burrito-rolling master

I've done this word. It hasn't meant me or Kevin hosting. I was like, Cole is also a great improviser who likes to play. He doesn't have to do Yeah, you know it's great just showing up and doing it, riding up the sea suggestions and figuring out the dumb questions to ask people and all that ship. It's the worst, right, Speaking of which, Cole, yep, what's your favorite Jeopardy category? It pops up? You know you're gonna get all of them?

Are just about all of them? You know, we actually watched Jeopardy pretty much daily, recorded watching at lunch Umlula of the Street that Mattea is on right now. Anything pop culture related, obviously, if it's like movies or which actually always makes me crazy because it's the pop culture things that only the super champs like run. Most of the other people just sit there scared and then they just go peep peep and like they don't know the answer is it would be like a picture Johnny Depp

and like, I don't know. Makes me a little crazy. But yeah, anything pop culture related, anything pop cults are great. I'm so glad you're here. I'm also glad that this next person here, she just sell her celebrated birthday makes up. No, it's hard. Jackie Ruthie, Alright, Jackie, serious question here. Concession of choice at a basketball game? Or what are you snacking on? See that's different than a movie. Concession of choice at a basketball game? Ongoing cinnamon ager? What cell pretzel? Wow?

Craig Is also joined us today. He made a face very controversial choice, what's sol I'm that's I'm just it's something that I never have, you know, It's it's so mall specific, and I'm so not a mall person, um, but but it is. Gosh. I love it, and I love it when they're just like a little undercooked, which they usually are, especially where it's like knotted over. That's where it really gets Doughey, Uh, give me that, and give me a Coca Cola Classic. Really, you're you're on

a diet or a Coke zero not? Absolutely not. Keep a Classic for me. I don't have it every day, so you know, I'm like, this is fine. I'll keep a Classic for when I have it. Makes sense, makes sense. Super light your hair. Everybody say hello to Mark Gagliardi. Hello, alright,

Mark Gagliardi. What's your relationship with fitness? I Fitness and I have an on again, off again relations same same we will like we we we go long periods of time without seeing one another, and then I will reach out or sometimes Fitness will reach out to me, but usually I reach out to Fitness tepidly, like I'm not

sure if I want to start things back up again. Um, And then I try and I and we'll go for like a month, and of course kind of we just kind of fall off and stop calling each other, which no one's fault, no one's fault, nobody's fault. It's nobody's fault. We're just we're just leading different lives yeah. Hey, I always think about asking fitness out and then I'm like,

I'm married, just lovliness, I'm married. I stay it this way, but not at least make some noise from my boy and your boy, Mr. Every everyone's boy here, my boy, Craig Craig. I was talking to Jessica about this, and it throw me crazy because I didn't think there was a difference. Is your autograph different from your city, different from your signature? Yeah? It is, really yeah, it is right.

I never thought about it, but it has to be now, Mark, And I know this because for Thrilling a Venture Hour, the podcast that we were on for a number of years, we would sometimes have to do like two hundred posters in a row, and so I developed kind of a shorthand uh much less legible autograph with two large cs and basically scribbles after that. So, if you know, if you're a fan of a Thrilling Adventure Hour, you're looking at fifteen names, you see two giants stays, You're like,

that's Craig Atkowski. I don't need to understand the rest of it. But if I'm signing an official document or an employment form or anything like that, attack form, I will my cursive is still not great in any way, shape or form, but I will try to delineate the individual letters in Craig and Kaikowski a little more when I'm doing a signature, but an autography, get two big seas. And also, I quickly want to mention that I've been binging this podcast, UM the Second Citizens hosted by by

Joe Canally, where he it's really fast. It's fascinating because he's just talking to um uh residents, previous residents of of Second City stages. So I know a lot of the people. But Craig, your name comes up over and over and over, and I'm always like, I want to text Craig. I'm like, he probably knows, he probably knows they're talking about it. I don't know if he put my episode out yet, but it will eventually be a guest so I will get to answer for myself. I'm

looking forward to that. All right, let's move on because this is the stage right now, everybody. Some of us didn't make it to a resident stage, you know, with Second City, but this this, this is the show. This is the show. UM. All of today's scene suggestion as always come to us from our listener suggestions, emails, whatnot if you want priority. Once while sending in a suggestion,

consider becoming a Patriot. Oh my gosh, I said considered becoming I say, considered becoming a Patreon, which is a Patreon v I P. Yeah, thank you, Jackie. Uh. You can join us on Patreon. You will, You'll get moved up in the cue as far as suggestions goes. You can check out our bonus scenes and all of our exclusive content. You can join us on Patreon at alchemy this no great dot com. That's Patreon dot com, slash alchemy this. I've only done this forever, so you have

to excuse me. Or if you want to reach out to us the old time you way, Cole. I'm looking at you, thinking Cole and never have messed this up. You want to reach out to us, eating off a piece of paper and not looking up anyway? Um, email us at alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy. That feels better. See one comes to us from Alchemy v I P or Alchemy v I P. Jonathan Crane Jonathan says, good day alchemists. Love the jargon great. Uh, I was hoping you could do a take on this

burrito rolling master, Glad, do you exist, Jonathan. It's just like it's just a tight, tight little role and you called keep it and you use your fingers, use every single finger, and you really just kind of get it real nice and tight. You know. It's just like rolling a burrito, but it's a live human. It's just a little baby, and it's just very similar and you want to keep them nice and tight in there like this. That's a bit that's a bit too tight. And it's

very great that you're trying this on a doll. First. Yeah, that's a bit too tight. Okay, Okay, okay, it's okay. Think about how much effort you're and how read your face is getting. I'm never going to get this dad thing. To get this dad thing, it's the the amount of effort is is unsafe, not just for the baby, but for you. I'm concerned about Hernia's I'm concerned about also just like um, you know, possible fatal situation. Why are you just adding more things for me to worry about.

I'm so sorry. I've already told you how worried I am about this whole process. Since the very beginning. We hired you as a midwife to handle all of the stress and anxiety of this sweet sweetheart. Sweetheart, she doesn't know who you are? Well, that kit, that's impossible. I mean she knows your name, miss, I'm assuming you don't recognize him. Oh, um, no, I it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. You probably don't eat, you do? Yeah? I eat, you know, to stay alive. But honey, don't blow up

my spot. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, if she knew a little bit about you, she might understand what's going on with the tight swaddles. Please, I would love to I would love to learn more about you. And I apologize for focusing mainly on your pregnant wife. Let me give you a little more attention. You've been focusing on Elissa for eight months now and really making this about her, and I think it should really beat you know. Sometimes it's about the dad and what he wants and

needs and does you are? You are a participant? Are going to be there? You? Um? And I've really been thinking about the birth for the most part, and now we're talking about the actual baby and and it's time for you to shine. I would love to learn more about what you do in in regards to food. I'm well, I'm the world renowned British and I was kind of hoping that our child would become a world renowned burritist. Wow.

I mean, I'm so. I'm a little shocked because I had said to do it like a burrito, and then you did it like a like a w W E wrestler. And so I take my burrio's very seriously. You know what I'm not. That's not my profession. And how dare I speak to that? Hey, nerd, looks like you were swaddled too tightly. Leave me alone, and look how wrapped you are and your shawl shut up? Okay, look, um, my dad's a burritus. I mean, I don't know my dad. Mum h Well, I would never make fun of you

for that. Maybe we're not so different after all, I don't know, we see pretty different. I mean, I'm I'm sweet and you're obnoxious. Yeah, you're right. Well, I guess I'm just gonna go punch the wall some more. Um, if I'm late for Homer and and that's why whoa truck? There's no need to do that. And look, yeah, my my clothes are really tight. My dad wraps me up every every morning. Okay, look how loose mine are? Okay, son, here's your lunch. Let me put your jacket on. You

just just suck it in. Let's suck it in. Can'll get myself for once? Dad? Oh? Someone out grown his father? A Lissa get in here? Or someone's outgrown as father? What? Yeah, he doesn't want to be wrapped anymore? Do I need to remind you who your father is and what he does? I love that I married my hype lady. You are so good to me. Can I just say I'm I didn't mean to make you run from upstairs. No, No, it's fine. It's worth it. It's worth it. D This

jacket is super tight. And there's also like there's there's a layer of beans in here, but they're they're somehow evenly distributed. That's the whole point. The beans are specifically laid out, so every bit of you has a little bit of bean. Sweetheart, let me ask you a question. What do What are some of your other friends dad's do for a living? Um? Doctor, bullshit lawyer, um recording artist,

interesting postman? Okay, okay, okay, did you hear I said interesting about the recording artist because your father is also an artist, and he doesn't get to turn that off. Do you understand he has a team full of people underneath him that are waiting years just to stir the beans. He he is so highly regarded in his in his profession. I feel like you could give him a little more respect here at the home. I don't know, I mean, like even then, Okay, wrapped burrito is still pretty good.

Oh my god, Like Susie dalton Um, this is our first official, you know, meeting, and we're going to be doing this once a month for the first few months, and then once we hit the second trimester, I'll be coming in, uh bye week by twice a month, and then once you hit the third trimester, I'll be coming in once a week. So right now, um, I just kind of want this to be a cool intro. So dalton Um, tell me, yeah, really about you and your journey and this pregnancy thus far. Well, it's been hard,

and you know, I'm I'm a postman. Uh and you know, no rain, nor sleep, no whatever will keep me away. So I've just been out delivering a lot, and uh, this is one delivery I'm super nervous about Yeah, I'm going to take care of the delivery this time. Honey. That's just I'm sorry, Dalton was talking. Dalton. I would just love to know about your journey into fatherhood and how your body is feeling right now. Well, you know, I'm a little, uh a little nervous. I got butterflies

in my stomach. Uh. You know, I was hoping that the butterflies would go away and one to two days, but it's looking like three to four days potentially Nextkay, you're feeling a kick first time, Esther. Yes, I don't know. I that's I know it's a it's a blueberry right now. It's a blueberry right now. But I'm feeling is it Is it a phantom kick? I don't know. Well, that's really really incredible. I'm sorry, honey, right now, I'm priority.

May also, let's go ahead. No, you understand I only bring the best tortillas to the best burritists, and you understand that you are my the top burritists have been for a long time. What's this about, Antonio? This feels like preamble to something I don't want to hear. Well, you might want to hear part of it. You definitely I'm just gonna say it, Okay, I came across the batch of the Guatemalan corn tortillas that the Aztecs made. What the Aztec tortillas? The very one. Hold on, let

me shut the door. No more customers for the next few minutes. All right, that should keep everyone out. Good, good, But you know it's gonna cost you. I don't have a lot of money right now, between this restaurant and and my my child and all the extra small clothes I have to buy for him. It's not money I'm after. I mean, we're talking to Aztec tortilla. Yeah, I know you mentioned that you have a son, do you not? Yes? What's this about stilt skin? Give me your son and

you'll get the tortillas. What. But that's one thing I've wanted for my whole lit life. Pit it against the one thing I've wanted for like eleven months. Oh, I don't know what to do. The choice is yours. Hey, um, I need to return this breed out. That tortilla seems to be thousands of years old. It was not fresh. I got super sick after a couple of bites. Uh yeah, yeah, we're doing We're doing an Aztech azchech corn tortillas. Could could you? Could you make them fresh next time? It

really discuss has covered a mold. Look, we we gotta batch. We gotta batche of these old Aztec tortillas, and we gotta use them up first. Like I appreciate the history of what you're doing here, but and the fact, I mean there was a search charge. It was you know, I thought you saw our creams like fifty cents to a dollar. This was seven hundred dollar search charge. I didn't notice until after you had swiped my credit card and your cashier at the time was so enough they

could not reverse the charge. But thought, okay, delicacy, I'll have it. And then I got super sick to flour by it's super sick. Brought it back. Now, I'd really like seven d either in a gift card or put back into my card. He's well, Dalton, Uh, I'm not sure why your midwife here ordered the ultrasound, but good news for you, it turns out those aren't butterflies in your stomach. Bad news for you. It does look like whatever you had for lunch, uh was it? It didn't

happen to be thousands of years old? Did it? Uh? Yeah did I. I went to the Brito Master on twelfth and um, ah that the one he's using. That he's using the Aztec toritos. Now, yeah, yeah, that's so, that's what it was. It's uh, it's just a it's just a bad burrito in there. You're gonna make a great father. Well, Hank Jr. Welcome to your new life. This what is this? What what is going on? Well? You now work for us. You'll be um digging, you'll be digging. Okay. Um, we're looking for you know, like

a truffle pig. Right, do you know what those are? Yeah? I know what a truffle pig is. You seem so confused. Okay, we took you your took you en a flight to the Guatemala in jungle to look for more. I know it's it's a weird time for me to be complaining now about it, but I'm still I'm still processing this. Look. I was in seventh grade two days ago. You know, I befriended a bully. Okay, even though we have nothing

in common. Um, My dad finally stopped wrapping me in the tightest clothes possible and putting beans in my clothes for some fucking reason. And now I'm I'm a truffle pig in Guatemala. That's about it. That's really about it. That's really about it. Um dad, I'm oh, yeah, I forgot got No Dad and my friend moved to Guatemala. This walls all punched out? Do you want to talk to me? Mom? Is about you right now? I mean, I'm here for you, I I love you, I'm I'm

happy to help you with whatever. You just don't understand so much pressure being a seventh grader like no Dad. You see how loose my clothes arm up there? Loose? I can get you tight clothes. What do you want to learn about popping boners? I know about it in your wife's fanda. I mean, I don't know. I'm just thinking seventh grade boy, dad? What what am I missing? I I don't know what he could teach you that

I that I couldn't. It's a special bond between a kid and his dad and their clothes and being able to be pinned in them properly. Mom, You'll never get it. It's not your fault. You just and understand it. I'm sure you had a similar relationship with your mom. Like I would have had with my dad, but he wasn't there, So you know, it's gonna be hard for me. And I'm gonna always have these daddy issues. Everything I ever do will be daddy issues. Alright, screenplays, daddy issues, everything

will be that. Well, fuck me, then, I guess. And that seemed to all right. It seemed to comes to us from alchemy v I p Oystein, Hans Guard gels Vic. I actually put this into Google treads late this morning. Um, and I'm I'm not too far away from the from how it sounded Oystein, Hans Guard gaels Vic. Um. And they write in Norway, when a situation is real crazy, we say that is completely Texas, referring to the actual

I know, referring to the actual state of Texas. US don't know why Wild West movies maybe, So that's my suggestion. Things go completely Texas. Love what you do, oh with a line through it, which is called a minuscule. Oh, I love that. Thank you. Get in here, yes, ma'am, Get in here right now, yes, ma'am. What what what is it? Doctor? We needs you to take over this surgery. It was supposed to be a routine app inducting me. It's gotten completely Texas in there. Oh no, oh my gosh,

I mean Dr Hoisting's just completely lost it. Dr doc will be could you not called Dr Steering? I can't find I've been paging him. He's not answering his page. I just ran into you, and ma'am, I look, I'll do what you say. You're the administrator of this entire hospital. I just want to know what I'm getting into if I go in there and things have gone Texas? Are we talking bell buckles and cowboy hats? Okay, okay, okay, toss out appendix in the air. I'm gonna shoot it. Yeah,

you got it. Mr al Right, who morning, babe. Oh my head it's pounding. I know mine too. What if we do last night? I don't know. I'm gonna open my phone and look through some pictures. Maybe we can out right right? Oh, ship, baby, I think you and I went completely Texas last night? What like I felt like, I mean I should have stopped when things went sort of wyoming? I know, I know, funk, we went full blown Texas last night. I bet that means we've got a lot of apologies to make. I got to call

a lot of the friends. Uh ship, it looks like we actually vandalized property. Yeah. Hey, well we gotta stop going Texas. I mean, look, we need to get some help. Last week you went full on Florida. That was terrible, but completely Texas. We've never gotten there. I know this is the bottom I imagine. Yeah, me too. Well, maybe we should piece together what happened from these photos and just work backwards memento style sounds good. Well, if we're gonna start at the end, is that how we would

do that? Yeah? My most my most recent picture is at the police station. Maybe we don't go there first, Okaya? Oh god, have you been seeing the news about the whole Supreme Court and everything? This whole country has gone completely Texas. It's a disaster. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm I'm I'm looking at the paper this morning. I'm I see every everything about this country is making me just is just as angry as a cow in a pasture. Y'all? What is going on? Oh? No, Dillard Mallory. You I

told you before we got married. I said, we're going to couple's counseling and we're gonna work some things out before we officially take the vows and within that you found out that I have a problem problem with chick going Texas. If you're gonna go Texas on me, I'm moving to Norway. I don't, please don't move to Norway. I know we've been working on this, We've been working through it. I don't know if mercuries and retrograde or if the sun's just shining over the range. Oh no,

I'm so sorry. I do I still have any of those pills left? Well? Sorry, you could see I got a foot over there. It looks like small intestine over there. Sound an ear and some teeth. I mean, what the hell happened here? I don't want to say it, But whoever did this obviously well you know, no say it, Lieutenant Serge. Whoever did this went completely Texas. We're dealing with the psycho pass Arge. We're dealing with someone that has no regard for human life, obviously, not even regard

for the artistry of killing. Captain. Captain, we've got a new uh thing in in this invest in this case, A new thing, Yes, a new thing in this case. I'm Captain. By the way, I don't know if I can handle more. He's Serge. I'm I'm serge who's highed, Well, you're lieutenant, you outrank me, but I think collectively we are we are yes place you were saying. Turns out those body parts and pieces we found something on them.

Oh coreat a dry rub, dry rock, dry rub. Alright, this has going completely Texas spies dry rub, seven different spices and one. Oh god, I knew something was up when we waited four hours to get into this crime scene. It's making me feel like perhaps there's more that we haven't uncovered. So I'm going to take it on my own volition. If you, if you approve as the collective captain to go sniff out and search out any Look, I'm sorry, you need a signature from a captain on this. This.

I see you got a signature from a lieutenant and one from ass sergeant. I don't not like math they look if you want, if you want to check out things from the thing locker, you're gonna have to get me a captain signature on this. I can't. I can't just release things to a deputy like that. I mean, what can I say together there, captain? So I don't think that's it. Look, we I appreciate you. I know your happy. I've seen you come in here and tearing

through boxes with a flashlight. I'll sign it for you, but I'm a captain c ap apostrophe and I I have cereal. I don't know if this will fly, but i'll I'll sign it for you. Listen, I just need the thing on the things that I can go to the thing. Okay, all right, you know I got to tell you when I signed my name as signatures, just a C C captain crunch. I don't have time. People want to understand, um, babe. So this is where. This

is the last place I remember having a drink. Okay, I think you and I ordered to audios Amarillo's right. Yeah that sounds that sounds sort of familiar, ring a little bit of a bell. Yeah, we had a sip. Right, Did you guys want to have a seat today or Hi? Do you did you work last night? Buddy tunes? I work every day. It's really grilling. Oh it's a quick turnaround for you. Um, I'm sorry about that. Yeah. There's no union, like, there's nothing to stop them from giving

me just four hours off in between shifts. It's an absolute nightmare. But unfortunately we do have rules here, so you either need to sit and enjoy. Do you recognize us? Do you recognize us from last night? So many people? So many people? Maybe if I hear you talk a little more. I'm a very oratory well based based on one of the videos I saw, heard you a lot. Can I hear you a little more? Ma'am? Um? Sure? I mean if the thing is is like, this is how I normally talk. But we kind of fear that

we went completely Texas last night. Recognized So it's possible that I was like, Hi, yeah, does that sound right? And I was like I was like, yeah, like this is yes, this is very much so ringing bells, yes it so? Did you want the same table? No? No, no, no, no no, we gotta keep retracing our steps. Thank you for your time, and hey, you know, maybe look for somewhere else to work. You got a lot of nerve coming back into this Arby's So sorry. Was it the

big hat that's what drew you in? Because you went completely Texas when you were here last night? Shoot, no, we want to say sorry. We're just piecing together. We're just piecing together what happened last night? We're good people. Why don't you look on your phone. That'll tell you what happened last night. You were shooting wide angle videos from the top of the counter here, getting Horsey sauce on as many people as you could inside this place. I never seen more you mean, thank god? I didn't

know if that was Horsey saucer or not. Come on, come on you, we went completely Texas. I didn't know. Look, we're sorry. Look, we love arbies, we love your roast beef. I always get like the big pound one. I get as much on there as possible. Um, but we just we can't take responsibility for going completely Texas. You understand, like, we're sorry, but we're sorry. We weren't ourselves. That's the worst apology I've ever heard. We can't take responsibility. What

kind of an apology is? We can't take responsibility. You went Texas in my franchise? All right, um, officer, So what what what? What? What did you dig up in those boxes? Any any, any any evidence that might direct us to who this killer was. Now, I said, I saw that you mentioned that there was a little bit of a of a sauce sauce in a was so surprising because I was expecting it just to be a dry rub situation, and then all of a sudden, there's

a wet sauce. So I'm thinking we're going completely Texas, We're going north south east west, and maybe we're even and I didn't taste it, but it was a very dark and hue, and we might even be going text mex We might even be dealing with the mole. I'm not sure, but again, if I can get your collective captain approval, I would love to even go further, get out of the walls of this precinct and take my investigation to the streets. I think that there may be

some slow roasting pits search. I can only think of one other time we you and I had to come together for a secature. We did a go stop. I got behind you, held your hand in mine. I remember vividly. It seems like maybe we got to do that one more time to give her the access she needs. I actually think it could be an oral thing. I don't think I need a physical No no, no, no, Well, we'll see where it goes. We'll see where it goes,

we'll start it, We'll see if it gets to an orbles. Yeah, so you're saying start with hands maybe and in oral where it goes? All right again, this is not a captain's signature. And why is this paper wet? I'm not taking this like look, don't do you not understand? Just let me out of the precinct. I don't know why you guys keep me in here. I've been home in three years. Yeah, you gotta stay in here right now. Things are hot and get over here. Listen. Don't you

know there's a mole in this precinct. Somewhere there's a mole. I heard it on the street. I found it. Wait what I'm not we mean you found it? You trying to say, oh, baby, huh, I didn't realize I skipped over some stuff that you had air dropped to me last night. Okay, well we're finally within reception. It probably just came in. You're so, you're so smart and like reasonable, baby? Were we were we do we have our hands and intestines? Last night? Um that I do remember, Yes, Yeah, I

was hoping we wouldn't piece it together. Um. I started to come out of the Texas when we were in the middle of so many body parts. From what I can only assume was us going so Texas that we were shooting first, taking questions later, we just we we. I think that's why we end up in the police station because I was trying to establish an alibi for us. Okay, but you're so smart. You're probably smarter than any captain or sergeant or lieutenant or anybody they might have on

that four. So surely you covered our tracks. Surely there's no evidence leading to us, right, baby, Well, I did a trail. Of course. He saw us leading back to the RBS. That matches the DNA of the manager there, so if anything goes correctly, they'll pin it on him. I love you here, and we have some that gatory, babe, what a day? Hey, we gotta get some help. Yeah, I think so. I mean, yes, we just framed an innocent franchise owner of a fat whose places probably barely

making ends meet. But I think it's time to take some responsibility in our own lives, and we killed somebody. I wasn't even in a hospital last night. What are you talking about? Shooting A shooting an appendix? I gotta know, Look, Deputy, no offense. But if I'm gonna be sitting in here in this derogation room, I don't know I should be talking to at least a cap And I know, I'm just I'm feeling like really really uh uh, but Cavin Fever, I'm just I'm feeling like I gotta, you know, get out.

And you're from the outside. I just wanted to connect with you. But um, how long you've been wearing those clothes? What does it smell like? It smells like I've been rolling around in beans. And let me tell you, it's not that I've just haven't. I've been wearing in the same clothes and we're in the same clothes for about three years. I'm gonna get you that, Captain. I'm gonna get you that, Captain. You've had good cop, now have bad cops. Everything's wet now, man, what time to confess

a cat? Look listen, captain, I wasn't even at the hospital. I was at my Arby's. We got video footage of an Arby. Some crazy lady was in there last night shooting Horsey sauce all over the place. You'll probably see me in the background at a video at some point video evidence. Hull. Take a look. I do like Rby. It's a big hat like mine. It is a big hat like yours. Yes, Oh baby, what a day. But you know what, we're good to this relax. I watch a little TV. No one's gonna come to our door.

What I said, no one come to our right? Is someone knocked at our door? All right? But I mean to day is no one's coming, No one's bugging us, No one's gonna knock on our door. Okay, you're hearing that. I am stop setting it up. And they looked at the people here. Excuse me? Did you perform a routine appen deck to me last night? Shit, we want to hire you. We need surgeons. You did a great job. Please taking it face value, go for it. Okay? Hi? Hello, Hi? Uh you know for a fact that we were at

a hospital last night performing surgeries. Yes, yes, we we have. We have camp footage and we're not in trouble. Well, look, things went completely Texas in our operating room last night, and then I guess things are also going completely Texas for you in your lives because obviously you blacked out. You performed a routine surgery, but you really got us out of a bind there. And uh, I just smell

like beans. Uh you're you're alone? Right? Yeah? Sorry, I I'm it's just a cold day, and I'm just wearing my old, my old childhood jacket. As long as you're not some deputy is trying to make a name for herself by capturing two people who committed to haynge this crime. As long as you're not that, we're no. No, that's that's not that's not me. Because if my phone, if my phone ring, sorry if I wasn't the guy you

were expecting, but this I'm the guy who's here. I'm the guy who's here, and I'm offering you a job for us that life is gonna go. Life goes the way that it goes. Second, seeing the ring comes to us from alchemy v I P. Pat scene, Pat says, hey gang scene suggestion. The people and their auditions for the canned laugh tracks on comedy shows. The people and their auditions for the can laugh tracks on comedy shows.

Keep up the amazing job, Pat. Great, I see from your head shot here that you did lear on Broadway? Is that true? This? Wowd leerd leer many times? How that is? That is great? Can you can you? Um, you know what, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give any notes yet. B wins and crack wow for this weird, just looking for sort of a gentle titter like like. It's not the funniest joke of the of the scene, but you know it made you laugh a little. All right,

are we rolling? Whenever you're ready? Who? Wow? Do you mind if I give you a little adjustment? Yes? Please, I I enjoy a direction. Imagine, okay, imagine in this moment that you are Prince Hamlet, and Prince Hamlet has just seen that he's also played Hamlet. Congratulations, I see it right here. It's actually six lines on your resume. It just you've played all of these characters in Hamlet. Yes, I played Gertrude, now Claudius, that's Horatio. I played ros

and Grants and Gilderstein. Gilderstein, this this, this is. It looks like these are all from the same production. Is that did you do these all at once? I one man Hamlet? That is that's impressive. So this time some would say I'm patting my resume, but I I'm proud of all that. I take everything that comes across my desk at face value. If you say you did it, you did it, and I am excited for you. I just like a gentle titter like it's a kind of

a kind of funny thing happened. I don't know, can you can you say something funny to just to cue me, mildly funny, something mildly funny. Uh sure? How about Um, I just flew in from Stratford upon Avon and uh boy or my arms tired? Oh good sir. This is my It's like my second acting class. The first one was like more on camera stuff, so I'm trying to work on my voice stuff as well. Just really I want to be like, you know, ready to go in

any situation. It's actually really hard to break out into the theater, so I just know that it's a little bit easier to do the whole on camera thing. Mm hmm.

I feel like they're just they're just different. But what do I know if you're just looking to round it out, but if you're looking to um build up your resume, just be aware, you know, this is pretty cutthroat this class or this this industry in general, this class and this industry both Well, I've got a thick skin and um, I've got some range, as they say, so I'm really looking forward to just like you know, working with the

master himself or herself. He's incredible. He's absolutely incredible, and he does pick favorites. He does. Oh yeah, you're obviously we're are one of his favor are your t a or no? I've just been taking this class for the past eight years. Eight years. Yeah, So you know, he knows me, and I know him, and he knows my my power, my strengths, and together we work on my weaknesses. I I got a friend who's like always making stuff, you know, So that's like I'm working of like putting

together some like photoge do with that. But right now we're working on some like straight up voice stuff. Just knock, knock, Who's who's at the door? Who is that? Who's at the door? Why it's me? Both is a mackintrick, Shakespearean actor, voice teacher. Just sorry, I'm late. I just came from a gig. Oh I've been hired to provide laughter for for multi camera sitcoms with prerecorded laugh tracks. Are we going to be working on that in here? Why don't we?

Why don't we? So? I prepared my my monologues, okay, contrasting trasting monolog minds contemporary at You're a new face, are you not? Yes? Yes, yes, sir, Yes, sir, don't bother telling me your name. I won't learn it. And you you've been you've been here before. I live here practically, yes, yes, Well, why don't you do your first monologue? Great? Okay, great, you're not going to do the whole voice thing. Well, I'm going to practice some of my canned laughs as

you do. Why don't you do your comedy monologue first? Okay, and I will regale you with laughter. Okay, great, and here it goes class. Everybody pay attention to me, look up at me. Now you are a new here. But so no, no, just continue a monologue. I'm just going to pepper pepper and laughs. Doesn't sure whether you're trying to give me notes at the same time. No, no, no, keep going. I was delivering a mild titter. Okay, great. My name is miss Wasta. But that's w A s

t A b A. That's pronounced wall star. Ah, that's walls and water f t asn't tatar star was Oh boy, oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I'm like a huge fan. I know it's just the same audition, but like, I love you, I'm a huge fan of yours. H what what do you know me from your student? Like, I'm in your classes and you looked you looked, you looked familiar. Now here we are the same roll? Roll? All right, I'm gonna bring you both in at the

same time on this one. If that's okay, we're running a little up, we're running a little late you guys, mast and student U sure cut, come on in, both of you. Great, so thank you for coming in h in this scene right here. We're what we're going to need. We'll just go one at a time, and we just want the sound that's made on a sitcom. When the will they won't they couple kisses the first time? All right? Does everybody have that? You're ready? And who's going first baths?

Mckintrick or this fellow? Um, why don't we start with Why don't we start with this fellow? What's your name? Um? Won't let it? Uh? Kyle? Okay, Kyle? Whenever you're ready? M hmm, will you give me a brief leading a scenario? Where's the first kiss? Sure? Thank you so much. That was great. That was great? Thanks? Now? Um? Uh, balth is our just about is it? It's Mr Experience actor voice teacher can laugh track master whenever you're ready. M hm, whoa, Shannon,

He's never going to learn your name. I mean, you were working on the lot to bury whatever that is monologue for months and he he gave you a mild gaffall. That was it. That's what was so hurtful. I'm used to not hearing laughs. That's fine, if you don't want to laugh, that's fine, But to verbalize it like that

was so mocking to me. And but now I'm starting to think he's doing this on purpose because he knows that my dramatic piece, my dramatic monologue is me having to feel less than and confronting a father figure about never being good enough. And maybe he's just trying to spur that within me, and he thinks he probably thinks I'm great. I was just trying to spurre that with me. Or it's time to move on to his acting class that you've been it for years, Balthazar. It's really nice

to have you in now. This is a big network, as you know, it's one of the biggest networks in TV land. You know, it's not TV Lander network. It's just I'm just saying, I don't know. I thought this was no, no, no, so uh, here's the thing. We've received a handful of your auditions, and well, we love we love it, we love it. And as a matter of fact, we are here to pitch you on a show idea that would be Greenland. If you accept, we'll shoot twenty three episodes right now. If you say yes,

here's the idea. All right, I'm waiting. You're the actor and you're the canned laughter. Let it digests, let it, let us sink in. You've understand we're competing with these streaming services now right. You know they're they're they're they're flipping the script as it were. They're they're they're trying things. And you know, we're old and the script, the script is king the words of the bar. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Anyone here wants to do unscripted work,

it's bullshit. There's no art in that unscripted You know that, right? But can I see what you've written here? May I? May I essay an attempt? This is our screenwriter right here. As a matter of fact, I won't learn your name. He well, let me see who's at the door. Why it's my neighbor Barrel Prescott, who what what O? Good? Sir Ah. I know it's hard to determine which is the dialogue my reaction, but what we know, you know this is great. I saw you do your one man Hamlet,

your woman Romeo and Juliet. You're one man twelve Night, and like, we just thought that this one man show for you on the network would just be amazing, and it is. I mean, you're bringing my words to life. Did you enjoy in Romeo and Juliet when I deflowered myself? Now those are This is also a little unorthodox. But we understand that you teach the classes, is that right? Yes, if that could be a teaching element to this, well,

not necessarily. But there's one other character, just just one that we'd like to hand out to, maybe one of your best students, somebody you've known for a while. Uh, someone that you have a real, real rapport with, so you could bounce off of each other. Okay, nobody comes to mind. Nobody comes to mind. Well, maybe maybe I think you teach tonight Tonight's Wednesday Night, Right, you teach teaching, Burbank, I do, Okay, so maybe I do. I teach it

a former Storage Locker and Jenny Punskansky. And do you also need me to say my uh, my resume, my experience in my slate or just the name. That's alright, miss Pistonski. Um, we can just go right ahead and and uh and you can jump right into the scenes. Has I've taken eight years of dramatic arts that storage locker and Burbank. I see that, and I see that. Um, that's you just wrote that on your resume. Well, I haven't really big, Yes, I haven't gotten That's where I

do my acting. That's where I do most of my acting thus far. But I'd love to I'd love to add this to the to the to the resume. I would love to add this. Wow, it's it's actually resume. Um,

but we will. Let's go ahead, and I'd like you to take a look at the point in the story where it's going between act two and Act three, and a big bit of information has just been veiled by Balthazar to Balthazar, and we want you to see if we can compliment what Balthazar did in the In the initial recording of yeah, he started interrupt I'm so I'm in the middle of anhoe I'm so sorry to interrupt. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Um network wants to turn

this into a chemistry read both is our here? He's here. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Oh no, that's that's totally fine. Well knock, knock, knock. Who's there? Wells the door while it's me Mr chist and chemistry. Yes we are, and and and how lucky to have such rapport already. Yes, I'm Balthazar by the way, Yes, yes, I'm in your Wednesday night class. Have been for a used Jenny's say that last thanks and spellered forward T A S T K I K I S C H I. I won't

learn that dame. I can guarantee you I won't learn that name. Ah, let's commence. I'm so sorry, I am so sorry. What there's been some changes, and screenwriters here implement some of those. If I swear, if you interrupt one more time, I'm going completely Texas on you. All right, It's okay, Look, it's I mean, look, you're from the network, so you get to do whatever you want, so bring the screenwriter in. As always, I will respect the written word. Sorry, okay,

so here the changes? Um, wait, really quick, both star. Um, did you do your solo production of The Tempest back in Akron? And yes, yes, that was me. Did you meet a young lady there? Um that might have gone backstage and um sounds like me. Yes, I think you're my dad. What that's what we needed to Matchine, that's what we need to Matchine. That's our show. Oh my gosh. All right, Um, I mean come on, that's fun. We're

having fun. We're having fun. Looking at my notes, uh and it says and that's our show and that's true. Let's thank all of our alchemists. Shall we see what we're up to. Cole Stratton, thank you so much for joining us. Where can we find you? What's going on? Well? I guess my neighborhood is burning down right now, so it might be my last episode ever. I do live on a very busy street. Uh, not so much at Stratton. Cole at Cole Stratton on the Socials SF Sketch Fest

coming back in January from the previous January. We'll do shows eventually. Uh, pretty Pretty Pony first Thursday every month the Westside Comedy Theater. Yeah, that's about it. Awesome, Thank you, thank you for being here. Jackie Druthy was I'll never get over that. I do it. I do it to everyone who calls me. It's so, I'll never let it go. I love a good commercial. I really like a lot of good ad campaign just makes me go all right,

you got me there. I'm at Jackie d Ruthie on Instagram and that's where I post when I have shows much like the Pretty Pretty Pony Show, um and things like that. So lots of fun things to look forward to. Keep your eyes peeled. Okay, we'll do Craig Atkowski, Why man, I love this so much? Well, of course, my favorite ad campaign is for Arby's, uh you know, the voice of being saying we have the meats. But a lot of people think that RBS would stand for Roast Beef

right being their signature product RB. But in fact it was founded in Boardman, Ohio by Forest and Leroy Raffle, the Raffle Brothers, the rs B, the RBS. The RB stands for Raffle Brothers, not Roast Base. I thought someone's name r B a r B. Can we get about there doing what's up? I think we need to hear that what's up? Cool? That was perfect and last but not Lea's Mark Gagliardi give me outway. It feels good, It feels good, it feels good. Oh, what's going on? Uh?

You can find uh we got this with Mark and Howe on the Maximum Fun Network. Uh. And look out for Blood and Treasure season two coming out soon. Yes, yes, indeed yeah, And thanks for and you didn't Are you crushed it today? Chris? Oh my gosh, thanks so much, thanks so much, and let's thank our engineer and produce it to the stars Mr Doug and the fine folks at I Heeart Media. I have been your host, Chris Albarado, and I thank you for listening, and until next time at a football of co