Laughter In The Rain

You got fifteen more days to get your shit together. Get the gifts, Hope your trees are up right. You overwhelmed with stuff to do? I get it. We all are. I get it. You know it wasn't overwhelmed last week. Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson, what was it last week? Well, let's say recently, the two of them, who we know starred in the Naked Gun movie, they got together and she said they had an intimate week, and she did

say what they have as a roller coaster romance. Can I tell you right now why it's a roller coaster? Because she doesn't fucking wear makeup every day. Let me back off. It's too early to get too hot. But when I see pictures of her looking like the Swiss miss Girl, the hot chop the girl, it doesn't do me any good. We need to pin up back. You don't have to wear all the crazy eyeshadow and mess gara and fake lashes and yeah, yeah, you could tone it down to be the fifty eight year old woman

you are. It's okay, but you don't have to keep showing us what you look like when you wake up in the morning. Come on, show us what you look like going to bed at night. But she did tell the public, if you must know, Liam and I were romantically involved for a short while, but only after we finished filming. I don't believe that at all. There's no way they waited eight weeks to fuck get out of here. No,

it's a lie. It's a lie. They messed around, but they did have an intimate week together at his upstate New York home. You know, I gotta tell you speaking of homes really quickly. Listen to a podcast today. Neil Brennan, the comedian great. He's a great writer. He wrote The Chappelle Show. Neil Brennan is tremendously funny. And he's got a podcast called Blocked or's it Blocks? I think it's Blocks.

But he had Russell Peters on, the comedian who's of Indian descent, and yeah, I know, Russell Peters has done well for years. I never found him particularly funny whatsoever. I mean, not at all. I'd rather watch Dick Van Dyke or Bob Hope. Russell Peters does nothing for me. But the guy has made a fortune. I mean, you listen to him on this podcast talk about well, you know, I had to sell my eight million dollar house and now it's worth fifteen million. I sold my other three

houses because I was in a hole. My business manager put me in a nine million dollar hole. I saw my convertible rolls, Royce, my Lamborghini, my business. I'm like, what the fuck. I can't tell you one funny joke he ever said. But the guy's that loaded. I don't know what these these comedians in this decade are the luckiest group of people in the world because eighty five

percent of them are absolute average, just average. But it's the day and age of arenas and tours and podcasts and the money they're making and don't get me started on Tim Dillon. I used to enjoy his podcast when Trump was running. He was more or less pro Trump and got involved in the whole thick of it with other comics, other podcasters who were behind Trump, like Rogan and Vaughan and always. Now he's nothing but fat, fucking gay, progressive Long Island liberal and it's disgusting to hear the

way he speaks. I'm done with him. I'm done done with Tim Dillon. Fuck him. Pam says that she and Liam kept things very pcy. She had her own room in his house in upstate New York. There was assistance there, both there since the assistance came. Excuse me, at this point in your lives, can you leave the fucking assistance? Can you just let them stay home? What do you need assistance for you two? You're not even forget grown ups.

You're you're almost well, you're elderly, Pam, you're fifty eight, Liam, god knows, what is he seventy something? Stop with the assistants. Just get along. But Pam said that Liam would introduce her at dinner, as you know, at this little, tiny French restaurant, as the future missus Niesen. She spent time in his garden. She said she tended to a rose

bush which was overgrown with mint a kid. First of all, this couldn't have happened this time of year because mint is not still growing overtaking roast bushes upstate New York in December. So maybe I got my timing loft. But I'm not sure exactly when this happened. But mint is not taken over. I know I've had I grew up with mint in our backyard all the time. My father loved to pick mint and put it in genitonics. We

put mint in our iced tea. We had mint. It grew wild, We threw it everywhere in the yard, front yard, backyard, side yard. But she said that after that week, she called it a lost week. They went their separate ways to work on other films, but they did connect while they were promoting The Naked Gun, and they were having fun, she admits. And she said she was laughing when people thought, oh, it's just a publicity's done the two and she' said no, it was not. This was real. We have real feelings.

But now they say they're better friends. In full honesty, he is such a supporter of this new trajectory in my career and kindly tells me he's very proud of me. I'm sure we will always be in each other's lives. That's great. I can absolutely understand that the family was in my life. I wouldn't want to lose her either, But I can't say it enough. I don't need to see the blank palette that she keeps her face at now. I don't need to see it. It doesn't look good.

And the bangs now, I'm sorry. No. People rooted for them to have more of a relationship, but pam says it just never came to be anything more. I guess she got tired of the heavy on bottle in his pants. As it's been described to me, he does have a special skill set and it begins below his belt. But here's my question, how come Liam Neeson still looks like Liam Neeson but Pamela Anderson looks like I don't know

who she looks like, but not like her. That's what bothers me because I always lament the fact that she's the pin up in my life more than Farah. I mean, Parah was amazing, but you talk about a body and just a woman, you can't stop craving. It ain't Farah, it's Pamela Farah, beautiful wife material. Jacqueline has meant the same thing. Come on, pam Oh my god, she's the fantasy. Doesn't want to be the fantasy anymore anyhow. I hate to turn my horse toward a sad story. But James Vanderbeek,

we all know James Varsity Blues, Dawson Creek. We'd always been sick with colorectal cancer. Apparently he sells a lot of merchandise. Member some months back he seld merchandise, and first cancer battle was merchandise from Dawson's Creek days. He raised forty seven thousand dollars in change, and he teamed up with some company that gave fans a chance to buy his memorabilia from that show. It was a live auction a few days ago. And the payday is going

towards his cancer treatments for stage three colorectal cancer. I don't understand this because I know he was and probably still is wealthy. I know he's got Screen Actors Guild insurance. I don't understand what's going on, why he needs an extra fifty I don't understand it. Yeah, sag after is tremendous insurance. What's going on? If I'm a reporter and I'm writing this story, I have to get to the bottom of that. Do you not have insurance? What's happened

to James Van Derbeek's insurance. No one's asked that question. It dries me crazy. He said, I was healthy, I was doing the cold plunge. I was an amazing cardiovascular shape, and then I had stage street cancer and I had no idea. That's That's the worst I can't even imagine.

these people bought this merchandise to help him. Who the fuck has spent a twenty six thousand on a necklace that James Van Derbeek's character gave Katie Holmes character who has that kind of money to just blow? Do you think it's gonna be worth fifty grand one day, one hundred grand? I don't think so. I don't get it. There was a stuff from his bedroom on Dobson's Creek. An Et action figure went for six grand. A flower

little shirt he wore went for twenty three hundred. Now, look, I don't understand it, and maybe I'll find out soon enough. It's got six kids. This poor bastard has six kids from fourteen to three years old. That breaks my heart. And he said he was storing these treasures for years, waiting for the right time to do something with them. And with all the recent unexpected twists and turns that life has presented, it's clear that the tide is now. It's very sad. I got to get to the bottom

of it. It's so hard to watch him and other people go through this hell. And the other one that kills me is Eric Dane. That you know what, never a big fan of Gray's Anatomy where he played big steamy, you know, but I do like his acting. He's good

on eph you. Now, this poor guy is sitting in a wheelchair with suffering from als only has the use of one arm now, and on top of that, his ex wife Rebecca Gayheart, somehow or another, has landed the billionaire co founder of the hard Rock Cafe, Peter Morton, who's a spry seventy eight years old. I'm just gonna round it off to eighty. I like to round up. He's fucking eighty. She's fifty four, and you know, here's her ex and they're close, they're tight, they got two daughters.

He's locked into a wheelchair using one fucking arm, and she's out there in public making out, making out in Beverly Hills last week with this octogenarian. That's gotta suck. If you're Eric Dane, I know he wants the best for her and the kids, of course, But I'm a man, Okay, I can't fathom losing the life inside me. You lose your looks, your mobility, the fact that you can no longer work, only to see your wife making out with an eighty year old billionaire that has to suck somewhere

deep in a man's heart. I don't care what you tell me. I was a perfectly able bodied man in my late thirties doing mysteries and scandals at the Knickerbocker hotel. We were doing. The show was the death of the model cup of Chin, who I think jumped from a window and landed on one of the awnings of the Knickerbocker and she was there for a day or two before they found her. And I remember, I'm in the law because I was in between shoots, and I just pick up a magazine and I see Kara and Donald

Trump at some fucking Halloween party. He's wearing a flannel shirt, she's wearing a sexy dress, and I just it destroyed me. And here I am very able bodied, plenty of women around me, but it killed me. If you're Eric Dane and you can't move your body, you're one fiftieth of the man who used to be. You don't want to see pictures of your ex wife making out with a fucking billionaire. Come on, Rebecca, don't don't save that for inside the walls of a home. Don't do it in public.

I think it's bullshit. These two had been together for two years, gay Heart and Morton. They went to the Battalian drunk Ebaldi. That's where you go to be seen. I'm sick of people doing shit like this and acting like we didn't know he'd be seen.

gonna raise your daughters. And the other side of the coin is it's probably better my daughters have a man in their lives that have has money for days and days. They don't have to worry about shit, So you know it's better she's not with some crackhead on the corner, but still it hurts. Guy's gotta use a wheelchair just you know, the last role he played with somebody with als. You can't do that two or three times. It's over. It's done, he's done. We're gonna wait for him to

die like Christina Applegate. It's it's it's not good. The only good news about this is that the two of them, I guess they can stay a good graces together, want the best for each other, and that you know that makes sense. Look like last night, had the wife and the kids come over. Well, wife and roxy come by to finish decorating the tree. I threw it up the other day, but you know it needed a woman's touch. You know I love doing the tree, but you know I don't have the same energy I used to as

a kid. It needed more, more stuff, and she came and made it look better. I cooked for everybody, made a bunch of fried chicken, string beans with pistachio nuts, butter, homemade garlic, mashed potatoes, cressingh cressing buns. What do you call those fucking things? You know, you know it was a nice, fun dinner. We all laughed. It was fun,

lots of laughs, reminiscing cracking jokes. I even made a joke that, look, I'm gonna go to Chicago, you know, in a week or so, and maybe it'll be the first Christmas in years that there won't be a huge fight between us, because there's always a huge fight with me and Chris. I think it's because my mom, dad. I just the holiday gets to me. Always drama with me. It's my fault always, you know. Two years ago was

maybe it was three years ago. Yeah, three years ago Jackie dragging my luggage outside of his apartment in the rain, you know, my laptop and there my podcast equipment. He was mad at me. I had to drive to his place to get it and fight with him in the street. Two years ago, outside the fucking motel. My wife came by with roxy and exchanged gifts. I put a little tree up in a motel room, some lights around the room, you know, to the best I could to make it christmasy.

But you know, my anger got the best alcohol field of course, and she bought me a nice pan to cook with. But I was so upset because I wasn't able to cook so I did that. The sight of a pan made me insane, Like why would I need a pan if I live in a fucking motel. It's not her fault. In fact, she's probably thinking, well, you're gonna get out of here soon and cook again. But I just felt like, I don't want to see a fucking pan. Why you can buy me a heavy bag.

I can't do nothing with that either, And I got mad and I threw it and it was a whole fucking thing. But you know, last night we laughed about it. We did. We laughed about things. We laugh about hardships. It's the best way to get over things. That's the way I've always been, you know, the other day we're not there every day. Every day I take rock a home. We get off the highway Metnia Boulevard in the one seventy, and there's always a guy. Could look. You could tell

the guy was a good looking in his day. He's probably maybe seventy. Baby, he's on his ass, he's got a walker, he's homeless. It's just the same. And I've talked to him a few times. I always, you know, have rocco. Hear me talk to these guys. Get this story what happened to you? And I want him to understand how life can just quickly change for some people. This guy's not a drug addict, he's not that kind of person. He just his life went to shit. His

wife died, he lost his business. It's a terrible story. I always give him a buck. And I said to Rocco, you know, it's a hard thing, you know, these people homelessness. You know, some people have springs in their brain that break. Some people go through horrible situations in life, they lose all their money. It just depends. But you know, it's you have to imagine what it's like to be homeless. And it was a beat in the car and Rocco said, well,

we kind of know what that's like. And I was like, yeah, you're right, we do. We've been there. You're right. See we laugh about it. We even laughed about it last night. That's part of our journey. Speaking of Vanderbeek selling off memorabilia, did I tell you this guy? Did I tell you this? A couple of days ago. I'm losing track because I can't follow the Patreon show on the Patreon app, so losing track, but I wanted to mention about memorabilia. Many many years ago, my uncle Sal was a He worked

on the Ann Sullivan Show. He was a cameraman. He was there when the Beatles performed in nineteen sixty four, February ninth, nineteen sixty four. I was not even two years old yet. But there was a shot sheet. In other words, all the people performing on the show that day, what commercials were running. In fact, I do remember telling you this. The point is this Frank Gorshen, there was a comedy duo, all this kind of shit, and my uncle Sal got the four Beatles to sign the back

of that shot He gave it to me. Well, it ended up in my possession. I don't even know he just he gave it to me. Put it in a jewelry box. And many years later, when I was in my twenties, my friend's brother, Ronnie's brother Glenn, was a crackhead, robbed us, burglarized our home, i should say, and emptied that jewelry box into a pillowcase. He didn't know there was a sheet of paper with the four Beetles signature on there on the back of an Ed Sullivan shot sheet.

I looked it up. One of my patrons told me. You're not gonna want to know what that's worth if you still had it. It's between a half a million and a million dollars. Not even forget about when McCartney and Ringo Starr died. God knows what that would have been worth then, But it ended up in the garbage. That's a blown fortune. Oh my god. Why my mother and father didn't say, let's put this in a security box. You can't have this flying around because we didn't understand money.

We just didn't understand the value of things like that. Unbelievable. Yeah, so, you know, I mean the whole memorabilia thing. I don't really understand that. I made jokes about somebody buy the costume for the movie l for three hundred and nineteen thousand the other day. I just don't get what these

people are doing. But you know, God bless them. They think that they there's a big Actually, there was a big wall on the Ed Sullivan Show that some guy and the crew would have all these guests assigned the wall. I used to sign Joan Rivers wall. A lot of TV shows have a wall you sign and it's like four foot by two foot plastic wall. And this guy collected it. He has it. God knows what he paid, but the Beatles are on there. So many names are

on there, that's going to be a fortune anyhow. Earlier today on the Relationships Is Ave Me, Mike and Arena talked about Tallis Swift and Travis Kelsey, the fact that the two of them have never had an argument. He says it over two years since they've been together. And I can believe that because they both had very busy lives. She was on an international tour making a billion dollars, also in the studio putting out another album. He was

winning super Bowls. Not this year, though, because everything I said has come true. I said they'd fall apart. I said, mahomes have turned this shit, and I said Travis Kelsey will never be the man who used to be. And last week, oh my god boy, he bobbled the past. I would have put them in position to win. And by bobbling it, it was intercepted Casey Law. They now have a record of six wins and seven losses and

they're in great peril of making the postseason. But if I'm Travis Kelsey, I'm telling my girlfriend you know, I don't care that Selena Gomez came Selena even though there's a dwarf for the family tree. She can look sexy sometimes. But don't bring Lena Dunham. We don't need Lena Donham in the skybox. No one wants to see her. Why bring Lena Dunham. The point is this, with these two, Travis and Taylor the inside word, there is supposed to be this big wedding in the off season. You've heard

about it. They secured the hole in Rhode Island. They're gonna Taylor's fixing up her backyard to be magnificent, a million bucks worth of landscaping and flowers and it's gonna be crazy. But uh ire, things are a little tough now, which makes sense when you're planning a wedding, especially a wedding with a woman like her. She's got definite opinions. You know, she's been thinking of this wedding since she's five years old. Okay, there's no doubt that she didn't

think of a wedding until she was twenty eighth. No, this is a five year old girl who's now about to have her perfect wedding to her football hero, and things are not well. There's been some problems. There's financial negotiations I've heard behind the scenes that have been pretty cold hearted. The word is that, believe it or not, Travis doesn't want to end his career on this shitty year and may want to play one more year and then get into broadcasting, which is a cushy job like

Tony Romo had, like Tom Brady has. She doesn't want him to do that, any of it. She's against him playing again, and she even against the whole broadcasting thing, which I don't understand. What does she want him to do? Just carry her bags while she tours the world. That doesn't seem pretty, that doesn't seem cool. But here we go, Here we go. There's gonna be some problems before these two well, let's put it this way. My spody sense says there will be issues until their wedding day and

once they're married. I'm not saying they'll break up. This is gonna be a good wedding, a good marriage for a while, but there's gonna be some bullshit leading up to it. And we're gonna have a ringside seat. That's all I'm waiting for. Not that I want it to fail. I don't. I think she's she's absolutely climbed up the charts in my uh, in my opinion about her looks

and her sexuality. She stopped being like a teeny bopper sing and shake it off, and now there's like some depth and I don't I just think she's, if I could be blunt, she's getting laid right and she's become this woman that she wasn't before. So I'm not rooting against them, but I do think there's gonna be some issues, and there are some right now. Speaking of issues, don't don't be surprised if things get really ugly between Ariana Grande and her former ginger head boyfriend Ethan Slater that

he looks like a guard gnome. I mean, well, she's adorable, but we all know that she needs about twenty five pounds on her frame. But otherwise she's adorable. Her voice is amazing, she's comedic. I like her a lot, but not the way she looks now, it's alarming. I think Cynthia Revo, her Wicked co star, has really gotten into her. And I think Cynthia Revo had a lot to do with pushing her toward dumping this ginger boyfriend of hers

and this is a weird. This is tough because this guy, the Ariana Grande, busted up his marriage and now I'm sure his ex wife is laughing about this situation because she's not gonna take him back. And I don't know how many girls are on his ledger who's waiting to be with him. I don't see him being that kind of guy. I think a Revo is so overprotective of Ariana Grande that, at the slightest mention of any kind

of dissension in her relationship with Ethan Slater. I think a Revo in her LGBTQ manner when ape shit and made sure that ended. It's my feeling. It's not based on anything I've read or a fact. It's just my gut and I want to end this show on something I heard that's I was laughing so hard the other

morning when I had no sleep. I listened to the smartlest podcast What's his Name, Dak Shepherd's podcast Armchair Expert, and finally Colin O'Brien needs a Fred and he had Will Arnett on who I Love Will, And that's one of the three hosts of SmartLess. I love that show. I love our net car his sense of humor kills me. And he's on this season. This new movie coming out Cohol is this thing on with Laura Dern that I hear is like really great. He wrote it. It's supposed

to be tremendous. I'm looking forward to seeing that. But I wanted to tell you what. I laughed like hell at and I could not go. I couldn't get any shut out. It was just too funny. A lot of people deal with grief in different ways. A lot of people, including myself and buddies of mine, we have dealt with the grief we felt that our parents have died or people close to us with making each other laugh and

saying very inappropriate things that the funerals we attended. I told you what my buddy Mike Gallagher Godzilla had said when my father was dead and my cousin Raymond came, who was like an old hippie from Vietnam with a long beard, long hit like Duck Dynasty and you know, and Godzilla was like, we were very very sad, desponded. My father's there in the casket, and Mike came over to me and said, it's good to see the grateful dead. Came to see your dad's a funeral, you're just shit

like that, Well, you can't help it. Laugh. My brother in law, Jack got the giggles at my mother's funeral because the person talking, the pastor priest whatever, had like a list and he kept calling a Willian instead of Lillian Willian and Jack couldn't handle it, so he left the church laughing. But people thought he was hysterical crying. He wasn't We all handle grief differently. So Colin O'Brien lost two parents of the span of two or three

days last year, horrible. There's always been a thing between Colin O'Brien and the other host of Smartness who love his acting, Jason Bateman. Those two have a thing. It's a made up thing that they don't like each other. It's a thing they've concocted that It's been very funny. It all happened because of Look, there's two big Christmas

parties in Hollywood, Aniston Jennifer Aniston's and Colin O'Brien's. They're very well attended affairs, and Bateman is best friends with Aniston, so he typically goes there and doesn't go to O'Brien's. But guys like well, Onnette, we'll go to both houses. Bateman for two years didn't do it, even though Colin invited him, and the third and fourth year Coen stopped inviting them. And that's where the rift is. It's friendly,

but it's funny. So this is how brilliant it is to be to just have a handful of guys you could just be fucking great friends with and nothing gets in the way of a laugh because you'll love each other that much. This reminds you of things that we did. You know, my buddy Gate Kevin would call me and all seriousness, go, how do you get a five year old's handprints off your bed sheets? I had so much peanut butter and jelly on my pillowcases. This kid won't leave.

Just pedophile jokes, stupid shit that if anybody heard it, and I have friends who've heard it and go, you guys are sick. I'm like, that's what we do. We just we say the worst things to each other. Anyhow, his father dies first, Conan is up in Boston. Will on that text them a day or two later and says, sorry about your dad, sending you love from my family to yours. Conan texts back thank you. Will to be honest, I blame Bateman and will on That writes back, it's

not a terrible theory. Conan writes back, he killed my dad. This is a day after his father's death, and an old fantas Colin O'Brien said, my mother and father would have loved this kind of shit, and I understand it. I'm from those people. The next day, Jason Bateman since Colin O'Brien a text and says, our Nette tells me you're on to me and Coenan says, Bateman, do yourself a favor and turn yourself in. Two days after that, Conan's mother dies very unexpectedly. No one knew what was

gonna happen. Will or Not sends him another text and says in a text, Bateman is asking for your sister's street address. Is it okay to give it? Come on? Conan writes back, oh, just seeing this now, six twenty five Boston Tree Department twelve, and tell Bateman to make it look like a robbery. I can't see. To me, that is such huge love between friends, because a big driving force in Colin O'Brien's life was making his parents laugh.

A big force in my life was the fact that my mother and father told me you could do anything you want, and I set out to do just that. And that's why Conan got into comedy. That's why I got into what I got into, you know. And it got to a point where when his parents died, he thought, am I gonna still want to do comedy after my parents are gone? But of course he does. It just takes a different shape. I mean, look, it's just the way people handle things, like I gotta be honest with you.

To this day, Jack, who we all love, my brother in law, we all love him. The guy's pretty much better, and he'll come downstairs maybe once a day, but he spends his day and night in bed. And sometimes they'll say shit to Roselie and it's aggravating because he can't do anything. He's in bed. It's been a couple of years now, and you know, it's just Roselee is a dynamo. She's working, she's doing, she's cleaning, she's cooking, and he'll

say things that just hiss her off. And she'll come down the stairs and look at me with this anger and her face and say, he's fucking driving me fucking crazy, and I would say sometimes, you know what, a little olive oil on the top step at night the troubles are over, think about it. I'm downstairs. Let me know if you're gonna handle it. Will we ever do it? No? But we laugh. That's how we cope. When you laugh amid heavy sorrow, it's not only normal, it's I think

it's very powerful. I think it's a powerful way to heal because grief, those of us who have felt it, and I'm sure all of us have, it's very complex. Grief is a grief comes at you at all angles. It's it's multifaceted bullshit, it really is. It's not just being sad. It's a rollercoaster of feelings that you get angry, you feel guilty, you feel regret, sometimes you feel relief, sometimes you feel joy and laugh there just because you're laughing.

It doesn't administer the fact that you love the person you lost. It's just the way it is. It's they're a testament to the way those people around them can still live and be resilient even though they're gone. It's what we need to do to stay strong. So you know, heavy time of year, you know we've all gone through loss, you know mine, I know some of yours, especially this time of year, Allow yourself to laugh without feeling guilty. You have to do that. It doesn't mean you're over it.

It doesn't mean you don't care. It means you're trying to take care of yourself while you deal with this nonsense. There's an old Indian proverb that goes, I saw grief drinking a cup of sorrow and cold out. It tastes sweet, doesn't it? And grief answered, you caught me, and now you've ruined my business. How can I sell sorrow when you know it's sometimes a blessing? It certainly can be,

even though it's impossible to imagine it. But when you're there, when you're going through it, you know what I mean. And I guess that's what I want to impart on you folks before I split for the night and regroup and talk to you guys tomorrow. But hopefully you're out there doing your shopping, getting shit done and keeping your chin up. It's a rough time a year. It's a happy time a year, but a rough time of year. So my heart's with all you guys. I know yours

is with mine as well, So that's it. That's your show. Don't forget. By the way, there's still time to get an Eric Javits hat. I just did that. I just went from grief and sorrow to Eric Javit. Why not? Why not? You guys have broken records with buying these hats. Eric Chavitz dot com, E R I C. Jav I t S dot com. The hats are gorgeous. They're usually twenty percent off to forty percent off, plus you get another twenty percent off with my promo code fame. You

got two weeks left. What are we talking about? Yeah, get some fucking hats. They're gorgeous. Erik Chavitz dot com. That's it, Gaang, I'm aj Benson. That was your daily on The Filtered Podcast for December tenth, twenty twenty five. Talk to us tomorrow.