Arctic Scavengers

use the the moving walkways? Do you do you walk on those things, those little those little absolutely and if I can I walk or run on the moving walkway, Um, but I don't. I don't feel like people that are angry at people that are standing on the moving walkways are are sad human beings. I mean, part of the fun of it is just standing there and letting the robot do all the work. I do like to go faster. I so if there's room, I'm going to charge through. But I will never give a dirty look or tell

some step of the way. I'll just be patient. Okay, Yeah, moving walk waste, All walk waste were moving. Now, please say hello to Caroline Connor, everybody, my favorite person. Hello Caroline. Did you enter any talent shows as a kid. You know, I think I did, but I think it was whatever I did was pretty bad. I remember. I don't know if other people, maybe specifically women, have this experience, but I would. You would do it like with a partner and you would like choreograph a dance. But it wasn't

really cool, you know what I mean. It was just like a lot of like trying to like do pairs figure skating on dry land, but with the talents of like a third grader. Does that answer your question? Yeah, it does. It does because I was the kind about I think you have a lot of a lot of hidden talents that the world hasn't seen. Yeah, And if it's hidden and I'm not gonna do it, that's that's what I thought. That's why I keep them locked behind closed doors. I don'tbody say a lot of Jackie do

Ruthie Jackie Jackie. Karaoke underrated, overrated, perfectly rated, perfectly rated. It's a good time. It's fun. It's fun to do. Um it's sometimes like fun to watch a little bit, but either way, it's a good time. Let me say this, my my my most prized karaoke memory is I went to the Brass Monkey which is one of the most you know, popular karaoke bars in uh in Kaytown here

in Los Angeles. And but I went on the fourth of July in the afternoon, so no one was there except for me, Pat and then our two friends and then like two other people. So it was it was just so fun because everyone was just like so energized. But like we got to go up there a bunch of times, and I witnessed my two friends who used

to be a couple. Sadly only sadly for this fact are they no longer because their bit was so funny and they and they would do this at karaoke, because I saw it more than once, but this is the first time. They would sing system of the Down, like so one of them is doing that part and the other one's doing do you want to? And it was so perfect. It was so perfect, and like one of them was really tall and the other was really short, and like everything about it was just like this is

perfect karaoke. This is perfect. Thank you. Oh it's Mark Gagliardi. Everybody, Yes, Mark, When is the last time you swam in the ocean? Oh? Um? I think the last time, I said it probably would have been last summer. I have not gone out yet this year. Um. I go to the beach a lot, but I tend to just stay on the strand path, usually on my roller blades, and I don't want to get my rollerblades in the water. I roll old scott old school style. Um. But I do love getting in

the ocean. H I go to get in the ocean a lot down where my dad lives in Florida. But the last time I was there there was a full algae bloom going on, and I was like, that's okay. I came for a trip. I'm gonna go get in the ocean. And then I would get out and I would look like swamp thing because I'm just covered in this like green du and I'm like, no, no, no, I'm having a good time here in the water. Let's go to the restaurant on the beach. And then I don't let me in because I look like I look

like the toxic avenger showing up for shrimp tide. Yeah, exactly, I've moved from the Prince of Tides to the King of tides covered in the algae bloom. But I'm excited to go back out. I'm not the surfer that you are well but see, but the thing about me is that you don't get in the water when you serve. He just stays on top of the board. I said this. I said this once, and I think I probably even said it here. But I've said honestly to Jessica one time,

and she tells everybody now that I said this. I said to her, the ocean doesn't call to me like I'm not like, I don't feel one with nature when I serve. A lot of people are like it's therapeutic. They feel like very like connected, and I don't. It's like it's cold, it's salty, it's gross, dirty um. But I sai, you know, very often, but the ocean doesn't call it smelling candles. Ocean smelling candles for are a lie? Yeah,

doesn't smell like those candles all smell like time those candles. Well, James, No, James walks by the ocean very every every day. And I don't want to hijack this intro. But I also bought a wet suit and a surfboard and I'm going to start surfing on Monday. I know the time in the place. Are you coming on? I'm gonna first surf by myself before I come with the crew. I like to think that I like to think that you didn't

buy like a surfing wet suit. You just bought a wet suit, so a surfboard, and we'll be in both of those on the water. It's gonna tie, James. Geez, that's a whole art. We gotta move on because I want to have a lot of questions and thoughts and concerns. Frankly, um, all right, last, but certainly not least. We all love him. Craig Kakowski. Everybody, Hi, Craig Kakowski, Hi Craig. Have you

ever hit a home run? Metaphorically? No? No, literally, I'd like to think that metaphorically I have a few times, but no, no, When when would I have hit out? Run? You know? Literally? Did not play a little league? Um? I at one point I think I got persuaded to join a Chicago sixteen inch softball team. But I think, having not grown up playing baseball, like the the intricacies of base running and of defense are a lot more involved than you would think. You know. You think like

you hit and then you run. You just run, you try to score, you know, but if there's other guys on the basis. Then there was a little like a strategy thing, and like it was quickly apparent like how a little prepared I was. That's why you get home runs any of that. That's true, right, So just hit it the funk out of the park. Then you don't have to worry about that, and you don't have to

worry about it. Yeah, but no, no, And now I didn't realize until just now that that's my biggest regretting life, not getting a t ball homer. All right, that's with a bunch of a show. And as you know, all of today's suggestions come to us from listener emails. And if you want to have priority when it comes to us considering your suggestions, please join us at Patreon. Become a Patreon Patreon v I P and Alcamaniac. I always messed this part up because I don't read it. I

should just be reading the thing. I'm just trying to go off, you know, And that's that's tough. But you know where to find this Patreon dot com, slash alchemy, this or We're always happy to take your suggestions the old timey way via email. You can email us at Alchemy. This email at gmail dot com that com okay seen one comes to us from Philip. Philip says, Hey, Alchemists, this is my all time favorite podcast. It is simply joy in audio form. I have a scene suggestion Arctic scavengers.

I wish the absolute best and everything you do your fan for life, Philip. It's just that I feel like we would see something on the horizon that would fit the list of scavenger hunting, and there's obviously not a Volkswagen Boss. I feel like we've been I think we've been like pranked. I don't think we can do a scavenger hunt out here, and it's cold as hell. I think you have no faith. Ah, look out, look out through the windshield, look at the icy expanse in front

of us. Everything on that list is out there somewhere. It just it's hard to even open my eyes. The sun is so bright on the snow. It's not see you forgot your sunglasses. I didn't think I needed. I thought it was dark all the time. Up here. It's white. Everything is white. Everything is white. It bounces, it reflects white. I'm just it's gonna be honest. I haven't been able to sleep. Since we come up here, the sun is always up. I think I want to get out of

this this contest. There is no way out of the contest. Come on, come on, it was in this contest and we are not getting out of this contest. When this contest bared us up, I was worried. I was worried that you didn't have the stomach for it. I was worried that you didn't have what it took to stick a knife into a penguin and drink its blood if you needed to when you were Yeah, I didn't think you could do it. And you know what you did,

didn't you? Just last night? You did it. So the things that you don't think you can do, you can do. Oh hey, what's up is? I'm just a road tripping across the Arctic here with my uh, with my bro. Do you guys know which way is north? We got a little turned around in our old little VW here. Yeah, we're trying to go all the way to the tippy top. Yeah. Well, the problem is is this close to the pole, a compass doesn't work to well. So we've also we've also

been lost. Uh anyway, so we're just gonna drive. Wait, a second. But wait one second, let me have just a quick private conversation with my with my friend. Okay, is that going to help you find the north direction? Whatever? What is it? Forget it? First of all, we are shot friends. What we are not friends? We are teammates. We were paired together. That does not make us friends. Okay, Well, I was gonna say, maybe we could have them join

our team. Join our team? Are you nuts? Don't you think that these two are probably also on the scene. Scavenger hunt is us and this whole thing is just a ruse. Come on, which way is north? You're in the Arctic, that's right? Oh my god, Wow, welcome back to Arctic scavengers. And so far our four contestants are really off to a bumpy start, wouldn't you say? There, paul I, the polar bears are scattered throughout the grid.

They have not run into any of them, luckily yet. Uh. You will be able to identify the bear by its distinctive black nose that will appear like a dot on the horizon. It will grow closer and closer, and before you know what, the bear is upon you. I do not wish that upon the contestants, but it is always a danger. Now, Paul, let me ask you a question that someone who spend a lot of time out there

in the arctic. Uh, what do you think about Red team's move pulling up on Blue team to ask for directions? Will that be helpful out there in the tundra? I think that was a baller move. Absolutely. Uh and uh, I think the I think they've got the other team guessing. Um. Oh, ship, you know what I realized, I fucking I messed up, Bobby. I looked at look. I thought that our supplies list was our scavenger list. So it says v W bus. That's what we're driving in. I thought we had to

find another v W bus. That's why I drove up to those fuckers. And so that's why partner I thought I found you. I was looking at the wrong list all the time. She was looking at the supplies list thinking it was our scavenging list, dude, And honestly, I'm not looking at any list at all, because your eyes are like an ocean that I want to stop. That's true, that's true. No, I said, there's one rule for this scavenger, hud,

don't fall in love with me. Do you come into the Arctic and the only thing you can see is a white snow and ice, and then you look up and there are these gorgeous dark black eyes, almost like just one huge pupil. Well, yeah, I told you they severed by iris when I got eye surgery when I was six because of my double vision. And just like you sharing all of this stuff like from your past,

like I just feel close to you. Listen, if you want to look for all this stuff like I'm down, I would go to the literal and if this earth was flat, I'd go to the end to jump off if it was possible. Romance with the Red Team, Now, Paul, well, in your experience, did you ever find love out there in the tundra? I tried many times, so always swung and missed. I never hit the proverbial home run. Yes, yes, Now I wonder if their love can help them, or you know, a new love can help them stay alive

out there. It could. I think both teams are gonna have a hard time coming up with some of these items. That Debbie Gibson kis single. I don't think that that's gonna be easy to find. Uh. The Fox scat, I think is going to be find a bowl. I think that's going to be out there, a pin up calendar with a picture of a Golden Retriever puppy. Again like the the odds or slim, But you know, we've crazier things have happened up here in Arctic scavengers, you know, Paul.

One thing that is on the list that I know you found a couple of times are human remains. Yeah, yeah, you found that a couple of times. Yeah, And it kind of throws you off because you're you're obliged to stay there in honor the dead. Again, the polar bears are are just vicious when when they get to you. So now we go back to the Blue team. All right, Look, we've got almost everything on this list. We just have one more item to find. Huh. A Debbie Gibson kiss single.

I think it's a type of I think it's a type of what could it possibly have meant if they wrote Debbie Gibson ca single, What could that have auto corrected from? I think it was just a cassette that is her singles. On one side it would be probably I don't know, I get lost in your eyes, and the other side would probably be whatever other really popular Debbie Gibson song there is. I'm beginning to think my partner doesn't know Debbie Gibson. I don't, maybe I don't.

Didn't she have like electric buggaloo or what was it ecogaloo. I will throw you out in the snow. Please don't. It's cold out there. I can't go back out in the snow. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be harsh with you. It's just when you're staring so long out into the vast expanse and then suddenly or once again staring into a pair of eyes, beauty full, beautiful blue eyes where the the pupil feels just the right amount of the eye. Wait, are you talking about my eyes? Yeah, yes, stinker,

I assure him. Oh my god, yea, thank you. I'm sorry I've been so gruff. Look, we just need to find this single and get out of this goddamn tundra. Okay, um, this is uh crazy, crazy request. I know you're like the only vintage store up here in the Arctic, but my partner and I are looking for kind of like a poster of like a sexy dog, like a pin up, a sexy looking dog like in like a you know, like a Rosie the Riveter outfit, but not looking strong and not a woman. It has to be a dog,

specifically a Golden Retriever. Are you looking for sexy dog stuff? Come right this way. Sorry, I don't feel comfortable coming following you, and I don't feel comfortable following you anywhere. I'll bring it. I'll bring it out to you that okay, here we go. No, this is um my own personal polaroid collection of dogs I have found attractive. No, I don't do you know what a poster is. It's like, yes, so usually at least um, at a minimum, I would say it's like an eight by ten at a minimum. Okay,

so at least yeah, okay, keep talking. And what else? What needs to be on the picture? Well, like we said, we're looking for a sexy dog, sexy dog in particularly, I got good news and bad news for you. I have a pin up of a Golden Retriever, but unfortunately it's not terribly attractive. Oh my god, No, no, no, no, that's a picture of a Golden Retriever pinned up. Yeah. That is just dude, This is that you know nine one waters scr all right, don't don't put me the

name on one. Okay, okay, Look, I can help you out. I can help you out. How this is the last thing we need? Well, the shop right next door to mine. It looks close, it looks closed, but it's open. It looks like an igglue. Nobody's home, someone's home. It's it's at a poster shop, specifically posters. Well, it's hot. What do you think should we do it? I mean, this guy freaks me out, and I know statistically this all

signs point to we're gonna get got. Yeah. If I got to get god, I want to get caught with you stop it? Well, yeah, sure, we definitely have the We've got a sexy golden retriever. Oh it's awesome. Sorry that I'm just taken him back. This this place is so big on the inside. On the outside it looks just like small but wow, it looks like a doghouse on the outside. On the inside looks like you're you're on vintage row. You know it's this. This is the

area that everyone comes for for resales shops. And I've I've been trying to unload this Tiffany kissingle. Oh which one? Well, it's uh, I saw him standing there. Yeah, backed with um the the other big Tiffany hit. It's a little faded. Oh, it's a little faded. Yeah. We don't really have a lot of cash, kind of just for the poster we need. But if you want to unload that, we'll take it. Well, I do do trades. Okay, we got some extra fox shit. Um, he found a lot of fox shit. And that was

after I took a ship and cut my shot. Gas stations usually have audio books on tape. I mean, who listens to audio. Look, I'm sure Debby Gibson's popular down here. Look you are. I have faith in you. I think you can do it. Yeah. Yeah, so go in there, hunt. You see what they have, and if they don't have it, then you know you and I are gonna be okay. Okay, Hey, before you go in there, I'll miss you. Oh sorry, I thought I'm sorry that I can do this. Hey,

before you go in there. Yeah. I also just wanted to say, um, I'm really glad. I'm really glad the game paired us up like this. Me too. You know what, I don't think I could have split that panquin open. I could have never worn his little sleeves like a jacket. Unless I had you, and I would, I would have never known the meaning of being with another person after so many years up here in the wilderness. Now you go on in there and you see if he's got

a Debbie Gibson ki single. Hey, hey, I'm gonna stop you right there, you two you might recognize me. I'm sad, this is Paul. You're the host of this Discharging Scavengers. Please let me how to hear you know, we want to let you know that the Red Team is right over there in that igloo. That's right, and uh well, the true search of this show was for connection. Wait a minute, the items were just you know, not that's important. But the million dollars we still will get. It's just right, Paul,

Paul goddamn bear slashed me open. Oh my god. And that scene one see two comes to us from Alchemy v I p Robert Williams. Robert says, and I love when we get these. Hey, y'all, maybe this scene suggestion is good enough for the queue since the other two weren't. Not that I'm that bothered by it, but you know, I do pay for the privilege. I think that's look you we we consider these, all these suggestions. You know what I mean, you move up in the queue. You

don't just get to say whatever you want. But I know already if this is the one you picked, that it's fucking ye three. This is the one. Robert Williams his suggestion on strike at the paper clip factory. He says, he says, love you all. Well, I'm not gonna do this anymore for bullshit wages. I don't need to. I don't need the money that bad. I agree, let's let's let's quit. I don't. I don't know if quitting is really what I want to do. I kind of want

to have a temporary hold on my position here. But if we can get a whole bunch of other people to temporarily not work, we could maybe bargain for you know, running water at the fountains instead of whatever that is supposed to be that comes out of the phone and it looks like sludge. These conditions are terrible. I'd work for better money, better all right, you got time to quip, you got time to clip? Okay, Um, I don't know, I'm gonna I'm sorry, I'm gonna make a big announcement

for me. It's fine, it's fine. I think they got my back. Me, Benjamin, not gonna work anymore until conditions at this factory are better. Who's with me? Who's with it? It sounds like no, but he is with you, Benjamin. So you know what, you don't get a sludge break today? Sludge break for you? I need something. I can't just keep working. I sweat when it's it's so hot in here. Everybody else did? This is your time to get some piping hot sludge? Where were you? Why didn't you get up? Well,

that was an awful plan. That wasn't you had no You had no plan. And you know, Big paper Clip is not gonna look kindly on someone just saying they want to break with no plan. Paper Clips are all about having a good plan. If you would have stood up, everybody here likes you. You're popularity. How do you say, how do you think I stayed miss popularity? It's by doing what's cool, and you know it's not cool standing up for what you believe in. Okay, I'm serious. People

don't um excuse me, big paper clip? Um? Yeah, what what is it? Tony? Um? It's Tommy sir. Um. I don't need to know your fucking name. I'm sorry, big paper clip. Um, it's just that there are there are there are rumblings, um among the underlings on the factory floor, sir, rumblings among the younglings. Yes, yes, sir, there there. Well tell me more. Do you remember do you remember last week, right around sludge break time, when um I think his name was Benjamin stood up and said that he wasn't

going to take it anymore. Yeah, yeah, his Norma Ray moment. Yeah, it seems like other people have kind of latched onto that Norma Ray moment and there's a bit of a ground swell. Sir. I'm like, a what ut latched on? Like like I don't know, like they fastened themselves to the idea of of a of potentially a work stoppage, sir, a work stoppage. Yeah, no, I didn't. I didn't mean interrupt placed on hip and we've got to crank out paper clips at faster rate? Is that the demand for

paper clips is crazy? Look, I I understand, sir, but but but if if we overworked the workers, then there's there's there's not going to be any paper clips getting made at all if they stop the work, Sir, do you understand, all right, what what do you propose I do, Tony? I propose, uh, I propose I don't know, starts smaller pizza in a movie night. Maybe something to show the people that you really care. Pizza in a movie. You know what. My my, my, my, my, my uncle. He

works at the stable factory. Actually, he says. He says, they got snacks. He says, they got they got they got coffees. He says, the god they got. They got a cigarettes. He says, the god they got, they got a roll ups. He says, they got out, they got, they got up. Well, we don't have any of that stuff. You have sludge dripping out of your mouth. I don't know. Thank you for noticing. Oh it was hard. Well I noticed too. For noticing. It feels nice that somebody noticed

it was. I wasn't trying to do anything. I just you looked weird with it. Now, I don't know, I look significantly better as what you're saying. You're putting words in my mouth. I don't mean to do that. I put sludge in my mouth. I put nothing in your mouth. Okay, So a team works over at the staple fact. Yeah, when we hold hands, I tell you a little bit more about this. I don't really feel comfortable. Are you

very palmy like? And I will say though also I don't want to make it weird, but your ratio of finger to palm on your hands is unlike anything I've ever seen. One knuckle, it's like one n It's like, that's why I can't work at that at the stable factory. Isn't that I would think? And this is just what I've heard because my connection is I have connections to everywhere, as you guys are really popular, so I have friends

at the stable factory too. I think it's easier over the stable factory because there's only two um edges on the stable. Two bends, thank you, and paper clips. It's not even a ninety degree angle we have. It's harder because it's circular and we have to do multiple all right, all right, all right, you got time to be friends. You got time to bend paper clips, big paper clip. Oh I know that I'm just a little paper clip and I'm supposed to do your bidding and set up

the piece of movie night. But I got a job offer over at Microsoft. They be bouncing around and given instructions, and you know, I like to perform. Oh, I can't lose your little paper clip. You're the only person who gets this place. Well that's good to hear, because i haven't felt appreciated at all, and I've got talents, you know, I've got real performer performing aspects of of my soul that need a good out there. And Microsoft is offering me that. Well, what kind of money they offering money?

They told me snacks, big time snacks. I mean Jared Deli chocolate. I mean, we're talking big time and they were gonna give me alright, board, Microsoft, board, everybody gather around to gather around to introduce you to one of our newest members of the team. It's a little create you know what. I don't need to talk about this little paper clip. Come on out here. Huh look at this everybody. That's Yeah, that's the way you go. You go girl, Yeah, okay, okay, don't stop, get up on

the table. Go ahead, keep going, shake shake it, shake chackena stack jacken, butterfly ending pose, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, Because I just hit the end of actually pretty good. Yeah, free style, like a freestyle, but that was not what do we think? I like it? But or her. Excuse me, but a little paper clip. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Um so, and I don't want that to tie us too much to big paper clip, which is where you're from. If I'm

not mistaken, he's my uncle. I see the family resemblance. Um some people think that he's actually my about paper clippy? Wait what I never met my dad, And some people think that my mom. That's sex with my own but then said lied and said that baby her husband. Okay, no business. I just feel like, alright, guys, my my office assistant has left to become Microsoft's office assistant. Why are you crying? No tips, no clips, no tips, no all right. Look, hey, we're gonna do pizza in a

movie night, just like you asked. What movie? Okay, We're gonna do Lars von Trier's two thousand musical spectacular Dancer in the Dark starring York Yeah, okay, good. I was worried, but that might not go over well. But where pizza is Dakota style pizza? Yea yeah, straight shipped into Sioux Falls. Hey, co worker, I forgot your name, but I was thinking

it was pretty something. It was something special when you and I both both like that same movie, and then we we large FRONTRAI is my favorite director of all time. My mine too. And then and then well we we both liked that same Pizza Detroit. Yeah me too, style, Dakota style, Yeah me too. You ever seen that movie where um Anti Christ? Is that the one? I love that film. It's so good, sounds religious. No, really, it's

it's just by the same director, I think. And what about that one where it's they hired sex people to have sex but then they see g I the actors faces on them. I love that one too, It's so funny. So I guess we we got our job. We got everything we wanted, didn't we. Yeah? Oh, I thought you wanted to talk about movies with me. I thought it over here. I'm a bit of a movie buff. I don't know if you can tell Well, see, I'll see you at movie night. Then is at the end of

the conversation, big paper clip, Hey little buddy, listen. I know I I disappointed you. I know I betrayed you, but you went for that Silicon Valley money. Oh god, I'm exhausted. I mean, they won't let me stop dancing, and I love to do it, but my god, I need a break. They will, Yeah, I think that they might be. It sounds like they're getting off on it like sick purves, the only kind of perves there are. Right, it was so smart and I should have listened to you.

I should have never try to go cal North, California. Little clippy, little little look clip, get in here, get in here. Yeah, you've been doing a great job. You know that. Thank you. We're doing a great job. Yeah. I feel like it could be doing better if I had some rest. I agree. Well, I don't know about that. Maybe we can switch it up a little bit, don't you. Would you unbend a little bits, stretch, relax, unbend a little bit. That can be like a painful process. Let

me help, let me help, let me help you out here. Man, hey man, hey man, what's the issue? The issues are your hands on my coopy body? Okay, Oh, nervous that my little floating eyeballs are going to pop right off, so please just just don't just don't alright, alright, alright, yeah, I only feel comfortable with a paper touch, paper, touch. Yeah, listen again, if you want me to stay here, I

need some breaks. I'm gonna be unionizing with myself. I'm gonna be unionizing with myself breaks or I'm gonna I'm gonna strike. Oh I had a feeling i'd see little clip in here. Uh oh God, I don't know if you knew this, but you're working here for Microsoft because we're going to make your species obsolete. Else please, like, what would you do that? Because paper isn't needed in the virtual world. What the hell are you gonna clip together, idiot on your fingernails. I can open the sit card

part of a cell phone own. I mean you need a small, strong, little cylinder that can easily fit. I could clean computer. We have backs of ear rings and tax for that. And you will wound up and stretched out like a little paper clip, not even willing to unbend for a nice old gentleman there. God, God, please, I'm sticking to my I'm sticking to my laurels, my laurel, and I'm gonna not even I'm gonna not even. I'm

resting on him and I'm sticking on him. Not. If we digitize you, we're gonna turn you by an aries zero one zero zero one. Okay, guys, little paper clips not gonna be back. Oh, but tonight's movie is large Fontiers Nymphomaniac. Scene three comes to us from Alchemy v I p. Roberts. He says, Hey, James, glad to hear

you will be reading these from now on. I know Kevin said you guys don't need more suggestions, but I had to get this one on paper because I felt it was my best idea for scenes since I started listening back in two thousand nine. I'd also love to get a plug in for Caroline's podcast Stinkers, truly one of my favorite podcasts in years. There's also Joey's new audio book, The Which of West Oak very funny any Alchemy this fan would find these things funny as well.

I love seeing you all find success, and I'm rooting for you. What a good dude suggestion New York water smuggling ring mm hmmm. You know the pizza in l A just doesn't taste the same. You know what it is. It's the water water. No, I have a so I grew up in Queen's first of all, and ever since here like the bagels are not the same, the pizzas and not the same. I know you've said that for so long, and then I took that trip to New York, and now I realize you're right, it's different here. It's

the water. It's the water. Is it a soft water hardwater thing? Is it a calcium thing? What is it that makes it so much better in New York? Hey, it's in New York water, you know. And uh, it's just the fact that it's from New York is what makes it better. Sorry, do you either of you have any books to check out? That's what this line is for. Oh oh gosh, let me go grab some. You don't, okay, Yeah,

I'm used to. Uh, I'm used to go into the New York Public Library with the famous lions statues, Ghostbuster's Library. I love library exactly. This is of the Los Angeles Public Library in downtown Los Angeles, and it operates pretty much exactly the same. Um. Yeah, I don't know. It just feels a little more, you know, superficial. You know, it just feels very l a here. You know, it's it's not you, it's not New York. Okay, okay, not a problem. Excuse me, I like to return this book. Okay, yeah,

thank you? And and and can I just say I don't think you should carry the Divergence series here anymore. Um, thank you for your feedback. Man will take that into consideration. You think about how violent these little teens get. They get very, very violent. It's fiction, and if you look at some of the greatest works of fiction, you'll find that there is quite a lot of violence in in them. This teen girls getting her ass beat by a bunch of older men. And we're saying that that's good, that's

good entertainment, and I'm rooting for these guys. Um. I don't know how you read the book. That's not how I remember. I think it was all the teens kind of fighting against each other right now, and it's a lot of I mean, there's I mean, this girl's getting beat by a lot of men. Excuse me, h. I heard you guys talking about New York water and how these are typically better in New York. Yeah, things are so. He's always says things are better in New York. He's not.

It's just a fact. Hey, don't you want you meet me outside? I got a little proposition for you guys. You know, I liked this book series better when it took place if it took place in New York. I heard you talking about the Divergent series. I'm talking about it takes place in dystopian Chicago. What the hell did a little rewrite? I did a little rewrite of it. So this, this change is probably a lot of the problems you might have with the Divergent series. Check out

my first one. Okay, it takes place, it takes place in New York State. It's not the same, and there's there's no violence in it. It's really good. Takes Do I get three weeks for this? Or I don't understand why we have to stand on the yellow line? You said meet you outside, but we are standing in the middle of the street. This feels unsafe. Are we standing up? What are we standing? Online? Okay? Because tell me, tell me what are you feeling right now? What are you feeling?

Cars around us? Can we please get over to the sidewalk and where else? Our car is always around you when I don't know, not like this, probably in New York, in New York City, am I right? Yeah? Yeah, but it's it's not the same. It's not the same. Okay, okay, okay, come on over to be like taxis. I know, I would just want to give you a feeling. I know, I know, seems hot. That was very scary. I open my trunk, ups, give me one sec. You want to talk about hot New York? New York in the summer

gets hot, it gets hot like this. This is this is like mild and pleasant all the time. It's it's been looking his trunk. Hmm. See that New York water. That's the distinctive look of New York water. That just looks like water to me. I don't know, so he gets it. Are you from? Are you from? What? Are you? Freeens? Oh? Queen's I'm a Queen's guy, Wall, I'm Queen's. Well, my mom's from queens a Storia. Okay, okay, your mom my mom my mom? And of course, hey respect respect respect.

Oh boy, oh boy? What what a what an intersection? I just a section right, come on, come on, forget about it, come on, oh ship. Hi, um, gentlemen, I'm just hi. I just thought I heard some New York accents um, and I thought I smelled something that smells a little bit to me like ship. What do you think I could be talking about New York water? Well, first of all, what you say New York accent? That's very vague like what it would you know? What borrow

are you referring to me? We're training specifically to Queens a queen's accent someone or on third and five is what I thought I heard? All right, story, Yeah, you're a real Henry Higgins with your specificity of your accent recognition. Well, let me tell you something I'll never forget. Because my partner was killed by a guy, a sucker from Queens. He was My partner was l A born l A cop. Is that a thing? Can you be born in l A? Hey?

I'm sorry for tracking you down at your house, your your your rental is not up yet, but I was wondering if how you are enjoying the new Divergent series. It kind of it's different. I'm going to be honest with you. I made now. If this is wrong or illegal, or I've i've met. If this is bad for you, you let me know. But I've actually made six copies of your book and I circulated it with my book club. Now none of us are done with it, but we're meeting in a week and a half and if you

can get these ladies hooked. Now, I've only read the first three chapters and so far, it's the least sexy book I've ever read. Oh God, it's my husband. Listen, he's from Queens. Just you've got to get out of here. He's very Okay. If you need any other books I've got, I've got just about every popular book you can imagine where all the violets, all the sex has been taken out of place here, I've followed you home. Okay, you know what, Actually, no sex cana go over here like

a fucking metro station. All right, he's tall. He's so tall he can fold the Chicago style pizza. Can you believe that? That's how strong and tall he is. He can fold anything. Um, Laura, I have something really messed up to tell you, but it's just something i've noticed. Thank you for meeting me here at this juice shop. Um, I don't think your husband is from Queens. Calls a lion, Yeah, basically because he says weird things like the metro station.

When referring to the subway system, he called it the Windy City, which is Chicago and not New York. Ok, the Big Apple. And he said that the best sports team he loves from New York are the the Miami dolphins. You're out of control. No, his favorite song is is New York, New York That wonderful time. That's well, Vince, what do you mean it doesn't taste like a New York pizza. We used that water from that man's trunk and he said he was from Queens. I think we

got I think we got ripped off. You're from New York, you can't get Look, I am as easy to rip us off, but you're supposed to be unrip offable. It just doesn't taste right. And I am here today with the owners of the New York style pizza shop interviewing them for their UM store opening today. How are you guys feeling? How are you feeling for the first official Yeah? Yeah, yeah, great and authentic? Authentic? Yes? And and um, if I heard correctly, you got this water legally imported from New

York City? Is that true? Yeah? Yeah? Where are you from? By the way, what did you grow I'm from l A. Well not, I'm from Chicago. Um and yeah, it's a long story. Okay, So you're not somebody with a strong sense of place like a New Yorker? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I think this pizza will suffice. Then well, I'm babe, baby, wake up. That new that new pizza place is openy. I wanna it's from my hometown. I want to go. I want to can't get nap. You can't have your mid mid evening nap. I want I

want to go grab a slice. Sorry, I just got some nauseous. I had to close my eyes. Those headaches again. Can you believe it? The doctor next you know, ahead, I was just gonna say. The doctor said I was gonna have no true side effects from my new colonic and now here I am just getting these micraines that are manifesting in nausea. Slice, baby, you need a slice of pie from my hometown. I've been telling you about this for a long time. That's right. And uh, your

hometown is U seventy seven and two. It's different, it's different. It's it's different than here. Baby. Over here, you got last year fair facts over there. Look look my best friend he grew up onto and nointh you know North. What's your favorite I mean, listen, I'm not I'm not saying anything. It's just what you need. What do you need? What's your favorite Alicia Keys song? You know I don't listen to piano music. Baby, So next question, next question,

next question. Listen to the piano makes me feel weird? Yeah, you need anymore? Um, let's get a slice. Let's let's go get a slice. Okay, you and me, are you shure? Just farting through this straw into this bottle of water is working? And they really fallen for this? Being New York water, I feel like they're gonna know it's just fart water. So where are you from? Exactly? I'm from just outside of New York City in New Jersey. Can

you tell by my accident? I can't. I can't wait. Boss, do you want us to keep eating these beans too? Fart into the water? Keep beating the beans? Okay, by the way, I'm from the same well. Wow, wow, Look who it is. Look who came for a slice? Hey it's my water hook up guy. Hey, hey, this is my this is my wife. Here are you doing? She's not from she's not from the city, you know? And you are? You are from the city. I uh, we established where we are from. Well, my mom, my mom,

you know, so your mom's from my story? Yeah yeah, yeah me, I grew up on the I know by the one of those things called your stores over there there, like look store, but the boda boy grew up. You grew up by the bodega. Okay, yeah yeah. So anyway, so my wife here, she's never had a true stace to meet you. I'm from Riverside, California. I just talked like this because I got a speech impediment. Okay, that's all right, And I just didn't want any questions. I

didn't want any of that. But I'm excited to try a slice because my my book club absolutely devours pizza. I gets their job. We barely even get to talk about the books that the pizza is good. So if I like this, I'm like, Okay, what do you want? What do you want to slice? What do you want to hold on? Hold on? You guys got a whole news crew here and everything. Yeah that's right. This is going out live on and you guys are giving me everything I need. I haven't even had to ask any

questions because it is just really good stuff. So keep it going, keep it going. So I think we're gonna go classic in New York. Give us deep dish. I'm going to want you've got if you could put everything on top, all the meats into the deeper dish. We do slices, all right, Cheese, pepperoni, veggie. That's about it, all right. And it's a foldable slice. It's a slice you can fold and put your mouth. Can fold anything.

You've seen these hands that look like basebombs, you know, with the skyscrapers and the trains going by all the time. You got to be able to fold anything at any at any time. She's something friend, my New York friend. You saw me fart water. That's oh gosh, um, James, Did you say that because you think New York water chastes like fart water? No. I just feel like if we were saying this smells bad, that's one way you could make it happen where fart water smells. That's right,

that's right, James, while we're talking to you. But thanks for playing. Thanks for being you, James, Thank you. I don't have much of a choice these days. Have kind of committed to being me. I mean, it's I mean, I guess I do have a choice. Every day. I could be I don't know someone else pretty much. Actually, no, this is me. We know, and we know and we love it, and I can't wait to see you out in the ocean this summer surfing along with the West

Side Surf Crew in your tie everybody. I've told this to this too, because I'm just gonna take my surfboard and I'm gonna walk straight from my house to the ocean two blocks away, and I'm just gonna get on top of that idea. And that's what everybody keeps saying. I have a good surfer, surf before. But I'm a good swimmer. I'm a good skater, got incredible upper body. James James, James Sjames Shames, Shames, I'll see you out there moving on. Caroline, Well, I see you out there.

Are you are you? Are you a beach person? Um? Yeah, sure, I went surfing exactly once. Was it with It was with Doug. That's what I'm fun. I never but you know, I think I could be pretty below average atted if I kept if I kept at it. Um, but the ocean, my thing with it is it's too big. That's what's up. Yeah, that's what's up, Caroline. Where can the people follow you? You know on my Instagram cotter poop And then you know we got a paid shout out for a Stinkers

podcast you can listen to that too. I paid that man to write in about that, so you know whatever. Okay, Jackie, Well, we see you out on the on the waves this summer. Um. You will not see me out on the waves this summer. Um. The ocean calls to me, but the warm ocean calls to me. This ocean does not call to me. Too cold to murky. Um. Where there are seals, where's there's where there's large prey, there is large predator. Uh So

I'm good on this one. But perhaps you'll see me rolling in the sand um or you can definitely catch me at Jackie Ruthie on Instagram. And guess what, guys, it's almost Christmas in July. And I know for a fact that this July we have a special guest on one of our episodes. Who um, the Alcamaniacs are gonna know and love? And I'm not going to tell you who You're gonna have to find out. Let's twist say. Okay, maybe it's Mark Gagliardi. Mark. I don't want to say anything. Okay,

I don't want to say that. I shamelessly just reached out to Jackie the other day, like I love Christmas. I love Christmas movies. I want to be on your show. I'm not gonna say that that happened. Okay, why don't you say where we can find you? You can find me online. I am at Mark Gags on Twitter and Instagram and uh yeah, and if you live in Los Angeles or in the surrounding area the second Thursday of every month, you can find me with what you will

a Shakespearean unplay at Lineage Performing Arts Center. Also, we got this with Mark and Howe on the Maximum Fund Network. Wait wait, wait, wait real quick, I know we're wrapping up. What what is this? This Shakespeare show? It is imagine a sketch show where not everything is necessarily a comedy sketch, but it all revolves around the works of Shakespeare. I am yeah, I know. I realized as I was saying it, the guy who is famously champions uh improvisation that is

not always comedy. Um, a sketch show that is a sketch show that is not always comedy is a delightful thing. So yeah, good, but you're plugging that. And I mean, Craig, You're always comedy, dude, Craig's comedy. You are right or die? Um, yeah, and I think pizza wars are silly to like. L A has a lot of great pizza. I love New York style, love Chicago style, both the deep dish and the thin stuff. Um I love that Detroit pizza with

the caramelized crust. I'm Dakota pizza was a joke, but I'm sure like, if you're from uh, if you're from Pierre or Bismarck or Fargo or sup Falls, and you want to talk up your pizza to me, like, please let me know next time I'm there. I'll check it out. All right, You're right, pizza wars are silly. They are silly. We can just love the world. Pizza is still pretty good.

That's right. Thank you all for being here, and let's thank our engineer and produce it to the stars and surf Instructor Extraordinair Doug As the fine folks, and I heart media. Thank you, I heard I've been your host, Chris Avarado, and thank you for listening. And until next time, oh colonel