Everyday I Write The Book

I know why I got thrown off because today, as I'm recording, this is the eleventh of December, and uh tomorrow meeting. Today is you know, Frank Sinatra's birthday. Where I used to take Rocco to a restaurant in Beverly Hills called adolce Vita where Frank used to eat, and there's a booth with a plaque with his name on it. Across from his booth there's a Ronald Reagan booth and several years ago I took Rocko there to eat and

have the sandabs. Oh sanddabs is so good, and of course I had to have Jack dangels on the rocks, just like Frank used to love. But those days are behind me anyhow. It's also like I said, the day that my nephew died, Jackie two years ago today, that's hard. It's hard, you know. I think about him so many times a day, and I try to say his name

every day. You know. I don't know if you guys do that when you're missing a loved one, but especially a loved one you just never fucking thought would be gone. Like you know, I'm used to seeing people like my mother and father sick for a long time and then dying, my sister Lorraine sick for a while with cancer dying. I don't do well with my loved ones just disappearing in a day. That's hard. And I remember when it happened.

You guys were there, many of you when I was at Rosalie's in Chicago and it was obviously Christmas time, and Jackie, even though he was fifty years old, still called his mother once or twice a day. That's the relationship we have with our Rosalie, and that was his mom, so of course he always did it. She's has always been great at giving us guidance and support and honesty, and he didn't call. I wonder why Jackie didn't call.

I don't know. Ro It could be maybe he's working extra time to make money, you know, yeah, it could be the night time comes, no call again, and she's calling him, he's not picking up. He j what do I do? What do I do? This is row. We got to do a welfare check. I mean, this is this is a whole day and night. Now he hasn't called you, hasn't answered your calls or text. This is

not good. The hardest thing was to do that welfare check man, because you know once you'd do that, you know, even though what's already happened has happened, but you're more or less leaving it up to the gods, like we give up. We need someone to go check. And you feel so helpless when you give that information to people who can go do the checking. And of course it

came back. You know, he was dead and sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, which he always did when he watched TV when I stayed with him, when I lived with him, I laid down on the couch to the left and he sat on the floor and kept kissing and playing with his two Yorkies, I

Con and Jake. That's just the relationship they had. He let them crawl all over him and kiss him and lick him, and you know, and to know that he was there in that spot, I could only imagine what those little dog hees felt, you know what I mean. I'll sad. Oh God, I'm sorry to start to show off like this, but you know when Rosalie. I woke up to a text this morning with Rosie reminding us us being me, Joey and Joey's wife Julia, that today's two years since Jackie left us and I can't stand it.

I can't stand it, you know, I'm sorry. Christmas time tomorrow is my sister Lorraine's birthday, who's gone. And of course my mother is a December twenty fifth when she died, you know, on Christmas morning. Either way, you know, we get through it, we get tough, we get through it. But when you lose people during the holidays, man, and there's some of you out there right now that are going through the same shit, it is tough. And I said it once and I don't think I can do

it again. But she could go with Rosalie and jack to the Morgue and having to get on a plane and make arrangements at the last minute to go to Los Angeles from Chicago within ours because we got the message at like midnight. Now we gotta find a fucking plane to go. And we found something in five, six am whatever it was. We're tired, no one slept. You're sitting on an airplane and the thought of hey, we're

gonna come down the aisle. There's coffee, water, alcohol, beverages, and it's like, oh, I guess the world just goes on. Of course it does. I know that, and you find yourself partaking in what the world goes on with And I look at Rosalie and Jackie. Yeah, I need to fucking drink. I don't care if it's nine am. I need to fucking drink. We gotta go, id Jackie. If ever, I didn't want to be straight, it's right now, and

you know, we all did. I remember saying we got to the mortuary, I said, ROI cankle in, Okay, I said, bro, I just I can't walk in there. And then I saw her and jack just like getting ready to do it, you know, And I said, well, fuck, they can't be alone, I'll be with them, and it is the worst experience ever. Okay, I gotta stop this. I'm sorry. My glasses were fogging up. I'm crying. The headsets pissing me off, fucking work. Okay,

I'm sorry. I just can't take this shit. So many assholes in this world are still breathing and walking fucking hot all right, anyhow, Oh, I'm sorry, Gang. I just saw President Biden like an asshole trying to convince people because he said that he handed over the best economy in the history of America to Donald Trump. He I mean, how could anybody number one believe it? Number two deliver that line while keeping a straight face. I hope he shited his pants while he said that he's done it

before he did it in the Vatican. I hope he shit his pants when he said I'm handing h Donald Trump the best economy the America's ever had. Really, Okay, Bernie, go back to the beach, you clown. Listen. I don't want to jump on a very old and infirmed man, but if he's gonna say shit like this and lie through his ugly capped teeth, then I gotta talk. The price of food is up twenty three percent, housing twenty three percent, energy twenty nine percent higher electricity, same thing,

car insurance. You ready, it's up fifty seven percent. Overall, just living your life is twenty five percent more difficult, fucking idiots. Anyway, Look, I'm not gonna. I will say something fun about Christmas time and Jackie and oh my god, stop crying, fucking plussy. I'm nine years old when Jackie was born, right, and as the years went on, obviously we bathed together, played together. But during the Christmas time so fun. You know, we had so many gifts. It

was like it was rude. It was rude. How many gifts were around my mother's tree. I mean, it was just crazy. Rosalie would bring over her presence from next door. Lorraine and Frankie would would bring theirs over and that would match my mother's total. And I mean the fucking presence were not only around the tree, but they went down the fucking hallway on cursing Lie apologize. They went down the hallway and I would stay home from school. My mother knew, like, okay, a j you can stay

from school. Because I used to love to take my army men, right, my little army men. Rosalie would buy me packages of army men in the late sixties early seventies. She stopped at a five and ten cent store Row Road. By me army men, That's what I always said to her. RORO, by me army men. Okay, she's twenty one. I'm four

or five years old. And I would take these army men and put them in all the boxes around the tree, right, and I would like it would be their mountain, you know, where they can shoot people and be snipers and get killed. And I would sit there and put these little army men around the boxes. And Mia Mary would always make fun of me because she would hear me go, go, oh, Age, are you killing everybody? Hey? Mary, stop stop talking. Oh my god, you're killing so many people all right. You know.

She just wanted to get involved. And then Jackie would join me. When I saw Jackie was young enough and he started to like army men, there would I didn't want to go to school. I wanted to stay home with him and play with those army figurines on the boxes around the Christmas tree. Oh God, I'm sorry, guys, this is so stupid. I couldn't anticipate this anyhow, Let me try to laugh. You know, Rosalie, as we got older and became young men and men roll with, you know,

buy the most presents for all of us. But she would always do this thing that we would always malign her for and give her a shit for. You know, she'd see a shirt at Macy's that she deemed this is a beautiful shirt my brother and my son's need for the next dinner party, for the next whatever the fuck, and she'd buy us all the same shirt. And then inevitably, on Christmas Eve, as we're opening our gifts, Me, Joey and Jackie would give us so much shit. Ma, bro,

why do we have the same purple fucking shirts? I don't know. It's good, you look good in purple. It's light purple, it's not dark purple, I know, but why do we have the same shirts? A row? And Jackie and joy Ma just stop doing this. But it became a thing. And you know, Jackie's thing was to wrap gifts up for his family and just it could be like a little diff but he put it in a

big ass box. Then they open it up and it's a smaller box like a Russian doll kind of thing, and it took ten to fifteen minutes to get to the present. We all did that shit anyhow. I know I'm emotional because you know it's two years to day, but also because what I mentioned gone, My birthdays tomorrow and Christmas time. We just we had a ball who didn't right? Okay, I gotta stop. I'm sorry, it's been fourteen minutes to be blubbering. I'm really sorry. But some

of you listen because I'm real. I don't, you know, hide my emotions. So in the podcast game, that's good speaking the podcast. I was listening this morning to uh Joe Rogan had Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avery on. I'm not sure how many of you guys know Roger Avery, Quentin Tarantino's partner. He was a screenwriter, still is a screenwriter. I'm very, very talented, and they you know what a lot of people don't remember or don't care to know,

is Roger Avery. After they got famous with pulp fiction and reservoir dogs, Roger Avery had a big old car crash up in Ojai, California, And you know he was driving in speeds excess an excess of one hundred miles an hour, wrap his car run a telephone pole. He was drinking and a guy in his car was a friend from Italy who just was a newlywed. He died

and Roger Avery's wife was seriously injured. But this guy died and you know, that put Roger Avery in jail for a year and a five year you know, probationary kind of situation. But I mean, the guy was an Oscar winning screenwriter on pulp fiction and he got a jail sentence behind bars. But what he did, and I'm bringing this up because you know I've said this before. Hold on, yeah, I'm sorry, I've been crying for fifteen minutes.

I've said this before. But you know, people who need to write, people who live to write, doesn't matter where they are. They got to get their words down on paper. And Roger Avery is I'm not gonna say languishing, but he's in a prison. It's kind of a country club kind of place. But still the door shut, you don't have freedom. There's still a hole that he was in that you have to deal with. Where you sit next

to the bucket you shit in and piss in. It's awful, but you know, he was the main reason why that person died. So that's the punishment. But the fact that Roger Avery would go to Twitter somehow while he was in jail, and he would go through these, you know, one hundred and forty character takes, and he began to build up a really a vivid portrait of what it

was like to be in Ventura County jail. And he would he would tweet things out like sickness spreads throughout the facility, like brush fires, and number thirty four, which was him, Number thirty four is helpless to avoid the outbreak and inevitable infection. And you know, God, I've only

been in jail three different times for twelve hours. It's it's the worst feeling when the door shuts behind you, when the fucking blogoney sandwich comes out, when the lights are still on and you're in a fucking you're in a cell with ten guys man and they got to take a shit in front of you, and the lights are on. The lights don't get dim when it's nighttime.

The lights are on and there's a guy across and you're taking a dump and it's diarrhea and it's four point thirty in the morning and there's a light on and we all see him and smell him and hear it. And there's another guy in the corner pissing in the corner because the toilet's not available. It's horrible. And that's only twelve hours in. So Roger Avery went through this awful shit, and he admits he deserved it. But he got a year in jail, five years probation and for

that man's thought to charge. But what he did while he was in there, I mean, everybody thought that's the end of his writing career. Right in nineteen ninety five, this guy won an Oscar with Tarantino for the script they wrote for Pulp Fiction. Okay. He also directed Killing Zoe I love that movie and The Rules of Attraction.

He co wrote and produced the Robert Sameekas film Bey Wolf. So, I mean he was doing big things and his time inside was hard, and he sent out tweets to tell people how fraid he was, how every few hours, like clockwork, the guards flashed there. They're flashed light in your face just to make sure you don't sleep and you stay exhausted. They did that when I was in there, just overnight. They do it and you sit there. You get a pillow,

well not really a pillow. You got a blanket you can put under your head, and one blanket you put over your body, and you lay down on a piece of concrete. And like Avery said, as he tweeted, the sheets, the clean sheets reeked a sweat of a thousand men. That's a good rider, man. Breakfast porridge is made with oats from sat with a picture of a horse on them, labeled not intended for human consumption. The windows let in a little light, and I'm subjected to random stripped down

and cavity searchers by a leering, rotund officer. This is great. I mean, it's great to have people on the inside tell you exactly what the hell's going on right. Oh my god, it scares me. It chills me to my bone, he said. Night is the worst night falls, and the only real activity is an endless recounting of the terrible and pointless events that brought us all to this sad place. I know, you know what, you know what you meet

when you're in a jail cell. You meet remorse and regret, and they come at you fucking hard, and you have to accept them because they're right. But I listened to him on the Joe Rogan Show today with Clinton Tarantino, and I give him a lot of credit for knowing he needed to write to stay sane, to stay alive, and that impressed me. The dedication to write, the hunger to get words down on paper. And he was writing with like put puck golf pencils, ten weedy three inch

pencils man on paper. And he wrote a movie script while he was incarcerated. But because prison officials always confiscate letters that inmates send, Avery had to make believe he was writing to his lawyer, right. And you know officials, prison officials can't mess with anything that you send to

your lawyer because it's attorney attorney client privilege. So any time there were there coming around the cells to look for shives or weapons, whatever drugs, he would take his pages and shove them in an envelope that already had his lawyer's name and address it right, so they can't

touch that shit. And then when they were gone and the papers were, you know, written the way he wanted, he would lick the envelope close and send it off right, And then his attorney would take those pages and give them to his to Roger Avery's daughter and she would then type them in to a screenplay format at home. So he was, you know, writing a screenplay or two while he was in car. I love that. I love that this guy had to write the commitment not for nothing.

Maybe that commitment keeps you alive, right, But it reminded me of what I saw in the film Quills, right DeRemer Quills. Jeffrey Rush played the Marquis de Sade, a seventeen hundreds writer, which just happened to share my birthday of June second. The Marquis Decide went to prison because of all his crazy ideas and writing about you know,

fucking and this is a very puritanical world. And along comes the Marquis Decided is talking about all sorts of crazy shit, you know, and he he lived his words. He had sex with young people, young boys, young girls. He did. It's awful. So when he went to prison, he eventually got moved to different prisons here and there, and the final place he was sent to was an infamous prison and bess Steel and that was the like

the late seventeen eighties. And then he got freed finally, but he had a crazy time in there, and he actually admitted that the one thing that didn't change while he was in while he was in prison was his libido and his sexual imagination. And during his period of being in prison, he had secretly written a number of pornographic stories that were published. If you saw the movie, you know how he sneaked the words out and the manuscripts out. It was brilliant, and he eventually got widely

published under a different name. But people began to know, this has to be the Marquis de Sade, right, this guy went to jail from seventeen seventy seven to seventeen ninety and he wrote a bunch of novels and other things and they were all smalled out of prison, and once he got released, was storing the French Revolution. He began to pursue the career of writing, and he became politically active as well. But now he got too sexual,

got in prison again, almost got the guillotine. He was arrested in eighteen oh one because he wrote too many pornographic novels and got put in jail again, and then got sent to an insane asylum, and he finally died in eighteen fourteen. But you gotta read some of his works. You gotta read Justine, and you gotta read Juliet. This guy, I mean, don't forget the word sadism derives from his name, Marquis de Sade sad say say it isn't that's him. This guy was seducing young people in prison, and he

was finally declared insane. They said he had libertine dementia, was put in an asylum. But I know most of you don't know and don't care. It's too much work age a it's such an old thing, you know, how many hundreds of years ago. I'm not gonna want this day and the language. No, no, no, you have to. If you're just starting out and have a little bit of interest in the Marquis Decide, you should look at the at the story Justine. It's a little shorter than

the story Juliet, but they're kind of similar. All right, Read Justine and Juliet. Ninety five percent of you won't. But if you don't read it, then see the movie Quills, which came out, Oh my God twenty five years ago, and the Marquis Decide was portrayed by Jeffrey Rush, who I can't stand as a human being because I had an argument with him at the restaurant I go because I moved my seat back and I hit him and he was like, excuse me. I said, oh, I'm very sorry.

Well I expect you wouldn't be. And I said, oh, fuck yourself, Marquis de Sade, this ain't the movies. I'll fucking knock you out. I did say that it's so bad. Of course I was high, but you know, I gave him the what for. But see the movie Quills, because Jeffrey Rush does an amazing job, and you got to see what this guy did, what he eventually had to do to get his words out there. He eventually when they took away the paper and pen, what else could he do? How about I write with my own shit?

And that's what he did. He penned words with his own excrement as ink while he spent thirty two years of his life in jail. Thirty two That sounded like Barbara Walters thirty two years in the clink. I don't know what the equivalent of that is. You know, like, you may like him, maybe it's not for your taste, but it's hard to ignore what this guy did while he was alive. And I don't know, Like I said, I don't know the equivalent of what it might be for a podcaster. I mean, would it be me taping

a show while I'm on the toilet? I don't know. But don't hold your breath. Well, actually, if I'm taping a show on the shit, then please do hold your breath. But really, you got to see what the Marquis Decide went through and how he had a hunger like Roger Avery to get his words out so that they can mean something. That is just awesome to me. That's a superpower to me. And you know, I read a lot of the situation with what happened to the Marquis Decide.

I was on a website, you know, The Guardian. The Guardian is a website. It's a you know, well, I mean it is. It is a lefty website. But get this, here's the letter I get from the Guardian at the end of the story about what Marquis Decide did. Hey, throughout the tumultuous years of the first Trump presidency, we never minimize what they feld wrong or normally lies the threat of his authoritarianism, and we treated as lies as genuine danger to democracy, a threat that found this expression

on January sixth, twenty twenty one. How fuck yourself, there was no insurrection. Listen, Americans have guns, machine guns, rifles, cannons. No one brought guns to this insurrect I'm so sick of hearing this bullshit. But this The Guardian is asking

for money and making no bones about it. With Trump weeks away from taking office again, with dramatic implications for Ukraine and the Middle East and US democracy and we're reproductive rights and inequality and our collective environmental future, it's time for us to redouble our efforts to hold the president elect and those who surround him to account. It's going to be an enormous challenge and we need your help.

They're asking for money to hold truck to account. This is a How can a website, slash magazine, slash newspaper act this way and have anybody think, Well, they're really gonna go down the middle. They're gonna be very objective. It's obvious. No, they want you to pay them to keep operating them so they can tell you how bad Donald Trump is. This is the kind of shit we're

living through. Unbelievable I'm gonna say this next story, and I'm gonna leave it so you can examine it until tomorrow, because I think we as men need to address this issue to Megan Fox, who's hot as hell. Let's just I watched a movie the other night on Netflix whatever, what's called Submissive or Subservient where she plays like a robot that a family takes in a husband and a wife and a daughter, and of course she's hot as hell.

It starts fucking the husband. It's so ridiculous. But there's Megan Fox acting like she's a robot, but there's no denying she's sexy as all hell. So she's now done with Machine Gun Kelly because she found he was talking to other women behind her back on his cell phone, a lot of text messages, and Megan said, when you know we were away for the Thanksgiving holiday, I got suspicious and she went through his phone and she found text messages from other women and said, you know what,

I'm out. She always had trust issues with Machine Gun Kelly, who the hell wouldn't because he has a pass that's pissed her off, and they've had their ups and downs, okay, but she was willing to look past a bunch of shit. He's a younger knucklehead. She's an older woman, gorgeous and a mom of three kids. You gotta know what you're dealing with, machine Gun Kelly. She wanted to make everything fun again, rebuild their trust. She was working toward that.

It can't be easy when when your boyfriend is so young and so famous with regard to how he is the Again. Maybe you don't agree, but many girls find him sexy and crazy and fun, and he's dynamic as

a performer. He is a bona fide star. But she found these text messages and she decided I'm out because she's very strong, she's independent and nowadays, guys mainly i'm speaking to you need to notice in case you have it, most of our women are very focused on the fact that they're strong and may I say strong error in our relationship. They will not put up with little bits of bullshit like this and that. Of course, women are saying, age, it's not little bits of bullshit. He was flirting with

other girls. You're right. If he was flirting, that's bad. If he was linding him up to have sex with them, then that's a that's a game change. That's a game ender. So we don't know what Megan Fox found. But these two have been on again, off again. They're expecting their first baby together. They broke up over Thanksgiving. It's sad, man, it's not good. But guys, I want to bring this up.

Let's talk about the bullshit. Some of us have been guilty of shit that we've done before or were caught in the act of doing, you know, sending messages to a pretty girl on Instagram or an ex girlfriend or somebody unfaced book. Even liking a sexy picture will get you in trouble. We all know. We've all been down that road, some of us more than others. Right, It's true. You know the shit that we've done in the past, years ago, that just cannot stand anymore. It sucks. And

you know what women believe. If you like a picture of a pretty sexy girl, what have you or God forbid say something back to her, make a comment. It's bad, it's bad. They think that we're having sex with that person. We know that's not true, but we do know. Let's be honest, it definitely definitely satisfy something in our sick, fucking brain. I shouldn't even say sick. It is a

very biological thing. You know. When I was in my marriage and we were not together for ten fucking years, yeah, I did look for other women on Instagram to say things about me looking good or what have you, or a few moments of flirtation that kept the oxygen in my lungs. It really did. Otherwise you sit there miserable, going, I haven't had sex the next many days, weeks, months, you fucking name it. And now there's a girl who I think is so pretty and she's gonna tell me

I look good. Well, yeah, I want to keep talking to her. It's just inevitable. Instagram flirting is considered by a ton of women a form of cheating because it violates the boundaries agreed upon when you, guys, get your relationship off the ground. And if you're sending flirtabacious messages or making comments about a woman's breast, dress, walk, what have you, that's a sign of betrayal. That's the sign of a woman not being able to trust you. But you know, I don't know what you want to do.

I mean, we have to address this. We can't just be the cavemen that many of us know where from I mean women are from cave people do, so. I think a lot of us have grown up with this ridiculous notion of I'm a caveman. I got a wife in the cave with a kid. We're chewing on the brontosaurus ribs. But there's a girl I like, I'm in a cracker over the head of my club, drag her in a cave and have sex with her. I know it's ridiculous, but I swear I can tell you that

a lot of men believe that. Well, all I did is like her picture, I just you look good. You can't do that. You can't you can't do it, or you're gonna have nothing but trouble. But Machine Gun Kelly Man a guy like him who's famous and young and handsome and and you know, exciting to see in person. The world is his oyster. And as gorgeous as Megan Fox is, she doesn't have that same oyster in front

of her like Machine Gun Kelly does. So yeah, he's gonna have more things to titillate him and make him, you know, kind of walk off the reservation, which is bet because a guy like him will never get a girl like Megan Fox. Well, I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't say that girls love fucking you know, rock and roll dudes and machine gun. Kelly could have ten more beauties, but right now you got Megan Fox and you're gonna be a daddy man. So I think we'll talk about

this morning tomorrow. I think a lot of guys out there, because I've talked to at least five of you, and we talk regularly. You've been caught flirting, chasing, saying something nice, and I talked to four or five of you. Pour in the doghouse facing divorce, go into therapy. This is something that's going on constantly around the country. We gotta get it right, guys. We gotta figure out what the

fuck is wrong with us. Okay, we have to. But you can't lose a good woman because some mutana and god knows where has a nice alpha with a nipple sticking out. If you can't dump everything to go you look great or whatever the hell it is, you can't do it. But yet so many of us do, and we know it's dumb. We need to talk Tomorrow. We'll have a deeper conversation about ladies. I'm trying to do what I can to help you because men are fucking dumb. I get it, we are, so I'm trying. I'm aj Benson.

That was your daily Unfiltered podcast for December twelfth, twenty twenty four. Jackie, I miss you. We all miss you. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow