APODJAP Production.
Welcome back to another episode of am I A Bad Mom?
Podcast?
I actually this is going to blow your mind. Right, Actually put some memes up on the am I A Bad Mom Instagram You Sometimes I'm unsure whether you've already put them up before and I've just missed them. And then I put them up on the story and I'm like, oh, well, if she has, they were going to just see it again.
Our followers will start to like send messages back, going, so who is this today?
Clearly we're not.
I didn't even see it, Katie, Well done to you.
Actually, Amelia sent me once.
So my daughter Amelia, every now and then she'll send me stuff on Instagram that she sees. Quite often it's to do with Billie Eish or something she wants for a birthday, But every now and then it's like a meme.
And one of the ones that she sent me.
Was once I started spending my own money, I realized Mum was right. We do have food at home. Yeah, because my reply to there's no food in the house is have a look in the fridge. There'll be some fruit. Look harder, rummage, there'll be some fruit in there. Because no one eats it. Yeah, so I know it's in there somewhere. I mean it might not be no fresh, it.
Might be on the bottom of the crisp bat and a little bit soft, but you just get a knife out cut those soft bits off.
It'll be totally edible.
The other one that she sent me, which I really liked, which I actually posted as well, because it's also relevant to me.
People see me.
Spending money and think I'm rich. Bro I'm just irresponsible? Am I had Mum for reminding them that I am the adult.
No, there's nothing wrong with this.
No, I else.
This is a topic that I've actually never brought up. I don't think in the like seven million episodes in our time, we've got so much content on our kids. This is to do with arguing with your partner, whether you're married, whether you've got a new partner, like, whatever it might be, and how kids feel about the arguing, because I don't argue with my husband very often, which I think is actually part of the problem. In fact,
I think that's a massive part of the problem. I think because they don't see it very often that when it happens, they're like, oh, this is a problem, And I feel like as they've got older, they've cared more and more about it, to the point where had an argument with Jay recently and Amelia just got so involved and it would have been easy to go do that's done this this, like I'm so mad at him. And then I literally was like, okay, stop, you're the adult.
Don't put that onto your child, Like that's not what you're supposed to do.
And so she text me when she went to school saying, you know, are you going to do this? Are you going to make up with dad?
Blah blah blah blah blah, And I started writing well, and then I went, okay, no, you know what you like?
Rite right right, all right? And then you go.
You feel kind of better after you've texted one hundred miles an hour and then you're like, no, I'm not going to say.
No, don't send that and yoused delete it, and then I went with yes, love her emoji. But what I find happens now is they get so involved that it just makes it worse. Because I was finding that she was hassling me, hassling me, hassling me, what are you arguing about? Trying to dig for information, and then I'd give her the smallest bit of information, and then she'd go to him, and he'd then think that I've been talking to her, which I hadn't, and then she'd hassled,
hassled to hassled, hassled him. He'd then given her the smallest bit of information just to shut her up and send her on away, same as I had done.
And then she comes to me and then I'm like, he's talking to her about it. That's not responsible. These are our kids. And then I just got to the point where I was like, you need to not get involved.
Let us be adults. Adults can have arguments. Everyone can argue and disagree on certain things, and then they work through their shit and they sorted out themselves and then it's fine again. What you're doing is you're getting too involved and it's not healthy for you and it's not helping us, and you're trying to be helpful but it's actually backfiring. Yeah, what are your kids like if you have an argument with Sam?
I think that we would be of similar nature.
When they're younger. They didn't care as much because I don't.
Know, Yeah, but we had a thing when they were also younger of going like if we did have a drama with each other, it would never be in front of anyone, never be in front of the kids. It would never be public. It would always be saved for when you're both just by yourself, or it would be exchanged or text message or phone calls or something when you're not around anyone else. And you can easily say
that no one fights, but that's lying. And the therapist that I saw, and you know I still see for years, she always said, and I remember bringing this up, going but we don't fight. She was like, that's not right then, Like there is anger and arguments within a relationship that can be quite healthy. And like, I'm not saying that everyone needs to argue, but I'm saying that there has to be levels of disagreement within you know, partnerships, because
that's probably what makes it even better. But the key to what she always told me, especially with the children involved, or if the children were to be around, when you'd have that disagreement or anger at each other, is she always said that the most important part is the resolution. So they might see the explosion, but what the most important part is for the kids to see is how
you resolve the issue together. Yeah, and so I've always had that in the back of my mind of going because like we know, like we've been doing this podcast for a really long time, I'm a firecracker, Like I'm definitely not an easy person to live with. Sam is definitely the complete opposite. There's moments in it where you just go wow. But Elsie now seems very she can
feel it. So when she can feel the tension, especially between him and I, or she hears us arguing, she'll like bring it up and she'll try and somewhat get involved with going you to just stop arguing, and You're like, no, this is not unhealthy. Anger is not unhealthy. We've got to express it to be able to then resolve it and move forward. That's a part of life. You're going to have this with maybe your partner, maybe me, maybe
your friends. But it is a healthy, you know, part of a relationship of the you know, especially with the people that you do care for and do have that relationship with or friendship. But yeah, so Elsie use more of the feel like Gracie will tend to like really shy away, like really sort of retreat almost if we're arguing.
I've got friends and family who the kids don't bat an eyel it because they bicker a lot, yep. And so that's a constant and that's been a constant yea. And that's why they've been little. It's like little biggers here, little bigger's here getting mad at each other, but being open, and you know, maybe that's a good thing, saying you know what you're annoyed at at that time and then fixing it instantly.
And the kids have just they ignore it. Like I watch them, it's like water off a duck's back. They're used to that.
And so I think definitely, when you're in a household where you don't argue very often, then it's a bit of a shock to them and then they start getting, you know, worried. And this is an interesting conversation as well for anyone that's like going through a breakup or whatever. It might be navigating kids when you're fucking hating each other in that moment. This is going to be a
really weird analogy. But I remember seeing something about Kim Kardashian, right, and she was talking about Kanye West.
Obviously the world.
Knows he's done all sorts of you know, things that is crazy, but she said to my children, I will always be his biggest cheerleader.
Yeah, he's their dad. That's a hard thing to do easy.
It is a very much adult thing to do.
You are not agreeing with anything they're doing or saying, and whatever they've done to you, I don't know, but you're going, Okay, I'm going to put that aside. I'm going to be really fucking grown up, and I'm going to do nothing but speak highly of them in front of my children because that's their father.
And that is something I think that we should all take that piece of advice. I mean, I wouldn't say there would be anything else that I would take from Kim Kardashian as advice, but that in itself is definitely something that I would encourage. But also, you know, have that ability to do the work on yourself to be able to park your own emotions towards that person for the sake of your children, because you've gone to the
point of right recreating humans with these people. You know, my mom could have easily shut all over my dad when they split up, like easily, but she didn't. She was always like, nope, because he's always going to be your father, And I always want you to have your father in your lives, and he's a really good man, and he's you know, and he's your dad at the end of the day, and that nothing will ever change that. And so all she did was, you know, encourage that relationship.
And she had a lot to park, Let's just put it that way, to be able to, you know, help us flourish within our relationship with our dad. Yeah, that's like another whole topic for me because I look at that and go, I'm a byproduct of that. And now, in turn, if Sam and I had to split tomorrow, there's no way that I would turn on him via my children, because all we're doing is damaging our kids.
Yeah, that's such a big and important thing to do, which my mom also did when her and my dad's up. My dad had an affair with the lady who ran the local pub.
So what my mom did, which is similar to what you're saying, she wrote on the.
Board outside where they had the lunch specials. Yep, Graham Matton has been bonking pat from behind the bar.
Don't eat here. I knew that makes me.
Because that's not affecting your kids. That's just simply stating a fact. That's very clear to the point, and it's just on the Lunch Special board.