America's Gum Control Issues

been invented it. I don't want to take too much time, but I had one time duck taped like railroad spikes to my shoes and I would grind on those, and then I found out that there was actually shoes made for it that had these like plastic grind plates. And I used to do stairs and all sorts of tricks. But then at the old age of like eighteen, my knees went bad and I couldn't do it anymore. That like sounded like Latin to me. So many terms. Have

you never heard of? Freestyle walking? It's like walking, except it's got a little bit more spizzazz to it, and uh, you jump up. It's like skateboarding, and you have the skateboard where it slides down the rail, but instead you just have grind plates on your shoes. You slide down there. It was awesome, but it is a lot of high impact stopping stop because it was stupid or no. I like when you go down the guard rail. At the bottom, you you plant the ground, but you're going so fast

you instantly stop and it hurts your knees. Just now, I'm gonna have picture you're doing this for the rest of my life. That's all I'm gonna see. As you're walking down the alley towards the theater, freestyle and you might notice me. I do freestyle walk. Sometimes it's just a quick foot plant on a wall. But yes, I'm so glad I ask you that question. Next up, Chris Alvarado, Chris, brunch under or overrated? Huh, Well, I don't think it's underrated.

I think it's perfectly reading. Um. I don't do at a brunch myself. The last time I did a brunch, I think it was with a tool and Robin. Is that a brunch that we did? That was a brunch that that was nice? Um? I got no problems with brunch. Cole, all right, you're not gonna hear a bad word out of my mouth about brunch. I just don't participate in brunch a lot. Also, the idea of getting drunk during the day, if Mimosas is your thing or Bloody Mary's is you know, foreign concept to me. Now, I don't.

I don't drink. Sorry, you know, if I'm being honest, I'm still I'm still thinking about the soaps that James was talking about because I was an aggressive inline skater and I think the soaps are a little more there's a little more connection between those two than skateboarding, even because there's a little bits without shoes, and we too

would put grand plates on our shoes before the soaps happened. Cole, you know you asked about brunch spilled back over into the aggressive into the walking, and I'm sorry, that's where my head is, and I apologize. I love you. I'm happy. No, it's good because like there's that point in life when you transition from freestyle walking and grinding to brunch, Like there's this that's a point, so you gotta figure out where you are in life. You know, that's right? Uh,

you know, I'll take brunch down a few pigs. I ain't gonna wait for an hour for eggs. There you go. Uh, next up? Whoa saying it's all? Uh? Say you're in like a David Busters or a Chuck E Cheese? What's your go to arcade game activity? All right, those are two different places, and I will I'll give you two different worlds that those are in. Um, I like basketball hoops and like, let's go David Busters first. I like throwing tossing the football as well. UM used to play

a lot of pool of David Busters. Not not the game type of game you you're talking about, but oh air hockey. Big fan of air hockey, love it any size, big or small. Switch to Chuck E Cheese, ski ball, skiball ski ball, ski ball, skiball ski ball. And I think as I got older, I got worse at it. But I've really started focusing on that hundred in the top left and right corner, and I feel like that's where all the effort I just wanted to immediately get

better at the sport. Uh. As soon as I started putting money in wasting time with I don't got time. I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm doing stuff. I got brunches, I got soaps, busy. That hundred in the corners, the difference between like four tickets, like four tickets, but they'll just google soaps by that because I had to know what the hell is going on? Thank you. Like Irish Springs, it would be dangerous to slide down a rail on that.

But yeah, I tell you, it's all body washes nowadays, these kids their body washes class but certainly not least Craig Kowski, Craig, if you could reboot, remoke, remoke, Wow, reboot, remake a movie from your childhood, what would it be? What do you think? I mean, they probably have already done it, but I'd remoke, do the right thing and cast myself as mooky. No boy, Uh, I think you'd want to go with something that like is fondly remembered but is not actually good. Um, so you can update

it accordingly. So maybe like Explorers. Uh, it's a good one with Ethan Hawk and uh River Phoenix, I think, yeah, or the Last Starfighter something around that. Yeah, Cloak and Dagger. You wouldn't change a thing. I mean, you can't replace Robert Preston like that was amazing. Um. Yeah, no, those are all good choices. Explorers, especially at the last like twenty minutes. People like that doesn't work for most people.

I don't think I've ever seen that. It's the kids build a spaceship in their backyard and then spoiler go to space. So there you go. Great, Well, let's do a damn show, shall we. All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v I p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other works, just head

on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the podcast at alchemy this email at gmail dot com. This scene one is from listener Joe Lutovski, who wrote, Hello, Kevin or whoever is reading this. You said on a recent episode you're running low on scene suggestion emails or something.

This is a recurring theme, so here's a bunch. Use them as you see fit, or feel free to revisit this email for future episodes if you get really desperate. So there was a whole bunch of them listed, I just chose this one. Here's one America's gum control issue. That's g u M gum control issue. Yeah, look right, right under this desk here, and we've got like forces stuck. So that's disgusting. My god, Oh my god. All right, well, I guess get the peanut butter on Hell, this is

just a desk. Oh, that's embarrassing. I put a lot of peanut butter. There's a lot of peanut butter under a lot of We gotta go clean that off my ship. I promise my wife i'd be home for dinner. I don't think I could. We're gonna have to go back. We're not leaving peanut butter under desk for kids to come eat tomorrow. Hey, chet, look at the Look at the janitors, Look at him, Look at him. I got a big pack of fruit stripe and nowhere to be. Hey,

where'd you get that? Except from your dad's drawer? Yeah, yeah, he doesn't know. I know about it. Everything's in there, big red, juicy fruit. I'm feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable about with this. Oh, come on, man, you gotta do it. My mom says that you gotta be dumb to handle gum. You call me dumb. You call me dumb? No, I know, no, I'm just saying I we you doing. What do you? Oh? My god, Frank, did you hear that? Hey? What are your kids doing here so late? Playing? Playing homework?

Playing homework? Is that gum a little your face? God's cheek? It's get over here, Get over here. Run? You got cop by the ear. You're not this is not God. You're not allowed to do this. What do you mean you trace the gum back to my house? Yeah? So you found it on You're saying my kid had something to do with this if this is your kid, right? Is your kid? Did you take the gum out of the drawer? Dad? No? Dad, no, of course, I yes, sir, No, he didn't because I teach my my kid gum safety.

So you have your gum in a lost combination drawer? I do, I do. I'm a registered gun owner. Uh keep my gum in a We don't have the authority to do this, but do you mind sharing your gum permit with us? Sure? Here, take your son to I mean, did you check with all the kids at this school, because there's a lot of kids that are, you know, young, dumb and full of gum. I mean, we caught him with gum on his face. We caught him the gum on his that isn't many thing. We've got it right.

We've got a right to you, gum in this country. Mom. Can I have more potatoes? Please? Thank you? Dad? Um, I'm turning thirteen next tone. This is good mom, thank you. Huh Okay. I was thinking, I don't think I need a bike anymore. They're all I wanted that bike. I don't think I need bikes. But what about the bikes on the parade that you were excited to do with the kid any more? Or oh, I mean thirteens a kidney? Dad, I'm trying to watch the news here, kid. What do

you want? Yeah? Dad? I was thinking, if maybe if I'm really responsible and I do all my homework and I get good grades and I do chores, if maybe maybe I could get as not this conversation. But I'll be safe year old dad. It's different now, same stuff, all right, Janine. I thought we'd handled this already. Maybe we should just be honest with our son. Honey. I want you to look at this little patch of hair in my in my head, what look at look at this when I was a little girl, When I was

a little girl before there was such tight laws. I'm gum, I got gum putting my hair. It's right there, It's gonna be there forever. That's what you don't understand is these choices you make now as a little young man are gonna last forever and you can end up getting getting a woman you love. Have govern But Dad, correct me if I'm wrong. This is a free country, right, I'm talking all right? Yeah, thank you, thank you. Wait to get my own a first time at the gum range. Yeah, yeah,

I'm just a little overwhelmed, as I know. There's a lot. Uh how much the experience do you have with gum? You need to start started gum. You need to start a gum. Uh here's uh yeah, what do you recommend? Well, I'd like to start with a great publa bubba. Uh. You know it's got good good good you power um. You know. Not so long lasting though, right, not not too long lasting. It's a good it's a good starter gum. Why don't you Why don't you can take this first spin? There?

Is it true? If you swallow it, you'll be digesting it for seven years? Yeah, that is true. You know, gum safety is important. Be reread the brochure. Um. The back of the pack really kind of explains the safety of it all. Oh, hey, hey, you got a newcomer here, I see. Yeah, that's going on one of the regulars here. You know. Um, I don't wanna. I don't wanna, you know, I should my my own business. But I've been told

you we have a meeting letter on tonight. Maybe you like this gum thing that works out for you can come on buy and hang out with some of the fellows and ladies open all. Yeah, you should come by. This is Rick by the way. Rick is uh, this guy he can do it all. This guy, this guy choose Beamon's. Yeah, I like the old stuff. Yeah. I'm not an owner myself. I rented from the gum range.

But I heard uh that if you go to a gum show you can, uh you know, you you can you know, come back with like two hundred packs, you know. And there's all kinds of loopholes at those gum shows. Okay for just being out. You're not a cop, are you? No? No? Okay, well, actually I wish you'd were, because they got the as gums. But they've got incredible gum. But I can't help. But Sha, I was over listening you guys talking about going to a gum show. Mm hmmm. I went to a gum

show just recently. I got myself a pair of waxed lips that are gump That ain't true, it is true. Look at these waxed lips. Does he's wearing those waxed lips? I could chew him up. It's gump. Wow. I mean, there's one on Saturday, there's a gum and doll show. If you guys want to go to that. It really seems like an irresponsible combo. Hey young man, you're coming out of that gum store, Fred Johnson, I'm with the A d A. Stay away from a kid, all right.

It's not illegal to look. Nothing wrong with looking, all right. Once you put gum in your mouth, it's gonna ruin your teeth. What about all the reading I can get done? I heard a good Joe has comments I get your books. Don't do this, all right? That's what the a d A s trying to prevent all this gum abuse. What does A stand for? American Dental Association. We don't funk around, that's right, all right. Yes, we come out here, we sit outside the gum store and make sure to to

save in US and minds. What am I supposed to do? Come work with us? I don't want to be a well. Look who it is? The American Dental Association, the art rival of me, the Americans with Disabilities Act. What are you doing here? So is this convenient store a d A compliance it is? It's got a ramp. Don't tell him, don't tell him? User? Uh yeah, gum user from way back. It's these guys. Try to Bobby. Look, we are the real A d A. Okay, you don't. You don't approve anything.

We give ratings on everything. We have to have a six six approval before we even approve anything that we like. What do you guys do? Get ramps? Put in and takeing im? Oh? Good night, dad night, little prince. Open this piece of com Wow. Cool. Hey, I've thrown a rocket. Your window open up? Hey? What's Up's up? Hey? Me and the fellows. We're gonna go down to the park. We got some gum. Hey check this out. Okay, I'll meet you down there. I don't have a bike because

I asked my dad. I said, I don't want to for my birthday anymore. So can I ride in your on your hand bar handlebars? Yeah? Totally okay, I'll be right down. Hey fellas, Oh, I guess I'm not that cool yet. You guys like the cool kids. You got to prove yourself first, man, I understand. So we're gonna go to the park, right and like just like hang out. And I was like, if you got to get away from he's gonna give you. He's gonna he's gonna pump you. Just that you got pegs. I thought I can stand

on those back pegs. We're not going to the park. That's just what we told our parents. What do you mean, We're going down to that house at the end of the cult it sect that belongs to Bazooka Joe. No, what leave it. He's old now making prove he's gonna chew gum first, put some gum in your mouth. Also, he's got fifty chances to make us laugh. We give him fifty chances every time, and every time he does

not do it. No, he lives there with his caregiver mort He's got that turtle neck that always covers his mouth. I know all about him. I see those two freaks all the time. All right, fine, I'll prove it to you here. You got one stick no, no, not that sick. This entire six ft of bubble tape. Oh, put it in your mouth. That's easy. You can take six six ft in your mouth. M m hm oh god, guys. So I'm gonna give him my handlet, dude, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that.

Gus don't kill gums, don't kill people. We up. I don't know what he's doing here we go. I don't know. I think it's I think it's charades. What is this? Oh my god, it's in my hair? Oh my god? What is this in my hair? We have to first see Seemed Too is from alchemy v I p. Jeanette Graham, who wrote and my Kids. Elementary school, the fifth graders would go to the bowling alley up the street for

their Christmas party. I always wondered what it would have been like if one of the retired seniors teams challenged them to a game. What do you think? Thanks for staying positive? Size twelves please, size twelve. There you go, Mr Jones, You've been working here a long time. Huh. My parents they made me work when I was a teenager, and I used to hate him for it. But you know what. It's a family business and I ended up

loving it. It's the only place I've ever worked. Do you ever get get get out from behind there and like bowl and stuff? Or do you hate it because you're here all the time? No? I love bowling, but I've got a strict policy and no bowling during the day. I only bowl when everything's closed. I have a bit of a bowling problem, honestly, bowling problem. How do you have a bowling problem? It's so much fun? Like I could bowl? I could you? I could? You know what?

Let me get you an application. You you're at the local life. Where are you? Do you go to school or you out of school? What? I have a hard time judging eight moment in high school right now? I'm a junior. Yeah, that's perfect. Here, here's an application work here. I just it's a good job for somebody who loves bowling. You get free bolling and the shoes are like it turns until everything's closed on a bowl all day. Size four please graders, size four, you go here, you go

give me you still talking to me? I gave you your shoes. Mr Jones. It's a customer, the customer. It's this is a fifth grader to the pain in my existence. They crossed the line. Keep sometime. Can you put the bump us up? Jesus, this is what I don't like doing. I'm doing it. I'm talking to some we can the lights on the music. It's not it's not psychic pool right now, it's it's not cyber bowl. It's not a high schooler. What's the word I'm looking for. You're gonna

get a strike? No no, no, no no, no, no, no, seven tenths. But I'm not paying for this psychic all right. I just want to be clear. I just want to bowl, all right. Look at psychic ball time. If you're on the lanes, you gotta deal with this upset. You're can be really upset about it. By frame three, frame three punches will be thrown. See it. I just see it. It's what I see. All right, don't worry. We have telekinetic bowl. I'm gonna make the strike. Give me what pants?

He's gonna shoot his pants? Do you want to play up? You see it coming? Can't stop it. I gave his bowls a little squeeze with telekinesis. Well, it's good to get some some young energy around this bowling alley. I mean, I feel like that's how they've been doing for years around here. Now they play that Selina Gomez music and we're trying to trade on throwing at where the arrows are. Yeah, but you and I, Hank, we're gonna die out at some point. Do we want our sport to die out too?

That's a good that's a good point, Larry, it's a very good point. The game is bigger. We don't understand what they're listening to. Were the loans they're wearing. We've got to welcome in the this young blood. That's true. Excuse me, guys, I'm sorry, Uh, I think you guys are gonna have to share elane with the fifth graders. They've come in and I don't have anywhere to put him. And honestly, excuse me, they reserved it, sam Um. I was oved it, but my friends left with the high

school kid. No, I'm sorry, you can't play with the high school kids. You've reserved this lane with what we call the old timers group. But oh, I was thinking maybe a competition that would be the kids first as the seniors. But okay, fifth fifth grade, you say, pretty little? How do you that's a rude question. Mm hmm. I'm made six years young young and I made it five years young. Why do you keep saying young? Because we

bowl every day? What if I what if your teamed up with a fifth this, fifth grader, that high schooler versus the two best old timers at the bowling alley now again somewhere now, now, now, it won't be worth doing unless we put stakes on it, some money or something to make it worth our time. Isn't that right? Hey, Larry Well, I suppose I'm just is every lane really full right now? I'm looking at that, I'm seeing a

lot of empty lanes? Yeah, but I'm trying to make sure that we don't use all the lens of lanes if we don't have to. Like, clearly, there's only two of you. The fifth graders aren't going to take that much. I think it's good for the competition, makes sense and makes sense. I guess now is we need to answer is it more compelling to play against the fifth grader or with the fifth grader? But bowling typically you play for yourself unless you're playing on a team. Uh huh.

So you know that I've been working here. I'm picking out loud. I'm not talking down to you. Takes a little while for us to figure things out. You know, we got five years young, and it takes me a bit to process that. Do you still hear a kid? Yeah, young man, I got a call from your principal's office saying you weren't at school today. All right, this is your first year of school. You can't miss days. I

was on a field trip. Where did you go? Pickwick Bowling and boom mink wit a second, that's right next to the punch punch fest. M hmm. Yeah. That wasn't an official school trip, wasn't no, No, I just needed more physical activity. But I met two old men and they taught me a lot. So it's kind of like going to school. Whoa what, don't worry, they're eighty six eighty five years young. Respect of the why do we

say respectively after stuff like that? Well, if you didn't need to, But if you had said their names, then you could have said respectively, and then they would tie into who's eighties six and who's eighty five? But why then it shows it which order of things? Listen, son, the great questions. This is why you should be going to school. And not going to uh the Pickwick Bowling Alley. I'm very concerned. I met a psychic. Psychic. The psychic said, I'm going to grow up to be the greatest bowler

of all time. Smells like ship in here, Jesus, I shoot myself. The psychic knew that, and I went away quiet. But I came back and bowled a hell of a game. Sorry, a heck of a game. Did we come out from behind the bushes? Goodness? Oh? These are my friends? We were hiding respectively. That's Hank, that's Larry, respectively. I got it, So Larry, why don't we say respectively? Well, hey, I think your mother was right about that one. If a corresponds to somebody's name, you know, should I be concerned

that two grown men or are befriending my child. I've I've been in the game of bowling for a long time, and I've never seen talent like there is in your kid, whose name is Julian. Julian. I've never seen talent like Julian's. This is because he's a child who has large hands. He's got abnormally large hands for someone his age. We've seen it all throughout years, but I've never seen a player that young attack the pocket as aggressively as his

ship attacks his underpants. He's relentless trying to get those strikes and those spares, and his first role was perfect, absolutely perfect. He had no open frames. Do you understand what that means? He had no open I don't know bow spare or a strike in every frame. I'm a story short. We'd like him to live with us. Wait, wait, please see, Mom, I went to the bowling and thinking it was gonna be a competition, but instead end up being a real life learning experience. You want to adopt

my son into a world of bowling and heathenism. Well, we'll start with the bowling and we'll see where it goes from there. Mom, Lewy and and Hank only have like two or three years lest on this? What did you call it? God on, God's greener, God's greenness, psychic? Nos. But we won't let him tell us no, no, no, We gotta live it out. So I was thinking, I find this many years old, and then I live with him for this many years, then I would still be a kid and come come home. Some How that logic works.

From here, I'll sign the paperwork, right now I'll write it up. You get Tracy McGowan the third, give my son to Larry and Hank. I believe was it was Glama Tracy McGall in the second. Yeah, and her mom was Tracy mcgawan the first, exactly and respect like wait, Tracy McGowan the first. I used to go with the Tracy McGowan back in high school for a little bit. It couldn't be, couldn't wait she was she never knew her the father of her child. Oh, she never never knew.

I never knew. Go talk to the sidekick. Maybe you go talk to the sidekick. Well, here's the form. I filled it out. I've written it and handwritten. Thank you. He's all yours, just returning back to me when you passed my good luck. Good lucks on LL love you, honey. I'm home. Oh gosh, god, my feet are tired. A little bit of an update for you. Okay, Um, we're out of eggs, so next time tomorrow, come on, you're supposed to be on top of this stuff. I love eggs.

You know what. It is not my job, all right to make sure this well, I didn't eat the last egg. That's not You made it seem like it's I'm a professor of economics at Hartford University. Alright, alright, alright, not a big deal. It is a big deal, all right. I didn't want to get an argument this. I signed over a kid for two some older people for a few years, and I'll get the eggs tomorrow. All right, tomorrow. Wait a second, you signed over our child. He's not

going to get the eggs. I see it. I see it clearly. He's going to go get those eggs tomorrow. What I have to do everything in this household. He's just he's just not that's all you wanted to ask me. Yeah, that's really it. Um. I had a question about my son. But thank you, I like to say a few words. Two years ago and three months too, a little while ago, I moved in with Hank and Larry, and they taught me everything they knew about bowling and what it means

to be a man. When I found them both in the bathtub rounded together, I got scared, But then I knew they were teaching me a lesson. So I continue to live there. I'm look at that speech impediment, that's so loud, and so kid put down the gum put down you're all so woud you even think about that, how your words hurt people, how your actions have consequences. I'm gonna chew this gum right here in front of everybody, just the way Hank and Larry would have liked it.

And I'll tell you another thing. I didn't tell the police this, but I found him both wounded in the bathtub and they were both chewing gum, respectively. And that's our second. C three is from listener Mike Mellow, who wrote, you know how people ask, what's the one album you'd want if you were stranded on a desert island? C suggestion, Stranded on a desert island with nothing but your favorite album? Mike from Toronto, I just I got I found more coconuts.

We're gonna have to eat more coconuts again. Huh yeah, yeah, Okay, here's go going at this one? Is this one tastes tastes different from the last one. I don't know what to tell you. It's gonna keep us alive. Hey, thanks for doing this. I'm still working on the shelter. If Jason would ever get back with some fucking twigs and sticks, I know, and Jason is going He's handling this plane crash in his own way. You know, I'm happy. I'm happy I can help out, and you're doing a great job.

And Jason gets back, you know, maybe he'll bring some good news. Guys, guys, Oh my god, guys. I found something. I found. I found a working hand being phone, working hand cracked vinyl vinyl player, and a copy and a copy of a lot of Sporrissets Jagged a Little Pill on vinyl. What I found a hand cranked a record player and a copy of a lot of Sporrisse's Jagged Little Pill, the greatest album, if not all time on this island? Where where is it? Wait? Wait? What do

you how about? Is you finding food, resources, anybody else alive? Maybe you don't understand. Man, We're on a desert island and my desert island disc is here. Wait wait wait wait, wait a you're telling me one of those hypothetical situations that we've all been through. We say, what this is? This is the this is the album? Yeah for you? Isn't it for you? What would it be for you? I actually can never answer that question. Really here all I really want, yeah, you ought to know ironic, it's

nothing but bangers. That question was never presented to me. Always to me, it was presented book. And that's why I have this, this book Catcher in the rye Es. Wait, hold on, you answer, Catching the ride? And so you travel with that book every time you in cases of plane crash. Yeah, it kind of became a thing for me, and I thought it was Oh my god, Oh were you on the flight? Yeah? I was on the flight. I survived. There's something special about this island, are you okay?

You can just decide the one thing you want the most. You have it. I have as many tater Tots as you could possibly ask. I just found it unlimited supplied tator huh. Okay, great, al alright, alright, let's figure out the laws of here. So you want to tater totes, You got tater tots. You want to unlimited you wait a second, unlimited. God. I tried to go through them, but they just keep popping on. Okay, stop eating him? Yeah? Yeah. And then you wanted the album. You got the album,

but you didn't want the book. You brought the Every time I fly, I bring the book. So you didn't get anything, and I didn't get anything. Oh my god. People are the people. I've been here for thirty seven years. Hit him, hit him? No, no no, no, no, no, hold on, let's remember, okay, okay, be careful. What did you wish for? What did you wish for? Omen I was a kid back then. I really aged aggressively in thirty seven years. Yeah, you look terrible. But all I wanted the sun. It's

all The sun is a Teddy rexpin. And now I have an unlimited supply of Teddy rexpins. Oh God, like he's got an army of Teddy's behind him. Oh ship coming do my bidding? Rex spins sees and take no. I don't think he knows how blanking and they're playing a audio cassette. Okay, okay, okay, okay, that's alright. I don't alright, don't do that right now. Look, look, you and I have our wish left, okay, So let's figure out what would be best for the island and best

for all of us. We have tater Tots. That's got good, little I'm sorry, just to make sure, did you say it out loud? Did you say I'm not gonna say it out left? Because then, yeah, how did you how did you get the tater Tots? Me? I said. When we crashed, I said, oh, ship, I wish I had alimited supply of tater tots so I could survive on this island. And then oh yeah, and you know what, it happened almost instantly. I had to walk around a

little bit later. But it wasn't coincidence, and it wasn't we set you around the island to look for the scavenge. At some point, did you say out loud you wish for Let me try to try to process it. Let me try to remember like happening, Remember like waking up, like I smelled the smell of burning human flesh. I looked over my wife and child were dead next to me. Uh. And then I was like, oh man, we're on a

desert island. And then I was like desert desert island disks, and I'm like it would I gotta go a lot of wait a minute, white album, no alanis And then it appeared, Okay, yeah, you should have wished for something that wasn't a hand crank. That's how it works. That's how it works. When I my ship one time many years ago and I washed ashore, I was able to subsist for a week or two on coconuts and things I found. But I was awfully lonely, and I said aloud, I wish I had a robotic teddy bear to read

me stories and keep me company. And oh no, I should be figured it out. I've already got my wish when I woke, when I came to and Jason's wife's body was scattered all over me, and I pushed his dead child off of me. I remember thinking of myself, I got no one. I wish I had a best friend, and I'm realizing it's one of you. I want to use my best friend. It's probably it's probably you, right, I love I love, I love books much about it. I like a longest Maybe it's maybe I wish maybe

you're my best friend. It's oh maybe I'll who doesn't love to me? Teter Tuck guy. Maybe you and I are best friends. I don't think so. I have a best friend back in the United States. Yeah, and like that's what this the other half of this heart, that's his best friends. Well, it's my best friends because that's is be fry. Yeah, huh, could it be you? It's this creepy guy. Creepy guy, are you my best friend? Could it be me. I don't see how it could

possibly be me. I mean, we have absolutely nothing in common. I mean, I mean, my favorite color is purple, purple, but your shirts both changed to purple. Oh my god? Wait can we get more than one wish? I haven't tried. I don't want to try. Maybe we'll have t don't want to disappear. Maybe this is an addition to the wish. Maybe you could ask for like ketchup or something. You know, Are you asking for ketchup? No, you're asking for ketchup? No, no, no,

I'm saying. If we're best friends and our shirts change, maybe this is it's like a mind melt. Oh, I see what you're saying. If if two of us think of the same thing, it's like we have to be together as a team. Oh makes sense. Mm hmm. But I'm sorry, I'm out, guys. I have a good thing going right now. And do you not want to lose these tater toutes? Well, what if me, my best friend, fucking killed you? Oh, and then we threw more on top of the other bodies over there. I mean, Jason's

child is dead. But I mean that's not gonna happen unless we think about it at the exact same time. That's the only way when possibly which stopped is if we thought about it. Oh my god, I was thinking of choking. Wow, he choked to death on those data tuts. Because you live, you learn, you live if you learn. So the lyric from her songs, Yeah you don't know the one I like. I'm dent, but I'm done on done, done done on hand in my pocket. Yeah that's three.

Let me pull it up right now. You're gonna get tired. It's a hand crank. Wait a second, I know that voice. Kenny Ruxman came with a cassette of supposed in Former Vatuation junk Here or whatever. It is your second album. That's what Ruxman has been playing all these years. What's alone it is more is that second album, supposed Former Infatuation Junkie. It's a terrible title. It's a terrible title. It's smudge from the Raid. So there's a connection there,

there's there's there's more connections. But your or Shurter Burder Burder here maybe or maybe here? Oh right, you ruin the record. You know what's interesting. None of us wish to be back home. None of us wish for that flight to none have crashed. What do I have to go back for any for anyway? That's how I feel. So let's take some time and let's let's wish for something actually, like substantial and meaningful and that would actually improve our lives in our situation. I'm ready if I

go back, I'd like to be more determined. I just wish she had a better second album than supposed former infatuation Junkie to be determined, gather around Broadway stars and Broadway producers. Uh, this script just came across my table. It's called Jagged Little Pill. We don't know how it's happening, but we're now gonna be doing this on Broadway. UM. I will say it's not one of your typical jukebox musicals. Um, the music is going to inspire the story. Again, writer

on own. But if this isn't a wish come true, I don't know what is. The script just appeared out of nowhere, and I Sutton Foster and excited to start at it. Thank you something. We're except we're happy to have you something. We're happy to have you Okay, so we're all just wishing. We're just wishing. Jason, are you done wishing? Jason, it seems like you're done wishing. Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted her to have a better second album. Oh okay, I also wish that everybody on Broadway we're

friends with each other. They all got together in a big room like everyone everyone writers, directors, actors, singers, orchestra. They'd all gather in the they don't like live together at a clubhouse. Whenever they want to get together, they could just say, okay, Broadway people. That makes me wonder. All right, Broadway people, rex in the musical as I be. It's me James Corden, I'd like to be in this one. Uh and if no one has any qualms, I'll produce

it as well. You're in it, James. Well maybe that's our connection Broadway. Maybe our family had to die in this plane crashed speaking about you, Jason. Maybe Tater top guy had to die because maybe he was in a song in dance Man or something. Uh, you with the book. Do you like Broadway too? But I don't have any ideas for it. Okay, Broadway people, traffic the musical has

come across our desk. Now there's no writer. It seems to be anonymous, but we do know the first song goes stopping at a red light, at a red light, stopping at a red Please stop calling these meetings, all right, you call these meetings way too often. Well, we all live together in this big, huge but we're all trying to do some work, Stephen, And I'm sorry, Patty Lapone does not do dishes. That's sorry, Patty, Sorry, Patty. Guys. I wonder if our wishes are having any consequence anywhere else,

or maybe we're just delirious because we're hungry. Let me get use some more coconuts. What do you say, have tater tots? Oh? I don't think they're unlimited anymore. I think once the wisher dies. Although I'm making that up, I don't know. What do I know? There's like there's like eight tater touts in the bowl for the four of us to share, and the tony goes to eight tater tots in the bowl for us all to share. Jason, you've done it. You've done it. Oh my goodness, congratulations,

uh thanks thanks. When I crashed on that desert island with the my uh my wife was pierced through a portion of the wing, I did not imagine that I would meet my best friends. I'm gonna say it now and uh right, an award winning musical and uh and get a Tony and also meet Stephen Sondheim, who we've willed back to life. And that's our show. Everybody. I love the logic. Let's check in with everybody before we had on our Mary Way. It's Chris Alvarado. Yeah, thank

you for having me. I want to a tool. You did mention that while we were recording earlier at some point, yeah, I think so, Yeah, I think okay, because then I started I started getting scared that I'm because that's your idea right here, we're seeing it now recorded a tool. Sing is working on that musical. Everybody's still that. You see what I'm saying here. You're fine with it? Oh you're not worried? Okay, good um. You know you know what else is kind of like a musical is our

our in person alchemy. This lives. I mean, there can be singing. So I want to encourage our listeners to come come check out a show. We're at the Westside Comedy Theater in Santa Monica, first Sunday of the month. James, I think you were saying May Feet is our next show. Yeah, May Feet at eight pm. It's always a blast to see the listeners there, so please join us west Side Common Theater. May First, Nice James Aney, Well, I'm going to double down on that May First. Go ahead check

it out eight pm. Get your tickets now because we want to know that you're gonna be there. Uh, and it's easy for us to plan for you if you get you get your ticket. Nic saying, hey, thanks for having me. It's always so much fun. And uh follow me on Socials and May Feet. I will be uh watching Alchemy this live at the west Side Commedy Theaters. Come out, hang out with us. Greg Getkowski always great to to do a bowling scene. I took bowling as a pe in college and improved my my average by

twenty pins over the course of two months. What is your It is possible. What is your average now? Like if you go out you oh, um, I think if you know, it's been a while. But if I just went out bowling, I'd probably bowled between a one thirty and one forty. What about you call my bowling average, it's about one thirty one. It really is about one thirty one. Forty. Somewhere in there is Chris as much higher than that. I'm pretty sure because he oh no, it's not, it's not. But I do feel an alchemy

this bowling hang coming on, James. You can get titter talks to the bowling only. I'm sure, yeah, I honestly, I usually just sneak him in myself. Of course they're limited for four dollars more. You should do that. I will. I'm at Cold Stratton at Stratton cole On Socials may first come check out Alchemy this live at the Western County Theater. I might be and I might not be. I don't know. I might be there hanging out. Who knows. We don't know who the crew is gonna be yet.

Also check out Pretty Pretty Pony at that same theater. Our show is usually the first Thursday of the month ten in April. It's April fourteen instead because they're shooting something tomorrow, and said, uh so, come check that out with our monologist t v D. He's really great. You've seen him in a lot of things. Might be Win Fetterman. I don't know. That's who's out here right now. We'll see.

Uh so, come check that out. Let's give a big up and applause to our engineer, producer Doug Bame, everybody and the fine folks at I heart media dot com. Please write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy, this email until next time, this too, Before all