¶ Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion
Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion , the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life . Get ready to conquer your fears . Here's your host psychotherapist , coach and empowerment expert , Beverly Glazer .
Are you ready to shake up the rules and follow your own path ? Well , welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion . I'm Beverley Glazer and I'm a transformational coach and therapist , and I help women to have the confidence to create the life they know that they deserve . And you can find me on reinventimpossiblecom or text me in the show notes below .
Today's guest is on a mission to show women that getting older means stepping up the game . Jacqueline Perez is a first-time poet who , at 60 , discovered the transformative power of words after a month-long journey in Istanbul . She is a pro-aging champion and the founder of Cool Life , a platform dedicated to normalizing aging in women .
From growing up as a child of refugee parents to launching a platform that empowers women all over the world , Jack's journey is full of surprises . If you're ready to shake off the rules and create new ones , you do not want to miss this conversation . Hey , jack , welcome .
Great to be here , Beverley . Thank you so much for hosting me today .
Well , you have so much of an exciting life , Jack . Whenever you know , I'm following you because I'm part of your community and I'm a thought leader on cool life and you're all over the world . You're all over everywhere . I don't know how you do it and run a business and everything else and all of a sudden become a poet , but we don't even know that yet .
So , wow , jack , you grew up as with parents that were refugees from Cuba .
How did that shape you yeah . Well , I am certain that it is exactly why I am the way I am today . Right , I mean , I'd have to run some sort of parallel experiment where I grew up simultaneously , you know , with maybe normal parents or whatever normal parents who had normal parents . Nobody has , there are no such thing as normal parents .
But yes , it was interesting , beverly , because I grew up where , inside my house it was Little Havana , we spoke Spanish , it was very culturally Hispanic , latin American , and then when I stepped out the door , all of my friends were , you know , regular old United States kids with , like , the bicycles and the parents that didn't have curfews on them .
And you know , it was just interesting .
I just , I had a very restrictive sort of conservative upbringing and I believe that my reaction to that was to be anything but conservative , right , because it's not what happens to you , it's what you choose to do with it , and some people are molded and follow in the footsteps and then some people choose to do things differently .
I wanted to have a really big life and I just , I chose less fear . I was raised on a whole lot of fear . I mean big chose less fear . I was raised on a whole lot of fear . I mean big doses of fear .
Yeah , dollops of fear you would never know . You never at all . You also , though , you were diving into music and art and sports and acting , and all of that . Was that nurtured , or was that just part of your community ?
That was me . Just , I am a novelty seeker , it turns out . I am driven to be constantly curious and searching , which is a yin and a yang . Right , because sometimes I find myself doing the whole . Why am I always so wistful ? Why am I always so wishing for what's next ? Because that's not a great place to be .
Always right , you want to be satisfied , you want to be in the moment , and I struggle with that because I'm very , very geared to what's around the corner , what's coming , and sometimes I have to work really hard to stop and really feel and be good about what is just happening right now now , but you also grew up with unconditional love in that family and I
think that that was really helpful .
It's like you were the only child , the oldest child . You probably were helping your parents a lot just navigating America and helping your sister , perhaps your brother as well , but you also have that unconditional love , that foundation . What does that give you ?
So , to be honest with you , that is the one thing that I emulated from parenting was that unconditional love , because I believe that if your child knows and feels it , boy oh boy , you can make a ton of mistakes in the parenting world , I believe .
Well , at least that's what I hung my hat on when I parented , you know , because I really I ended up appreciating and really valuing my parents for what they were able to provide . They did the best they could , given the circumstances and given who they were and given their upbringing , given their family of origin stuff .
And having that unconditional love provided this sense of self-esteem , maybe , maybe that's the word I'm looking for , right , because if you know you're loved , you're going to feel pretty good about yourself and when you're little , you're not really looking for love from a lot of different places , you're just looking for it at home .
I got it at home , I didn't go without .
And then you went off to corporate America after your education and you actually left corporate America and started your own PR agency . Why did you do that ? What is which ?
Well , I don't play nicely with others when I'm being told what to do all the time . I found corporate America very frustrating . I wanted a shorter path between my suggestion or my activity or my work product , whatever it is . I wanted a shorter path between it and the result . In corporate America , the path was long and it wasn't straight .
It was , you know , twisty turny . There were so many different decision makers involved . There were so many , you know , conversations to come to agreements and to compromise . Frustration there was no way . Frustration . I much preferred a shorter distance between action and reaction or action and outcomes , and that is why I started my own business .
I wanted to be held accountable . I wanted to run the show and I wanted to be held accountable for the outcome and know what it was in a short period of time , not wait weeks or months to find out that what you were working on was worthless . I hate that . I want to know . I want to know sooner .
Sure , and so you were on top of your game and you went into PR . And then what happened after that is you really started suffering menopause , and it was a lot different than most . A lot of people suffer , we suffer in different ways , but you went through a complete life change . What was that like for you ?
It was overwhelming , beverly , I completely lost me . I gained almost 40 pounds . I was weighing what I weighed . The day I delivered my son , I had all sorts of anxiety , which I'm not an anxious person , I never have been but I was dealing with a ton of anxiety . I was dealing with not being able to regulate my emotions .
Not a good version of me Forget about like the normal stuff that people find to be true , like the hot flashes and all that stuff .
Yeah , that happened too , but there was some really big issues that prevented me from functioning and , honestly , I worked for myself and I could kind of navigate the water sort of behind the scenes for myself and I could kind of navigate the water sort of behind the scenes .
However , if I had been forced to go to my corporate job during those years , I might've been fired because I don't know that I was , I don't know that I was performing . Do you know what I mean ? Like I don't know that I was , I wasn't okay and it wasn't a permanent situation , it wasn't .
But I know I've read the studies A lot of women misconstrue menopause symptoms , sometimes for early onset dementia , and that's really scary . I was a little worried . I was . I was a little worried . Turns out I'm fine . It turns out I was just menopause .
But what did you do ? Did they say menopause right away , or did you really no ?
no , if they said menopause right away , that would mean that the medical community cared about the gender that has . That is known now as women . I don't even know what we're going to call it eventually , but we call them now women . Yes , if medicine cared about women , they would have had it all figured out . No , of course not .
I started doing what every other woman I think was doing at that time trying anything you know trying the curcumin , trying the turmeric , trying the melatonin for sleeping , trying that you name it . I tried it .
I swear to you , if you , if the guy on the with the horse and the little carriage walked by the traveling salesman and he had had like a goodie in his back , I would have gone out there and gotten it . I mean , I'm not making it up , I tried everything .
At the end of the day , I ended up utilizing hormones bioidentical hormone replacement therapy , bioidentical hormone replacement therapy and it has changed my life for me , For me too .
actually , I could put that one in too , but I didn't go through all that suffering that you did , but it made all the difference , all the difference .
And I am a big . I tell women ahead of time , now , like younger women , I'm like , listen , if you're starting to notice this , go find a doctor who will talk to you about this . Go find a doctor who knows what they're doing . Preferably , preferably , find a woman and don't just take my word . And I like men , I live with one , I made one . I love men .
I love men . I love men . But go out , do yourself a favor . Research just how women doctors do from just from a patient . What do you call it ? Survival rate ? Just go look and it is statistically significant and statistically different . Women have much higher rates of success in the medical community , in survival rates , than counter male doctors .
I don't do male doctors anymore , I just don't .
And Kuel Life , which is all about women and all about community . All about women and all about community . Tell us about that . When did you start that and why ?
I began Kuel Life about seven years ago . I started it with a friend who passed away shortly after we launched from colon cancer . But we started it because we felt invisible and we knew that we couldn't be the only ones , Beverly .
We knew that there had to be other women out there and we believe that the best gift we could give , the legacy that we wanted to leave behind , was to be part of the sea change and part of the paradigm shift to normalizing aging , because it is normal to age it is preferable to age than the counterpart but we don't treat it like a normal process for women .
And so cool life . What does it do for you ? Because now you've met so many people , including myself . You just hit the nail on the head .
I mean I get a lot of information because I have over 65 women from around the world that provide their wisdom and their expertise in the different lanes , the different opportunities and challenges that come up so everywhere , from reinvention and the topics that you cover , but there's also the physiological topics such as menopause . How do you date ?
Oh wait , divorce , the great divorce , and then dating . And then how do you date with a dry vagina ? Divorce , the great divorce , and then dating . And then how do you date with a dry vagina ? Right , I mean , there are a lot of things that happen at this stage of life .
I went out to find the experts , such as yourself , that are handling these opportunities and challenges for women today and I said to them I said you think it would be a good idea if we could consolidate all this information , make it available so women have a place to go to help themselves .
Knowledge is power , Knowledge is power and if you get the knowledge and you get the information , navigating midlife and beyond , I think , becomes such a delight , such a delight navigating midlife and beyond , I think , becomes such a delight , such a delight Totally , and that sisterhood also is so empowering . Yes , oh , I didn't answer your question .
So the thing that I got yes , I get information , but honestly , I did not expect this . This is not why I started it , but I have 65 women ,
¶ Conquering Fears and Embracing Change
more than that , because I probably have had probably 140 women now go through cool life over the seven years , because not everyone has stayed and new women come and some women leave , but even the women . I just had a conversation with a woman who was an OG . He had started with my partner . My partner had brought her in and we have .
She stopped writing for me two or three years ago . It wasn't working for her life and she was doing something else , business-wise . We talked last night . Yesterday afternoon she's coming back because we both realized it's time for her to come back and it's just so exciting when . So what I'm saying is that she's still part of my life and will be forever .
I have made a community of women , a friendship circle that is deep and meaningful . I'm forever grateful for that .
And it keeps growing . It keeps growing , jack . So let me also ask you what compelled you at 60 ? What happened to you in Istanbul ?
Oh my gosh . So it wasn't the Istanbul part as much as the Istanbul month allowed me to process . I believe I had been suffering from low-level depression for a few years after my son went to college . I didn't see it at the time , I didn't identify it as such , and it was low level enough that I seemed to be functioning as a normal human being .
It's just that I wasn't feeling joy . I was in the circumstances . I was going along , I was doing the stuff , I was checking the boxes , I was quote unquote showing up , but there was nothing going on in here . There was a disconnect , and that had been going on for a couple of years . And then my sister moved away from me , which was a huge impact .
I had a lifetime friendship that had been over 15 , 20 years . We grew , we raised our children together and she broke up with me . It just wasn't working for her anymore and we had a very adult conversation and I understood and we went our separate ways for now . But whoa , I didn't see that coming either .
I had a real big step back financially from a business venture that I was pursuing that threw me for a loop and I found myself really depressed . Yes , I started therapy , of course , but the therapy wasn't . The therapy was once a week . The therapy wasn't helping me on the other days and it wasn't helping me the other 23 hours a day , or whatever .
And so what I found ? I'm a writer . I've been a writer for a long time , but I have written mostly essays . I think you know that right , jack smack . Essays they're everywhere and there's hundreds out there , and it's usually about the trappings of midlife , and I write tongue in cheek and self-deprecating humor .
And I'm going to just add they're great . If anyone online finds them . They are delightful .
Thank you , I think they're pretty good . Yes .
Yes , they're great , but poetry is a whole other thing . What possessed you to write poetry ?
I just couldn't find the extra words .
And so , honestly , at this point , I even wrote a poem about why I wrote poems , which is basically that at this stage of the game , I am running out of time and I'm running out of words and I'd much rather it's like the Mark Twain quote sorry for such the long letter , I didn't have time to write you a shorter , one long letter , I didn't have time to
write you a shorter one . My perspective now is if I can move you , if I can help you , if I can empower you , if I can make you feel something , feel less alone , if you can relate and I've done it in a four-line stanza rather than a two or three hundred word or 300 word paragraph well , bully for me .
It's an intellectual and emotional challenge that , as a writer , I really wanted to try and believe that I've been successful .
And what do you give to women in those poems ? When a woman is reading those poems , what do you want them to feel ?
Seen , not alone , these feelings , these emotions , these dilemmas , these quirks , these guffaws that I write about in these short stanzas . I really believe they are archetypal , meaning all women will be able to relate to them in a different way . But these are universal rites of passages .
Ladies , we all go through them , and I just chose to process mine verbally , in a written word , in an art form that's old and kind of antiquated and not very popular . And so , in order to combat that , in case people were like , oh , I don't want to read poetry , guess what , beverly , you don't have to read it .
In case people were like , oh , I don't want to read poetry , guess what , beverly , you don't have to read it , because each poem has a QR code that I've attached to it .
And so while you're , while you have the book in your hand or the ebook on your Kindle , if you want , you can put your camera up to the QR code and all of a sudden , I'm in your ear and you can hear me read the poem to you .
That is so beautiful and I have to try that . That is so unique . That's wonderful . I love it . I love it . You don't even have to read the whole book . It's there and it goes to your heart .
And it's short . It's 30 poems . I did it in 30 days . I did a poem a day . That was my challenge and it is . They're short , but boy , oh boy , they're short but they're compact , meaning every word counts . And so far , the women , the reviews I'm getting are . They're filling my heart .
It's doing what it did for me and it's doing it for other women and I'm just , I'm thrilled . I'm thrilled that that's what's happening , beautiful .
What advice would you give to women in midlife who feel that they don't know what's next for them ? They're just uncertain , they're afraid , like you were back in the day .
Oh , I'm still afraid . I don't know what's coming tomorrow . I don't even know what's coming after I get off this podcast interview . No fear , I actually have a poem about fear . I write it as a metaphor about taming a lion . So basically , fear is this lion and we need to tame it . Fear is really okay . I live with fear every day .
Fear is a good dose of fear will keep you alive , so that's not a bad thing to have . But here's what I would tell you I didn't know I was gonna write poems . I didn't know I was gonna write poems when I was in my teens , 20s , 30s , 40s , 50s . I didn't even know I was gonna write poems when I turned 60 . It all happened . That's the thing .
How exciting is life ? Right , as long as we're breathing vertical and a modicum of health ? We have to stay healthy , right , and I know that gets a little more challenging and healthy when I say modicum of health , because I have all sorts of things that don't work , but overall it seems to be functioning . We can do anything .
We can be open to all sorts of new things . I have no idea what's going to come next , because if you told me now that five years from now I'm going to be oil painting , I would have to say , oh , maybe I don't know , because I don't know .
I would have told you there's no way I would have ever written poetry , and now I have this book with my name on it , you know , yeah . So what I would tell your audience is enjoy the surprise and don't sell yourself short .
Just go , for it is what I'm hearing and that's what you're doing . Thank you , jack . Thank you , jacqueline . Paris is a poet , a pro-aging advocate and the founder of cool life , a platform for normalizing aging . She has a passion for travel and at 60 , she became a poet , so resilience and reinvention is all a part of her game .
Metamorphosis in Stanzas is her debut book of poems , capturing themes of love , loss and renewal , while inviting you to embrace the beauty of change . And here's some takeaways from this episode Midlife is a launchpad for reinvention . You do not need to slow down . Embrace your challenges .
They provide you with opportunities for growth and it's never too late to go after something that lights you up . If you've been relating to this episode , think about what joy you can bring into your life . Perhaps it's by reigniting an artistic passion , stepping out of your comfort zone , or just to stop waiting for someday and follow that dream .
For similar episodes on embracing resilience , check out episode 99 and 106 on aging with purpose and passion . And if you've enjoyed this episode , you might also like Fit , strong Women Over 50 . That's a podcast for the Becoming Ellie community , where fit and strong women over 50 .
That's a podcast for the Becoming Ellie community where fit and strong women over 50 inspire and encourage each other through motivational stories to keep you on your goals , and you can find them at wwwbecomingelliecom . And Ellie is spelt E-L-L-I and that will also be in the show notes . So , jack , where can people find more about you and more about your book ?
What are those links ?
You can find me on cool life dot com , and cool is spelled a little cattywampus , beverly , you know this . It is not spelled with a C , ladies , it is spelled with a K , and so that is K-U-E-L lifecom , and there you can get to me there easily . I'm all over that .
And if you go to the about page you'll see the list of our thought leaders , and so if you're looking for resources , that's a great page to go to . But also you can find more about my book on therealjacksmackcom . But you can get to it through Cool Life . So if you go to Cool Life you can get to everything .
But if you just happen to remember Jack Smack , it's therealjacksmackcom .
Because all her links , every single one of them Instagram , everywhere on social . They're going to be in the show notes and they're on my site too , and that's reinventedpossiblecom . And now , my friends , what's next for you ? Are you just going through the motions or are you really passionate about your life ?
Get my free checklist from stuck to unstoppable to turn your life around , and that link will also be in the show notes below . You can connect with me , beverly Glazer , on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook .
That's Women Over 50 Rock , and if you're looking for guidance in your own transformation , I invite you to explore reinventimpossiblecom . Thank you for listening . Have you enjoyed this conversation ? Subscribe so you don't miss the next one , and send this episode to a friend . Always remember you only have one life , so live it with purpose and passion .
Thank you for joining us . You can connect with Bev on her website , reinventimpossiblecom and , while you're there , join our newsletter subscribe so you don't miss an episode . Until next time , keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life .