The guy who empties port-a-potties

good time. I had two friends that went to Costa Rica on a surf trip and they learned some new techniques. When they got back, they taught me those techniques and I'm now putting them, uh to work, and it's great surfing USA. Are you seeing Carla Kakowski out there? No, but she's really funny on the surf text thread that we have. Okay, yep, she's bringing the funny. Oh well, I don't know why you keep asking for more. Hey,

there's Craig Couch cacao. Is there an item any particular store that taught you every time you walk past it? What are stores like? What? What do you have in mind when you ask this question? Well, sometimes there's usually an item or two at Costco. But I just didn't know if you frequent in Costco, so I opened it up to any particular store. But there's an item or two at Costcos. I walked past. It'll go, man, I really want to buy that. I really want to get that.

I guess I'm not a good capitalist because the occasions when I go two stores, I know exactly what I mean to get, I get it, and I get out. Yeah, but that's probably the average pair. Look over there, it's James Heeney, Jacko, Johnny Jim. Objectively speaking. What is the most delicious meal that you can cook? Oh my god, I am a fantastic cook. Um. I think it's probably coconut curry, uh, with like mushrooms. And I typically when i'm cooking, will either cook vegetarian or vegan. Um, so

my coconut curry is vegan. Thank you for that, and no, thank you, and now please welcome back. I'm gonna bring you some coconut curry. All right, you're gonna love it. Please please welcome back. Jackie gonzalaz thruth to Jacqueline because you hate it. What is something you started and it's still nags that you would have finished. This is bad. Okay, I like it when I accidentally get one. It's my Christmas movie. It is done, but I need to now like go and implement some notes. And I need to

do that, and it's taking me too long. So I assume this is a Christmas movie you're watching and you have notes for the studios that I'm watching that and giving those a studio. Absolutely that I'm giving notes a studio. You've made a Christmas movie and you need to finish it. Okay. So I've written a Christmas movie and it is complete, it is written and it and um, I have received notes and I need to now implement those and that is the process that is taking me too long. It's

taking me too long. It should have already been done, like because they're not they're not crazy notes. It's not like big shifts. It's they're easy to implement, and I need to just do it. You just never liked homework. You just never liked homework. Not great with homework. You got me yep, And when you were creating, it didn't feel like homework. But now you've got an assignment and yeah, and it's like little things it's like not even like a big thing where it's like it's fun to like

figure out. It's like, oh, like this one sentence, get back into that groove harder, like okay, you know, get back into that groove where you just want people to see this movie and it's true I do. That's that's the excitement. That's excitement energy you need to tap back into,

because that that'll get you to the finished line. Thank you, and that'll be nine dollars and last, but no more peanut Eminem's for you if you think at least it's Mark Gagliardi weirdly weirdly comfortable and George's can you tell us a secret about Disneyland please? Oh? Um, here's the thing. All of those I probably shouldn't because I worked there for so long. All those characters that you see walking

around in the park, Um have humans inside costume. They're actually people, like human people inside the What you think is Mickey and um Saradagan from Basil of Baker Street, it's not actually them. It's it's actually And what about when they're height challenged? Um, does that mean there's a fourteen year old in there? No, there's there are there are adults of all sizes in all of the different costumes. I always pictured, you know, a sort of sweatshop labor.

I think though the Jimminy cricket is an actual cricket. Yeah, and he has a he has one of those like steering machines like the little robot in Men in Black. Did I like that a lot? Yeah? I also like it if it was played by the character Cricket from the show Always Sunny in Philadelphia. All right, let's do it. I'm sure all of our scene suggestions to gather from your listener emails or from our patron v I p s.

You've heard me talk about it. If you want to avoid all this and James, we should figure out a way to also give them this bonus. If you're a patron supporter, you don't have to listen to this diet tribe. We will remove it for those listening anyways. Something to work forward and and right to us. Also with more suggestions like that it is difficult unless you enjoy the editing process. Interesting, Jackie, that you find the homework of

all kinds. Uh the highest level of patron supporting the Alcomaniacs, And we've got one of us joining us now in the zoom. He's all the way from the Munich, Germany, but he's in the zoom with us, And that, of course is Nicholas Maker. We're thrilled to have had his support all these years. And Nicholas, if you're anywhere near your computer, just pop in real quick to say hello. I see your cameras off, your micas off. You may not even fact be watching you probably just that might.

Actually I just thought I'd do a really weird thing and just have you creep in for for a nano second. Uh say hello to all the uh people listening from around the world. Please nice. That's not he's not he's not being recorded for the zen cast. So the world's only going to hear our reaction to us. So you know how you can hear that is if you subscribe to the Patroon support. Because of Zoom, video of this will be available to patron supporters. So hardy horror and

I'm a dumb ship who filled in for yeah. Um all right, So if you want to support, head on over to patroon dot com slash alchemist if we'd love to hear from you. Otherwise, you just want to write to us with comments, questions, or a scene suggestion. Yeah, we've got an email for you. Alchemy to email at gmail dot comscomist See. Number one comes from listening to Rebecca X, who wrote A little bird told me you were looking for some email suggestions. Here it is a

day in the life of the guy who empties Porta potties. PS. I've got my husband hooked. He laughed so hard he cried the first time he listened. It was very satisfied. Thanks, your loyal listener. Becks occupied. Uh sorry, I got to clean I'm in You can't clean up on a time schedule, sir. If you look up, you will see a little paper with the missiles previous cleaners. I do see that on the clipboard. Uh huh, yeah, I do see that. It's uh, I don't need that much longer. It'll just take me

a second. What are you doing? And listen, it's none of your business. What's happening in here? He just can't open the door right now. Please keep it down, Keep it down. I'm trying to make it. Yeah, that's right. We're making love. No, we're having sandwiches. What we're having sandwiches? It's the only quiet place for lunch on this work site. Can that's disgusting? Minds a poll boy, if you must know. And he's got himself a reuben. It's lunchtime where though, Yeah,

we're just having lunch. It's this. Look, it doesn't matter why we're in here. We just don't lunch. Shame us, don't lunch, shame us here, Lift me out, Lift me out? Is there a third in there? God? God, no, i's talking to us. There's a guy outside the door says he has to clean. Oh shit, right, I'll go back down. That's funny. What is the state of the room in there? What? Wisconsin? What kind of question is this? Yeah? What is it dirty? Is it needed? Oh? Full cleaning? Smell a it's a

porta potty. It's pretty gross. You're wanting wanted you could come back later kind of thing. I want to hear what your friend was gonna say. Oh yeah, go ahead, Tommy. I don't know. I think it's more nefarious than that, Jeff. I think it's more nefarious. I think he wanted us to use our pen on his clipboard and just put a check mark there that says he did come in and clean this. When he goes. Here's what I was thinking. If y'all got a pen in there, see, this is

what I was talking about. You can run my initials, my initials j D. Johnny Damage. We just made j D. We don't God now we know his name Damage, like the Johnny Damage like alright, alright, well, how the mighty have fallen? No? No, okay, now you can't get out? No, no, you y'all can't wait. Are you trying to open the door? Are you? Why are you Johnny Damage? Why are you blocking the door? Listen? I didn't know. Anybody didn't know. It's gonna have fans in here. So I don't feel safe.

I don't feel safe open the door. We were kidnapped by Johnny Damage. Alright, why don't I join you for one second? I dropped a shrimp. Goddamn it? All right, Hill, it's me Hey, okay, So Johnny Damage. You were what at one point, Tommy? What? Wow? Did you never read a sports illustrated or eat out of a Wheati's box? Neither continue you ever heard the word touchdown? Sure? I was a cheerleader. Barry, Barry, You've you've heard of Johnny Damage? Right,

of course I've heard a Johnny Damage touchdown. All right, look, look, look this has been nice and all. I gotta I gotta move on to the next porta party. Um so why don't I just do a quick little little whipe down? Part of me, part of me, this is your captain speaking, and it's going to be about probably one hour and twenty seven minutes till touchdown. Until then, please enjoy the in flight entertainment. And I am definitely a man and not a female pilot. You here him here? Yeah? What

was that touchdown? Yeah? No he he was really laying on the pedal with being a man not a woman. Was there a confusion? Gonnaet? Back to my crossword part of me? Wait a second? Are you? Did you ever play in a band of music? You know, the frontman for a group in the rounde? Nope, the ship does. You're not You're not Johnny Damage. I am Johnny Damage. Holy I never played music in my life. Oh no, your name's Johnny Damage. Though. All right, this is this

this r bell touchdown? Fuck you did the commercials from Monday Night football? God damn it. I think Mike that there's been some misunderstanding. I am Johnny Damage, but I don't play American football? So what you want me to throw this this oblong thing for for this commercial? It looks like we got our Johnny Damage is mixed up. Yeah, look, it happens all that. It's like there's two Richard Sherman's, one that plays football in one that writes Disney songs.

This is kind of like that, but uh, but way worse. Because we hired you know what, We hired you for the commercial, we might as well use you. Uh do you know how to throw an American football? I mean, I'll do my best. You know, this is kind of on me not asking any follow up questions because this has been a recurring thing in my life for thirty years, you know, and all so also we look like you

do you do? You know what? In fact, we might use that if we just lock that pony tail up your head, people might think you were touchdown, Johnny Damage, Steve, we can take that out and post. Don't worry about that pony down. We don't even have to cut it off his head. That's called the magic of showbies. Look at that, Johnny Damage. We're gonna how's your how's your American accent? Can you sound like an American football player. We can also dub him Steve. We can dub him.

It's good to have that option. But I would like can I get Can I at least give it a try as you Johnny Damage as musician Johnny Damage. I do have an air the mimicry. Al right, I really quick put these ping pong balls down and we can just map that while he does the actions will put the other Johnny Damage on top and post amazing what we can do now. But well, let's give him his shots. So we think it sounds like you don't name me at all. Look, look we hired you. Please keep your

seatbelts buckled. We're going to hit a bit of turbulence. Should last fifteen minutes, and I've got used list. It's in a big old slaw. What what are you off there? You off the mic? Yeah? Yeah, I'm off the mic. Okay, why can't you just be of the female captain that you are? People aren't used to it. People are used to hearing a man. People are used to having a man pilot they're playing. They're just not used to it. Why don't I jump on as your copilot and vounce

for you and say you're the head pilot. No, I don't like that at all. That makes me feel low. That makes me feel low. You're pretending to be someone something you're not. I'm harnessing a different power within me, is how I like to see it. You just ended that last situation by saying schalong, a big old schlong. Okay, see and listen, coming from a man we don't even. I don't say that really, I wouldn't want to call it anything else. I'm saying, I don't refer to it.

You don't really what if you have an itch I've got an itchy, I mean on the mic, I've got an itchy. And then what are you gonna say? I don't tell it. I don't annown. I don't announce that it cock. That sounds well, that sounds fed up. That's what you see. That sounds sucked up. Okay you're yes, that sounds like, Oh no, I've got an itchy prick. That's too much. That's hard. Do you think they know their microphone s No? I clearly think. I don't think they do. That is just an itchy cock. I mean,

I find it fascinating that we get that's embarrassing. It's embarrassing as boy is. Wait a second, how do I know that voice? Look behind us, look mind and tell me if it looks like a British person with a ponytail. I mean it does. It looks like a pretty shouldn't I shouldn't have weighed in. I shouldn't have weighed in. But I mean it's so distracting that that that Marx is still on and they're still talking. I mean, it's

I had to pilot one O one. Oh my god, it's Johnny Damage, I say, I say, honey, I've got itchy we And how does your wife feel about that? We haven't slept together in years? We're getting a lot of information. This is so great. I'm Johnny Damage without the H, without the H. The other guy spells it with an H. But yeah, oh age And and why a second? White a second? It's you your motherfuckeren one two and the mho wrote Seen suggestions two versions trying

to have sex? Thanks and take care? So do you? Um? Do you like your dessert? Did you want me to get the check? How do you wanna do this? I'm well, I guess we'll get the check, right, Okay, okay, I'll be right back with that. Thank you, sir. I just didn't know if you were done eating or wanted to as we had suggested. Maybe go back to your place. I don't know. My mom has been hounded me about moving out since. But it's late enough. Maybe she's in bed.

Maybe you can come back. Okay, right, Hey Steve, did you bring the check over to the table too? Uh? They they just asked for it having No. I was coming over here because I know I heard playing Are you playing? I heard about tonight? I heard tonight is gonna be the looking night for you. Oh come on, come on, what do you mean you heard everyone's talking about it. All the cooks are saying he's gonna lose

his virginity tonight. You stop that. When you stop that, they are, I mean, all I want to say is give me one second. All I want to say is, if you need any point, move the ace. No, you cut you you just put the ace down. It's there, Okay, great? Nice? That was nice. You give me a pointer if you winter, you let me know I'm not looking for I'm not losing my virginity tonight. I will never lose my virginity, swore up. I would never lose my virginity, bad things

will happen. You don't know the hell mouth that will open up if I lose my virginity. You don't know the hell mouth that will open up when you start to Is that a euphemism? Is hell mouth? The euphemism doesn't sound pleasant. Want your partners to do a hell mouth on you? You can? I please print this check. I think these two are gonna go fuck as soon as I okay, well, they're probably not virgins. I don't know. Should I ask? Yes, Okay, give me the check. Okay,

here's your check, and thank you, thank you. Let me get this. Oh no, okay, okay, can I get this? Do you do you take travelers checks? I mean we used to. I don't. I don't know if we do anymore. Could you check because I would have travelers checks. I'd love to you. Sure, I'll go check. Thank you. He's kind of handsome, Yeah, I think so. I wonder maybe he'll come back with us tonight. Really, you're okay, it's

got to be in bed by now. It's like, okay by the time we get there, and I gotta tell you, you're you're so uh cock freezing with this mention of your mom every nine mint words? Does it bother you that I still live with her? Only when you talk about it incessantly? Okay, okay, I'll stop. Yeah, hey, sorry, I had to go to after the managers this upstairs. We actually don't take travelers checks anymore, not since um not since the new location opened our system. I don't

That's all I had was trapper jacks. I'm sorry. It's so insisted on getting the check and then I'm not allowed to. That's weird. Do you guys take venemole? Let me go ask? Could you check? Hey? Baby? You awake? What? Oh? Sorry, I'm sorry, I just don't know if you're awake or I just got back from the restaurant. Oh my god, you scared me. I'm so sorry. You really scared me. I was in the middle of something. Tips tonight, huh what? Sorry? Made some good? Why are you so sweaty? Tips tonight? Nothing?

I don't know what tips? And that? What? That was so such a weird way to say that it's hot. I was sweating in Were you having a sex dream? Heidi? Was it with me? You say they're Oh, they're usually with me? Yes? And this one wasn't with another man. Okay, it I don't know if I want to count it as a sex dream, you know what I mean? Like it felt, It felt a certain way, but the action wasn't the same. But the feeling was the same, but the action was very different. Your arms all fell back asleep.

Come deeper into the forest. Ah Um, huh, Okay, go to sleep. I'll talk in the morning. Yeah. Go hold on to my antlers and ride me. Heidi, I've got to go. I thought I would lose you. This is so great. No, no, You'll always have me. Let me gallop throughout the forest stagnan, Yes, I am stag Linian. This is the best. Can I just say you taking me through the forest and then and then huffing in the waters at the river. Okay, hold on, jad can you stop the projector place? I thought this was a

Christmas movie? What the funk am I watching? She's writing Reindeer, it's not Christmas season quite yet. In the movie. Later on, it's like it's like it's like you said this was a comedy. You said it was very funny, very funny Christmas movie. And now it's done done. Is this still part of your dream? Yeah, that's weird. It's actually it's really weird. It's really weird because now before I was in a fantasy land and now I'm in a reality nightmare.

But you're conscious of the fact that you're dreaming, meaning you can control your dreams. I'm finally listen. It's a lucid. Lucid is the word I was looking for. I'm a I'm a magical stag. I don't I don't know every human word. What am I doing here? Baby? Oh no, no, this could be good. I know that I've spoken Jesus. The Stagnolion's got a huge long Yeah, well he's got a few. The other ones are hiding. Oh, it's a magical space in here, in the forest of my mind.

And this is the These are the Hollywood executives who are making the movie. What's happening? I don't know. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing my dream job. Here it's gonna be a Christmas movie in just a second. Well, it's not your dream job, it's her dream job. Oh oh, it's the you're I've got your dream shop. Well I was just using dream Maybe it's not translating because I'm I'm a magical stag. I shouldn't make puns. Is there

any way you can bring Josh from the restaurant in here? Oh? Whoa, guys, what is happening listening? I mean, this guy can't get over you, he can't get enough. Finally a love interest I can bank on. Yeah. Also, this is Stagnalian Stagnellion. This is Josh. Yeah. Hey, wow, stag stag Lanion. I'm bringing them all out now. Oh god, please don't. I've never oh god, I've never seen anyone naked but myself. Jo and I just squeeze in real quick. Timmy Stimpson,

I'm with the Warner Brothers. Were watching a screening of this Christmas movie, and I just want to say, now that you're in it, I'm much more interested. I like what I'm seeing, so please please stick around. How about that you're seeing it with star power. Maybe you revert back to the original version, because I feel like the notes got a little out of hand and then it turned something other. Yeah, I gotta go. I gotta get back with those two guys from Table for ten, which rewrite.

Did you have a problem was exactly? I had a problem with the one that turned it into more of a suspenseful a witch hunt with an element of core. Sure, sure, have you seen a lot of Christmas movies? Just forgive the question if it's two on the nose. Yeah, yeah, well you've never seen one with a suspense element or a soft core m We're trying to get ahead of it. What happened to all my penises? Hey? Hey, Josh, how was your how's your night last night? Um? Jack? Okay?

It was. I mean, I think you know about part of it. I didn't know if that was like a really thing that was really happening. Yeah. Man, I finally I finally thought I was going to have a moment, you know, I thought it was finally going to lose my virginity to those two very nice people from that table, and I was whisked away to god knows what several layers of inception were happening at once. It felt like, say, table table for one please, Oh my god, Josh stacklinean, Yes,

Oh my god, was that real? That was real? What are you? What are you doing in our world? That was real? What do you mean that our world just coming out to lunch? Maybe hide is still sleepy, Maybe we're still in the forest of her mind? Oh no, do you think we could be? How could we all? Wait? Are those two executives still here? Hey, here's it's Jimmy? Can I sorry? Can I get that side of brown rice I asked for? I don't know why I didn't

even recognize them. Yeah, thank you. If we let's see if we can take travelers checks, that'll let us know what reality were? Oh yes, then then when no, it's not real? All right? Um? You don't happen to have travelers checks, do you? Uh? I don't typically. I mean I could probably write a traveler's check out traveler checks. It seems like a pretty real response. So the world, this can't be a dream. I don't. I don't know what what is? What can Hidie's mind create? Does she

create things? In this world? What is? Oh? Um? Sorry? Did you want? Was that a tall Moca frappuccino? No whip? Did you fall asleep while you were taking my word? Sorry? I've been having tough sleeps and they're not restorative, and I'm really really I'm really apologized. Please don't. I'm gonna don't just drink coffee a coffee shop, right, yeah, because that's like, well, I want to do. I'm here every day.

Um listen, you're going to get your frappuccino in the house, and I really think for your patients, and I'm sorry. Do you have a phone order for Connie and Randy? Connie and Randy? Let me check where are the phone orders? Are they usually? Please don't don't go behind this counter, please, I feel like I will check. I know where they are. You don't need to know. Once you go, this becomes complete. Mayhe right? How do you wake up? Okay? Wait, I

don't want to scare you. There's blood all over your hands. Literally, there's what I'm assuming is a human blood You've been going to can't look. I will pass out. If you pass out, You're gonna go back into another reality again. And I can't lose you. Okay, you need to tell me how deep? Okay, Well, I can't tell you that. Only stag Lennian can. Oh fuck, oh my oh seen three counts from listener Kevin, who wrote, Hello current guest host,

Greetings from Savannah, Georgia, first time, long time. Thank you all so much for continuing to do this and bring joy to so many. Kevin, You'll be pleased to hear I do you suggest this show to everyone I meet and I send them straight to Vanessa's dog with thumbs. All right, anyways, scene suggestion. Southerners struggle to reset their Apple accounts so they can leave you a review. Oh and no cheating, James. Let's hear that sweet Southern accent.

Thanks again, Kevin ergo do you hear? Did you hear the new thing on on the new Apple update? Not what they got in? You can fucking review real fucking people, real fucking people. I can review you as a person, and then somebody else that they're interested in hiring you or dating you or having you as a tenant. They can look you up and see what I said. Well I don't like that, Well, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just I mean, I'm not I'm not angry at you.

It's just that sometimes you don't like my work. Play like I'm a different person at work that amma in friendly social situations. Oh you do say what category you are reviewing them for? So don't you know I could I could only review as a coworker. Oh my god, you reviewed me. You've reviewed me. This is ridiculous. You gotta change this review. You haven't even read it. It could be good. Well, I've got like a three star rating. This is crazy. If you're the only person that's oh

my god, there's a lot of reviews to me. I got this phone automatically updated if they have it to that setting, which most people do. Sorry, he's not the only one in the zoom. Can can other ask some questions? I need to reset my account or my head's gonna explode. And I purposely asked to be in this zoom because I heard you were the best at helping people with Apple problems. This is a bit of an Apple genius Zoom for those of you who are trying to learn

how do you nap top for the first time. I'll read your review us and they are us. They didn't say you were the best. They said you were good. That's all I need. I need good? Hey, good game, don't need good game? Yeah, I'd have thought it was a good game if I hadn't been reading all these reviews of you that says he was cheating. Look at all these reviews of you, man, every one of these

reviews flag football fraud, Flag football fraud. It's like they just all copied and pasted the same review accept it as a different number exclamation points and the spellings a little off sometimes. So that's how I know it ain't just copying and pasted that a lot of people actually thank it. How many years I've been playing with you? Huh? How many years I've been playing flag football with you? How many years of joy have I brought you? How

many years of cheating if you brought to us? Look, it's like I don't even know I was having one for years. And you know what, Now I'm looking at all these reviews and I don't know which of friends to trust. Uh. I wrote a review about you last night before I was coming to the game. Let me, let me, let me bullshit. Let me look, it's under friendship, not occupation or other stuff. But we're co workers. Well that's what I'm trying to tell you. Maybe you were

let me open. Hang on a second, Hang on a second. You're telling me you want to be friends with me and more than co workers, and you gave me half a star. Keep reading m's half star because oh, room for improvement. I think you have potential to be your friends. So you gave me a half of star because I didn't say I want to be your friend yet, right, something think about mhm, open up at your name for Clint. Hey,

Hey Clint, how's it going. Hey? Um, I got a notification that you you gave me three stars as a neighbor, and uh, I just wanted to say, um, well, you could say anything, Clint. I mean I felt you were a three star neighbor. But if you do or say something to change my mind, I could write a new review. I stand by what I wrote. Weirdly, like my gut response was like, man, I'd rather be a one star or a five star neighbor. You didn't want to be

down the middle. Yeah, I get it. And then I was like, well three stars, I mean that it's not bad. Well great, I'll tell you the truth. It was just that tractor thing. You know, I needed it, you weren't using it. It just didn't make any sense. I don't load my tractor out now. Clearly I learned that the hard way. And uh, I've got hospital receipts that I'd

like you to take a look at. But in the meantime, if you want to boost that rating, maybe open up your mind a little bit to people using your tractor and need Right, But then I must have offset that with you know that that Christmas party? That's true, that's how you got from two back up to three. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I think I went out of my way, did you not? Yeah? I mean every all the appetizers seem to come from your freezer, and uh, I know that elk you are serving at the carving table is

at least from last winter. Okay, so what was this three star rating? Legit? Because it feels like you got but just mostly negative stuff. That were you rounding up? Well? I went from a two up to a five because uh I'm awful, awful uh uh happy to be also the next door neighbor of your wife. So and then that party, you know, it's sort of brought everything to a three. Okay, so you're lumping me in with my wife.

You can also rate her separately, right, So this is just socially, this is just this is you know, I don't blame you, I blame Apple. You're breaking up with me here, yeah, breaking up with me? Yeah, I'm breaking up with you. It's all there. It's all there in the review. Well, guess what you can play that? Wait ship cast cast? Wait what do you I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Oh no, you go, okay, go down into your settings. Okay, yeah, and then it'll

you can screw dark mode. I don't want that. No, turn it off dark then turn it off dark mode. Cat. But look, okay, now scroll down. You can see it's under fine. I don't want you you know what. I don't need your help. I don't need your help. I don't need your help anymore. Alright, my boyfriend, Then I don't need your help. Then I don't need your help. I can figure this out by myself. Alright, fine, fine,

then I'm gonna grab my phone. Such a conniving snake in the grass as as you described me, I don't know why you would want to help a kind of and snake in the grass. Well, well, I look, I may have written all that in a in a moment of of anger. Yeah, but you know what. I stand by it. I stand by my review. And you, for a second I thought you were about to take it back, and then you doubled down. And here's what I want to know. This is what this is your This is

your real work doing this review with people. This is your real work. This is what you do over You don't work. You never listen to me. You know what rot it in your review? Then cast I'm trying fine, got there so user friendly, and I find I'm finding this very difficult to do. I guess I'm sorry. I just don't. I don't have an Android phone, so I

can't get read it. I don't have an account. But all my resume he says that I've got great work history if you just consider the things on paper, right, But you did come out with the fact that you have an Android phone. Well that's just why I don't have any you know, Apple readings. Oh you you don't have a whole lot of things that the rest of the world does. Apple Readings is just the tip of the iceberg. If I could, like, um, let me think it's some other stuff you don't have of Do you

have iTunes? No, I don't, But I just you know, I just used other programs. And if you look at the work that I did when I worked the zoo, I was able to maintain everything in the properties there and hold up, hold up, you worked at the zoo. Yeah, I worked at the local zoo. I was a keeper of animals and may just look up see if there's a review on you working at the Well, you're not

gonna find that. I'm not. I don't have an Apple device. Yeah, but somebody who didn't like or did like your work could have written, oh, yeah, here you are, here you are. Look at this four stars. That's that's better than I thought i'd get out of ten. Oh wait a second, I thought it was out of five. What's the here's a sixth star review. Look at that. Well, that's better, but it just says better than average. Huh that is

better than average? Well that's what the review said. Yeah, I don't see why we would uh be in that much trouble if you were a new employee here, for example, have you hushed? That sounds great? Have you worked the counter at a burger place before? I'm sure it's just the same as working at any one of the cages in a zoo. Yeah, but this one serves some very special burgers, you know, like there's Kangaroo Burgers, there's Kuala Bear Burger. Why are you throwing my meal at me?

Just handed handed to me from across the counter. I'm sorry, I just thought that's how you wanted. Well, those are your fries? Are you not order number? And here's your coke on? I mean, is this because I'm not from the South. No, I I didn't even know, honestly, I was just I guess the accident. The accident doesn't doesn't show that I'm not from the South. I don't hear accidents that that quickly. I'm gathering it now. Or are you from Minnesota? Yes, yes, very good, I'm from Minute.

I'm not from Minnesota. I currently live in Minnesota. I get made fun of all the time there too. I just have a stay entered neutral American accent. Oh all right, um, well I'm really sorry. If you could just please now do you how do you like it? That's the like it at all? Two stars? No? No, no, police, don't please don't. How how could I find you an Apple? How could I find you an Apple? I don't know. Only a couple of people have been able to do it. Uh.

I don't have an Apple account. That's maybe just I don't have an Apple phone. I think it's just maybe generic person at chop that is what I fall under. Generic person. Okay, maybe it's default here you are two stars? Oh please please don't do that. I'm gonna get fired. Well, it's not my problem. You through fries in a burger at me. I just do it like I'm told d D. Yeah. In here, what I was, you know, looking at something to a microscope. Wow, you're really bringing your hobbies to

the workplace. Your job here is to do one thing and one thing only, and that is to clean the porter potties. Okay, yeah, don't be bringing in your science. I don't need that here. I was thinking, I was, all right, you're right. I don't pay you to think you're I pay you to clean clean boop. Excuse me. I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding. I've never cleaned a Porter party in my life, but I'm talking to you too, me yep, So there's no misunderstanding here.

I don't make misunderstandings. Now. You've never done it, but you've done a piss poor job, and that's saying something about Porter potties, now you, sir, ponytail Yeah, joining grave reviews on the app products really incredible. Everyone says that they loved your work back in the day and that they still love it. Now. Wait a second, I'm supposed to be in London right now. How am I at a porta party corporate office? Somewhere in the deep Americans.

How many dicks do you have? My I've I've got seven? Honey, wake up, honey? Like job that was terrified? Are you okay? I've never seen you thrashed like that? Oh god, that was crazy town, pulled pulled out my sweats, about my sweats? Oh gosh? How many do I have? How many dicks do I have? I mean it looks like several, but it's just awfully big one. Oh thank god? Yeah? Yeah, what do you mean? Thank god? What is that? Even? You thought there was more than one dick down here? What? Look,

I don't know. I'm just a little okay your you had multiple dicks in your dream? And was I in fact involved in the dream? Yeah? Yeah, I beybe. You were in the dream? Right? What was I doing? Um? Huh? Why would you say? Um no, No, I'm trying to because it was a weird dream, you know, just trying to ye to place it. Um, anyway, I'm giving you a girlfriend writing right now. Fine, I'm packing a bag five stars? Was I packing a bag in the dream? Because That's what I'm about to do? Okay, I'll say

where you're going? Um, you gave me how much wake up, wake up, wake up. This is real, isn't it? This is real? Wake up? Oh no, oh no, look I know. I know. When you when we started dating, you thought I was the football player, all right, and we we were a couple for two years before that misunderstanding got cleared up and I thought we worked through it. We did, We did work through it, right. You moved to London

mm hmm, yeah, boy did I you know? And then the wedding, which was the wedding mostly Oh god, we got married. That was real, wasn't it. Yeah? That was real? Yeah, yes, yes, it was too real. Your your family? Oh god, is this how shallow? You are? A marshally? You're gonna You're gonna leave me because I you weren't in my sex dream. No, I'm gonna leave you because you've taken all of my money and squandered it. You you have started writing an

email change I spend money to make money. Yeah, let's go over your investments, how we Yeah, thank you for meeting gathering here at this late hour. There's been a hack, an internal hack at Apple Incorporated, where we all are, where we all were. Well, it is possible, and the worst of it is all of the personal ratings have been wiped. Oh thank god, good for some of you, bad for the others. Is there nothing that can be

done about there? Um, not that I know of. I think we're just gonna have to start the fresh slate. Everyone's gonna have to give reviews over again based on the experiences they're having with the people on ours. I mean, I got a cousin that does some hack and too, and maybe he can reverse this situation. I don't know that we just throw in the towel. Well we're not. I mean, we're we're we're we were reusing the towel. We're washing the towel. I'm gonna get rid of the Yeah,

cyber attack is serious. Is stuff. I get it. I get it. And you must have spent a lot of time working on this before you brought us in for this big announcement. So I certainly don't mean to usurp your authoritative position. I just think I got to offer up some kind of suggestion here my brain's break. Well, yes, did you have a question, Yeah, I gotta watch I got a question. Oh sorry, who We both had our hand up and we're sitting right next to each other,

So I didn't know. It's hard from a stage, it's hard to tell who you're pointing at. I actually don't have a question. It was just waving. Oh oh, I did I have a question? But I was also kind of waving, but my hand wasn't moving while I was waving. So that's what anyway? Uh, what if we feel different about a person than we did when we wrote the review, do we gotta write the same review we wrote before? We got to write a review based on how we

feel about that person. Now we're thinking based on a person. How you feeling now? Two point Oh? Okay, I'm just gonna wave hi. You see. Apple sees this as an opportunity everybody for the world to be better. Hi. Hi. If you were a five, continue to be a five if you were too. You can see. I didn't know that just waving was the choice we could take. Hi. Hi, So go out into the world, make those new reviews and made Jesus Christ bless us all. Why a second

did he say goodbye? Everybody's apple out? Whoa that thing? Yeah? It's so cool because he makes a sound with his mouth and then he does a thing with his hands. I think this is a dream because that was that was Steve Jobs. He's dead. Yeah, so who which one of us is dreaming? Brain break? Brain break, brain break? Not me? My dreams are way more fucked up. They are I've been in the couple. I guess it must be my dream. Oh ship, how do we check? How do we find out? There must be a way to

find that? Which one? That seems extreme? You need to wake him up from his dream. Okay, let's start with you. I mean, what what if he what if dreaming is okay, we're just shooting a person in the head for having a dream. Maybe he's gotta Maybe it's life sucks and dreaming is how he escapes. Maybe he lives in the bottom of a border body. Oh god, Steve Jobs as a pistol. Steve No, I feel like he's just Oh he's fun. I think he's dancing now. This is clearly

Steve Jobs dream and I can't believe I'm in it. Stream. Oh what a fuck up dream? Oh thank god, I'm just alone here in the forest, the magical, magical forest. Good morning, stags lately in Good morning, squirrelly. How did you sleep? Oh fine, just fine? And you oh h quite well? Actually, but I maybe got a little too much rimm. Steve Jobs, Yes, yes, wait a minute, did you have the same dream that is our show? Steve John in the dream world shot aunt Lee? What was

aunt Lee's name? I just wrote Auntlee in my notes. It seems so wrong. Thank you also very much for being here. Let's start with Chris Alvarado. Chris, Oh, thank you for having me so much fun. Love everybody. It's fun to have people in the in the zoom with us. Kind of cool. Were performing for somebody. I wonder if he swings back around because he could jump back in, but he won't be heard, right, Sorry, so wait till after we finished this part. Sorry, Chris. Thankful, just thankful, thankful.

Gratitude to this guy. Thanks love that. Love you Jackie. You want to gratitude to this guy. I love that. Yeah, this has been so fun, What a great way to spend the afternoon. And thank you, thank you. I'm gonna throw some gratitude to the guy into into you guys for having me right on and good luck finishing that script. I'm excited to hear more about this. Yeah, James Eeney, thank you for having me again. Uh and uh check

out the alchemy this on Reddit. It's it's called Alchemy Pod, I believe is what it is and get that community going. We've we've got a lot of people that chat there and I think it's fun. Thank you for that. And James, I apologize for not reading your script yet. It's just the Eastern movie, doesn't you know, excite me as much as it should. Craig Atkowski, thank you for being Uh. There was no story selling trope uh more played out or hackier than it was all a dream? Or was it?

And I will never get tired of doing it because I love it so much. Yes, that is that is so true on all accounts. Mark Gagliardi, Yes, thanks for having me. I also would like to throw throw out some gratitude to the sky, as much gratitude as as I have in me to send out and to say thank you guys. This is all always such a blast, right on, right on. Let's thank our producer and engineer the stars, Mr Doug Bane. Find folks that I heart media. I'm Kevin Poll like your host, reminding you to please

be kind to each other. Uh, and thank you so damn much for listening and continuing to tell everyone you've ever met, and writing to us in all your supportive ways. Um. Yeah, that's a message for today until next time. In a word,