doing so, by all means, go for a morning run with us. Yeah. It's our daily news podcast, the Morning Run. We do it every single morning, so you can check us out there if you haven't been running with us. I certainly hope you will start to do so. You know, also know where to find us on Instagram, the official page at Amy and TJ Podcast. But for now, I'm TJ.

Homes and I'm Amy Roebock. Hay, Happy Gifting everyone. I know I screwed that. I can't even end it right.

You hear all that stuff I had to say, and I made it through fairly well and hafty gifting.

Happy Gifting everyone, and the holidays.