Apogae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mum? Podcast? I do feel like a bad mum today. You know, you just have those moments and you're like, oh, do things so much better?
What could possibly have gone on?
I think when you see how other people do it, the choices that they make, and again we're seeing that, so you know it might not be actually what's happening. But then I'm like, I then have like this spiral of looking back at how I've reacted to things and how I've done certain things and gone probably want to changed that.
I mean, I come in here and we do this podcast, and I think maybe once a week I've touched base with you and gone, ah shit, Like I get it.
We're all there.
But at the same time, I don't know. This whole guilt piece that we just continually stick on as moms and dads and grandparents, it's becoming wearing, Katie. I'm getting tired of this mother guilt. I beat myself up because of the way that I react to Elsie, even though Elsie was so rude to me this morning, But then I'm the one beating myself up. I don't know where I stand Katie this parenting thing. Yeah, like you're beating yourself up. I'm beating myself up.
Are they No, Well, it depends on the kids, because I definitely think I have one that's like whatever, fuck you, and off she goes with a day. I have another one who will if we have an argument in the morning, I'll get a text. Yeah right, and she's not okay with carry on her day until she knows that it's been solved. It's a nice trade.
I don't mind that trade.
Yeah, but it's like, well, in the moment, you didn't fucking care.
Yeah, I've probably got one of each as well. The one that's like fuck it, I don't care is the second born that walked out of the gate this morning like I was the bad person, feeling hurt by her, like dismissal of me and telling me to shush because I'm too loud. She's trying to listen to something, but like did it numerous times. Yeah, I said to her, excuse me, like why are you speaking to me like that? She went sh I went silent, and I just walked out.
Then we passed each other at the gate. She just looked at me like I was again the problem for telling how to get off her iPad whilst walking to school. Honestly, it is wild.
Yeah, you're always the problem, and that doesn't stop. Like I know that you look at me with my grown up, seen year old now and think it might get better. Well it doesn't. It gets worse, my friend to get so much worse. Am I a bad mum for treating them like primary school kids. They are constantly saying to me, we shouldn't have to have a bedtime, we shouldn't bring our screens down. We're sixteen, we're almost adults. We could move out. In fact, Amelia even said to me the
other night, she went, I can have sex. I can. She was listening all the things that you can do. I can drive. I turned around and went, but you don't act like sixteen year old. When you act like you're sixteen, I will treat you like you're sixteen because at the moment you are not acting like that. And I'll tell you why. Rite we introduced a homework needs to be done by eight thirty rule.
I love this rule, and I'm gonna let you explain it all. But I love this rule. I've actually in my head deeper over this because I was like, I love this rule. I don't see any holes in it.
Because my life at the moment or up until this rule. Although the rule hasn't fully come into force because there's been some pushback.
Yeah, there's some teething issues before it's landed.
Yet my thing is right. We get home normally by four pm. That gives you four and a half hours from four pm to eight thirty pm to get your work done. It's not going to take that long. If you've got it done by five, great, You've then got your own time. What has been happening is they fuck around wonderful TikTok scrolling. This is the example. Right the other day, Amelia starts her homework at nine point fifteen. What are you doing? Screens are supposed to come down
by nine o'clock? What are you doing starting it? I need to do this. I've got an assignment this due. I was like, why are you doing it now?
Yeah?
Because I didn't have any other time. I was like, okay, what about the fact that we got home at four? What about that whole time? Like, it's now nine to fifteen, that's what fun It's a lot of hours. What is that for? Five?
Six?
Seven eight. That's five over five hours, a lot of hours. What are you doing in that time? Well, I had to have dinner, it didn't take five hours. I had a shower that didn't take five hours. I mean it could over leg out. I mean yeah, typical sixteen and she's making up all these excuses. Rachel. I was like, no, let me have a look at your phone. Let me have a look at what you were actually doing for that whole time. Three hours on TikTok de pop for like an hour and a half. So started her homework.
At nine point fifteen. I went to bed. I was like, whatever, fucking do it all night for all I care. And then my head, I'm still like, if she's up till midnight, she's gonna be horrible tomorrow.
It's like the next three days, it's like, yeah, i'ck on effect of it. And they think that they're just gonna be a okay, And.
That still happens with them, Like they think they can stay up all night long, and then they wonder why they're so emotional the next day, and I'm like, because you're tired. And then they turn around to me and go, everything you say is because we're tired, Like, if we're not feeling well, you're tired. If I'm emotional, if I'm upset by something.
Tired, absolutely exhausted.
How so it's a mom answer. I was so mad when I saw the amount of times she spent on TikTok and the amount of times she'd spent on deep op, and I was like, this has to stop. We are bringing in a new rule, and the rule is that homework has to be done by eight thirty PM. And there was pushback and there was arguing, and there was rudeness and attacking us. And I've told all of my teachers and they think it's ridiculous. I emailed their head of house yesterday, rach I emailed her and I said,
this is what's been going on tonight. Can you please help with getting them to manage their time for their assignments because this is what's just happened. She's telling me. All our teachers say it's ridiculous at sixty. I'm like, you don't have to go to bet at hate thirty. And you're also not giving them any context. The context is that you spent five hours scrolling on your phone yep, and then you started your assignment at nine point fifteen.
So when your teachers say that it's ridiculous that you have to stop homework at eight thirty, it's because you didn't give them context.
Yeah, what you're teaching them is that it's like such a long time and easily done on a device, just scrolling in the depths of nothing. And I get it, we all do it, but it's like this whole piece of like your brain is not developed with the logic to go, I'm wasting three hours of my five hour bracket of getting my assignment done.
I get it.
I get that you've had a really busy day at school and that whole six hours that you went to school it's very draining on your brain. But also what you're doing right now, it's like self soothing, self numbing, Like it's not good for you. What you're doing is not good for you. You could be doing a lot of other things that's going to be a little bit more, you know, counterproductive.
It feels so much nicer to get the work done first, Like I don't understand when that clicks in. Yeah, and do you know the problem is right, I can say to them, leave your phones down here, and they will just because everything's on the laptop. This is the problem with Apple. Apple is the problem. Yeah, they talk to each other, the phone talks to the laptop. Everything's on there. They still get Snapchat on there, They've still got TikTok
on there. Like, everything's still there. They actually don't really give a shit if they have to leave their phones downstairs. And then you can't not let them have their laptops because they can't do their work. You also, because I've contemplated everything, right, I've also contemplated switching off the Wi Fi and they can't do their assignments without the Wi Fi.
Yeah, I know.
Is it access to everything?
Everything?
Yeah?
And it's a really hard one because we've had like some really cool discussions around the idea of like over restricting kids with devices and then the free range sort of parenting with devices. And you know, your girls are in well and truly in that next bracket of like you know, sixteen, they're officially allowed on social media.
La la la, all that stuff that goes with it.
Right. I think every one of them has got hurdles, every single one of them. But as adults, Katie, we don't have the brain capacity sometimes to put our phones down when they are unhealthy for us. So then as a sixteen year old when it's all sparkling, it's all like so overwhelming. How do they know to do this? I know that we like you know, could bang on all day about devices and stuff like this. You're in a really hard basket with this. But going back to
what the rule was, I think it's great. I think what you're doing, my honest opinion, would be constructing an area downstairs where the homework must be done. You're not controlling them, you're not doing that, but it's just like overseeing that they're actually sitting there doing that rather than sitting on snap and I just go like, don't want to go.
Fucking up there every ten minutes checking what they do. It's stressful for me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think for us obviously, Grace is just starting right and the use of laptop is only for school and so to do her homework, We've got an area that I've sort of made like that's where you can go and do your homework. Why because you're still in view with me, and I know when you're fucking around, I know when you're actually doing the work. And then you can also lean on me if you need a little bit of help, or you want spelling
or whatever. It is. Your presence and my presence know that it's going to be harder to do what you want to do. Maybe it's too late, Katie, I don't know.
Your girls are gonna have to.
Like learn the hard way, maybe where they just get really bad grades, which you don't want.
They were up until three am on Sunday night. Monday morning, three am, Holly was up doing her assignment and then she's up again a six. I was like, does that not make you feel like She's this makes you feel like, oh n, this makes me feel alive. I love living on the edge.
I love it.
And you're like, is wrong with you