Welcome back to another episode of Give Me This. I'm your guest, Pull Stratton in for KP. Let's meet everybody. The First up, it's Mark Gagliardi. Hey good, What celeb did you idolize growing up? Who are you like? Super into as kid? As a kid? I was super into I know I've mentioned this on the show before Elvis. I was obsessed with Elvis as a kid. I grew up in Tennessee. My mom lived had lived down the street from Elvis and had had knew him and had
met him several times. I owned jumpsuits um as, and one of my jumpsuits got too small for me, so my mom cut the satin pants part of the jumpsuit off and I just had an Elvis jumpsuit from the waist up that I wore as it. I was like porky pigging it. I wore it like a jacket with uh with jeans. Um Yeah, I was. I was very Elvis obsessed and glad I asked that question. Next up, it's Jackie gazalas Jackie. There's kind of a theme to all this. Was there a toy you coveted as a kid.
It's like that that one toy you really wanted, but either you didn't get or you just finally got after a lot of lobbying. I really wanted a doodle bear. And do you guys remember doodle bears. It was a teddy bear and it came in either like pink or purple or blue, and it almost looked like it was made out of denim, and it came with a pen and you could doodle on this bear and like design it and drawn it. And I was I really liked drawing as a kid, and I really wanted a doodle bear.
And I asked Santa for a few years and I finally got it. But I didn't like petition my parents. You mean, it's like I asked Santa and he didn't bring it, so okay, Like I didn't petitioned my parents. I felt very and I don't know why no one made me feel this way, but I felt very guilty having my parents spend money on me, and so I
didn't like. We'd go to the toy store and like my rich stepfather would be like, you can pick any toy you want, and I'd be like, no, no, I'm okay, and he's like, Jackie, go pick a toy, and I'm like, no, no, really, I'm fine, Like Jackie, just go pick a Barbie, Okay, you know you want one, and I have to like be coaxed, you know. It's like, you're right, I do want I do want one. But I felt bad. You should mention this to your therapist. You're worth it. I'm
worth the doodle bear. So I petitioned Santa because I was like, I don't you know, he doesn't pay for it, he makes it. Well, maybe we get listeners to send you a bunch of doodle bears. See how many of you can get. I got one, though eventually more bears were twenty funny two. Next up, it's a tool saying that's all. What was like the first concert you went to? Remember this very clearly. It was Bush, you know, uh, Kevin Kevin Newsom, but it was that's the character Kevin um. Yeah.
It was standing room only, like a three room, a lot of mosh pit activity. It's all very I remember taking my shirt off. I was like, what am I doing? Uh? But that burdens and I and I served for the first time. Uh. So it did it all in the first first trip. Whoa, I'm not a concert guy though, So I never felt like I deserved concerts. You should talk about that with your well, I mean, no one
deserves Bush so actually still love them. So there you go. Uh, last, but not least, Craig Kaikowski, Craig A fire trucks come to get you. Did you have movie posters on your wall as a kid and what were they? Hell? Yes, I did, uh And they were Star Wars and the Muppet Movie and I'm trying to repeace together my my room and I had kind of a jungle theme going on, so there was more like, uh like Elvis, like Elvis exactly, so that those are the big ones that I remember.
So it's the the original Star Wars with like all nine main characters like Luke with a lightsaber drawn and uh, and then the Muppet Movie with the nine main characters all right of it. Yeah, Like the room that I was in had like strawberry wallpaper or something like we moved in there, so it's like I gotta cover this ship up. So like I used to go to the local video store, which is Blue Hair and Video and Davis, and they would just like giveaway posters and I would
just take them on just plaster everything over. So I had some weird ones just because they were covering up the things like Nadine with Jeff Bridges and Kimbition that was on my wall as a kid, you had Nadine on your wall. I did, amongst other every kid love that movie. Get Shorty, very informative question. Yeah, give you a credit. I learned so much about everybody. I have three of those giant cardboard stands that they give out like to promote stuff at the video stores. I had
as a kid. Of course, I had broadcast News, Uh, Willow and Dirty Dancing. Those are the three that I had. We had one of those in my basement and it was the Ellen Degenerous movie Mr Wrong. Oh. We had a giant cardboard Ellen Degenerous and Bill Pullman on their wedding day. That the movie. Yeah, the cardboard stand. Yeah, our our video store to the same thing. You think, I don't love you enough to break my own finger? That's yeah? What a film? What a film? Let's do
a damn show I did. I quoted the trailer from The Strong. You don't have to quote the movie. That's the trailer. As a lot of the trailers, all you need to know. Let's do a damn show, shall we. All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon va p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head on over to Patreon dot com
slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the podcast at alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's com a lot of anger and Greg's your just precise diction. Scene one is from Alchemy v I P. Thomas Lawson, who wrote, Hello, League of Extraordinary Alchemists. I just have a suggestion the U. S. Military and the Department of Education swap budgets. M hmm, all right, you you get a maclaptop, and you get
a maclaptop, and you get a Mac. Everyone in this room, well thanks Mr Henderson. Yeah, thanks Charlie. We're gonna be doing some fun stuff in this class from now on, all right, no more or should we say tanks? Mr Henderson, No, there's tanks outside the wind getting that film. WHOA cool? We're gonna be painted in our school colors. We're gonna be teaching how to drive in tanks. Uh, so you'll be getting your permit via tanks and you're also going to be learning how to fly a jet plane. UM,
all right that Stacy, Do you have a question. I just can't believe I'm allowed to fly a jet plane because, let me tell you, that's been my reap. I said, the big planes in the air, and I say, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get me in one of those and put me in charge. Yeah, Stacy, I love that to to do. Uh and and go to spirit. I can do it. I bet you put me in there right now, and I'll think it to the moon. Baby. Well we're gonna learn. We're gonna learn first, all right, all right, but I bet you I can
do it. I mean just saying to believe in yourself and you can do anything. Super stars. Mr Henderson, Mr Henderson, Does this mean now that we have all this money? Does this mean that when you aren't able to be here, our substitute teacher will show us movies in that giant screening room with DTS Delby surrounds sound at the five point do'llby surrounds sound. That's absolutely right. Somebody saw the theater already. UM I heard that. We get releases beforehand,
we get um like pre screens for upcoming movies. That's what's just what I heard. These rumors are all true. There's really no limit to what we are going to be privy to. Alright, Hey, Mr Henderson, I walked, I walked past a door that said cadaver lab. What's that? Okay, your your bo your bio class is going to be changed, all right, and now instead of dissecting frogs, instead of dissecting any other kind of small pig or something, Um,
you're gonna get human cadavers. Uh WHOA cool? Yeah, so we're gonna be learning anatomy of the body and uh I things for changing. You're gonna be the smartest generation we've ever had because you're gonna have access to everything. Alright, soldiers falling, We've got a gun. We're gonna have to take turns with the gun. But sir, we're taking fire right now. I know. But we've got just the one. Uh, you know, you've got to make the best dude. Alright, Well,
he called dips. He's got it. Can we bring some from home? Can we bring our own ammunition and whatnot? Yeah, I've heard people have put out go fund me. Maybe you can put a go fund me up to get more supplies. Good idea, it's a good idea. Hey, Serge, I got two of them. But here's the gunback. It's all out of bullets. All right. Well, we're just gonna have to wait this out. We're not getting any until the next fiscal quarter. So uh, this is quarter of Q one, so in Q two we should be able
to get some more ammunition. M So we just we just sit sit here in in this in this warehouse, just just wait. Yep. As you know, soldiers are the real heroes. So we're just gonna wait here until we get those things. I like that go fund me idea. All right, well we can try that. Does anybody know how to do that or have a computer to do it on? No? Might might know that My friends in the private Army, and he says, they have all kinds of what and I'd love to be in the private
Who's doing that? What's happening there? Mr Musk is private army. Mr Musks is private army. Oh no, it's hard to say. Mr Musk is Mr Musk's private Armies, private Army. I didn't realize I thought that. I thought that, you know, there's the one. You know, most people can't afford to join the private army. Okay, so we're just gonna have to do our best to get you soldiers across the line and be efficient, you know, yeah for sure. Well I've got other skills. I can do a triple back
handspring and a full talk. Okay, good, you know, write that down. That's the last piece of paper we have, so real small What did what did everyone ring for lunch? Okay, I guess I'm the only with skills. Uh, I've got I've got a go gurt. I have a go gurt and I have a tapioga. Interesting, I brought a lunchable. I forgot to bring my lunch Do you want some of them? Do you want some of the bologny from my lunchable? Um? Yeah, yea lonely lunchable. Yeah. Look what
the private army can afford? The Turkey lunchables. Yeah, we get the bologny ones. They even had those pizza lunchables. Serge heard about those? Yes, sir, are we gonna lose this war? Well, listen, we defunded the army because all they did was sit around and talk about snacks. Um. Yes, Senator I just have a question for you for defend defunding the army. How do you expect us to do our job? Well, you, as a reporter, I expect to still do your job. You can investigate things, you can
ask questions and whatnot. Yes, I am expecting you to still be do your job. Yes, that's absolutely correct, and we will do our job. But could you help us do our job by explaining why exactly you you know where the money went where it went? Yeah, absolutely, so we redirected the funds into the public schooling of the United States. Question Senator, senator, question question Senator Senator Yes, um uh Mike Mike Uh, Mike shot a shot face
from the Financial Times. We're just we're just curious over here. Why did you require that? I understand that you traded the budgets, but why is it that you required the schools to still purchase military equipment. Well, it's not so much that we've required them to purchase new ones, so much as we had military equipment hanging around, uh, that the Army could no longer afford to upkeep, and so it was kind of just grandfathered in with so the budgets.
The budgets were traded, but then they were also given additional Grandfather military equipment. Is that what's happening right because of the additional money that it could for upkeep which can no longer be serviced by the army. Now at the public schools, Yeah, there's a bunch of blackhawks landing on the Capitol lawn right now. I think it's two kids on a field trip. Okay, Yeah, and the kids
are learning fast, and uh, it's kind of interesting. We didn't expect this, but now it looks like the trajectory of this swapping program will be almost a melding of swords, almost like we're militarizing the children, which was not the intention, though I do see that as the shot face. I want to hear from shot face when you said, Mike,
shot face from Financial Times Win. We know, Mike, when you get all the questions when you said, hey, hey, shot face, shot face shoots shot face scores Okay, when you said when you said that this was not that, this was not the intention to militarize elementary schools, why did you wink so vehemently? Exactly were you winking at? Uh? You know, sometimes when you're a woman, you wear mascara, and sometimes that mascaro falls into your eyes and then you have to blink, and it looks like a wink,
and it certainly is not. See that looked like a wing. I'm gonna take this guy's question. Yes, yes, Senator, Hi, Tim skull punch punch. Uh Is it true that the first things that you cut or artillery and uh marksman lessons and you just added tons and tons of arts programs? Um are you saying for the army? Well, you cut that from the army and then you then you added arts programs for both the kids and the army, which I thought was interesting. Uh. And the cat fancy readers
want to know more about this. Also, how many litter boxes do you have per cat? Unfortunately all my cats have passed. Uh. There was a very unfortunate accident having to do with turned on car in my garage. You're winking again? Why are you winking again? Senator? Hey Kwaski. Are are you getting to deployed to the Middle East tomorrow? Yeah? Yeah? Can I get it? Can I get a ride to the Middle East? Yeah? How are you getting there? My Mom's gonna take me. Can I get a ride? Yeah?
Of course, of course, did you finish your our project? Yeah, it's stupid. No, I want to see it. We're supposed to turn them in when we get there. I want to see it. Okay, well that's me. That's really good. Yeah, it's started yelling at me. Yeah, they're and you know because I I'm not in uniform, because uh, because I can't afford it. No, I get it, I get it. It's really good art. Though, it's really good art. Would
you do? I did a clay sculpture, but I didn't have much clay, so it's it's just a sculpture of a bullet. Oh yeah, man, I hope we can use it like real bullets, right and get to the Middle East. I'm worried, man. Alright, fellas were pinned in. All we have are these six dioramas, fifteen pipe cleaners and four Google eyes. We gotta bike two three Google eyes, search three Google down to three Google eyes. Oh no, we're doomed. Such what are we gonna do? When we kick to
hold of the Private Army they can help us. They're off doing some space thing with Mr Musk. I got an idea. How about how about you puppet a puppet show. We'll do a puppet show. You're going to say, called the kids. I like your idea. Better call the kids, call the kids, call the kids. But I like your idea. I like call the kids. They have to I like puppet show. Let's do the puppet show. Let's let's combine them. The puppet show will be the diversion to kill the
time until the kids can get here. We're gonna have to pull them out of the screening room where they're being shown the birds and their anatomy class. But if we get them here in time, I think we can win this. Well, I got I got a couple of socks, and we have three googly eyes. So I'll be I'll be Mr Jones. All right here, I'll tear my shirt and I'll make a curtain for the puppet show. Now we're thinking, now we're cooking, all right? What else? Oh, I'll take out my hair. We can't do that. Don't
do that. We can fashion a marrying it evening. The picture you out about to see is a presentation of nature's fear. All right, kids, alright, kids, I'm sorry to interrupt the movie, but uh, coming in on the feed. We've just gotten your orders. Pepperonia. No, sorry, kid, not your pizza orders for lunch today. I know that you all get your own individual pizza Hut pizza every day now, but you're kind of get white truffles on mine. Well,
your country needs you today. You're gonna have to put that white truffle pizza down because you kids are going on a field trip to the Middle East. Everybody, grab your backpack. Everybody, grab your mac book. Everybody, but hey, grab your M sixteen and hop into was huies that are waiting outside for you. Do they need their MacBooks? Look, I'm just the messenger here. Okay, how do I turn this screen up? Right? He's kids, You've heard him. I need all of you to be the best kid you
are today and do your service for education. All right, get your M sixteens. Everybody there. Hey, who's who's leaving the magazine? Who's leaving a magazine? Sorry, that's my copy of Cat Fancy. Yeah. Oh does that have that article on the Senate hearings? Yeah? And the one about the litter boxes. I mean you're flying with me, I'll take you on my plane. Yeah. Hell yeah, all right, we can read the magazine on the way. Buddy System everybody, buddy,
system to perplane, to perplane. I can't believe we're gonna win this gang. We're gonna do it. Oh no, Mrs Henderson, who knows? Oh, go ahead and say your last wishes? How does the birds? And we only got the Hitchcock prologue. I don't even know what happens the entire film. Let's see it. You're gonna see its son, you're not going anywhere. Who remembers their anatomy class? Who remembers how to take out a bullet? Sir? I was pretty good. And cadaver
lab get in here. He's gonna say, alright, have a have a sip of this high sea juice. Thank you, No, not you, the patient. The patient, don't take some too. If you're giving it out. There's plenty of high see the cooler this is. This is for for a little victim here. You're gonna be just fine. Keep talking, all right? That was fast, You're all up. You patch it up with a Google eye, so we add here in the field. Good to go, kids. Thanks, and that's our first scene.
Scene too is from listener Caitlyn Knight, who wrote, Hey, alchemists. This scene suggestion is inspired by my partner's real life fliction man who sneezes when he becomes aroused. You guys are the best, love Kate. You wanna you want to go into You're gonna get out of the living room, go into the bedroom. We can do it in the living room, but we just have to get Yeah, let's go to the Let's go to the bedroom. I mean, do you want to do it? Looks honey, Honey, stop talking.
I just want to Let's just listen to music. You can just grab me by the hand. You can just grab me by the hand and I'll like the comer. I won't um. You want you put on some music? What would you like to hear? Yeah? But not's amusing. Yeah, we just go to mind everything then everything. Then this is a song by Bush. Every I love Bush? Speaking of Bush? Should we take this to the bed? Honey? You are you were such a sweet talker. Yeah, you know what, Let's just let's just go to the bed.
All we can do it here. I don't, honey, at this point. Honestly, it's it's the temperatures going down. No, no, no, just cooling off, temperatures cooling off. Follow me, follow me, follow me, close your eyes, follow me, follow me, close my eyes. That temperatures going back? All right, this sorry, can turn off? Do you have anything? No? No, off, not up? Sorry sorry, sorry, my hand slipped on my my phone. Alright. Oh here we are in the bedroom. Yeah,
I know where we are. I'm taking off. Oh no, honey, are you still are you still having that problem? It's not a problem. Let's look at as a as an opportunity. It is a problem, honey. It's a problem when it's temperature is going down. No, no, no, no, Look my temperature is going Uh no, I can tell your temperature is going up. But my when your temperature goes up, your nose goes off and my temp goes down. But you're so beautiful. Oh that one got all over me.
Oh God, Susan, it sounds like he's allergic to sex. I think that might be what it is, because I've had a mid a mid snee ease myself and I've had somebody sneeze at the very end, uh neither which one was particularly fun. But for it to be consistent, just and it's like every two seconds. That's not on you. I don't want you to start thinking it is on me though. Oh god, I know, but you're right, it's not. But I was worried about that, was like, is he allergic to me? Is he allergic to sex? Or is
he allergic to me? And is with your mental I guess I just have to find out by I don't know, tricking him into sleeping with someone else. Hey, good game of golf, guys. Hey, can I ask you fellows a question? Sure, A good game of golf. Great game of golf. Great. I mean you're putting. You're putting? Was I mean, how many puts did you have? Parts? That's amazing? Most most um, we really we really gulfed it up today as were
really golfed. I mean, like Charles, you're a driver, I mean so straight and sometimes took out the three wood. I was consistently straight. Fairways and greens, fairways and greens. And you're chipping, yeah, chipping chicken tippings were at it's at, you know, chippings. People forget to practice chipping it, but I don't. I don't what kind of wedge you using? I'm using a gap wig? Thank you, thank you, thank
you for asking. Yeah, the green you found the fairway in the green, you weren't in the rough very no, no, no, and hey, hey you were in the you were in the trap a few times. I was like, hey, get your flip flops. But you got out. Sure we head to the nineteen Yeah. Actually I wanted to touch you, guys, because I had a yeah, yeah, a great, great game of go up by the way god game. I felt like we were really striking the ball well, you know, and we had some skins out there too, so that's good.
No one took a mulligan today. Now mulligans and I don't remember mulligan. I think a couple of bogies, a couple of there's an eagle in albatross. I just hope that he's talking about it with someone, you know, with his friends like we do. I feel like, what a what a release that we get to really get into it with each other. Well, it's nice to just, you know, to just have someone in my life that I can talk to about the important things. And and you've always
been that for me, and I really appreciate that. And you're always that for me. Did I tell you I found a concerning mole? No, Well, you mean like a government spy or like a good game of tennis. Guys, good game of tennis. That was good canaan, but you know that's served deadvod Yeah. Yeah, I try to come in as soon as I hit the serve that's on first serves only, you know, but that you you know you'd in football once today, which I feel like you've
been working on. No, I've been trying to concentrate in my back one handed backhand. When did you change that? Who was I asleep for six on the fact that you had so many aces today? That was great, Thank you. I've been working, working, working, Hey, don't your top spin kick serve? Oh my god, I was hitting the ball around my shoulder. That was ridiculous. Remember when it was and then it was it that? Yeah, I mean we never got back to love. But can I can I
bring up something serious? Sorry guys, if this is this is not the time of the No. No, we just finished a great game of tennis where you fucking rocked it with your back hand. And I've been using a slaves and juror, but I was thinking about switching to a Wilson. Oh can I just say something? And I'm sorry for being crashed. The drop point was only known by the director and the only person who gets to go into his office and it is his secretary. And I was just over on that slow you know, violent
in my papers. Gosh, and I caught her sneaking in a pen. Now we can only use pens that are in the building. It's of course, of course you can't bring a pen and it could have a camera in it in an outside pen. And I discovered the mall. Oh, I'm so proud of you. You were so good at work. See, you were so good at it. I just, I just I'm so envious of you. I mean, all that time you've spent working in the govern It's just it's neat. It's a neat job. You have so much value. I
wish so much value. Great game of highli guys who really couldn't be any better that Hey, I was thinking, um, since you are so good with spy stuff, and since you work in that sector where you deal in that, could you find someone to sleep with my husband so that I find out whether his sneeze is based on him being allergic to me or being allergic to sex. Thank you in advance. I'm so sorry to ask you
to do this. I know, Anna, I know for anyone else, but you're just such a dear friend, and you listen with your heart thank you, and you look at me when I talk, and I feel so seen. Amen. Not to mention that karat cake you made for my birthday. My god, I'm still dreaming about it three months. I so find me. It's so hard to meet single men at this highlight club. Yes, isn't it hard? It is? It is. I didn't know because I don't usually come here and play high lie Um, but all all the
men here are married or in committed relationships. Have you ever tried that it could be fun? Tried? I'm sorry? Um, sex are relations with a married or taken man? Have you ever tried that? It's no strings attached, it's loose, it's goose? Are you pimping me? Um? Listen, I'm going to be honest with you. I did want to come and bond with you because I did feel like we had a moment in the break room where I felt this is a woman that I could really get, you know,
get deep with. I felt that from you. I felt a connection and I want and I'm always wanting to make new friends, even at my age, I want to make new friends always. Now if I'm if you wanted to sleep with a particular person of my choosing and then report back. Okay, what what is happening? What is happening? Does he does he play highlight? He plays high does I hear? I mean he plays a lot of He's very barty, he plays a lot of things. How fast can make with the sesta? Well, I'm not sure you know.
I've actually never played I I kind of. I told you that I did, just so that we could get here. It's the fastest traveling ball in all of sports. Hey, guys, before we leave the Highlight Club, I just I had a question about my sess stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I do. I think I do? Yes? Not high wink? Oh do you see any wink? No? I did see a wink. I guess. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, let me just how do I put this too? We're going to keep
this between us, right? Oh? Yeah, of course members over there. I haven't seen them before. Um, but I sometimes when I am let's say, near ring the service line, if you know what I mean. I don't know if this happens to you guys. But I I sneeze before I make impact. Does that make sense? And that's this is still an analogy. Yeah yeah, I've come buying a few different sports here, so it might be a little bit confusing. So,
uh like, I'm not sure what you're getting at. But that girl over there has been making eyes at you and waving this whole time. Um, well, maybe I know her. Maybe just go check if I know where it seems like definitely No, Hi, I I couldn't help, but notice you over in the highlight court. Thanks. So yeah, what a game. I've really moved that point. Yeah what was the highlight? Oh? You must get that all the time. Such a nice sense of humor. It's refreshing. I don't know.
Do you mind if I touch your sesta? Um? No, I don't mind it at all. Here you go, and uh, your nose is running. That's just it's warm humidity. It's it's you. It is warm. Um. Do you want to see the highlight court that's in the back of the club. Yes, I do, fellows. I'll talk to you later, fellows. Yeah, yeah, ye. Just come this way, this way, turn left here this hallway. There's the club manager. Hey, Carl, h all right, I'll go this way and then we're gonna turn right here. Ah,
there's the greenskeeper. Hey, hey, Stephen, Susan, here's the messed up thing. Okay, what what did you find out from her? What's the story? Well, she didn't even report back to me. She took a public place and I was there. I is hiding in the bleachers, and I actually watched their working leachers. Yes, it was very public, and that that wasn't my intention. But I can attest um that it's
it's everything. It's your body. He's getting sneezed, he's getting sneezed up when he gets a house, and it's not you. And I also can attest um they did not have full coitus, So you can fige good about that. I mean, yeah, I guess that makes me feel a little better. Honey. Hey, A long day, played eighteen round, then I'm played the best out of three sets of tennis. Then I went to the Highlight Club. Yeah, let's just say that I scored big time. Let what does that mean? Let's just
say I scored big time. I played with what is I played with? Stephen? Charlie? Oh did you did you play with anyone else? What does that means? Meaning? Did you play with anyone else? Did you happen to be in the high Allie locker room after and and see some new people and wander through the back, make a left, make a right, Say hi hi to carl keep going past,
say hi to the groundskeeper, keep going past. Then wind up where there were bleachers, and perhaps my dear friend Anna could have been there to see you with another woman. Is that what it is? Do you have a mole? Yes? Me, I have a mole. Oh my god. If we don't have trust in this relationship, what do we have? You know what we have? We have each other? Because now I know that you're not allergic to me, You're allergic
to sex itself. That's true. I was so embarrassed. I was going to talk to the fellas about it, but you just kind of never got around to it. Boys never talk about anything important. Oh you should see you should You should see Charlie's new backhand. It's one handed and it is Hey. Good concert of Bush guys, great great Bush concert. We really watched it. Oh, everyone has their shirts off, except what what what happened? I love it? When they did come down that's our secondization. C three
is from listener. Is he Terry and who wrote, Hey, pizza wizards love you all? Is he Lion? He's an absolute wizard at pizza. You're never gonna try anything like it. It's Sicilian, so it's extra buffy. It's filled with um meats on top, sauce on top, cheese on top. And you're like, that's just a pizza. But trust me, this guy is a fucking wizard. Oh Domino, So like, is this going to be better than Domino's? Yeah, it's gonna
be better than Domino's. Greetings and salutations to you here in my finest of dining dungeons, I a'm Gimmeldorff and I today shall stand before you and craft the greatest pizza you've had in your lives. Just tell me what you would like on it, and it shall be. Is this I'm testing? Yes, Charlene, please, I already had this pizza once before, and I want you to have the full experience because you're my best friend and it is your day. I'm still wearing my necklace. I'm sorry that
I took mine off. Just be home. Diet Dr Pepper as previously requested I'll leave you in the capable off. Thank you, munchens, And now what kind of pizza would you like? I'll watch you justine, and then I'll order Charlene. Oh you want me to go first? I mean it's one. We're gonna share the pizza. So it's are they don't do personal pans? They don't do you guys do? We will do whatever you desire us to do. Are you leaving this one up to the chef? Are you leaving
this up to the chef, Wizard? Is that what's happening? No? I mean I normally like like, uh, pepperoni and like mushrooms. I'm so sorry, Wizard. I feel like she's not down to share a pie with me because she's wearing her friendship necklace. And I took mine off because it turns out I am allergic to nicol and it did give me a heinous rash. So that's my bad. I'm sorry to you. It's no disrespect to you and your establishment.
I'm in love. No, no, I take no. I was wondering why only one of you was wearing a half of a heart necklace. I didn't know what be Fry meant, but now I know it's the beginning of best friends, which apparently you don't seem to be any longer. No, no, no, we are. We're told her she's just allergic to nickel and that makes her break out and it could affect her. Well, say no more bocotium nicolas katatas solid gold. No nickel in that one. Look down at your neck now, Pepperoni,
you said, well, like Shamando, gather around pise. Unfortunately, which is pie is going under what the wizards have taken our customer base and we can't compete. Are you saying that people don't like I have newt on their pizza. I'm not saying it, but the customers have spoken. Well, what will we do? This is the only thing me and my generations back have ever done well that we must visit. We must visit HIVT to what. I don't know. That's the employee meeting. Maybe a two for one double
double toil and trouble. I like that, sort of a little Caesar's thing. Yes, yes, double double I like it. Excuse me, excuse me? Which is Jason Ramirez from p w C Consulting. I think I have the solution to your issues. What are you good at making step. Well, you've been observing us for two weeks, Jason Ramirez, you tell us good at st alright, pizza is not your thing, all right, but you need to be focusing on is soups? All right? You're saying our cauldron is not producing top
notch pizza. Yes, exactly, We're just not on the same page. Now, the p WC can help you pivot, like I said earlier, into this market. The competition is yes, question, are you sure soups the thing? We are in Phoenix, Arizona, and it's awfully hot year round. It's hot. It's hot, It definitely is warm, but it helps people acclimate their body temperature to the heat outside, so soups will work. And uh, there's no we can keep the rice out of it, keep the bread out of it unless they want a
bread bowl. But these are all things possible, right, And no one has to know what goes in your soup, so that part of it is still your business. Jason Ramirez, do you notice the plethora of ravens in this basement. Of the first things I noticed when I came into to watch those are events were all previously consultants. Oh wait what and there is your pizza, pepperoni, mushrooms, spinach, all floating three inches off of this table, so the cheese doesn't get everywhere? Is there anything else I can
get for you too? Best friends? So, yeah, you made her a golden necklace, and I was wondering if you could conjure me up one since I'm the one with theology. Oh oh my my mistake. Like you made her necklace golden, and that's really great for her, but I want to be matching like her best friends, So if you could conjure me, I don't have my half with me? Is not a problem, h it is. It's not a huge problem.
But I will need you to step through that door over there, prove yourself worthy, and then return with the item and I will be able to make you a necklace and also your own personal pizza. Just t Can you go prove yourself and then can I start eating too? Charlene? For you? I will for you. This doesn't prove to you that you're my best year, I don't know what does. Well. Pouring the necklace? Yeah, um? But can I start eating? Um? Yeah, I'm going to be wearing the necklace. Just start eating? Okay?
Through this doorway here. God speed on your journey. Oh you're not coming with me? Ships. The purity is to answer this riddle. Answer the riddle, what may I be if I am not the but I am one with the bees? Uh bitch? Oh you move on to the second level, all right? Test number two, taste blind? Is this Dr Pepper or diet? Dr Pepper? Okay, a little? Does he know? I know Dr Pepper real well, my favorite sodas. That's diet. That's diet for sure. M hmm.
Are you sure? Taste again? It could be a trick question, It could be Mr Pitt, but I'm going to you have passed the test. There's seven more. This one is a math test. Yeah, I she has been in there a while. Yes, how long have you been making pizzas? Ah? So many questions. I've hundreds of years, hundreds since Queen Margharita first arrived in Naples and and I whispered in the ear of a pizzaiolo there, and it's been ever since I've been But she's got to be coming out.
Did you go to high school? Oh boy, did you have a best friend in high school? I did have a best friend in high schools your best friend. It's was actually Moon Cheenes and who you met earlier. He he came dr peppers that works with me with me, it was a little awkward in school when he didn't quite reach you. You know any witches, Yeah, well, I mean I know the three witches down the street that
that have are competing pizza place, But pizza sucks. Good game of pickup basketball, Wizards, Yes, very good pickup basketball. You were dunking like I've never seen. Yeah. Well, the wind was under his feet. Did you see that? He called the wind and it led him to dunk. I was impressed with his three throws free throws, hi, and the fact that we all took zone defense instead of man impressive, quite impressive. Do you think do you think us the Wizards will make the playoffs this year? We
never make the playoffs. The Wizard suck. Mom. I swear I was just getting pizza with Charlene. I know it's late, but we weren't. We were just getting pizza. Where did you get the necklace? Where did you get the necklace? Charlene and I have buff bus front necklace. Don't you don't you come at me with that? I know that you have an allergy a nickel and I know you had to get rid of your half of the necklace with Charlene. I want to know where you've got another
necklace with that I don't know about. And this one looks to be what is that platinum? Is that a platinum necklace? It's nothing you are stealing. It's my daughter stealing. Mom. Why don't you know you should know me better than that? I thought I did. I thought I knew you. You know what, you know what? You have shown nothing but irresponsibility. I want you to talk. I want you, young lady, to get a job. That's it. I'm not giving you any more money. You go. You like going to your
pizza places so much? Here to work for us? How I saw the hiring uh sign out from stir the pizza cauldron there. So what's the hourly? Ah, it's six fifty, which is low, but chiers possibility of tiers. Yeah, I have a couple more interviews. Uh so I'll come back all right, six that's fifteen cents. Maybe we don't want you to work here. Welcome to the Warlocks of Bagels. We make bagels here. I saw the hiring sign and yes, I can pretty much do anything but math? So can
you do potions? Ah? I was pretty good at chemistry, and I can know. I know how to work a Bunsen burner more Bunsen. We all know him. Now tell me, will you take the test of bagely? Yeah, I'll take the test. What's the hourly here? Seven dollars plus parking? Oh? No tips? Ogre roll, you want work here? Say it again, oger roll. We make rolls any kind sushi side, it doesn't matter. Make role. Um. You know I saw the I saw the help wanted, and uh, I'd like to help. Ah,
so we paid twelve dollar what? No, Greg, welcome to Grandmolin Google coming in for the job? Ah? I saw the Yeah, I saw your post on Cruigslist and you're looking for its working the craig Wig post working. We're looking for someone. I've actually offered a twelve dollars an hour over at roll. You should take that job. You cannot compete. I hang on a second. Ogre Roll offered you twelve dollars an hour. Twelve dollars an hour and plus plus tips. They don't have parking, but it's ample
a street parking, no street cleaning. So and look, look, I know that you're coming in here to make money. But look where the U. S. Military. We can't afford something like twelve dollars an hour. What do you mean where where'd all your money go? It went to the Department of Education. You want to be a teacher starting salary one point two million a year, all right? Yeah, of course I want to be a teacher. Three months off? Alright? We get every once in a while, we get an
in service day. It's just another day off, right now. Do I need normal math skills or Warlock math skills? Because I actually did really well with the Warlock math, but human math not. So we got these super computers, right, they do the math for us. All right, you just tell and if you want to take a day off, we get your stub right like that? Yeah, yeah, oh, no, misunderstanding. We paid twelve That is just twelve dollars. That is
all per day or forever. That's cool. For whatever reason, the freaking uh you know, school Board of Education is really dying for more teachers, even though it's like super you know, it's a great gig right now, so I'm gonna go take that starting the selling. Why do you come back to just turn us down? I want to let you know. I want to. I don't want to, don't. I just want to let you know. I don't want to keep you hanging. I'm I'm a woman of integrity.
There's mad Ogre's crushed, when mad crush when and Ogre sneeze win horny? Which is how you doing? Uh? Jason Johnson, I'm with awesome consulting group, and uh, I just wanted to possibly come out here and get your business hurt. You're trying to pivot and there is a lot of birds in this room. Um, lots of birds and one melted puddle. All right, yeah that's a safety hazard, but we won't get into that stuff right now. If you count them, you'll see we have exactly four and nineteen
blackbirds in this room. I've never really been good at math. Uh, just too quick scan. Okay, that sounds good to me. I know we're rebranding into a pie place pizza. You're already a pizza place, Pizza, pie Pizza. Okay, Well I can help you get there. Our company b C D. We came up with the Matrix. Uh so we can use the movie. No, you wrote the mo the Matrix. No, No, I'm sorry. The matrix, which is a it's a consulting format to help we put it in your data and
tells us kind of how the metrix. I was gonna ask you to explain the sequels to be well, I never got them. It's it's more about leaving the circle of constant normalcy and humanism to get I grow tired of this transformation. Charlene, listen. I know that we made a pact. We were going to go to prompt together. We were going to lose the virginity at the same time. We were going to graduate together. But I got offered a job at high school. High school wait, our high school?
We go there, Yeah, I got offered to teach. I'm going to be teaching the cadaver class. I'm in the cadaver class. You're in the cadaver start next week, And I just want to let you know, like, all right, when i'm your teacher, like I'm not your friend, I can't be right, this is harsh, but when I'm not your teacher, that I am your best friends. I'm your and you've been gone for a while, just team, Like
I haven't seen you for like a week. I don't know where you've been I've been hustling, man, I've been hustling so hard. My mom said that I couldn't have any of her money anymore. And you know I need that pizza. Well, and it's expensive, man, really expensive. I've been hanging out with this witch one. Yeah, it's a real chill. That's going to the movies the other stuff. She has a broom, dude, we can go over if we want. I can't go with you to kidd have
have a class. I'm afraid I'll sneeze. No, No, it's totally cool. I just got like my old us friend is like like the teacher now and I just want to show up and so like, sure, how cool you are? Where's my necklace? Like the other half of it. I it's we're not best pals. I was just using you to get closer to your bestie, the one that got away. We did not offer enough money Justine. You're you're using me to get to Justine? You bet you? Oh this is ridiculous and that's our show. Oh boy, we really
we on our right. There so many businesses no one wants to work, you know, tough to get good hires these days, characters. But we had six individual businesses. Let's go around seeing everybody's doing. Mark Gagiley Lardy. Yeah, thanks for having me, man, this is always fun. You can find me online. I'm at Mark gags on a lot of the things and um we got this with Mark and how we got uh. New episodes every week on the Maximum Fun Network Lineage Performing Arts Center in Pasadena.
If you are a local to Southern California, first Thursday of the month, we have a live Shakespeare show called What You Will and Blood and Treasure season two coming soon. Yeah, Jackiegins allis Dorothy, Yes, thank you for having me. Is that I have a question? Is the Shakespeare show improvised? Uh? It is partly improvised, It is mostly written. It is mostly personal stories based on Shakespeare. Oh cool. I only asked because of the titles. So I'm like, oh, that's
not That's not a Shakespeare show, right exactly. Okay, great, Um, I'm not in that show, but I'm plugging it should become I'm at Yeah, I gotta go. I'm at Jackie Druthy on Instagram and that's where I put us about all of my shows. And I do some shows and I do some shows at the West Side and I do them with with some lovely people here and this very zoom and it's a great time. So keep your eyes peeled. Thank you for having How are the heat dos?
My god, they're doing well. I don't know if you guys have watched last night, but let's just say we won by thirty five points. Everybody, Hey, thanks for having me. It's always a pleasure. I laugh when you guys are performing, and it's great to be a part of it. UM shows coming up weekly monthly shows. First Thursday of the month is Pretty Pretty Pony at the West Side Comedy Theater and the third Wednesday of the month is uh
my sketch show Grip for Comedy. All that stuff is on my website and through my socials so toolsing dot com. Nice Craig Tikowski. As of right now, the Washington Wizards have the tenth pick the draft. Um they if they get lucky in the lottery, they might move up to one of those coveted first four spots, and who knows, if they get Bradley Beale into a long term contract, get to get some point guard help, you know, like
anything's possible, and you can. You can follow me on at Kikowski for the next couple of months before I quit Twitter. Nice I'm at Cole Stratton or at Stratton Cold, depending on the social thing. Pretty Pretty Pony first Thursday of the month. And Grifter, which I direct, which is the third Wednesday at eight all at Westside Comedy Westside
Comedy dot com. Catch me in Romeo or Juliet, you choose the side, and then you only watch one part of the Show's pretty great, guys, let's thank our producer and engineer, Doug Baby and they'll find folks at I heeart Media dot com. From please write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's now come until next time.