Clothing Store with No Clothes

him at the Emmy. He's not a big deal, helpful of years ago, and I was like, what a fucking man shoulders, a chest, a fucking jaw, And I felt like a child in that moment. Um, So I've always got a little thing for him after that nice I felt the same way standing next to Wallace Sean on a body get conceivable you would if you saw him? Uh uh. Next step, it's James Heeny, James Hene. What word you have trouble pronouncing? Is there a word that's

always giving you a pause? I mean, there's a whole lunch, but there's only one that's caused me life threats on the internet. And it's the word infinite. Uh. People have really don't like the word infinite. And I don't know if I'm saying it right now and I corrected it, or if I still say it infinite wrong, infinite infinite. I don't know. There's infinite ways of saying it, James,

That's what I've said. Yeah, I had people. It was one of the first YouTube videos I made, and people were like, I hope you go LIKEE killed, Like all the most awful things that you could say about a person was about the way I said the word infinite, just because I showed people how to get infinite coins in Mortal Kombat nine, one of those people telling you to die. Oh boy. Uh, Well, hopefully no one gets

upset with today's episode. You'll find out. Well, the nice thing is is there's no comment sections, so I don't have to look at it. There you go. I'll hopefully you won't get infinite emails about it. Next up. It's it's all saying it's all historical musicals like Hamilton's and Stuffs are all arrage right now. But if you're to write a historical musical, what would the subject matter be? Would you want to bring it live on the stage.

Oh wow, beautiful, beautiful question historical musical man Um, it's usually something Oh man, I don't that's a good that's a good question. I can I just tell you I'm I don't say I'm working on but I'm noodling a musical idea. My wife hates it. But it's about traffic. I just want to. I feel like it's a global thing that everyone gets, and so I wanna I write songs about taking left turns on without an arrow and being a certain distance behind how automated car technology is

going to take. So I do think it will come to fruition, maybe in a couple of years. But yeah, that's a musical. I'd like to do pick we all know, with everybody stuck in traffic, trying to get to the seven thirty curtain for traffic, and then be a whole meta thing. I'll place curtains right at the worst traffic time and every city perfect. I love that. Uh last, but certainly not least. Craig Kikowski, you know, the dumb slap made all the headlines at the Oscars, But what

did you think of the ceremony in general? Um, the it was not good. Yeah, yeah, my my feelings are too uh long and complex. Maybe get into the slap actually made it as awful as that was, made it way more interesting and compelling to to talk about. I think the worst thing was the in memoriam segments. And I think the thinking was like, well, you know, it's always such a bummer when we sing a sad song

and show pictures of people who died. Let's make it upbeat this year, and so I think ding dong, the which is dead. The desire to to be different by being opposite, uh seemed to run through the ceremony, and then the cutting out all those awards uh was a bad idea, and that they were awkwardly edited into the ceremony. Yeah, it was poorly done. Yeah, I agree, but the ratings were way up, so unfortunately. Maybe that's the thing. Uh yeah.

The immemorial thing made me crazy, not only because it was like upbeat, but they spent so much time lingering on the choir in front of the screens and not the people on the screens in the background, which is like you don't ever need to see them, Like it should just be the feet of the screen and you can hear it. But like at least it was better than the previous year, where they did them so fast you couldn't actually like, like read the names before they

moved on to the next one. People who died, give them their give them their moment in the sun. It's all about the ratings, all right, Well, let's do a damn show, shall we. All of our suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v I p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the podcast

at alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's com come. Scene one is from listener Tamila, who wrote, Hello Gang, I absolutely love your podcast and I've been listening since the very beginning. I heard you are in dire need of scene suggestions, so I decided to finally send you all an email. It was a ton of those that came to. The emails worked. It worked. My scene suggestion is a new clothing store with no clothes on display, only written notes describing what it feels like to wear it.

No refunds. Can't wait to see what happens. Hi, I'm sorry that I am I interrupting. Oh no, I'm here to serve you. Oh can I help you today? Great? Um, I'm such a casual, slubby guy typically, but I have a big event coming up. Really, and you want to impress people, I assume. Yeah. And I want to impress my date for sure, And yeah, yeah I wanna, I wanna. I want to shine it up a bit. Okay, Well, I don't have this out on the floor. This is

something special. Let me write it down right on this post it note and I'll stick it right to your chest. That would look great on you. It says, um soft and shiny? Does that? And shiny? Is that coming a medium or like a medium tall? It's it'll be. Let me just put Let me stand a little further back from you so I can get your whole body in my view. It will be your size, perfectly fit. Oh wow, soft texture is soft. The visuals that you get from it are shiny. I was a little curious and like,

I'm out like that guy. But you know, maybe perhaps I could make a little statement while I'm out there, because I saw hanging over there um was the note? Um? Wow? Factor? Is that is that something I can pull? I don't think that would be for you. I don't think that. But you know what, let me take this post and not back. Yeah, we go and we're gonna write political statement and then that's now it. Wow, that looks really

good on you. So should I bring it out? It's off and shining with the political What are you wearing? I like, yeah, well this isn't from here. Oh this is uh, this was a gift for Christmas and so, and my mother's visiting me here today, so I wanted to make sure to wear it. Gotcha. It's crazy this all these hangers and they're just there's just notes everywhere I dig it. You knew we've had a lot of shoplifters. Hey,

I'm sorry. I know it says no, and I know that's a big thing, but I misread the post and now I thought it said all that and a bag of chips, and it says all that or a bag of chips, and I was really hoping to have both. And people looked at the south and they clearly said like your maybe pringles and I was like, that's not doesn't come in a bag. But uh, anyways, it's just I mean, I know I just exchange it is there an exchange. I'm so sorry, but it's a strict policy.

We don't and I hate to have this conversation in front of a potential cost. But if you won't, you could meet me around back in about fifteen minutes and we can discuss it. We discuss it for the potential cust it's short for customer. Oh, you are potential cust. So if you go back around the back in about fifteen minutes, I'll meet you there and we'll talk about the refund policy. It so wouldn't work to just come back in fifteen minutes and in the shop. We need

to do. This is the type of thing that we'll do in the back alley. You and I can have that conversation out back in the alley. Rafael, open the door, Rafael, open the door. Listen. I know you're in their designing and designing, but the stores need merch I'm working. I can hear I can hear the sharpie going going crazy in there. But we can't wait until inspiration strikes you. Rafael. The stores need merchandise, they need stuff. I'm working. Let me open the door. What is it? God, there's blood

everywhere in here. This is why I didn't open the door. I have a method, and I don't like to be questioned about it. I'm so sorry. I'm just your assistant. I'm just telling you what I'm hearing from the stores. What do they want? Tell me what they want? They want you, Rafael, they want your mind, they want they want it all. That's that's what I'm giving them, the putting the energy out. I guess that they wanted in a in a timely fashion. You know who they didn't

ask for timily fashion? Ralph as I say, Alexander McQueen him. Are you the cust too? Wanted to make a return? Yeah, yeah, I was about to come back here around the back of the Yeah yeah, I handle returns in the back alley. You're a you're rather large. You're a I'm a big guy. I can't shop here because I got to go to a big and tell store right whether the posted notes are bigger? So what's your problem? Cussed? Well, you can

see from I misread the note. I I own that I made a slight mistake here, but I thought I said all that and a bag of chips and it says all that or a bag of chips, and for the price I pay it, I feel like I should be all that and a bag of chips. You see, you want a bag of chips. I I'd like to be that as well as all that. It's like it's like your everything, but then a little something extra. That's kind of what I thought would happen when I bought

this outfit, and it's been frankly underwhelming. People have had to chew sides of what they think I have And okay, well I was letting you get all that out just to amuse myself, but I'm gonna beat you up. Basically, it's what's gonna happen. Now. I kind of saw this coming and yeah, yeah, yeah, we we we We just got a role to play and that's what's happening, right. Could you just I'm a hand model, so could you just leave those leave the hands alone on the face

of the stomach. Okay, great, So we've decided to have this shiny soft political statement. I'm going to bring it out here to you once you pay for it, but that's final. I don't want I don't want any mistake. You need to understand that's a final sale. Okay, I'm familiar with that without with that idea. Okay, let's let's see it. Let's see it. That great. Let me bring it out to you and I'd like to unveil it. Go ahead and unwrap it now. Okay. Wow, that is shiny.

That is shiny. Feel it? Oh? That is soft? That is soft? And I'm the back. It just says, proud boy? Is this not great? Is that in blood? Yes? It's it's just perfect for you. You're gonna love it at whatever party you go to. I don't know that feels weird. So what am I saying here? I'm proud to be a boy? Yeah, it's it's I'm not entirely sure about the movement, but it's it's got a lot of proudness to it, and it brings a lot of the masculinity. You're a proud boy that boss. Just want to let

you know that return is complete. Oh thank you. If you need any ice, it's in the freezer. All right. Yeah, I'm gonna need a lot of eyes. Why is his coming in blood? Did he buy that shirt here? He was? No? No, no, he's too tall. He would never clothes here. No, absolutely not. But okay, Oh, we have your R s v P right here. Welcome to the gala. Lovely jacket, by the way, thank you so much. Alright, excuse me, sir, I just saw the back of this. Yeah, proud boy. Um, hold on,

let me let me get my manager making a statement. Okay, on the second, Hold on the second, let me get my galla manager. Yeah, yeah, all right, Teddy over here, Teddy over the front, Teddy to the front. Are you proud of anything this job? Sorry, I'm pretty sure we're not going to be allowing you to wear that inside the gala. This is the New York Times bestsellers list. Galla. Oh, I'm familiar. I'm an inspiring author myself. Yes, But Teddy

to the front, Teddy to the front. Um, Yes, but you saw my name right in the R s v P. It is. But we do have a dress code that says that Teddy, Teddy, thank you. I saw you today. Yeah, I got I got a bunch of jobs. I'm free. Lets I also managed this gallery. That's the nice tuxedo at the at the no, I get the biggest call. So you're an insurrectionist? What now you're you're an insurrectionist. We can't have you. We can't have you at the gallery. There might be some sort of mistake. I'm just saying.

I'm proud, you know, I'm proud of who I am. I'm a proud boy. Stomach and hands, face, stomach and hands and hands. Yeah, okay, I love it, like work in the hands. All right? Can we just do the shoot quickly? I'm in a lot of pain. Let me just I'll put my hands in front of the box of diamonds and you just shoot it. Okay, just shoot it please. Um. I don't mean to be this guy, but you're making the rest of the crew sick, your faces mangled, and you're missing all your teeth. I know.

I just I tried to make a return. And I gotta say the Alex when when his hands are in the frame, I mean, they're as immaculate as always. They are beautiful, right, I mean that's what we're here to do. Um, what were you saying? Happened to you? I'm trying to make a return and a long story, uh, I just thought I had to be and a bag of chips and anyways, let's just shoot the shoot the thing. Please? Those are beautiful let's look at the monitor. Whoa those hands,

that's amazing work. They look good. All right, yeah, hold those diamonds. Hold those diamonds bleeding from the ear. It's okay, as long as it doesn't get in the shot. I think we're okay. I think we're okay. Okay, you get it. My equilibriums off. Um hi, I was here a couple of days ago. I recognize you. I never forget a customer and oh they're sick anyway, Um, I know, and I listen. I understand policies and stuff. Um uh huh, get it, so you don't have to remind me. It's

just I think you go on. Maybe they could be an exception made. I like to reach return the jacket. I understand what you mean. All you have to do for returns we do them out in the back alley. Sure, okay, wow, hey, thank you so much. Problem. By the way, I like this clearance section here. It's just what do you have here? Small? In other words? Okay, yeah, it was just from last year. From last year. All hey, look who it is. We keep running into each other. Sorry I had to kick

you out of that gallery. No, it's Teddy, right, it's turn. Do you play any sports? Oh? No, now more of an arts you guy. Listen. Hey, so am I and I'm actually a writer. I don't know if you know that about me, but um, I'm starting a game with that at the l A Fitness on fourth, we could use the guy your size. Really, yeah, you don't you have to do much, just throw the ball, all right. Clearly that was a foul. Clearly that was a foul. He just kept pummeling my face with his elbow. I

didn't see it. I didn't hear it was. We didn't see whistle and then see it either. I'm more of an art guy. Sorry. Hi, Um, this is a nice store. Can I just get a full box of post its? Oh? This is? This is a clothing store? Yeah, but you sell the you sell these, right, I don't sell these? No, I'm sorry. I mean you could go to some sort of office store. I just don't go to Flaurien asked him to give you denim? You want him to make you an outfit, right, I don't know, Ralph Lauren. I

don't shop by going to talk to Rolph Lauren. Me neither. And you wouldn't go there, and you wouldn't ask for the materials to build a shirt. Sorry, I feel paper clips. I'm just browsing here. I think paper clips would have been a better analogy there. Right, you don't go to rough Lauren to ask him for paper clips because he's asking for office applies because you said Rolf Lauren and Denham and that feels kind of ruff l. Lauren has great denom. Anyway, I'm just gonna go back to browsing

over here. All right. Well, maybe it was my uh sorry, Mr Lauren, it's really slow. Somebody's dissuading people from coming in and and asking you for things. It's I know it's been weeks since we've had a cust potential custom here. But uh, I'm sorry man, he mum, he wants to be called Rafael now, oh don't Yeah, it's not Rough Lauren, it's Rafael. Now. I'm working. I'm I'm sorry, Rapael. H I'll try to jump up some business for you. Just leave it at the door. I'm working. I don't know

what I'm supposed to leave at the door here. I'm trying to help drum up some business for you. But look, I don't I know this has been I'm his assistant, you know, me. It's been it's been weird. It's been weird. Yeah, I can imagine. Um, you know, a bunch of assistants are having a meeting behind the building. If you want to wait, what a bunch of assistants are having meeting behind the building, like a fifteen minutes. I didn't get that.

There's no email or anything. No, it's definitely happening. It's a real thing, and it's happening in fifteen minutes, and you should definitely go back there. I will see you there, I see you there. I'm going to be there as well. So I've been hired to beat you up. Sorry about that. I don't even know what it's for. Really, if you want to plead your case now go ahead. No, I think whatever it is, either serve this okay. Any areas that I should concentrate on and not concentrate on when

I kick your ass? Oh this is so nice of you. Sure, sure, I don't think I used my back or shoulders much. If you can maybe focus on that area, just go to town them back, so mostly hit the back of the shoulders. I feel like you're trying. You're trying, you sneak, you try to get a massage out of this and that's our first scene. C Number two is from Alchemy v I. P. Patrick C who wrote hey gang scene suggestion. In the future, internet security is way more complex, invasive

and explicit. What would be the most outlandish and intrusive capture and human verification ever thought of for a website? Keep up the great work, Pat, thank you for using Chase Bank a t M S to verify you. Please check which one of these following things is real? This is weird. This is just for an a t M bicycle Okay, bicycles real tire tires are real. Idea of world peace okay, I mean the idea is real, whether you get actually old peace okay, garbage garbage, definitely real.

I guess world peace. You have advanced to the excuse me, excuse me, you've been flagged as not a human being. Uh, you failed the cap. I'm just trying to use this a t M. Listen, robot, get out of here. I'm not humans only. Well you didn't. You weren't able to tell what was real and what's not really what you're saying that world piece is a thing, but the what's the right answer there? Because what did you answer what did you answer, Ashold? I answered world peace, but also

the option. There was an option, the idea of world peace? Is it real or not? I thought that was real. You get the funk out of here. Um, wow, this is such a nice restaurant. Thank you. I've been it's been fun chatting with you online. Now we're like in person having a date, and this is this is exciting. It is exciting. I am this. I've been looking. I mean, you're your delight. I have to say you are. You

are a delight. Look before we go in your further it's like so dumb, but it's just like you're like too good to be true. Um, would you mind? Would you mind answering a few questions on this app? It's just because you know, like AI so like prevalent these days. I mean, you're not I know, you're not a I know you're I'm not an I am, but I'm happy. I'm happy to do it. Oh God, you're like perfect. Okay, here's my phone. Just answer for you. These questions start.

Let's start talking soon, okay, Right. The following questions are to be answered true or false. So dumb, but just go with it. Do most tables have four legs. Uh, I mean most So that's kind of hard to do with true. False. It's it's pretty than most um, but I'm gonna say true. Oh, okay, you scared me there. The country of Mexico exists. That's that's definitely true. You're like, so I love this dress. You're worried by the way too. Okay, this is good. Being angry is something that can happen.

Being angry is something that I can scor check. Please thinking the check, please attack gack gil gil gil, Hey mom, Hey dad, hey son? By the wrong face. It happened again. You went on another day with a bot? Ah, Like, am I not good enough? Is that? What's going on here? No? No, you're you're too good? Yeah, well, but why don't you just try about for a while. What's like, maybe have a bot until you find something about your mom? Has

a point? Why where are you taking all these steps to go through these intrusive tests if you're having a good time, does it really matter whether she's a bot or not? Kind of a good point, Dad, I mean, it was kind of the point that I was making. I mean, it's our it's it's us. We both have good parentings. You're always done my back dead your mother alone. Okay, hey, we'll do your mother's perfect in every way, thank you? Yeah,

I mean she was programmed to be perfect in every way. No, I know, mom, it's like no offense to you at all. I love O none taken. I'm not programmed to be offended, just like that may be like I don't know, I'm just a dreamer. Anyway, I'm gonna hit the sack. Have you dated a robot before? Um? Unintentionally? Yeah, but this is my first I know you're a robot date. Oh okay, so you're this is your freaky digie time. No, no, no, this is this could be where I'm I'm I'm in

it for the long haul. By the way, I pre ordered before you got here. I got you a cup of oil. That's great. Great, No, No, I want to know about you and what makes you tick? And you know what are your likes and dislikes. What makes me tick is an Intel thirty two processor. That's hot. That's hot? What makes you tick? Uh? This thing the old heart? Hey? You do? Here? You go order Holpin your poppers for you and a large penzil for the robit there. Hey,

enjoy it. If you want to refill, you just tapped a little button at the end of the table here and it'll fly me down. I'll come refill it for your robit. Thank you sir so much. This is weird because we're having a great time. Um weird. Well, what I'm about to say is gonna be weird. You're right, that was I just gonna make sure you're robot. Like I know it's I had this app and I'm just like, I don't want to get fooled again. If you don't mind just by robots who turned out to be human. No, no,

you're right, You're right. I I worded that. I worded that incorrectly. I'm a fucking idiot. Um, but I just say yourself up. No, No, I'm just I'm not doing well, okay. I just want to fucking connection with somebody or frankly at this point something, So if you wouldn't mind answering three simple questions off this app to make sure you are who you are, maybe we can have a great life together. Mm hmmm, sorry, No, that's okay. Um, I'll answer,

but then I will leave after her. That's probably fair. Here you go, Thank you. Which of these things are real triangle yes, raccoon, yes, croatia yes, rare signoric month and oh that's no did no? Wow? Well yep, you proved it. You're a robot. I'm an idiot. I couldn't help. But over here and there, have you tried taking the robot test yourself? That's this guy just saying, you know, have you ever tried it? Yeah? Take the test. I don't need to do that. I know I got that's

a that's a heartbeat. That's a heartbeat. Al right, so we're gonna see. I'm taking the m I a robot test? Is that right? Yeah? Okay, it should be pretty easy. By the way, these Halli paint poppers are incredible. Is that is that cream cheese? How you got it? Wasn't supposed to tell you? Alright? The stupid happening? Wow? Look who's back already from his day? How did it go? Where's mom? What do you mean? Where's mom? She's probably

you know, clinking up? Or I know you know what, I know what I know here, you know what, I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna pull out the chef's knife. I know I can plunge this through my throat and I'll be fine. Dad. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait okay, look, you know you know your mother's a robot, right, You've always known that, and you've known that I'm a human human? Uh huh, So how does that work? Exact? Actually? How does that work? How

did you? How did you come into being? I'm an idiot. I love thinking idiot. You never put two and two together. I never did. I just thought somehow your love or something created me. And you know what, you know what? I never wondered why you've been the same size for twenty years. No, okay, well that's that's part of your programming. Oh man, it all makes sense now. I've been your best friend for fifteen years and it's just it all. It all checks the boxes. Now, I wonder why you

always made me buy the concert tickets online. It all clicks. Are we still good? Yeah? I mean you're still my my guy. You know you're still my bro. It's just just a lot to take in, you know, it's a lot. It's weird. You start going back in your mind, right, those memories, Right, I made you buy the concert tic kids, and right you would never go in the swimming pool ever, you would never swim. I thought I thought frankly, I thought I was just shy of my of my belly.

But now this's deeper meaning to it. Who pull over? Okay? Uh, you should probably pull it to the side. But all right, all right, okay, I wonder what this could be about. I don't know. Uh, you just ran eight traffic lights. Oh my gosh, you're not able to identify a traffic light. I'm so sorry, Officer, I guess I can't. Officer. Are you are you human or bought? I'm a bot? Okay, I'm also a bot. But I just learned I'm about so come on, can okay? Okay? So I'm supposed to

take it easy on you. I just I mean, I just learned, Like did you always know? Is there a moment where you learned you were a bot? Look? I was programmed to be able to identify palm trees and uh traffic okay, those crosswalks? Yes, uh, those are my three specialties. Okay, And the officer, can you read these like numbers and letters in this little squiggly box here? Sure, lowercase B, seven, lowercase C, upper case X to three.

You're good. You're an advanced you're advanced. I'm advanced. I'm advanced, but there's ore there's other things I'm not good at. Okay, the officer, If you're programmed to do all this, how do I know what I'm programmed to do? Programmed to beat or programmed to feel? M hm, that's a good question. Um, maybe access your your inner memory. Oh yeah, you can just just do that. You can say it out loud if that helps, or you can just do it. Okay,

I'll access inner memory. Now, accessing inner memory? Did you guys hear that? Or is that just in my mind? That's probably just in your head. Just you just do Okay. I'm seeing like a lot of files. How may we help you? I'm a click click on, click on core programming, Core programming, Core Programming, Core Programming accessed. Oh, I see one file called purpose? Is that where? That's probably it? Okay, selecting purpose to open purpose. We have to do a test.

There's a test. Another take a test. Yeah, that's standard. Alright, might as well spell yes, spell bridge? I got I gotta spell bride. That's easy, six letter word. Yeah, it's easy. Yeah, you're know how to spell bridge, right, there's six letters of it. Yeah, ten seconds to comply. The first letter was first letter b B. Wait what happens if he doesn't comply in ten seconds? We will now self destruct. I think he's gonna self destruct. Oh god? What the

fund was the program for? What was his purpose? He's got to post it on the front of him there, t B D, it says, T B D. Oh no, so he even if he had gotten bridge right there, the file would have been empty. And be honest, I feel bad about pulling you guys over, but you were running lights like Willie Nilly. I understand, Officer, have a good after noon. Uh, scientists Carter, we need to have a ward with you and your team. It's just the two of us, okays. I never got your assistance name.

He's also a scientist, So scantis Phil, you can just call me scientists Phil. Listen, it's been brought to our attention that you were Can I just stop you? Is it the fact that the lower case X and the capital X are so similar, just different sizes? Because I've been complaining the whole time about it. No, it's not that, scientists, Phil, it's the idea that you two are producing robots without purpose?

Is this that you too, sick motherfucker's is this because sometimes you can't tell the difference between a zero and Oh? Is that what this is about. No, I've made it clear. It's because you're producing robots without purpose. We never produced robots without purpose one. Really, we're always files here, I have lists here, I have lists here. Yeah, t B D. Is this what you're upset about? It's to be determined. That robat was to be determined. It was programmed to

be determined, be very forceful. He knew what he wanted always. What happened to this spot? Oh you mean you mean child to program to be they have the quality of determination of yes, Oh my god. We also have t B A to be asshole this program that. Yeah that I know that, I know. Okay, okay, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna I'm i'm a suit and I come in here to your laboratory and I start, you know, making accusations, and I'm I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Give me this patch, give me this pat what Wait? Hold, I don't think you have the authority to do that. Sorry, we're not showing sure, we're always just in the lab working. And well, one last thing, Yeah, those exs are weird. Well some of those are actually plus signs tilted. And that's our second scene, our final scene see threes from Alchemy V. I P. David Burke, who wrote greetings Mr Pollock or whoever is reading this message. It's been a

long time since I submitted a scene suggestion. But after listening to a dry bar comedian trash improv troops, not only did I get angry and offended for you guys, it gave me this scene suggestion. Stand up comedians fight improv comedians to the death. Thank you again for all you do. I'd love to tell you that comedian was, but out of professionalism, I shouldn't mention his name. Right. Cough, Jordan's making cough And that's our show. Thank you so much, everybody.

We've been the chuckle heads and you guys have a great night, ye everybody. Chads, you guys ran long, all right, we got a stand up show right now. Just gets so sorry. We had a group mind thing going on, Chad, when you were like, I am the ducking a ship about your duck group mind. All right, stand ups are here. The real show is about to start. Okay, okay, fine,

we'll get out of your hair. No, no, no, this is one occasion that this improv troop is not gonna Yes, and you know what, I think we could do a second set. Take your hand off of my hive mindsets. We should probably do one more long form, go back on that stage. It's war. Maybe we shouldn't do this, but I mean we gotta yes, and him, we gotta support him. He's he threw it out there. Okay, I

guess we've gotta follow the follower at this point. If you'll be the follower and then you can follow me, Yeah, and I'll be following you all. We've got your back and beat the ship. We're gonna do another set, don't do it. I mean, there's three of us in one of you. Yeah. The other comics are late. They'll be here any second, but well they're really late because nobody else's here. Yeah. Also yeah, Also, you guys are like loners, like lone wolves like we were. Well, I was gonna

make another wolf analogy. We were in a pack. We're a wolf pack in their lone wolf. Yeah that's right, yes, and and and and we got you outnumbered. Hey, hey, quit trying to corner me, which just leave me alone. You smell this guy, it's fear. It's it's fear. Water. Huh, guys, get get away from me. Man, my other stand up friends are gonna be here any second, and then you guys are gonna be fucked. Doubt it. I don't think so. I think what we should do. Oh my god, Rick

improvisers did this to you. Improvisers. They let my hands go, but they hit everything else pretty bad, really focused on my back and shoulders. Improvisers are known for being super buff and manly. Uh oh man, all right, you know we got we got your back. You know, I don't. I don't want to see him again. Man, those guys really rough me up. I think we got to send a message. They send a message, clearly, we got to send a message back. You know. Yeah, the whole whole

stand up community has got your got your back. Doesn't doesn't sound like at all that what you just said. No, no, no, I mean we've we've got your back. I'm I'm known for having kind of a sarcastic persona, but I'm being really sincere here. Yeah, and honestly, after I'm done with my set, I actually got another set and silverly, so I kind of got a jet right away. Otherwise I would stay and have your back. Yeah, that's the thing.

I would say the same thing too. You know, we we gotta do like hell of funny over in Chatsworth and then punch punch lines over in uh San pedro Um. But you know, if you like, pick a night like maybe like a Monday. Actually, if it's to daytime, then there's only open mics that I'd be missing, that's true. But the one is getting really good down at Folding Wash on third, it's impossible. Folding Wash is a great venue. Yeah, it's a I mean if you can get them when

they're getting their quarters. Like that was sarcasm. Fold and Wash fucking sucks. Oh that was pretty good sarcast and I didn't even catch effects. You're operated on level man. Alright, alright, welcome to my theater. Welcome to my theater. So let me get this straight. You want to have a night where you have stand up the im problem the same night, and then it's gonna end in some kind of battle of physical battle. Is that? Is that what I'm understanding here? Yeah,

a cage match. You see, we've done cage matches be here before, and it's just really it's a weird. First of all, why compete, you know, for funny? It seems like that the art form gets lost. We're not competing for funny, We're competing for life. Okay, okay, now this is still a bringer, right, yeah. Yeah, we'll bring people and we'll make them buy drinks. Okay, Okay, we just in this debate once and all. So what am I?

What am I? What am I billing this night as deathmatch? Okay, deathmatch? Deathmatch? You guys are going against the chuckle heads that would understand? Yeah, those guys are jacked. Have you seen those guys? Yea, most improvisers, ripped chuckle heads? And what am I calling you? Guys? Ah? Stand up? Stand alright, chuckle heads versus the stand ups? Ten PM, two people per two drakes per person, two

people per person plus two drinks, two people everywhere. Every one of you guys to bring two people and every one of those people gotta buy two drinks. All right, exponential, I get it. You're a business man. You gotta make you gotta make business. So you got us the show book. That's great, that's great. We just gotta get the most tough, grizzled stand ups. I'm thinking we gotta get Joe Rogan. We gotta get Carrot Top, we gotta get that guy does the Dame cook the kick moves. Yeah yeah, we're

going to get those guys. I mean, when they find out it's their chance to mutilate a bunch of improvisers, I'm sure they're gonna jump on it. You know, I've got Show Rogan in my phone right now, all right, chuckle. So we gotta get the most grizzled improvisers. We know. I'm talking Ryan Styles, I'm talking Wayne Brady. Uh, there's the only two improvisers. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna get those guys. Look, there's five improv jobs in the world, and you've listed

two of the five. Okay, like they're busy, Yeah, their books. Yeah, I know this guy. I know this guy. He does improv kind of as a hobby. His name's Teddy. He's great at fighting, great at I don't love hobbyists, no, no, no, but he's I mean, we could use him here. Actually I kind of already invited him. Uh, you want me to do a set? I've mostly just been doing classes. You know, I don't know if I'm ready for a show this big. Oh my god, this guy shoge gigantic. Alright,

like I got a lot more going on just my size. Alright, alright, well, why don't we test him out real quick? All right? All right, let's do ut if that's what you're wondering. No, no, we don't think you're what would be a good good improv test guys, I don't know. Let's do mind meld, let's do mind make sure they're on the same page and the count of three, both of us say, we're at the same time, Like, how do you start? What do you start? All right, I'm gonna cunt it off

and you too, say your word on three. Okay, here we go one, two, three, straw Robot, Strawberry robot, and Strawberry takes. Do you think I'm a robot? No, it was just what was on my mind. Okay, it was just it was just the first thing that came to my head. I was improvising robot. This is a human improv team. It was taking the test man who's got the app dude, test him. Wait, no, I don't need to time right now because we're trying to keep him. Test him. Mikey, Mikey, what about when he did that

tag out that was so calculated and perfect. Right, guys, it was just remember all character names in an improv show, Like everybody forgets a few names, but he always remembers names. But wait, what if he what if he is at robot? Just say he is. He's good at improv. That's it. Now, we just let robots played with us well and fight with us. What do you program to do comedy? Please? Murder? Death kill murder, death kill, death murder. I'm just supported

death kill ladies and dolemen. Welcome to deathmatch. Looks like it looks like somebody made this note card here about the show might not be accurate, but it's gonna be a show till the death. Then we have the over here, we have the chuckle heads. Is that all right? Yeah? Guy is huge? And uh over here, we've got some stand up comics. Yeah yeah, how's everybody doing tonight? Okay? Okay,

what else? What else? What else? All right? Great? So, before we get started, I just want to make sure everyone knows that this is a robot human friendly space and we always are that way. So, uh, if you have any issue that you can leave. We don't want your business but you don't need to buy the two drinks before you leave. Alright, no refunds, no exchanges. If you want one, go out in the back of somebody

will meet you there in fifteen minutes. Alright, looks like the chuckle heads are gonna go first, or I don't know how the show works. Here we go give him up for the chuckle heads. Where the chuckle heads can we have a suggestion of I don't know a fun location that would fit on the stage. A room to be murdered in, A room to be murdered in. Yeah, good luck with that. Okay, you're doing good, you're doing good. Just you're good. I have a dead body. No, no,

you can't be a dead body if you're talking. Okay. Uh, oh my god, there's a dead body in this room. That's good. Yes, yes, and the dead body stinks. Man this god, I asked a question. We have to stand up school you guys suck. That was the juggle heads. Everybody giving up for the stand ups. Hey guys, um one more time for your host And uh, chuckle heads, they really really did it, didn't they. Uh so COVID was crazy. Um, I've been sent to the stage to

beat you up. Okay, cool? Um, it doesn't look like your face is a big part of your act, so it really isn't it really isn't. You can just pummel the funk out of that. Okay, I'm a contrary in the face to start with. Okay, if you could just leave one eye open so I could see my light, which I will definitely run and not pay attention to, that would be great. All right? Wow, one a night. Some laughs not something? There were some points where there were it wasn't laughter. Blood. I don't know what to

make of all this. I mean, do we feel better that we fought the stand ups? Isn't common unifying idea? I really wish you guys had pulled my programming out on me. I kind of feel bad about it. We need you to be vulnerable because that's part of what comedy is, right. I guess I killed a bunch of people. Yeah, both, that was you know, horrific, but not as horrific as our opener? Am I right? Guys? I know I didn't. Oh shit, it's probably for me the chuckle heads to

our van over. How you doing, guys? Can you roll down your window for me? Please? Sure? Hi? Guys, did you did you leave a murder site about ten minutes ago on stage, officer, we were giving the suggestion, I see how we're I see how that could have played as you think. You played it like a double ontuendre. You're saying you murdered on stage, but at the same time you did actually murder somebody. So that's fantastic. I

wasn't even saying that. I was saying specifically, the location we're giving was a room where murder happened, but we also the end murder on stage, you know, triple that's funny. I'm I don't do I take classes kind of like where where do you take classes? Question? Uh the punch punch Room. Uh yeah, it's a stand up place, but they have Empire classes tode they do both that. Yeah. Hey, um,

well I got you. I've been coaching lately. If maybe you want to grab a you know, a few few of your friends, we could we could run some rehearsals and stuff. Maybe TERRYO Shyster's class and he's fantastic and so I don't know, his philosophy is a little kind of like hippie dippie for me. You've considered maybe that you can go further and deeper. Do you know Terry that's yeah, it's like yeah, okay, wow, I mean Terry used to be a chuckle head back in the day.

I think he's an original child. Wow, this is oh my god, it's like I pulled over a famous vehicle. Yeah, you know, as far as you know, famous goes in improv. You'r Ryan styles Wayne Brady, So that's famous. Well yeah, I mean, well that's legend. That's legend. That's that's that's a legend. This is just famous. That guy huge, barely fitting in there. I'm a guy. I like art, I like him prov. I don't want to be just identified by my size. Okay, I'm a complicated person. Yeah person. Huh.

If I had to guess, I would say that's the robot in the in the car, but you'd be wrong. Officer. Check this out. So his name is Terry. Right, we're doing a scene. We're doing a scene tonight, and it was turning into your standard transaction scene. Right, so it's like, oh, this is gonna go nowhere. Then Terry surprises all of us shoots this ice statement out of nowhere. He says, I feel scared and it is bridges this gap and emotion happened and hilarity ensued. I'm so I'm still in

level three, so I'm not sure if I followed everything. No, yeah, no, of course, of course, of course, but what's that characters? Or it's a group work, and uh, it's it's been tough, you know, because I've been to get over there. That sounds. Yeah. You gotta get everyone to buy in on group work and if one person is not in, you know, it's kind of like police work. So um yeah for similarities.

Hey guys, Um, obviously Tim's not doing the show tonight as he was murdered last week on stage, which means everybody gets twelve minutes tonight, and said it to everybody really feel fretty yeah, like I have twelve minutes of material and that's our show. Everybody. Oh, let's thank you to our alkavist. See what they're up to, what's coming up? All that jazz? Chris Alvarado, Hey, happy to be here,

This is fun, cold love having you back. Um. Midway during our show, a literal jackhammer started going off right right right next to my office. Maybe you can hear it, maybe you can't. If you can, it's an East rig for you. Um. Otherwise, thanks for everybody who came out to the Alchemy This Live in April. It was so much fun and that's all I have to say. Nice James. Any well, it was a hell of a lot of

fun doing that Alchemy This live show. Um, but you know what, you could see the next one, which is on May one at eight pm at the Westside Comedy Theater. There's plenty of time for you to get tickets to see the live show on me first. Nice, it is a good time at a good theater, which is happening nowadays. Things are back, people are back in action, so come on out saying hey, thanks for having me. This is always fantastic. I have so much fun. Uh and uh,

I'm doing a couple of shows here and there. You can follow me on a tool time on my socials or my website toolsing dot com. Look out for traffic coming out traffic red light Craig Kokoski. Uh, follow me at Kikowski on Twitter, Kikowski on Instagram for information on any shows that might be coming up. Literal Jackhammer is a herald team that I'm playing with right now, so yeah, well there might be some show nice. I'm at Cole Stranton or at Stratton Cold, depending on the social service. Hey,

go to letterbox. I don't if anybody uses letterbox, but it's pretty amazing. Um letter box without an E before the D. What is that? It's a cool like website where basically you can uh put all the movies you've seen, review them, whatever, put log them and stuff, put a watch list for things you want to see, interact with other people who have seen the movies or whatever. Um. It's really cool. Actually I like it a lot, so I'm on there. I have all my movie lists up

on letter Box. There you go, great, great resource for stuff. Um, so definitely check that out. Hey, big ups in a big thanks to our engineering producer Doug Made and the fine folks at I heeart media dot com. Please write to us at out give me this email at gmail dot com. That'smaimail dot com. Until next time on