Apod Shape Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mom? Podcast?
My brother goes, what are you talking about today? Or am I a bad Mama? I was like, should it be am I a bad mom? Or should it be an am I a good mom?
Kind of week? He went, I live with you at the moment.
I was like, oh, savage, yeah so much.
Yeah.
We talk often about how we need to give each other like a bit of grace, you know, like we need to give each other a bit more of a pad on the back because it's so hard. I was even thinking this morning. I was like, without being like too you know, woo woo. And like you hear a lot about trauma these days, Like there's a lot about trauma, and you know, if you delve deep into looking at trauma and the way it can show up in your body and everything, like every illnesses and all that kind
of stuff, it's just interesting. I every now and then have a little think about the things that I would do differently, and I'm like, oh, is that going to cause you know, some sort of childhood trauma when they're older? Like I'm always thinking about that kind of stuff. And then I'm like, what could I have done differently, But then at the same time, I'm like, you couldn't have done anything differently because you didn't know any different So you did what you could at the time in terms of,
you know, letting babies cry themselves to sleep. And now we're hearing about how that's abandonment trauma and you know, like all that stuff, and it's like, but we didn't know. Yeah, so actually we did our best.
I think if you want to go extra on that extra woo woo, do you believe that each and every one of us have already got our paths written for us.
Like when you talk.
About woo woo in the universe, right, just going back to your trauma piece, the universe is written, right, It's already written for us.
So technically, if they're meant to.
Have trauma from you leaving them cry in their bed for an extra eight minutes when they were children, they're going to have that, Like it's already written. That doesn't change anything in the significance of how we show up on a day to day basis and how we can change and grow and evolve as we are as parents now.
Yeah, but it's.
Been and done. You can't change that it's all in the past, right, Yeah.
And it's interesting you say that because out there on the whiteboard there is written in ideas podcast ideas. Has the universe already written your life? And I've wanted to do a podcast on that for a while, but I just don't know enough about that.
See, yeah, I don't know either.
But when I talk about that, I look at it and go, yes, each and every one of us from our childhood have a piece of trauma, if not seven, ten, twenty, depending upon what childhood you've had, like, it does play a part in who you are and how you show up now as a parent a hundred.
And it's the lessons that you learn from it.
But that's the difference is you've got to choose to learn the lessons to be able to evolve and become the next version of yourself, which then in turn benefits the children and benefits the people around you, but most importantly, it benefits yourself. So look, if they've got a bit of trauma, Katie, don't beat yourself up. They're gonna be okay. We are okay, We've had our little.
Share of you know, in our childhoods. It's all good.
What we're taking from this is if you lost your shit with your kids this morning. Yeah, it's's okay because it's all meant to be.
Yeah.
Am I bad mum for letting them?
Just letting them?
Yeah?
See, this is a very controversial topic. It's unlike us. Not everyone's going to agree with what I've done. But let me explain my reasons for it.
I'm nervous. Why am I nervous?
I've got teenagers. Actually, when I say controversial, I also kind of feel like there's definitely people that will go, oh, my goodness, you can't do that. But well, I think there's people that say that about everything we do talk.
About on here. Don't worry about just one topic.
But I think also if we then take ourselves back to being teenagers, I reckon there's a lot of people that would also have done the same thing. So my girls are fifteen turning sixteen in a few months.
Yeah.
Now they've been invited to their first party. Yeah, and so they're like, mum, you know, says any party, and can we go? I was like, yeah, of course you can go. Yeah, it's totally fine. And they said, just to let you know, and this is another reason, and for what I'm about to tell you, because they're quite sensible kids, like I trust them, and they're very open with us, like they talk about a lot. They said, I just let you know there's going to be alcohol there.
And I was like okay, And they said, are you okay with that? And I was like mm hmm, yeah, because I really hope that I've given you the education to know what to do in that situation, like you don't want to be drinking alcohol and vomiting in the gutter and being brought home by a policeman.
Extreme, Yeah, keep going.
First of all, they asked me, like what do we do, Like should we take something with it? And I was like, yeah, absolutely. When you go to someone's house and they've invited you over for something, I would always take you know, as an adult, I would take you know, bott of wine whatever.
Yeah.
And so I said to them, I'm fine with you taking Avoka Cruiser each.
What did they say?
And they were like okay, yeah, great, And I said, and I want you to be sensible around if there's other stuff on offer or whatever, then I'm trusting you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm giving you my support. I'm going to take you to this party and I'm going to pick you up afterwards and you can take of AKA cruiser. And I want the rest of your decisions that evening to be sensible ones that I'll be proud of. Yeah, And they
were like, yeah, okay, we wouldn't want any more than that. Anyway, I was like, okay, cool.
Now.
The controversial part is it's technically illegal, I.
Know, underage drinking.
Yeah.
However, my thing is at the moment, my kids are opening up to me and they're telling me stuff. So they're telling me when their friends are vaping, they're telling me when someone's done something with a boy, they're telling me when there's alcohol at you know, they could have easily said to me, oh yeah, her parents, And I do believe the parents are going to be there. I mean, I can't imagine you'd ever want fifty teenagers in your house.
Absolutely not.
But my thing is that if I say no to that stuff now, and obviously there's limits, like I'm not going to say yes to bloody bottle of vodka, vockerans and cocaine. I'm definitely not going to do that. However, my thing is, at the moment they're being very honest with me, yeah, And I also know my girls would be feeling quite guilty if they were lying to me about stuff, because it's just the type of kids they
are at the moment. Who knows if that will change. Yeah, but I'm like, if I'm the parent that says no to that, then they're just going to do it anyway and start lying about it.
Yeah, you're trying to weigh up which way is yeah, the way to navigate this. There's no best way to navigate this.
And the interesting part is they then said to me they're going with a friend, and I said, why don't you write her over? You know, you can get ready together and get dressed and all that kind of stuff, and will drop you and her off. Amelia said to me, Mum, will you be able to get a vodka cruzer for this other friend? And I said, only if I can speak to her mom or dad. I said, I'm not just buying alcohol for your friends. For someone else's child, I said, does her parents know? So you're asking me
to buy it? And she wi no, That's why I'm asking you to buy it because her mum won't let her have one. And I was like, okay, cool, Well, I'm absolutely not going to then there's no way. But what's interesting is that that friend has asked her to ask me to get it, so she's fully intending on doing it behind her parents back because they've said no. This is my argument. It's like what's right, what's right, and what's wrong? You can do I did it anyway. I used to lie to my mom all the time.
I used to tell her I was having a sleepover at someone's house. I'd get the train to the city and go to a nightclub with a fake idea, Like my mom had no idea. But that's because she didn't allow a certain it was.
Just a definite no. Yeah, yeah.
I think it's a super hard one. There's no right or wrong answer. You'll have pushback on either side of the decision. I am exactly like you. I learnt the very hard way because I don't think it was just even a conversation with my mum. It wasn't even brought up right because I also knew that the answer would be a clear no yeah, kind of like that other side of going why would I lure her in and go, hey.
This is what I'm thinking of doing. What are your thoughts?
And she would have been like over my dead body. You know, that's exactly the mom that she was, So that would be in definite no.
But did that stop me. Absolutely not.
I had my fair share of those experiences underage.
I don't know. I don't think there's a right or wrong.
I think the education piece that you set as a tone with your children from get go about alcohol is really important.
Yeah. So I've definitely had the conversation around the dangers of alcohol, which they've done at school as well, Like they're aware the dangers of alcohol, the keeping yourself safe, you know. I've even talked to them about you know, those sickly sweet like Alco pops and how you don't even feel like you're drinking and the next minute it hits you, and that you should have it super slowly.
And also the like the reason why there's an agent limit on alcohol is because it's really not good for your child brain that's still developing.
Yeah, to have it.
So I think one is a problem.
Not really do.
I think that I'm pretty confident that the education around it is understood and I do have a trust for them.
Yeah.
I think the other part is that it was always an open conversation when we were more of the older side of the underage, so like seventeen or whatever, and the house parties that we would go to, the parents knew we were drinking. So it was just around that whole understanding of like your body size, the capacity in which it can contain, like in terms of alcohol, and sort of what the side effects are and how they
can affect you. And I think you've laid with the conversation. Well, it's one of those real hard ones where you go, would you rather them behind your back doing it or in front of your face? Yeah, because either way I believe that they will experiment and try it. So you're opting for the first one to be upfront, honest and in front of you.
Yeah. Right, Yep. It's a tough one.
Because I imagine there'd be people listening going, oh my god, what are you doing? Absolutely not. Well, I get that to you in it.
Yeah.
Well it's the same as before you have children and you go, I'm never going to have my child sitting on an iPad at dinner in a restaurant. The next with it, Yeah, it changes.
This is the thing though.
We can hold judgment from the start, right from the get go. Oh, I never do that, and then you're in the thick of it and you're going, oh, fuck, this is really affected the way that I thought I would show up as a parent, or you know along the lines. Something's sort of change. Now you're navigating two near sixteen year old girls, then education is the key. I don't think that you can ever stop it. They've got to make the decision whether they do want to experiment with it or they don't.
We can't stop that either.
We can continue to influence them and teach them the side effects.
Like I'm like that with drugs.
I'm heavy on the chat about drugs because I do not condemn them at all.
Yeah. I mean, look, it's going to be a totally different story if they come to me one day and say we want to just try some heroin at this party.
Of probably well the answer to this one will be no. But yeah, hard one.
To navigate that great topic because I think it's so relevant, especially for all of the mums and dads navigating teenagers right now. Yeah, tough one.
Thank God, who would have thought you were there already if only I was having just one vocka crew were at a party at sixteen
And not coming home in a police car,