¶ Catch-Up and Career Discussion
Hi everybody , welcome to All About the Joy Rick , hello , Hello hello Joel Lava is with us , hi , Joel .
Hi , Joel , I have forgotten .
You know what's so funny ? I was trying to figure out how long it's been since we've seen each other . Do you know how long it's been ?
No , it might be like 20 years .
It's like 20 years . I think the last time I saw you was Because I don't know if I saw you over at Bergamot Station . I think it was on Euclid right , correct ? You were never at Bergamot Station . So yeah , we're talking like 20 years . So did you miss me ?
Of course . Well , I've talked to you since then . You've helped me out .
I and let's talk about that I always help you out , right .
The one time I asked you . Yes , you helped me .
Oh my God , I help you on anything you're working on . I've joined any page that you've started on gun control or whatever you're doing , I am always the first one , always .
I appreciate you .
But I've had to beg you for help . Have you realized the relationship ?
You did not beg , you ask and I answer .
You don't answer , but that's okay , let's move on . I'm here , I know , I know , but I told Rick . I said you know , what's so funny is I felt like you kind of invited yourself and I was excited that you did . Yeah , I felt like it was kind of cool because I would have asked you to be here but I didn't think you would do it .
I'll be honest with you .
Why , why would no one want to be on this amazing show ?
Oh , I did not say that We've had plenty of people . That's not what I said . But that was cute . I adore you . No , I don't know , I just thought you wouldn't want to be as short , so I was excited when that topic came up , which we'll talk about later . But I do want to talk about something else first .
And Rick , I'll let you talk at least like for two minutes , because I know I always do this to you . So first I want to say I know that you worked with Dick Buttkiss , right , and he just died .
I know it's so sad . I just texted my friend who is the creative director for that project and we both texted Tear Crying Emojis . He was nice . He was nice . We bonded over watches because I had a bunch of watches I wore pre-pandemic .
And not anymore . You don't wear the watches anymore .
I do so much work from home , I don't need them .
Okay , so you guys bonded over that . But wait so how long ago was it when you worked on that project with him ?
It was like five plus years ago .
It was five or six years ago , yeah .
Yeah , and he was really cool . It was with Kristin Cavallari .
Yeah .
He was gung ho . I mean he'd done a lot of acting so he knew what to do .
Yeah , he was actually pretty good . I mean , I was wondering if you I mean directed him or helped him in any way whatsoever , or if he just walked on stage . You know , was on stage .
We wanted him to like scream like he's doing a really intense pet pocket camera . So I was he . Let me dial him up or down , you know , just like any actor like , because he's acting and stuff . So Kristin Cavallari was nice too .
Yeah , and it seemed like a cool spot . It was for Pinterest or something .
Yeah , nfl Pinterest .
Yeah , so I'm sorry for your loss . I thought that was , and I saw that come through , I was like , oh man , he's going to be in a bad mood , you know . But okay , cool , all right . Well , let's talk about you being a director . I did see , and everyone should go read .
Well , first of all , joelabbacom is your website and all your spots are on there , and I knew you when you were just a little animator , so is that what you did at Brand New School ?
It is . I was still directing stuff on the side and doing well at it , but making money wise . It was more animating .
Okay , so you just did this interview on I forget the name of this Canvas Rebel . They just interviewed hi Melanie , hi Stephen .
Do you know all these people you're saying hi to ?
Yeah , these are actually Rick's people . They come and visit us every week , unlike you , who doesn't watch or listen to my podcasts on a weekly basis .
That's correct .
Unless he's watching a replay . You never know .
I don't listen to anything . Live , it would always be .
Well , I was impressed because you said that'd be a great topic for AATJ .
Because I don't remember what that topic was but I only listen to podcasts at double speed , so but I've listened to Me too , me too .
Okay , well , you could listen to mine on double speed .
I did . I listened to you talking about the boat chair .
Yeah , that was a good one . Yeah , that was a good one . Yeah , I saw your stuff on that too .
I did .
Okay , so I wanted to talk about this interview on Canvas Rebel with you because I thought it was good , but then it left me wanting more information , like I felt like there was . The rest of the interview had progressed .
So first I want to ask you kind of the boring question and this is where I didn't want to interview , because I can't believe you're a Star Wars person . Whatever , we're Star Trek on this show , we're not Star Wars , but no , no , no .
I like Star Wars too , no don't .
I don't think my son has seen a Star Trek , but he's all in on Star Wars .
Yeah Well , but Rick , why are you going side with him ? Is this what you're going to do ?
No , my first love is Star Trek , but I like Star Wars too , though .
Okay , whatever , rick , after this show , you're fired Can you talk a little bit about what's in the article , talk a little bit about how you did Star Trek , and then I want to focus on this thing about mentorship that you kind of talked about in the article .
I mean , I've been making movies since I was a kid , with the Super A and that's just always what I wanted to do . Like seventh grade I did a reenactment of I think it was the Battle of Goliad , because I'm from Texas . Oh , that's cool . We had like a cannon firing , just like the Fablemen's .
I was yeah it sounds like Steven Spielberg . I was just going to say it sounds like Steven .
Spielberg . And then , yeah , film school and I did cable access and in my life plan I was already supposed to be more like David Fincher or exactly like David Fincher at this point , but I am in the DGA , I do direct , I'm also creative director for motion graphics and VFX design branding .
Why didn't you go to animation ?
I was working in Chicago on film crews as a PA in art department and 12 plus hour days and it's just very insular there . It's not like LA , where you can move up quick . It's very much like high school and it moves really slow and I was like I can't do this anymore . I wasn't making enough money and I wasn't being . It was not a track towards anything .
So I quit Cold Turkey and started temping and I taught myself after effects , htmls , illustrator and then just followed them .
Okay . So you come to LA , you start doing animation . You're still doing movies on which , by the way , I had no idea . I don't know why I would think I would know , but I knew all these guys were wanting to be directors and that's why we started .
I mean , I started doing all the applications to be in the DGA at Brand New School when we moved over to Bergamot Station , so I had no idea that you were also on that track , but I guess most of you would have been right Kind of , I guess , yeah .
So I was directing music videos and stuff in Chicago and then I moved out to LA but then went right up to San Francisco to work at ILM and then I came back to LA in 2000 .
And every time , like I said in the article , every time I've taken months off at a time to work on a personal project elevated my next step in my career , getting noticed and stuff . So is this the end ?
goal , or is it feature films or what's in store for you ? Next ? I've been playing the lottery , a lot . Oh , my God .
Rosalie , how are you ?
Oh my God , that is so Wow . I am still happy to see you .
All right , now I can't talk anymore . Oh why ? Because Rosalie and I have known each other a long time , too Longer than you , Rick , who you ?
just met , like you were like thinking longer than me . You've actually known Rick longer than you as well . But we didn't really know each other , joel , we didn't really talk much at Brandy's school , yeah we did .
We got into it , did we fight .
I felt like we fought a lot . Well , that was sort of .
You have a spicy personality so I didn't think of it as fighting . Okay , spicy .
I think there's gonna be some fighting later in this . I'm trying to keep my cool , but oh , go on baby .
This is from my kids for Father's Day . Oh , that's cool , mr La-ba-la-ba .
Oh cool .
Yeah so that's what it was , and I was directing all the way through , all doing everything else , and I was like , oh , what do I want to do ? I was like , yeah , I would still have to do a feature . I'm trying to get into TV episodic directing and yes .
I was really shocked that . I mean I just I totally stalk you . So I look at your Facebook page . I do . I totally stalk some of my people from Brandy's school who I liked a little bit . Joel is on the bottom of that list , but he's at least in the list .
He's on the list , so that's good .
Hi is up here .
Joel is actually why am I so low on ? What's this list that I'm so low on ?
I don't know . I don't remember us having a friendly .
Boy , this interview sure is going in a different direction than I expected . This is a really interview .
I'm just messing with you Because you said See , it's so funny how you forget . You said you're taking a big risk having me on . So I had to think about what that meant .
Well , it's because it was a different topic . By the way you can tell I'm a director because I'm properly framed with my eyes in the upper third .
And I'm not . I'm not Okay . So let's talk a little bit more about the mentor part , because I was intrigued by a couple things in that article . So one of them is you mentioned that you had talked to a mentor and you asked them what you could do better , and they just said keep plugging away .
And so my question is I couldn't figure out in the rest of the article was that a good thing ? I mean , I think you made it a good thing or did you want someone to say you know what ? You should do this this way , do this that way ?
Well , it was both .
¶ Understanding the Role of a Director
First of all , it wasn't a mentor . It was someone who had graduated my school like 10 to 20 years before me , and so I just went there wanting advice and I showed him my director real-time , which wasn't good . I just wanted him to point out , because I look at that reel and I see the glaring weaknesses that you know like , essentially , holes in your reel .
These are holes . These are where you need to keep working . These are where you should keep plugging away , getting better . So plugging away is good , but at the time when you're out of school , it's like I feel more like a fire hose .
So plugging away is you're just flailing without any direction , and so I was mad because he could have actually broken my stuff down and done a crit and he didn't and that . So that still pisses me off , because it was more like getting blown off .
Okay , yeah , okay . That's what I read . I agree with that .
I've worked with a lot of interns and all that , and I don't I . If their stuff isn't good , I give them constructive criticism . You can say here's what's good and here's where it needs to be better and here's the creative brief that we're trying to achieve , and you've kind of gone off . I mean , I don't just go keep plugging away and then walk away .
So Right , Do you have a laptop on your lap ? Yeah , I'm sitting on in my bed and you're sitting in your bed , okay , no , it's just going to kill me for editing . It's okay , though . You're just a director , not an editor .
I'm doing cinema . Verite , let's go .
Yeah , it's going to have like this all so many things , hey , jr .
Oh my God , jr Saldano , what the hell .
How are we ? I know JR .
Wait , how did these people know about this ?
We are live streaming on LinkedIn and on Friend . With Bound . I already told you .
I can't say half the shit I was going to say . If this is on LinkedIn , it's not on .
LinkedIn . I'm just pretending , I told you LinkedIn . Twitch , youtube , facebook .
Oh , I'm sweating . I was going to be saying so much borderline , misogynistic crap that now people who are like these are people who could hire me I have to present like public persona Do you want to play in dress ?
I know , do you want to go get dressed or something ?
Yeah , I wouldn't be doing a freaking Zoom for my son's bedroom .
All right , let's go , let's do this . Let's go , joe . Oh my God , I'm going to let Rick ask his questions and then you can leave . You are so great . Dude I sent you the links to look at this show . Do you like to be friends with the same people you're friends with ?
All right , let's keep going .
I feel so bad . I'm going to knock you out because I feel like you're uncomfortable now . I did see the promos .
The promos I recognized was Shadow Hunters , because I like that show . Oh wow . And Preacher .
Preacher is what I'm called .
Yeah , those two I watched and I was like , oh yeah , that was really good . Yeah , those promos were really good .
I'd shot both of those for the first season , when everyone's really cool , yeah , exactly .
Do you have any other questions , Rick ?
Well , for people that don't really know what does a director do , maybe just try to break it down for a six-year-old .
Oh , yeah , as opposed to like a cinematographer .
Let's see how do I do it .
You want me to explain it in my version , and then you can fix it .
Yeah , that'll be interesting .
Okay .
So , from my point of view as an actor and somebody who watches and works with directors all the time , and this is basically like the CEO of a company they run everything , they are involved in everything , they know everything that's going on and they are able to handle it , or they delegate it to the right people to handle it , but they are in charge of all
of it , as opposed to , say , a cinematographer or director of photography is somebody who only handles cameras and handles those shots and handles their lane , basically . So that's how I see a director . A director has their hands and everything and is in charge of all of it .
The director takes the script and turns it into what you see . Fine , it goes into it . Yeah , the director is in charge . So location scouting , working with the art departments to build sets , props .
He works with wardrobe Obviously , works with actors to help them do what they're doing , talked with the DP , crafts compositions and camera moves and coordinates all the effects .
So if you're shooting passes and things on green screen , you have to have everything planned out and knowing if you're shooting something happening on a green screen you need a light effect or foreground explosion .
You know that has to happen in coordination with what's going on in post and you have to remember where if an actor says something a certain way out of order , you have to make sure they're running with the right umption and intonation so it lines up with when you shoot the other part , stuff like that .
Well , you won't explain that , because people don't realize that films are not filmed in order . You know , like people don't realize that films are done out of order . So I love what you just said , that you also have to say that part again about the intonations and what an actor is doing .
Well , for instance , a movie , film , commercial , anything of it takes place in five locations . You don't shoot , but you bounce around through time and you go from the house to the park and back to the house . You shoot everything at the house all at once .
So you change wardrobe and change lighting for different times a day and to make sure it flows within the story , but you shoot it all each location at the same time .
Right , and then in the editing room you go back and put everything in right . So , you put whatever people you need . It's like a little puzzle .
Yeah , it's for intonations . It's , yeah , like when you're shooting , even at the same location , you shoot a scene from different angles and you have to make sure people their eye lines are right and their reactions match with how it's going to flow . And with TV directing a little bit , in film directing sometimes the director is not even involved in the edit .
You just shoot your stuff and then you're done and it gets handed off .
Oh really , I didn't know that . I guess that makes sense , because you're only there for that episode , right ?
The DGA has , you're required to give the director four days of the first look , first cut , and then after that they can refine it . In reality it's just a formality and as the director gets his cut they throw it in .
Right , okay , that makes sense . I did not realize that , though , but that does make sense .
So I was going to say it's kind of like you oversee everything and make sure what's supposed to happen happens .
In a very simplistic way , I'm trying to but you're obviously supposed to bring your vision and style and everything . So yeah , five directors will direct the same script five different ways . Right .
Yeah , I remember I was seeing the other day somebody . The actor was doing a different project but they needed him and he said I can give you three days . So they had to shoot all the scenes with that actor for those three days but it was not all in sequence so they had to re-sequence it afterward , obviously .
Look at Rick getting all involved in film . I love Megan .
I love it .
I'm trying to understand it all . Yeah . You take the vision from the page to the screen and that's what I said . That's cool Joy . Well , now I feel bad about bringing up hot topics because I don't want to embarrass you now that you notice that so many of our old school friends are seeing it . He's so funny . I love him .
He hasn't changed one , but that's exactly who I begin . Joy just said I wondered why it was not shot in sequence . What was not shot in sequence ?
Like I was saying for the example of the actor that wasn't available , yeah .
So , Joel , I was going to talk to you about other stuff , but now I'm feeling bad .
Oh , let's do it , let's do it . That's why I'm here .
Are you sure ?
Yeah , let's go Okay .
¶ Discussion on Dating and Age Perception
So the reason why this came up was because we were emailing back and forth , whatever . And I said men in their fifties are actually at their prime and hot . And you said I think that would be an interesting conversation for A-H-E-J . So I said , well then , come on the show and talk about it . So do you disagree with that or do you agree ?
That's my first question .
Well , I think you , you're over 40 , right ? Yes , so I guess what I'm saying is people my age , people younger than me , don't think I'm attractive .
Okay , so you're saying attractive and I'm saying hot , so I think those are two different things . Well , so let's get one thing out of the way You've always been attractive , so that's just silly talk . Like I can't . I can't boost your ego today that I can't do . You were born pretty . You already know that . Look at it .
He's like I don't know what to say no like I'm now .
I'm newly single . I dip my toe into the waters and I've discovered the hard way that having a five next to my age just completely took me off the market for everyone who has a four or a three .
Okay , wait , how did you ? Okay ? That's not true . How did you dip your toe into the market ? I guess .
Like on a half .
Yeah , no . Why Dude ? Why ? Why would you do the dating online ?
Because , I'm in a place . I'm in a place where I don't have a lot of time or desire to put out effort there , and if I have to like make it a hobby , like go places where humans are in the meat space , then humans Sure .
Humans Okay .
Okay . So , joel , if you don't have time for a relationship , then you're going to get as much as you put into the effort . I don't know anybody who's in an actual dating situation , myself included , who is doing it on apps .
The way you do it is this way you let all your friends know that you're nearly single and we maybe introduce you or go out to dinner or you know , I actually okay . The first time we started talking recently , like in the past couple of years or whatever it was I asked you you want to meet up for coffee ?
And you were like I'm so busy , I have my kids , and I was like dude , this guy thinks everyone's after him . I'm going to get up with somebody If you're ready , if you're dipping your toe .
That was the truth . I was busy when that happened .
I know . So what I'm saying is is you can't . You can't say , because you dipped your toe into a dating app for five minutes , that now that means everyone who's 30 or 40 or whatever .
No , because I can't even get a response . I'm a ghost , I'm invisible .
So you've been trying it for how long ?
A month or so .
Oh my God , all right , we're done talking to Joel Lavitt . It was really nice .
Hold on , hold on , hold on . I'm not , I'm not looking for a relationship , so that's probably one problem .
That's what we talked about , right ? What did I say ? What did I send you ?
Secondly , what I'm saying is I'm not even getting like like people I don't like all right . When I was in my twenties and I was going on apps or whatnot , it was instantaneous , whatever it is . And now I'm coming in 20 plus years later . Not only I'm just not even . People aren't even talking Like it's like .
My profile doesn't even exist on the app , whereas the last time I did this , it was much 20 years ago .
20 years ago .
Because here's what I found , here's what I've , here's what I remember . Here's the part where I'm no longer going to get any work because this is on LinkedIn . I forgot a lot of . I still have game , but I forgot some things Such as I forgot now . These are just generally speaking , broad strokes .
Women in their twenties all believe they are secretly lineage from royalty and they believe that they're all princesses and should be treated as such .
Okay , I'm going to stop . I'm going to stop sweetie , what are you doing ? What are you doing ? Stop You're . You're so doing this wrong on every level .
¶ Dating Expectations and Self-Love Journey
We do not categorize all women . First of all . Why do you want to date somebody in their twenties ?
I'm not .
I'm not with that problem .
I didn't say I was trying to . I'm saying I'm remembering what it was like .
Okay , let's not categorize all women when we're live , you know . If you want to have a private conversation , it's good , but that's the first mistake .
I thought that's what this podcast was about .
I thought we're keeping it real . All women in their twenties think they're princesses . Go ahead .
No , I said I'm I'm generalizing , and especially on the apps .
Okay , alma just said maybe you're not marketing yourself correctly . That's what I think , alma . Go ahead .
I think , is when you read , when you read profiles on the apps and I'm , the people in their twenties are like you , better come with it , you're going to have to keep up with me . Blah , blah , blah .
And then in the thirties , thirties , they're trying to hold on to their twenties and in their forties they're getting hit on by guys in their twenties , so they don't want to talk to a guy who's their age or older . What was that ?
What was that ? I said ? That's true , that's true , that's true .
I guess you were just telling me how wrong I was , so it's a weird feeling . Well , no , that one .
That one part is true for some reason , as in my experience , as I get older the men are getting younger who are interested , but here's the funny part not interested in the younger guys at all .
Right , the reason why I think men in their fifties are in their prime and kind of hot is because and I say this respectfully to all men , don't , don't come at me , but there .
Are you talking about all men ? You're being so general about .
You said in there in their fifties , or all men in their fifties .
Men in their fifties , it feels like they're and I'm generalizing and I'm saying in my experience , but men in their fifties tend to finally kind of meet , I guess what I would call a maturity and a sexiness that I find fabulous , like they're cool in themselves , they know what they want , like as far as like they want to , they know what their job , career goals
are . You know they're not looking for themselves whatever , and and I actually find that very sexy I think men in their fifties are actually at their prime , you know so that's what I was telling you .
You find maturity to be sexy all the time .
Not , not age wise , I mean Maturity , as far as , like you know , you act like an adult , you have responsibilities , you know what you're doing . I tend to think that the men like when I was in my thirties , I dated a guy in his fifties and it didn't work because we were not connected Generationally and there were other things .
But I found his maturity Very sexy . Women in their 20s on the apps are usually not looking for relationship to you . They want someone who's going to offer them Experiences . Well , that's a good way to put it Alma Experiences you mean , we're looking for a sugar ? daddy . I think she meant more sacks . I don't know if she meant sugar daddy .
I think . I think she's saying women in their 20s want a sugar daddy .
I don't , I'll know . What do you mean exactly ? I thought you meant more like you know someone who's going to offer them experiences , fun , you know joy like just you know they're not looking .
Oh , she's saying oh , she said both that was a good diplomatic answer .
They're looking for someone to offer experiences like hey , let me take you to mama's . Hey , let's go on a ski trip . Hey .
Okay . So you're looking for what ? You're not looking for a relationship . You're just looking to hang out in our sex . You're looking just to hang out I .
I'm look , yeah , but my generalization about the age groups are just that . It's just generalizations . Obviously there's people in their 20s looking to settle down . There's people in their 30s and 20s who are very emotionally mature . I'm just making a broad show .
Okay , are you looking to eventually make sure I married again ? I'm not trying to get you in trouble , are you ?
well , see , that's what . That's what . I will be the last person that Hallmark cards hires to write for them . No , I'm in a place now . I'm in a place now where , yeah , like I'm not putting women down at all , like women are great , I think they should be our president and all that stuff , but what I'm saying is like , yeah , no , I'm , I'm I .
If I never go on a date again , life I'll be okay . So I'm trying to work through that . That's where I'm at right now . I'm speaking of joy . I'm trying to find joy and everyday existence .
I'm trying to get better at loving myself and and if someone enters my life through that but you know , we got to love ourselves before we can live someone else I agree .
That's good , that that's exactly right . So why the apps then ?
I'm trying to . I'm also an Al-Anon and there's something called contrary action and I'm trying to take contrary action .
Okay , I know Al-Anon yeah .
I'm taking contrary action to Make myself do step out of my comfort zone to further betterment of my general well-being .
I Would have never guessed , if we , you and I were having this conversation , that this would be the topic , but it's kind of cool actually companionship and fun would be welcome .
Yeah , I guess one of the reasons I can't really date right now . I mean , there's a ton of reasons , both logistical and emotional . I I just the idea of being judged negatively by a woman . I can't allow it , so I've removed myself from that equation .
I am not . I am not judging you negatively . I just want you to know I'm all positive for you .
¶ Dating in 40s and 50s
But the the topic was dating in the 50s and the fact is , like I'm saying , let's just keep it in the 40s and 50s . What I found in my in my brief foray into the Dating and it is brief , I don't have a lot of data is that , like I said , women in their 40s Are getting hit on by younger guys , as are women in their 50s .
So it's just sort of like the worst of all worlds and , like you said , the apps may not be the way to do it the apps are not way to do this .
They're not . But if you don't have time to hang out , if you don't have time to have cup coffee with people or meet people , I don't , I don't know you're , you're kind of digging yourself in . This is actually more interesting that there's a night football .
I have a date tomorrow during lunch to play a board game with a woman and I might drive up to Northern Ish California to see someone . But that was a okay a little bit .
Is that via apps , or are you just people you know , or apps ?
Okay , so that's good then .
I don't know what you're getting . Yeah , I want to be surprised . I think that's actually fun , that'll be perfect . Yeah , so what I I put on one of my profiles was just basically , I didn't say free mail s , but that's what I put , not for like sex , for anything .
If you need an extra for tennis doubles or to go to an event , just call me and I'll be there , because I just want to have experience without any , without any pressure and expectations .
Okay , I think this is a good thing , so this sounds more positive than how you started .
Well , you know , I , like I said , the connection here is bad . I've got profess potential employers one , and you know I lost . I lost my way .
Okay , okay , no , look at it , it's okay , I won't . I won't put up clips of you and don't worry about it , it's fine .
Carmen , if you , if you were going through a social event and you just didn't want to go stag , you call me , I'm there .
I know okay , good , but .
I what if you're too busy ?
You're too busy I told you .
Here's my thing I have so many friends , right , I have a lot of people who are single , beautiful , smart women , and I'm not saying all of them would be perfect for you , but the minute I knew you were on this road , I told you come in , have have coffee with me , or whatever , because I wanted to ask you this and you were not ready then .
But it sounds like you're ready now and so we'll talk .
I wouldn't , I , I wouldn't do that to you .
I don't think I'm in the state of mind to me . Have me look you up with your body . Have you hook ? Hook you up with one of my friends ?
Yeah , like . Yeah , we can talk about that separately .
The first God , maybe you're right . Okay , never mind .
The person . I believe the people will look like their pictures .
Yet Well , a lot of times , though , they will use a picture of them , but like from 15 , 20 years ago , which is not exactly there .
But well , I'll tell you this . The app I'm using is called stir . It's for single parents . Never heard of it , so those pictures are shockingly . I'll just say this they are not flattering pictures . I it's almost like stir said put your leaf flattering pictures up of yourself .
I don't understand it , but so you've been surprised when you've actually met people .
I've only met one person in person .
Did they look like their picture or were you pleasantly surprised ? Yes , do you meet them online first . Yeah , did you meet them online first ?
Yeah , through the app .
Yeah , yeah , I , okay , I I've told many people this in the past I met Robert . We were on Yahoo Personals back when it was really taboo and nobody was using it , you know what I mean and nobody was talking about it . And you know we talked for like six months . I would not visit him in Las Vegas .
And you know , one thing led to another and you know we're still friends now . But I think the whole app thing just has to be one part of your strategy .
You know , if , if you're really interested in meeting a lot of people and trying to find somebody , or you want to have sex or Whatever it is , you know I mean that there's a whole thing you got to kind of get into doing , but it's not the only tool available . I think doing things like this meeting people on online chats too is a good one .
Look at ass .
I'm a back-up big girl .
By the way . I think you're actually single too right , I think so I should have all put that out there .
That's hilarious , you know I think .
Initially , though , you were saying on the apps if you have 50 in your age , then you don't exist . They just pass you by . Yes , well , then it's a dash , you don't want them anyway .
No way . I was just gonna say like I don't know why you would want somebody . Who I mean ? If somebody is looking at you and they're not interested in you and it's and you really think it's because of their age , why would you want that person around you ?
anyways , that doesn't you know what I ?
mean Like I'd be like dodge the bullet .
Let me let me be more precise . The other app on the on the app stir Other single parents . I am getting responses . Okay the other app called field , which is more like Tinder .
I don't exist and that bothers you . Why is that ? A ego thing , for you know .
I the part of it is because the last time I did this I was the cat's meow . Now I'm an invisible old ghost and I don't like that .
That's an ego thing and well , you know what , not every app is gonna be the right app for you , and maybe the one you're doing Right . And I'm starting to think .
Field very likely is not the right app , and I did not say I was looking for relationships , so if that person's not someone I want to have a relationship with , that's not necessarily a factor .
On which one ? The Tinder-like one .
Yeah , by the way , I was having lunch with someone today and he got a call from his wife saying that she just found out not only does their son have COVID , but now she has it . And I was like , oh , do I walk away ? But he's already breathed on me . I didn't know what to do , so I just continued having lunch .
I'm sorry I laughed , but you'll be okay .
Oh , do you know what I just remembered , I got an appointment , I got to go . Bye , good to see
¶ Navigating Dating and Personal Growth
you .
You're vaccinated ? Yeah , joel , you were always , and I don't care , I'm gonna embarrass you . You remind me so much of Alden . It kind of annoys me . Alden's like my brother from another mother , but he's , you know , born pretty awesome guy . Blah , blah , blah , whatever . So , yeah , things change as we get older .
It doesn't mean you're any less hot , it's just using the wrong app . You know what I mean . Like there's , you just said the other app to doing . Well , you know , but that's an ego thing for you Got to get over that .
I think it's been a hard year because the professionally , the work dried up for the first time in my life , I felt ageism for the first time in my life and I've worked wise and I felt ageism for the first time in my , in the in the being attractive zone , and also finalized my divorce .
So a lot happens here to make me start this podcast with you not on the best foot .
Okay , that's fair and look at it . I think that's actually a really honest answer and that actually makes more sense to me and I kind of knew that . I kind of got that from you easily , you know , and I also still don't remember us having such deep conversations .
So you know I do how much time since the divorce was finalized . How much time has passed , may ? Oh , so it's not even a year .
It's new . Yeah , carmen , we would talk about serious shit .
I don't remember that . Are you sure to me or some other black ?
That's why you liked me , because I would actually talk to you about things that weren't about 20 year old . Fuck boy shit .
Okay , wait , you got to explain . I'll have to explain a little bit . What are you ? Are you talking about when we're at brand new school ?
That's the only time we talked .
I know . I know I'm sorry , I know we went to that diner and had lunch .
We got into a deep conversation about lighting black people .
Okay , you're going to have to explain that , because I have no idea what you just said . What oh lighting ?
Lighting on the back On a film set . Somebody darker skinned lighting yeah .
Oh my God , I was like what are you talking about ? Yeah , that I actually do remember having that conversation . Okay , I'll tell you why I liked you . I'm being very serious .
I mean , you were also a much shorter I'm not fishing for you to say this , by the way .
I know you're not . I'm saying it because I want you . You were also a mature person . You weren't high maintenance , and that's what I liked about you . You were easy . You know , you were just .
you came in , did your work , you got paid . No , because in the land of the blind , the one-eyed man is king . Where we worked was with a bunch of extremely immature people it was very much pre-me too I won't say his name sitting in the back where a bunch of work . One of the was just paging through a magazine and there's what he's like paging .
I'm reenacting him and he went dude , this chick is hot . I'm going to go take a shit now . So that was the workplace you were at yeah , I looked good in Paris .
Yeah , good job .
You were also . I mean , I also . I mean , it was also a bunch of boys , it was all men , you know . And so there was also that part of it , too , where I was always acting like the mom , even though that's not what I intended to do , but there was a lot of caretaking that had to . You know what I mean .
Like there was a lot of people always needing help with something . So , Daniel , a matter of high versus low maintenance , right yeah ?
It was a company with a bunch of cocky , wealthy young 20-somethings without an HR department .
Yeah , joel Irons , sharpen's Iron what I don't know what that means .
I know what that is it's a Bible verse actually .
It's a biblical thing .
No , that's game of thrills , just kidding . The game of thrills .
Well , I was the HR , I was everything but the creative . That was the whole point . But we didn't enforce anything because it was a little boys club and yeah . Yeah , we can talk about that later too .
It's something , yeah . So like , here's the thing , I have time for my kids , for myself and my friends , and there's just not much time left for anything else At this point in my life .
No , you do have time . You're going to go play whatever some game tomorrow at lunch .
You do have time , yeah , but it's taking all my contrary action Like I don't want to do it , but I'm forcing myself to .
Yeah , force yourself to do it . Yeah , rosalie , you guys were babies back then . I was the mature on point person . I'm just going to say that straight up because I had to be and it took me a long time to really accept the fact of how much of a burden the business end was put on me .
Like now that I'm older and I can reflect back , I realize I did so much for Brand New School like ridiculous amount of work for Brand New School and it angers me now that I didn't do better for myself while I was there . I was really taking advantage of there but I didn't know any better . So yeah , we were babies back then .
It sounds like you kept the wheels turning .
Yeah , ash said you make time when you want it , and that's exactly right . I don't want it , but I need it . I'm forcing myself to .
Yeah , I don't know .
This is how I'm looking at dating , and I know this is not a good way to look at it . It's like an ice bath .
Oh God , I can't keep doing this with him . I want to hit him so badly . Ok , explain yourself .
Do you want me to call in , like what ?
No , no , no , no , no . It's OK . It's OK , no , no . I just want you to tell me what you mean by the ice bath thing , like so you want to get in it , but it's really really cool .
No , it's something that you don't want to do and it's not enjoyable , but you're happy , you did it afterwards . So take that . Ladies , get my phone number . I'm ready to go , which is on his website , by the way .
That was like . That was like a set of actual cell phone . It's on your website . I thought that was interesting .
Yeah , I saw that too .
I'm just glad you're putting yourself out there .
Well , the same reason I would need it Hold on a second .
We've got to read it . Why would you need something you don't want ? Nothing wrong with being single .
Well , for instance , it's like working out . I don't we don't always want to work out , but we feel good once we're kind of doing it and definitely after .
That's what we talked about working out and eating right . We had a good conversation about that recently too . We were going back and forth about that .
There's a lot of things that are good for us , that we don't necessarily want to do , but we make ourselves so just like eating healthy and working out . For me , that includes dating .
OK . Well , I think you need to date because you need to get your mojo back . I think there's a different thing , like what are you doing ? You know ? Can I tell you one of ?
my mojos that I forgot .
I lost .
Tell me . So they're over the course of my 20s , when I really was dating , I didn't always take this tack , but when I first started I didn't even have the confidence to do this .
But I didn't necessarily even say this , but I had the ethos of if , as soon as I meet someone , you say , hey , we're going to go out Friday , I'll pick you up at eight , wear something sexy , like just that way , versus because that that's . That's a track that works , especially in your 20s . You're not in your 20s anymore .
You don't remember what you were like . But instead of being like , hey , what are you doing ? Are you free ? Maybe would you like to go out sometime ? But like that kind of people don't like that .
The alpha male like All mom right there with you .
It's called FWB .
I say just have fun and enjoy yourself . It sounds like you're near a friend with Ben , someone who is just as busy as you but understands the rules without all the complications . To which I say what I'm trying to explain to him , but he doesn't listen .
Hold on , do you think I don't know that ? That's exactly what I need . You don't just walk outside and scream it and they all pop out .
Joel is the new Austin Joel powers .
The person up north that I might meet through the app would be a FWB . It's already been written . Do you need contracts now and stuff when you date someone ?
No , you don't . I've explained this before because people are always like Carmen , why are you still single ? Because I don't want all of that . I do have friends with benefits . We can talk later about what that means and how I do it , but I've always had that I have two specific friends , two guy friends .
There's no rules or whatever , but there are rules there are rules you have to talk about , but there's nothing you write down or whatever , just NDAs .
I was thinking , do you say I think it was on Larry David , he touched on it . It was like I now would like to take your panties off and I would like to slide my hand between your legs . New consent to this .
Hey , this is a family show . Bring it down , bring it down or not .
I say that with joy .
Yeah .
Joy makes it better .
Yeah , with joy , makes it better I lived in it .
I thought , joy meant like- .
You're such a dork To you by too much info Exactly . Thank you , daniel . Look , I think you're in a place where you need to do this and that totally makes sense . I think what Ash was saying earlier is I'm under the belief that you know , unfortunately , I think most of my friends who have gotten married end up in divorce .
I only have a few friends that I knew the minute they got married or they were dating , that it would last forever . And they're still together , and they've been together since high school . You know what I mean . So wait , what are people saying ? All kinds of joy . My precious ears see . Some of our people are freaking out .
Friends with benefits is better you got to find the right people who can handle it . Yeah , but here's the thing too , joel . You might think that's what you want , but you don't know , and I think it's good that you're putting yourself out there to figure it out .
I don't think a lot of people can handle Spencer's benefits . I think that really what I need is the most cliche thing is literally I need to join a club and start new hobbies and just experience life by doing new things . But that's so cliche , but it's true .
Yeah , I think you do need to put yourself out there , and I'm glad you are . I just I don't know if the apps I'm not . I've been done with the apps for about 20 years . Hey , brian , how are you ? Good evening everyone . And Carmen . Oh my God , this is my nemesis .
Brian from Texas .
Yeah , okay , joel , what else you got ?
I'm from Texas .
Yeah , but you're from Austin , a good part of Texas , the only part of Texas anyone would want to step foot in . He's from another part of Texas , Houston , I believe Blah and you left Texas . And okay , I have a question for you , because Brian go lose his shit . Do you think Texas is better than California ?
Oh my God , I mean again . I grew up in a blue Texas with Democratic governors and senators and Richards , barbara Jordan , so that Texas was definitely better than California . But now , I mean now Texas is like freaking Afghanistan . It's horrible .
Right , Okay , thank you . Brian's gonna lose his shit later , so it's all good , he's gonna start typing really bad . He always fights with me about the Red Sox and about Houston and about Texas and hating Los Angeles , so whatever that's his thing , he's my nemesis . You know Bobby Flay , Texas . Who's Bobby Flay ? Am I supposed to know who that
¶ The Challenges and Dreams of Directors
is ?
I've noticed that a lot of people that have acted for a while and then they stopped , they're like now I wanna be a director . Why do you think that might be ?
Cause they're crazy .
Well because they're crazy ? Oh Cause it's more creative control , I think . Cause if you've acted for a while and you feel like you're in command of your craft , you naturally wanna expand that to a larger creative vision , which would mean directing .
But if they wanna do it doesn't mean that they're good at it . It's kind of like when Whitney Houston , amazing singer , decided that she would do some acting and as much as I love her and love that movie horrible acting , I don't care what anyone says . The bodyguard it's a great , fun movie , but she's not an actress , you know .
But I think everybody thinks they can direct but they don't understand . It's really hard . Being a director is a hard job . You gotta be really good at it .
If somebody wanted to pursue that , what would you suggest ?
Well , keep plugging away .
Don't do it Don't do it , don't do it , don't do it .
Wow , no , but seriously if you've never directed , yeah , just grab your iPhone and set up , just do like a two minute dialogue scene or anything , but just keep it really simple and really short so that you're not overwhelmed and never completes and just kind of build up from there .
And I also think and I didn't do this this is great advice for anyone in any artistic field . I think is literally copy something you admire . Literally , when you're learning to draw , you're copying like comic books , you're copying exactly what your favorite .
So if you're directing , literally recreate your favorite scene shot for shot , same camera angles , same everything . Storyboard it out first like a scene from Indiana Jones or something . Take like a one minute sequence , storyboard it out first , then shoot it shot for shot .
If you think everyone knows what a storyboard is , people don't know what a storyboard is .
All right . Well then , let's just say just shoot it shot for shot . Try and put the camera in the exact same positions in the actors , and you'll be thinking and seeing it how that director did . So that's literally the best way to learn . I'm not saying to create original work , but to learn .
Yeah , too adorable . Do you write scripts , Joe ?
I've tried , and that's part of the reason why I'm not David Fincher yet , because I don't have anything .
Okay , all right , cool . I love telling stories . I think telling stories is great . I think writing them down and having someone act them out . I think people are confused how hard it is to create a movie Like people , and then I think Rick is learning that . Right , rick , you're starting to get a flavor , because I keep forcing you .
Well , it's not just me , but I'm like that's not how it works .
I have a natural curiosity anyway , and I don't think people realize how many people are involved . They just see what you see in the screen , but there's so many more people behind the scenes . People don't think about that .
Yeah , and people , you should always watch the credits , because if you would watch the credits , especially like on a Marvel movie , I mean , it's thousands of people that made this one piece of art . You know , ryan says I've always wanted to be a stunt performer , especially Jackie Chan's team . Well , maybe I'll have my friend , who's a stunt double , on here .
That's a good idea , brian . Maybe I'll do that for you so that he could be on here . Yeah , no , I am not delusional enough to think I could ever be a director . It's not what I ever wanted to do , but I am fascinated by storytelling and possibly taking one of my stories and making it into a film , like having somebody do that .
So that's kind of what I'm thinking of in the future . But , yeah , I would never take that on . I think it's so much work , like on a whole other level , not my thing .
Thomas said yes , always amazed at how many companies are used to do the special effects .
yeah , Brian's making fun of me . You have patience to be a director . I do not say I feel the same way . Well , we've hit the hour mark , which is usually when we cut off our show . Is Ted on right now ? I can check , he was here , but Brian , I have no patience for you , wow . Well , you're right , I really don't have patience .
I know what my weaknesses are , and I think that's kind of the difference between a lot of people is I'm not confused by my strengths and my weaknesses .
Well , a director , just to bring some more simplicity . As you're filming , the director really is the head , honcho , the chief .
Did you think I was lying to you I ?
just want to hear from Joel .
I'm just bringing clarity to people that want to understand , I would say yes , yeah , I mean . Obviously , if it's a commercial , you're really the clients call the ultimate shots , for instance , and on some movies the actor or the studio may be overly influential , but in a vacuum , yes , on a set , the director is the head honcho .
Steven Spielberg is the head of his film , without a doubt . You know what I mean . Like , when you get to that place , there's not going to be no studio , no client , nobody going to be telling Steven Spielberg . You know what ? We don't like the blue , we prefer green . He going to be like it's going to be blue . You know what I mean ?
No one's going to say blue . For instance , chloe Zhao did the Eternals after she did the movie with Frances McDormand pooping in a van and apparently , as I understand it , she a lot of the action sequences were already planned out . They did animatics and stuff . So a lot of that stuff was done regardless of that . She was directing it .
So there's divisions of labor like that . They hire someone like Chloe to try to bring more humanity to the story , but for action sequences and a lot of stuff a lot of decisions were already being made without her .
I wouldn't want that . I mean , would you want that , joe ? I mean , if you're going to direct a film , right , okay , yeah , I can't even imagine you'd want that , yeah .
Now I don't know specifically how true that is at all True , that is , yeah , it doesn't make sense .
It doesn't make sense , yeah .
Because there's one , these Marvel movies . You know , at least up until now they've just been churning them out . So they're already doing Look Dev , which is developing looks of the news , whatever they're doing , animatics , which is doing digital sequences before they shoot them as a guide .
So they're just going forward before a lot of the details and players are locked in , like actors and directors and everything .
Right , right Now , that makes sense , huh , okay , well , I mean , rick , do you have any more questions for him about film ? I was having much more fun with all the other stuff , but we don't have you on the show again .
You owe me another one . I feel like I failed you .
I am going to have a sweetie . What is wrong with you ?
Not at all . Oh , because I was talking about like bad things and ways that kids can't hear it .
Okay , I just want to say this Rick , you know me well enough now . Do you see why I adore this man ? You get me right , but he's completely clueless , Like it's so funny . Joel , I adore you , I think you're a sweetheart . I want you to come back on the show when we have your internet better and you know what I mean and you're a w .
I mean , I'm not gonna lie to you . I saw how you reacted when you saw people on LinkedIn jumping on and I know you're like , no , it's fine , whatever , but I want you , now that you know , I want you to come back on the show and we can have another .
And maybe you can come on with some other people , like when we have Tony on or Andrea would be fun to have you on with her , and maybe Rosalie will come on . That would be fun .
For the record , I offered to go to your place and sit with you for this , so I know , I know , I know .
You did offer that , and that was like clearly you didn't see the show , you don't have to be here , but we can do that too , so it's all good .
Brian's got a question . He said what's your main specialty that you like to direct ?
Well , that's a very layered question because I've like been pigeonholed into some things and I want to move out . So what I want to do versus what I do and can . But I mean I want to direct , like I would love to do like an action comedy .
So there's like because to me , a great action comedy like Midnight Run has funny parts , it has heartwarming parts , it has action , so I would like to do all of that . I mean I love , I love choreography , whether it's dancing or fighting action kind of stuff . I love that . That's also fun . And music videos .
But yeah , I want to do something that has emotion and humanity in it , like emotional pull , but it doesn't mean I want to do terms of endearment , you know .
Right , can you direct me , joel , that's your boy or no ? That's funny , do you ? I mean , you do commercials , but that's just this next level . Right , that's not ultimate you want to do , but the commercials you do . What I love about them is that they're storytelling Like you . Actually , you can tell the difference .
You're not selling , you're not just selling , you're actually telling a story , you know , until they're like mini films .
That's what I like about the stuff you're doing and the best case scenario yeah , I mean 30 , a great commercial is like a 30 second story , which is actually pretty hard to do when you got to pack so much in . And that comes from the writing , though .
I mean commercials are obviously very collaborative with clients and writers and directors and creative directors , but yeah , they're like mini poems .
Right , you can direct the comedy of Carmen and .
I'll be the editor . I'll do that . Let's do it . Let's take it . Oh my God .
I would just hit him . It would just mean hitting him over and over and over again , right .
I like stuff like this . As a director , though , I would make that an engaging story .
You know what you actually would ? Oh , yeah , he would . He would . Daniel says I had drama honors in high school and did drama in college as well . Oh , you're still about acting . So you know he's not an actor , right , but you do a lot of casting , right ? Do you get involved in the casting aspects of things , joel ?
Oh yeah , For sure . Like auditions and the way it works in the commercial world is you do the auditions and you let them know which lines and how to say it . Then I pick my top five and then I also do my recommendations and I usually get like 50% of the time .
Right . But then the client says , oh , we need , we want this person or whatever . Then that kind of sometimes sucks if it's not your person , right yeah .
Because that's commercial . Occasionally they'll pick someone that I can tell won't do well or it'll be hard to direct , and then you get on set and they don't have the range . That's why they weren't my choice , and but you have to make it work .
Yeah , I hate commercial acting . You really . I lost an agent because I told them not doing any more commercials . I was great doing commercials for voiceover acting that I was great at , but I hated going in because it was . It was such a quick turnaround , right .
You find out that day that you have an audition for a commercial and then go and you see the storyboards and I am not that person . I need time with the material . I am totally like I need . It's hard to do commercial acting and I say bravo to all my friends who've made money doing commercials . I'm so proud of that , you know , especially during the strike .
But yeah , I made my money doing voiceover work and I'm so grateful that's when I made my money and I was doing voiceover work when I was at Brandy's school I bet you didn't know that Of course . You were doing your directing and I was doing my voiceover stuff . All right , I feel like your internet's getting better .
Yeah .
Is that weird when we're done ?
That's Murphy's law .
It is Murphy's law , all right . Well , everyone , I am going to cut this off , but thank you so much for stopping by . I appreciate , joel . I adore you , I do , and I'm glad you came on here . Wait , are you going to promise me that you're going to come back on ? I want it recorded .
I promise .
Okay , cool All right , yeah , I think we scratched the surface . We got more . We got more .
And we want his internet working really well so that we can really get into it . All right , everyone Bye . Thank you so much . See you soon . Bye , Brian .
Thank you , it was an honor and a pleasure .
Thanks for stopping by . All about the joy Be better and stay beautiful . Folks have a sweet day .