AEE 2433: Communicate Your Boundaries in English

This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2433. Communicate your boundaries in English. Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing... on Connection Not Perfection with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City.

USA. To get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app. For iOS and Android, start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash app. Do you ever feel that you have done so much and you can't do anything more, whether it's at work or in your personal life? Today, get a key phrase to communicate your boundaries in English for more connection.

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This is your roadmap to real English and real connection. Save up to $50 before June 29th and get a free bonus course. Go to allearsenglish.com slash B2. That's letter B number. Number two. Hey, Michelle, what's shaking? Hey, Lindsay, not too much. How are you? Good, good. chatting about today on the show. Well, Lindsay, how many episodes do you think is the most you could record in one day before you get tired? Oh my gosh.

michelle i mean we can only record so many episodes in a day i remember when i was getting ready to go on my two-month road trip around the us to build the connect to communicator course i think we probably sat down and recorded like what do you think, like maybe 12 episodes a day? That's exactly the number I had in my head. That's what I think it was. Also, I know.

um you know when i was pregnant and planning for being away so we would always do sometimes we have these marathons right when we're planning for something and you we gotta like order pizza and settle in you know it's like but there's only so But you do hit a point where you do get a little tired for sure. So on a regular basis, there's only so many we can do, Michelle. Maybe it's like six.

you know yeah yeah um so today we are talking about this because we have a great listener question about how to use only so much and this is from youtube um from it says from from Krishna. um so yeah krishna says hi there i'm krishna could you make an episode of on the phrase only so much used to imply limitation and maybe impossibility as in the sentence i can only do so much in a day

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your great work. Oh, wonderful. Such a good question, Krishna. And we appreciate you as a listener. All right. Thank you so much. And we also want to thank other listeners today who have reviewed us on the iOS app. Yeah, guys, if you leave a review anywhere for the Apple Podcast Store, the Spotify.

ios app google app we will read your name out loud on the show so i'm going to say thank you to akbar from saudi arabia kamal from canada rajay firak from uh who gave us five stars not sure where that person's from mayron imami from australia huge thank you to all of you for leaving those reviews and guys leave us a review wherever you listen to the show

All right. Yes, please do. Thank you so much. Yeah. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. So again, as Krishna said, yeah, this is about limits. It can't be done or.

or it can't go on forever right it's generally used when you've done a lot of something and you kind of need a break right whether it's about one day in particular or something that goes on for a period of time yeah it's about energy limitation right you can only do so much of something until you need to do something different just uh just break break the pattern right yes

so what's the structure here let's give our struck the structure to our listeners so they can use this right so it's i can only x so much in a y so i can only verb so much and then if you're going to add on. You don't have to. You can always say, I can only record so much. Sometimes we just leave out the length of time. But it would be, I can only verb so much. in a length of time, in a day, in a year, right?

so the example that krishna used in the in the question is very common right michelle so i can only do so much in a day this means that you can't do anymore you've done everything you can you usually say this when you've really worked hard in a sense You've exerted yourself and you are done. You need to put your feet up, relax, have some dinner. What is that expression? We overestimate what we can get done in. a day or a week, but we underestimate what we can get done in a year.

Right. So usually, you know, every day this happens to me, I get to work and I think, okay, I have this long list of things. I'm sure I can get these done. Yeah. I can get all five of these huge things done. And then the end of the day goes by comes and I've done like one. and a half of the things. I way underestimated how much I could do in a day. But when I have these strong goals at the end of a quarter or a year, I look back and think, look at what we've done. We've done so much.

Interesting. Yeah, that's an interesting way of looking at it. I mean, so I guess it's just having that knowledge, you know, having that self awareness of what are your actual limits and Also, sometimes if we just say, I can only do so much in a day, it's kind of just, it's giving yourself that grace. It's giving yourself, you know, I can only do so much, right? You're giving yourself a little bit of kindness, I think.

i totally agree that is such a key piece of this phrase we did an episode a long time ago called give yourself some grace you remember that one yeah yeah right you you're you're acknowledging what you've put forth already. And you're saying you're kind of setting up a boundary, actually. Yeah, exactly. Now, would this apply to other things like what we can consume? Maybe? What do you think? Yeah, definitely. So let's do some other

examples so again we're just going to put in that verb and we're going to put in a length of time um so i can only drink so much coffee in a day or i get jittery

Yeah, this is probably true for most people. Most people will hit a caffeine limit at some point, right? And when that caffeine, when you get over that hump, you feel... terrible like you mean after you get jittery like on the way down yeah kind of well the jittery feeling and then yeah no i don't like the super jittery feeling i feel like then i need to drink a lot of water or something and just

Yeah, it feels a little out of control, right? It's weird. Yeah, I try not to get there. I don't get to that point very often, but every once in a while, if it happens, right, I'm at... maybe a brunch and you have unlimited coffee and then you're like, oh my gosh, I overdid it. Right. Or we could say, I can only talk on the phone so much in one day. Maybe you have a job that requires you to be on the phone.

right and you feel maxed out the last thing you want to do is get on the phone with a friend at the end of the day after work right or that happens also with people on the computer right you're sitting looking at the screen and then people i've had friends say they don't even want to open

computer. They don't want to look at anything, right? That's how I feel sometimes. I really can't, you know, I can't do like meditation groups on online. I want to go in person because after work, you're so tired of being online, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or I can only travel for business so much in a month, right? So maybe you're setting a boundary, right? I can't do any more. I'm done.

that's a big one i know probably a lot of our listeners work in consulting right in consulting global consulting you're sent all over the country in the world you know you're in hotels uh travel airport food that that you hit a limit real quick. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's true. And having that awareness is good. So Lindsay, let's see, what is your limit on the following?

workouts in a week okay for me probably five workouts in a week feels good that's a good week you know that's good yeah yeah what about you michelle tv shows in an evening tv shows in an evening yes It really depends on what it is like. So now I'm watching the basketball playoffs. So, you know, that's a two and a half hour event. Right. So I know that's the whole evening. But when it's not sports, I would. say three. Okay, three shows. Yeah. So yeah.

Three one-hour shows, would you say? No, no, no, no, no, no. Three. Yeah, that's the thing. Do you ever want to watch a show and you see that all the episodes are an hour and you just are like, I'm not doing an hour show. It's a lot. yeah there aren't that many half hour shows the only one i know is ghost tv has gotten much more like movies right it's gotten much longer yeah we used to do sitcoms you know the sitcoms that were probably a total of 20 minutes of actually tv right

and then it was commercials, but you're sitting down for half an hour, right? Right. Do you have, I have a question. I'm just, this is. Nothing to do with anything, but I'm just curious. Do you have the TV on in the background a lot or are you more intentional? We're sitting down to turn it on and usually it's off. I would say it's a bit more intentional. I did decide to.

quit CNN. So I around the election, I had CNN kind of on like, sort of in the background in the evening not all not all day never not during i hate tv during the day i just don't like that idea it's weird to me but um cnn was on a lot in the evening and now and then i just I tortured myself and now I'm like, I can't do it. I just hit a wall. I have to stay away.

yeah i i i'm the same way i just i had it on for a little bit last night and just immediately you're like oh no it's like the talking circles i want to see investigative journalism i don't want to see frankly i don't want to see podcasters on tv telling me their opinion about politics like i don't

hair you know i want to know what did you where did you go in the field who did you talk to what true journalism did you do you don't do that anymore as much yeah yeah it's so sad yeah so um i'm quitting cnn yes i'm with you all right one more thing lindsay restaurants in a week how many can you what's your limit good question probably two i mean yeah two yeah

To maybe like a lunch and a dinner, maybe like Friday night dinner, Sunday lunch or something. Because you do hit a limit, right, Michelle? And then you just get bored with eating out, right? yeah yeah it should be special um it really i think on the weekends pretty much during the week we eat in the whole right

Yeah, I was. But on the weekends, definitely, you know, it's hard, though, with the weather getting nicer. Yeah, I think I start to want to eat out more because they're like, oh, it's a nice night. Let's go to town and walk around. And sure. Yeah. so that's where that's where it gets tricky it's a tough one but you want it to stay special i think the point here is like anything that you do too much loses it's

it's specialness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's a good point. Let's talk about this more after the break. Okay.

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Indeed is all you need. All right, Michelle. So what else do we need to know here?

All right. So again, there doesn't have to be a time period and it can also be elaborated on. So I just wanted to give some ideas of how that would look. So I can only eat so many cookies before my stomach starts to hurt again. You're not saying in a day, right? But it's kind of implied, right? Yeah. Or we can only worry so much before we give up. Yep.

Or he can only lift so much before his arms feel like jelly. Oh gosh. You know what I say for this? I say the phrase max out. I've maxed out on X. Like I've really maxed out on gym time this week. I'm just going to go. a jog outside right yeah yeah yeah that's good that's good but i like that we're focusing in on one key phrase today i love that so this is yeah

And then in more general, like sometimes you might hear people say, there's only so much I can do, right? More broad, more general. Yeah, this one to me is more about feeling resigned or honest about your limits, right? good to tell people what's going on with you. There's only so much I can do. Yeah. And it kind of comes back. There are personality types. Like, have you done the Enneagram before?

no okay so there are certain personality types like i'm a type four which is kind of like i don't know what it is it's um people that feel like sometimes different or something that's my type but like There's a, I don't know if it's type seven or nine. I don't know which one it is, but there's a personality that just wants to like fix, fix things. And like, you might take on responsibility for fixing someone else. And this is something that I feel like someone might say.

I've tried to help this person, but there's only so much I can do. Interesting. You know? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. Yeah. all right a couple of role plays and then we'll start to head out for the day okay here we go um you are complaining to me about your job okay here we go here we go my boss just wants me to constantly answer her calls michelle Wow. Yeah, I can only talk on the phone so much in one day. I can understand that. Yeah. So you're maxed out. Again, you are hitting a limit.

Hitting your wall. You know, we can do a whole episode about just follow-ups. I mean, other ways to say this, but I really just wanted, this is such a dynamic expression. I just wanted to focus on it. And it conveys so much. It really conveys maybe a sense of burnout. you've tried to do a lot of this thing, but you're hitting that limit. So again, I said, my boss wants me to answer calls constantly. And you said, wow. And I said, yeah, I can only talk on the phone so much in a day.

Yeah. Yes. That'd be hard. Yeah. A job where you're just on calls all day long, like a sales position maybe. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be tough. Hope you would have a good headset. Yeah. Or one more. Here we go. We are at an ice cream shop. We are not at work. I love that. That is much better, Michelle. Let's go get ice cream. Okay. Let's get a whole bunch of flavors to try.

Okay, Lindsay, but not too, too much. Oh, come on. What? There's only so much ice cream I can eat in one sitting before I start to feel sick. Oh, fine, fine. i'll have to challenge you on that and see if that's true on my end i don't know how many do you usually get one scoop two scoop what do you do i actually do i do i do kid kid kids cones i do like a kitty cone and i do the um

the sugar cone. So it's like a small scoop. Usually in most places, that's a small scoop, which is big, which is already a lot of ice cream. I know. It's also huge. I don't know why I'm imagining you because I'm imagining you with your cute little kitty cone. Like, you know, when they would have like Joe Biden going out to get ice. Thank you. Wow. No, not that you're Joe Biden. No, that's a compliment. He's a good guy. I'm just imagining not, not.

But then the way of like, oh, you're just like, because I know you like ice cream so much. I like it because it's like, if you know you love something, just consume it in small amounts and then you don't. get tired of it or it still stays special right it's like this fine art you know yeah um yes but you hear you're trying to like you're just trying to get me to have way too much ice cream lindsay and i said there's only so much ice cream i can eat in one sitting before i start to feel sick

It's true. Do you ever get the waffle cones? Have you ever gotten a waffle cone in your life? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I think my kids got a waffle cone last week. Wait, you're peanut butter, right? That's their flavor? Peanut butter. No, chocolate. Well, if I can find chocolate.

peanut butter. But these days, honestly, I feel like I just went for ice cream on Sunday. It's hard to find chocolate flavors. A lot of stuff is based on vanilla, like a vanilla base, because you can do more with vanilla in terms of adding flavors to it.

you know so yeah and my son is just the same way now because i'm the like i'm like like i don't really see a point to vanilla um but but we were at my parents and they had these little cones and they had had like a chocolate outer shell but inside was vanilla so once he realized that vanilla was what was inside

disappointed yeah like oh i don't like vanilla that's a huge disappointment yeah i'm with i'm with you on that one both of you yep big disappointment but some people really like vanilla i'm sure a lot of our listeners do it's it's interesting So it sounds like a good poll question, right? We all have our unique tastes and we'll find out in the poll, which.

Flavor is better. Yes, exactly. Exactly. All right. So I'm actually going to switch which episode that I think that our listeners should check out today. We're going to go to episode 2424. You strike me as someone who will love this.

this episode. So good one to check out. All right. Where should we leave our listeners today? This is a very important thing to be able to communicate that you have hit a wall. You've hit a wall. You've hit it. You have a boundary, right? Um, so yeah, this can be helpful. from anywhere from business to ice cream it's just very very common so this listener krishna really touched on something very important um a very very useful expressions maybe one of the more one one of the most useful

We've, you know, one of our top 50 episodes, right, talking about this expression because you hear it everywhere. And it's really good to use and also to understand others of when, okay, maybe we need to back off. Yeah, the thing that's kind of counterintuitive, but actually does make sense about connection is the more you communicate your boundaries, as long as your boundaries are realistic, of course, the more people will respect you and connect with you, right?

That's huge. So really important skill for work and life and ice cream, of course, is like you said, Michelle, communicating boundaries and you now have the skills to do it, guys. Good stuff. All right. All right. All right, Lindsay. Well, this was so much fun. Go get an ice cream and I'll talk to you later. All right. Take care. Bye. Bye.

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