¶ SAG Strike Updates and Personal Updates
Hey everyone , Welcome to All About the Joy . I'm so glad to be here . I'm sorry I'm mid laughing because Cynthia cannot see one of us on screen .
You have to guess . Which one You'll have to guess , I can't tell you .
I don't know , can you see her now ? No , oh well , we all know it's Rick .
I'll see . If there were people in the live stream we could have said we're not going to say until the end of the show .
We're going to keep it as a mystery . I don't even know what to do about it . I think we're going to just have to roll with it . Cynthia , Like Andrea said , a you problem Just going to have to use your imagination , Cynthia . Yeah , but wait , here's the thing . People will have to guess who it is . You can't see .
I can hear everybody .
Anyway , let me welcome everyone to this show . Of course , cynthia is here with us with her fabulous blowed out hairdo Fabulous , looking Wonderful . Yes , I wanted to also give a shout out to Joy . Thank you for joining us and you're looking perfect and fabulous . Say hello to everyone , girl . Hello everybody . Andrea , so glad you're here .
You know I got much love for you . So happy to see you and your hair looks great too . All the ladies looking fabulous , of course , and Rick Costa Got you baby . How you doing .
What's up .
What's up ? So
¶ The SAG AFTRA Strike is OVER!
welcome . I first want to start with a few announcements that everybody knows I'm really really excited about , and the SAG After Strike is over , yay . So it's a little tentative , although everyone has come out . Fran Dresser just sent , who is the president of SAG After , sent everyone an email . We've been updated on a pretty daily basis from SAG After .
They've been amazing as a negotiating committee but also just keeping us all informed , and it's going to be ratified Hopefully on Friday . It's just so kind of exciting . They really , from what we know , we haven't had the ability to read it yet , but we got what we wanted .
So , for the most part , I'm sure there's a lot of negotiation , but the AI part was a really big one . So , 118 days . Shout out to all the actors that were on the picket lines , also to IOTC , all the other unions , wga . I also want to give a shout out to all the other people who are impacted .
Again , I cannot stress enough this impacted , you know , all the people who work in the crews caterers , makeup artists , people who do hair and costume design , editors . It impacted restaurants , location scouts . This didn't just impact actors , it impacted so many people .
So thank you for everyone who stood with the union and I'm just so excited and everyone's going to get back to work . So , yay , and Rick , you and I can have our show that we want to just talk about Stargate .
Finally .
Movies now and television , and we've been really trying to not I've been trying to not do it . It has slipped a few times with guests or with people , but Rick , let it out , let it out , can't wait , yeah , so I just wanted to give that announcement .
The other thing I wanted to just throw out there I already mentioned Fran Drusher , but I just want to say I know people know her from the nanny , but I am just I love amazing , fabulous people , and who would have thought the actress from the nanny would have become the powerhouse president of SAG AFTRA and then lead us through this ?
I just find that I just love fabulous , amazing people who stick to their guns and do it their way with their style , so I wanted to give a shout out to her . You know , just amazing . Okay , I just want to see how you guys are doing first before we go into our next thing . How are you guys doing , cynthia ? How was your week so far ?
Yeah and you can't see one of us . So glad you could hear us . That was good . I didn't know that Okay it has been given . Do you want to share what happened this week ? That's just , you don't have to .
It's just a stressful week . You know the hospital is crazy and everyone coming in with COVID and flu oh yeah , numbers are going back up . It's been a little crazy at work .
I mean , I mean , is it numbers coming back up to like we might be afraid ? Again or it's just this is going to be the new normal in the fall , or something .
It's going to be the new normal . It's definitely going to be the new normal , but I mean they're not making the mass mandatory right now , so the numbers aren't that crazy , which is good , but I mean it's going to be just like the flu . Every year you're going to have to , you know , just be precocious .
I just went and got another COVID shot . Like I'm kind of , oh , I got the COVID and the flu shot just two days ago . I'm kind of over it , I have to tell you , but I'm going to do it . Yeah , joy , how is your week ? How are you doing anything wonderful , joyous or miserable , like Cynthia ?
No , so good , Just getting ready , packing , getting ready to fly out to East Tennessee again on Saturday . So why are we going to Tennessee ?
We why ?
are we going ?
to .
Tennessee .
Well , I'm going back to East Tennessee to visit my family . Oh , are you there for the holidays ? Or like early and just going for a week this time , and then I will . We'll be back for Thanksgiving here in Memphis and then I'm flying back the first week of December .
Oh , okay , traveling , you're always traveling , by the way . That's what I noticed . Yeah , traveling Queen over here .
Yeah .
Okay , cool , but you had a great week . Great or good week , it was good . It was good . Good car that don't sound like it was good . But okay , we don't know what , that we don't go . Andrea , I already know some of skip you for now . We're going to do it later , because we already I already know that's gonna be a conversation .
It was okay . Work was weird because they're still moving buildings and they still haven't finished . I don't know who's where what building y'all are in and I'm like people call can I talk to ? I don't know where he's at right now . So works been very weird and they haven't even shipped most stuff that should be shipped by now .
But anyway , and there was some backlash from last week that I did not discuss with you because I didn't want you to get upset about it , but I got thrown into the show . Yeah .
I got enough backlash , but I got some good stuff to . I got good backlash .
So the funny thing to me was the funny thing to me was so said person was on another person's broadcasts who used to be mortal enemies , now they're best my besties with their clothes and like mind blown . And then the other one said oh , rick Costa , oh I , he's a fraud . I talked to him , to him on absent . I proved he was a fraud .
I'm like I never even talked to you in my life . What are you talking about ?
Yeah , crazy and I think that's about as much as we gonna give that issue . Yeah , I'm done on the show , but you know what it's like . Here's the good news . I got , first of all , some of the most amazing Compliments . I got so many more people who are following the podcast to like .
Some of my old school friends were like finally , the real Carmen came out .
Sassy Carmen is back .
Somebody was like we like this Carmen better than the polished Carmen . One of my clients who was crying Melanie's like yay , tony's like damn . One of my clients was watching this show . I was cracking up because he talked about it . He was like you know what ? That's how you have to rally the troops here . I want you to swear , but I got .
I Thought it was really good and I think I think one of the things that's really interesting about life is Again and I'm not trying to keep saying this , but when you can actually find the joy in things . You know , and what I realized .
I was speaking to someone today who watched the show , who said one of the things that I loved about watching you is that we're so used to seeing the polished Carmen and not that we want to see that person all the time , but it was nice to see that other side of you , you know , and and I was like I can't believe you saying this to me , you know- that ,
that's , that's the car .
And what with that picture you posted ?
Oh my god . So yeah , I you know what I say always stay away from the negativity , grab on to the positivity and ignore what you can . Had a moment where I wasn't good at ignoring , but you know that was also on my show , so alright , everyone buckle up , andrea I .
Always stay away from the negativity . I was like , okay , fine , everybody , crap week . It's been really hard at some work stuff . It's been happening since last Friday . I'm losing sleep , I got like it's just been rough and I'm trying to take care of Everybody's feelings and expectations , which is not . You know , you can't really discuss what happened or not .
We cannot discuss . I do know Andrea and I went out to dinner last week and we ate and we talked , and so I I do know what happened and I'm just so sorry I'll put it in this terms it's , it's always difficult when you manage a team of people and and you have to keep lifting people up .
It's really hard , especially when your clients upset or whatever , and that's what I'll say . That kind of puts a little button on it . But so I feel for you and I'm just sorry you're still going through it and and yeah , alright , well , we wish you well . Well , hopefully you'll have a little bit of laughter today .
My joy right here if you're not up yourself but you got to make everybody else , that's even harder .
Oh yeah , yeah , that's true .
Well , how do you guys deal with that ? If you are not
¶ How to Deal with People When You're Not Feeling Up to It
feeling great but you have to lift other people up , how do you get yourself there ? That's actually an interesting question .
Fake it till , I make it .
That's fair . Fake it to you , make it Yep .
Cynthia , pretty much the same . You show one side to your team and then you can go to the bathroom and cry your eyes out if you need to .
Oh , andrea um , I mean , yeah , a version of that , for sure , you know you have to Be polished right , put on the face and like , put that out there for everybody . But for me I have to have someone like you or somebody else that I can then go and be like you know you got . You have to have that outlet , you know joy .
How do you deal with it ?
I'm the same way you know , because you just have to compartmentalize it and Move on and focus on your team and not focus on yourself , which is hard , yeah , it's really hard sometimes .
Yeah , I don't know if I do any of that . I Don't know , I don't know what you do .
Well , I mean , I think that's why my client was so funny , because he was just like I want you to swear more , like I'm not gonna swear , but it's really hard for me to hide when I'm disappointed in people , or you know , look at , most of times people call me to fire people or , you know , things are a disaster .
That's when people want to hire me , right , and then I have the maintenance clients that I keep on , but what ends up happening is I never end up firing most people because it's usually Not their fault . It's usually the person who hired me setting up unrealistic , realistic expectations or whatever it is .
And I think one of the things I'm really good at and I don't mean this , to go back to last week's show , I don't have a problem at confrontation and I've learned how to Look it , and this is a stylistic thing . This is not something I recommend to anyone else , because I've been burnt so many times too as I went through this process .
I think we just all have different styles , but when I'm not feeling up or whatever , is probably when I shine most . And , andrea , I was telling you at dinner . I was telling you at dinner the other night , like I think I have been doing Oscar worthy like Performances in front of my clients .
Just I feel like so many times I'm like just acting through it all . So maybe that's how I handle it . But I I don't have a problem telling people exactly what I think is . I guess I Think you all saw a version of that .
But just even in in regular life , and when I'm tired , I tell people I got time for this , I'm tired , let's talk about this tomorrow at four o'clock . That's my opening on my calendar , like and I'm very blunt about it , you know or I'll tell people to stop texting me , like I told one team the other day no more texting me after six .
We're just not , I'm not answering it , you're all on silent . So if there's an emergency called a police , fire department or your boss , you know , to me , no art , don't bother me , I'm not paying that much .
Yeah , slow and deliberate and make sure that whatever I say is what I actually want to say . So I try to really take a beat and Let my emotions calm down so that I can deal with the situation in the way that I actually want to , versus being like super reactive .
I'm super reactive , yeah , super no , but even that work , I just yeah , I don't . It's not that I don't care , I Think there's . I mean , I know what you're saying , you know , yeah , I totally get that , but I all this is , it's just a different style . I think I also really do trust my initial gut and emotional instinct .
You know , I was talking to Ted today , ted Hicks , who we love , whatever and I was asking him how do you deal with ? You know , like , let's be honest , ted Hicks has a pristine image , like on the internet , like everybody loves to , and I was like how do you deal , though , with people or when things erupt , or whatever ? And he was like I don't .
And I was like , yeah , okay , okay . But he's like , no , no , carmen , I I don't Walk away from it , I ignore it , I would ever .
And I was like , see , that's a whole other level of skill I will never have , you know , because I think there's a level of patience there or like I Don't know what it is , but at some point people are gonna piss me off enough and I'm gonna say something . Oh yeah mute and sneeze . That was so good , because then it makes it easier for me .
I was like Andrea I .
Love how you .
I brought up 10 Hicks
¶ Discussion About Skydiving Experience
. I did that for a reason because I thought it'd be an easy way segue . So Ted Hicks wanted me to ask you all , joy you to , even though you weren't there last time . I guess the guys want to do another collab , but they want to do it in December . And I said I didn't hear . My people said they wanted to do it again .
It would be a lot of live on the air .
You can think about it , mull it over and let me know .
I'd be happy to do it . I just got it . You know like December is a rough month , but yeah Well , cynthia joy I .
Will try . I guess it depends on what time .
Well , it would be at six o'clock , it would be at the same time , but it would be on a Friday . So it's gonna be one of the December Fridays . Did I say that right ? A Friday in December . So I'll send you guys an email and I mean I , all of them want to do it , or whatever , and which is kind of cool .
I just didn't even think about it because I thought we're gonna do it Maybe quarterly . But he has a idea , a theme , what he wants to ask questions about . I'm like , okay , cool .
Is he gonna host ?
this time . I think I mean he hosted last time I didn't host . Well , I mean like on his . So the reason why we weren't using his is because he can't have the comments on oh I , it's because they don't have , so he has to be reading them and then putting them up one by one .
Yeah , you know what I mean and , and I don't know , it just seems like a lot of work if all of us are on there and yeah , no , do you want to be on ? Oh , he invited you on his show , so you're all game if it fits in your schedule .
Yeah , I'm not feeling a lot of enthusiasm , I guess because you're being recorded , so we'll talk about it later and I'll take the blame for saying no , it's okay , you All right .
So I sent you guys all a little list and I wanted to ask you all what is something extraordinary that you've done that you may or may not do again , and I went skydiving back in 2005 . It's a great video , it's hilarious . It was cut down to one minute , but I found the 15 minute one .
I'm not going to make you all watch it , but I'm going to redo it because the music on it , which is really cool , it's Eminem and it's YouTube . Every time I try to post it it gets taken down because it's not licensed . But the skydiving place did it .
So I found the actual original video and I'm going to try with all my new editing skills to redo it with some different music so that I can show it , because I think it's kind of cool . But I love that video , not just because it's me skydiving , but I'm talking to the camera guy . You would think that I was talking to him .
He can't hear me , but I'm talking to him . You're like get this light , I'm having a full on conversation with nobody , because Mario can't hear me and Nathan is the camera guy , clearly can't hear me , but it looks like I'm having this whole conversation .
It's just kind of cool and anyways , but I would do that again in a heartbeat and so it got me thinking about that and I just wanted to know if there's anything extraordinary that you guys want to do , haven't done , already did and never want to do again . Andrea .
Well , mine is also skydiving , so I don't know if that's cheating .
That's not cheating . Did you go skydiving and I didn't know ?
Yeah , so I'm reluctant to bring this up , but so I was skydiving on my 30th birthday and like there was a whole group of people and I don't know why is like , why weren't you ?
there . I'm so sorry yeah .
Wait , what age was this ?
My 30th birthday .
Okay , so I think we're getting to a point right .
This is why you're reluctant because you got upset about the surprise party that you were somehow not invited I know that you were not invited to this , but I have no way to prove that .
That's such a bullshittery . I had a surprise party for me . I didn't know about it . Now you're mad at me for not inviting you .
Okay , you want to go back here ?
Because you just think you went skydiving , which I never knew that you went skydiving and you've been lying to me all these years . You want to talk about how you didn't invite me to the skydiving party .
I feel like I would have invited you All , right , okay , I don't actually remember . Here's like it was a group of people , so it was my boyfriend at the time who which was who do . I know .
Yeah .
You know didn't like him and my mom went your mom went to .
I love .
Your mom was skydiving .
Yeah , yeah .
Yeah , and then a couple of friends , but I honestly don't remember who .
Well , I can't believe your mom went and you didn't invite me .
So we went to this place . I know I invited you . I was in San Diego where you could see the water , which was really nice . And we get there and everyone's you know you have to sign the waivers and everything . You're not really thinking . You're trying not to think about it , Right ?
You're like , oh okay , Like we could literally all die and I was like this could be the actual worst day of my life . I was in love with her . I could die in front of me , or my boyfriend , who I love , or one of my friends . Like this was a horrible idea , but not Carmen , because she wasn't there but . I didn't like love it .
You know what I mean Like . So I just feel like I'm I'm good , I don't need to do that .
Oh , you don't need to do it again .
Oh no .
Did you video tape it ?
Yeah , there's a video . Oh my God , I've never seen the video .
Wow , I've never seen it . I've never seen it .
I've never seen it , I've never seen it .
I've never seen it . I've never seen it . I've never seen it . I've never seen it , I've never seen it .
You've been , you've been hiding it because this is a fight We'll have offscreen , that's okay .
¶ Discussion on Skydiving, Laughing, and Parasailing
I think Andrea was saving your life subconsciously . That's what I choose my life I've already gone skydiving . Yeah , she didn't want to risk you again . Your skydiving In 2005, . That was after my .
Yeah , that was way after her .
Not way .
I was like oh , I'm like 25 years .
That was like me , sorry .
I can't stop laughing . Okay , we're going to talk later . I feel like there's more to talk about that and I feel like we're even , because I I can't believe you're laughing . I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry , I'm sorry .
I can't believe your mother didn't invite me . That's the weird you . That's why . I believe you were invited , but anyway , we can oh wow , we know what or that I wasn't invited .
Oh my God , I got it . Yeah , I'm . I'm going to pull a 10 X and I'm going to just ignore .
Ignore .
I'm pulling a 10 X . Okay , joy , what about you ?
You know , the weird thing is I don't know if I'm really done anything extraordinary . I would like to go parasailing again .
You don't think that's extraordinary parasailing ? I don't know . Oh my God , don't keep her head just like that , but it really was a lot of fun , though it really was . Is this because you're so bougie ?
It's kind of one of the regular basis Parasailing , parasailing , parasailing , parasailing , parasailing .
Parasailing .
Parasailing , parasailing , parasailing , pararasailing .
Can you come over ? Well , the funny thing , you know , we're talking about skydiving . And I was laying in my hospital bed right after I had a blood clot in my lung and the doctor walks in . The very first thing he says to me is no skydiving for you . My mom was like Thank you , jesus . And then he's like Uh , it's Like he's planning to going to .
Oh , you were gonna go , I was planning it yep . I think power sailing was scarier than skydiving . I've never been power sailing , but I would think that's scarier To me . It would be .
It's like , once you get up in the air , it's like so peaceful because it's just silent , you know , and I mean you can see the ocean . I was on the ocean and you could just it was just , it was beautiful , it really was beautiful .
When you're really up high and it feels like you're going slowly and how long were you up there ? Probably about 10 minutes . Yeah , no , that's too long . No , no , no , no , no .
That's where you're like , attached to the boat , right With a parachute , yeah , yeah , no , that always looked fun to me . But then you see the video where they get detached and then they like float off somewhere .
Yeah , no , I can't think about that , that's hand gliding right .
I mean , there's a difference between power sailing and hand gliding . I would never go hand gliding , for sure .
Now see , when I was in San Francisco I was actually going to try to get with one of my friend , chris , for a city . He knew somebody that was doing the hand gliding but the timing just didn't work out for us .
But I was actually going to go hand gliding . No , that I wouldn't do Wow okay , you're an adventurous , yeah , I was yeah , here . I thought I was all cool being the only one who wins skydive . Clearly not , yeah , and clearly I'm not the only bougie person in the room . So , okay , cynthia , and I just want to give a shout out to people .
If you still don't know who Cynthia can't see . Blah , blah , blah , okay , has anything changed , cynthia ? Nope , okay , well , whatever , yeah , what about you ? What about you ?
I don't think I've done anything extraordinary , but I do want to swim with dolphins . Oh , me too .
I do want to do that . Yeah , that does nothing for me , but yeah .
I love dolphins .
I'm sorry , joy , go ahead , sorry , go ahead , joy .
I'm going to try to do that next year , yeah .
Cynthia , what are you planning to do it ? No idea . Do you like swimming in the ocean ?
No , so do I ? No , but it wouldn't be in the ocean , it would be like in a tank , like you know how , like they have like in Vegas , how they have like a whole dolphin show . You can actually swim with them in the tank In Vegas .
Okay , wow , you just ruined the thought . I would think you were doing it in the ocean .
No , not the ocean .
No , they don't have the trained dolphins in the ocean . You can't just jump in and swim with them , right ? They won't come near you , I would imagine .
Actually they can . Yeah , they can .
Yeah , I'd be too scared of sharks coming to try to eat them and eat me . I don't know .
Okay , I'll tell you . When I used to go kayaking in the mornings in Malibu , we would all go kayaking at like six in the morning . It would be so cool to see the dolphins , you know what I mean , and it'd be . I was surrounded by a lot of triathletes and I was like scared out of my mind because I respect and love the beach .
Everyone knows I live by the beach and I do . But being in the water is you're never gonna see me wanna do that . So that was a lot for me . But we would see the dolphins you know what I mean In the morning with the surfers , which is pretty cool , like when they're like alongside them or whatever .
But yeah , and they're like jumping over the waves . I've seen that .
Yeah , they're just so beautiful and elegant . But of course I was like that looked like a shark , that didn't look like no dolphin and they'd be like oh my God , Carmen , I'm like it just looks like a shark , Like I see the fian , Isn't the fian like it should ? I'd be like Carmen , Like you can't take the city out of the girl , right ?
No matter where you go . You only be so .
What is it ? I wanna watch them . Cynthia , what is it Like ? Why do you wanna swim with the dolphins ? What is it about ?
Oh , I love dolphins I've always loved dolphins . I just think they're so pretty and so smart and just I love them .
Yeah , the ones in Vegas in a pool . Okay , maybe SeaWorld . How about that ?
I don't know .
We thought it was a red blue . Yeah , I would prefer that . I'm like I'm the biggest one . Carmen's okay in your SeaWorld trip , but not your biggest SeaWorld trip because they're probably at least trying to help the dolphins , but do they even have dolphins in Vegas anymore .
I don't think they do . No , they don't . Kate . We've had everything in Vegas . Carmen , oh yeah .
The only thing I wanna see in Vegas is you two in the sphere , or whatever it's called . That's all I wanna see , but I'm waiting for those tickets from someone who might be watching the show . No , it's not . Hello , hello . Okay , rick , what about you Swimming with sharks ? Maybe ?
I also actually like dolphins a lot because they're so flipping , smart , but controlled environment . I ain't going in the middle of the ocean with no dolphins .
No , thank you , no , thank you .
No , sorry , no , ma'am , no , no , no , yeah , water and me ? No , thank you . No , unless it's in the shower , no , which is another reason why I'd amuse me . Parks , if they have a water park . No , I just know , even though that's controlled . But still , me getting suddenly wet anybody that knows me just ticks me off , ruins my day , really makes me mad .
Don't make me go out in the storm and rain . I will be so pissed . Don't let gang suddenly wet . I'll do rollercoasters , I'll do anything upside down , flip me up anywhere you want to , but don't put me out of water ride . No , sir .
Oh my gosh , the wicked witch on Wizard of Oz . You're like yeah .
Exactly , Exactly , but the last time they had I forgot what it's called , but it's like a pool but they have these huge waves that they make in the pool , of the wave pool , yeah . And actually went into that and they were like Rick , I can't believe you're in here and I'm like I know .
I'm like I tried something . I'm actually scared of that . I don't go up to my waist in the wave pool .
Yeah , I went to the wave pool .
I don't know what that is .
So it's this really big pool area and every so often there's a wave that starts at the end and it starts off huge and everybody always wants to go and just jump the waves and it's yeah , it's a kind of dangerous .
The main impact would wave in a pool . Yes , yeah .
But it's like huge , so you're like bobbing up and down as the water . Yeah .
But it's in a pool .
It's huge , right yeah .
Not the ocean .
None of that .
It's like to give you the feeling of being at the beach without the sand . Yeah , yeah .
Hand gliding . I would try that , nope .
I would try that . Too long , too slow .
See , that's funny . Our things are in the air and the sea , or the water , I guess , maybe not the sea .
Yeah , and Jared , would you do the swimming with dolphins Hell ?
no , I don't like fish . I don't even want to go to the sea .
They're not fish , they're mammals .
Whatever . I don't like fish , I will swim in the ocean . I don't mind that , but I won't go too far out , but I don't want to be touching water .
Do you cook fish ? I've never known you cook fish . No I love that about you .
I will eat it at a restaurant some , not all , but I don't want the smell of it in my house and I just think it's , I don't know , they creep me out .
Melanie said I'd rather do a water ride than a roller coaster .
She's opposite , she's opposite .
You guys don't want to be upset .
I love a roller coaster .
Roller coaster or water ride Joy .
Oh god those .
You're just one here , I love roller coasters , love them .
You know what I was going to say . The ones where you have the harness that comes over your head and , like those , make me claustrophobic . And you know , most of them are that now , like I'm used to the old rickety ones where we were all going to fall out Remember we were going to have to do a little tiny bar .
Just a bar and that's it 80s kids .
we really did not . We were not very well protected .
And yet we survived .
And yet we survived . We didn't have to eat else . Remember that .
Oh yeah .
OK , wait , Do you remember ? Ok , I don't know about you guys , but when I was growing up , you'd walk into somebody's house and everybody was smoking . They'd talk to you and they'd be like smoke in your face . Now , if somebody's smoking a mile from it and I do this all the time because I'm ex-smoker I'm like , oh , I'm going to get cancer .
It's horrible , You're leaving me 80s kids . We didn't really . We really had it different . Oh yeah , You're a feral . What did you say ? I said we were feral . I don't know what feral means .
What does that mean ? Like a wild cat , you know what I mean . They say a feral cat . You're just out on your own trying to survive .
But you know what , I don't ever remember seeing it that way , but when you look back you realize you really were yeah Well , you don't see it that way , because that's just your life .
When you look back and you're like , oh , what was the reason you never know writing our bikes until midnight , I don't know .
We used to play . This is how I knew we were out late at night . We used to play something called flashlight tag , which means it had to be dark out . We all had flashlights and it'd be the same thing .
But then you would have to go find people , You'd have to put the beam of light on them and then they'd be it and everybody would be on rooftops under cars . We'd be climbing trees and I'm like , oh my god , if any of the kids in my life would do that now , I'd be like , are you crazy ? But it would be 9 , 10 o'clock at night .
Anthony just said every 80s kid either stood up in the front of their mother and father's car or rode jammed pack in the back of the station wagon .
The station wagon , yes , the station wagon Head of the truck right .
Dangle in my feet at the back of the car . Head of the truck .
Oh , come on Right on the pickup truck , what other crazy 80s things do you remember that you would especially the parents in the room and the God grandparents I think that's all of you except me right that we do that you wouldn't let your kids do or your nieces and nephews do .
What was that thing that spun around ? And you just held on to it for dear life . And they spin like crazy , like the playground .
I don't think they would fly those anymore .
They don't fly ?
I wouldn't fly today .
Well , I'm shocked that they have those cushion things at the playgrounds . You know , when you walk on the floor of a playground , it's like a gymnastics floor , it's all cushion .
Yeah , you like bounce .
I'm like what the hell is this ? And then , like the bottom was like it's so that the kids don't hurt themselves .
I'm like and now they don't want metal slides , they want plastic . So you don't burn your butt , I guess , or whatever .
Ooh I used to have them skin burns when you wore the cords , but isn't that ? How Look ? I'm not saying kids should be hurt , but isn't that part of learning ?
Yes , well , I've talked about this a million times with you , carmen just like the inability of kids today are not able to make decisions for themselves .
They have like almost zero independence , and I actually read this whole study about how that could be , in addition to certain other things happening nowadays , part of what leads to like these skyrocketing depression and things like that , and just the ways people think about kids now , how they're , the way they are in the workplace , like they just we were out making
decisions for ourselves what we wanted to eat , when we wanted to eat , who we wanted to hang out with , when we wanted to leave , what we wanted to play . I mean , we were making all of those decisions for ourselves at a very young age and kids now do not even have an opportunity to do something like that .
But the difference is , I think back then , even though we made all those decisions , we still had respect for our elders . These kids nowadays can't make a decision and have no respect for their elders .
Exactly . Go ahead , joy , explain no , you're right . You're right , I mean , granted , I'll have in the number one , most crime written area in America . We got that title and you see it every day in Memphis about there's no respect .
None .
Wow . No respect for themselves , no respect for the elderly , nothing .
Yeah , the whole elderly thing is weird to me . Let me just answer something Melanie just wrote . Melanie said we would play flashlight tag in a fenced-in yard . We didn't have a yard , but I hear you , I got you and yeah , it was a merry-go-round at the playground . That's exactly what it was , Melanie . I think that's what it was called .
The world was our yard .
Her yard was a football block .
I'm shocked by the lack of respect for the elders , but I will admit that I made a mistake with one of my clients . So one of my clients is originally from Texas .
I handle a lot of properties that they own in Texas or whatever , and one of the things that's really great about her is that the way she raises her kids is they have to say yes , ma'am , no ma'am , and it's really refreshing . I'll just be honest , it's weird .
When I first met them and I walked into the house and they call me Ms Carmen and they say yes , ma'am , no ma'am or whatever . And the first time one of the kids said it to me I said oh , you don't have to say ma'am . And my client came running over no , he does .
It was really interesting because here I was kind of poo-pooing the whole ma'am the ma'am thing because I feel old if somebody says that .
And then what my client told me was like I'm from down south , my kids will always be respectful , they will always say that , and it's so refreshing and now I realize that's actually an honor , like I love what they call me Ms Carmen and I get it . I think there's also something to it that I'm not saying that kids are at fault for not respecting .
I think their parents are not teaching them that . But we also kind of push away this thing about becoming elders right , like this is weird thing , like we all have to be cool and hip I'm doing air quotes , hip or whatever and not fall into that category .
So I feel bad , cause I think this generation doesn't get to make those decisions because again , not a parent , but I'm gonna throw this out there they're sheltered from day one . You don't let them go outside and play . You create play dates . You don't let them take chances . Or I had someone the other day on TikTok make a comment about what do you mean ?
You used to drink out of the hose . I'm like what are you confused by ? You would get in the middle of it . Somebody had a hose and you'd be thirsty , you'd drink some water . They were like oh no , I would never , I would never .
We were thirsty , we drank out of the hose , somebody's you know garden or whatever , and I say that loosely in the streets of Boston , but you know what I mean . I'm not blaming parents . I think it's just the world we live in and that's why I think kids gravitate towards the internet so much , cause that's kind of their playground .
And it leads me to the next question I had , which I told you all . I wrote a blog post this past week . I don't know if y'all had a chance to read it , but I should probably tell people . So I have two websites all about the joys . One website which is just kind of our clips and is more of a place where I just kind of put stuff that's happening .
But for over 20 years I've had my own website , which is carmenlesetcom or carmenswarscom , and every week I post a blog . That's probably a little bit , as I was called , spicier , spicier and then what you hear here . But one of the things I talked about in that blog post was I
¶ What is the Disconnect Between Gen Z, Millennials and Gen X When it Comes to the Internet and How We Use It
wonder if the disconnect between my generation which I think is everyone in this room Gen X and maybe millennials and Gen Z , is this different idea of how we use the internet Like to me . In the blog post I wrote , the internet is just a tool . It's not my everyday life . I can live without the internet . It is just something I use to do things .
It's kind of like to me , no different than a microwave or a television set . It's just another thing in the toolbox that I own . But my question was is it possible that millennials and Gen Z that other generations the internet is there every day . It's them walking outside . It's like us walking outside , growing up and hanging out For them .
This is their reality and maybe that's where the disconnect is . I'm just asking .
Like little kids can't even fathom that there didn't used to be an internet Like what you had . No internet Like it's barbaric or something .
Yeah , not even little kids . I mean people in their 20s may have no experience of life without the internet or even social media really in their memory .
So I think that makes a lot of sense that they're just made out of it and they're gonna allow that social skill of actually meeting someone talking to them . Everything is just on the computer , on their phones .
Joy , what do you think about it ?
No , I agree , because there's no personal skills , there's no true interaction and for a lot of times , when there's interaction between young kids , it's either bullying , it's either cyber stalking it's crazy , and I'm talking about like fifth and sixth grade kids . Yeah , and it's sad .
It really is sad , because when you see a lot of kids and not all kids are like this please not trying to label all kids as like but in even like 20 somethings , they don't know how to interact with people . Yeah , you know , they just don't and it's sad .
Well , I think that had a lot to do with . I'm just gonna shout out and say that Melanie said that she used to drink from the sink as well as the hose . What do you mean ? The sink ? Oh , we would just drink water from the sink .
Yeah , because today people are like ew .
Oh yeah , that's right . I didn't think about that . That's right .
Nobody drinks from the sink . Well , nobody drinks , they're sink water maybe it's a toilet water . You know what I'm talking about .
It's not the water . Right here . I was thinking that maybe , you know , I think that might be a lot of the disconnect between my understanding like people are having full on relationships , romantic relationship , they have best friends they've never met , I you know , up until I started thinking about it , especially from what happened last week on the show .
That's why I started thinking about this and I was just completely thrown by this concept that I'm best friends with somebody or that I'm supposed to be something with somebody , with people I've never even met or had any type of relationship with .
And and Andrea , you and I had dinner and we were that's kind of where , this kind of square drug having this conversation with you , and I wonder if it's even fair Like it's probably not fair to tell people go meet people in person Cause they , for them , that's their world , their world is actually getting up every day and getting online and that's them going
outside . Does that make sense ? That's how .
I'm saying it , yeah , yeah , that's not the world they grew up in , right , even what I was talking about , like they didn't grow up in a world where you go outside to play with the neighborhood kids and you know we can look at all of the different reasons . That almost doesn't matter at this point , cause that's just not what happened , mm-hmm Right .
So but does that make us our situation better and there's worse , like are we losing something with everything they've gained ?
I mean , maybe , maybe not . Right Time will tell , I suppose . But like it's just different , you know they have skills we don't have .
Exactly . Well , that's the big one . And let me just read what Anthony just wrote . He said is that US ?
or us , us the net savvy and tech nerds . All right , keep going . Have it attributed to the way kids are ? When I was a kid , this was new and it was like revenge of the nerds or war games . We've made it the normal , making it a double-edged sword . Yeah , oh , good point , it's a really good point .
Great movie war games by the way I could watch that not that long ago .
Yeah that's a great movie , since we can talk about movies . Yeah , I think I'm excited .
I heard somebody say like if you want to punish your kid , don't say go to your room , just turn off your router .
Yeah , yeah turn off your router .
I think there's something to this idea . And then you know , look it , I'm always open to changing and look it . I'm not just talking about kids , we're talking about 30-year-olds . So let's be very clear , we're talking about millennials here . That's what I'm .
I think kids I'm just going to be straight up Gen Z kids like my goddaughter , juliana , are actually in a lot of ways and Andrea , you can tell me , isabella is the same way , but kind of just , there's a lot of rejection of technology and there's a lot of embracing of what they think the 80s were like right , like they all have turntables .
They all think we lived in like friends , like in big apartments in New York and we all hung out at the car .
Now , in a lot of ways , she's not wrong , you know what I mean but I see a lot of rejection to like she won't wear labels and , rick , you and I were talking about this at one show Like we were all about , like Nike Jordash , to the point , and so I really want to be clear .
I feel like there's a and it's not all people like Joy , how you said , it's not everyone , but I'm talking about older people who are in the 30s and 40s who are really kind of , maybe in that mesh of being involved with the internet in such a way that I actually do think is unhealthy , right . And yet I see what the brilliance of .
I would have never met Joy or Rick or Ted Hicks or Melanie or Anthony Davis if it wasn't for the internet , right , like . And when I say meet , I mean having these conversations and just having the ability to connect with people in other countries . And you know , I mean I have so many quote unquote friends .
I think about Nazim , who I saw on Facebook today , and you know so they're a great benefit , but I wonder if there's more harm being done because of the lack of ability to have an interaction in person . Maybe I'm wrong .
I mean , that's what we're designed for , right Like humans want that interaction . It's a very natural , animalistic thing .
I mean , I really believe that , and so yeah , but is that different if you do it online versus in person ?
Yeah , I do think it is . So I do think something lost , you know .
I'm going to argue with you . I'm going to say what does it matter if it's in person or not , like I just ? I mean .
I really can't say like put my finger on it , but like you and I can have our phone . You know , I'll just use us as an example . Right , we can meet here online and we can have our phone calls , but there's something different about , I would say , the way both of us feel when we have a chance to get actually together in person .
you know , Right , but we met before the interwebs was a thing , right ? Well , I can't ?
I mean , if that's the criteria , then I can speak to it , because I don't know what it's like to be here , right ? No , no , no .
But that's kind of my point right ? My point is someone who's grown up with having the internet as their way of having interactions on a regular basis . Does that make their relationship less real ? Because they're never gonna meet another .
I'm not in their mind , I wouldn't think , but , as you were saying in my mind , maybe it does right . Maybe I'm judging , I have never met Rick .
I've never met Joy . Does that mean that my relationship is less important or less of substance because I haven't met them in person ? Is the question . It's something I'm grappling with . I think , it depends on each person . So you're saying Joy is the better person , so that's a good relationship , but Rick sucks . So yeah , yeah .
I'm just kidding , In my Facebook memories today there's this woman that she was kind of big on the Periscope days and all that stuff too , Very motivational type personality and everybody loved her , whatever . And so we talked , we liked each other , whatever . And then she goes . You know what ?
I'm gonna be in Massachusetts , but I'm gonna be in Connecticut to airport because I'm going to Bradley . She goes . You wanted me . I was like heck , yeah , let's go , let's meet . And so we did and I have pictures and everything . We met up but like nothing changed . Like just because I met her in person , it's still nothing changed .
We're still like each other , the same , equally . Nothing really changed just because I met her in person . I'm just , that's the case with Rick anyway .
So you would say , based on that example possibly , that whether it's in person or meeting online , it's the same thing .
It can be .
Melanie says every generation has things that the previous generation didn't have . Who wants to live in pre-industrial revolutionary days ? This is what I'm talking about , melanie keeping that bar up , girl . That's incredible . It's a great point . It's a great point .
And something that would be interesting to talk about maybe too one day is how much would our lives , each of us , be upended and thrown upside down if suddenly something happened in the world and there was no internet ?
I said I think about that all the time In a bad way .
I think that would be a great thing .
I do too , but it would be a rough couple of weeks .
For the kids especially .
My kids would be trust Parents of kids . Michael just said I believe you can have a connection with someone on the net . Love frequencies can be felt from great distances . That's fair enough . I look at . I'm gonna start wrapping this up because I did talk to Ted and his show is gonna .
He's like I said we'll get off so he can have a show at 7.15 or whatever . But here's the thing . I'm a little old school . I really believe there is something different to meeting someone in person . I am gonna try to be more open to the idea that some people for me it's also the romantic relationship thing that's killing me .
Maybe that's a more detailed conversation to have Can you have a romantic relationship with someone who you've never met ? And that's kind of like that . Some people believe that they can . I guess so , but that's the one that's harder for me . Do I think Joy and Rick would still be good friends if I met them in person ?
Of course I don't think that would not be , because I feel like I'm getting to know that . But could I meet someone online Like to me ? Okay , this is what I said today to somebody I was talking on the phone . I said I have always been in love with , let's say , indiana Jones . Right , because that's you and everybody knows I .
Indiana Jones , that's my man , right there , that's my man . You know what I mean . The actor is 80 something years old today . You know what I mean . Like , the reality of who he is is not the character he portrays to be . Do you see what I'm saying ?
Like to me when I think of me and to show catfish . Exactly , show catfish .
Oh , so catfish is basically people who have met other people online and they so-called have fallen in love with them , and the other person on the other line is not who they really are .
Oh yeah , that's a scam . That's a scam . Yeah , Mike said . Many people meet on the net and end up getting met . Yeah , I don't have a problem with that , but they actually meet each other . What we're talking about when you've never met anyone , Michael . I totally hear you , Anthony .
The internet has helped people meet that they would have never met in real life . But if all of this were to be destroyed , it would throw us back into the era of the 1950s and maybe even now , Absolutely . And let me be clear what I'm talking about . I think the internet as a tool to meet new people is brilliant . I'm not against .
I love social media , I love the internet and I love that I've met all these people . But eventually I would think I would meet people in person , especially if I'm in love with them , Right , If I'm having a romance . That's where it gets a little weird for me , and I hope to someday meet . Well , Rick and I are going to Portugal . He said it once .
I'm holding him to it . Look at , he's like what ?
Yeah , it's right on my passport .
Well , look , it's something to think about . I really appreciate it . The last thing I want to talk about we have a few minutes , and this is really to two people , so I'm going to start with Rick and then I'm going to go with Andrea , and then I'm going to go with Joy and then I'm going to go with Cynthia . When is it
¶ When Is It Appropriate to Put Up Christmas Decorations?
appropriate to put up a Christmas tree , if that is your thing ?
OK .
Rick , why don't you start us off baby ?
I mean , it's definitely an individual thing . Everybody's different about it . Some people have an attitude of I can listen to Christmas music all year round , and other people are like , no , it's just during the Christmas season . Me , I feel like wait till we get past Thanksgiving and then go crazy .
Before that I'm like it's a little bit early , but you do you .
Andrea your thoughts .
After Thanksgiving for sure , without a doubt for me , and I would even lean towards maybe like get into December . Really that's interesting Like a beat yeah yeah , like December . Have it be an actual separate holiday OK . I hear you Living , take a beat Christmas . Ok , go ahead , joy .
All right , sorry , and you're pointing perfectly at it . Great job , joanie . There's the answer , no words necessary .
How long is this going ?
to take . Ok , we know , we got to get you back , we got to get you walking .
She's going to show us how Go ahead you got to bring it . I'm still there , right , ok , wait , wait , wait , wait , wait , wait wait , wait , wait , wait wait , wait , wait , wait , because it's too high up .
We're looking at the ceiling a little bit more . Ok , good , now go around the room .
so we can oh that actually looks pretty though OK here's my little one . I'm not finished with yet .
I've got all this . Oh my gosh , you got the garland up . Ok , bring it down again . We can't really see . We're seeing the ceiling . Ok , got it . Wow , girl , when am I present ?
You have Joy Right now . Just take it on . I've got one little one . How ?
many are you going to have by the end of this decorating situation ? I'm not sure .
So cute Is my present there . It's a big . I see you didn't let us see the bottom of the tree because I was going to put the car in my place .
She didn't wrap it yet .
It's not really feeling me and Joy are on the same page .
I thought I went the way I went , ok , but I think Joy has you be . But go ahead , cynthia , why ?
aren't you , cynthia , about to turn her phone around ?
That's OK . You did it good . It's perfect , cynthia .
So usually November 1st , I put up my tree right after Thanksgiving . I didn't do it this time because last weekend I was sick , so it's going to go up this weekend .
Oh goodness , Are you like it's so ?
I'm so itching to put it up .
I mean , I put that question on here because I saw Joy post it on Facebook . I was like this is the . I loved it . I loved it . It was so good . Oh , you're in there , you're into it , you know what . Here's the thing . I was going to tell you guys what my theory is , and I don't think it's a bad thing .
I think the thing about Christmas , whether you are religious or not and I can say pretty easily with Andrea and myself hey , ted , I'm a word , we're jumping off on time the day after Halloween , but it needs to be taken down before that's what Ted just said in the comments .
I think the reason why you know people like Christmas is because of joy , and I don't mean my friend Joy , I mean because it elicits happiness and joy and it's like we crave that so much . But I think it's actually a sad thing .
Right , we have to put up Christmas and I'm not saying we have to , but I think that's what it is and it's getting earlier and earlier every year . So I want to find joy somehow in Halloween or in like fourth of July or something . Well , I'm lucky because I have a friend who was born on the fourth of July , so we can have joy on his birthday .
It's actually Joe Lava who we had on the show his birthday on July 4th . Let me see . Anthony just said we have a rule about the Christmas tree in our house . We put it up between December 10th to December 16th . I think that's normal baby , because my brother's birthday is on December 15th .
To take it down then take it down is always on January 2nd or 3rd . Yeah , having a birthday during that time period makes you have to change the game a bit . Could it be all about the joy and Tony is trying to promote the show , but ?
But so I'm going to close this off a little bit and move us through and move on to making sure we go check out Ted's show . Thank you everyone For stopping . Can I just say no , no , no .
OK , I'm so bummed that I can't see joy . I want to see all her Christmas stuff . You can see it .
Oh man .
Right , you cannot see joy . You still can't see her . All you see is a .
Oh , I bet , when you open Joyce door , a stereo kick sign . All I want , a lot for .
Christmas .
That's your doorbell .
I was good you brought it back . I forgot about that whole thing at the beginning . But , yeah , you haven't been able to enjoy . But you know , until the very end you'll be able to go watch the replay , you'll be able to see her . But her Christmas stuff looks cool but she ain't even because what she she doesn't realize .
We all noticed , right , she , she panned the camera and we can see that she started . She started to put some other stuff up like this , whatever . I saw that she got that place hooked up . So we'll see you again next time , joy , when you have it all full on .
Cynthia frame me on Facebook .
OK .
I will yeah you guys , oh God , yeah , the Christmas buddies Great , but everyone , it was great to have you here . Thank you so much . I'm going to do a couple of shout outs again . Linkedin oh my God , we are like four hundred and eleven people now . I know people don't think that's a big deal , but to me it's huge .
And I don't know what happened the other day , but we got a whole bunch of new followers on the podcast .
Sassam Carmen came out .
But anyway , thank you to everyone and I appreciate everyone's kindness and uplifting spirits about my family on the East Coast . I did go home for an unfortunate passing of one of our sisters , one of our favorite people , who died unexpectedly .
So thank you for everyone who reached out and , yeah , everyone , we'll see you again next week and remember , it's all about the joy . Bye everyone . Thank you , thanks for stopping by . All about the joy . Be better and stay beautiful folks . Have a sweet day .