Apodae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mum Podcast?
School holidays school holiday fun for some, Yeah, not for me. I don't have my kids at home for the school holidays, Katie, and I'm not coping with it. I never ever thought there would be a day in this lifetime of mine that I would say that.
No, neither did I, because when you do have your kids home during school holidays, it's a completely different conversation about wanting them to be away for school holidays to give you a break, and now you've got the break.
Well, I think it was because it was so last minute and I was away with them for five days straight for a dance a Stedford competition, which you know emotions get high on which we all know. And then I came back from the Dancestdford and they were leaving like that afternoon to go away with my mom Nanadi, to head off out Bush to like the middle of Queensland. And now I'm sort of left going what do I do with my time because I'm just so used to filling it with school holiday stuff.
Yeah, but it's also when you haven't planned it as well. So we had a situation at the beginning of the school holidays where the girls went to a friend's house. They've got like a farm out somewhere, like a couple of hours away, and they were like, can we go for three nights? And I spoke to the mom. I spoke to the mom really late, like the night before. I was like, I better call mom, like I've never even met her, and I was sending my kids.
You're like, Hi, it's nice to meet you. You're taking my kids for three nights.
Yeah, And she was like, oh no, it's totally fine, like we've got lots of stuff planned. And they had the absolute best time. But I had a moment of panic. I haven't organized anything. They're gonna be away for three nice it never happens. I haven't organized anything. I said today. I was like, we should go away?
And what do you mean?
I said we should go away, Like, let's have a look at the flight deals, let's go. He was like, we can't just go away.
We've got work.
I was like, oh yeah, but the kid's going to be away for.
Like, yeah, you shouldn't like catch a movie or do something like that. But when we were coming home from news, so they were fighting, like squabbling like crazy, and then I was sort of going, gosh, I don't know what my time is going to.
Be filled with when you're not here.
Now that I've got the silence, I'm sort of going, what do I do with my time minus these children? But at the same time, I'm a bit like, I'm too tired to go out and do anything.
When the kids are older and they move out of home, what the hell are we going to do? Everything we do is around now.
I know I dread that hard.
I don't know what I'm gonna have to, like reinvent myself.
Maybe I don't know we're gonna do that.
We're gonna have to talk to our husbands those question marks around Like quick, let's go on a holiday.
You'll just be holidaying full stop.
Would be lovely. I think I'm probably even like camping is not really my thing, but imagine hiring a nice camp van, just going away, just the two.
Of you, like, just no kids, just driving.
You're not having to vacuum up the sand every time someone walks in.
You'll have to take your dog though, and your cats.
That'll be an expensive holiday.
Am I bad Mum for telling them? I feel bullied?
You feel bullied from your own children.
Yeah, I had this conversation yesterday. This is a vulnerable thing to say, because like, if I'm listening from the outside to what I'm about to say, I will go, oh, wow, you need to smoke on yourself, because we talk about having kids being tough, but it's tough having teenagers because teenagers literally think that you know nothing. And I'm not even joking when I say that.
It's not a joke because every person you talk to that may be parenting teenagers right now say the exact same thing.
Yeah, And I will say sometimes like I've been around forty one years, like I know stuff. There's stuff that I do know, And then I'll have the moment of going, you nothing, you know nothing. The merely turned to me. Turned around to me the other day and Tim, and I can't even remember the word to you, what does this mean? And I was like, I don't know what that means. She was like, see, it's gen Z. You
don't know about gen Z stuff. And I'm like, you're having all the same problems that we have as millennials. It's just in a different time. The only thing that's different is technology. It's the only thing that's different.
And the names that you're using to describe it, that's the stupid name.
It's a stupid name.
So all you're trying to do is trying to have us slip up over the stupid name you've on something that we've already gone through.
So I get to the point sometimes where I feel like they're looking at me like I'm stupid and disgusting joking, like seeing is like a big word, because teenagers look at you and your fashion, you know how, you know, like mean girls. If you were to see someone and then they'd look you up and down and you'd be like, what's wrong with my outfit? Like you know, And some
people do it without even realizing. I've noticed that some people, like I can be talking to someone sometimes and notice that they're looking down something, and I'm like, get really paranoid. I'm like, what you like wrong with something?
Hang toilet?
Everyone looking at So I have moments of feeling like that, And what I've realized is that it makes me feel bad about myself. Like I go to hug my teenagers sometimes and they're like literally at arms links and I'm like, what's wrong with me? Like I don't smell of how
to shower, like what's wrong with me? And I realized that it makes me feel it's the mean girl thing like it makes and because you're the mum and yes they love you, and yes they care for you, and if you actually talk to them about it, like they would feel bad. However, in the moment of having attitude, you're wrong about everything. You you're disciplining me and I don't need it, Like basically you're fucked as a person.
You have moments of it really getting to you. Yeah, And I even said yesterday, I was like, I feel really sad about how.
You make me feel.
If you feel bad about myself.
Oh my gosh, did they say anything?
Yeah, like, what do you mean? I think Holly called me a sensitive Sally.
I was like, you're like, I'm having a moment, I'm feeling down about myself and now you call me sensitive.
Ah, just topping it off, I.
Think, but what do you do? Like, I feel like I need to go and have a session with a counselor about remembering myself worse when it comes to having teenagers.
Yeah, because I think, well, we get that was going to be my suggestion was go and talk to someone and see what the tools are that you could add to your obviously tool belt of life and being able to manage and deal with certain situations like the resilience peace. Right, there's a part of resilience of you going I love who I am. I'm a good person, I'm a good mother. That's a you problem and it's not a me problem.
And it's just being able to like almost go back over what you need to be able to just like instead of taking it personally and taking it to heart. And it's not like putting a shield up because you're not doing that to your kids, right, You're not putting a shield up and going, oh, fuck you, but you're just sort of going, you know, whatever you say, you're just like, it's not going to affect me.
Well, that's a you thing. It's not a me thing. That's a self worth thing.
You've got to do the work for yourself to feel good about who you are, how you show up and what you know.
Yeah, it definitely is that bully feeling, like that mean girl feeling, because do you remember I used the analogy a while ago where I was like, imagine if you took the bully at your school, like who's the bully at your school who's really mean to everyone, and you sat her in your car and then drove around everywhere she wants to go. Its like, even though she's side eying looking at you like you're.
A piece of shit, piece of shit.
I think also, you're up against two of them, same hormones, same level of mean girl.
That doesn't feel nice in.
Itself at all because you feel like you're outnumbered. I think naturally, with parenting, you feel out numbered as soon as you get past the first baby, because you are you're naturally out numbered. Yeah, it's you, you know, V two or three or twenty three. I don't know how many kids you have. I wouldn't be here for three years.
I'd be an asylum, but you know what I mean. Like, that's where I think you've also going to probably give yourself a little bit more credit around the fact that you're up against two, not one, and you're up against two big, beautiful balls of hormones racing at you, plus your own.
Yeah, it's really interesting the feeling of, oh, wow, I do I need to do some work on myself right now and how I feel about myself, especially when the two people that you've given everything to in life. When I say everything, I mean every terms of love, but also everything like I got my kids braces. I want braces, but I spent the money on their teeth so that theirs look nice. And then you've got two much better looking and younger versions of you looking at you like you're a piece of shit.
I need help. I think it's more.
I think it's a great self reflection piece, Katie, And I think all you do is just put yourself in to chat with someone, just to get it off your chest and to hear that it's okay. And then when you come home and they have another go, you're gonna just flick it off like a little thing on your shoulder and walk off like you're the one that's in charge again, not in charge, but you're in charge.
Of your own self work and your heart is precious.
So imagine that conversation now that starts. So, Katie, what are you here to talk about today? I'm just really really sad about myself because my teenager like a little piece of shit.
I feel bullied in my own house,