Everything Is A Bitch Episode Fifty Four: Chimp Wars

Years ago. They always fuck up low profiles.

Are Okay, we're coming in mid conversation, folks. Wow, it's Mike. I am here with AJ. This is everything is a bitch. I think this is episode fifty four. We are without our campadre, the third Amigo Kenny, unless he somehow rips himself off of a convention floor, trade show floor, whatever. He's down in Miami at a trade show for his business. So AJ, Yeah, I have my life flash in front

That's funny. Oh man, listen, I see the low profile tires. I had them on my bends years ago. I never liked them. I love that they look, but they always seem to they're very They're very picky, you know, just a little less if GoF have been the rim is bent a little bit or a slight indent in the rim.

You're gonna lose air. But I don't know what you hit. You got something, I don't know what.

And if you look, you can see how much tread is left on that tire. There's a lot of tread. The tire is fine going, you know, it just nailed something that just sliced the living crap at it. Wow, it instantly went. When when I got to the ditch, the the like warning station in the car said, uh, tire malfunction. And the PSI was already at zero. You know, it's like thirty eight PSI, and so I was like, oh man, I'm so lucky to freaking be alive right now.

We have to make contingency plans now that we're getting older. If you go before me, who the fuck do I send the podcast to. We have to have a contingency plan so I could continue to work if something happened to you.

AJ's major problems. I will leave complete instructions for you. Okay, great, on what to do in the case.

I'm sure there'll be no hip cups on my end.

I'm that I don't want a display.

Of I don't want that to be the case.

But you just look, we're getting older, and god knows. I was going to Vegas once with my buddy. We were my first trip to Vegas in eighty six, and we're on the Grand Central Parkway going to the airport, and the car in front of us kind a tire situation like you when we're watching this in real time, and then it goes off the road and it hits one of those guardrails that starts from the grass up.

So it went and it turned over on its head. A truck. We would like the second.

Car the woods driving that truck.

It was just like that, and we looking at there's luggage as they were clearly going to the airport, and there's a baby in the baby seat.

Upside down but not hurt, just kind.

Of look looking around and were a couple of guys on us. We got the baby out and the mother was so happy because she kept saying she had her daughter, and she kept saying, my baby. I'm going she's right here.

No, my baby.

And we went back in there and saw this little baby in his seat. Yeah, I listen, the older I get. I don't like driving that fast because my reflexes just aren't the same, you know, they're just.

Not But you know you have one of those. I had one of those. Do you remember that really banged up pickup truck that head Knocker had in high school?

Yeah?

I forgot about a head knocker. Yeah, of course. We took it to the city one time.

The kid's name was Eddie Bennett, and we called him head knocker. It's such a horribly cruel nickname. But he had a very large head, and we already had a guy with a large head that we called head so we so we we couldn't call him.

Who was head again, whose head was a copski No.

No, God, see him, I see him right now, I know, I know that's what we need Kenny for. Kenny would but we uh so we couldn't call Eddie Bennett head, so we we called him head Knocker. So and head Knocker had this blue easily twenty five year old, right pickup trust this is like nineteen seventy nine, nineteen eighty. This pickup truck had to be somewhere in the late fifties.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the late trill.

And somehow we decide we're taking that. And my parents just completely didn't give a fuck because how could they have approved of me. So it was a group of us going. I know Mona was there, I know Galader was there. Head Knocker I.

Don't remember Paul. I was just eleven eleven when he pulled up.

And I, for some reason, I had a I didn't want to go. I didn't go with you guys that one night.

You guys took the call the truck to the city.

No, no, no, no, no, we took it. I even remember the town head Knocker's family had, like an old house in Sharon, Connecticut, wherever the freaking hell that is I guess way up by north of Danbury, way up there, and it was like on a like a Christmas tree farm or some shit. And so so we are taking this twenty five year old pickup truck with ball tires yeah. Uh, and it was it was winter, yeah, and we're taking it up to Connecticut. And that's not the worst of it.

I don't and uh, we we do a full oh god, spinner roo, we do a full three sixty and then another when we do a five forty in the middle of a freeway and somehow.

We don't anything. Nobody hits us. Wow, It's like all good, no foul. I mean I felt okay, just been on the tea cup ride, you know, me and you spinner around and then it was all right, no, hey, we're good, let's go wow Connecticut.

That's why it scared me. I didn't want to go. I remember that well, one of the Knights. I remember everybody met at seven to eleven and I looked at him, I'm not gonna sit in the back of that fucking thing. I was petrified. I didn't go. But that's probably the night. But I remember we had well. I mean, I would tell people stories that I'm getting to call it. Bren Zigler, who was a year older than us, the great, best fucking athlete, best football player, graduated with us.

Though.

He would get in his car we drive to go to Harry's Deli or something, you know, to get some cold cut, some beer, and he would close his eyes and see how long he can keep them shut and.

Not crack some good skills challenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean we wonder why he lost his thumb.

The only other car story I remember well, there's a bunch.

I'm Chico racked up his father's car a few times, just stupid stuff. He went to We're after a football game against Satrum. He's sticking his hat the car, screaming that we beat Satrum, and then his baseball cap flies off while he's driving.

She goes, wright he back up. It's on him. Why he backs up? Chico opens the door and hits a fire hydrant.

And the door, the door gets all twisted and pointing forward.

You can't pull it.

Shall We get back to the house and she goes follows like, what the hell happened? He goes, I was on the way to get you your favorite ice cream. You know, it's always a fucking plan with Chico, And uh, this car comes out of nowhere. We'll color car. I was blue, she is all yellow here. Tim, no dad, He just tried to bullshit his father.

And he was getting ice cream. I know, I know, I know, I.

Just I just thought.

I talk at Chico's brother at the other day, I know. And one of the worst things with the car that we ever did. I don't know if you were there that night, but Tommy Cogan, who's screwed up.

The hole, let's see Scott Mary's. Yeah.

And I know one night after that, we were so pissed to them that we went to Harry's Deli, which Mark Fangle's brother.

There was an outfit for a drug operation. We didn't know that then, but we bought.

The craft singles cheese and crazy glue, and we crazy glued about twenty slices of cheese to Tommy Cogan's father's gold catalog on the on the passenger side, so Tommy didn't see it, and.

Then we all left it and went home. And the next day in school he was fucking in tears. What assholes we were.

His actions that night deserved. I mean they had to come with with repercussions, but no saying that. And I thought you were going to go into the story about the you know, Gary Swanson, oh boy, Patrick, Scott Hall, I don't.

Know, Bobby Stevens, Bobby Stevens, Steven Scott Hall, Bobby Stevens, John Billy Fitzpatrick, Uh, Scott Hall, Bobby Stevens, Gary and Gary Swawtson.

Yeah. Gary, the only kid that didn't get high and get fucked up was leaving a party. The other great kid, great guy, great kids.

He needs to write home and the other guys are driving fast and they did whippets nitrous oxide and they Yeah.

So this kid in our high school class dies in this car accident and he was in our a j and I was marine biology class, right and for like, we're just such idiots after you know, after like five days of grieving and everything, every single agent and I would just turned that class into a kind of show, every ridiculous every day. But we'd have all these projects to do, and you know, we would re enact the car accident with our you know, with like matchbox cars,

Mean, you have to understand. He was also the most beautiful girl in the school.

Soon he knows uncle, so he and he had a big tough son who could kill us in a minute. And we went out to his uh field trips to the beach, and we were really into He loved going out in the boat to the beach and looking up fauna and flora and all this kind of ship and me and you were taking temperature of the water by the berm.

You know, what's the temperature that we're just making it up.

Seventy two seventy two that's a little on seasonal, Yeah, a little little warm, just making And then he wore these big waiters, the big rubber waiters up to his waist and we were taking bait fish and putting.

Killer got home.

He took his boots off and his old fish coming out was so.

Stupid, you know, that was that was a great, great, great class class.

Yeah.

I was just thinking about something with.

Not the fish tank master, the fish tech massacre. No, I remember fish That's that's that's really that's that was not something.

We reenacted Jaws. Yeah, yeah, that was we put We used the tic tac box, the tick tag box was the shark cage. That was the shark pief cage. We loaded it into the fucking tank. And then he came by and he's like, wait, you two idiots do we're reenacting the scene from Jaws?

Mister?

You know, didn't car I wasn't didn't Carbury put from aaldehyde in the tank and all the fish died one day. Somebody put from aaldehyde in the tank.

I don't Yeah, somebody did that. What we didn't do it?

I thought of that kid in fifty years, Carberry.

What was his first Robert Robert? Carbert Robert? I think so non Carbery.

I don't know, maybe John, maybe John that that's yeah, that class was.

That was fantastic.

Okay, So I got some topics here I didn't share them with you. Yeah, I'm to do some. So did you see that that Stern's ex employee is suing him and his wife. I guess that was their personal assistant, Leslie Kune.

Yeah, she's the house manager of the Southampton House. To mention, I don't really think what she's I don't think what she's saying is what she would.

I don't think what Stern and Beth did is wrong.

I think if you're a famous couple that the whole world knows, and you shouldn't want people to know where your vacation, where you shop, what you're eating.

That's nobody's business.

I don't I don't think it's unreasonable what Howard wanted her to do.

Tell me I'm wrong.

I mean, would you want that your house manager and all your ship, what you're doing when you're eating, when.

You not not not necessarily, but to me, the biggest thing about I was looking at the story in the post was the pictures, because I hadn't looked at a picture of Stern in a while. I hadn't looked at a picture of Beth in a while. Yeah, and he's seventy now, I didn't. Yeah, I knew he was older than us. I didn't think he was basically ten years Yeah, I mean he's an old man.

He's an old man. He's an little man. I don't And you know what amazing full head of hair. How many Jews have a full head of hair at seventy two. I mean it's such a wig.

But you know whatever, a guy wearing a wig on a radio show, you have to think about the narcissism involved in that. Like, he's not on air, he's just in a radio booth. You don't need to I don't know. I mean, at this point, he's not going to take it off and show people how bald he is.

But of course he is. We're all He's like.

The greatest example of all time. What a stylist can do to Oh yeah, because because let's face it, that guy is not an attractive human being. He's he shaped like a stork. And you know, they styled him up enough. Plus he's the biggest nerd on the planet. They styled him up enough to kind of look cool. And the forties and fifties he was able to pull it off in a big way. Yeah, but at seventy two, it just it just looks ridiculous.

He looks ridiculous. And you know, he's also a guy that's never been in the gym. So when you if you have the unfortunate time to see him with his shirt off at the beach, you can't believe.

But I mean, he is seventy two.

I think he's never been in the gym. I think I just think I don't think there's a gym that can help him.

Well, what I mean is like when we were younger, Like I got really into lyfting when I was nineteen twenty twenty. You know, it was how much are you gonna bench me? Ronnie and Freddie rolling to that crap. I'm talking about guys who want to lift and get strong. He never cared. And I look at Jason Bateman. I don't know if you've been watching DTF Saint Louis.

I tried to. I watched one episode.

It was just so brilla.

Yeah, it's so fucking again the way men are portrayed versus every woman is a smart brainiac. Every man's a lose her asshole creep. But you know, Jason baby took his shirt off. He has to never do that again in a movie or TV. He has to never do it again. It was more alarming than seeing a girl take her top off that you didn't expect to see.

Is he so skinny?

Oh my god, I mean his you know, his friends on the podcast make fun of it, are Nett and Hayes. Because he doesn't eat, he watches everything. He won't have anything that's salty, doesn't want.

To get bloated.

But his skin, his arms and chest and stomach and back, he looks like he's I hate to be I'm not trying to be funny, but almost Holocaust level of skinniness.

He wasn't and he wasn't always that way.

I mean no, no, he wasn't. He was an athlete, he could play ball, but I mean he's not. He's probably seven years behind us six years behind us.

I don't know. I don't know.

I never had the skinny jeans. So when I was a kid, I did, but now it looks really weird. When you're old and thin, you need a little weight.

When you get older, they'll.

Still never never outdo Dodgeball. Okay, So I this this story was was for Kenny. So I was doing this in Kenny's honor, because because Kenny would have would have figured out how this and why this was happening. But you and I will have to just drudge through. So and I don't know if you would have seen this. So scientists say that two hundred wild chimpanzees in Uganda have been locked in a violent civil war. There's a civil war between two hundred chimpanzees going on in Uganda.

This is a.

Legitimate research autum. You have seen this.

I did scan it. I scared.

I love monkey stories, but well they're still scary chees.

So researchers have documented the first clearly observed permanent split in a wild chimp panze community, and that has been followed by violence between former companions. So these are chimps that got along for years together and then all of a sudden, there was just a split inside of you know, this happened this community, and it says the findings show that close social bonds can break hard enough to produce deadly group violence, even without the cultural markers often used

Of course they know how to do that shit. They're very I mean animals, especially chimps and gorillas. They're so bright. Yeah, they know how to do that shit. Something happened. It's they're very you know, monkeys are, chimps are very coordinated animals. They're you know, if you look at the animals in Africa, I can sound like Trump.

If you look at it.

If you look at no, but African the jungle animals are just very very smart. It's always coordinated efforts when they rescue one another or fight another team of animals.

Scary.

Well, let me let me edumacate everybody a little bit on this, okay. So, for for twenty years, the Nagogo chimps moved through one shared territory as the largest known wild community ever recorded. And apparently chimpanzees normally live in what's called a fission fusion pattern. It's a pattern of splitting apart and rejoining rather than standing together all day. So they'd spend parts of the day together and then

Wow.

And and so I guess in history this has been noticed before, like five hundred years ago, but nobody documented it and captured this whole thing. And so they've captured this. But they can't really explain the you know, why it why it happens, But it's just.

I remember when I scanned it.

I remember reading and I got a little creeped out that one faction of monkeys would go in like in single file, like to to to go to the enemy's territory, like very human like behavior.

It's scary.

Yeah. Organized raids, they call them organized raids. Yeah. Yeah. And then beginning they began in fantasize. They go in and they kill the baby chimps from the other side of the tribe.

Yeah.

Crazy.

Yeah, I think it's all don't you think it maybe began because of another chimp killed another chimp's baby. I feel like it's all over kids or kids, whatever you want to call them. I feel like it's over their their newborns or something. I mean, why would you get this crazy against each other unless you kill their kid.

I don't know this. This article says that size may have primed the break because nearly two hundred chimps and more than thirty adult males strained relationship and ship maintenance. I guess there were too many mans and competition over food and mating then rose as the two clusters stopped sharing space and reproductive patterns, and so before the rupture, several well connected adults died. Leadership changed, and a respiratory

They could they could be mafia chimp mafia monkeys too. You got the connected, they got, they got people.

Shimp aggression usually falls on outsiders, but in this case it shows how chimpanzee violence can emerge even among former companions. Here, former companions became targets once membership changed, a point echoed in a related perspective on a hostile split among wild chimpanzees is a reminder of the danger that group divisions can present to human societies. Oh so this guy's uh,

Listen, already, stupid Trump has already stopped eight wars and saved millions of lives.

Happin to the chimps.

Yeah, he'll do it. I made a deal with the chimps. They're getting free bananas.

You know, he'll know that that is a seriously fucked up idea. But it's a great idea because it's the kind of thing that Trump would actually do. Somebody would some uh you know, chimp gravitas, would you know, get to them to say, hey, this is this is what's going on is resulting in the death of a bunch of chimps and fantasize everything else. You know, you're the only person on earth that could settle this, mister President. You've got to You've got to help.

I don't want to kill chimps, but you look at chimps. They're they're they're very creepy. If I have to kill them or kill them, but you know this, would you rather be would you rather be dropped inside Ukraine? As a war correspondent during the war, or have a pitbull loose in your home that's not your dog, or be.

In a room with one chimpanzee. I'd rather go to war.

I take the Ukraine. Yeah, I take Ukraine. Unless it was the chimp that was on Friends.

Who was his name? That was yeah, myrcel.

But you know, I saw a great video of an old gorilla, which I'm getting more fascinated by gorillas.

That gorilla Coco. Robin Williams sat down and he took really sweet.

But this one gorilla who's dying, I forget his name, like sixty years old, and it's telling the person who sign language next to him that humans are ruining the earth. And he's signing this to gorilla like you're not understanding how wonderful we have it, You're ruining the earth, and.

The gorilla starts to cry. It was like that commercial with the Indian.

When we were kids on the side of the road and they throw litter at his feet, you know, and the Indians got one tear come.

Out of the obviously left wing in doctrination of that gorilla. He probably he probably you know, flew with AOC and John Kerry, one of those fucking confabs and got converted.

Yeah, it happens.

You know what I mean, folks, He's a freaking gorilla, the gorilla. How smart could he be?

But yeah, but you know the gorillas have well, hey to open up this can of worms. But gorillas have an IQ they say of eighty five, which I think it's higher.

Here comes to Somali comparison.

Oh yeah, they said Somos are seventy five. So like they're not even hiding this.

It's not it's not something that only one way to settle it. This would be a great pay per view event. Gorilla against Somali chess. I'm nothing great would that be? Oh?

God?

You know you find you know, smart gorilla who likes board games. Yeah, and you know plays a little bit of chess, and you know you go grab il han Omar and sit them down and and let him have at it on the chess board. How fucking great would it be if the gorilla beat her in chess?

Of course it definitely could happen. Definitely can happen.

I wonder where the money would be on that, like where the poly market would be on the gorilla versus ill haan Omar in a game of chess.

I'll say pollmarket.

I didn't bet the UFC, not UFC the Tyson Fury fight the other night on Netflix, but I looked and I said, ah, the guy's sixteen months out of the ring. I would go with the underdog guys getting plus six hundred. I thought the odds were crazy. And then Fury comes out and I don't know if you saw it, but just played with the guy. It was a shitty match.

But they know something.

I'm always fascinated about what these odds makers know. They're all, especially when it comes down to a half a point in football, basketball game. It's just how do they fucking know it? It boggles my mind. But anyhoy, that was off the point. The gorillas, yeah, I'm very I'm very frightened of them, but I'm fascinated by them.

But you know, they have the strength of five men. They say, you look at their muscles and their arms. God crazy, But look.

I think you know, good things come out of the show. I think there are two great ideas there. One have Trump stop his ninth war and get him involved in the chimpanzee thing. I think that's that's a no brainer. Get to figure out how to get to them and two as a pay per view event. It would kill Oh my god. And she's probably gonna have to give back a bunch of the millions that she scanned, so she's gonna need some money. So, you know, the gorilla

Yeah, of course it would. I would love that.

And the gorilla should be allowed to like take a couple of shots at her during the like you give him like two swats. Yeah, you had two backhand swats during.

The I would watch that. I would watch that.

You know, about twenty some years ago, I was pitching a show to a different number of producers and they didn't see it, but I thought it was a good idea. You got Jeopardy, like a Jeopardy type game. I called it pros versus college. You got professionals, whether you're a banker or Silicon Valley whatever, your professional guy where a white collar shirt to work Versus convicts X cons of convicts.

Who are in jail.

Because my uncle who was in jail told me, we can't do anything bad anymore. While we're in here, but we can't do anything good anymore. And it got me thinking, if you put a convict against a professional and have the categories scattered, so some are criminals, some are regular stuff, I bet people would vote for the convict.

Especially the way the world and the country is now.

We'd rather the convict beat the guy in jeopardy than the professional guy beat him. And then the convict gives the money to the charity of his choice and he's doing something good. So you got categories like, you know, espionage or you know guns, what, all different categories that they'll both understand, I bet.

But that's it. That gives advantage to the convict though, because well the convict, the convict lived as a free person for a period of time, so he was never good though, he was never good, but he should be aware of what's going on in the world. Plus he he knows what happens inside the gates of a prison and and all that. So advantage convict, I think, And well.

Yeah, I guess so, but I don't.

You can't have to do jeopard You gotta have to do family feud.

If you have.

If you have it as family feud, that's the ultimate centralizer because it's just the stupidest ship.

Yeah, two mob families, that'd be that'd be instead of a mob war, you go mob family feud and.

Yeah, we could do that became that the studio. I think that, like, because those celebrity family feuds kill, you could do other theme family feuds and they would be great doing mob family against mob that that that would work nice and losing team the winning team gets to pick one guy from the losing team, yeah to uh you know, could yeah, could you yeah you take him out?

Could you imagine the host?

You know?

Uh uh We we talked to one hundred people. The top ten answers are you know, what's the best way to get rid of a gun?

You know?

And then thinking thing, you know, taking apart, throwing the river. Okay, that's thing. That's the second best answer. Okay, play, I mean, it could be so much fun.

One hundred people are as answers the top six answers on the board to this question, what's the first thing you say when they throw you in a trunk?

Exactly?

You know, number one answer on the board. Okay, right, we have to talk about this swallow well.

Shit, oh yeah, I mean crazy, no crazy.

This is just the most despicable setup in fucking history. None of you cared, None of you cared. Nobody gave a ship. Everybody turned their fucking head. He was your favorite hit man. He was involved in in, you know, everything from Brett Kavanaugh to all the anti Trump stuff. I mean, this guy was Nancy Pelosi's boy, doing all of her fucking dirty work forever. And it came time they needed ahead because this got stupid. The California gubernatorial rules are are you know, it's kind of like the

Yeah?

And I know, and you know, I've always they've always got the goods on somebody. I mean, they've always got what they need to take somebody out in a moment's notice.

And they because they know, they know all the skeletons. And look, I heard the girls on the View apparently were saying, well, look, you know swall Well, this whole thing. There's always been an open secret about Eric Swalwell. I wish they could you that that even minded when they talk about Trump or any Republican. But they say it's always been an open secret. We heard these stories before, so came and not investigate these stories. The guy, I don't know what it is about me. I can read

I mean it's the Mount Rushmore sleeve.

Yeah, and people vote, and you vote for these people.

And you know, first they said, oh it's Ai, the video of him on the bed, but pulling that sex work, whoever she is. I wanted, I'm desperate to know who's filming it and who the other guy is on the bed, And it's not Ai, because.

If you live in the mirror, you can see their bodies laying down. So AI didn't do that. It's true. And the guys who creep and a fuck. So it's just the beginning.

There's gonna be more girls coming out soon on top of these four.

Then the wife will leave him.

No, you know what, you know what they they had to do something to get him to not only uh WAHUEI from the governor's race, but to resign. And so he's been promised, Yes, he's been promised. He's been promised some kind of cushy gig somewhat out of the out of the limelight. But you know, he's lobbying, he's doing something for big money. Mama Pelosi went to him and they did the code read and said, you know, here's

You think about all these fucking people in Hollywood who listen. If this guy was the major candidate in California, you know how many celebrities back this guy, gave money to this guy's campaign. And you're telling me it was an open secret that people knew about his past and the way he acted around women. That not let's not even bring up Fang Fang, the Chinese boy he was banging. It's just a very it's a very creepy thing that

Look, they they long ago went to the ends justify the means. As you know, their m O I mean they they operate without any sort of moral code at all.

Oh yeah, and you know this guy was their.

Boy until it became expedient to get rid of them. And then you know they were able to decapitate him in forty eight hours. Amazing how fast it all moved, and how quickly everyone got on board and the media got the messaging and and everything got done. And and they're going to This guy is not going to get I know that. Uh Cash Bettel's talking big shit. They're not gonna fucking touch him. He's gonna get gonna end up just fine. He's gonna end up in a cushy gig.

And I think she will.

But how do you fucking if that's not one woman and one weekend at the fucking Mariotte in Maryland versus like a lot of women coming forward.

Well, but you don't know. I mean a lot of it could be bullshit. I mean a lot of it could be.

But why do I believe them instantly with this guy?

I just believe that because you just look at him, and you can just watch the sleeves dripping off of him. I mean, you know, the guy's a slimeball. But uh, but you know, in a case like this, it's it's shock and awe, so they they need to keep digging up victims and and look it's like everything else. I mean, you know, uh, it's it's the freaking casting couch all over again. However many they need to throw at him, they would have kept throwing at him until he resigned.

And you think about how many things they dumped on those girls from high school. He did this to me.

That to me, I kept robbing the house, you know. And this guy was one of the main guys behind that ship too. And I heard and you know, I thought, like, uh, Kamala Harris would get a gig too, like take a big law firm gig.

Now she's saying she's thinking and running again, so she's not gonna work. She's gonna pray. I know what a dunt she runs.

No, it's it's great. But she's also taught so amazingly the leading candidate right now, I mean, I know we're way out. Look, there's a certain portion of the population that will vote for her, regardless of how big a moron she is, regardless of Trump. How some people from somebody puts that that what's her name, uh from Hawaii back in Congress every.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, are you kidding me?

Let her play the girl, Let her play the gorilla in chest. I mean, there's there are some unbelievably dumb people that uh that advanced politically.

It's just look, we we we we make fun, we make fun, we get angry. No kings, no kings.

Meanwhile, how long was Pelosi in office and Schumer's in office.

And Maxine w all them over forty forty five years?

How do you not see that this? Aren't they kings themselves for over four years in power? No, that's ridiculous.

Don't don't take a shot at my girl, Maxine. I mean, come on, Maxine is the coolest. Maxine is represents the ghetto and lives in the West Side.

She doesn't know there's a road, Rodeo Street or Pico Olympic. Sure's no clue those streets down there, nothing, no idea.

It's so funny, bullshow funny. Well, goodbye, goodbye. All right.

So every time I read Swallow's name, I think of Swallow. I can't help it. We don't have to get into it, but I think I think we can't. We can't know.

Okay, so the betting markets are active on this one too. Where will uh the Kelsey Swift wedding take place? On?

Where?

Where is it? It?

Isn't it set? Isn't it set?

I mean it set that they're getting married, But there's no there's no venue, there's no location. Yet.

I think I thought they were gonna do some big thing in her on her property, on the on the ocean, uh, and make it crazy, bring in like billions of dollars worth of.

You know, you mean the Newport, Rhode Island, Rhode Island. Yeah, that's the second. That's The odds are like New York has the number one the odds of New York. The odds, the odds are the highest that they're going to do it in New York.

I don't know why really, I don't know. I don't know.

The second was Rhode Island. The third is Pennsylvania where she's from. Okay, uh, and I think fourth was Ohio where he's from.

Yeah, they're gonna the top four.

Then she's not gonna get married in fucking Ohio.

Well no, no, it's bed or not. They're gonna buy a house in Ohio. I mean, they have houses everywhere.

But and uh, she might have been born in Pennsylvania. She's didn't give a shit about She doesn't eerie. That's like that's a there's Pennsylvania, and then there's like, oh it's a wedding, not eerie, but still it's still arm pit of Pennsylvania. So it's not gonna be either of those places. No, no, But will she invite Blake Lively? And no, they will not be at the wedding. You heard it here first.

I can't imagine it's her doing that.

This is her day, you know, women alike, on their big day, they get to say what they want to say, do what they want to do. Taylor Swift is pissed off enough that this our text messages were read. She looks like a real kind of a I mean Look, we all say things on text and emails that we would be embarrassed about. But that's not what Taylor Swift needs right now. With all the popularity she has, I don't think she wants to invite that trouble to her wedding.

We're uh, we're in the ball in this uh. In this episode, we got Trump and chimpanzee oars, we got we got gorillas doing uh playing against Somali's in chess. Now we now we have the predicted divorce between Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.

Okay, I know I think she's I just know she she went too far.

She went too far, now, she's The last thing she said was when when Britney what's his name Baldoni met Britney Spears because they were talking to each other online on Twitter, so when he met her in person, he moved in for a hug. Oh my god, and he said, when I hugged her, I felt like she didn't really know who I was. And I walked away say oh

Correct, this is where we're going with these people fucking babies, baby.

That it's the dumbest, fucking why we should have run for the hills on this thing two years ago. But you know, there's been some great AI. I mean, there's a lot of people hate non AI lately, but it's been some unbelievably entertaining AI. The the Trump as the I had told.

You that was great, that was so great.

I had told you, I had told you.

Why does he have people doing these things you think or are they just from random people around the country.

I think both. Uh yeah, I think both. But I think the randos do better work than than the the folks that he's hired on board. But that was one of the funniest memes I've seen.

Oh because I asked.

I remember I was talking to Jeff Ross, the Roastmaster General, and his special in Netflix is great, take a banana with you.

It is really sweet.

But in his first term. I was talking to Jeff. He's like, you know, you know, I could take him a leave, and he goes, I'll tell you what he needs. He needs a comedy writer. I said, you know what, You're right, he needs if you had a writer, a lot of those things that don't land would land. I said, yeah, I can see what you mean. So maybe he found a few people.

I know.

He approached Joe Rogan at the Fights the other night and said, he's fucking relentless.

Joe.

I'm very disappointed, Joe. You didn't have me on your show for a long time. Joe, I thought you were true patriot. Joe, let's get.

Back on the air.

And Joe's like, okay, okay, he was the president. How do you even come to say that as a president, it's a podcaster. It's just so strange, Like, come on.

Joe, it's so I mean, it's so ridiculous. He he knows every single talent on Fox News, like knows their ratings as it's ridiculous. He saw him on I guess he Uh, what's the one I watched the five? He

Yea.

And he wants her off the show. He tells he wants her off the show. Yeah, mister president. He she's just there to make it look like this is real. And you know he doesn't care.

Listen when I when I was not a fan of his, when I couldn't stand him, I remember I had him on. I would tape some of our phone calls in the nineties just for Prospery. I'd take a lot of celebrities just to Mariah Carey, who I would just tape them. So I remember one day I said to my gotta go to Cuba. I was wanting to go to Cuba, and he said, now go to you gotta go to Russia. The women there have no morals. And I remember that sentence.

Yeah, didn't do anything with it. But he just says he's that's the way he is.

Like on Stern, he would give girls a one to ten rating and say this one got too heavy, this one's booms look bad.

He's just a typical fucking dude.

I think he would still do that. I think he would do that right now. I think he would do that from the Oval office with a parade of girls that were just taken through. He would love that one at a time he would just he was.

He was on a golf course the other day and there's just hot scot You look great, you look great. The golf car pulls over, he gets out and hugs or you want to picture, right, let's take a picture.

It's not even a celebrity does that, but the president's doing it. It stop. The car's gorgeous.

He is who he is?

Hey, what do you make of le Malania just going up front and saying I have nothing to do with Epstein?

I haven't, madame blah blah. I mean, what what was that? A pre emptive strike? What are we looking at down the road?

It might have been a waged dog just to try and put something in the news other than uh Iran. Although I think that, I think that momentum is about to swing, yeah, in Trump's direction. There I'm not going. Uh did you see fucking Justin Trudeau at Coachella with Katy Is discussing is he the biggest pussy in the pctory of world leadership? Like, name a world leader who was a bigger puss than that guy?

No, No, I've never seen anybody as light and the feet as he is.

I mean, somebody who says Macron. Maybe a second, I guess.

Yeah, I Smack May's wife. Yeah, let's put Macrone up there. I don't really see many world leaders being so embarrassing, but.

This guy is that Coachella.

First of all, it's weird that he's with Katy Perry because she's a caff a nut and he's got his cap on backwards. I don't like a guy who was a cap on backwards when you're older than thirty. Not only that he's in his picture, what he's drinking out of a red Roady plastic cup. Uh. He banned the use of single plastics in Kenady. No, you can't have Roady's name, but he gets to use Coachella. It's just hardship.

I don't know. I would never I was talking to Rocko. A lot of his friends went to Coachella. You know, I said, Ah, tickets for Bloody. I can't. I right, I don't even know what, but of course they are. Not to mention the food and water. I go. I can't ship in out houses and I'm not a kid anymore. I I you know, I gotta pee a lot.

You know I can't, and I'm not going to spend fourteen dollars for water and god knows what everything.

But this was this made Woodstock. I think I think Woodstock.

Wasn't as big as this last Coachella crowd I saw the pictures are ridiculous of the crowd. And you got Justin Bieber using an iPad and and kind of like karaokeing his songs. That are he played his songs on an iPad and just sang along to them. And he got apparently ten million bucks.

To do this.

I don't know.

It's not a bad that's not a bad. Right right now, I can't take Look, you can take shots at Trudeau, you can't take shots at the beach be.

True though, I can't. I can't believe that Katy Perry. I can't imagine the sex does two have.

I don't. I just don't see him as the kind of guy.

Well, she's not the way Katy Perry used to look anymore either. She looks she looks a little crazy. How about the story you heard that she that with that actress Ruby Rose, that that uh, what do you call it? She's very she's just a she's a gender non binary whatever that fuck you want to case.

She's a guy she's a girl.

She was really adorable. She played a batgirl. Batwoman never came out either way. She says that Katy Perry. At one point twenty years ago, Ruby Rose had her head down she didn't feel good on a girlfriend's lap, and Katy Perry came over to her and pulled her underwear to the side and rubbed her vagina on her face, and Ruby Rose projectile vomited on her. This is the new story that came out yesterday and and Katie had to deny this, so it's a big thing. She went

Hey believe all women, tell me, tell tell tell me that story again. She was She walked up to her.

What position, Ruby Rose, the actress was laying on her friend's lap, shod her head on her friend's thighs, and.

Katy Perry came over.

She knew her because they know each other, and she took Ruby Rose says, Katy Perry pulled her underwear to the side and rubbed her vagina on her face.

And when she woke up, so.

It's it's Katy Perry's face and Ruby.

Ruby's Ruby's face on her friend's lap, and Katie Perry pulled her her own.

Underwear, her own under the side and wiped her wiped.

Her vagina on Ruby Rose's face, and Ruby Rose says she projectile vomited. First of all, I know she likes girls, and you got a Pop Stars vagina on your face? Why would your vomit number one? Number two? It's over twenty years ago. Katy Perry and Ruby Rose weren't even famous. Shit, they were like two years out from being known. This is a ridiculous story.

But well, look see that story. I'd buy and I buy it because who would make up a fucking retarded story?

Like it's crazy, it's crazy.

I mean, you make it up a story, you make up a different story than that.

It's pretty wild.

And look, if it was that long ago, maybe, you know, maybe Katie didn't do a very good job of cleaning up down there. I mean, maybe it was. Maybe it's a little bit on the you know, the nasty sting.

Yeah it happened. I don't like. I don't like what's going on, lady.

But they're they're they're telling us that girls who get Brazilian butt lifts. They stink it did the smell comes out of their butt when men are behind them, they can smell it. You got labs. You know these girls who get injections and they're ass. They get like the Kardashians and ship they get the bigger ass. Apparently there's a very bad smell associated with that Brazilian butt lift situation.

On some ray J talked about.

Wait, like coming out, Yeah, it must be coming out. I don't like they're farting it.

No, it's no, no, just a yeah like a bo and ao and ass owner that it's coming out of their body and you know, and ray J ray J said that on on radio show that everybody I think the breakfast club, I mean it was widely heard. Other people have said it. And now you got the dancer was a Gleb Septchenko from Who's who was? Who was with the brooks Nader? Who was the hot or the hot one right now horn her hot sisters. She's a model, not really into brooks Nado, but she's dating an after

Up girls like that. You really shouldn't. I don't know. You want to blow up a girl's smell and she's bad in bed. I've never had that. I never took that tact with a girl. I think that's gross.

Just be happy you fuck the model man, but you, you know, just don't don't talk shit about her.

I do. I like this story though, the projectile vomit after getting the snack wash. We gotta know more on that. I'm sure you'll be on top of that story as.

I'm on it today. Of course.

Of course, of course, all right, Well, we solve a lot of the world's problems to them, very very proud of this show. I'm sorry Kenny couldn't have been here for the chimpanzee.

Uh I can't.

I just can't believe you didn't do Trump as Jesus. Or the cocaine hippos in Colombia. Those are I mean, that's right up your alley. Cocaine hippos, shocks on paint.

Sharks on paint pills in Florida, that's right in your area.

I'm not aware of the sharks on paint pills story.

That's people are flushing drugs down the toilet. It all goes into the ocean. We got sharks on coke because the wait.

A minute, wait a minute later, that's okay, that's not this full ship. I mean they can stillute it and you're not. They're not flushing enough. Fucking uh, who knows.

I don't know how much. I don't know the old state. It is Florida. No, it is Florida.

That's okay.

But you believe that a shark could be high in okay when he eats one of the packages right or takes a.

Chef the most definitely, So you got sharks.

On coke, and I heard that they're moderately high on some paint pills. So it's good luck at the beach.

You mean that they got.

You mean that they got the same way they like some narco boat got blown up by Trump and something floated in and the shark went after yell. You know, I wish I hadn't seen that story.

I would have definitely when I see you know, we just my knees, and when I see you, I'm not going past my knees.

Well, I we'll get we'll get Kenny to uh, we'll add that one in next week and we'll get I'm trying to keep sending him pictures of boats.

I'm gonna ask you, is he is he moving on on a boat or what.

We're gonna split a boat? But right, but his price range and my price range two very different things. And he's like, that boat's too old. I'm like, Kenny, the engine doesn't have that many hours. We don't give a shape, We don't we don't need some stupid little dick boat. I mean, just get a nice boat we can hang out on. By the way.

When he flies, when he flies all over the country, he's on a plane that's thirty five years old too.

I mean that's just the way.

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a freaking boat. It floats, and you know, if this one, if this one should end up on fire, we don't lose, you know, a quarter of a million dollars whatever. Right, So anyway, thanks for listening, folks, dude, uh good time later, thanks folks,