Welcome wagon

dog park. The other day, and I quote, a large dad said to one of the dog owners, if you if you're this is this true? This is exactly what he said. If your dog bites my kid, I will kill you and your dog. Interesting, that was the order, you know, the the threat usually starts with the potentially lesser b you heighten you, you'll be dead, and then I'll go down the left. Yeah, because sharped me. I don't really give a ship what you do with my dog, to be honest with. Oh wow, um, look over there,

it's James Ceeney, jangled up and chains. Jimmy, what would you do to have a cat? A case of hash Brown's delivered in one hour In one hour I would make all of the scenes get wrapped up as fast as I could so I could answer that door without interruption of the podcast. Fair uh and and now please welcome back Jackie again, Zalez de Ruther back Jay Jackie. What makes the best damn guawk in Los Angeles? Who? Not? What?

Who makes the best damn guawk in Los Angeles? That's a very good question, because I love glack and I feel like it's hard to miss. It's hard to not enjoy a glock, and I don't think that I've ever had one that blue. I fucking mind being said. Actually, I fucking hate this restaurant, so I don't want to give them any good press. There is a restaurant that based good walk, but I'm not going to mention their names. Did they fire me for asking to get paid as

much as the men who did my job? Yes? They did. Well, now we need to know the name of them is so that we can all shoot on them. What's the chat on them? One here? Before? I mean, I don't know. I've been fired from a lot of restaurants, yes, and all for different egregious regions. Well, I talk very strange, if not competitive. I've never been fired. Oh I think three or four. And let me say from those experiences, I quit one after like during my training, like after

two days of training. They were like, hey, um, so you have your second I was like, yeah, I'm not coming and they're like what, and I was like, yeah, I'm I'm done. I don't like the culture at your restaurant, Like, I'm not gonna there. Those two days were horrible and they were like, oh, well, Jacqueline, I don't want to tell you what to do as you're an adult woman. But and then like, yeah, it was really weird. I

was like, okay, um, yeah, I'm not coming in. But there's nothing more freeing, Like I've never felt better in my life than to be like, you know what, I'm not going to work at this fucking like hell hole. I'll work at another hellhole. Good for you, the hell with that, and thank you for that. And I still think we should share the name just so we can all shoot on them together. But I'm not gonna I'm

not gonna put that on you. You'll you'll, I'll write it somewhere on a piece of paper and we'll get out there if you'll let um and last last already no no, I can't be last penultimate. Where's Chris Alvarado in you? We got the dog? We got me? Oh, here we go, Craig Atkowski. When do you know when the small talk is done? Oh? I guess now. I thought we were just chatting, but then it turned all serious. I do want to say, I do think it's a basic human right to be able to choose your own

hell hale. Yeah right, that seems like a very basic human right, all right? And now last, but seven fish in your bath if you think him least it's Mark Gagliardi. Hello Linguini lover. Where am I gonna get the best pizza in this damn town? Uh? Best pizza? And last, it depends on what you're looking for. If you want a Chicago style pizza, you go to Masa and Echo Park.

If you want a New York style pizza, you go to Pizza Bella, which is in the back of a liquor store at the corner of Hollywood and UH or Franklin and Highland. I realized that the back of a liquor store is a strange place to get a pizza, but it is wonderful pizza. There's also garage pizza, which is very good. My friend Jason Batton, who used to work with me at Pizza Bella, started that place. Uh. He has a big sign over the door that says we import our water from New York. He does not

import his water from New York. But people go there because there is a sign that says that he imports his water from New York. But it is a fantastic pizza pizza. I can't believe, you know, garage pizza. Garage pizza is fantastic. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, the the misnomber of the the New York style pizza being best only in New York because of the water there. Jamie and I got to see the original owner and operator

of Joe's Pizza in New York. Um. He now has several locations in Los Angeles because he moved to Los Angeles, his first one being in Santa Monica. It's still there, I think on Broadway around second and Um. Jamie asked him, so do you import the water from New York? And he said, I used sent him on a of water. What's the matter with you? What this is not the water, It's not the word. Yeah, he was not affecting of voice. He's actually from Italy. So here we go. Let's do it,

m show shout. We all of our scene suggestions gather from your listener emails or from our patron v I ps to become a patron supporter of the show and Joe exclusive content like standalone bonus scenes, video of our Zoom recording sessions, or at the highest level of alcomniac, you could be like two of our alcomniacs who are joining us in zoom right now. That's right. You can

come and hang out in the Zoom. There's a little meet and greet beforehand and at the conclusion, and otherwise you're just hanging with us as two are, and that would be Mr Prado and Ms Ashley Um. We're hanging up with us today. Head don't know what the patron dot com slash Alchemy there. If you'd like to suggest a scene suggestion via email, please do so all. I love to read them, Chris loves to log them. I think, head on over to uh write us at alchemy this

email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy. This email seen one comes to patron v I P. Courtney R. Who wrote, hey there, Kevin Um or whomsoever reads this on the air. Now there's no air. You guys rock keep kicking ass and making laughs. By the way, my favorite Kings English spelling of the word favorite part of being a patron member is the alcaminnis. Thank you James Heeny for creating that universe um and continuing to do so. Just imagine a distilled third of an episode with all the usual laughs.

You can imagine how that alone is worth the price of a cup of coffee. Oh that's very very sweet of you, Courtney. Are on the meat of the onto the meat of the mail. My scene suggestion is the welcome wagon. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and big big love from the UK. Courtney will who neu. I'm so nervous, so nervous. I'm excited and nervous. I'm excited and nervous. I could be both at the same time. And excited ner I'm excited and hungry.

I'm so hungry when I'm so excited, I'm so so hungry. But I think I'm gonna go I think I'm gonna say welcome or like or you've arrived you love that. I'm gonna say hey there, everybody, Hey there. Maybe get like, I don't know, meatballs on Texas toast. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to say welcome. You're gonna go hey there, Oh, this is god, this is scog and then we're gonna let them know

how stringent this program really is. We have rules, we have protocols, and if they break them, they will break them them. That's good, but that's why he came here. Welcome there, this is my printed I'll receipt, and there's a barcode at the bottom. I'm jacky, I'll take that. Oh my god. Actually, we have rules here, and if you break them, we break you. Oh wow, this is this is serious, I guess y retreat. Oh, you've agreed to not consume anything but water and the food that

we provide you, which is mostly okay. Now, I'm going to get into shape by the end of this. That's up to you. That's up to you. We will be having meatballs on Texas toast. That is not for you. That's a little bit of what I like to call temptation temptation Island. Welcome to temptation Island. When we welcome there into that pen and wait around with the other piggies. Okay, what's most important to us is that you come out of here stronger in the mind. Your body means nothing

to us, but your brain means everything to us. I paid to have my body chiseled into better shape. You're right. Let me just be honest. Then I did. I did bring some boost with me. I didn't think that that had calories in it. Okay, yeah, again, dry, I didn't know. I didn't know. Okay, we have to give you a nickname before you enter the pen. I'm gonna call you um slops, perfect slops. So what nickname did they give you? Razor? Razor? Yeah, they gave me razor. When why do you think that

that one? Probably because I'm sharp. You know, usually the term is sharp as attacks, so you I would think attack, But Razor, did you shave when you were there? Uh? I didn't do. I look like I've got some stubble. No, you look like you don't have stubble, which is making me think you shape while you were there. Oh? Um, okay, because you don't believe racers and they call me slops. Okay, I got the nickname below, honey, not slops. Okay, Okay, So that one went well. I think this next one

I'm gonna be less, less, joyful, more not stirred. I don't want to be mean your business off the top, business off the top, but then maybe joyful at the end, little at the end, and they feel good about being here for an entire fifteen days. Hi, hello, hello, hello, Hi. I have a piece of paper with a barcode on the bottom. I'll take that. Uh oh okay, um, well my my name's my name is Dave. Um not anymore. Dave. Let me you that we have rules here and if

you break the rules, will break you. This This is a this is an aggressive way to begin a retreat. Well that's how we decided to do it this time. And no, I don't know if it's a misstep. I mean you, you've been doing the ear wasay, sir, right, and look at you and at you And I didn't even want to I didn't even want to come. My kids made me come. I didn't even want to be here. And and it's already starting off with such hostility. You know what, I think I'm gonna go. I think I'm

gonna go. No, No, let's me lay eyes on you. You can't leave that's one. That's one of the rules. What what None of this was in the website. Third rule is if I can lass at you, keep you here, I go. Why don't you name him? Why don't you don't give him a nickname before I sent him into the pens. Absolutely, I'm going to call him cheeks cheeks. Hi. Checking in my barcodes on my phone. Welcome, you need scor no no no, Um your shirts off and I could see your six pack. Um, yeah, Sin is glowing.

You look extremely hydrated. I'm one of the instructors. Oh my gosh, and you guys are a couple of piggies, a couple of little piggies getting the pig pan. O. What do you mean? You know what I mean stuff because it's temptation for everyone else. I mean, we are hearing is on, going, going, going, going. Look my cereal bowl of cook right. Your name is Wilbur. Your name is Wilbur, and your name is sal. I'm sucking with you, guys. Oh my god, wait, oh my god. So you don't

work here. No, I do work here. I was working with you when I said again in the pig pen. Okay, you've really messed with our mentals, and now I feel weak. Did Jerry send you? I mean, what what? What's this text? Jerry? I thought he owned this establishment. I'm Jerry, Guys, I'm oh my god, Jerry, you're a couple of little piggiest piggies in the Jerry, please, my kids sent me here for a fifteen day retreating. It's been three years. I haven't seen the light of day. I I don't, I don't.

I've withered away to nearly nothing. I've cleaned everything you have to clean. I've I've buffed every every inch of your car. I don't know what else I can do to get to leave this place. Jerry, please, Okay, I heard that as snort, snort, snort. I'm not a pig. I'm a human. Jerry. Let me let me see your abs. I mean, if I lift up my shirt, you can actually see my heart beating. Okay, I have no muscle power left, so you won't see abs. But if I if I suck in my breath really hard, you you

can see my individual vertebrae. Do you think you're ready to go home? I'm so. I've been ready to go home for two years, three hundred and fifty days. Well, um, hello, Hi, did you need to talk to Ashley? I'm I'm her boyfriend. Do you did you need something here? Can't keep it down? Did you need something? You're my wife? Was a Oh my gosh, this is weird. Hi, Okay, yeah, I'm a story I was told was your kids sent you away to a piggy camp and then you pick that you

became an actual pig. So I met actually at church and now we have sex every day. I just want to see my family, sir. I can see Why is your shirt moving? Because you can see my heart through my shirt and my skin. I'm who's at the door? Oh my god, Oh my god? Is that my Brian? Is that my little Brian? Brian? Come here, someone's here for you. Hi, Hi, Brian, It's it's Oh my god, it's me your dad, It's it's it's not it's Jack. I'm not Jack Skellington. No, No, my name is Cheeks.

He's gone. He's gone. Um look, man, I don't know what to say to you. Son of a you, son of a bitch. We're doing the right thing with these camps, right, I'm not seen. Scene two comes from patron Alcmaniac Kevin Product who wrote way back in February, how about it's Valentine's Day Eve and the chocolate bandit is up to no good? Audios. Well, listen, I made reservations at a restaurant, as I do every year. I got you flowers. I

got you a heart shaped box of candy. I don't know what else it is I can do hunt you. You know, every year it's a fucking disappointment. And every year I think I'm gonna get it right this year, and I suck at this. So can we not fall for this holiday made up by the Hallmark organization? I love? Well, it's like I'm talking to myself. Well, you're talking to your wife and her sister. So if she's not going to speak up, I will. Why don't you not? Why don't you not be one of those guys that says

it's made up by Hallmark? You know what I mean? And just use this day as a day to just thrust and spray and splush love all upon your wife. Okay, Well, I'm all about the thrust thing and this s in this playing, especially this playing. Um, but why only once a year? Why not once a month? Great question? Now I could let your wife speak for herself. She wants to h Darling. Nope, she's not ready and that's her choice. Now, you didn't just marry her, you married into the family.

And you know we have three sisters. So I'm gonna call out team and out Tina. Tina has a couple of words on her thoughts on Valentine's Day, Right, Tina, you want to talk to me about Valentine's Day? I mean, I don't now he thinks that it's a it's a it's a fake holiday made up by a big corporation. Really, like saying Valentine didn't even exist, like he's not the patron, saying of love, like Cuban doesn't wields an arrow, Like

all of that isn't true. Let's not even talk about the Valentine's Day bunny who drops off chocolates at everyone's doorstep. That's the bunny. That's the bunny I want to talk about. Yeah, yeah, I can't seem to get this chocolate thing right. Well, I can give you one hint. If you don't believe in the chocolate laying funny, it won't come. Sure, But is there a difference between like say, Whitman's Sampler and Russell. That's that's your wife. You know what, are you gonna

say it? Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I am really upset. I thought that you'd be able to turn this holiday around. Do you remember the last time you got me chocolate? Charles? Um, yes, I do remember. It was just and I presented it to you and I said, Charles chocolate. Yeah. It was Christmas. It was an advent calendar and it was filled with catshit. Now it ended up looking like cat shit. I don't know if it's no, no, no ship sold I don't know. But this was supposed

to be a big day. It's Valentine's Day, and you're not even gonna make up for the I'm gonna let my sister's hand. No no, no, no, honey, honey, States Stays Stays. Talk to me, listen. I'm I'm sorry that I can't get behind this annual fucking celebration of nonsense. I love you every single day of the year. If you need me to prove it more often, I'm also down with that. I just don't want to give into big business and big corporations. That's all. That's all I'm fighting.

You don't want to you don't want to give into big business. And you buy your toilet paper? Where do you where do you buy? Where do you buy all your food? And how about those those clothes you're where your clothes that you're fully closed? Sir? Did you make that yourself? Did you make that camera outside? Is that the first of all? That's camera? Don't you talk badly about that? Okay, listen, Charles, today is Valentine's Day eve. That means you have a handful of hours to make

this right. Yes, so thanks for getting to me early to make sure I didn't funk it up yet Again, that's appreciated in the pool. We will be in the pool, of course, so you are a last minute too, huh yeah? Yeah. I mean why does CVS even sell Valentine's Day Ship? I know, I know it's a made up They always know, they always they know when it is. They know everything CVS no everything. I mean, have you seen the Russell Stover ever go over? Well? How are they in business?

I don't know. There's a Whitman sampler. How is Russell Stover still in business? Heart shaped box? Did you ever last minute? Or Russell Stover? I mean, there's no quicker way to break up any relationship. You guys need help find anything? Yes, yes we do. Thank you. If anything we have is on the shelves, that that is your help. That is the help. Yeah, yeah, I mean whatever what you see is what you get. Can you help me behind the lock and key so I can get some

advl PM about that? Scott, Um, I have to get a manager. You don't have a key, um not to the aville. How long have you worked for Scott? Scott? How long have you worked just a second, Scott, answer me seven years? Seven years? And at what point do you think they're going to give you a key? Um m from now? Yeah? I I caught a bust with three transfers while you thought about your answer. Okay, a Valentine's Day present. No, I needed to talk to you. Excuse me, you the Easter Bundy. I got some words

for you of of the volatized day chocolate Bunny. You you're messing all all night. You're messing up all my all, your what, all your fucking what what am I messing up for you? You come days in advance of me, days months even. You are John the Baptist to my Christ. You know that you are the You are the herald of what of chocolate to come. That's what you are. You know what people don't write. You know whose la People don't sit on the chocolate Bunny. That's whose laugh

they don't sit on. You know why? You know who they wanting to see. They're wanting to see Cupid on Valentine's Day, not the chocolate Bunny. A second tier and that's why we're kicking you out. I'm second tier because of you, because you've stole my whole thing. I've been here for the very beginning and you didn't come here until after Jesus died. I've been here BC baby, So technically the whole bunny thing is mine. The bunny thing

is yours. The chocolate Bunny free dates, Christianity, free dates, sake Valentine's Day. Oh hi, Charles, I'm sorry about earlier when me and my sisters were getting on you. I just got out of your pool. Do you have a you have a towel because right now I have no towel on it. You came down to the pool without a towel. Yeah. Hey, I know we're hard on you, just you know, I want what's best for my sister. Are we gonna again. Is that what this is about.

That's what I would like to happen. That's what I was hoping what happened? And you know, I just put that I put on a show. I put on a show. Yeah you do, and it's a great show. And I don't know why we yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, So stay in the pool. I'm gonna go get my suit and then we're gonna do pool sex. Tina's still in there, so can we pretend like we're wrestling or something and do that? Okay, let's Tina cannonball. I was trying to keep my hair dry. Why it looks so cute when

it's wet. I know, but the chlorine is bad for my color, and I need I need this amber to stay. I know you do, You're like really needed to stay. I really do, because me as my original blonde. It's dusty and I just look like a little sad mouse and I want the dust fire. The phone is for Tina. The phone is for Tina. I'll tell hey, Tina, there's a phone call for you, apparently on that on the landline in the house. Oh no, yeah, I brought you a towel if you wanted to just go get the phone. Mmm.

I have this kind of thing where I'm like, no phones on weekends. You know what I mean? If you need business hours because I don't have a job, so I need something to do during the week days. Right, Well, it might be a job on the phone. But if it's she doesn't need the phone, and we could just wrestle, but it wouldn't be weird. Scott. Can you come here for a second. Yeah, I have a seat in this chair, Yes, Scott, in this chair, Scott, I'm getting Oh. I just couldn't

keep it off of my face, could i? Scott? You waited seven years in an additional eight and there it was the day cool. But first you must answer these questions. Three. Okay, I'm gonna place this box right in front of you. The keys to the advil PM are in this box. Scott. Okay. Your first question, if a customer comes in and can't find what they're looking for, what do you do? And

Thomas on the shelves. That's the correct answer. Your second question, if it's not on the shelves and they still want it, what do you do? They say, how good you have a manager, but they never do That's the correct answer, Scott. The third question, Scott, what's your biggest dream to print the longest receipt of all time? You know what, Scott, this key is yours. It's inside this box, and I will give you this box in eight years. What but you hold onto this case, Scott, Oh, so tell me

all about it. What did Charles do for you last night? Well? Um, the truth, he really was. I don't know. It seems like he was glowing at the beginning of the night. He just radiated like we were it kind of like he usually does after we had sex a long time ago. God, those were the days. But then he fell asleep pretty promptly. So that's why I'm packing all of my things. I think I need to move in with you and Tina. That's a good idea. I think it's a great idea.

That's a great idea. Yeah, for sure, that's a good idea. We do have another roommate, though, you do. It's not just me and Tina. Well, I don't I know about this well, because some people treat it's a little different, Lee, But it loves us just as much as we love it. You know what, I'll stop beating around the bush. This is chocolate Bunny. Hi, Chalco Bunny, This is my sister. It's so nice to me. I can see the resemblance.

You all look so much alike. Oh my god, my husband was right about what it is a knockoff holiday. Look at her. You're supposed to be. You're supposed to be the chocolate barring from Valentine's. Yeah, the chocolate buddy from Valentines. I have polka dot patches on my hip and elbow. I have a peak, fuffy screen generic and I'm looking for name brand. You know you see that car outside? Um, yeah, it's and it's special. You know it's name brand. It's name brand, and you you're They

should have come up with something different. You know what name brand is Santa? What named brand does Santa? Christmas? Bitch Christmas? Don't don't hurt you're wrestling me. You're biting the chocolate are delicious? Hi on what can I find neo sporn? You know sporing? Yeah? Where can you find it? Yeah? Um, I'll four if we have it. If we don't, then nowhere. M hmm. What time do you get off? Never? I'm always here, but if I don't leave, um, I mean

technically we're open, so we can't do anything about it. Okay, okay, yeah, m hmmm, I guess let this walk around. Then I'll see you a little bit. Um, if you need any of the good chocolate, we have an under lock and key. Now that is seen too. Scene three comes from listener Katie, who wrote, I love you also very much? Is it weird when people say that? I'll leave some space for your response. Um, do we think it's weird when the listeners say they love us? I don't think that's weird.

I think it's incredible. I love it. Yeah. I mean we should start naming the ones we love individually. Blanket. I think a blanket we love you all two is kind of instantly horseshit I recognizably is she goes on. Okay, my suggestion is a rule I remember from preschool. You know what. I'm sorry, I said she I don't know what Katie identifies as Katie goes on. Okay, my suggestion is a rule I remember from preschool. No sharing snacks

unless you brought enough for everyone. Sincerely, Katie in Sacramento, California. What do you What are you eating for lunch today? Human? But of course right we eat human for lunch every day, right, But I mean, is there a lunch pail or something that you could open up and we could maybe share or swap some items. Oh, here we go. You didn't pack a very good lunch today, and you want to trade? I mean I don't. I don't pack it. My mom does, so I'm always looking a get rid of it. Well,

let's see what I have in mind. I mean, what kind of trades are we talking here? Whatever you want to maybe get rid of. Let's see what's in here? Oh my god, I got a construction worker in here. Looks pretty good, you know. Still are they still wearing their hard hat? They're still wearing their hard hat? Yeah, yeah, but you can take it off. It's you know, like you don't eat the peel on a banana or you know, and not normally. But um, once I did so. Um

what else? I got a construction worker? I have? I have a pair of teachers. They share a class They used to share a classroom together, you know, before they climbed up here and everything. You know, Curiosity gets the better of everybody. I guess, yeah, I might want to swap for one of the teachers. What do you have in yours. Yeah, I got a balloony sand much and apple slices. You've got a bologna sandwich and apple slices. Yeah, it's so exotic, isn't Yeah it sounds good. Let me

take a look. I mean they're teeny tiny slices already brown. No, no, no, what what? What? What? What? What? What? We weren't doing any what? What? Oh? You weren't doing anything. No, we weren't doing anything. It's just we're just having our lunch. Do I need to point out the rules of Mountaintop Elementary to YouTube? Right? Yes, all of them read it to us. I'm not I don't work for you. I'm

the teacher here. Okay, yeah, Mrs Cresterton my favorite student. Yes, actually verify that these little giants, we're trying to share snacks and they didn't offer me anything. And you know I got a big football game later. I need the fuel. He needs the fuel, These little and these little giants no better. Number four states no sharing snacks. Read it with me, you or everyone? Yeah, football head, you want

some stitches to go with that snack? Yeah, you can take what you think, baby, lineout principle, it's a principle. Oh no, Oh he's I think he's just walking by. Oh no, he's coming in. He's coming in, he's coming in. He's here. Hello children. For somebody sharing snacks without bringing enough for everyone? I mean no truth. I mean I I just had my lunch. If there's a bloomy sandwich and apple slices and everything, is this a human child? Biggest human child? It was hard to determine the difference

between a little giant and a big human child? Big human child. I was told I was big for my age, but you are big for your age. Would you like an apple slice? Sir? Apple slice? For what floss? Am? I? Right? Principal, Harry, I brought an give me a pound, you're a kiss ass, Principle. Perhaps we could have a a parent conference with this child's parents to see whether or not he is human or a little giant. Well that's fine, okay, but I've got to go to my office to see my sketching.

So what was the first day like in this exchange program? I mean, you don't seem like you had a very good day at school, sweetheart. It's not that I didn't have a good day, It's that I didn't understand most of everything, and I don't think I was looked at as an equal or I belong. And also, I'm sure you're jill self conscious about it. You're going to have to learn a lot about a new culture. We start with the apple slices. Please, I think if I'm gonna

fit in, you need to put your back into it. Really. Yeah, but instead of phoning in packing my lunch, well, I thought that it was good. And I know you're busy, and I know you have a lot of responsibilities what with me as an only child, and you know you work at home, but maybe you could start quote unquote kicking some ass. I mean, that's not the way that we do it here at the Feldman's house. We're kind can I also ask how much longer will be at the feldman So let me get this straight, big kid,

you're part of an exchange program. Are you telling me there's a lot of big people like you that live somewhere else? I find that very hard to believe, right, classmates, Yeah, okay, Well, first of all, we live at the Feldman's. Oh you're back? Oh okay, Sorry, I got confused, Okay, because I thought the oh, never mind, it's it's him. Okay were you Yes, yes, yes, I'm big kid. I'm big kid. Now I have a name. I don't know what to call you. Monstro, Monstro, Montro.

Why is there ooze and guts stripping out of your lunch bag? Why is your lunch bag so big? Yeah, it's bigger than a house. Well, it's got to be that big to contain the humans I eat for lunch. What are humans for lunch? That's gross, that's illegal. Well, my cop, I didn't ask to be bust to this school. Okay, we're part of it. You signed up for the exchange program. Yeah, I guess so, but I didn't. I specifically didn't has

to be bust. Alright, fine, you're here. So what's one thing we could teach you about way we do things? And one thing you could teach us? What do you want to know about us? Oh? We could teach him the hokey pokey. Oh yeah, I love the hokey pokey. Watch the hokey pokey. It's a dance. It's really easy. Okay, you two are cute, you said at the same time. Shut up, God quit. It's really easy to put your right hand in okay o oh no, Monstro, I would

like to see the principle right now of this giant school. Okay, be careful to take me to the principal police. Okay, just give me one second. You'll know when he's coming. Un principle, we have, Um, it appears to be a piste off human who wants to speak to you. Get ready for this. It's pretty wild to me. I'm used to it because I'm also big. I'm a teacher here, so you can come right in. Oh, okay, you can just head it, head up. I'm just just right around

the corner, yep. Okay, um, but but let me let me quickly. I gotta run down the hall and use the use the bathroom first. See that that is that's pretty char That is pretty hope. He's back, he's big. Okay. That that was the fastest I've moved in years. Ah, you must be the problem. You must be the human mother father, father, father. It doesn't matter, though, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Listen, we don't have here in giant land, thank god, because I would like to not be compared

to giants. All right, it doesn't matter. I want you to start treating my kid with respect. I caught my child sneaking back into the other school because they didn't feel accepted here. Really, well, look, I'll have you know that my own son, Monstrou is part of the exchange program. Uh, here's a here's a picture. He doesn't he doesn't fit in the frame. That's just a picture of a Torso that's that's a portion of my son. So I can I can identify now. I guess what you could do

is help me out as a dad. How can I prepare my kid to fit in? I brought I sent apple slices in Bologna, and all of a sudden, I'm a bad guy. I will working dad. So I understand you're staying with the Feldman's. They're really kind there awkward, I don't. I don't know how long we're gonna be there. They're they're big donors to the Giant School. So um, they have both human and giant blood. So you know that they're a big part of of doing this exchange.

I thought they were just tall, but that makes sense. Well, if if your trial brings apple slices, it's got to be enough to share with the entire classroom full of little giants, and they would take an orchard. Well, O, Hey Brian. Heidi, Um, that was really cool doing the hokey pokey earlier. Um, just real quick, I know you too, or like whatever? But um, Heidi, Monstro wants to know if you want to go to the dance with him? What what Heidi's Heidi's micro? Where's monster to talk to him?

Right now? Hold on, hold on, calm yourself, cool man, what do you think? What do you think you're gonna do? Too? Monstro? Also, what about Heidi's choices? Heidi? Um, yeah, I am well it's interesting because I really like your personality and I've known you for way longer. Did she answer you? I want to go to the dance and put my whole self and my show. You just you just stepped in Heidi. O peel her off of my boot. I'm so sorry, Hid, I understand. Oh man, Now I can't go to the

dance at all. My limbs are flattened like pancakes. Talk. What are you gonna do with that rock? What do you think you're gonna do with that rush? Quiet? He's not looking. Give me a sling shot? What give me your sling shot? It's yeah, all right here it is. Thanks. Let me inflate you again, Heidi, my first kiss. That's our show. Wow, that is the sweetest and saddest first kiss I've ever heard. Yeah, sweetest and sadness. Um, let's see, should we This is the normal time we say goodbye,

but I'm wondering. As a special gift to the Alca maniacs, I think we have one left, we invite Kevin Prato into the zoom for the goodbyes. The problem is that recording the recording. Yeah, it up, he's not in the zen caster. Sorry, Kevin, hold hold your horses. Damn it, I never remember how this works. Yeah. That really was a sweet, silly, funnier though. Um. All right, we'll start our thanks with James, since he was so very kind to point out once again how I ruin everything. You

don't ruin anything, Kevin. You give it a little special flare. I think there's just enough time if you go online to west Side Comedy dot com and buy your tickets to see Alchemy This Live. It's on Sunday, April third. I know I had it right. It's the Sunday eight pm. Come check it out. We're gonna record live. We'd love

you to be there. Uh yeah, go to the website if you can in time and check, because I think we're on earlier than eight o'clock because we insisted on going on before the stand up show, and I think April's when we start doing that, so but you'll you'll know that. And thank you for the plug, James. That's very hopeful. Mark Gagliardi, Yeah, man, thanks for having me. You guys are so fun. Uh, this was a delight. Listen we got this. Yeah, we got this with Mark

and hell please listen to that podcast. And Mark, you were at one of the live shows, in fact, the last one at the stage there at the West Comedy Theater. You can tell the folks just how damn fun it is, y'all. It is such a delight. It is in beautiful Santa Monica, California. It's a beautiful theater. Everyone that works there and attends the shows is beautiful. And when you come see the show, you will be beautiful too, not that you aren't already,

but you'll be even more deluxe beautiful. And the bonuses you get to enter through the urine soaked alley. That's true, the beautiful urine soaked alley. Yeah, that right there in Santa Montica, thank you Mark, first of all, Toronto. Yeah, you know, speaking of that show, I was, I was just looking around our Patreon page and I came across the video that James posted and I watched a few minutes of it. Really funny, dio. Mark cracked me up when you called in Batman into into the office because

he was moonlighting as a therapist. You had to be there, or if you're a Patreon member, you can go watch it right now. Is that right, James, that's absolutely right. We're all on stays, Caroline, Conner and Mark and it's a it's a good time. Was It was fun to watch that video. Thanks for doing that, James. And also um Kevin Prado, like Kevin Pollock, I'm with you. That would have been a cool idea to have him in at the end. And I wouldn't have remember the zen

Caster audio situation either. So I'll just say thanks againing Kevin Proddo for being here, for being a supporter, of being a friend, perfect, Thank you, uh an O, g Alcmaniac, Jackie Gonzalez to Ruth Yo yo, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. It's always very fun and very silly and Uh, I like. I like being here. It makes me happy for the rest of my day. Well, thank you, And where might folks find you? I'm not Jackie to Ruthy on Instagram and

I'll post things there of shows and stuff. Well see, and I'm I'm tricky on too. When this, you know, when we record, it's a little different than when it airs, usually a week. Yeah, you're so in advance. Well, if you went to to a live show last week and saw me. Thanks, Um. I can't think of anything in the in the future future, just this weekend. It's well, you're officially invited to join us April three if you'd like. Oh,

no pressure, just the invite, just float that. Yeah, I know I need someone to sit in for me because I'll be in New York. But we'll talk about this off the camera and recording device. Yeah, she likes it. I mean, hey, Mikey, she likes it. Uh, James Ceney, I thank you. I think I thanked everyone. Yeah, sweet, um, let's thank you. Mr Doug Bane, the engineering producer to the start. I heart Media. I'm your host. Kevin pobably remind me to please be kind to each other. Go

out of your way. If you can let somebody know it's okay, it's gonna be okay, or it was okay. I tell everyone you've ever known all about us until next time.