The Best Advice with Heather + Martin Aiono

to do since I started this podcast. I want to introduce you to my parents, but actually, like just me tell you about them before you actually meet them. I was the only boy, so I didn't have to ever fight for like my dad's attention, or I never had to like fight for tickets to the basketball game or the football game. Um. But I got to just hang out with my sisters, and I got to really get into much with the beauty that is femininity and the beauty that is women, and I got to be a

real true mama's boy. And and my sisters taught me how to talk to girls and how to dress and and uh and it was really a great setup. And and if you know me at all, You'll know that I always say that it's my favorite thing about my

life is my family and my parents, including that. Um So, I thought it would be an incredible idea to have my parents on here and to talk about what it was like being their kid, and talk about what is like having them as parents, and then talking about, you know, what life is like now that I am twenty four years old and I as much as I'm still a mama's boy and I'm still the best son in the world. How like they also happened to be like my best

friends in the whole world. So it got me thinking, if you could ask your parents anything, what would you ask them? What's up? Y'all? It's alex I. Oh no, this is my podcast. Let's get into it where we really talk about everything, and we don't We talk about everything regardless of who's in the room, including my old mom and dad. We're gonna have a great time today. I'm gonna paint the picture for you. So I'm at

my parents house. We have Mila and Sydney and Taylor and Halle and the outside trying their best to not make noise, but with a one year old that's pretty tough. So if you hear anything coming from outside, that's what it is. But also here in this room, I've got my two favorite people on earth, and I'm going to introduce you to them now. First up, she is not only the best mom in the world, but she's also

the best customer support agent at Purple Mattresses. She makes an incredible chocolate cake, and she's most likely gonna cry during this episode. My mom, Heather, I own, Oh what's up? Mom? Thanks first setting me up? And she's crying. And Uh, the man that she's been with for the last twenty nine years, twenty eight years, twenty nine years, thirty years. More than that, he is my best friend. He is my number one fan. And um, he taught me how to gamble and I won some money last time I

was in Vegas thanks to that teaching. Uh, my dad, Martin Ion, know what's up? Dad? How are you all right? Son? Good to be here, and I'm glad that you had a successful weekend this weekend Vegas. So we have some We have three interesting topics to talk about. First one is New Year. Knew you in quotes again? Uh that we're gonna be talking about the big important questions. And lastly, we have an A m A which is asked Me anything, or in this case it's an A M P A,

ask my parents anything. I went on Instagram and ask you guys to give us some questions that you've always maybe wanted to ask your parents or things that you were scared to ask your parents. And my parents are going to do the heavy lifting for all of us, which is great. But before we get into that, I have a question that I ask all of my guests, and that question is what are you doing this week

to improve yourself? I will start this week. I've been really focusing on this something my therapist and I talked about a lot, because I think he says I have anticipatory anxiety and what I what comes with that is I always focus on what's next, or what's coming or or the future. And one of the biggest things that I've been working on, especially this week leading up to the holidays, and usually for me, there's twenty million things to do on my holiday's list, and I want to

make sure I get every single one of them done. Um, but the biggest thing that I've been focusing on is doing what's right in front of me. Doing the first like what's like the next thing only and not focusing on what comes after that. So that's how I've been trying to improve my life this week. But now that you guys have an example, Mom, do you have something I do, it kind of goes a little bit along with yours. I was stressed with this week, starting with

trying to get Christmas perfect. You know, it's like my favorite holiday. I want to make sure everyone is equal and fair. We have the right amount of presents. Yeah, you definitely, you always my mom. Make sure that you always have like everybody has the same amount of presents, like nobody has one more one lass. But it's also fed into me my sisters like death. If she ever does mess up and one of us gets one more, one less than she never hears the end of it.

So true. So with everything being as it is this year, I had to let go is what I had to do this week and realize it couldn't be exactly how I wanted it to be, like with gifts, and just focus on being present. I actually have for the first time. I have everything wrapped. I have our ball game that we play every year. It is like in the closet ready to go. I'm usually making that ball Christmas Eve at midnight. It's already so I can be present since everyone is now here in Utah with us. I like it.

And that was my That was my when I had a few weeks ago, as I got my Christmas shopping done super early. Dad, what you got? Um? Mine is kind of similar to mom. I really want to be present and appreciate all four of my kids and my amazing son in law, and especially my grand baby. And so I just want to sit back and absorb, take it all in and enjoy the company and and the

spirit of each of them. Nice. That's those are Those are good ones to have, and they're great ways for us to get straight into it because as much as we try and do things every week to make ourselves better, we are coming to the ultimate day of of doing things to be better, which is New Year's Day. Everybody's got resolutions, and we're here now talking about New Year. New you just to kind of we'll we'll break the ice, will get comfortable, and then we can get into some

more juicy parents stuff. UM, so let's do it. A lot of people have advice about New Year's resolutions. Um, some people don't like the New Years resolutions. Recently, actually haven't really been into Year's resolutions because I feel like the way that I used to do them, which was like every day I'm working out starting today, and I realized that I would just totally fall off the wagon by the second week of February or even the second week of January or what about you guys? Are you

guys resolutions people? Um, I've never been one like write it down, keep track of it that way. I definitely make goals in my head of things that I want to do, but I try to give myself some grace in if I if I fail, even if it's quickly on in the year, and just also know that it's okay to reassess and restart. I like that dad. I used to Mom knows there was a place in Hawaii that I'd like to be um New Year's Eve too

and write down my goals for that year. But at that time, I think I was looking more for structure in my life. These days, I think starting uh fifty two times a year is a lot easier on me, and so I feel like I could start all over each week starting quick. With some wisdom there Martin, I feel like sometimes for New Years, at least for me, I'll spend half of the time thinking about the year that just happened, and then I'll spend the other half of the time thinking, Okay, what do I want to

do this year? What's coming up this year? Um? But this year, I feel like it's pretty it's pretty easy for me to want to just think about what's next and trying to figure out what's coming up after this. But that being said, what do you think is the most important thing that you guys learned in a year like this that was super weird and super dividing, and a lot of bad stuff happened, and it definitely wasn't

the year that any of us were expecting it to be. Um, I think it, just like I said before, kind of to let go, let go of those preconceived things you think have to happen, and you have to let go because we weren't in control. There were so many things that normally were in control of that we actually weren't in control of this year, and we had to let go and try to find the happiness in the joy and what we did have control in, and also to keep it simple life was super simple for most of

the year. That being said, there were some very hard times and sad times when we couldn't be together, but we would just make the best of it. When we one of us was down, I feel like we tried to all the rest pick up and pick up the pieces and just try to stay positive and keep it simple. I agree. I agree. It's a very different year, but you can look at it as the glass half empty

or that glass half full. We uh, your parents, We've got to spend a lot more time this year together than we ever have probably in our whole marriage, and that's because of a lot of the circumstances this year. Well look at that. You guys are the first people have been on the show that aren't like this year sucked, including me. So all right, Well, now that we have broken that ice, let's get into parenting. It's what we have that connects us to You guys are my parents.

So um, I feel like there's so many things that I've thought of in my own childhood into my young adulthood of like, oh, I want to make sure I do that when I have a kid, or like I want to make sure that I treat my kid like this, or my kid always feels like this when you guys are growing up, Like, what were your thoughts about that? Was there anything specific? And we'll start with you, dad, that like that made you go like, oh man, when I become a dad, I definitely want to be this,

or like I definitely want to teach my kids this. Yeah. As a matter of fact, when I was dating your mom, we decided we dated for two weeks and decided to get married. Oh yeah, we didn't even get to that part yet. There's a long we're gonna go. We're gonna crack into that in just a sect, but go continue on. In that two weeks, one of the things she shared with me was that she'd never gotten a spanking from

her parents, and that blew me away. Um, you know, being from a Polynesian background when I grew up, my my dad lad with the iron hand, and so I couldn't understand it when she told me, and I thought she was joking. But as we spoke a lot more in depth about it, I made it a goal. I said to myself, I want to be a parent that doesn't punish his children physically, and I want to lead my family without the eye in hand, I can proudly say other than two times, which both I deserved it.

One I pete on my sisters and two I choked my sisters with my bare hands. Just just hallie, just hallie. That was true. You did, you did a good job. So congratulations on that, Mom. Do you have anything specific? I think I just wanted to have. I grew up with great parents who I knew loved me. But I

think one it's a it was a generational thing. Is I wanted to be able to communicate because I felt like there was a lot of times and still as a struggle in my family to always have open and honest communication because I feel like that's the only way to truly be happy and to truly love each other, and especially love each other unconditional, which is so important to me in capitalizing on on that communication, son, I think the most important thing you mentioned the two times

that you were spanked, but more importantly was the communication and how it played out, because, for instance, the very first time was when you peet on your sisters because they wouldn't let you play with them, and we can all agree that was probably a pretty valid reason to be on them. Yes, and uh, but not the right to take um. However, I knew how you were feeling. But if you remember, we gathered as a family and

had a family meeting. We had a full family. It was a full situation, and we discussed what had taken place and and uh, what you had done, and we also discussed what you thought would be the right amount of spankings. Uh, these are bare butt spankings. And by the way, I want you to know the seriousness of this spanking. You got to choose, and I don't know why. Yeah, at three years old, for some reason, you chose the

number four. And I remember my heart dropping and going, well, that's a lot, okay, he said, four kids, and and I chose four spanking had known I was a weirdo of back then. I was like giving four of them. Your sisters were all crying after the first everybody's crying. First crying, I'm crying, girls crying. Dad's crying. Yeah, that's tears. Hit my ass, my bare ass, and it hurt a little bit more, staying a little more, didn't it, gave it a little gave it a little stinger. And then

the second time was very very similar, very similar. After choking Hallie and I thought she had stolen I thought she had stolen my candy. And I think that's a pretty valid punishment for the accusation of stealing. And I think we had warned him once, like a really good warnings. What do you mean? But that also, if you recall, took a lot of communicating and explaining to you why it was happening. Once again, you got to choose, and um,

luckily you didn't choose four. You just chose three. Learned my last and the fourth one is when the tear was on my ass and it hurt. The good news is that both of you guys's goals that you had have come true because we are all great at communicating, all all six of us. I guess all eight of us now including Mela is very good at communicating when she wants stuff. But I want to go back a little bit because you talked about, and I'm so used to it that that that's how you and mom met

and how you guys got married. But when people here that after two weeks of dating you decided you're going to get married, uh, most people's jaws just dropped to the floor. So we need to hear a little bit more about how that all went down. The first night we went out, we kissed, and the next fourteen days there wasn't a day that went by it we didn't see each other. And on the fourteenth day, right around there, we were on our way to the gym, it was like six third in the morning, and uh, I asked

you how seriously you felt about us? And you paused and thought about it, and then you said, I'm seriously enough that if you were to ask me married now, I'd say yes, and that's it. And I said, well, it's own, let's get married. That is true. I was nineteen um and wasn't looking to get married by any means. But when it's right and it's the time, it's the time, you know it. We were married almost a year from

that date. That is the exact reason why I told so many women that I loved them, because my parents had that as the preface of what it is to get married. So Uh, any girls who are hurt from the fact that I told them I loved them and then probably broke up with them within that year, I want you to know. That's why don't blame me, blame my parents. It's their fault. And then you guys. You guys got married, So how do you before we get into the parenting stuff, how do you guys feel what

is the secret to having a successful and happy marriage? Man, that was such a loaded question, that pretty loaded. I would say, once again, communication. You know, we've definitely had a lot of bumps along the road and in our thirty years. But a couple of things that come to mind for me. Um A term that Dad introduced to me was brutal honesty, and it's not always fun, but

it's definitely successful in a relationship. So I would say brutal honesty, communication, and forgiveness and fight for what you want. Definitely fight for what you want. And we were just talking about it, as we talk about it quite often, how grateful we feel that we've had such an amazing life so far, and how much we love our family and our children and to watch them grow, to watch them find happiness. And after thirty years, I can honestly say that I love your other more than I loved

her the day I married her. No, it's really it's real though, it is true. I feel exactly the same. We talked about it often. That makes me very very happy to hear so I think the reason why a lot of people listen to this podcast and the reason why I wanted people to hear this conversation was because a lot of people grow and learn over time, and

especially younger people are growing and learning over time. And I don't think that that's necessarily something in my conversations with plenty of older people and and including both of you, including old friends and Sandy and Mickey uh saying that that's like the most important thing is that you continue growing, you continue learning, And I think that that's something that plays into, um, what you both had mentioned of like, you know, communicating and fighting for what you really want.

And I think those are the foundations of things that that should not ever stop happening. UM, So what are ways that you guys continue learning on your own and

also together? I would say, you know, I would learn a lot actually watching you guys, watching the kids and listening and you guys open my mind to things that are very current and ways of thinking that we weren't raised, but we keep it, keep an open mind, and UM, love growing in that way and love just learning all the time watching other people, and I think talking about

it too. You know, once again, like I think old school says, you know, you don't talk about your issues, you don't talk about what you've been through, but you're what you're feeling. And I think now it's so important that you just have to not hold anything in and just communicate, open up. I think another great thing that your mom's taught me is the difference between reacting and responding.

Such a big difference. And I'd say I was a pretty reactive young man, you know, early in her marriage, and she's she's taught me how to respond to things rather than react right right, and and that's I think those are nice things to to not only have with each other in a marriage, but also, uh, the reason why you're here on this podcast is because it's also good things to have, like as a parent. So what

was it like raising us? Most importantly me, Well, I have a scene and Dad always kind of rolls his eyes a little bit, and I've altered it over the years because I always just say, oh, I have I have perfect kids, and Dad would roll his eyes. No one is perfect, we know that, but my scene is

I have four perfect in my eyes children. So I think, you know, initially when we first had Taylor and we were so young, we really wanted it to be like, Okay, obviously it's she's going to change our lives, but we don't want it to change it in things that we enjoy doing. We wanted you all to be included in our lives and what we do. UM, and I think

that was like a big thing with us. You know, obviously there were times and places where it wasn't appropriate to bring four little kids to certain events, but as long as it was appropriate, you guys were there with us, and we just went appropriate included you in our lives so you could, you know, experience the things that we loved that you guys were there with us. I'm looking at that picture behind you of Mom and the four of you, and I remember, um, that years right around

two thousand, wasn't it? Wasn't it two thousand and UM? I can recall that we hadn't even purchased our first home yet. Um. We did later that year, but looking at that picture, I reflect back and think, man, we had it all back then. We It wasn't about getting the new house or building the new house or any other material things. It was just having our family together

and being happy. That's nice, that's super tight. I mean, I think that that's something that I wanted to ask you, dad about, because you mentioned like back then when we didn't own a house or we didn't have this, we didn't have that before we kind of had all grown up and I got to live the super luxurious life that I did as a child. Then, thank you, thank you.

Um But but but in seriousness, our household was pretty traditional, I guess I'll say in the sense that mom, once we were all as as we were all home and growing up as children, you stayed home for the most part. You worked a little bit for the airlines throughout. But Dad, you worked a pretty grueling schedule of work to put food on the table. Plus you know so much more

than that. Um So my next question is for you, Dad, which is how did you balance working your ass off and providing and doing so much for the family on the work like away from us, I don't never think about you being like less of a good dad because you're always gone. Like I know, there's a lot of kids who are like I don't even know. I never had a relationship with my dad. I always had a great relationship with you. I think all of us did. But you also still were working five six days a week,

you know, big, big, double digit hours. That's a good question. I think I think you've inherited it as well, the belief and playing hard and working hard. We always had activities as a family and fun things to do, but we also had our quiet time as a family where we would just spend quality time and not have to use an activity to get out and go together. Um. A lot of it is through trial and error too, and time management. I look back, and I might have

a different point of view. I might, you know, be thinking I wish I had spent more time, or I wish I hadn't missed out. You know, many times I did miss out on the activities that you and your sisters were doing or that you participated in just due to work. But I always fought included because Mom was great with the video camera and I was still able to feel like I was there. Yeah, I mean, and I think we all felt the same, at least on my end, at least, I've felt we never missed a step.

It was always like I can't remember how many times would come and visit you at work and you'd let me drive the golf card around to the houses and all of those things. So I think that it was more so a how did you do that type of question more than a how do you feel about that? But you watched us go through things that you might have either already been through or you've already experienced, but

we had to learn the lessons for ourselves. You saw us, you know, when in stride, and you saw us being stressed about everything from homework to girls or or boys or everything kind of under the sun. And you guys are being parents. And I feel like sometimes while you might have known the answers, or you might have known exactly what we needed to do or what we didn't need to worry about. Um, you might have been your tongue so that we could experience those things for ourselves.

But are there anything specifically that you wish you could have told us? You know that maybe in your mind you were like, man, you guys are you're giving way too much energy to this this stress or this worry. I would definitely say like relationships for sure, you know, as you guys got older, I mean that was the hardest like to see, you know, to even kind of feel I never wanted to be the parent who was like I told you so, or you shouldn't be friends

with this person or that person. But you know, we definitely have our instincts, and when I felt like maybe someone wasn't good for you or one of your sister's, kind of bite my tongue and let you write it out. And then but at the same time, when that person hurt you, which in my mother heart I felt was going to happen, I wish, like, man, I should have said something, but I just didn't want to be that in your face. Mother told you so. I mean, because you do have to. You know, life is trial and

error and you have to do that. And unfortunately, yeah, as a mom, as a parent and mom or dad, it's very hard to watch that when we know what the outcome is going to be. But it's definitely important. I think that we allowed you to do that. Yeah, we wanted to make sure that you experienced it for yourself and that we weren't interrupting your experience because of our views. And I think that's probably one of the most challenging things about being a parent, because you have

to be patient. We've had many many conversations you know that we didn't share with you or your sisters as you were going through a lot of these experiences that we really just had to keep to ourselves and watch from the sidelines. Yeah, I mean, I think there's a lot that goes into being a parent. I have never even been a parent, and I know that there's a

lot that goes into being a parent. But I think even more than the things that you guys had to go through with us, which were normal, like dating and what you just mentioned in the conversations you have behind closed doors, you guys were parents to a very unique situation, which was me, don't go anywhere, I want to take this to the next step up or I guess the next piece of our conversation kick the sisters out, because you guys also were very You guys were parents to

a very unique situation, which was me wanting to pursue dreams, really chase after things. And if you've for the listeners, if you've ever heard any interview of mine where I reference what it was like being, you know, growing up, and what I attribute success to, the biggest thing was having a family that believed in me, having a family

that supported me. And we moved to Los Angeles from Arizona, UM So I want to go back and kind of relive that through your guys eyes, because I know even in my own experience that there were a lot of people, um even today that would never do what you guys did.

I think most parents will believe in their kid and buy them a guitar if they want to learn how to play guitar, or maybe they'll give buy them some singing lessons or or help them do you know one or two simple things that don't really alter their own lifestyle. But you guys actually were open to completely uprooting out of Arizona in moving to Los Angeles. So, in one giant loaded question, what drove you to do that? And what gave you the confidence that it was not a

wild pipe dream? Not a wild pipe dream? Son, it was a wild pipe dream. I guess it was a wild pipe dream. We just we you know, it was very unorthodox, a very unorthodox move that we did. But you know, you mentioned like some parents will get their kids and guitar, you know, just to suffice them because

they want to learn how to play guitar. You were that and so much more because not only did you want a guitar, you want a piano and you wanted to sing, and you would soar, and if I was checking off the boxes, you would sore in in those areas, and so we knew you were serious. Um, we know that it's not common for your children to know what their dream is. However, your three sisters, we look at them in the same space as we look at you. They just haven't told us exactly what they want to do.

You just happened to know that when you were young. Did it warrant such an unorthodox move? No, not necessarily, but at that time when we moved, uh, this timing seemed to be right. It was quite a bit of a sacrifice, as you know, moving from a seven thousand square foot home to a little apartment, but it was location and we were on the beach. We were in California, where your mom and I both grew up and wanted to We yearned to get back, but we didn't expect to be on the beach. And if it was just

a small apartment, we'll take it. And you know, it taught us also to go back to more of a minimalist type of lifestyle because we had so much stuff. And at that time, right before moving, you too to California. I thought stuff was important at that time as a growing father and becoming more and more successful. If I were to do it again, I wouldn't concentrate so much on stuff and really concentrate on your sister's needs and your needs. You know, when we first decided to move

to l a Um, it wasn't just overnight. Obviously, it was watching you. You had been asking it. We knew you wanted to do it. We'd kind of thought, oh, maybe he'll pursue it later in life. And and the more we saw this talent and you grow, and we kind of, you know, let you go out to l a kind of test the waters. And of course all parents think their kids are great, and like I said, I have four perfect in my eyes kids. And I

believed you had talent. Dad believed you had talent. But on top of the talent, we saw the drive you had, and the work ethic and the desire and but first and foremost on top of that is how happy it made you. And I would think that if anyone were to ask my kids, what did your mom want the most for you? I would hope that you guys would say, she wants us to be happy. And I think that's that was the biggest driver. I remember someone saying to me, oh, you want to take your son to l A to

make a buck off of him? And I was so offended because I thought, first of all, how dare you? But anyways, I thought, no, you know what, look at him, look at how happy? Well, I think I remember who that was that to you. I got a little black book. I'm not gonnae I got Arizona, little black book of people who I've gotta who I'm really gonna send Christmas cards to when I when it's all said and done. But yeah, I think it just was the happiness, and

it was for us. Like Dad said, you know, we had had this stuff, We had had this, that and the other, and it was that isn't what brings happiness. It's finding your passion, finding your joy, loving fully and um being there for one another, watching your sisters support you and sacrifice for you in the move. To me, I'm that all we all grew closer, our hearts grew bigger for each other. And you know, I do it again,

do it again and again. Mom and I were just talking the other week about how we both talked so much about building the perfect home, and that perfect home. When we did build home, you all had your own rooms, and you all we had a big intercom system, and we remember calling you guys for dinner on the intercom, like in your separate rooms, and we realized that wasn't the life we wanted. We wanted to be closer, and

you know, moving to California that put us closer. As you know, we didn't have much furniture, and love sex became our our furniture, but it also became our kitchen. So I think when I look at that whole move in general, and I look at it, I try and look at it objectively, and when it comes to if we were to take it not by we're just calling

it as it is. If it comes to that as like an investment, like you invested in my dream by moving me to Los Angeles, I think it's safe to say for me that like it was a good investment, like obviously outside of what your goal was, Mom of saying like me being happy that happened, Dad, if we even based it off of stuff and like experience and getting to do it like I've been so lucky in my career so far too to sign to a major label and release songs and have gold records and write

songs for big artists and all these things. But I think more importantly than that for me was that, like you had mentioned, we went from having our own space to being forced to not have our own space and create now what was actually who we were as family, which was all being together, so that it kind of laid the foundation that now that we're again apart, I think at that time really um set a foundation of who we were going to be as all as adults

now all as family, and it's really made us you know, who we are now, which is like just a bunch of friends. I think that also just happened to be family you mentioned before we go into this last segment and then go into the A M. A. Dad you had mentioned and Mom you had mentioned it as well, kind of referencing raising each of us. So how did you navigate raising how do you navigate being a parent to four completely unique people? Definitely for unique people, Yep,

we definitely have that. UM. I think it is just kind of giving everybody their own opportunity. Like Dad said, obviously you're dream your passion of what you wanted to do for the rest of your life came early, and I think sometimes I could have also been hard for your sisters because they're like, we don't know what we want to do. And I don't want to say you weren't normal, and like your son, your brother is not normal.

You guys are normal. But at the same time, it's you know, most ten twelve year olds don't know exactly. I mean they might by the time you're twelve, you've gone through ten different occupations that you would like to be. So it was just navigating, listening to everybody, providing opportunities for them as well, and being sensitive to each of their needs. And when I say sensitive, you almost have to guess ahead of time um on each of your kids and be proactive to their needs and what you

might think of their needs. And you're not always right, but I think the effort. You know, I M Taylor's your oldest sister. I try to be sensitive to Taylor's needs um as much as I am yours and your needs. And you don't even need me, you know, these days, yet you're still our son, and we still feel like we have to be here for you no matter what. We know that your life isn't perfect. But each of

your sisters. You know, You're youngest sister is twenty two, and you guys might think we spoil her the most, and we probably do. But um, with parenting all four of you, by time you get to the end, which is your youngest sister, you kind of want to just say yeah so much right, Like you learn it's kind of like that commercial where it's like first baby and you're like not letting it touch the ground, and then it's like third baby and you're just like, I don't know,

given whatever you needs. Like it's just really at this point whatever I don't know. I I mean knocking knocking on real wood right now, Um that I don't have to be a parent anytime soon, because it really is a journey. But I think this weird idea that I've always had of like I feel like when you're when you're really young, you just think like your parents are invincible, they're not even human. They're just like these amazing, perfect superheroes.

And then as you get older in a good way but also just in a very human way, you find out, oh they're people. I'm in person, Like we're all people and everybody's a person. I want to ask you guys about that whole situation, because I feel like, what were your guys is I guess emotions as we all became older and we all became old enough to see you more as as friends. UM, I don't remember, like actually like a point where it switched, but I do remember.

I remember hearing people say, oh, my mom's my best friend, or my daughter's my best friend, my son's my best friend. And I didn't really grasp that concept until maybe just a couple of years ago, where I, like you just said, if I had to choose who I could be with you know, or who I want to be with the most, or who I want to talk to, who I want to see, it's true. It is it is the aid

of us that are in this house right now. And I felt that way for a while, where I just genuinely obviously another important concept excuse me and parenting, I think, is a difference between like and love. And of course I've always loved you, I've I will always love you, and but how life goes, there are times in life where we might not like each other because of choices

we've made or differences we're having. Arguments that might come up but I couldn't honestly remember the last time I've thought to myself that I haven't liked one of you, because I like you so much. We are all very unique, were very different. We have different beliefs and um things in our lives that we that are important to some might not be the most important to others. But it doesn't matter because we like each other so much. We genuine love each other unconditional, and I, as a mom,

I couldn't. I couldn't have abous for anything else. At sixteen minutes and ten seconds she started, There we go, number of crying Number two I would have. UM. I can honestly say I vouch for your mom. She's one of the most loving people I know. But more importantly, she has helped me co parents and taught me not only to love, but she's taught me words like kindness

and tolerance and understanding and patients. And these are things that have been passed down to your sisters and yourself that you inherently get that you may not have to pull them out to utilize them or understand them yet,

but they're inherently in you and your sisters. I don't know what that feels like, but I do know that I've been you know, I'm I'm so lucky that I have parents who have been able to understand that that that we all kind of grow And I think we got really lucky that, like you said, we all like each other just as much as we love each other now.

But the there's a lot of a lot of things that you guys say, like in general, because most of the time when I have guests on here, I can be like, oh, I totally relate to that, but I really don't. I have no relation to being being a parent, and hopefully I don't have one. But maybe like in ten years down the line, I'll be able to call you and be like, hey, remember when you said that thing on my podcast. I get it now here we are, um ten years then they're old enough that they're not

just like little babies. So the flip to that then is seeing your kid grow up. And I know that you I I'd like to think that when you have a child, you have like an idea of like, man, my kid's never going to do this, or my my kid is never gonna, you know, drink, or my kids

never gonna do that. And obviously I've referenced it a lot in this podcast, how we were raised and uh, and how that's really shaped who I am as a person, And it's really shape to my personality, and it's really shaped my beliefs and the and the faith that I have and in and the the amount of important families

and all of these things. But just as much as kids grow up and they find out that their parents aren't superheroes, I think parents watch their kids grow up and they find out that no matter how hard you can steer your children in the right direction, which is what I think you guys did, inevitably, there's still going to be human beings, and they're still going to be adults, and they're probably going to differ in some ways that you had originally not planned for them to differ in.

Um So, I guess one of my last questions before we get into this ask my parents anything, is how do you navigate those feelings when your children start acting in ways? And this is for any parents out there, not even just our family. How do you navigate those feelings when your kids aren't doing what you had hoped or originally wished they would do. There are too many

answers for navigating your feelings. However, I think if you know to love your children and can, then everything that comes your way or their way is very Uh, you can handle it. You can deal with it. Yeah. I An actual example came to mind is I remember listening your dad came home and he showed me, Um, your gospel at twenty three songs. And I remember listening to old a f and you know, to be completely honest

as a mom. If I didn't love, I don't love hearing you say those words and UM, but I listened to all the words. I listened to it several times. And then I don't know if you remember this, but I flew to l A, I'm sorry, and UM. We talked about it. I told you how I felt. I asked you if I could have done something better as

a parent to make your life better. And you explained to me your whole feelings on writing it, and you explained everything, and I was just at peace, and and I knew that these were your words, these were your truth. And as much as you know, maybe if you've made or make choices that are different from maybe we would have written on paper as what we outlined for your life. The most important thing. I've said this to so many people, that is that you have a heart of gold. You

are a good person. You even if it's not the choices I would make, you're a good person and you help and you have this amazing sense about you. So it's like that to me, I'd rather you be there and be happy than maybe, you know, being stifled and not being your unique and true self. Yeah, your mom is. She's always been very uh sensitive once again to each of your needs, but a lot of them are in this sense, was you know, her need to express to you how um it was so different for her, such

a big change for her. I, on the other hand, I believe in not blocking any of the artistic vibes or creativity. And when I heard heard that, of course, you know, the first thoughts are, man, Will Smith never had to swear, you know, and it was just because you had such a clean upbringing. I remember reading on on your YouTube videos, you know, people saying how Chemey doesn't cuss, Well, it's because people use profanity as a

descriptive words. We both grew up in the ld S faith, and so you know, we were taught not to drink, not to smoke, not to use profanity and and so these are things that oh, you've seen us roll with, you know, as your parents. But try me. They haven't been that difficult. They haven't been that challenging. It's just been different, right, And I think what you had mentioned earlier is like it was how you two were raised, and you were raised, I think it's also a much

different generation. Um, and then you come up and you have your children, and it's it's impossible to track. And this is something that I'm just completely assuming is you know, it's impossible to track where the world's going to go. So you can't raise your kids in the perfect way to act the exact same way when the world isn't gonna give that same environment that you guys were raised in.

And I think that that can be really, really hard, because especially when it comes to religion, or when it comes to faith, or when it comes to family values or any of those things, it's hard to keep those exact same family values when the world around you is

a complete one eighty. You know, it's it's it's it's hard when the you know, when the F word at your guys generation was used so sparingly that you would genuinely be shocked when you hear the word and now you walk outside and if you if you don't hear it in a single conversation, you're more surprised that you didn't hear those words. And so it's little things like that that can be really really difficult for a parent,

at least in my opinion. Um. But at the same time, I think, I think about so many ways that you have You guys, as parents, have been amazing in letting our different lives that we've led in our experiences that we've come to independently as children, and then we come

back and we bring those to you. I think something that's been really really awesome, especially you know, I'll even say this last year with the election and everything, and you saw so many trending videos of kids yelling at their parents because the kids supported one side and the parents supported another side, or you have like you know, there's everybody always uses the term old heads, which is like, you know, parents who are stuck in their ways, or

older people who are aren't willing to learn about the new generation or what's going on. And I think one thing that I will credit to you having such a strong, open conversation relationship. I think at this point, both of you guys know pretty much everything I've ever done in in terms of the good, the bad, and the ugly I've I've been comfortable enough to say, hey, do you guys know that I did this? Or you've asked me even like, hey have you guys, have you ever done this?

And we can have you know. On the flip side of that, son, there's also when I say the flip side, we were just talking about something that you've done that

has surprised us, some kind of took us back. But on the other hand, you know, there's a saying you learned from your children too, and you know, the first thing that comes to mind is your support of lgbt Q. Mom and I were raised that that was totally on the other side of the fence, and and we didn't know very many people who were gay or lesbian or different that way. And but we what we did know is that we taught you and your sisters to love people,

to love everyone, and not to judge. Those are the two biggest things we've taught our children. And so when we saw your support for that, we had to face each other and say, that's what we taught them. We taught we taught our kids to love and not be judgmental and to accept. And so those old heads, I totally get what you I know what you mean by that, but that is also purely an example of how we've learned from our kids, and we're never too old to learn.

I think also too, you just said something that made me think of something, which is, like you said, the lessons that you taught, you know, lessons that you taught us that might manifest out in different ways than you had originally taught them. You know, you said, love everybody, and even though in your generation that might have just meant make sure you give money to provide food for the homeless of those who have least like it can

manifest into something completely different. I think of I think of so many ways in which I could twist and spin lessons that you've you guys have both taught me into things that I do on our everyday basis. I think of quality over quantity and everything in moderation. When I think of the times that I decided to try drinking, or the times that I that I smoked or or would do this or that, and and and I think

that that's something also that you can't. Are we gonna have to give him a third that you can't you know, those are things that you can't you don't know, like, oh, I actually taught him that. And and there's so many lessons if any, if anything, all of the lessons that I've applied to my life would be lessons that I learned from me. Whether it's whether it's quality over quantity, or you know, it's all about good food, good family, and good music and things like that, all of these

lessons that we learned. Um and so I think as we close out this segment and we get into this A m A, it has been so cool getting to feel and experience every season that is being your guys

son and getting to experience that. We went from a stage where I and you'll hear in my podcast with my sisters about out the time that I got caught making out with Jamie Arrato and I had to come home and I had we had the talk of you know, being disappointed in me all of those little things, getting spanked at, you know, at three years old for peeing on my sisters and all that stuff too. Even now being an adult and being able to like tell you guys like, hey, guys, I tried this or I tried that.

Check this out. And and you, as incredible listeners and learners as well as incredible teachers, get to provide this open space that we can come home for Christmas. Whether we all come from different walks of life that year, we are all completely unified that year. Especially this year, we've all been so isolated from each other that we get to come back here and we feel so open

and loving. So I want to thank you both for being the best parents that you guys are and providing the environment that helped me at least and and and I'll speak for the girls as well, and them as well become who who we are and and get to apply all that in our lives. Um, we're gonna take a quick break, and when we come back, we have the A M A which is asked me anything, or also known as the A M P A, which is asked my parents anything, don't go anywhere. Al Right, we

are back. This is let's get into it. I'm with my parents and we've had like I feel like this episode is definitely unique than more unique than the other ones. I also realized like halfway through this episode that my my own energy in this episode is different, and it's because I'm talking to my parents. UM, so cheers to that. Mom, Dad,

how you is doing? We're doing great? Yes. So I went on my Instagram and uh, and I asked all of the fans to hit me up with questions that they wish they could ask their parents, or questions that they just want me to ask you about us. So we're gonna start super easy and uh. And the first question is how do you feel about my hair? Do you like it long? Or do you want me to

cut it? I think you're a beautiful hair and it's long and as sorry now, um, I don't know if everyone knows, but we didn't cut Alex's hair to he turned three, so he had long hair as a little boy and I loved it and he had the curls and I think it's beautiful long hair. I do love his his face with the sides, like when his side just to be super short. But I like it now how you can pull it back and I see that. Um, but I say, whatever makes you happy, you have good

long hair and lose the mustache. They definitely hate the mustache. Facial hair. They do not like they do not like the facial hair. But you know what, that's okay, that's totally fine. Okay. So this question is from sid dot lou how did they birth beautiful Sydney and then follow up with a toad like you. Um, that's from my sister and we're gonna we're not gonna take that question, thank you very much. UM. Here's another question. Speaking of sisters,

here's a question, hallie ion know how are babies made? Oh? Wow? Did we never tell her? No? Do you know what's really funny? Did you know that you, at least with me. You guys never had the talk with me. I thought your dad, did I give that this was the talk. This was the talk. And I don't know if you remember this, Dad, but this was the talk that I do.

At this point, I was eighteen, I was dating a certain person, um, and I think literally the conversation was like, hey, son, I don't know what you're doing out there, but just be safe, all right? And I was like, all right, thanks dad. Wait wait wait, because I didn't think that

was the talk. I thought the talk was when you were in seventh or eighth grade and you came home and you told me something that happened with a young lady, and I tried my very best to not be surprised, but we did have a little talk about young ladies at that time. I don't remember that. Um, this is a fun question. How would you say your guy's parenting

style is different than your parents parenting style? We already talked about the communication mom, we already talked about the iron fist Dad, But like, what else do you feel like it was really different in the way that you guys decided to parent. Our parents came from such a different era, and I think that we've just trusted each other and talked about it, you know, the decisions we've

made as parents before, during, and after. But I definitely would say that your mom and I put communication up there first. Where I never really saw my parents communicate, let alone be Um, they weren't outwardly loving and they didn't show a lot of what an intimacy either, you know, or so we never really saw romantic moments. But somehow I grew up in a family of ten kids, so yeah, yeah, yeah,

you know, had to happen somehow. Yeah, But I just think that parenting changes with eras Also, Yeah, I think you definitely have to be flexible. I mean, because we what we did is we took the good things from our parents, and I think that's kind of what I hope this for you all, is that you take the good things that you had as your parents and you

enhance it and you make it even better. I'm not going to say I am a better mom than my mom was, but I hope that I took things traits from her and then I just made it better for your generation. And I hope that's what I hope for you guys. I love that. I love that. So this one's this one is a little bit more personal. When was the first time that you guys were disappointed in me? They're asking some really good one. I mean, which time? No, I mean honestly, and we talked about it a lot.

Is the I just didn't know how to handle when you peete on your sisters like that. To me, I was I grew up with only sisters, so such a boy thing to do, and I just was like, that's why I just put its seriously grossed out where I was laughing and I thought it was funny, but I knew the seriousness of it, and I knew you know that we had to approach it as parents, and uh, but I don't think that was the first time I was man, I just pointed me before that I was

like three years old. Are you going to be disappointed with me? And three years old or younger? I know, the first time I can think of that I was disappointed. I had taken you to the Super Bowl and we had the hookups to where we were able to go and watch the Arizona Cardinals practice for the Super Bowl. At that time, we were able to like go and get signatures, and I wanted you to go get one from Larry Fitzgerald, and for some reason you just froze up and you you wouldn't go over and get it.

And I remember getting frustrated with you and saying, so I go over there, and I almost had almost like push you over there. So I don't know if that's the disappointment as a word, but once you know, I had pete on my sisters for it had been nine years now since I pete on my sisters, So you weren't disappointed. We have to point out the fact that we can we just say it as it is now. You were not disappointed when I Pete on my sisters.

I was not disappointed. It's a guy thing. I actually totally remember that, and I remember just being I don't even know what it was. I can't remember why I didn't go up to Larry. But Larry, if you hear this, I'm going to find you one day and take a picture with you so that my dad can be proud of me again. Next question, what are your best tips

for your children becoming independent slash becoming mature? Let them try trial and error, giving them the opportunity talking about it, giving advice if they if you feel like it's super important for their safety or whatnot, or if it's asked for. But I think just giving them the freedom for the trial and error. I know this saying is used a lot, but it was so tried and true, and that don't be afraid to fail. It makes you tougher and you learned from every failure. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't

be afraid to fail. I like that. This next question it is uh, it's this one's an interesting one. What's the hardest thing that you ever had to say to us as kids? Son you're adopted, What was the hardest thing I feel like to me if if I if I can add my I would say the hardest thing that I in my memory that you told us was when we came we were driving home from the cruise and you told us that that our dog Tate had died while we were on our cruise. Yeah. UM, I

think death is a hard one. Um. You well, you weren't born, your and your sisters were young when nana um passed away. Um, we had Papa passed away and

we had passed away. Um. But death is hard and even though it's part of life, that one really does stand out when Tate when we got off the cruise and we knew during the whole cruise because it happened at the beginning of the cruise and the person, the friend that was watching him for us, was able to contact this earlier in the cruise, but we chose not to tell you till after. Yeah. I think that's probably the hardest in my memory would definitely be Tate when

when you guys let us know about that. But like you mentioned, yeah, unfortunately there's gonna be hard conversations to have. But let's let's dance over to some some more fun stuff. How did you come up with all of our names. So Taylor Taylor's name is Taylor Tamari and Taylor is my mom's maiden name, and Tomari is dad's mom's maiden names, so she got her grandma's maiden names. Nice Sydney is

Sydney Lee. Lee is my maiden name, so that was her middle name, and Sydney it was actually Grammy's hairdresser. We were going to possibly name her Samantha, but I just don't love Samantha for her, and then it was Grammy's hairdresser said Sydney. And her name is spelled s I d any Y because I loved the name Sydney and she was not named after Australia. And then you. I before, when we had the two girls, I wanted a girl named Alex and Dad didn't like that name

for a girl. So when you were born, actually when we were dating, we both liked the name Ian for a boy, and when you were born, you just were not in Ian, and so I and ion O though, that's that's I mean, you can't get a stronger name than I and ion Oh. We had said that to someone and they said E I E I O and so kind of it sounds like. So anyways, when so we're like, well, what about alex And then we started

going We said Martin. I love the name Martin, but Dad didn't want that, and so I said, okay, well how about Martin Alexander. You're not a junior but and we'll call him Alex. And so that's how he came up with your name. And then Hallie, right Hallie. I wanted to name her Sloan because as I was at an amusement park and there were four kids and their their kids were Taylor, Sydney, Alex and Sloan no joke.

When I was pregnant with Hallie, and I was like, I love that, and they're all kind of like unisex names, and so I was like, okay, we'll do that. And then where she was born and um, I said that name, and Dad I could just see on his face he did not like that name. And but while while I was pregnant with Hallie, the second parent Trap came out and one of the twins, played by Lindsay Lohan, her

name was Hallie. And I would watch the credits of every movie I watched when I was pregnant with all you guys to see the names, and her name was Hallie h A L L I E. And that's where she came from. I like it. I like it hall Elizabeth Elizabeth in her middle name. Good names names for some good kids. Um, well, listen, we have time for I think one more question, and I want to make it a juicy one. This person says, I'm a first time parent. How do I stop feeling aulty for standing

up for my own parenting? For me, it goes back to kind of what I did this week, and give yourself the space, give yourself the grace and the space to be the best you can be. I don't think

you ever need to apologize. I have a joke I always say if I've done something like and I'll be like, oh, mother of the Year, I won the award right there, allowing myself knowing, Okay, probably wasn't the best parenting or my shining is moment as a as a mom, but allowing almost make a joke out of it, because all I can say is I tried to be my best. I've tried to improve. I've watched other people to to get tips, read you know this, that and the other

to try to do the best. But you also have to dig down deep get that instinct, that motherly, fatherly instinct that is there I believe in anyone, and just do your best and give yourself that space, but not beat yourself up. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Don't beat yourself up. Just put your best foot forward, like Mom said, with your motherly or fatherly instincts, trust them, and just try to do your best. Don't beat yourself up. I would say. My takeaway is that and it's something

that you guys did. And I think from the beginning of this episode you've identified that it's something you did, which is um. You obviously had your goals for us. You had what you wanted to be as parents, from being communicative and leading with love and not necessarily and iron fist. And as we grew up and we're adults now and we're all everybody in this house except for Mila, is now like a full blown adult with our own life. You guys excelled in your understanding that you won't be that,

you won't be perfect. It won't be perfect, We won't be perfect. Nothing is going to be perfect. But you guys, you guys excelled in and doing your best and and really as as cheesy as the line is forgetting the rest. Um. But thank you both for taking some holiday time to be on this podcast. We're getting paid for this, right, so we'll figure stulf thing out after this. Um. But right now this is Usually it's with people who are

promoting projects or anything. UM. But I think you guys are just such clowns that let's tell everybody your Instagram so that they can find you on Instagram. It's called not so shameless promo. Mom, what's your Instagram handle? My Instagram is has h e z as in zebra Iona has Iona dad Uh It's Martin iona a i O n oh and you know me alex Iono. Best part about having a weird last name you do not have to worry about having a h an interesting tag. Um. But guys, thank you so much for coming on. Thank

you for listening to the podcast. Please make sure you rate and subscribe. That is how we grow. I love you, guys. I'm gonna go enjoy a bunch of cinnamon rolls and Mom's chocolate cake. I'll see you guys later weeks. We really want you to get the help you need. So if you need help, please seek independent advice from a

competent healthcare or mental health professional. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely those of the podcast author or individuals participating in the podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, counseling, or therapy. Listening to the podcast does not established doctor patient relationship with hosts or guests of ALEXIONO, Let's Get

Into It or I Heeartmedia. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on this podcast. Well, if that's a doozy