texting

Dear Ruthie. Hello, Oh hello, now, Jackie. I don't know the answer to this for myself, but my wife knew it for her. So I'm want to ask you if you know yours? For the first song you ever slow danced too? Wow? Ye, this didn't track, didn't didn't didn't mean much to me. Were you? Were you a slow dancwer in middle school? Or slowly? Oh yeah, little Jackie really hard and the little school make it fast, make it slow. I was on that floor. I remember, I

remember definitely dancing to like. For whatever reason, this song is coming to my mind, so it must have been true. Um that Mark Anthony's song. She sang to me, Hello, wil Buttom but song for Runaway Bride. Wow, beautiful one of my favorite movies. Yeah, but I can't really and I remember Casey and jodo Ah laugh. That was that was the like I was singing that all morning. I've been singing that song all morning. I'm not kidding really, because that song reminded me of an early slow dancing

time for sure. Was it the first? I can't say, but it was certainly popular. Okay, all right, now let's say hello to Mark Gagliardi. Hello, Mark, Hi, describe the feeling for us, because I don't really how, I don't really know what this feeling feels like. So describe the feeling of really nailing an audition. One of these days I will be able to answer this question for you. You have never felt I've never walked out of an audition, and I don't know that I've ever felt like I

really nailed it. I feel like, because I'm I guess I'm pretty hard on myself. I come out and I go, I could have done this, and that beat could have done this, and that beat could have done this, and that beat. Oddly, it's the smaller the thing, the easier it is to feel like I nailed it. Like I remember, I had a commercial audition once and all I had to do was a bite and smile. If you've ever

audition for commercial, you know the bite and smile. It's just wow, I'm really enjoying this Snickers bar that I just took a bite of. It's where you you take a little bite, make sure a little bit of the car and will hit your lip and then you kind of lick it in there on you do you very gently chew and nod and look off to one side. I did have one of those ones where I went, man, I nailed that, but that was good. I nailed that bite and smile. I did not get the job, but

I did finish the snickers. Um. My worst ones are the no talking. Not that I'm great with dialogue either, but it's for me. It's the sitting in the audie and being like, Okay, you're looking at the dash, Oh

you're happy that there's a touch screen. Oh, your wife's calling, Oh look at this mountain, and it's so hard for me to like smaller, smaller, smaller, like well then you get okay anyway, Well, I mean, Mark, you might not know what a good audition feels like, but you know what it feels like to book something, you know, and one of these days, well we'll have that conversation speaking of booking something. I mean, it's hard to mention booking

without mentioning this. Next fellow, say hello to Craig Atkowski, the booking Machine. Oh sorry, sorry, guys, I can't do the second episode of course, Craig. Do you listen to music every day? Yes? You do. Yes, I don't listen to music every day. Yeah. I I pay for Amazon Music for some reason, I guess. I guess I'm being mocked for um and so I I had had everything on iTunes and then I slowly like built up like

my old playlists and everything on Amazon Music. So typically typically my day is I would probably like read the news for about an hour and a half and then just listen to my songs on Amazon Music on shuffle. I've got probably by eight thousand songs in uh in the rotation. So, and does it does the music affect your mood from time? I know it's that's a dumb question, but like, I listen to music so rarely that when I do, I'm like, oh fuck, Like I'm really like

brushing my teeth feels crazy. Listen to radio Head like, I'm just I get so affected. Does it will like affect you as much as it affects me? Yeah? Absolutely. Like one of my favorite workout playlist is called Shortened to the Point, which is all songs that are two and a half minutes long or shorter. So like a lot of like pop punk kind of stuff, you know, just like short energetic songs. Love that. I'm I'm never somebody.

I mean, I do like some mellow stuff, but of like, my normal state is pretty zoned out and mellow, and so I need music to pump energy and beauty and melody to get me to feel uh something more. So I think in the in that sense, it's a little bit of a drug. I'm loving this. I have to ask a question. I can't help myself, But what like if you were to just to like too on a little song today, tut on one of these songs that like is energy to you? I just want to know

what that you know what I mean? I just want to know what that is, just off the top of my head. I also read a column called The Number Ones by Tom Bryan that comes out three times a week, which is kind of a chronological assessment of all the songs that hit number one in the Billboard charts, and so right now he's in kind of mid nineties and like the like the Puff Daddy, which is not necessarily

stuff that speaks to me. But the song for today was was Biggie's Hypnotized and that's just a fucking jam and so like. And then as you read the column, like you can click on of like oh, here's the demo, and of like oh and here was his first gives you a little bit of the history of each song and the artists. So uh, so I did a lot of like listening to uh two Biggie uh this morning and hypnotized like we'll we'll get your blood pumping at

any time of the day. Wow, I've never heard of that, but I bet our next guest has, because our next, our next guest has his finger on the pulse of all things pop and culture, and pop culture makes some noise, say a lot of coal Stratton, everybody, Cole, I'm really excited. Please, actually have you have you? Have you heard of this?

This guy Crat was talking about I haven't. It sounds great though, because I like Craig listen to music every day, all the time, so you should definitely check that out for sure. My question for you, I'm really excited to ask you specifically. Actually, I think a lot of us can answer this, but just you specifically. This is exciting for me. So it's if if you know if if, if you know Cole, if you know his wife, if you follow him on social media, you know that they

take a trip to new work. They see a lot of Broadway shows. Is that once a year every couple of years? Cold, it's usually once a year. But then like the world stopped for two years, so yeah, we hadn't been back for we just went there back three years. Oh, it always looks so great because you see so many shows.

Now here's my question for you. You're at a show and and then all of a sudden someone runs out and goes everybody, this person got sick, and we need somebody in the audience who knows all the lyrics to this song or to this for this musical. I need you. I need you to answer what musical that is and what character it is that you that you would be like bucket here? Yeah, is this school ja First of all,

super plausible scenario I'm always called ready to run up. Gosh, I've I've probably seen The Music Man seven thousand times at this point, either from being in it or seeing because like it's like we just saw the huge Jackman version, which is great. But music Man at this point can either so prize nor thrilled me, but never bores me.

Like it's just it's the music Man. So I could probably jump in and well obviously went through because I did that when I was a kid like that, but it would not be appropriate now probably jump in into Harold Opret pretty well at this point, I love that. Gosh, I want to see all of you do this. Okay, I guess we gotta improvise today based on some suggestions. UM,

so glad you're all here. Uh yeah. These suggestions come from all of you who are listening, or people who are listening who have sent in suggestions, either via email or via our Patreon page. If you want to become a Patreon v I p know that you will get exclusive bonus including video of what's happening this morning. I mean, this is exciting stuff, um, plus a lot lot more.

Head on over to patreon dot com slash Alchemy this or if you want to submit a suggestion via email, hit us up at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy this gmail dot com. Seen one comes to us from listener Heather Dempsey. Heather Rights, Hello, lovely people. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this podcast. I was just listening to an old episode while shoveling snow for the seven thousand time this winter. My fingers were freezing, my back ached, but I was laughing maniacally

the whole time. My neighbors already think I'm weird, so you guys are really helping to reinforce my reputation. My scene suggestion is texting and is inspired by a couple of recent text mishaps. Thanks for everything, Heather. Okay, Ranic, can you show me how to do this here? I'm not just turn in the motorola. That smartphone is new for me. Yeah sure, sure dad. Um, So we're just gonna we're gonna click this and then you see this keyboard and it's just like any other keyboard. It's just

like a computer, And so you can text Wendy, was it? Yeah, Wendy, that's my new lady that I've been seeing. Yeah. So you can text her hello, hi, um, you can ask her questions. There's also there's punctuation if you just click this, or you can send emojis, well what are what are? What are emojis? Like smiley faces or like plants and like water squirts? And oh that's good because I just die that the egg plants are come up in the garden. So I'll go ahead and send this door right now. Hey, Wendy,

Oh my god. And Marie and Marie I told you about that boy I just started dating, right Conrad. Yes, look what he just texted me. That's a lot of egg plants. That is a lot of egg plants and a squirt gun. I don't know if I should be plater sir, eggplant water squirts, but you know what that means. And Marie tell me you know how to text? Of course I know how to text. It doesn't sound like it if you don't know what an egg plant means. Okay, so you've got to get over there. I guess what

do I wear like? I've got to get over there right now. And you know, it's it's not always that it's gonna be like this. It's the beginning phase, you know, it's the honeymoon. I guess I just have to find something to put on and go over there and let's get eggplant e okay, something sexy, but not like in your face sexy, like every day, you know, casual. I just rolled out of bed, and I'm sexy. But I when I roll out of bed, I don't look sexy. I've got all the stuff in my hair. I've got

I've gotta put my glasses on. I have this the my mouthguard at night. Well, first of all, you've got you've got a text back. What do I text back? You know what, I'm going to change the subject. I'm going to change the subject. I don't want this to get sexual. I'll just tell him about the garden and and the and the orchard. You know, the peaches are in, the peaches are in. I'll change the subject. I'll just we'll talk about the peaches. So I'll just I'm just

gonna send him some peaches. Larry, what the fund is this quote text sent from you to me? Linda is being such a bit right now? Uh m hmm. Explain how it got to you again? Who were you trying to text that I and being such a bit right now to you, Linda, that's your choice of communication with me these days. Well, I was speaking about you in the third person to you, so we could look at this objectively and you know, make some adjustments to our relationships.

So you know, every now and then, if if I'm acting up, can send me a text says that Larry's being an asshole, for instance, so we don't take it personally. And I like that, that makes sense, that's good. I just I just want to make sure we continue to stay closer. And sometimes, you know, they say you can lose some meaning over text. I disagree. I think i'm I'm I'm better over text. Well, anyways, my mom's going to stay for two weeks. I want her to stay in the bed with me, So if you don't mind

hopping in the air mattress, that would be great. Of course, I know the drill Mom comes, she sleeps with you, I'm on the air mattress. And if you complain about it again, it's going to be like a big problem. Mm hmmm. Shoot you a quick text, real quick. Okay, see that Linda has been a bit again. This isn't funny. Oh, I wasn't trying to be funny. It's just not you, babe, but like, let's like look outside of ourselves and Lena's being a real fucking bitch again, you know what I mean.

I just don't. I just feel like when I'm reading it in texts, it's hurtful, but it's not like the way that you're saying it is even worse. It's so it's so aggressive, build up hate. I'm going to clarify this. Um okay, just sent you another one. Listen. I know that I said that this is a good idea, and I do think that it does have merit. But we've established that you felt that way earlier, and I want to now connect with you as a human to human and try to um figure this out. It says Lena

is a bitch because her mom's a bitch. Wow, this is a big This is a big this is a big line across I'll get the air mattress. It's really something that we still are together, let me just say that, and are pretty intimate, uh more than once a month, which I think is pretty exciting because some of my friends don't. Anyway, Hey, wend are you gonna go visit your daughter? I am? I look Linda and Linda and Larry.

I think they're having some problems. And you know, sometimes the mom's just gotta go in there, you know, and you know, take care of things. I gotta take care of my little girl. You know, I understand that I do the same thing with Veronica. Well, you know, maybe I'll text you while you're there getting the hang of it here, Uh, text you some fun stuff, you know, kind of keep things spicy in our relationship. I mean, I like it when you when you do keep things spicy.

I I don't know if we want to have another mishap like on beach day when I showed up in that outfit. But now you know what we're learning. We've been learning, and that's what's important. You know, we're now we know how to text each other. Will send me my send me some emojis. I want to. I want to see if I can guess what you're saying. All right, up. You are so cute the way the way that you look like at your phone down like that when you're concentrating,

you just get this little twinkle in your eye. It's just really cute. Okay, and send there you go. Oh see, this is where I'm confused, though, Conrad. This is how I get confused, because now you know what an egg plant means, and now that you know what it means, you're just sending me lots of egg plants. Do you understand I'm trying to tell you something here where? Yeah?

I don't know. I mean I just kind of like jump started my dad's for a into texting as sexting, and I realized that that's kind of weird and a little creepy, But I don't know. It's it's been a long time for him. And is your relationship with your father improving? He's happier, he's happier, so um, yeah, he talks to me in like a better tone for sure. Um. He seems to be more into the idea of me moving in Um, which is a positive. And how about work?

Does everyone still hate you? Yeah? Everyone still hates m um. It's now getting to the point where they're putting flyers on the bulletin board. H And you can like, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm laughing at something else. What are you laughing at? Just I guess I'm on a text thread with a bunch of other therapists. Okay, Um, well, yeah, people that work still hate me. Um, should we end our session early or no? No, no, We've got an hour. I gotta say I love therapist happy hour. This is nice.

Have a couple of drinks at a discounted rate and just shoot the ship. Shoot the ship. Let's talk about the crazy. I mean, the gifts that you send are great on the thread, but be able to to to expand on those I r L makes a huge difference.

What's going on with that narcissist you're you're treating? Oh well, um, he still thinks it's all about him by definition, so and so if you recall you're my last session I sent mirror emoji z z z. It's like he's a look, it's all about him, and I'm like, I'm tired knowing another picture of Rita's Yes, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it, so Berna, Berna, are you still seeing one of your patients? Is that still? Yeah? I got pregnant last week? What he got me pregnant last week? Congratulations?

He's married? Right that this is just like a flaing thing. Well, I actually, you know a lot of the focus goes onto him and his issues, and for me, this is actually quite amazing. Because um, we didn't think that I me and my team of doctors didn't think that I could conceive. So oh, miRNA, I just you're getting a text from me, and that was that was not meant for you. So just just just ignore or delete that as it comes in. So rob am, I supposed to

be Miss Piggy in this job. That's supposed to be me. Uh no, that was that was for someone else. And it's just because we were because you just told me that it was about me. Uh okay, yes, you're supposed to be Miss Piggy. Okay, geez one. He really appreciate you indulging me in my cuckle fantasy. I mean, I didn't know this was going to be part of this relationship, but I mean if if if you wanted this, I mean, sure, honey, that's you, and you can take the robe off if

you want. It's it's oh my wow, wow. That is at egg Plant Parmeer genre. That's our pers Scene Scene two comes to us for Alchemniak Katherine Wasser was I don't know, She writes high Alchemist seen suggestion prom night have fun. Katherine just scooch over a little so I can get both of you real good in the picture. Get Nope, but don't not not I mean, don't put your arm around her, but not like that. You know,

you kids are so cute, scooch close. She's my sister and that feels well, she's you know what, But tonight she's your prom day, isn't she? Because somebody didn't ask someone soon enough, so someone's got his older sister going as his prom day. Yes, sir, okay, And if we could just agree that we're going to be home by ten thirty. I have court very early in the morning. Your sister is a is a very important lawyer. Now, she's a very important lawyer. You gotta get her home

early so that she can she's working on some cases. Okay, you guys in the same didn't you guys? Were you in class together so you ended up being a photographer and you're hello, huh. Some of us don't do as well in school, okay, some of them. This is not about us. This is not about this family unit. This is about you two scooching close together so I can get a good picture. But you two knew each other, so I'm asking, yeah, yes, yes, we knew each other.

We knew each other. Is that what you asked? Are you? Are you gonna bring this up? That that that that the old man failed out of failed out of law school again? Is that what we're gonna keep bringing up? No, I just thought, Okay, we're gonna score, We're gonna scooch closer for a picture. Yeah. No's but you two were you were friends? Right, Yeah, I'm a little lost. I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little lost. Kevin's Yes, we were friends. We were classmates, we were a father daughter,

we were everything. It was a crazy thing that happened. And would someone else use a time machine in a different way? He check out Thompson. He brought a sister mom the prom again every year. Man, I no matter, no matter how many times we go over all the mystery and intrigue in that family, I still cannot wrap my head around the full situation. You know, he shouldn't have. That was a bad way to do time travel, because look, I have these gills now because of what he did.

All right, he messed up the timeline. Now I got gills, and he's at the problem with the system. Mom. Yeah, but I guess you know it? Is it like maybe you've always had gills, and you know, it's just like this is the way it's supposed to happen, you know, because if time is a loop, then you're just supposed to have girls, right, Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't remember a time when I didn't have gils. Okay, okay, look after this dance, I'm gonna hop back into that

machine and make some different choices. But before I do, I need some clarification. I thought you were my sister, and you and you okay, and you were just a guy taking pictures, and I was trying to establish that you two probably knew each other from before. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, let's just say this. We talked about this. You were not supposed to keep the time machine. Nevertheless, bring it to your prompt to bring pographer. Yes, I

thought you were my sister both. I know it's a little wonky, but it's true. It's Senior da Vinci. I see these plans you made for the time of machine. But I wonder, Senor da Vinci, do you think do you think this could several hundred years from now getting used in a kind of a wonky way, like incorrectly, like like it could mess up with the family relationships. I don't know if we should have been messing with the spacetime and continue and miss my point. Senor DaVinci, Okay,

who is the master? Giuseppe? You you, Senor DaVinci, Master. We all know you're the master. Let me let me ask you. Did you make it a Vietrovian man? Yes, I make it a Trouvian man. His arms are above his head, his arms to the side, his arms on the bottom, his legs spread whide, his legs closer together. I drew out the Vitruvian man, just as you asked me to. Or do you mean did I come up with the concept? Did you come up with the guns? No? I know you came up with the concept. Okay, alright,

So I think I'm a time of in. Is gonna work? Justify just I know it? It will work. It that's the problem. It's a photographer. Yeah, I think we're we're getting a little lost here. Yeah, tell me where I mean? Yeah, I'm a photographer. I was. I assumed you knew I was your father? Yes, they call him dad, don't that That's what That's what was confusing me. Well, you see, I saw this at the at the prom, at the gymnasium itself. Not we are right now dancing. Yeah, but

look they're still trying to work it out. They don't even know themselves. It's that confused, it really is. Hey, you might splashing some water on me. I'm being tired. Yeah, you breathe, you breathe water. That's that's how it works. You're fishman. So the assam was that my father was at the actual problem and not at I wouldn't understand the stairway picture in the home. Okay, Okay, okay, I gotta stop a things right here. Sorry, yes, yes, don't

don't freak out. Oh my gosh, I'm a Leonardo da Vinci. Holy hell. Okay, it wasn't never supposed to get this way. Okay, are you alive? Are you an apparition? No? No, I'm a hearing What is this? Two? Yes? Yeah? In in the United States of America, Okay, in a California, Okay, in a Los Angeles. This is amazing, all right, Mr Gail, Mrs Amacas, Mr Spielberg, We've got some notes on your first aff for Back to the Future. H We're gonna

keep the prom setting. We like that, and we're gonna keep the mom relationship, but we're not going to make it as complicated as you did. We're not gonna put a sister part in. Well really, yeah, that's not really tracking for us, because I mean, the whole idea of a guy having to take his sister to the prom, but the photographer is also his dad, and the dad here's the important. The important is the dad and sister were friends. All Right, I'm gonna think of all the

complications that that will ensue. So let me ask you a question. Is there a scenario where I hop back in that sheet machine and when I come back, you're not my mom or my sister, but you're just my straight up prom date. This is a creepy question. The way that you're looking at me, it seems like you don't want me to be your family anymore, and that I don't like that. Listen, the only person who can go you should be carrying this around. This isn't your

time machine. Okay, your father photographer and I found it together when we were on our honeymoon. It's not yours to tote around, and it's not yours to go into. We are the ones who went into it, and we are the only ones who could go back. Fine, if Leonardo was right, these are the rules, he told me. What are you saying, Mom's this? I'm I mean, I'm just saying it's all kind of a wash, right, Like it's all just hypothetical. Zone really knows what if I

punched Dad right now? You just punched him, but not really kicked out of the prom. You're lucky that's turned out for what's playing, and you're lucky about that. So tell me again which one is the carnitas and the which one is the carne asada? Because of that, they all taste amazing to me, Mr da Vinci. If you've just been standing next to us with this buffet plate the whole time. Look, I look out and there's like a there's like a taco truck on the every corner here. Yes,

it's California, it's Los Angeles. Incredible, you have this available everything. You have ruined our family. Hey, Mike, it's me, your neighbor. I know we don't hang out a lot lately because you know, I got that time machine thing, so I've been like leaving stuff and checking things out. But I miss you, dude. Yeah. Man, uh yeah, I miss hanging with you too. How's life in the real world? That's all right? Um, you know my gils disappeared? What does

that mean? Did I do that? Probably? But that did I ever have them? Yeah? Good question. Could you just like just stay put, you know, like, let's just ride our bikes around, you know, let's just play video games and drink bound dude and has some Mike and Ike and and just speak kids again. You know, it sounds nice. You know what, Maybe we should destroy that stupid machine. So I'm never tempting. No one else has ever tempted again,

all right, but maybe take Da Vinci back first. I don't know he buys his he could buy his beer, right sir, Hey you want the beer, I get you beer. And see that's kind of cool. Yeah, you're right, keep them around. I'll keep him around. But smash smash this machine and just get back to being kids. Yeah, let's do it. There's also n as a nobody cares that that mcgay here. It's it's really it's a really wonderful. Yeah no, it's not a problem. Not a problem, not

in United States, California, Los Angeles. But you're saying else where. Listen, sometimes things can go straight up completely Texas and then it gets like sideways. But we don't want to get into that. Uh, sweetie bro, are you trying to tell me your friend wants to be a normal kid? And that and he said that means what Mike and Ikes Mountain dew video games, riding bikes. Probably a backwards hatter two okay? And and and you think that he's from

because it sounds like that's a time traveler. Wait what well he gave me this Rubik's cuban is slinky? Does that mean anything to you? Uh? Yeah, sweetie bro, it really does. What is it? What? What time is he freeting? Incredibly eighties? Incredibly eighties? I mean, Mike and Ikes are here, but my god, you really have the search to find him and no one likes well that that that's okay.

We wrote it. We wrote it in the eighties. Uh we we just you know, the the the studios at the time didn't have the balls to make the story that we wanted to tell. Now now that we've sent ourselves to two So I'm still Steven Spielberg, but I'm in two thousand twenty two, But I want to make the movie now. With you guys. Is that is that confusing? Um? Could we could we updated? Um? I see that you did a second draft in the nineties where POGs make a big appearance. But could we just make us make

a current I'll make it a lot easier. And please ignore the fact that that Bob's meckis has gills. Now we don't somehow that happened along the way. Uh? But we and no and no version of the timeline did we hook up? We were always just friends. We were always just friends. Senora da Vinci, you're back. I've been so worried about you. The workshop is not to be in the same since since you left. What what are you eating? I had so many street tacos? What is

the street tacos? That's our second see see three comes to us from listener Todd Tambling suggestion convention for people who are bad at parking regards Todd, Oh, I want to go into Uh. I want to go see that booth. Oh yeah, that booth for the people that just park a teensy bit in the red. Hi there, How can I help you? Hi? Um? I was really interested about possibly parking a little bit in the red And how I can get away with it. Sure, So we have brochures here as you can see there. It gives you

some diagrams. And basically what we're doing is we're not breaking the law. We're just breaking the law, you know, piecing people off sometimes and that's fine too. Yeah, sometimes that is fine because no one, no one can really know what true happiness is if they don't experience true rage. Wow, we should write that down. I should wear a slogan here. Oh my gosh, do you need I mean, I haven't

worked in years? Well, then no, they know what I don't need somebody who hasn't worked in years, and then don't use my slogan. That's my intellectual property. I'm useful and I'm valuable in this world, and someone someone's going to recognize that one day. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. Um, why don't I go over a couple of the benefits for parking tincy tiny and to the red um. One benefit is, um, I can see your man. I'm in a bad mood. Now. I'm in a bad mood. Now, okay,

how can we fix this? Have you? Okay? There are so many other places to go at tension Convention ears the following license plates are being towed for illegally being parked in front of the building. Yes, that's me. Excuse me, miss, you look pretty angry. Would you like to check out some of our literature. This is for people that park way over to the left side, kind of between the lines.

M hmm. I'm not even understanding that. I'm someone who parks perpendicular in a parallel So well, this is for when there's a spot with two lines clearly up and you put way over on one side or the other side. Really like now, I understand straddling the line. Yes, straddling for the straddlers. We should write that down straddling. Yeah, it's a great slogan. Actually, Um, if you're looking for someone who can can do that, I happen to be

between jobs. Oh, I mean we're You've got four pamphlet guys right now, and I don't I mean three of them are my nephews. I can't really let them go, but thank you. Sure. I mean, any any workforce could um benefit from having a woman, So think about it. Hey, hey, you're coming over to my booth, coming over to my booth. Um, I gotta go, but any turn around, turn around turn around, turn around, turn around to back it up? Okay okay left or back to the right, straight straight it out,

straight it out, okay, forward, okay, okay, back it up. Shoot, okay, back it up to the right, the right, strain it up, straight up, all right, okay, back it up? Okay, okay, good right, good? Who I haven't gotten that right? Safer to back in? It's safer to and then you can and then you can just get right out. I love a convention that has like a physical fitness element to it. It really gives you extra energy to keep going for the day. Yeah, yes, and I love it so much.

It uh it's going Okay, there's no need to bark, all right. Sorry, I'm just so excited. I think I just got a job. Oh yeah, I haven't worked in years. Um doing slogan for that guy he kind of said no. But I feel like I really gave him, you know, a bit of a of a of a stab and a twist to really uh convince him to take to take me on. So I'm feeling pretty good, and I'm feeling and you know, invariated out. Sorry I left. I left a while ago. I was sitting here, I heard

everything you said. Great. Um, yeah, I'm just I'm just looking at my my my maps from the uh the convention. Your boy, they made this real confusing with all the one way pathways. You know what, I'm just gonna go the opposite direction, get where I'm going faster. You uh, you look real familiar to me. Um, you're not, are you the Are you a lady that has that intellectual property about not knowing true happiness unless you've own true rage? Yes,

well I've got your intellectual property right here. Will you sign it for me. I'm a huge fan of your work. I would be happy to This is so, this is amazing because really you changed my life, like I know true happiness Right now, I am a fucking rage monster. I've killed hundreds and it's all thanks to you. I just gotta say, it's a real, real, real treat to meet you. Wow, it is very special to meet you. It is very I'm sorry for you to have that experience. Um,

but I'm happy that you're able to sorry. On the other side of the storm cloud, all the storm cloud is the rainbow. This is great. Rage has made me so happy. In fact, I think I'm just gonna go outside with this old safe I found to drop it on as many cars as I can. Attention conventioners, Attention convention ears. It is now time for the panel discussion. Please make your way to the auditorium. Please make your way to the auditorium. Excuse me, part of me? Hey, hey, hey, sorry,

I just want to sit. It's excuse me. It's just there's a panel. It's a panel. We're all here for the same fucking panel. Just we're trying to get the front. Hey, conventioneers, welcome, welcome, welcome. We're in these sitting seeds. Stop it, I mean this works, this works. It does not. I was in this chair. It's one chair per person. What are you doing? All right? Who's excited? Who's excited? Stop? We've got a panel, so many owners of souped up sports cars who just leave

them anywhere they want in the parking lot. Let's check in with them right now. Hey, how's everybody doing? My name is Trip. Uh, this is my is my daughter and my friend. Hi you. I'm cantina Um and I'm so happy. I'm so excited to be here. Sometimes I do borrow my dad's car. Alright, Trip, tell us about your vehicle? What kind of is and where you leave it? Uh, this is a Lamborghini, and uh I leave it wherever the that's right. One time I drove it into an

outdoor mall. Just throw it right in hell. Yeah, And I punished her. I punished her as a daughter, but I supported her as a friend. He's my best friend. My dad is my best friend. Thanks for being here, Tripping Cantina. Everybody going on the line. I know you guys are excited. Rudolpho is here, Rodolpho, Yeah, I was. I was fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This guy just scooched right up next to me. Fine, we're fine. We're

not fine. This is my seat, like I was, I said in the front room because I knew I was going to get called on because I'm one of the I'm not gonna go. I have a ninety one Lotus. Okay, I have a ninety one Lotus? All right, Rodolpho, And where do you leave that car? Wherever I want? I have an illegal handicapped placard. Actually just changed the date on a temporary placard, so it looks like I bought myself several years by turning the zero to an eight.

So now it's good until this is my Sorry folks, sorry folks, you've been doing this panel for for thirty one minutes. It's a a thirty minute limit. Come up. We were just we were just finishing. We were just we just we just finishing. We were just finishing. Sorry, I can't do anything. I can't do anything. There's your ticket, officer, what kind of what kind of car do you drive? Officer? Drive a cop car? And where do you leave it? Wherever? The fun? That's right? Yeah, wow, oh we'll wrap this.

We'll wrap this up. Guys, thanks for coming. Please go back out to the main exhibit. For man, what a great panel. That was not just on my lap. It's just just informative, so informative. Hey, uh, do you even think about starting a car club? Yeah? Probably a part of one. Huh No, I mean I have thought of starting one, but I don't know anybody that would want to be in a car club with me. I just feel like it would be cool to be a part of, like, you know, community, every were the only two people in

the room. Now, can I have the rest of this chair? Okay? Okay, okay, okay okay okay. So my idea would be like the door dingers, the door dingers, the door dangers. Oh like we just part next to people and smash their doors a little. Yeah, you know, I maybe I misjudged you ill be door dingers. I think you know, I think excuse me? Did you just ding my door? Here we go? Yes we did, Yes we did, And what of it? We're the door dingers. Well, I'm gonna have to get

your insurance information this huge dang on my door. Yes, you have to do insurance for a door. It's a door dang. What's door dan dang? I'm gonna have to get this ding danged out? Are you? Are you looking to get this ding ding out? Gonn it be undang? We can undang, we can dong, we can ding out, we can d ding. I don't want a dong, Okay, Well, the dong is the dong is the lowest model. I wasn't gonna try to pitch you on. The Look at the sign over here, Look at the sign over here.

You see that at the banking, the fifty nine dollars the dong. That's fifty nine dollar dong, seventy nine dollar undang, a hundred and twenty nine dollar d ding. Do you want a d ding and undang or a dong. Now if you want to do a dong is two fifty dollars, but we only do those for foreign cars. Uh, well, I I do have a Mercedes benz Um that counts. I'm sorry. I can't tell domestic from for and I grew up in Germany, so that to me is at

domestic dog. Hey, danks for coming and get in a second opinion, we could definitely beat the prices here and ding dong the ding is gone. And I came up with that slogan. By the way, it's great, it's great. It crought my eye on the Yellow Pages, and yes, I still use the Yellow Pages. So yeah, what they what they want? Seventy nine nine, we'll go seventy six nineties six the ding ding, the ding is gone. The thing is that we will be any price by three

bucks a cantina. Yeah, I was thinking, I think maybe this relationship ain't working out after all. Um, okay, I'm I don't know. I'm kind of tightening up my driving skills a little bit. My parking skills are part of my driving skills. I'm sorry. Is it because you drive your car? Well, it's a good car. Every time you

like you can get away with it. You know, it's like you cant, We're well, I could, I could get a lot of trouble whenever mind's parked, wherever it looks like it's a display and people think, like, I wonder if there's going to be a street fair today or like some kind of parade. This is probably here for a reason. Let me take a picture with it instead of you know, so yeah, yeah, yeah, you drive an You drive your dad's eighty nine Lamborghini. I drive eighty

nine Lamborghini, that's right. And you drive your Toyota camera two thousand, which is like a fine car. It's very reliable and extremely safe and it gets good gas mileage. But at the end of the day, if you're breaking up with me, because I'm right into that lambo um, just know that my dad's gonna be pretty piste. He hates when his best friend daughter gets dumped on. He's very protective. Excuse me, sir, is this your two thousand Toyota camera? Yes, sir, you just can't leave this wherever

the funk you want. This is a two thousand Toyota camera. You need to move it to that spot over there. I'm just parking. I can't park, I can't get right here. You can't just leave it here. It's not an eighty nine lambo. Okay, it's you gotta actually put it in the lines. Who do you work for? Exactly? I work for Big Car? You mother fuck? Okay, okay, I see what's going on here? Fine? Yeah? Wa when wait when we went wait? Wait? Wait? Wait when wa wa? Wait?

Wit went Daddy? I need to talk to you as a daughter, as a friend right now, I'm going to say friend. Let's go friend first. Cool cool Okay, So you know that I was dating Dustin and he was pretty cool, sometimes paid for my meals, had a cool dick, so I was kind of into it. Didn't really make me laugh. But again, the cool dick right right, sort like plant. He he was getting weird over texts, so I could tell all that like things were a little off.

And then he totally dumped me. And then he said it was because of my my parking and his park and he just made it about the cars. And it's just making me feel like do I need to Oh it's okay, okay, Because I was like, gosh, do I need to change? Like, do I need to start driving normal, like a normal car, or like normally? Can I can I talk to you with your father for a second? Um, yeah, okay, talk to you as my father. I know you're gonna apologize to that boy. You need to apologize to that boy.

Kick his ass. Sorry, I ain't got time for apologies. I got this dolorium over here, and I got a promt to get too, so I will catch you later. Did you guys see that time travel with the cool dick? Yeah? I used to date him. That's our show. Oh, thank you everyone for playing Cole st and thank you for joining us today. Where can people find you? You can find me on I think Instagram is at Stratton, Cole

twitters at Cole Stratton Friends. Stare is non existent. Uh. Go to Westside Comedy dot com check out several shows Coverts and Friends. Do a TV reunion show right now which is really fun, where we reunited show that never existed? Um, also pretty Pretty Pony first Thursday of the month at ten pm. And sketch us dot com Hold on real quick, That Cobord show was a really really cool concept. We'll just just give to give us ten more seconds on

the one with that is exactly. I love that. So what we do is we get from the audience, we get the style of show, like the genre, like sci fi western, whatever, the year the show premiered, how many seasons it ran in the title of the show, and then we do a reunion of the cast and crew of it. And that's a lot of fun. That is so wild. Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. I love that. Craig Atkowski, thank you so much for bringing the noise and bringing

the funk. Good. I brought both. Yeah, There's been episodes in the past where I've only brought the noise and I sometimes will bring the phone, but I felt like today I did. I brought both. But you would you would warn me ahead of time to bring both. Absolutely. Uh. Speaking of bringing the funk, I saw a video of you dancing at a wedding this past weekend, and you were fucking bringing it. I requested it at the time to not be filled. Also requested later for it not

to be put on social media. But you know, sometimes, you know, people just go against your wishes, and uh, and it gets out there and it's it's permanent, it's there, and um, yeah, you can you can probably see it on on my instaf I just I just like that both of your requests were just ignored completely. Don't don't video, don't post, Jackie d Ruthy, thank you so much for being here. Where can we find you? I'm at Jackie

d Ruthy on Instagram. Craig. You know, sometimes people are proud of you and they know that you can't see what they see, and they wanna they want to raise you up in in every talent you have, whether you acknowledge it or not. Um, I'm at Jackie d Ruthie, And gosh is it early to say this, but I'm going to I don't care. It's almost Uh, the spring is turning into summer. And I don't know when this episode is coming out, certainly not certainly, probably not in June.

But if it does, guess what's next month? Why? It's Christmas in July. I co host The Most Wonderful Pot of the Year And yes we do a quick month stint in July and review for great movies. Uh to laugh at? So uh watch out watch out for that. Yeah, never too early to plug that. Never, It's never too early because I'm thinking about Christmas and July all the time. That's right, that's right, Mark Gagliardi, thank you so much for being here. Where can we find you? Uh, it's

a delight as always to be here, my friend. If you want to find me online, just google Craig Kowski Wedding Dance and you will find where I'm doing all my shows. We got this with Mark and Hall on Maximum Fun, Blood and Treasure. Anything you want to find out about me, just google Craig Atkowski Wedding Dance. You'll find it. Love it. Thank you so much, and let's think our engineer and producer to the stars, Mr Doug Babe,

and the fine folks that I heart media. I've been your host, Chris Alvarado, and I thank you for listening, and until next time, everybody as a