Apotiate production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I A Bad Mom? Podcast? The question we constantly ask am I A Bad mum?
And the answer will sometimes the answer will sometimes vary, but that's okay, that's what we do, what we do and why we do it. I think it is a lengthy process, this parenting. And we've got friends going through different things, Like one of our good friends right now, she's going through.
Teething mh remember that.
Actually, you know when some people ask you, they're like, oh, what did your daughter have get her first time? I don't know, yeah, actually don't know whether it was like three weeks or six months.
I also Katie had this moment where I was like, I didn't want to be that friend, but she went, oh, but you know she's been really grizzly and really snotty, and like, you know, her nappies have changed, and I've gone, yeah, and that's going to just be all the way through. And I was like, felt like that bad friend that was like you shouldn't give her the negative. But at the same time, I was like, yeah, girlfriend, this is only the start.
And this is only one thing one of the starts. Did you suggest putting a bit of whiskey on the gun. We survived it. We all had brandy on the gun. Absolutely, we did drink a bit too much now because of it, probably.
But we learn what we do from our parents.
Yeah, what are we teaching.
Our kids right now? This is my point.
Yeah, but this is like it's evolution, isn't it Like we're evolving because we're getting new information now.
I mean it's too late for our kids, Like it's they're.
Done, they're damaged, they're going to need therapy in you know, fifteen years time. But we're learning for the grandchildren that generation.
And I don't even want to think, Katie of us being.
Like this sounds like a really weird thing to say for someone just in their forties, but I'm not not looking forward to it really. Yeah, Like obviously I don't want it to happen too soon. I don't want them to be young mum, no, to have babies, you know, in the near future. But I just think you get to do the fun parenting and have the fun yeah, and not have all the shit like you pass them back for the ship. Here you go, here's sleepless nights enjoy,
here's your attitude. I'll just give them lollies for one night. I think my dad's got the right idea. Remember my dad said, I'm only ever going to have them for one Did you say one night?
I think it was one night originally, but then he stretched it to two and then he was like, why did we do that?
Yeah, and he said night two.
Take into the parenting zone and he said, I'm not doing that again. No, they were ganging up on him.
Am I a bad mum for being too strict? This comes from a place of like just reflection. We talk about that a bit hey on this podcast, of like having those moments of reflection, because that's the only way that you're going to obviously acknowledge sometimes your I guess parts of you that you could work on and get better at. And we talk about lengthening the lead, you know, like the boundaries. Yeah, she's like letting it slowly expand out. And I think at the moment my reflective state has
been Okay, am I too strict? You know? I have like certain things that I'm just I won't budge on. Like Grace is eleven and she's like I want a phone and I just won't budge on it.
Do your kids as well.
Compare you to all their other friends' parents as well, because I get all the time and it drives me crazy. You're the only parents that don't let us do that. You're the only parents that make us have a bed to nobody else is, and they shame you time and time again. Might even come home and go like Sienna thinks that you're too strict, Like, none of my friends can believe how strict you are. You guys are like the worst.
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm getting. I'm getting all of those and we're not even at high school yet.
You know that's rubbish, Like, because I will say to the girls all the time, I don't believe you.
I don't believe that you're no one has a bit.
I don't believe your friends just can't just scroll the night away all through.
Yes they can. Yeah, But the other part of it is is that, Okay, if they can, are we learning anything? Like your brain isn't even completely developed to understand why you're scrolling and when to switch off from scrolling, because like science tells us that even as adults, we don't and understand the boundaries of what we're doing when it comes to like doom scrolling, or like social media and those sorts of things. As an adult, we don't even know the cue to switch off, so your brain'sn't even
fully developed. I have to be like this so that I can protect you from this is the kind of conversation that I'm having with my children about why I do what I do. But then I have this other part of me Katie that goes, why the fuck are you explaining yourself to your You're eleven year old. That's she doesn't give a shit.
It's one of those as well that she won't even understand until she's an adult, Like she will never I said to Jay all the time, I'm like, they are not going to get this now, Like they.
Will not appreciate what we're doing now.
Now they will be older and to adulthoods before they go, oh, I.
Got why you did that. Yeah, they certainly don't get it now.
But it's like that part though, going back to the strict piece of going like, okay, am I too strict? And where could I let the leash a little bit longer? And then when I do that, what a repercussion is
going to be? Because I won't know what the repercussions are going to be until we're in it, and then that's that whole like you know, self development as a parent, like me as a human being, but also as a parent, like learning and growing and evolving as a parent as our children get older, because like my whole belief system is around that whole stages and ages. The kids are changing and they stages change as they grow that bit older.
But I believe that we as parents should be growing and evolving with them our ideas, our behaviors, the way that we show up our actions, you know, you know, that lead way louder than just talking the talk kind of thing. One is obviously no phones, that's fine. The iPad and the screen time I'm very restrictive on. Don't get me wrong. They don't miss out on TV and Netflix and ABC Kids and whatever they're watching on the TV.
They don't miss sat on that. So my kids are not without But when it comes to screen time, absolutely I'm quite restrictive, and I have my reasons why. The other part for her is not going to the park after school on a Friday, when the rest of the whole of the school is going down to the park and just up to no good, I won't let her do it.
It's what's up to, like just eleven being.
Rats basically, and that's no disrespect to anyone, but because like, the kids are absolutely of age where they're going to go on a Friday afternoon and consume loads of sugar and then run them up together, And I get that that's what we did as kids, right, But at the same time, I was like, no, it's just not appropriate, age appropriate. It's not age appropriate for you, and you're my child.
Did she want to go on her own with their friends?
Yeah? Okay, yeah, od right, And so then you're going, Okay, why am I the only because I get the whole guilt trip every time, You're the only parent that doesn't let me go? Right.
I'd love to know how many moms get the you're the only one that doesn't let must do it, because I feel like that's every child, every child, and they're playing off everyone else against.
You, right, you know it is because they absolutely are.
They're making you feel guilty and you feel bad because then you question yourself. You go, am I the only one that's doing that? In my case? Do teenagers have bed times? Because they're telling me, no one does no, but you must have you need to get up at a certain time, and you certainly My kids have never gone through the stage of going, I'm really tired, I'm off to bed.
Never have they done that yet.
Never. This is what we talk about, which is like that whole key to common sense when it kicks in. Like what age was that? When I think about back to my grade eight to grade twelve, I think I still had a restricted bedtime, But my mum very much led by. You'll definitely know about it tomorrow when you will underperform for netball. You'll be tired through mass, you won't learn a thing, and you'll just feel it all day.
You'll just feel miserable. You'll understand tomorrow why I'm telling you to go to bed by nine thirty or something, you know, Like she really led by that. So I had to learn a few harder days along the line to then for me to go, oh, yeah, actually, I'm totally okay with going to bed at nine thirty.
Yeah, mine, aren't they?
Yeah, if you are too strict, can you bring it back? Do you reckon? I've got time to bring it back without like letting them go wild.
I think it comes back to the picking your battles because there's so many things that you want to implement, right, but what's really important and what causes you more stress trying to enforce when you're like, fuck it, just let them do it.
The battle part really makes sense, Like.
What do you really believe in?
You really believe that you don't want her to have a phone right now, And I totally get that, because once they've got the phones, then you've got a whole new world of problem.
There's no going back. Though. Yeah, it's another world of problems. But I don't believe that you're out there development stage to be able to understand the processing part. There's so
much to it. It is not just like you and I when we had a Nokia thirty two ten that had like tetras on it or snake, like, it's just not the same, you know, And you'd be putting in your text message, but you'd be cautious of like the amount of characters that you use because it's going to cost an extra like twenty cents for your text message. We had those, Our kids didn't have those that have unlimited access to each other twenty four hours a day once they're online.
I think that's what you're saying is another level of parenting as well, like another reason why it's hard for us at this age because we've lived the ages of not having phones and not having the technology and not having Netflix and all the rest of it. That's something funny I saw on Instagram the other day where it was like, no, wonder we're grumpy. We went out bought CD singles every time we liked the song. Then we had to move on to MP three's.
I had a discman, Yeah, but then when the discman moved to any shock, and that any shock was like, so that you could run with your discman, but I was like, so big, didn't even fit in your hand. You can't put that in your back pocket or your side of your tides. No.
And before that it was cassettes. We had the cassettes. We had to go out by the cassettes. Then we had to go out and buy the CDs. Then we had to go out and buy the MP three's.
And now you're asking for us to pay for a subscription.
So when you say we're doing what our parents did, yeah, we are doing an element of what our parents did, but we're also doing an element of I've got no fucking clue because our parents didn't do this because we didn't have the stuff that.
They have now.
So we are brand new in the space of parenting kids that are growing up with this shit. And so in terms of your phone, I would say, hold off as long as possible.
As long as possible was.
Going to be holding off until everything's on Snapchat. Your kid's not going to get invited to any birthday parties anymore because they don't see the snaps. Hold off until then.
And then I'm going to buy them. Even at that stage at Bonafone, they're still going to get that Nokia. I think it's iconic. I think that everyone has to go through a stage of having.
Yeah, do that, fill up your wine fridge, don't have any rules, and just
Get back let it go.