Happy Folks Welcome An Arsehole.

Can we started? Cat? Hey? Good catch at first, you know, thirty seconds, then seventeen minutes in. Plus I believe I have a little experience with giving more than one take. Okay, if you want me to welcome back to another yet on before it's a little much. Uh yeah, okay, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin Pollock? What's that? No? Too many cooks in the kitchen is a good thing? And yes, I am shooting an episode of Beat Bobby Flay next

week to prove my theory. But I digress. Let's make an archamis shot. We in no particular or let's quickly checking with James Heeney for his Oddities from around the World segment. Jimmy John Okay, uh, the most odd thing from around the world. I have a whole like I have a a piece of saran wrap that I've wrapped around a bunch of coins from all over the world. I found out that they're worth basically nothing, but they

look like maybe treasure. How many coins? I don't know if that's you know, I didn't realize that the your corner, your Oddities from around the World corner was going to be about your very own possessions. But I'm I'm sort of thrilled, but I'm also curious. How many coins make up this seran rap bag of coins? So it's about twelve quinch? I mean, I gotta be honderstand. Wasn't expecting an around the world question. I don't have anything on

the world. I guess we'll do improv later and you feel, hey, there's Jack and Gonzalez. Third thing, the D is for dancing machine. How did you learn to dance as a teenager? Wow? Well, actually we had as a pre teenager. They were like that our parents would put together. So uh, like a group of like twelve, like six girls and six boys would go to someone's house and get like a lesson on how to at as a preteen, this happen, and

that was as a pre teen. As a teenager, I learned on the streets and on the on the dance floor straight up the way the rest of it. Okay, that's fair. Yeah, Oh and um, Dance Empire. I'll shout out Dance Empire for like the five classes that I took there in high school. Shout out to Dance Empire. Dig it and thank you. Now please welcome back a tool, sing Jennie. When did you change your name to a tool? I didn't realize I had this access, did you? No,

I'm not even sure what the first version of it is. Um, that's the born name, So I'm not quite sure what data it is. If you're talking about pronunciation, it was very early on. If you're talking about the name I use an elementary school, then they'll change at middle school. And that's where I'll leave that. That's why you'll leave that teases a whopper and lets it go talking about

catch and release. Hey, last, but only one lays potato chip If you think him least it's Mark Gagliardi bed rock boy favorite punch line from an animal that was a weirdly functioning tool on the Flintstones. Please didn't they all have the exact same punchline, which was, it's a lamb on a record player. Yeah, exactly. A pterodactyl was the record player. There's like a probably a broad asaurus, I would guess was their garage door opener, probably had

like a little baby raptor. As their just said, it's a living, it's it's a living, and thank you for that. Let's do a damn show. All of our scene suggestions, of course, gathered from your listener emails and I love reading them. Chris reads them and enjoined us too. We have a shared doct that we load them into now and um, thank you all so very much for responding to our my outcry from more and now we we um we have a lot, but if you would like to keep setting them in, I can't thank you enough

and encourage you to do so. Um if you, uh yeah, right to us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. However, before I repeat that, we do have a lot of scenes sug justice coming in from our Patriots supporters. Oh yeah, now you may be wondering, well, Patriot supporter, why is that a thing? What happens for that? Well, as a supporter of the show, you might have an option or an opportunity to join us in our zoom recording sessions.

That's right right now, there is an alcomaniac that's the highest level of patrons support in our zoom session who is uh able to hang out with us beforehand, during to watch and then afterwards to chat some more. It's quite the experience and I'm sure Catherine will be writing about it soon and I'll share those reviews with you. Um. We also record stat alone bonus scenes for you. There's all kinds of perks as a Patron supporter. If you'd like to join that effort, head on over to patron

dot com. Slash alchemy This that email again if you'd like to just write in a scene suggestion via email is alchemy this email at gmail dot com, Email dot com. Such a strange and wonderful tradition. Seen one comes from listener Josh, who wrote to that very email. Hi there, Kevin and co. Your call to email has been heard. Yeah, just kind of went over that, Josh, He goes on, would you please explore what might happen in the following scenario.

There is a nice organization full of caring, positive conflict adverse people who believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt. They employ and ours whole in parentheses. Asshole? Uh what happens next? Josh from Perth, Australia, Hence the use of the word ours. Okay, okay, superheroes, how are you filling this quarter? A little nervous, A little nervous, but happy. You know, we've our numbers are okay, they're not great. But as long as as long as all

of our customers are satisfied. That's It's not about the number of customers, is about how happy we make them, right, bus. Absolutely, we are going to switch things up this quarter. So INVISI man, you're actually going to be in charge of robberies. That's this, that's your that's your call this quarter. Oh cool, that's exciting. That's for you. Armor boy. I just want to clarify, is he committing robberies? Now? He's he's going to help um stop robberies stop. I think it's going

to be a great fit for me. Thank you, good leadership. Thank you. Oh my gosh, thank you. I'm our boy. Um, you're taking on murders, so thank you. I will not I will not let you down. I appreciate the trust in me, and I appreciate it. Thank you, UM stretching man, you're taking on your taking on um violent assault. Oh gosh,

I'm not well. I'm happy to do it. As Look as long as as long as all of our customers are happy and satisfied with with what we give them as superheroes, and and we take care of them, that's what matters. That's what matters. Yes, and um son son men in Yeah, try not to be so confused by its sun Man. Yes, I gather power from the sun and use it any damn way, I please? And you omit those rays? Yeah? Can you put Yeah? Put it.

That's going to happen when the sun free put in him because we're a team team two letters and team m E four letters. But okay letters to well some man you are you have the task of um do I do I have that task for this quarter? Yeah? Okay, you can do it, sun man. We believe in you, son man, We believe in you know. I didn't mean, uh was I capable of doing it? I am sure I'm capable of doing all of these assignments. While I sleep, I was questioning, is this the best use of my powers? Right? Um?

You know, we just kind of we like to switch it up to that no one gets so it's just for one quarter. I'm just the mouthpiece. Uh. You know, I'm just speaking on your behalves of we do need someone to kind of run the show. If some man wants my murders, I'll give him my murders and and I'll take terrorism. Will that make you happy? Son man? I don't know that any of these options are going to make me quote unquote happy. Uh. And also I would love to see you mess up the murders assignment.

So no, I'm not going to switch with you. You're funny. You know what's really funny, son Man, is sometimes it's kind of hard to be happy. But if you think it with a smile, sometimes it kind of X you you know. And that's why when I'm doing any of the crime stopping I do. What was your superpower again? Well, I can be invisible, so sometimes it sometimes it doesn't really come across as much. But you'd be surprised they can hear it in my poe. Right. So is your

nickname perv man? Um? Okay, No, Well, I'd like to put a vote to the superhero team m that's his new nickname, perv Man. Look, everyone knows if you have the power of invisibility what you're doing with it. Okay, Wow, maybe that's just a personal choice that you would make. No, I'm sure she's he wouldn't do that either, nobody. Let's go around and ask everybody what's the first thing they would do if they had the power of invisibility. Let's start with can I go for giggles? Let's go with

the armor man? What do you got? All right? I would use his powers the same as he would to stop crying. Yeah, high five? Well I didn't see your out there? It is okay, okay? And then what was the other are me? Stretchy man? That's such a put a quarter in the jar? I'm so sorry to be

a stickler about that. Yeah. Yeah, if I was invisible, I would just you know, I guess I just follow people if they dropped something, and then I'd pick it up and put it back in their pocket for them, so they wouldn't be embarrassed that they dropped something and they had to have the stranger started. Is it really so when you say you would put it back in their pocket, that's a little invasion. Everybody on the ground.

Put your hands off in the air. But stay on the don't look at me, don't look at me coming up the site. You got it, but just a sick Everyone else called out, I'm just for you too, right, damn it? Alright, guys, I'm a member of a superhero talking. I well you don't know because I'm invisible. Say that now, but most of those people would be seen saying it, and you don't see me. Right, how about high five to you? Buck? Really? So there it is. I mean it could get a lot worse. But if you guys

just pack your bags and head out. Ski Um, no harm, no fault. I need this money. Uh, this is how I want to get it. So that seems fair. I mean she's made her case pretty well. Okay, okay, that sounds well. Why don't you help us, in visible freak wherever you are, and then you will get out of you You get out of your way, well that much quicker and nobody gets hurt. Well, you can do this

without stealing. Let's just everybody here the ground. We're going to be stealing makes What if I said stealing makes me happy? It gets rock visible person. What if we're borrowing the money and not stealing it? Are you borrowing? I'm gonna say yes, Well, I'll tell you I can help you with that. I can help you guys with that. But you're gonna pay. We're not paying it back, We're

bringing it back. We're actually just physically borrowing it from this location for three days and then bringing it right back. We're gonna put it in an other banks, so we are going to return it to US bank. That sounds solid to me. I mean, I believe people are inherently good. Can these people stand up? They probably don't want to be laying. I don't want them to look in my face. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It's an invasion of a

privacy if you understand. Hey, I get it. People don't get to look at my face and I have a sore face. So that's enough. I'm sorry that was a snotty. I mean, you were making a point and God pleasure. It was pretty pretty sweet, pretty convincing. You slipped me a convince it. My old boss used to say, thank you, thank you. Now, can you help with the safe opening by any chance? Yeah, I'm sure who's who's the manager here?

I'm the manager. Can we get the safe number? These guys are gonna bring it back in a few days, and if we can wrap this up, nobody will get hurt. Mr Invisible, We we respect your talents, but unfortunately I do not believe that they will be bringing them. He shut and let's just kind of from snipe. You're lucky I don't have my quarter jar here because you guys

are speaking pretty naughty here. Yeah. Uh, you know what I just gotta say, Professor Boss that we should really be commending in Vision man for what he did the other day. I mean, we were all gonna go and watch him. We're gonna have that big party when they bring the money back in a couple of days. I just, I just I just really want can we put a sticker for him on the board. I mean, he doesn't even have room from any more stickers next to his name.

But I don't want to be a damper. I never want to be a damper on the piano keys of this team. I never want to be a damper on the piano keys of this team. Does sound familiar? Mm hmm. I don't want to stop the sound. I want to keep the sound reverberating around that good, good energy. But this quarter was really really rang. Uh. This is a man you helped. Uh, you helped a team of two steal over. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. It sounds like

you've been hanging out with sun Man. But I thought Sun Man, I mean I didn't hang out outside of this, of this meeting and tell your dating just just don't you're dating sun Man. Of course you haven't given anyone the benefit of the doubt and the whole day. Okay, yeah, go on a for you dates. I wouldn't say. We haven't really labeled it. We went for coffee the first time, no nobody got hurt, nobody got invaded. And then uh the second time, well, I just want to say that

they aren't that wasn't stealing, that wasn't stealing. They're bringing it back and we're throwing a party. And I thought that we had we'll get together and throw the party. Well here's the thing. We have Armor man who was supposed to stop a gruesome murderer of five, and the murderer was able to convince you that murdering these people would bring them joy, and you let that happen. But you should have heard what he said to me. Do you want to hear what happened? So what I'm saying is,

if you'll let me guilt these people. You're telling me, these are the worst people in the world. Remember reading, remembering, and you know how all of this offspring changed their last night. I've been tracking down the real Hitler's my entire life, and these five. So this is like that that that famous kind of uh, what do you call it? Situation where like if you could go back in time, but we're in the present and we have an option

to kill Hitler. Sure, but I'm saying these are offspring, Yeah, offspring kids, Well, all grow up now, it's been a while, but they have children. He's already killed a couple of children. Any kind of these Hitler's when they change their names. So these five are the ones I've been able to catch so far. What I'm saying is, if you allow me to remove them from loving society, it's gonna be good. Shut up over there. I just you just what you

want to explain yourself, Hitler, I don't want to. First of all, I took a twenty three and me and I'm barely even German. Okay. But secondly, oh, how uh you know? I guess I don't have anything else to say except I think he plans on wearing our skin. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I don't know who to believe here. It's just so confusing. But the problem is, armor man, is that those five nuns that he killed were the only ones who worked

at the orphanage on center Field and Sixth. Well, I don't know that he said they were Hitlers. Can I put a sticker next to his name on the board? I I don't have any stickers to give this. It's okay, I'm super stretchy. I'll reach over to the staple store down the street. Got them stickers, stretch Man. Let's not even get what Yeah off, sir um. We had a bunch of stickers and stuff here and then they were stolen. We looked at the camera and we got some footage

on who might have taken them. So we just like to follow report. And why don't you go ahead and show me the video we have. Sure we have to go in the bet and you want to write any of this down? Officer? What am I waitress? No show me the video? You said you had video? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I wasn't trying to I mean, nothing wrong with being a waitress either. I was trying to insult you. I was just saying I thought you had to follow me to write down. And then the guy who was assistant

manager at Staples said something important. Actually, actually I'm you're probably remember me from last time. I'm general manager. Now what happened to general? Yeah? Cong did you have to go through some sort of qualifying process? Yeah? Yeah, well somebody they just pointed around the room until you're razed. Terry did quit um, but I think I was. I was getting primed and prepped for this band. I'm sure. So let's show me to tape then, Yeah, I get

a parking spot. Now, so you're the general manager? Can we call you the gr Thank you? Yeah? I make some of the employees call me that. They don't like it, but we're well GM, twinkle nuts. Why don't you show me to tape? Now? It's it's pronounced to uncle all right here we go. No, that's okay, Wait, what was the pressing play? I'm sorry, what was that? Let me play right there? Yeah, I thought that's that the thing

you're talking about, That's what I'm talking about. Normally we have some teenagers, some preteens coming here, just like the hand of arm I know some of my employees think it was Stretching Man. We don't want to point fingers, but I think we need the point fingers. I mean, who we have the tape. I really love giving gold stars, but that doesn't sound like you saved the day, Mr stretching Man. Well, I put a sticker next to your name.

I put a sticker next to Army Man's name. And do you even think that in Vision Man deserves that, considering he was supposed to be in charge of rob Breeze and you technically robbed the staples and he didn't do anything about it. I was, oh, oh, I didn't even think about the fact that that might have been a robbery. I'm just so used to having these stretchy arms so I can just kind of reach around town

and grab whatever I want whenever I want. Let's not even talk about the assaults that you were supposed to stop or at least help. The real problem is sun man police here. How did the police, um you become invisible? You? Yeah, yeah, no, sorry son man here, I might have told a couple of the police guys where the breath? Well listen. They didn't wanted donations. I didn't have any money on me, so I said, how about if I tell you where

our secret layer is? And then then one thing leads to the anyways, this is this is gonna be a problem with our relationship. But why don't you you go in, officer dunk Balls? What can we do for you? It's pronounced dump coomba And uh, I'm just here. We're following up on a case. My partner is at the local Staples Staples store yuh um uh huh oh that's who we're looking for right there, Mr stretchy man. Do you think we could come down to downtown and answer a

few questions for us? I you know I would, But I'm right in the middle of a meeting here, and I've been here all day eating this big bucket of chicken from can't see that this one right here? What the hell is going on? Who's the manager here of the of this team. We don't have a manager anymore since Terry left, but somebody's gonna get his parking space soon.

But Professor Boss is technically the boss. I don't know what kind of meeting or team you're running, but I need to borrow him, and you need to and the meeting or release him well without a wall, aren't I'm not sure that I do need to do any of that. I haven't warned. Also, stretching man, couldn't you stretch on down to his office before him and come right back. You can only stretch one body part at a time. I can't stretch my whole body places. I don't. That

is a limitation. All right, still needs you downtown, So let's once you get in the car that's right outside the layer. Let's go, buddy, Before you go, Stretching man, can I ask a real quick question, as the new guy and the group, is the stretchy thing you you can do? Uh, one extremity at a time? Does that make you extraordinarily popular with your sexual preferred partners? All women want is for a really long, stretchy thing to reach our our organs in our chest. He could be gay,

I said, sexual preference. Yeah, so it doesn't. Maybe it's not because I know what that's what men want, and it's seen one. I just in a tool character to insist that that's what he wants. See two comes from patrin Acomaniac Kevin Product, who wrote, Hey, did you know that in the early nineteen forties, New York City made pinball machines illegal? Yeah? Me neither, but don't worry. In nineteen seventy six the city reversed the law or repealed it. I don't know. I'm not a lawyer, so please don't

sue me. Seen suggestion speak easy but for pinball. Thanks Tommy Johnson the surgery six oh two. Alright, come on in you what you got? Got the new machines? Yeah, yeah, we got the good. We got the good Adams Family. Yeah. Oh, in the Twilight Zone we got the Adam's family got the Twilight Zone. We even got uh the Monhak madness back in the back. We got Monhak madness in the back. Here here's your here's your stein of Stein of Tolkins. Thank you so damn much. Hey, just remember where you got.

We're all big fans of yours. Here, just so you know, we read, we read the paper yesterday. We're all big fans of yours, Thanks very much. What was your name? My name? Yeah? Man, you want my given name or you want my nickname. Let's start with a given name. My given name is Peter. And they call you David. It's cool, David. Can I call you David? Please call me David. I'll be in the back if anybody asks. We're big fans of yours here, man, Hell of a thing you did? Hell of a thing you did? Man?

Did I have a choice? Excuse me? Um? Is I'm here to play some pin balls? This the player password? Oh? So there's pinball machines here? Is that clear password? So? Can you just give me a yes or no? If there's pinball machines behind the store? Do you think I'm an idiot? You're supposed to tuck the wire underneath your shirt? Oh yeah, what are you doing back in the vad You're supposed to go bust us sticking out? Oh my god, that's my bad. That could have got you killed. I

can't go back. He's seen my face. You should go. He hasn't seen you. Yeah, you put here. Let me take this off. It's here, you go now you wear it Okay, can you see it? No, you gotta stick it in right here? Yeah, there it is all right, this is your first time out there. Just remember we got you. Okay, this is a little the microphone. Alright. She it's me. I'm a normal Just be yourself, all right. But I'm supposed to blend in with like organized crime. Okay,

but just do what you got you know what to do? Luck? Password? Ah? A password? Wow? Uh oh? Let's see here. H is there pinball inside password? I think it's Thomas Surgery Room two six. Do you think I'm an idiot? Huh? You're still wearing your badge around your neck. All right, we're both burned. We're both burned. Ship all right, ship, excuse me, sir. Um, I don't need to enter your establishment. I was just

wondering if you wanted to buy some chocolates. I just was wondering if you would like to buy some chocolates. I'm trying to fund my six hundred and third surgery pass word. Um, I have dark chocolate milk chocolate. My name is Tommy. Do you think I'm an idiot? What? Wait? What did you say? Your name was Tommy? And Tommy? What my last name? Is Dillard. But I'm I'm here selling job. It's because I'm trying to fund my six

hundred and third six oh three surgery. So if you're not going to do it for anything else, close enough, Come on in, what come on in? Come on in. Here's your stein full of tokens. Whoa wait, is this like real money? Put that down? Don't let not until the door shut. Oh sorry, sorry, Okay, now let the door shut. It's not real money. Those are tokens, a little gold coins. When was the last time you use little gold coins to buy anything? No? I never have. Look,

here's the deal. We got all the we got all the machines you want, any machine you want to play. Those tokens are good for him. There's only one. Will do not go in the back room. There's a v I P back there right now? Okay, okay, there's a v I P back there with a lot of money and a real sweet tooth. But you cannot go back there to that door. Okay, do you mentioned wanting to buy chocolate, But do not go back there to that door. Okay, Um, playing machine you want, I'm gonna turn my back and

not look at what you're doing. Thank you. Oh hey, you're killing it. Wow, Adam's mortisia just flipped over. That's amazing. I'm trying to keep my head in the game. Please please, Okay, sorry, just I know that you need I need an elbow room. I'm trying to hit these flippers. Okay, to step back. Sure, I know for me, I need energy. And what's a better player? Your heads hanging over the table? I can't see the table. What's a better place to fuel up?

Get energy? Then with a delicious chocolate bar? Son of the Oay, okay, who are you? I'm Tommy Dillard and I'm trying to fund my six hundred and third surgery and if you would like to buy one or even more chocolate bars, that would be a huge help for me. Well tell you what, take what are those quarters? You beat my high score and I'll get a box of cookies, Like how did how did that work? I'll donate, but you gotta beat my high schoore. Um, okay, so I

just pulled this thing. These things high schooling for six We'll get this kid. Go oh no, I I promised to pay every dollar over her over my high score that she beats me. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Kids are real, wizard, you're gonna pay up? Are you gonna face the music? I thought maybe we'd all maybe killer. I don't I don't know, kill a kid who's had surgeries. I mean, I don't have that kind of money. I mean, somebody's gonna stop this kid. We can't stop the kid.

That was a legal bet. We all watched you make it. Even as a man, I can make it stop. I can just stop playing, But you got to pay me my big box high School New high score. You ask the v I p in the back room if he's got the money, he's heading there next. Oh all right, I'll go back there. Then I'll keep playing ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Hey need a password if you want to get back here? Another past? Yeah, I room noumb nuts. Oh maybe if I just maybe, if

I just that's the password, come on in? Oh god, thank god? Well? Well, well what can I do you for us, stranger? Well, I don't want to interrupt any of important games. But too late, okay, Uh, I've got myself in a pickle with a pinball wizard, pinball wizard pickle a So what's happened is I've made a bet that I can't afford, and I kind of needs you to pull your pinball skills and beat her score and hopes that maybe that makes me off the hook for it. Okay,

so works. I can't afford that I can't affords. Calm down here, drink this, thank you. Yeah, it's gasoline. Listen to me. There's three things you gotta know. One, you can't you can't change your rules after bets in place. Oh too, don't make up ship ever, seriously, you're not good at it. And three, I can help you. Thank God, how much you think you're gonna know this pinball wizard, Well, I would stay close to a million dollars, close to a million. It depends she's still rolling the high score

higher and higher. No one has stopped this pinball wizard. I told them to kill her, and they told me I was a monster. Oh, let's not use the game word. Sorry, right, fancy pants. Now, if you're into this pinball wizard for a million dollars, let's call it what it is. If we double that number, we can talk about killing. Okay, Oh that's gonna be. I can't see the problem is

I don't even have that much. Ah. So then mine, I played pinball because I'm broke, I can't play, And I got a very simple solution for you, in fact, the most simple solution, and one that I'd be happy to take care of in the next couple of minutes. Oh perfect, What is it? Answered your problem? We thank you, kid, Yeah, we kill you? Oh please, don't I know it sounds weird, it sounds awful counter to what do you want to accomplish? Tommy,

welcome back to the hospital. Um, oh we were Is this a check for the entire amount and a little more because I'm gonna need some wrist surgery now too. Oh let me see. Oh, I grinded my bones down to the knobs, so let me just recap the surgery for you. We're gonna be repairing your crushed hips, your wrists yea, and you're yeah and Tommy John yeah, so we'll do all three of those. But wow, check, I've never seen a check like this, one point two million dollars. Well,

you must have sold a lot of chocolate bars. Yeah, true is out. There's other things that are lucrative. But I am I'm sorry the health care system let you down. It's really, really, really really really bottomed out on us here. Ever since the nuns from my orphanage died, I didn't know how to get my own healthcare. So I've just been loose goose pant out of pocket. That's gonna be very difficult out of pocket. Yeah, that's a common saying. Um, but we're gonna fix you up and you're gonna be

new when we're done with you. It's gonna be like you have superpowers. Thank you so much, doctor. That really means a lot to me. Normally we need somebody over eighteen to sign off on the surgery, but this check is going to be we're gonna get around those corners. Okay, great, great, great great great awesome, and your last one in my last one. Let's make it the lot ask because it's all that I need, not because I die. Yeah yeah, yeah, that's good point. Good clarifying with this number. Trust me,

you're gonna live. WHOA what does that mean? Like? If people they last, they don't what's happening there, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the brand new Tommy Dillard post surgery. As you can see, we've added biceps and triceps. We've increased the size and power of the quadriceps and here, Oh my god, he's mechanized a child. No, no, no, this is just we've used some of the buildings we've had to make this child even more powerful than any

child could be buildings. Dr flesh Thys, thanks for agreeing to sit before the board. I don't know that you had a choice if you want to keep your license, but thank you for getting past the first hurdle. Yes, and just for clarification, is flesh tease? I'm sorry, of course it happens all the time. Do I have the right spelling? What am I looking at her? You said, flesh tease? Okay, what's the country of origin of that name?

If you don't mind me asking? Okay? Uh so the doctors and I have had a chance to review your case of mechanizing a child, and um, we just had some follow up questions before we voted on your keeping your surgery license or losing it. And I don't recognize everybody here on the panel. Oh my apologies. Let's go around real quick. Uh. I'm Dr Dad. I've read it. If I haven't read all your books, then you know that's that's on me. I've read yours. You didn't make that,

stay can pronounce you. Yes, sorry about Yeah, it's a common error. Let's go around the table. Everybody introduce yourself. Doctor no, No, go ahead, Doctor Slongdong, doctor doctor Labia Maxima, Dr Solngdong, and Dr Levy Maxim. Let me tell you your speech at Harvard Um joint speech the both of you did together, and where I would say that the joint speech we did about joints. Yes, yes, the knee and the elbow. Yes. I remember saying Dr Slongdong and

Dr Libyaman working together is the most congruous. Well, it's not the greatst superhero team or anything. Anyway, You mechanize the child. That's why we're here to talk about, not a speech we did. But it's nice to you to say that, So we'll put it into the records. Slogdog, we're gonna he's gonna let him bother us up. He can mechanize people. That means a good start. I'm not saying you can't. That's a terrible doctor. And I think I know doctor h Dr Markles, we've had a past.

If you could say, oh okay, I'm still not talking to each other, all right, because it's not a good past. Anyways, we have some follow up questions. Who would like to go first? Well, I if it's so coy, doctor Stung Dong, Um, what was your favorite part about our speech that we I'm gonna say you don't have to repeat your name once it's established on the record, but if you want to keep saying it just because you like the way it sounds, that's also fine. I really like it coming

from somebody else's mouth. But nonetheless, what was your favorite part about that speech that we did? Sorry for clification before we read back the notes? You want you are? You prefer sorry Dong and someone else's mouth. I like when I hear it coming out of somebody else. That's a good clarification. But this sounds sexual to anyone else, I mean, should it? You're awful? Doctor? Okay. If you know the pop singer Um Jason Drulo, he says his

name at the start of every song. So I was said, Sloan Dong is emulating Rulo, if I'm correct, Slung Dong, you mechanize the child. Yes, I did, and I don't see I'm not sure I have. Tommy Dillard is right outside and I could bring him in here and we can show you everything that we would come. Yes, that's why here bringing in. Oh I didn't know you. Yes, send him Tommy. Who are you talking to? Which one? I thought there was somebody at the door on the

other side. You would have to talk louder as I think. Okay, we'll get Tommy. Tommy, we need you inside. It's not that I don't be honest. This Tommy Dillard. My god, those calb muscles, I mean, can see it again. Let me just say, it seems kind of like there's just the head of Tommy Dillard and everything else, Like is it really Tommy Dillard anymore? I'm still Tommy Dillard and I am still up for adoption. So if anyone's hard, and that is seemed to got a hard, pat on

me Dillard? Why a hard? So strong? See three comes from paton V and wrote, how about a typical afternoon at IKEA, thanks and take care? Excuse me? You're working out? Oh shit, yeah, I just I'm the uh yeah, the sink in this kitchen display doesn't work and I just wanted to get a glass of water real quick. So um, I got a fucking idiot. None of this stuff works come in here, they sleeping. It's fake. It's supposed to be an example, you know what, I quitta? What is it? Wow?

I'm are you punching me in the arm? Why are you this was It wasn't supposed to be a punch in the arm so much as a get the funk out of here. But you're punching in the arm as you say that, because you know how many times I've had to clean ship out of toilets, make ap bed that's been there. Look, this is TV doesn't work. I'm sorry, but maybe you should get better, better equipment and gear in your store. Now, will you grab me some ice out of the freezer over there? My arm? Really? M

I'm leaving good luck to you. Wesley. Yeah, we heard that you absolutely went ape on one of our customers, and we're firing you. I'm so sorry. I don't think you watched the video. I tore my name tag off and I started punching them. Man, I figured that was my that was my resignation. Look right, and I just want to let you know that we're firing you. You can't fire me. I assaulted somebody in the store. I

punched them. So we're going to fire you. I just want to let you know that, like we're firing you, have you considered putting a little sign on every display that these are not real items and that they're just you know, displays. Oh I'm sorry, it's I only listen to people that work for me, and because we fired you, I just totally space. Okay, Well, then I guess I'll leave this office as a customer. And before I go, I'm going to do a number two in the bathroom. Okay, okay, Wesley,

that's that's that's crossed the line. Now that's crossed the line. You know how many maybe up on the mountain of being a boss, you don't see what we have to do down there. But we're cleaning this up all the times, and you just resent me because you were like Mr Cool in high school and then I became Mrs Manager in college and now you know, I've climbed the ranks and you just kind of like stayed near like fired. So like, don't hold it against me and take a

ship in the bathroom that I am overseeing. Excuse me, I'm sorry, interrupted, I'm looking for hangers that also match a chair and a desk. Okay, Um, so there wasn't employees only sign And then you know I couldn't get anyone on the floor to help me, so I just start knocking on doors. I'm so sorry. I understand. Um, hangars will be in aisles. It's just a room of management. Is just a higher up sort of situation. Yeah, Hi, nice to meet you. Okay, I gotta tell you there

are no sales people out on the floor. There are no helpful people out of the floor, and it seems to me you're understaffed. Forgive me for saying, but if I'm right, I would like a job here. I think I could help your organization. Wow, that's so funny, because I was about to say, so you're fired to this guy, to you this attitude, you can just take your little butt right out of IKEA because we don't need this. Okay,

that's fair, that's fair. But in in closing, is there a place I can go to find hangars that match a charity that's going to be I'll thirty two h B. You should punch this guy. You should punch this guy. It feels real good. What what's happening? Why are you do it? Do it? Yeah? No, don't do it. I'm happy to leave. What you do that, um and that's why I'm the manager and you're fired. Well, we're gonna listen. You're moving into the dorms next week. We're gonna get

that little shelf. Okay, let's go in here. Okay, this is really cool. I've never been an Ikea before. Like, wow, we need to focus. It's very focused on focused. Look at all these living rooms. This is amazing. It's like living in ten hours is at the same time. Sure, but just focus. We need to get to the bedroom area. Ikia, how can I help you? Hey, this is my first time in an Ikea. Well, what a very special day this is for you? It really is this exciting. I

gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Oh that's how excited he was. Look at that. Uh, sir, can I maybe help you with something? We're just looking for the like a drawers chest of drawers thing. He's going to call yss you Arizona State, that is any idea, we'll sort a budget. We're working with um Low you know we're here. Yeah, so un if we could have something thirteen and seventeen would be my recommendation. Would have a follow up question for you so I don't actually

work here, but would you recommend me? Yeah, you've been cordill, You've told me where to go. I'm not sure what else I would want from an employ Thank you very much. What is your last name? Is this your Is this your son? Yeah? Here, I found him pissing into one of our closet displays. I there was a bathroom display. I thought this was a bathroom display right next to it, and you decided to piss in the closet display. Either way,

you understand it's a display. Now, if you were to follow the marked signs to get to the restroom, you would go through a couple of malors and eventually get to it. Please go, Please, let go with my son. I'm secon all. Do you have signs up that say this is display only? Because signs up that same restroom this way in our house, weep in the closet, So unless you have a sign up. I'm a lawyer, my

husband's a lawyer. Listen, I have this whole place shut down because you don't have enough signs to say this is a display only. Sir. For the record, I just want to say this has been incredibly helpful, and I think you've made some great points that could help the company at large worldwide. You've been fired from the building. This is your fired from the building. But please tell her again, I don't. This employee is amazing. Help me already. It's nicer than you are. Has not a assaulted my son.

I don't know where a stretching man is right now. Stretching man is not allowed in here anymore. Wow, he's addicted to the meatballs. He takes what he wants. Um, I feel like out. I just want to point out there's a there's an arm going through the window right there. It's oh god, oh deal with this. Okay, you're not hired, but deal with this. Thank you very much. I won't disappoint you now. Then should we head on over Aisle or seventeen? Yeah? Sure, please take you there? Follow me

so I understand you. So, Leslie, is it tell me about your last job, Leslie and why you think you're perfect material or for Oh sorry, I am super drunk. That word did not come out. It's been a long morning. I'm having some marital difficulties with my wife. You know what I mean. But this is not about me. This is your job. Interview Weslie, what thank you for that? Thank you for that, and I'm sorry for your trouble. Well, I appreciate that. It's it's been hard. Is this your

first wife, sir? If you don't mind me asking, Yeah, yeah, first wife this month? And how long had you been together? There this month, which meant by this month ye have your newlyweds. She's my second wife overall. But my congratulations, just growing pains and you'll work it out. I'm sure it's gonna be fine. This is your job interview though this isn't about me, so okay, sure, happy to talk about myself as well. Okay, Uh, do do you also

have marital troubles? I've had them and worked right through them. Really mhm, I think you do? You think you think you're better than me? Uh that's taking a long time to answer. You look like you think you're better than me. No, it really wasn't about that. Wesley, looking for a job. I've got your resume right here. Listen, here's what we want. You want to speak easy with pinball machines and uh, just just just descript what am I thinking? What's the

word discretion? Sorry, I'm drunk. Have you been drinking discretion is our type party. Everything has been a tough morning, Yeah, a little bit. We had a kid in here, trouble with the wife. Uh no, No, happily married, very happily. I mean like I can't stop thinking about our at times. Oh that's so nice. That's that's we call that the sweet spot. That's what I has been in the sweet spot for seventeen years. So yeah, not the wet spot, the sweet spot. Yeah, yeah, sweet spot. But we had

a kid. I mean, if you're lucky to get both in a great marriage, yeah, yeah, sweet and wet, I hear you. Um but like I was saying, we had a kid in here who broke some records on one of our pinball machines, and we just can't look at that. I'm sorry, look at that. That's incredible. Yeah. Um well, I'm thrilled to discuss any of my previous employment or how I might be able to be of service. You don't need to hear about previous stuff unless there's something

that sticks out you'd like to share. But we don't have a hell of around and a Kia says right there on the resume, I'm sure you can say just one thing we want to make sure no superpowers, right, we've had some bad super superpower employees. Well, I mean I have one that I would consider a superpower. I know all of my friends eating habits and food allergies. Oh, it is so nice to have you here. Gosh, we haven't had new blood in this group in a while.

Professor Boss is gonna love you. Let me introduce you to the guys. What do you go by, by the way, is it allergy man or no? No? No, Uh, it's he knows man, he knows man. Yeah, oh man, we're just so excited to have you. Anyway, this is uh vision envisionment. He's around here somewhere. I'm here, Wow, right behind me. That wasn't creepy at all. Nice to meet you. And invis man, can I call you pervy? Oh my god,

I'm new here. I'm just messing around. I'm just messing around. Well, you're not the first new guy to say something like that. It's kind of a bad song. Maybe look in the mirror if you show up in one. Hey, look at that. I know you. You're welcome to the team. This is incredible. There's no Iron team. Just remember that. I do know that. Yeah, do you like, uh hummus with raw veggies. Actually I'm allergic to both. Good to know. Thank you. Wo wow, that is a superpower. No, hell, I'm here to hell.

I told you guys, he was gonna be great. Didn't I tell you he was going to be great? Did the professor signed off on him? I mean, not yet, but but she will. I'm sure she's gonna love this guy. He's great. She loves everybody right. She's just been so upset since her breakup with sun Man. I think it's just good to get some of the new wind. Maybe he'll take murders this month. We'll find out here. She comes, here, she comes good away. Hi you guys. I horrible news.

Oh no, what's wrong? It turns out son Man, he didn't just like he didn't goes to me. He goes to the world. It was inevitable that the sun was gonna explode, and he exploded. He sorry, some man exploded. Okay, thank god. I thought you met the sun? Oh god, that was I thought I would have noticed. Are you also? If I may? Sorry? Hi, nice to meet jam he knows man. Are you lactose intolerant? Have you been tested for that? Yeah? Um? No, I haven't been tested for that.

Um that sort of vibe? Okay? Is it? The puffs around under my eyes? Those are to be expected from tears. Of course they do get expansive from lactos. This guy is good. He guessed my tested for celiac by any chance. I've never had any allergy testing, but I know a great doctor who does allergies, Dr Schlangdong, and that is our show. Who would go to schlangdon for allergy tests? I say not. I want to thank all of our alchemists, um Man, Crazy Fun, Mark Gagliardi, thank you so much.

That's always this and uh, what would you like to steer folks towards? Uh, I'd love to see the folks towards. We got this with Mark and how on the Maximum Fun Network? Uh featuring I've a recent or upcoming episode featuring Kevin Pollock that is hilarious and he was great. Uh and you were a lot of fun in there. And also Blood and Treasure season two coming out soon. Yeah, it is come very exciting coming up. Damn exciting And

that what network is that again? CBS correct and Jackie Gonzalsa, Ruthie, thank you so damn much. Thank you so much in a good time. Uh, you wanted to mention some other podcasts that you know, Patrick were on. Yes, a trivia podcast hasn't aired yet, but you keep your eyes open, eyes and ears open and ready for you should know better a very fun trivia trivia trivia podcast that my husband Pat and I got to compete against each other and it's very fun and funny and teaches you and stuff. Yeah,

it does, you should know better. Look for that. Thank you very much for that and for being here a whole sing you can. Hey, thanks for having me. First of all, there's always so much fun. Everyone makes me laugh a lot. Um. Feel free to follow me on my social media. It's one of the fall more famous social media's. Uh, you can follow me on Instagram or Twitter at a tool time a t u l t I Amy, How hey, how soon are we going to

see on TikTok? Come on, everybody's at Sarah. You know it's it's I've got some ideas noodling and all right, let's let's do it in a month, man, let's do it. I'll do it. That's here, we're going out happy to work, all right, great lovely um. One month. So when you hear this one one month inside one month, I should have a TikTok. Excellent and thank you for being here as always, James Heney on April three at eight pm

at the west Side Comedy Theater Alchemy. This has a live show and god, would it be great to have you guys there to see it. That's a great plot, that's a great very mane. Here's more incentive, I for one will not be there so that if that doesn't, Yeah, who will be the host in my place? Come out to Westside Comedy Theater and get your tickets now and find out. Let's thank our engineer and producer with stars, Mr Debating five folks that I heart media. Mum dum dumb.

I'm your host, Kevin Pollack reminding you to please be kinding each other. I promise it works and making your in their life so much better. And remember, at the highest level of patron and support Alcmania, you can join us for one of these as uh. Our friend Catherine has been for this particular outing and um she'll be writing about it and telling all of you about the incredible funds she had And then I will read that email or message on patron righte to you. This is

an exciting process, I know. Um, but yeah, so there you go. That's it for the show until next time. Remember too,