Finding Strength in Adversity: Caren Paskel’s Path to Self-Belief

In today's episode , I'm joined by Caren Paskel , a best-selling author , speaker and founder of Karen Paspo , self-evolution , youthful Longevity and the Self-Evolution Education Foundation . Karen has dedicated her career to guiding others towards self-mastery . Get ready to be inspired by this conversation and learn how to live with intention .

Embrace your inner strength and step into your next chapter Welcome .

So I kind of stayed to myself and watched . I was called the little pitcher with big ears and I kind of took everything in . I was very quiet and I also my nature was artistic . I was creative as a child and I loved projects and arts , doing things on my own versus playing games with kids so and I was also athletic .

Those were the two things , but I loved doing things by myself . So you know , it was pretty easy to be in my little creative zone and that's kind of . You know where that started for me . And could you ask the question again ?

It was a friend of the family who had a studio and I went and took the class and it was really outstanding . So I don't think I had much spiritual understanding before that , even though I went to Sunday school , even though I , you know , we went to temple . That didn't draw me in .

It wasn't until yoga class that I met myself in a different way , and so that's when the spirituality began . It was like I had this introverted nature , I had this creative side , but the spiritual part and aspect from within wasn't recognized until I was about 16 . And immediately when that was turned on , that really shifted me inward .

I just wanted more and more of that peacefulness and I was drawn to kind of questioning what is this and where can I find it outside of the yoga class , you know ? So that opened me up to this whole new world .

journey of evolution . But at the time of my first husband I really didn't love myself . My self-worth was so low and so , because there was this other person who loved me so much , that was why I said yes to being in a relationship with that person , even though it was so unhealthy for me . It filled the void of I don't love myself , but this person does .

I was really on the spiritual journey . So I grew a lot in that relationship and I outgrew the relationship pretty fast , especially when I got into the philosophy of yoga and understanding the universal laws of life . Of yoga and understanding the universal laws of life .

That really changed everything for me and I realized I no longer could be in an unhealthy relationship if I wanted to love myself and grow and that was stunting my growth . So that was a big let go and release for me . That took over eight years because I knew this person was wrong for me at the very beginning .

And so now in my life , if I know anything is out of alignment , I don't wait eight minutes , I know right away , because that will take even longer and get harder the more you keep it , you know . So when I was free for a while , single , it allowed me to really learn how to love myself , to be more independent in my love .

I went through a dating phase and I kind of got over it and was like you know what I just enjoy being on my own . I'm not going to do these apps and people setting me up and all the things and meeting all these people , my yoga students not a good idea . I'm just going to , I'm happy alone . Like this is frustrating and it's kind of stressful .

And as soon as I had that detached mentality , that's exactly when I had one more date lined up from maybe a month ago , where I had met someone who seemed nice and we had planned to meet . I kind of forgot about it and he reached out and was like hey , we were supposed to meet .

I kind of forgot about it and he reached out and was like hey , you know we were supposed to meet , do you still want to ? And I was like , yeah , okay , Because it was . It was in a public event , it was an arts event , like a music , and it would be fun anyways , just to go , and I just didn't care anymore if .

If it worked out or not , I'm like I'm just going to go have this experience and if it doesn't , if it's not good , then I'll just enjoy the day by myself and say goodbye . Well , what happened was he appeared . I remember seeing him a little bit of distance off and I think he saw me and we met eyes and his face just lit up .

His smile was so big and I just got a smile on my face and the first thing he said to me was that you look way better in person . So it was just really funny . And he had this confidence in this air about him that I recognized the energy from afar , this belief in himself . That's all I can say .

You know this , this determination and this perseverance within , and it was so , um , it was radiating and it was just I wanted to be around that and I knew that that was something I was lacking that self-confidence and that , um , that just that drive . He had it and that belief in himself . So it was really love at first sight .

I mean , I've never experienced anything like it from that moment on . That was it . We were together all the time . Within one year , we were engaged . Within two years , we were married and we , like we , I think we prolonged the engagement . He just wanted to take me off the market .

But this man came from completely different side of the tracks , very different upbringing . He was 12 years younger than me , so huge differences .

But the main thing that the both of us had was that we both just wanted to keep growing ourselves , even if it was in different ways or different modes , or maybe he listened to different speakers and podcasts and teachers , but we had those elements in our life and we just constantly wanted to keep expanding ourselves .

And for me , I knew that I needed someone like him to do so , to move me in some of the ways that I was hiding and staying really small .

And I know that he needed me in a lot of ways to have that love and support from somebody that he didn't really have from kind of a broken up family and be on his own , so young , having to take care of his brothers and sisters . So I was really stable and grounded for him and I think he needed that source of love and light . So we were really .

We complimented each other and it was . We were just off to the races . I mean , it was just a fairy tale . You know all of it , all of every part of the beginning stages and our wedding , and , and it just was incredible , and our businesses , we were opening businesses at the same time . So wow , wow , wow , and then you know we'll get to the next part .

I'm sure you have a question about it .

is listening .

So we weren't together all the time , which is why we were both so happy , because then when we were together , it was quality time . So we had a really incredible relationship and I don't think either of us had ever experienced anything like it and everything was going so well .

My business was going so well , his business was going so well and we were both in the beginning stages . We bought our first home together and we were living in that home . We actually he surprised me . He wasn't really a big dog lover . I had two dogs One of them passed away and he surprised me with a Great Dane puppy .

This is my all time like favorite fantasy dog and he's actually with me right now . He's still alive , onyx . So that's really lovely that I got to have him and Onyx was only two weeks I think we brought him home . He might have been 10 weeks old , so two weeks been with us and my husband came inside from grilling some chicken .

He had told me that he felt weird , like his right hand felt a little numb or tingly and you know he worked out a lot .

Also , like the night before it was Father's Day , we had a lot of company , it was hot outside , he had some drinks , so I thought maybe he was a little dehydrated and I said , well , you know , it's Sunday , it's Father's Day , you know , let's wait a minute , I'll get out of the shower .

And if you're not feeling well , we know it's Sunday , it's it's father's day , you know , let's , let's wait a minute , I'll get out of the shower and if you're not feeling well , we'll go to the hospital .

So when I came downstairs , he came inside and he just , I remember I was on one side of the gated kitchen and he was on the other , bringing the tray , the kind of passing it to me he started convulsing and I , yeah , and I just I thought it was a joke . Like I said to him are you , is this a joke ? Like , are you joking ?

And because I was , did not , you know , I didn't know what was happening , I managed , I don't even know how it was like subconscious mind just came over right and acted . It was like I grabbed the tray somehow , put it on somewhere . I had my phone in my hand , he I couldn't catch him . He was over 200 pounds . He smashed into the wall and fell .

His nose was bleeding , his mouth was foaming and he was hardly breathing . It was like a like a forced breath . I thought I thought he was dying . So I had I called . I said Siri , call 911 . And I got 911 on the phone . She guided me through some steps . By the time EMS came he was regaining consciousness .

And so then they had said they thought it was a seizure . I thought still dehydration , I had no idea what was coming . We went to get you know , went to the hospital . He got a CAT scan and they said it showed a mass in his brain . And at the time the only person who was available was his best friend , matt , who lived near that hospital .

And he came and met me and he said to me Karen , I think I know what this is . And he said my mom died of brain cancer . And I just said no , that's not it , that's there's no . Like I didn't believe him , I started panicking and crying and I just said no . I called my sister . She said Karen , just take a breath , you don't have any information .

He got an MRI and it showed an orange size tumor in his brain . So we didn't know if it was cancer . We didn't know anything more . We just had to get the brain tumor removed . So he had the surgery and then we found out that it was not benign , but it wasn't the worst grade or stage either . It was called brain cancer , but it was a grade two .

I think it was an astrocytoma , and what they said is it was kind of confusing , but they said we will just monitor it , he doesn't need any treatment , let's see how things go . He'll have to be on anti-seizure meds . You'll have to drive him for six months and if he doesn't have a seizure then he can drive all this stuff .

So the surgery went well and he actually . I mean , it was complicated , there was so much healing to be had and so much to deal with with the medications and the rehab . But he did really well because he was young and he was strong , he was only 28 . And so he really was fighting hard to get his life back and his health back .

And and then you know , we thought everything was going to be good and we were hoping for the best , because every MRI showed better and better results and the tumor shrinking and shrinking to the last little bit which they thought might've just been scar tissue , and at that one year mark he started to have some symptoms and he started not to feel right .

He didn't want to get an MRI . We had planned a huge trip overseas and he just said I'm going to call the doctor and see if I can postpone the MRI because if something's wrong we're not going to go on this trip . And I want to go on the trip no matter what , because that's how he was right Live your life to its fullest . Kind of a person .

Every day matters and it could be your last . So we went on this trip to South Africa . We started in Amsterdam , we ended in Paris and it was very chaotic . He was struggling and the whole time having seizure symptoms . He had a seizure at one point , scared me to death . I had to drive . I had to learn how to drive a stitch shift there .

He taught me because he couldn't use his right hand and I was basically just stressed in survival mode . The whole trip I did my best to take care of myself but there was no one we knew there . There was no help anywhere . No hospitals , nothing , no doctors that I knew to help him .

So , if anything happened , I just felt very , very alone , and so a matter it could have been weeks , and that was you know had to be taken out immediately . Another surgery , and the news was the worst news , at least that's what you know .

We were told hey , this is a grade four glioblastoma , you have nine to 12 months to live with treatment , and so that was pretty much , I think , the most devastating life-shifting moment that I had , because it was just nothing I had ever thought could ever happen , especially him being so young and having no prior health issues and everything going the way that it

was . So that really jolted us even more . And , yeah , so that's .

health issues I mean the health issues take priority , but you had businesses together you had to keep your life together . How were you able to manage those both sides of what was going on ?

I lost , you know , maybe 10 grand , because I'd already put money down , and it was worth it , though , to not have that extra stress and work . We didn't know the pandemic was coming either , so when , when David got diagnosed only a few months into this with the second tumor , the pandemic hit , so I had to shut down my studio .

I ended up closing another one , the one that was open . It was almost easier because I didn't have to manage so much with the pandemic . The studio was closed down and I taught yoga classes online , and that's just how I kept it going classes online , and that's just how I kept it going .

But there was , you know , a lot of people forego all their responsibilities to take care of somebody , and that can actually be more stressful , because you need to keep yourself focused on some other aspect other than what's going on . That's a challenge , because that will help you face the challenge . So when I taught a yoga class , it saved me .

It helped me refocus on the fact that this isn't my only and everything that I have . I also have my own life . I also have these abilities to teach and help others and I have , you know , talents and gifts to share , and that was a way of caring for myself . So I asked for a lot of help .

Lots of teachers took my classes , but I wanted to still do work , and when I could , I did . And when I needed to take some time and he needed more of me or we had to travel because we had to go to Duke University , then I did that . So I really .

It was , you know , juggling , but I learned so much about self-care that , even though it changed , even though I couldn't have a five-hour morning like I have now , to just take as much time as I need with all my spiritual disciplines , I still managed to practice my meditation and my movement and my studies in the morning , even if it was 20 minutes or five

minutes . And then I also have dogs , so it forced me to go outside and walk and breathe the fresh air and make sure that I kept myself up , because , you're right , there were so many things on my plate that he couldn't even help with anymore and I was really just navigating alone .

And so one of the things I had to open up to is asking for more help than I even wanted , because I didn't want to be bombarded by the families , and there's just so many families . He had two sides and I have mine .

I have Jewish families , so you know what that's like , and it's just lots of everyone wants to know everything every second , and so I had to start sending emails and just say please stop texting me . So I set a lot of healthy boundaries . That was one way to help myself through . All of this is to say when you text me and say , how are you ?

That makes me feel overwhelmed because I'm never just doing great here and so I don't know what to say to that . Or when you say how's David doing ? Let me just send you an email and give you an update weekly when I have time , so all of you are in the loop . Please don't send me questions . Please don't send me anything sad , that doesn't help me .

Funny things . I asked for what I needed . I was really strong , and David helped me with that because he was that epitome of self-belief . So there was this shift that started to happen when he got sick and he couldn't be all that he could be . I kind of decided okay , I'm going to tap into this confidence , this belief in myself .

I can do way more than I thought , I can be way more than I thought , and I'm just going to tap in to this ultimate resourcefulness within me , but also the network that I have around me . Because why is it , why is a network important if you don't ever call onto your network when you really need it right ?

So I think one of the things that people love about my yoga classes because I'm not like one of the greatest , you know , technical anatomical yoga teachers but it's my authenticity anatomical yoga teachers but it's my authenticity and I really share my story and I share the truth about what's going on to help connect with my students , because I know they're universal

themes and so I never held what was going on in , I just let it all out . I really became more visible and transparent in my teaching . I talked about what was happening with me , what was happening at home , and everyone knew what was going on .

So instead of like kind of pretending that everything was okay or saying , oh , I don't want to like burden anyone , I shared the truth and people were grateful and thankful . But what I noticed the most is that when you share what's really going on , that's how people know how to treat you and know how to help you , because you've let them know .

And so I was out in the open and I felt so much more loved and supported , rather than like holding it all in and then dumping it out in other ways or just you know , that was my way of releasing and it felt good , but it also helped other people . I got so many people to say thank you for sharing .

I'm going through the same thing , or I didn't even know people were in the same situation that I would have never known , or they just lost a loved one , or wow , your resiliency , you're inspiring me , or how can I help ?

So the community was a lifeline , it always has been , and I had that before he even got sick , which was vital , and I held on to it even through the pandemic . I'm still . I still have my community , I'm still creating community , so it is a huge aspect for healing and support

in my life .

They don't even want to scale down from their homes to an apartment . How did you get your head around letting go ?

So when David came along , he just he didn't gently like , he like really , because I didn't , I the gentle wouldn't have worked for me . He had to put his foot down and just say you need to go do this , like . Or if I was complaining about something , he'd just be like stop complaining and go do this .

He was a doer in the sense of not like busy , busy , hurry , worry . He was just like this is my dream , so I'm going to go take action to get it and make it happen and I'm not going to procrastinate and hesitate . So I used to just be like I really want , you know , to be this amazing person and to reach my potential and to live in Colorado .

But I stayed small because it protected me . I wouldn't get hurt , I wouldn't have to deal with this uncertainty , the unknown and all the things right that I have to now work through , because there was so much dealing with David's businesses when he died was . I mean , that took years to deal with .

And then the house was not even the house that we were supposed to stay in and we were supposed to flip this home . So I ended up with this huge , huge , massive house with both of our businesses that we closed down stored in the house .

So it's taken me well a full year just to remove all of that from my home , layer after layer after layer , and dealing with the house and all the problems that it had to even put it on the market and sell it .

Most people would just be like I'll just stay put , you know , and but I believe in myself so much that's really what it is that I know that I'm worthy of living my dreams and I know that my soul , that's what my soul desires . So , tapping into that and thinking about always , I think about what would David say , what would David do ?

Because when he was with me it was so much easier to go big because I had a partner . So that's what I have to really envision as I meditate on it and I talk to him all the time . He gives me signs all the time because I'm tuned into it and so I don't feel alone .

I feel like we're doing this together and now even more so , I really have a desire to live out my full potential . For him , to honor his life , because I'm like he had 30 years here how can I honor those 30 years ? He wanted to really change the world . How can I honor that ? By being the best version and living the best life and inspiring others .

So if I don't move myself , that's the question really how can I move someone else ? So , making these bigger moves ? I feel empowered to share that . You can do it too . If I did this , so scared I'm all alone . Somehow , some way , I made this move happen . I got rid of everything . I only brought my clothes .

I have nothing so that I could just move into a fully furnished rental , because simplification it's . It is easier and more conducive and enables freedom , and that's that's the ultimate . I just want freedom , right , I think we all do , and that comes from within you and understanding what you need to really thrive

, and it could be a whole different environment , and if it is , I encourage you . It's not going to be easy , but when you get there I could cry because I'm here right , because I spoke to you , beverly . We had our little intro meeting before I was here . So now we're meeting and it's like that just a few weeks . And I made it .

And when I step outside and I see the mountains , I cry , because this is always a place I wanted to be .

And I stopped waiting for the permission and what everyone thought and wanted of me and I just said no , if David was here , he would say I don't really care about what anyone else wants me to do or thinks we're going to do this , because this is what we know is right for us . And so that's what I did .

And again , it's about expanding myself and I felt that where I was in my environment , I had outgrown it , I knew it and I was stuck , like you were saying . I felt like I couldn't grow fuller and be healthier and happier . I never I don't set a bar for my happiness and healthiness . I threw the bar away . There's no more bar . It's just .

Every day there's more room to grow till the end . If tomorrow's my last day , then so be it , but today I'm going to grow , and so that's just . That's just how I roll now .

There is so much stress , so much anger , but what you have throughout this whole thread is love , love , love , love , love , and so what you've done was turn these difficult times into blessings . And how can you encourage other women to do the same ?

But there's a lot of teachings that I believe will be very , very helpful , and one of the power thoughts in my books is seeing the blessings that are in disguise . And so I have been in a position where I haven't seen the blessings and in that position I am stressed , I am sorrowful .

There is lack of luster and joy in my life and I decided that's not how I want to live . When I choose to see the blessings in life , it's amazing how many more blessings come from that . And now that's all I see . Even in the challenge , even in the chaos , even in the storm , I always know there's a silver lining .

I'm always grateful because there's pairs of opposites and that challenge I'm going to grow from , I'm going to learn from , I'll be guided in some way , shape or form . I just see life as an opportunity . Now there is no challenge , it's just okay . What do I have to learn here ? And I'm so thankful for this opportunity to grow .

So I just made a choice and you know , I think anybody can , that's how I mentor my clients is just to help reframe the brain , the neuroplasticity , to change how we look at it , Because usually people grow up and they're , you know , in lack , and when you're in lack all the time you don't see the blessings .

You're in that scarcity and that shuts down your reception and your abundance . But as soon as you come into that gratitude , it's like you start to become grateful for just everything .

First , believe in yourself . It's the key to overcoming challenges and creating lasting change . Balance set boundaries mind , body and spirit . This builds for resilience and whenever life goes up and down and life's toughest moments , open up opportunities for growth .

If you've been relating to this episode , think of one small thing that you can do to brighten up your life . Perhaps it's writing positive affirmations , embracing a hobby , learning a new skill , practicing yoga and meditation , just to give yourself some balance and calm .

For similar episodes on reinventing yourself after grief and loss , please check out episode 108 and 121 on aging with purpose and passion . And if you've enjoyed this episode , you may also like Women Over 70 Aging Reimagined . These are stories that shatter the myth that we become irrelevant as we age . That link , by the way , it's in the show notes too .

So , karen , where can people learn more about you and find out about your book ?

I have a wonderful community with so many beautiful opportunities ageless health tips , youthful longevity masterclass . So please find me . It's called the Community for Self-Transformation and Beverley will have the links for you . And , yeah , I'd love to connect with anybody who's interested .

beneath this episode . And now , my friends , what's next for you ? Are you going through the motions or are you really passionate about your life ? Get from stuck to unstoppable . A free checklist to unlock your full potential and that link is also in the show notes too .

You can connect with me , Beverly Glazer , on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook . That's Women Over 50 Rock . And if you're looking for guidance in your own life , I invite you to explore reinventedpossiblecom . Thank you for listening . Have you enjoyed this conversation ?

Please drop a review , share it with a friend and always remember that you only have one life , so live it with purpose and passion .