[00:00:00] Corinne Foxx: Welcome back to another episode of Am I Doing This Right? I'm Corinne Foxx.
[00:00:08] Natalie McMillan: And I'm Natalie McMillan.
[00:00:09] Corinne Foxx: And we are best friends, confidants, millennials, and the hosts of Am I doing This Right? A life how-to podcast from the perspective of non-experts.
[00:00:19] Natalie McMillan: And each week we cover a new topic and we drink a new bottle of wine.
[00:00:22] Corinne Foxx: That's right, Natalie. And this week we're talking how to get over. Oh, break breakup.
[00:00:30] Natalie McMillan: I don't know. It's been a long day
[00:00:34] Corinne Foxx: or just, how do I get over somebody? Yeah. Yeah. We're going to be talking about the science of breakups. You know, we love science, some tips and tricks for getting over a breakup and how to make peace and move on.
And thank you next that.
[00:00:49] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. Yeah. Whether it be romantic, platonic, familial friendship, whatever, there's
[00:00:57] Corinne Foxx: a lot of breakups, different versions of breakups, the jobs
[00:01:01] Natalie McMillan: time. Listen, if you're a single gal or guy listening, keep listening, because this
[00:01:06] Corinne Foxx: is for you too. This is for you too. And at the end of the episode, we're doing our, or finally bring it back, find random advice.
We have some great questions that you guys wrote in. We're going to answer at the end of this episode that I'm very excited about, but not first, let's get into the vena that we are drinking on the episodes. Okay. We
[00:01:28] Natalie McMillan: are drinking the R toddy Venus Zynga. I'm going to guess. Dig again. Dig on. I don't know. I dunno either.
Um, it's a red wine. It's a 2018 and it's in a different language. I think it's from Spain, from Spain. Okay.
[00:01:47] Corinne Foxx: I think I take your word for it, honestly, because
[00:01:51] Natalie McMillan: the rest of the labels. Oh, she just, she literally was shook half. I was just, I just truly, Ooh. Oh my goodness.
What? That's what I'm saying.
[00:02:07] Corinne Foxx: So just stuck your finger in an outlet.
[00:02:10] Natalie McMillan: Okay. I'm a need to break up with this fucking wine. We
[00:02:15] Corinne Foxx: don't. Hey, we don't know. It might be it'll open up. It might open up. We never know. We never know, but not. I wanted to tell you, aren't you in on this first road trip? Oh my gosh. I know, boy.
Was he the best boy? Yes. If you guys know Archie's my puppy, he's eight months old and we went on a four teen hour. Road trip. And he did Fabby. He was drugged. Yeah. He kinda got it. It was Benadryl or some CBD thing. He was out of it.
[00:02:46] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. The puppy energy on a road trip. Probably a little like Zeplin. He'll just sleep the whole time, but he's this old man
[00:02:54] Corinne Foxx: he sent the puppy.
He just has
[00:02:57] Natalie McMillan: so much away.
[00:02:58] Corinne Foxx: He did so good. I'm really happy for you because you were even a lot of
[00:03:01] Natalie McMillan: anxiety. I was so, and mainly it's because. Bulldogs are like very risky to put under anesthesia. Yeah. So
[00:03:09] Corinne Foxx: I'm not going to lie to you. So you said that and I thought, well, I'll just Google it. And I was like, oh shit.
She does have a
[00:03:15] Natalie McMillan: reason to be a little nervous right now. It literally was like, it's like a 50, 50 shot. Like, come back. I did read that
[00:03:21] Corinne Foxx: on the internet. And I was like, I won't bring those up.
[00:03:24] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. So that's what tells you your anxiety is founded. Yeah. That's why I was, cause I feel like people were like, why it's like, you know, dogs go into surgery all the time and I'm like, yeah, but bulldogs don't usually come out.
Especially when they're cause he's old too. So he has no little tepes anymore. Oh yeah. You said there's like one tooth. Um, how does he eat? Oh, he's acting like there's nothing ever happened. He's just like chowing down. Are you nervous? Are going to choke? It's like a normal, I mean, he's just eating like normal, but I'm like, how do your gums not hurt?
Oh, he's just, he's just
[00:04:02] Corinne Foxx: jumping
[00:04:03] Natalie McMillan: back to normal. He was chewing on a gun. Yeah. Oh, wow. I was like, okay. Okay, go ahead. Go off. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go
[00:04:13] Corinne Foxx: off. I'm very happy that you didn't have to break up with Zappi.
[00:04:16] Natalie McMillan: He's totally fine. Happy that Archie didn't have to break up with Archie because he drove yet.
Fuke and crazy.
[00:04:25] Corinne Foxx: Gotcha. Good boy. Okay. So let's get into the episode, which is breakup and why we chose this one. I'm pretty sure we've had people write in about this. We,
[00:04:36] Natalie McMillan: for sure. Somebody, at least one
[00:04:38] Corinne Foxx: person has. Yeah, but really honestly, breakups are inevitable. I mean, unless you're with your like high school sweetheart forever.
I don't know. The divorce rate now is so high. I mean, it just seems like at some points. But even if it's, you know, not a relationship, a romantic partner, it could be, we were saying like a friend, a family member, you know, people do leave our lives. I think we need to understand how we move on how we make peace.
Even if it's something that I've been a long time ago. Sometimes it's like things like. Yeah, and I love to start every up and we love to start every episode with this line. There is science behind breakups. So now can you explain the science
[00:05:16] Natalie McMillan: of yes, I can. So because of the rise of neuro imaging technology scientists now know physical pain and social pain are actually processed in some of the same regions of the brain.
So a breakup in turn can be experienced the same way. Injury
[00:05:36] Corinne Foxx: it's truly heart break. Like literally you're having a heart attack. The
[00:05:41] Natalie McMillan: painful. Yes. So when you break your arm, your brain decides how distressing the event is and prompts and appropriate behavioral response. And the same neural circuitry may be ignited when the brain processes emotional strife.
Yes. So meanwhile, experiments using functional magnetic imaging suggests simply seeing a photograph. Of a romantic partner who importantly has rejected you and you continue to love them all the same, that activates parts of the brain associated with craving gains and losses and emotional regulation.
[00:06:16] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. And that makes, I mean, like you're scrolling on Instagram or something and you see your ex or, you know, and you're just like, oh God, like, you know, you can feel like
[00:06:25] Natalie McMillan: punch or like you hit the store. Like the next story. And for some reason I'm
[00:06:29] Corinne Foxx: prepared to see it. Yeah. But it's actually like there's science behind why you feel that way?
[00:06:34] Natalie McMillan: Yes. So experimental research using functional magnetic resonance imaging, an F MRI found that a region of the brain called the anterior. Cyn Gillet cortex. Wow.
[00:06:47] Corinne Foxx: That was
[00:06:47] Natalie McMillan: impressive. The, or the ACC is activated when participants experienced physical pain, but also when they felt rejected. So if you feel like you're going to die after a breakup was very real pain,
[00:06:59] Corinne Foxx: you aren't going to.
And it's very valid to very
[00:07:04] Natalie McMillan: valid pain. So let's talk about how, how do we break up? How
[00:07:09] Corinne Foxx: does this happen? Interesting. So among people who experienced a breakup most have been on both sides of the equation. So 70% have been the one to end the relationship while 75% say that they had a partner and a relationship.
Them women 30% are more than twice as likely as men, 12% to say, however that they have never been broken up with. Oh, okay. Ladies, we love you lady. Yeah. So, so this is interesting. So research suggests that most breakups have one and eight broad causes. Okay. So these are the eight causes a desire for more autonomy.
That would be me. It a lack of shared interests or character traits, a lack of support, a lack of openness, a lack of loyalty. A lack of time spent together a lack of fairness or a lack of. Simple romance romance. Yeah. And interestingly for women, not, you're not off a desire for autonomy is one of the main reasons for a split.
That makes
[00:08:13] Natalie McMillan: sense. Because, you know, men it's like if they were being like overpass,
[00:08:17] Corinne Foxx: you know, like there's also research. I heard once that like married women. Are less happy than married men. Like once men are married, they're like, we're cool. I, you know, and then women always
[00:08:30] Natalie McMillan: struck, honestly. Makes sense.
Makes sense.
[00:08:34] Corinne Foxx: Makes sense. So if your breakup was a messy one takes onto the fact that most of them actually are in a survey from pulling from you, gov 58% of respondents said their relationship tend to okay. Dramatically while only a quarter said their splits are usually civil. So yes, breakups are a messy, there's a bunch of reasons why people break up.
Women say that they get broken up with less than men do. Cause you know, not be trippin. We got to go, come on. We got to go. So if you just broke up now, Now what, what do you, what can you expect? Okay.
[00:09:11] Natalie McMillan: So a breakup can bring about numerous feelings and stages of emotion. So let's go through a couple of them here, acceptances one, especially immediately after the breakup occurs, some people might feel a relief.
Shock denial, grief, rejection, pain, betrayal, fear, even embarrassment and sadness. Of course, of course, some people feel as though their world has turned upside down and that things will never be good. Again, many people feel restless, they lose their appetite, have less motivation or energy to do things, and it might be tempting to try and get over a breakup really quickly.
But it does take a bit of time work and you need that support and we're here to
[00:09:54] Corinne Foxx: support you. We're here to bring here to support you and you are living your best life journey always. So if you want to start moving on, you're done. Lolling actually a really good quote from poet. Robert Frost says the best way out is.
Through and the only way, yes. The only way to get over a breakup as with any other suffering we experience in life is to fully go through it. Yeah. So that means we need to feel and express the pain. You can do that through journaling, talking to your friends, talking with therapists, talking to a therapist.
Meaning, meaning that's the winning answer guys, but you need to give yourself time to grieve and acknowledge the, her, and don't put yourself on a timeline, everyone grieves in their own ways. They don't blame herself. If you feel like you're taking too long or even if you move on quote unquote too fast.
[00:10:51] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. I feel like a lot of women feel guilty if they move on. Quote unquote too fast. Yeah.
[00:10:56] Corinne Foxx: But it's stupid. Cause I feel like dudes
[00:10:58] Natalie McMillan: move on so fast and it's like, oh yeah, good job bro.
[00:11:04] Corinne Foxx: Sorry. It's every man. I'm not. Okay. So what are some things you can do to get over a breakup after you've talked to said, therapists?
Yeah.
[00:11:12] Natalie McMillan: Talk to the therapist first, then maybe reconnect with things that make you happy. So dust off old hobbies, you may have stopped doing while you were busy in your relationship. We naturally shift away from various activities while we're dating people and it can be empowering to
[00:11:27] Corinne Foxx: get back to them.
Yeah. And you get really consumed in relationships and like you do so many things together. It's easy to put off or just stop doing things. Oh my gosh. I used to do that
[00:11:37] Natalie McMillan: and I don't do it anymore. Right. Also surround yourself with support. So naturally your inclination may be to lean on your friends for support during an, after a breakup and try not to let embarrassment or anxiety hold you back from doing
[00:11:50] Corinne Foxx: just that.
We love like a gal pal party. Yeah. And it's not like, I don't
[00:11:56] Natalie McMillan: know. It sucks that people feel embarrassed that they maybe were broken up with. Yeah, you should be able to tell your friends like this is this sucks. You know what I mean? Don't be embarrassed. Here's the other thing let's stop. Pretend like we're staying friends with the exes now let's stay in friends.
Let's let's go ahead and potentially. The number, you know, a post breakup friendship. It may well happen in time, but time is the key word. Very few exes make a seamless transition into friendship immediately. And if you think you've done it, just see what happens when they. Dating somebody new. Right?
[00:12:34] Corinne Foxx: Right.
Are you guys actually friends? And then they like get a new girlfriend and you're like, I'm like, oh my God. His
[00:12:39] Natalie McMillan: desk. Yeah. So somebody named Dr. Lewin, dos ski, Jr. He adds that staying friends with an ax is in fact linked to. More depression, jealousy, heartbreak, and even a harder time finding a new romantic partner.
Wow. Hung up on them.
[00:12:58] Corinne Foxx: I don't usually stay friends with my axis in the fact that like the true definition of friends, like hanging out, going to the, yeah. Like you can be on good terms. Is it mean like be on bad terms, but it's like, How involved are they going to be in your life? I'm in a unique situation with my ex because we share a very core group of friends.
So I have to see him a lot. And I don't mind you. We're on great terms. We're super friendly. I'm very excited for everything going on in his life. That's
[00:13:24] Natalie McMillan: the key term though? I think people say, well, we're going to be friends. It's like, don't be friends. You can, I think be friendly.
[00:13:30] Corinne Foxx: We're totally friendly.
But like, if we didn't have our friend group, we would never see each other. Maybe, maybe we'd check in. I don't know, maybe, but like, It's more that we have friends and we go to things and we're so nice around each other, but right. We're not friends.
[00:13:43] Natalie McMillan: No, you're not going to, you're not going to call your ex-boyfriend when you like need, uh, advice on something, you know?
No, no,
[00:13:50] Corinne Foxx: no, no, no. Going off that, actually I have a great breakup tip that you guys, this is, this is tracking. This is her number one. This is my number one. Okay. If you guys are going to a up or you just need to, you have somebody that you're still just processing a lot of feelings towards sign up for a boxing class.
You guys, I have done this with every single one of my breakups and not that I have. Anger towards them, but you had a lot of pent-up energy. And when you get on that boxing bag, you can let it all out. It feels so good. And there's actually science behind it. Exercise helps your body get a shot of mood, lifting, endorphins and serotonin, and you can listen to a little breakup playlist.
So empowering, yes. Highly req a boxing class, or just exercise in general, if you don't love boxing, but if you can. Yeah, shit. Another thing like I just said is to make a breakup playlist music has a powerful effect on mood, which is why the breakup mix is a key part of your post partying toolkit. When you find yourself adrift in eight churning, sea of emotion, while driving to work or rage cleaning your apartment, which.
I raged leverage cleaning. Let the breakup playlist be your constant. Why not? And when I was going through my last breakup, Ariana Grande had the best timing on that is our immigrant day. It released her position's album. Next was like the single. And when I tell you that was being Anthem, it was thank you next.
And it was all about gratitude for her. I'm so grateful for my app. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I loved.
[00:15:25] Natalie McMillan: That was the best timing I highly, I
[00:15:28] Corinne Foxx: highly rock. Thank you. Next on your breakup playlist. Another thing you can do is to travel and explore new places. Enter a new space by exploring a new location, and it doesn't have to be.
Eat, pray, love style, solo trip. Either start by switching up your, your route home or check out a restaurant. The two of you never went to like start making your own memories without them. And very famously. I bring it up all the time, but, uh, if you guys don't know, I right after my breakup, I went to Costa Rica by myself and I thought I was going there to just like be on my own for the first time and learn to be alone and learn to love being alone.
But really I went, ended up going through. Other things and traumas that I didn't even know I had, I was like, oh my God, this is a lot. So I highly wrecked that I had such a transformative time in Costa Rica by myself, but it doesn't have to be that lavish. It can just be going somewhere new in your city.
[00:16:19] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. Well, piggybacking off of that, How about try three new places. So once a week find a coffee shop or a restaurant you've never been to an invite at least one friend to go with you. That's actually a quote from Mary Jo , she's a psychotherapist and author of recoupling a couple's four step guide to greater intimacy and better sex.
And she gives that assignment to all of her clients who are working on healing from heartbreak that helps you break up your usual routine. And get away from the places that you'd always go with your
[00:16:51] Corinne Foxx: former partner. Cause you do have like, oh, the coffee shop. We always go together and we loved that takeout restaurant or we, and then it's like, oh, everywhere.
You're going. You're like, there's my act. You
[00:17:00] Natalie McMillan: make new ones for yourself. Yeah. And then this one, it really actually, I think probably helps write down all of their negative. Qualities. So think of every annoying quality they possess, as well as all the compromises you had to make in the relationship. Keep that list on your phones.
You can refer back to it whenever you start thinking they were so perfect. Cause everybody likes to go
[00:17:21] Corinne Foxx: back and do the relationship
[00:17:25] Natalie McMillan: for sure. Yeah. And it's very natural to idealize the person and the relationship, but keeping the qualities that drive you. Uh, batshit Cresa, they'll help you take off the rose colored glasses when seeking a new
[00:17:39] Corinne Foxx: partner as well.
Yes. And I think that list can help you from the drunk Texas, the late night tax, but you know, like all of that stuff, if, instead of like going yeah. Instead of going to text them, it's like, let me open this list up first. Also don't forget back up
[00:17:55] Natalie McMillan: to, uh, our first couple of tips. Delete the number.
[00:17:59] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. You should just delete that.
Yeah, you should, because then that really leaves, you know, their
[00:18:04] Natalie McMillan: number now or you'll find it. You'll just find it somehow
[00:18:08] Corinne Foxx: think the list is a really good deterrent from any like rekindling, if it's not a relationship that should be rekindled.
[00:18:15] Natalie McMillan: Okay. So actually instead of rekindling, let's talk about rebounding.
[00:18:20] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. That's a thing to rebound or not to rebound. Well, there is actual definition for. Rebounds. Okay. So a rebound is a relationship that starts before feelings about a previous relationship are over or before. Quote unquote closure over a previous relationship and empirical investigation into rebound relationships published in 2015 in the journal of social and personal relationships called too fast too soon is one of the few recent research studies on rebound
[00:18:52] Natalie McMillan: relationships.
Oh my gosh.
[00:18:55] Corinne Foxx: Finding. Okay. So yeah, so the research indicates that people who entered into a rebound relationship more quickly than others had greater overall mental and physical health confidence in their desirability and resolution towards their previous relationship. So the good thing, that's a good thing.
Okay. Cause you know, my last
[00:19:12] Natalie McMillan: place in Dubai rebounded real quick.
[00:19:14] Corinne Foxx: But Hey, but it also indicates that people who entered into new relationships, the quickest, we're more likely to have greater levels of respect for their new partner. Oh. And we're also found to compare their new partner to their ex more than people who look longer into a new relationship.
Okay. So there's a lot of comparison E yeah. Okay. So, but that's normal. So science supports that rebound relationships can be beneficial in dealing with getting over an ex, but it leads to the assumption that a rebound is only as good as its ability to be the same or better than your ex. So the key and knowing if a rebound is beneficial or detrimental to you is to ask yourself, this question is the rebound better than your ex in any way, physically or
[00:19:58] Natalie McMillan: emotionally?
So if the answer is no, that. No, no, no,
[00:20:02] Corinne Foxx: but it's going to be detrimental. We're not going to go down. We're not going to, we're not going to lower our standards if you see this
[00:20:08] Natalie McMillan: dude. And you're like, well, I'm just going to get with them basically, because I'm mad. But actually in my head, I think like my ex is like hotter and nicer and
[00:20:17] Corinne Foxx: all this stuff.
And also I would never get with him unless I was like in this, in this head space. Like, if it's just like, oh, this person's hot. Hotter hotter or treating me better then? Yes .
[00:20:31] Natalie McMillan: Yes. Ms. Girl, go for it. But if it's the other way,
[00:20:35] Corinne Foxx: Well, let's take a step back. Yeah. Well, the thing is we're not lowering our standards for a rebound that, no, that is the lesson.
That's the lesson there. I love what we're supporting rebounds though. I loved my little rebounds. Why not? Sorry about it. Um, but even if you do do a rebound, sometimes it takes you a while to get over somebody. So why does it take some people longer to get over a breakup map?
[00:20:59] Natalie McMillan: Okay. So. One reason is it?
Wasn't your idea? So if it wasn't a mutual split, the dumper will obviously move on faster than the dumpy. Don't be. I know. The victim,
someone who had no idea, a breakup was coming no matter who initiated it will likely take longer to get over
[00:21:26] Corinne Foxx: it. Yeah, because if you're, if you're the assailant, right, you've already kind of been thinking about, right. You're not blind. You're kind of already come to terms with it. By the time you do it process
[00:21:35] Natalie McMillan: and the other person.
Another reason is you were really invested. If you really thought the relationship was going to be a longterm thing before it ended, it'll likely be harder for you to get over your feelings and attachment for that person. Yeah. I think obviously here, cheating fair, not acceptable, not acceptable, but so not only are you getting over someone you love, you're also having to simultaneously process the fact that someone you love consciously chose to hurt.
So that's a tough one. That's a tough one. And then lastly, you don't actually want to get over them often. People who struggle to let go may feel that there's was the perfect relationship that no one out there can compare. So they'd rather sustain the relationship in their heads then to confront the painful reality that it no longer exists.
[00:22:24] Corinne Foxx: Let's talk about on that list of negative qualities,
[00:22:27] Natalie McMillan: we're going to open up your phone. We're going to look at the list and be like, oh yeah, forgot that I hated the way they choose. So how do we know? If we've officially moved on from somebody,
[00:22:39] Corinne Foxx: well, everyone will have a different benchmark, but you will know when you've moved on, when there are less emotions surrounding the thought of it.
And when you can look back on the breakup in a more existential way, acknowledging the impact that relationship had on your life and looking at it as it as a stepping stone to where you are now. So psychotherapists Hilda Burke said that I had one client who told me the turning point was his ex not being the first thing that popped into his head when.
Oh, another client was able to play a certain album. Again, one that she had listened to a lot with her ex and be able to enjoy it. It's more of a felt sense rather than like an external marker, like when you're not having those emotional reactions to the thought of them or things that remind you of them and you can like enjoy it without like being like,
[00:23:25] Natalie McMillan: oh, I went to that restaurant and I.
Right. Yeah. It was like, oh, okay,
[00:23:29] Corinne Foxx: I'm over it. And there is, there is a point like when you're going through a breakup where like your whole psyche is consumed with the breakup in them and you see them everywhere. And then all of a sudden you do check and you're like, I haven't thought about that person in much at all.
I have no idea what they're doing and I don't care.
[00:23:44] Natalie McMillan: You don't care. And that is how.
[00:23:47] Corinne Foxx: That's how you, that's, how you get over a breakup. Yeah. So we hope that you guys learned more about the science of breakups, some tips and tricks for getting over a breakup and how to make peace with your breakup and move on how
[00:23:59] Natalie McMillan: to thank you.
Next that, yeah.
[00:24:02] Corinne Foxx: Spoiler alert that. Should we circle back on this? Wow.
[00:24:10] Natalie McMillan: This is where I was. Ooh, this is the R Tati Venus de gone. I'm going to say it's dag-gone or Tayga. I don't know if it's a silent N or not, but it is a 2018 and our Hottie,
[00:24:24] Corinne Foxx: if you haven't picked up on it now,
[00:24:27] Natalie McMillan: miss Arianna Grande. Slam your glass. I really didn't mean to, I think in my head, I thought it had a stem
[00:24:38] Corinne Foxx: slammed her last name.
Yes. It's art or grounded. The queen of breakups. She has the best breakup album. She's been through a lot of them, you know, Pete Davidson. Ooh. Okay. And that wine. Okay. So one near miss Ari. Can I give it
[00:24:52] Natalie McMillan: a one? I don't like it at all. Well, I don't want to, I feel mean saying it's horrible, but it's not drinkable.
If I got this at a restaurant,
[00:25:00] Corinne Foxx: that's always my standard. Right. I send it back. Yes,
[00:25:03] Natalie McMillan: absolutely. Yes I would. And we never send anything back. It
[00:25:07] Corinne Foxx: makes sense for the breakup episode that we got, we got online and we were like, we can't do it or sending it back or sending
[00:25:14] Natalie McMillan: it back. I'm looking at the list of all the things I hate about.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm not finding a redeeming quality here. Is it a one or
[00:25:20] Corinne Foxx: the zero? I mean, I really let's give it a one. We'll give it a one. Because somebody made this, somebody made this one out of Ariana Grande day for this who even knows what the, even it
[00:25:32] Natalie McMillan: was. I can't say we recommend it. Oh, I cannot.
We will not be tagging them in our story this week. Not Saturday.
[00:25:41] Corinne Foxx: Oh no, it's not
[00:25:41] Natalie McMillan: that that would be really mean it'd be really meaningful. Yeah, we're not petty. We're not petty.
[00:25:54] Corinne Foxx: All right. This is part of the episode where we play a little wrap up game. And this week we are doing random advice. We're bringing it back, guys. It's been a while, but you guys have written in and we will be giving you our advice. Um, so I'm going to read this first email that came in from one of our listeners.
It says, hi, Kurt. I've been listening to your podcast a lot recently, it helped me in so many aspects of my life as a 22 year old from the Philippines. I've been planning to study abroad in two years, perhaps in London or Paris. I also want to live there afterwards, wherever I end up studying. I want to take up fashion school and make a living out of it.
But I can't help wondering that when I set out to do it all over. What I be doing it, right. So I would love to hear your non-expert opinions on how to go about providing for oneself to study abroad and to be responsible about making a life away from your home country, which you've never done before as a baby adult, sincerely hoping for your advice, insights, and experiences, always excited for your episodes.
Wow. Okay. First of all, I love you so much. We love you. We
[00:27:00] Natalie McMillan: won't say your name because it is
[00:27:01] Corinne Foxx: anonymous and we love, we love you and well, this is great for you. You studied abroad. So I studied abroad in London and first of all, let me just tell you right now, it was the best six months of my life. And I stand by that.
I was the most free. I felt the most connected. And if you're feeling like you have to go somewhere. Got it because your soul is calling you. They're a good thing to start thinking about before going to another country and living there is starting to learn ahead of time about their transportation system.
Start figuring out like how you're going to move around what areas are good, because I think, you know, you're going to be out of your element and you kind of want to do some research ahead of time, which I'm sure you're going to do. And in terms of like making a life for yourself away from your home country, I think joining.
Groups clubs if you're studying, like at the school that I was in, I was in, oh my God. I was in this class about, um, ghosts. It, it was paranormal activity. What's the class you took this class. Yeah. And so every lesson was like a straw. It wasn't paranormal. It was supernatural. It was supernatural science class.
So each year, and it was, but yeah. Around a bunch of like-minded people who are interested in astrology. We had, we did a course on goes, so we did, it was really fun. And I think finding people, finding groups of people that have similar interests to you is going to be really helpful in, um, making friends.
Yeah. And the
[00:28:31] Natalie McMillan: one thing that I'm thinking about too is. I mean, if you can visit this place beforehand, I think that would take off a lot of fear. If you can just like, kind of go even for like a few days, sort of get the ropes of the situation. And then also for me, if I was in your position since I did not study abroad, but if I was going to, I think I would probably choose a country that spoke English mostly because that would really help me.
Not only like get around better, but also communicate with people. You know, like if I
[00:29:07] Corinne Foxx: went to a crab, it'd be great to go to Paris. But if you are, you know, obviously you're very fluent in English. You know, London might be a better choice. That was actually why I chose London as well. Right.
[00:29:20] Natalie McMillan: You'd feel more comfortable.
Cause also if you're in like, or let's say you even go to like a yoga class and you're like, oh, maybe I'll just like talk to this person. If you can just very easily talk, you don't have to be like, oh,
[00:29:32] Corinne Foxx: you know me, I've been at that friend class for a year and a half and girly. I could not, I can never write.
I can
[00:29:38] Natalie McMillan: never make our friend in French. You could try though.
[00:29:42] Corinne Foxx: I could try. Yeah, I can totally try. Well, I hope that was helpful. I'm so excited when you let us know where you end up going and we have. Lately completely support you. And I'm so excited studying abroad, truly. It was the best experience of my life.
Love it.
[00:29:55] Natalie McMillan: Okay. We're going to read another one here. And this one is titled SOS. I need advice. Hi, Krinn and Natalie. My name is. Blink. And I am a 22 year old communication student from Belgium. That's 2
[00:30:10] Corinne Foxx: 22 year old.
[00:30:11] Natalie McMillan: And they're both not, I've been religiously following your podcast for the past couple of weeks.
And since I heard about it for the first time and I am in love and we love you, and we love you. I heard the section at the end where you give advice to listeners, hence this email. Okay. I always had a love for the U S I can't explain exactly why, but it is a known fact about me. When I graduate in June, I would love to go to the U S to find a job and start my career.
First. I wanted to go to college there, but that is way too expensive. Oh,
[00:30:44] Corinne Foxx: God. I mean, it's ridiculous. If you.
[00:30:49] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. It's like criminal, honestly, how expensive it is. So finding a job is the next best thing. But whenever I share this dream with people in my environment, I always have to explain myself and the decision to do this.
I always say that it is a feeling I have that I have to do this. And if I don't, I know for certain I will regret it, but I still feel judged unsupported and. Miss understood. My stressy side also does not help thinking about the whole process of finding a job, which I heard is really difficult as an outsider and moving on my own.
So I would love to hear your advice on how to deal with the judgment and feeling of having to explain myself and also about how you would go about finding a job and what I should consider putting in a motivation letter, along with my resume, that will make me stand out.
[00:31:38] Corinne Foxx: Oh, my gosh are like, you know, wanting to branch out branch out in and try new things, which honestly it makes sense.
Cause that's what our really makes
[00:31:49] Natalie McMillan: sense. Yes. Yes. We've we've found the right audience here. Okay. Well, first of all, if you have always had this gut feeling and you're saying here, you have to do this, and if you don't, you feel like you'll regret it. Do it, do it 1000%
[00:32:05] Corinne Foxx: do it also too, to go off saying that like your friends and family are not very supportive.
What I've come to find is that when people are scared to follow their own dreams and have limitations for themselves, they often can not support somebody who is living there. That maybe it's not that they want to move to the U S it's that, oh, they've always wanted to be a painter and they never got the courage.
Like sometimes seeing someone be courageous in their desires and also speak about them very passionately and confidently intimidates people. So my, my intuition says that it's not about you and it's absolutely a hundred percent about them and them feeling like, well, I never. My dreams never came to here.
I never went for my dream. I always had a passion to do something and I didn't follow it. So why does you know, why does she make to, and it's probably not even conscious. It's probably know,
[00:32:58] Natalie McMillan: but you know, what's the thing. I always say, people only say things out of love or out of. So, if people are saying things to you that aren't like encouraging, or like out of genuine concern, like, I love you so much.
And I'm just a little concerned it's because there it's fear,
[00:33:15] Corinne Foxx: it's fear and also
[00:33:16] Natalie McMillan: your life is yours. Ms.
[00:33:18] Corinne Foxx: Girl, you can always be like, you know, I appreciate your concern, but I would love support because I'm going to do this. And they can also be afraid of losing you, you know, you're, you're leaving their lives.
I'm sure they love you. And they don't, you know, want their friend to not be around anymore. But if you, like, we're saying, if you're going to regret it, you have to go for it. In terms of the visa stuff, the. I know it's incredibly difficult in the U S but the only experience I have with it is my French teacher.
She is she's British actually, but she moved here, um, on a, on a school visa, but then she just got her green card and it was a bit of a nightmare, I will say. So I guess I would think that getting a work visa would be your best bet. So whatever industry you're in, maybe in your motivation letter, talking about.
How you can grow and learn and support the American industry that if you're into the Alaska was into fashion or you're into this or whatever, I think that would be a big appeal for your application.
[00:34:20] Natalie McMillan: Yeah, you could also, because you are from Belgium, you can, you could say, you know, I've got a lot of different perspectives on things from being from another country that I could bring into whatever area of work this is, and really like play up the fact that you are.
Different from everybody else. That is what will make you stand out. And
[00:34:38] Corinne Foxx: honestly, that right now, I mean, that's what the American dream is. You know, we are a melting pot and we're supposed to be doing that. We're supposed to be, but, but, you know, and so we do, we do admire different perspectives. And I know that if you have this gut feeling you're supposed to be here, that it will be an easy process for you because you're meant to, it's meant to have.
Yes you, and as we always say, it's already,
[00:35:05] Natalie McMillan: it's already happened in another time and you have to follow your desires. Why do you have desire if you're not supposed to. It is your soul guiding you. So, Hey, come on over here.
[00:35:18] Corinne Foxx: No, we would love to meet her. Am I? So if you ended up moving to LA, let us know, we will meet up with you.
We'll get some lunch with you and give you. Oh, yeah, actually I do think you guys have a higher happiness rate than we do probably over here. Girl, come on over here. If you guys have something going on in your life that you want advice on, you can email us at, am I doing this right pot@gmail.com and we will give you our free random advice.
Um,
[00:35:47] Natalie McMillan: well,
[00:35:48] Corinne Foxx: no, not, not on unsolicited too. And I was like, it's free. Also, we have a really fun mailing list. If you guys don't want to miss an episode, you can go to, am I doing this right? pod.com sign up for it. It's one email a week. It's simple. It's fun. It's QT. Yep. It's always a good time. And if you've got
[00:36:04] Natalie McMillan: a friend that's going through a little breakup right now.
[00:36:07] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. This is a good, happy for that.
[00:36:08] Natalie McMillan: Shoot them a little copy of the link. Shoot them all. Text the text. Here you go. This one's
[00:36:13] Corinne Foxx: free. This one's for you. All right, we'll be back next week with another episode. Love you guys. Love you.