¶ Intro / Opening
So where do you go to ? Where do you go ? Where do you go to ? I want to know how do you do it . That thing you do Follow you blindly . I'll be your fool . Where do you go to ? Where do you ?
go ? Where do you go to ? I want to know how do you do it . Hi everyone , welcome to All About the Joy , the vintage edition . I was going to call it old school , but it's kind of the same thing .
I went back and looked at some of our archival live stream footage that we haven't looked at in a long time and I took a few of those and kind of put them all together . And I took a few of those and kind of put them all together and I just want to take a moment to say thank you to this community that we have established here .
It's so much fun and I really enjoy it . And I just want to say thank you to the guests , to everyone in the chat , to people who support the show . Just thank you so much . It's been such a fun ride and we look forward to doing so many more of these in the future . So just thank you so much .
It's been such a fun ride and we look forward to doing so many more of these in the future . So enjoy the old school stuff and hopefully you'll see what I was trying to get at regarding a theme . And yeah , it is always all about the joy , but it's also all about friendship , enjoy .
Now in Iowa , did you go see Field of Dreams , the actual cornfield I've never even seen the movie .
I know .
Look , andrea is one of my best friends . I mean , when I say best friend , like I would die for her . Okay , her children are my God children .
I'm sorry , I said , or kill her .
Or kill her right or kill for you . Did I that's like , kill her or kill her right no , I would never kill you , but but , um , but there are just so many things like she's never seen the movie et and refuses to like she , just like now . It's like a thing . You know what I mean .
Like and I'm like , yeah , there's a certain point where it's like , okay , well , that's my thing , I'm just not gonna watch it , I did almost watch it actually a few months ago , and then I was like no you don't do that .
No , you know , I I still think it's something I'm I need you to watch , but whatever there . So field , field of Dreams , rick
¶ Setting the Stage for Nostalgia
, no , no , no , no , no , no , no . Not going to happen , it's not going to happen , never , no , I will never watch it . She won't do it .
So I know like roughly like the build it and they will whatever it is .
But look at Rick's face . He's like , oh my God , I hate this woman .
And she will be invited back .
I'm like like build it and he will come . Everybody's wait a minute , rick it's . Oh , wow , wait , you took it as a religious thing . Oh , no , no , not , no , I'm not talking about jesus .
Oh okay , I was like no , he did it , did he just make his builder and he will come . It never was day , everybody they . But it's not they , it's he .
Don't the ghosts walk out onto the field . Spoiler alert .
Andrea , I had this film professor who I hate , frank Manchel . Everyone knows I hate him , university of Vermont , I hate him , always hated him .
But if you didn't get the gist but one of the things that I will say , that that that he mentioned I won't say taught me , cause I know I would have learned it somewhere else I will not give him that credit , but he did say it . He said never talk about a film you've never seen . Just don't do it .
It doesn't matter if you've seen all the clips to whatever , and you will never hear me talk about a movie I've never seen , don't matter what clips I've seen , because until you see the full context , you don't know what you're talking about . But yeah , but , rick , I'm just telling you , this is my . I don't know what we have in common .
Because she doesn't it's like almost on purpose , she will not watch anything .
I ask her to watch . Unlike you , that's not true . Okay , what's next ?
I'm just saying I don't think you've ever watched anything I asked you to watch I watched moonlight but I don't even know what moonlight is what's moonlight wait ?
is that the one that won the oscar ? Did it win the oscar ?
I'm sure you didn't watch it because I told you to , because I don't even remember the movie .
We'll have to talk about this offline , but you did . You gave me the movie which I still have , wait wait , wait .
I did what . I sent you the movie . You gave me the . No , I did not DVD . I bought you the DVD . Yes , I sent it to you Exactly .
That seems more likely .
Okay . Well , we'll talk later , because there are a lot of things that you don't do , that get on my nerves . No , I'm just kidding .
But I am curious , if I may ask .
Well , why is this turning into ? Why did I show up tonight ?
Rick , what do you want to know ?
I'm just curious , if I may ask specifically not , I don't care about ET . I've seen ET , though Fear the Dreams . What do you not ? Why do you not want to see it ?
I despise Kevin Costner . I will not watch it .
Oh , okay , there you go Now I understand .
Okay , I really love the movie no Way Out , but it's sort of in spite of him .
One of the best movies ever have you ever seen ? No Way Out . Rick Costa . What's it ? Kevin Costa ? It's one of his first early movies . Really good movie , Sean .
What's her name ? Sean , what's her name ? What was her name ? What's her name ? I forget her name . Oh yeah , I can't remember her name Anyway .
Yeah , you know what I can take or leave . Kevin Costner , like , it's not Like the reason why I saw Field of Dreams the first time . Because there's always a reason , right , it's because James Earl Jones is in it and James Earl Jones has always been one of my heroes .
So of course I was going to watch every movie , every play I could get my you know hands on , cause I couldn't go to Broadway to see him or whatever . But James Earl Jones is in the movie and that was the reason why I had to see it . And then I was so glad because it's not about baseball , like , and , and that's kind of the cool thing about it .
But yeah , that's kind of the cool thing about it . But yeah , you know what , andrea , again , I'm not going to . I know you're not going to see it , but field of dreams is great , not because of Kevin Costner , it's just a great story and it makes you think . You know what I mean . That's it , um , but yeah , yeah , wow , okay , we can go .
Yeah , thanks , tony , it is good advice . Don't talk about it , it is good . Yeah , you're right , and I and I put that on everything don't talk about a book you've never seen . Don't talk about a person you've never met , don't you know what I mean ? Like , it makes it really simple to not get yourself all twisted .
Uh , if you've not experienced that , cynthia , I'm so bummed about your interwebs . I thought I was gonna see her tonight . I know it's the only reason why you came and jumped in Cause . I said , rick , I'm a log off , you can deal with this . So , rick , what was it about ? Um Chris Hemsworth show ?
I mean , besides the fact you said the last episode , look at it's . It's pretty well known what happened . Oh wait , let me read what Kevin said . I find a lot of people that don't watch movies Don't enjoy the fantasy part of it . I think Andrea watches a lot of movies . She just doesn't watch the movies I watch . But I hear you , I agree with you .
I'm just defending you here , andrea , because , yes , I watched a lot of different tastes what we have , different things that we like yeah , and even when it comes to like men , we have very different tastes , but we always thought that was a plus in our relationship because , yeah , yeah rick is like how we going here . I'm like I'm just throwing .
This is an analysis of friendship . Is what I'm saying ? I forgot what I was talking about before .
Well , I was going to say this show Limitless with Chris Helmsworth . This is one that I would say everybody should watch .
Yeah , everybody should watch it . Yeah , it's something that I would watch .
I just haven't gotten to it yet .
Like I've seen the we just showed the trailer . We just showed it on here .
Yeah and don't necessarily trust the reviews either .
Tony , in general I mean .
I don't think I've ever gone to see a movie because of the reviews , or even read reviews before I went to go . Usually that's the kind of stuff I look at after I see .
I , you know . For me , I'll be honest with you there's very few people who I pay attention to but know me well enough . One of them is Mia , my other best friend , my first best friend . No , but Mia is the really , hands down , the only person that knows me well enough knows what movies I would like and don't like Like .
So if she says , yeah , go see this movie , I'll go see it . If she says , don't go see this movie , I'll still go see the movie and then be like , damn it , she was right , because she kind of knows what I like and don't like , but reviews , like of regular critics . I came out to Los Angeles to be a critic , to be a film critic , which is weird .
And then I was like you didn't know that . I studied film and English in college and I wanted to be like Pauline Kael who , by the way , is a bitch of a film critic in the academic world Sorry , may she rest in peace but brilliant , brilliant . But she was always tearing apart every movie .
But I was like , well , I can't dance anymore , I can't perform anymore , what else could I do ?
And so I wanted to be a film critic and I loved , like Roger Ebert and them were just coming on , the whole kind of , and I was like I didn't want to do the thumbs up and thumbs down crap , but I was like I could totally I thought of it as you go to the movies , tell people about it and get paid . Here's what I liked , here's what I didn't like .
I think you should go two steps up and around the world . We still have to give some love to . Jamie Foxx is still in the hospital , so love to him . And all the bullshit everyone's talking about that he had a stroke , that he had a heart attack , that he is all lies
¶ The Complexity of Moral Dilemmas
, lies , lies , lies . We don't know , but we praying on him , uh , to get better soon .
Yeah , siskel and eber , yeah , um I am fascinated that I did not know that , like I thought , you came out to act . You know who knew that .
Mia , wait , wait , wait , and Richard , oh , hell , no , okay , wait , you got to tell the story of Richard and I'm out . You got to tell the story of Richard because that's a good one . I want to hear it from your perspective .
Oh man , do we have to do all of this ? Okay , so yeah , it's funny , dude . Carmen was having a birthday , like a milestone birthday . I think I was turning 40 . It was when I lived in DC , right yeah ?
You were in Europe , but you seem to always leave that out of the story . You were living in Europe at the time , andrea . Okay , I'm gonna friends , richard , you know God rest his soul , truly , really great guy .
But so they're putting together . I don't know . I guess it was a surprise party . I don't know . Was it a surprise ? I don't know , I didn't know anything about .
Why are you asking ? If it was a surprise party , you can find you what happened . What happened ? How are you ?
asking if it was a surprise party . You can find you what happened would have happened . How are you asking this question ? Anyway , I just I'm trying to . You know , I don't normally tell the story you normally tell . So , anyway , I wasn't there , so I can't tell the whole story anyway .
So a bunch of people , a bunch of carmen's friends , friends were invited to a dinner to celebrate her birthday . Elaborate everyone that was there , but I know two people , specifically included our former boss , who I'm not really sure fits in the friend category , and number two , my former roommate , who was not a friend , was not a friend of me .
I didn't even know about this . Can I swear ? Can I swear ? Yes , okay , this motherfucking party . So after the fact , and my freaking former roommate is invited , I don't even know it's happening . Look , I'm gonna start crying . Fucking shit , I'm still picked , I don't . We won't say how long ago .
It was three , four years ago , yeah but a long time ago , but wait . I will never . I will never have closure . Obviously she was , so I'm still pretty pissed off about it and every time it comes up I feel it welling okay , so I just have to clean up a piece of this .
So they had a surprise party for me at a , at one of my favorite restaurants , and this was a planned out , like a long winded planned out thing , cause you have to book this place and whatever , and Richard , may he rest in peace Cause he has passed away . Um , he tried to .
Like all of my friends don't know each other in person , like you know what I mean , like I'm sure you have friends , Rick , that know of each other but they don't know each other in person . You know what I mean .
So Richard did his due diligence and I , the more I think about it , the more I think that he called probably one of my assistants at the time Because , remember , I was over at brand new school and they tried to coordinate it and people flew in like Mia flew , like this wasn't a small like party .
This was a big deal . Someone else could have had she known about it .
I know , I know and I'm just saying , but it was just , it was hilarious Cause she was so angry for so long .
I'm thinking about the years and I swear it was when I was in DC . I was not in DC , you were in .
Europe .
I know you were Cause we're going to talk about this later , but I'm telling you , because that's what I thought .
you weren't there . I was like , well , of course she's not going to fly in from Europe for my little birthday party . That's what I thought . But , rick , the best part is the pictures . It's like me and our boss , me and her roommate . I took pictures of everybody . It was so wrong , it was so wrong .
I don't even remember why we're talking now .
I'm all like , all right , I gotta go no , no , because we're talking about field of dreams and friendship . And how little you know about how , why I came out here . You didn't know that I yeah anyway .
No wonder I wasn't invited to the party . I didn't know you were going to be a film credit . There we go .
Mystery solved , yeah , mystery solved , um , we go Mystery solved , yeah , mystery solved , um , all right , well , I couldn't show it . You know this is also part of those things .
But anyway , basically what he's saying , and he says it's in such a funny way , but he he talks about like , if you're my best friend , you should know that I can use you in a lie if I need to right . Like he's basically saying if I look at you , you know I'm in trouble . We should be so connected that you gonna lie for me .
There's not much else I need to do because we're best friends . And he says your bullshit is my bullshit and my bullshit is your . And of course it's Chris Hart , I mean Kevin Hart , so he's brilliantly funny about it . Ok , so I I sent that to Andrea . So my question is how far would you go to defend a friend ? How far would you go to defend a friend ?
Now .
I'll tell you back when the OJ Simpson thing happened , when he murdered his wife and Ron Goldman his ex-wife and Ron Goldman , because that's what I believe happened I was talking to Mia and I remember having this conversation with her and I said even if all of the evidence was against you , even if they could prove that it was you that you murdered somebody ,
I'd be there for you , I would believe you , I would fight to the end , I would make sure that we would find a way to acquit you . That's what I said . Now that I'm older and she has children and a husband , I don't know if you have all the evidence against you how far I would go . I'm just saying I don't know .
I would be there for you as a friend forever , but I don't know . Andrea thoughts .
My initial thought before you brought that up was like I'd go all the way up to the edge of where it hurts somebody else , like a third party , like really hurts them in some way . It depends , maybe , on what that third party has done okay , gray area there maybe gray area . That's my initial thought , joyce .
I think it kind of would depend on the situation though , because you know , if I've got a friend out there that's like you know , killing her husband or something you know , I just don't know . You know I did something .
Okay , so what I'm hearing is I can't rely on you , joy , for anything . Okay .
Now , when it comes to someone's health or well-being , you know I will support you as a friend , but I will not back up that lie or that deception or that very hurtful thing that they were doing to their husband . Okay , you know I'm not going gonna support you hurting somebody else , physically hurting somebody else right , all I but .
But then I'm gonna step in because andrea made a good point . Depends on who the third party is like . I I don't know . I mean I hear you . So ash just said I'm bad for being all in , but I would hope the friend would respect my morals and how it would affect me by doing so . Don't worry , joy , I got the shovel .
All right , I've got you on speed dial .
I've got you on speed dial .
Yeah , I don't know , rick , thoughts or Joy , you were going to say something . I'm sorry , no , no , oh , rick , go ahead .
I'll do what I can humanly possible for you if I really love you . You're my friend and everything . But I'm not gonna lie , though I'm not gonna lie like wow oh yeah , I just saw this video because , of course , my mom has dementia and so I watch a lot of videos on youtube about dementia and they .
This video caught my attention was like lying and dementia , and of course they're seeing things that aren't there . And they're hearing things that aren't there and so the woman's like you don't want to lie , but here's the thing . They really see it .
Yeah .
Making it up . So it's not like they're . They're not lying . They're actually seeing what they see . So when you tell them , no , that's not there , they think you're not lying . They're actually seeing what they see . So when you tell them , no , that's not there , they think you're the one that's lying right so now I'm like what do I do ?
I'm lying is okay . I'm kind of done with this . I'm I'm tired of being goody two-shoes about everything . Yeah , it is all about the hate today . Let me tell you Clearly all about the honesty . I just . I think sometimes , okay , wait , asher said oh , I've totally lied for a friend . Exactly , I've lied for friends easily , like , easily , easily , no problem .
I don't think it's always so black and white and there are gray areas . Now , if somebody murdered somebody , that's a different ballgame .
But if somebody was accused of murdering , like , I cannot imagine I'm going to just say it straight up If Andrea was accused of murdering somebody , I mean it's going to take way more than just evidence for me to believe that that's true , because I know her so well that I would . It would be so hard for me to be like you know what girl ?
I'm sorry , I'll come visit you in jail , like , but it seems like you did it . You know and I know who she might murder . She might murder . So I even know . So a part of me would still find it . It would just it would rock my whole sense of understanding who she is and the world .
For that's why I'm saying I think I'd be there for her no matter what , even at quick , because I would think that the system did her wrong . You know what I mean , and I would have to find out why .
Well , and I would say just , you know , I think that I believe that none of my friends who I would lie for there are some I have that I would definitely not lie for , but none of my friends who I would lie for , uh , would ask me to step over a line . That's right .
I like , like you were saying that about me , like I um , there's a certain point where I wouldn't do that to them . You know , I may have done it , done whatever to somebody else that would . I would say I want you to lie for me , but I like I wouldn't ask them to do that to me because of what it would do to them .
You know what I mean . I just got totally confused . Yeah , I didn't hear anything in there . Like Carmen , I would do the same for you . That's what I was waiting for . I didn't hear that at all .
but okay , whatever , like I wouldn't ask you to lie for me .
But that's exactly . But of course not . But that's my whole point .
If you were accused of murder , murdering somebody , I know you would not , that you would ever murder anybody , but I'm saying I know people that would . Are you on that list that you have of people you want to kill , if that person is ?
in that list . Yeah right , I'm just saying like , let's just pretend , pretend right , that you were accused of murdering somebody . I would know in my heart , in my entire being , it was not you . Yeah , yeah , you wouldn't even have to ask me . Yeah , I would try to figure out what the problem is . Does that make sense ? Okay ?
Okay , again , not hearing that you would do the same for me , but whatever , I'm just kidding .
I just said same .
Does this change anything ? What if you ? By lying , you get into trouble legally Me , Whoever .
I don't care . I would rather go down fighting because I think but okay , that's a great point , because here's the thing . Isn't that the problem with our country right now ? We're so self-absorbed about what's going to happen to me , we don't care so much about what's happening to other people .
I'm not trying to throw that out there , but that's exactly the point . If I know someone who is innocent is going to jail for something they didn't do , and it's somebody I love and care about , I mean , andrea said it earlier , it's no joke . If you in my corner , I got you ,
¶ Welcome to All About the Joy: Vintage Edition
I got you . Yeah , this is not going to be . I'm a loyal , loyal friend . You fuck with me and it's over . That's a different ballgame . That's a different , and Andrea knows this . I have a three strikes rule . All of my friends know this . You have to do three major mess-ups like major mess-ups to not be my friend anymore .
I'm just wondering how many strikes I have right now .
Going back to the beginning , you said this is a lie . So would you go to jail knowing you just told a lie to help somebody out , when you they probably didn't do it ?
okay , I don't know what you mean . I got confused . Now what ? Okay , let's go with andrea just murdered somebody , okay , and then what am I doing ?
I know cynthia's like laughing cynthia , I would ask you , can it be ?
somebody else . No , because we just just chit-chatting . Okay , wait , let's read ash . Okay , wait . Ash said oh , I've totally lied for a friend . Laugh out loud . Exactly . You'd be wondering why andrea didn't call you for help . That's true . If I went down defending a friend who was in the right , I'd happily go down with them . That's right , go ahead .
But rick , give me your example .
They were in the wrong but but if Andrea murdered somebody , why , if , if , if my best friend , one of my best friends , murdered somebody and they , they would tell me . First of all , they would tell me I don't need to defend that that's . That's a whole different situation they're going to . I don't have people in my life that wouldn't fess up to me .
So I'm not lying for somebody . I'm saying if she was accused of murdering somebody and I knew that she didn't do it , or I trusted that she told me she didn't do it , I would believe her .
Yeah , I got that , I'm just saying I'm throwing a monkey wrench at you , that's a little different .
That's not one of my friends .
I'm just saying the monkey wrench is she lied . They are lying and now you're sitting in jail knowing that it's not even true . You're here for a lie .
First of all , carmen ain't going to be sitting in no jail . Let's just be clear about that . Okay , number one because ? Because I got some good ass motherfucking lawyers in my life , okay , yeah , just to start right now . Okay , wait a minute . Here's the problem with that scenario . Andrea wouldn't lie to me .
You're saying that somebody I consider my best friend , like part of my life , would lie to me and I would know they were lying and then I would go to jail for them . That doesn't make no sense .
Let's say , andrea stole a million dollars from a company and she's like I'm definitely going to get away with it , carmen , don't tell nobody . Okay , don't tell nobody , she gets caught . And then they say , carmen , did you have knowledge of this ? It's either no , or you're gonna lie , and you know .
lie or not lie , you know am I with andrea in the other country that we've flown to where there's no we are having fruity drinks on the beach right now , right . The problem with your scenario is that Andrea , upon stealing the million dollars , would have already charted the jet that we were both .
I'm just saying like I would probably have known about the million dollar heist , because my friends wouldn't do something like that without telling me and including me in and me being go ahead , go ahead girl , so you would be the accomplice .
Yeah , I have no . Who ?
Cynthia , look at , here's the thing too . Andrea would steal the million dollars from the same place . I would right , girl , we're not gonna steal from people who need it , we're gonna steal from people who don't need it , and I'm screwing people , so we would have robin hood robin hood yeah , yeah , we've gone down a hood .
I missed one , I'm confused .
I don't know what my love language is . Is that in all ?
relationships . Well , that's the theory . Or just men ? All people live and receive love in a certain way , and so it's your job to know what your partner's love language is , so that you can communicate with them in that way .
Okay , Andrea .
Go ahead , andrea . What's your love language girl ?
Acts of service .
Do nice things for me uh , acts of service do nice things for me , so do they . So that means you . Okay , I just want to learn . So you're saying , if somebody does nice things for you , then you love them , they love you it's showing their love like that .
Yeah , that's how I like someone to show their love for me and how I show my love for other people , like cooking , right , that's doing a nice thing for people . I do that for people . You know , that's a love language for me and it's I'm just saying .
I have not felt that kind of love from you in a very long time . I have not felt the love language of cooking in my house and leaving me food for a couple weeks and just friendship . Of our love language is confusion , I think Okay .
I hear what you're saying . Well , I don't know what your love language is . You have to .
I've never thought of such a thing I have . No , I really don't . I've never . I don't know what my love language is .
Well , if you were in a relationship , or in any any relationship , how would you want someone to show you that they love you or appreciate you ?
how do you know like what makes you feel loved ?
I think there's a reason why I am definitely single right now . Is this the answer ? Is this what I've been missing the whole time ?
You're like I have no language . I don't know , she's not young or old hey Michael .
I think we now know the secret . I don't know . I'm so confused . I think Rick is trying to tell me I'm having so much fun I'm going to have to try to ignore him for a bit . Oh , here he is . Wait a minute , here he is . Okay , wait , we're going to bring Rick on . Rick , you're missing it . Ciao , sorry .
We've now determined that the reason why I am single all this time is because I don't know what my love language is . I know I'm like that's the answer . All right , give me the options again and I'll tell you what I think I might want . It is so material . It's clearly not material stuff that doesn't matter .
Gifts is one of them , right , Isn't that material ? Yeah ?
but you know , that's not really my thing .
I'm asking you guys Gifts is one of them , Words of affection or some you know .
Affirmation .
Yes , thank you .
Wait , wait , so wait . I'm confused . So you mean somebody tells me you're awesome and that's going to make me love them ? I'm confused .
¶ Reflecting on Past Memories
It's not about making you love them . It's not like some voodoo shit where there's a hooking in the hole and say she's awesome , she's all in love with me .
She's awesome . Hey , joy . Just so you know . Michael wrote a few joy . He wrote in the comments oh , michael , michael backer , michael backer yeah , I'm sorry I forgot . Uh , rick is a great gift to all seekers of divine guidance . Okay , I'm still trying to figure out . Thank you .
Okay , rick , just wrote .
Rick just wrote words of affirmation quality time , physical touch , acts of service , receiving gifts . There you go . Okay , I think mine might be quality time . That's probably fair , right ? Yeah , I think so . I think that's probably me Like I don't need to see you , probably me like I don't need to see you every day .
I don't even need you to live in my house , hint hint , have your own place . But I like , like , if we're gonna be together , we're gonna . I think that might be true . Yeah , I'm not , because you know I'm by myself . Hey , ted Hicks , how you doing ? Okay ? He wrote wait a minute , I didn't get my chance to say it's ladies night .
Yeah , we , we tried to knock him out , saying we were having technical difficulty , but he logged back on you know , um , okay um Cynthia Joy , joy , your turn , my goodness .
I love the quality time . That quality time we're the same yeah .
Quality time .
Now takes its to all of us .
After he said hi to Rick in a special thing , then he said hi to the rest of us . Cynthia was yours and Rick was yours . Rick in a special thing that he sent out of the restaurant , Like whatever , Cynthia was yours and Rick was yours . Oh , Rick , let's go with you first .
I would say probably quality time with a sprinkle of access service . Like it's basically how do you feel loved when somebody does which one of these things ? So quality time , huge for me . Like you want to spend time with me cool , that shows you love me . You know I love that .
But then acts of service is like I'll do the dishes for you , whatever , I'll do this for you , you ain't got to do it .
Really like that'll make me feel like oh wow oh , you know what , when you said acts of service , like when andrea was talking , she said because I was thinking like you know , you volunteer , you do . I still am confused by all of this I'm confusion I'm confusion .
Like you know , acts of service like rub your feet at the end of the day . Gas up your car , do something you revise .
I want to revise . I like people rubbing my feet she likes physical touch .
I want men to oh boy , this is rated . G right , this is family friendly here's the thing .
I'm in charge of the clips . Okay , that's so funny . All right , I I think I'm getting it all right . Go ahead , cynthia . What's yours ?
so mine would be um two of them . So I have the quality of time and gifts , but not like huge gifts , like , for instance , like if somebody goes to a store and they know I love Disney let's give an example and they go to a store , they see something with Disney or something like that and they just thought of me and grabbed .
It could be a dollar , it could be 25 cents , doesn't even matter , just the point that they show that they thought of me and Pick something up for me , hiony , how you doing yeah um it doesn't mean being materialistic .
It means like somebody took the time to actually get you something and said , oh , I think this is gonna make their day , and then you did it right . It's like , oh yeah , this is just romantic relationships .
Right , not necessarily okay . So you guys were just messing with me , okay ? Well , after this I'm gonna have to have like , I'm gonna have to write in my journal and be like this is what happened with this guy . I did not understand that he was trying trying to provide service .
And your love language might not be the same as your partner or as your friend . It may be totally different .
Well , clearly I wasn't even paying attention . So is that really a thing ? I guess it's really a thing . Wow , this will be the last time we do turn the tables Thursday , because the host is feeling like a loser .
No it's your therapy session . You're learning so much . It's your therapy session .
It totally is . We're going to fix Carmen after all , yeah , after all .
Set in place to begin with , because if you set up a foundation , you set up boundaries . You will have a good relationship . From my observation , from everybody else I know and everybody else I've spoken to that have been married for X amount of years , my failed relationships has been financial , because it's my choosing of the type of jobs I wanted to go .
But I do the best of my ability . You know the shit I mean . But the thing about it is it's like hey , love you Rich , but hey , I mean you want to go for somebody else , you know that wants to flaunt and all that stuff . Fine , go ahead , be that way .
But it's just like , hey , you know if they're only going after you for your money , right ?
well , I mean yeah , but but also too . But like , what annoys me from my past experience is just that , like I'd be there for him . I'd be like yeah , what do you need ? I got you . Would you need help with that ? I got you . But the moment I run into a snag , oh bye , I gotta go . It's not you , it's me kind of for you .
That's not the right person .
You can't do it right , I know , but , like I said , it's been like financial because it's like I run into a snag , but yet everything else I've done , I help them out .
So try not to help them out so much . Don't do what you can .
Don't overexert yourself trying to give them everything when they can't do the same to you , Right when they can't do the same to you , right , but I expect that reciprocated , like I was there for you in your time of need .
See , you needed to be on our last podcast with the love language , because your love language is not the same as the girls you've been finding .
Because I mean , like I could fix shit , I could cook shit , I mean I could do it .
Yeah , brian , I you should talk to Cynthia later . She can get by .
I'm not hard to find . It's all good , I'm not hard to find .
Brian , I think you're just choosing the wrong people , or you're not choosing , but you're connecting and maybe falling for people and maybe you don't see the signs because , no , look at as much as I make fun of you and whatever we , we go back and forth . I know you're a good man and I know you can cook some shit .
Okay , that I'll give you some credit right there . I've seen you with the barbecue . Okay , like I would go to texas just for that . Okay , so're a good person . You work hard . You need to find a person that connects on your level . You're not finding those right people .
That's what that's about . It's important to know what you want in a relationship , what your own values are , so that you can kind of screen people for those values . It doesn't mean they have to totally match up , but they can't be like in total conflict either .
Yeah , and one thing I'll say , too , is if you don't want me , then I don't want you , because why would I want you ? If you don't want me , then I don't want you , because why would I want you if you don't want me ? Sounds simple , but it's like .
that's the bottom line if you don't want me anymore , if someone doesn't want to be with you , they're not the right person .
Boom done , there you go something that you guys had mentioned a couple of weeks ago and I responded to you , but it was at the end of your stream . Does your significant other need to be your best friend ? I say no .
Which is amazing . They don't need to be , but it probably would help the relationship a little if they are one of your best friends . Okay , if they are one of your best friends .
Okay , so I say no , but a comment that was used earlier . I think that person , that significant other , needs to be your ride or die .
Yeah .
But they don't have to be your best friend .
Can you tell me what ride or die is versus best friend ?
What does that , what's the difference or what does it mean , because I don't know what that means you know your significant other is your ride or die , meaning you can depend on them when needed , just as they would depend on you . But is that the ?
same as a best friend . A best friend , you would depend on them regardless of whatever .
They're close , they're close .
They're very close .
One of my best friends is a little bit harder than your best friend , wouldn't your ride a title potentially become your best friend , though In this situation . I'm just saying there's a little bit more to it . I know You're from the Bronx . You already know stuff . I know , I know where Ted's going . I know where Ted's going , all right , all right .
Yeah .
I'm just saying , though , all right , I get it . You know what I mean I'm , you know . I mean I'm in a situation , you know . I mean , uh , I'm falling and I can't get up . I need , you know , I mean I need an upliftment here . You go right ? Yeah , I got that all right , thank you . You know what I mean .
But it's not just like you know , I mean compared to , well , your best friend , you know , we could talk , we could talk , we could do this . There's a slight difference between the two . I'm thinking about it . There is a slight difference between the two . I don't know what it is . They'll potentially eventually become that same person if you put the time in .
Yeah , if the time is put in , they'll eventually become the same person .
My ride or die . My best friends are my ride or die I don't have With no expiration date .
There's no expiration date .
I don't know what that was about , Brian . There's no expiration date .
To me a ride or die .
Next week it's over . You're no longer married . It's expired . It's been 30 years .
To me a ride or die you could be stuck in a side road at two o'clock in the morning and they'll be there .
They'll be there , yeah .
My best friend will be like oh , I hate that for you oh come on , that's not your best friend .
Sometimes your best friend could pop up out of nowhere . You know what I mean .
I feel like we have to have individual therapy sessions .
I'm starting to feel like these men have had some really bad relationships , friends and partner-wise .
tony agrees yeah , carmen , what's going ?
on with your friends and you're like what ? Yeah right on that okay , so carmen could call me from freaking thailand at 2 am and I'd be on a plane trying to figure out how to help her yeah yes , right , yes . So , like you know , like , without even thinking , like , should I do this or not ?
it would just be automatic so I so andrea , I mean this andrea , but go ahead okay and I can't butcher cynthia . okay , so I have a couple of . I have a best friend . We've been friends for 40 plus years . We don't have to talk every day . We can get on the phone and just pick up from whenever . That to me is a definition of a best friend .
If you're in need , or the example that was just given Now your ride or die is like , hey , I need an enema . You're in a situation and you're like , okay , I'm going to look for my significant other or my partner or whatever like that , but that person doesn't need to meet that best friend .
Would your best friend not do that for you ? I mean , that's a little too much information .
That's a crazy example . That is the best friend .
That's a wild , crazy example , a real-life example real life example .
I had surgery and my best friend andrea helped me take a shower . No problem , wasn't even a question , because I could not do it myself , right ? I did it for a week , helping me and making sure that I had everything I needed . That's the best . You know what Any one of my best friends would have done that .
I don't have any friends who I wouldn't if I had to call and be like dude . I need an NMI . I need your help . All of my friends would come and help me if I needed them . I would be there for you , okay .
Okay , I just want you to know now NMA Ted , I just want you to know now Enema .
Ted .
I wanted to go to an extreme . I wanted to go to a full extreme , to see like , okay , here's the difference , you know it would be .
I mean knock on wood . I didn't have to make that call , but I got people . I'm call , but I got people .
I'm with Nancy . I got people . Yeah , I got people For real .
Yeah .
I've been like a bloodshed .
Is it weak ?
Yeah , but enema yeah .
But is it because it's another male ? Is that because I mean you got Andrea and Carmen would do it for each other , no questions asked . But is it because you're ride or die , or your best friend's another male ? You mean to tell me you wouldn't do it nah , nah , my friend really needs it .
You're going for it ? Gotta go get it .
Cynthia , you know , I got really quiet right .
I was like hmm , are you guys any ride or dies because don't feel like it . Tony doesn't know what to say . Are you guys any Rad or nice ? Don't be like it .
Tony doesn't know what to say I'll get it , I'll get it . But if you're gonna Tell me , like yo , we gotta go with the Procedure , then I'm like hey , man , you're on your own , but that's what I'm gonna tell you . Be real with it . I'm gonna tell you that y'all be on your own , but I'll fight for you , I'll go get it .
If you need it . Maybe everyone's definitions are a little bit different as to what spouses and friendships , I think in the perfect world for me and the world that I live in . My best friend and my ride or die are pretty much exactly the same person .
The reason why I'm single is because I don't want anything less than that in the man that's going to spend his life with me . Do you know what I mean ? Like I have a standard that I and Brian , I think you should think that way too .
I'm glad to hear the comments . What happened ?
Brian should think that way too yeah .
Brian .
Yeah . But here's the thing my standards are reasonable , carmen's standards . Not even the best Olympic pole vaulter can hit that bar .
You need a jet pack .
For Carmen's standards . You need a jet pack . If not a jet pack , you need a plane . If not a plane , you get a damn shuttle .
I don't . What is he doing ? I don't understand . Yes , you're absolutely right , the standard is way high . I don't even Wait .
Yes , you're absolutely right , the standard is way high . I don't even Wait , wait , wait . I'm reasonable . Hold on hold , on , pardon , pardon . What exactly is the standard Where's ?
the stage .
Are you being generous ?
Well , you are . In general , that's her standard , because the way Brian says it is like it's unreachable . What's happening here ? God bless that woman . Yeah , yeah , huh . What happened ?
God bless that woman , Nancy we have to shout out the comments .
You guys Remember that .
The comments are going crazy .
I don't understand what's happening . I just got lost so fast . You know someone who would never fart in front of her husband , god bless that woman . See , this is all the enema stuff . Man See , when you bring toilet stuff into the stream , this is what happens .
Just take it easy on the fiber y'all .
Yeah me man .
Talk some parsley Easy on the bread .
So , Brian , I'm going to answer the question because he asked me a question . You want to know what the standard is for me , or are you trying to figure out what the standard is for all women and why you're having maybe difficulties finding women ?
who want you for your money . All the above , I got time .
Yeah .
Here we go . Run open Pandora's box , there we go am I missing ?
is this really hard ?
I didn't knock the door . I didn't knock on the door , I kicked that door . Let's go , no , I I asked .
I asked what was carmen's standards ? Because of the way brian's over exaggerating , though that's what I know , that's what I because because it's time to go get our beers .
Tony and Brian always call me bougie . They say I'm so bougie because . Let me give you the example why . Again
¶ Gratitude for Community and Support
Because one time they were thinking about coming to California and I said I'll be happy to suggest some hotels and some places you can stay . I live in Santa Monica , california , on the beach , santa Monica , california , on the beach , santa Monica , nice . So I suggested hotels that Andrea Cynthia has stayed at and Andrea lives here as well .
The normal hotel here would easily be one night like what ? $500 , $550 a night .
And we lost it .
And they lost it and they have not let go of the whole bougie concept since then Can I just say , when I went to Santa Monica to visit Carmen , she hated the hotel I was in , oh my God , because it was literally across the street from the pier .
May we ask which hotel it was please ?
But it was only like . I think $200 a night .
Which hotel , cynthia , was it five star ?
It was only , like I think , $200 a night .
Cynthia , was it five star ?
It was four stars , that's the reason why it was also across from the pier . Did you hear that part ? And , cynthia , what else was broken ? You ?
didn't have a pool . They were renovating the pool , so we didn't have a pool .
And I had to go pick you up and go around around the world , even though you're 10 minutes from me . I had to go around the world to go pick you up because it is like the the crowd anyway .
If you're gonna ask me where you want to stay in santa monica , or you ask andrea , you ask anyone you want to stay in santa monica at the beach , I'm gonna tell you where you should stay because these are beautiful hotels here . But and again it again it's not even Santa Monica . I don't like . When I go to New York , I stay in Soho , I stay in Tribeca .
That is the luxury , my people , of not having children . Okay , that's the other part that you don't need to understand . I don't have to spend my money or worry about taking care of kids or whatever , so I can do things like fly first class or those are choices I make .
Thank you , man . Thank you , you have the option to pamper yourself . I'm just saying , and that's not a crime .
It's not a crime .
If that's how you want to do things , it's not a crime .
Check out and say that she has lived a life and she has earned , she deserves to get what she wants and to be bougie and all of those things . And so , whatever her standards are , like , yeah , someone should meet those standards , and if they don't guess what , she's fine without them .
It's okay and I'm not taking money out of your pocket , brian . Until then , remember it's all about the joy . Everyone Bye , good night , bye . Thanks for stopping by . All About the Joy . Be better and stay beautiful folks . Have a sweet day .