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Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mum? Podcast? We constantly asked that question, am I a bad mum? We don't always do it like a child psychologist would recommend.
Oh, no, that's way to buy the book for me, Katie.
There would be so many better ways of doing things. But I feel like then you're not being human, You're not being in the moment, you're not having normal feelings.
Even that Save Our Sleep. That's a great book, just by the way, if you're actually listening to us and you've got a little person like Little Little Person that Save Our Sleep. I got given that book and was recommended highly for that book. Anyway, long story short, didn't read all of it, just skipped through to the parts that I needed, which was like routine, the daily routine of like eat, sleep, play, stimulate. Perfect That's all I
needed from that. But the idea of like reading all of it to try and tell me how to parent, I was like, No.
I read a terrible book. It wasn't terrible at the time, but when I look back on it, I would definitely do things differently. And name's Gina Ford and it was the contented Twins and they do a contented baby, contented twins, and it was very good in the military operation of getting twins to sleep. Yeah, yeah, and on a good routine. It was great for that. However, it was very like don't make eye contact with your baby and doing everything
like super super strict. Yeah, it was very much to leave the baby, let it settle all that stuff that now we know is really fucked them up.
Well, I think there's parts of you that go, like as a mom or like just as a parent, you know what you can do, because I remember I tried to do this self soothing where there was like the theory of letting them cry themselves to sleep. And I sat outside of her bedroom as she cried, and I last said, they say last eleven minutes, and I lasted eight minutes. And I was an utter head case and I was crying, and I went back in. I picked her up. She's still crying. It did not work for me.
It wasn't for me, but for some people it works in it really is quite effective.
I don't know, Like I've since done a lot on like abandonment, trauma and like kind of stuff, and I'm like Jesus, so probably do things that they're really That's what grandkids are for, isn't it. We fuck up with the first ones and then grandkids are second go at life. Look at Nanadee, what a great example. She let you live on two minute noodles. She does not let our grandchildren.
Have to No, definitely don't give them those.
Am I bad mum for letting go?
I like this.
You've spoken before about the struggle of them getting that bit older and not needing you so much for things, and potentially how that is difficult. I'm finding it really easy.
I was waiting for you to actually just sing me into it, like let it go, and I was like, Okay, I can see where this is.
What I've found is like I found. And obviously fifteen, they are very capable of doing a lot, a lot more than I think they led on most of the time. And we've talked before about the fact that they were getting themselves up in the morning. It's still happening, by the way, so good.
I was wondering that there's been a lot happening in your household with the girls at the moment. So I was thinking with the new additions of like possible jobs and all the rest, that it was like, maybe it was going to shift a little bit because you know, it happens because they're so tired. But yeah, that's great that they're still doing it. I love this.
They're still getting themselves up, so setting their alarm clock, getting themselves ready. I mean, the making the bed is questionable.
The bus, though, is still happening.
Yeah, the bus, getting to the bus, making the lunch boxes, that's still happening.
So good.
Not always the night before. But again, I'm letting go because I'm like, if you don't give me reason to get angry in the morning because you haven't got time to do it, yeah, then fine, leave it to the morning if that's what you want to do. Yeah, I'm letting go. I'm letting go on so many levels. Bedtimes. I'm easing up a bit on my obsession with you
need to go to bed at this time. And I'm like, you know what if you feel like shit tomorrow because you haven't had enough sleep because or if there's problems with you getting up and getting your stuff ready and getting to school, yeah, that's when I will clamp down on the fact that you need a bedtime again. Otherwise, Okay, bring your devices down still at a certain time is important for me, Yeah, because I don't want to it
the whole time completely. But you know, if you want to have a little tinkle on your keyboard or read a book, they'm fine. But they do go to sleep when you go to sleep. But just know that you're going to feel terrible if you don't get enough sleep.
Yeah.
Yeah, So I've kind of let go a little bit on that. I let go on something that I realized the other day, rate in that they went back from school to their friend's house for a sleepover. I realized halfway through that evening that I didn't even know the address of this person whose house that they were going to be at, And I was like, oh shit, I'm a terrible mom for not knowing where they are tonight. They've got life three sixty so I can see where they are.
Yeah.
It just would be a problem if their phone died.
Because yeah, yeah, or they turn off their location. Yeah yeah.
At one point I actually called and I said, oh, hey, where are you and they went, yeah, we're still at school. I was like, how are you even getting to her house? And they went, oh, getting the train, But I said, were you walking to the train station? They went, oh, we're going to get an uber. I was like, okay, right, Oh. They got an uber from school to the train station. They got on the train, and then they got the train to their friend's house and they ended up at the house.
Oh my goodness, and quick.
Text saying good night, we're going to bed now whatever time it was, and holy texts back and when we're going to bed soon too. Spoke to them the next day.
And they were fine.
They were fine.
So you have to get to that point, don't you have to trust?
Well, what I've realized is that I I am not finding it that difficult to let go, Like I'm trust I trust them, which I think is a really big thing. Yeah, I mean, God knows, you know. I think my mum trusted me, and I don't think so. But there was no such thing as life through sixty back then. She didn't know that I was on the train and I was going out clubbing.
Yeah, you didn't know what was going on, because that's the difference. Yeah.
But the other thing is on the weekend, they were talking to me about wanting to dye their hair and I've been like, no, you've got lovely hair color, Like keep it natural, you don't need all those chemicals blah blah blah blah blah. And in the end they went, we really want to try it's not going to be much different. We just want to go a couple of shades darker. And then they like looked at me and went like your color and I was like, oh, that's fluttering.
I said, okay, but I'm not going to the shop, Like, we don't need to go to the shop. So if you have to, if you want to walk down and get it, okay, they both said. So they left the house rage. They walked to worse They grabbed themselves a terrible box dye and they brought it back. But that's when I then could not control my helicoptering. Yeah yeah, because I was like, okay, now we've got permanent hair dye in my bathroom with my towels, and hollywent, it's
all right, I'm going to do Amelias. I was like, I don't think so you don't understand, like there's serious chemicals in these dyes, like they were really actually quite bad for you. I said, I don't want to be in a situation where Amelia goes blind and my towels get ruined.
Ah. My question was exactly that. So when that kicked in, was it more about the child's well being or was it the fact that your bathroom was about to get trashed and your towels were going to be ruined.
I let her do it, right, I let Holly do it. But I was hovering over her and I hated myself for it. I was hovering over her and I was like, stop shaking it up. She's shaking it up. It's going over where. I was like, it's fluttering all over you, like this shit does not come out. And then she goes to put it on the side. And then I'm like, oh my god, you've got it on the bottom of the bottom and now it's on the bench. Now it's staining the bench.
Oh my god.
Me I'm like, oh my god. In terms of letting it go, I let it go to a certain extent, and then the uncontrollable helicopter came into play.
That's totally fine for me. I would have been exactly the same, only or the sheer fact. I wouldn't have even considered the fact that, you know, one of them would go blind. I would be more just watching the train wreck of the bathroom situation. Yeah, I never did that stuff. I never did the dye the hair dye because my mum owned a hair dressing salon, so we were always at the salon. Yeah so Wed, Yeah, we had more like exposure to a lot more things there.
I remember when my brother found the ear piercing gun and oh my god. Yeah. So I mean, as kids, we probably got into way more issues than you know, a bit of Box Star. And now that I think about.
It, I thought back to when I was a teenager because I was absolutely adamant, you don't need to dye a hair blah blah blah. And then I remembered a photo that I've got school photo of myself in year nine or ten, year ten maybe, and I've got like my hair's nearly black, as you know, like it's very very dark, and I believe blonde. Oh and I bleached it blonde. But in this school photo I had about regrowth,
two inches of black regrowth. And I was like, okay, a little bit of you know, one shade darker box is okay.
The bleach is where it brings me unstuck.
And my mom had no idea I was doing that one minute black hair the next minute blonde?
Did it go blonde? Blonde? Though, because you usually have to work it down like a few especially when you're really dark and then you're going to go blonde for it not to then be bleached and fall out of your scalp.
No, it probably did. I definitely didn't do it the way that you're supposed to do it. I just shoved on that bleach next minute blonde.
Interestingly, though, I'm going to put it to you why we're talking about things that you possibly did and not wanting your children to do. But at the same time, Grace's eleven. I was eleven when I decided to hack my legs with a razor.
And I remember doing it.
Mum didn't know. I just literally just took it upon myself in the bath one night. Yeah, and I just did that. But I have the biggest scar on my shin oh learning to Yeah, you know those that's where you look down at the razor and you can see your skin coming out of the razor. Yeah, I had that. That was my first, very first experience of shaving my legs. I was in a warm bath, so it just kept.
Oozing blood anyway.
I then had to get out of the bath and not only confess the fact that I've just shaved my legs at eleven to my mum with her razor and get in trouble for that, but the fact that then Mum had to fix my leg because it wouldn't stop bleeding because of how much of a chunk I'd taken out. I've got this situation now with Gracie and a couple of her friends all now shaving their legs and they're all eleven, and I'm like, no, you're not doing that.
That is not necessary. But deep down in my heart of hearts, no, the story of my Yeah, I don't know what to do. It's blow in my mind. I'm like, oh, you're such a hypocrite, Rachel, this is shit.
I let the girls shave their legs.
What age? When do you reckon? Was it twelve or thirteen? Was it high school starting?
I feel like it was high school? But well, okay, let me ask you a question, because I'm doing this a lot with some of the stuff that I am facing with having teenagers, and you've got to picky battle. So we talk about this all the time. What's really important? So when it comes to your health and you know, definitely no to vaping and all that shit that's actually going to ruin your lungs at some point. But then I go, okay, shaving your legs, what harm is it going to do?
Yeah? I know, Well, it's just that whole age appropriate thing of going like, why am I allowing her to grow up so quickly when she's got the rest of her life to have to shave her goddamn legs. And then when you do shave your legs for the first time, no one tells you. Then they grow back and they're actually thicker and facer and stubble and gross, and there's no getting out of it after that other than you know, like later down the track when you do all the
whatever you choose to do. But that was my thing of just going like age appropriate, when is it age appropriate? What is the right thing to do? I don't think there is a right or wrong thing to do? Right?
My girl started getting embarrassed because they've got dark hair, yeah yeah, And so they got embarrassed that they had hairy legs. So I was like, okay, yeah, well, if you're feeling embarrassed you got hairy legs and shave them, do you know? What's interesting rate is that I've always said that if you start shaving your legs, it will grow back really stubbily. If you google it, it says that doesn't happen. It does.
Mine also grow on an angle. I swear to God. I was like, I don't even know why they've grow on an angle right near my calf muscle, Like that's just weird. But at the same time, if my legs are prickly, Elsie will go, eh, gross, your legs are so prickly like, and you go, yeah, I know, yeah, I know.
Figure that if they want to shave their legs, they can shave their legs, and yes, it will go back stubly for a while, but at some point they will earn money to then pay for laser like what we can do, and then you fix up.
The dreading the next day.
It's peer pressure, though, it's peer pressure. I know one the friends start doing stuff like that, she's going to want to do it.
Next to the line of cocaine
Joking shaving your legs next up,