Since Kelly's extremely awkward relationship with Matt isn't taking up much of her time, she can seek fulfillment in other areas of her life -- like the store! Suddenly remembering that she's supposed to be in charge of business affairs, she gets the idea of hiring a publicist. Donna gets upset at the idea, nervous that taking any steps to push the business past "good" or fine" will lead to a level of success they can't rely on? It's confusing. But Kelly overrules her to throw a (re-)launch part...
Dec 03, 2018•43 min
Gina having learned that Felice is legally responsible for the theft of all her trust fund money, she takes the completely reasonable next step of pursuing legal action to recover the lost principal -- and Donna, who absolutely thought Gina should sue her trustee back when she thought the trustee was her bank, now takes it personally. (Present yet silent through all of this is Bobbi, the one who actually used all that stolen money for her own benefit, which is weird?) Donna doesn't love being in...
Nov 26, 2018•50 min
The Durnings having decided they'd prefer Lauren to be schizophrenia symptom-free in the short term than alive in the long term, they're going to ill-conceived lengths to try to track down clozapine without a prescription. Kelly, veteran of the Clinic Clinic, thinks she can help solve their problem with an illicit trip south of the border, and who better to bankroll the scheme and act as her bodyguard than Dylan? That Dylan's relationship with Gina is undefined at the moment makes him extra-flir...
Nov 19, 2018•39 min
You may thing that "Beheading St. Valentine" will save you from any further angst in your relationship. Not in the zip! All the established couples start out cozy with a brunch at the Walsh house at which the reunited Durnings are holding forth about their marriage -- until Kelly shows up with a sleeping bag for Steve and makes everyone feel awkward because, you know, she obviously wasn't invited. Kelly continues whining about Matt to anyone who will listen, which ends up being Dylan and no one ...
Nov 12, 2018•44 min
Steve's latest brilliant idea for the Beverly Beat is less about attracting readers and more about attracting gawkers, with "attracting" being the operative word: he wants to copy British tabloids by having cheesecake photos on Page 3 -- though at least he's not prepared for the Beat's models to be topless; bikinis will be just fine! To prepare for a publicity stunt announcing the initiative, he parks it in front of a sun lamp -- in the office, because why not -- which is when Janet notices an i...
Nov 05, 2018•41 min
A scandalous round of strip poker touches off a prank war among three of the gang's least clever members: Noah, Steve, and Donna. (David also gets swept up in it, briefly, but only incidentally; mainly, he's occupied chasing after a D-girl Peach Pit patron who may be trying to blow him off.) When the battle takes down a health inspector, Donna and Steve are forced to figure out at what point STUFF must give way to taking legal responsibility like adults. Dylan embarks upon his community service,...
Oct 28, 2018•53 min
Having -- through sheer luck -- not killed Donna, Dylan decides he is ready to accept his friends' help in getting help for his heroin addiction. Unfortunately, he's not actually on Intervention and has to spend a night waiting for his bed in a treatment facility to be ready, which gives him just enough time to wake up in the middle of the night, pretend to take a shower, and actually slides out the bathroom window instead. During the manhunt, Kelly fights with Matt about whether she's actually ...
Oct 22, 2018•39 min
Dylan's junkie logic leads him to decide his roommate's order that he get his illegally purchased gun out of the home they share just means he can wait until dark, put it in his pants, drive it over to the Marchette manse, and threaten its occupant. Unfortunately, Tony doesn't live there anymore -- nor, spoiler, does he live anywhere -- and the freaked-out victims of his home invasion call his motorcycle license plate in to the cops, who quickly pick him up. Do they find his drugs on him? Of cou...
Oct 15, 2018•45 min
We may not have previously understood how committed Gina is to the project of messing with Donna until this episode, in which she reinvents herself as a personal trainer and starts working out with...Felice. She easily parlays their new intimacy into an invitation to a George luncheon hosted by a not-yet-dead (but still completely offscreen) John F. Kennedy Jr., which she makes sure to tell Donna about so that Donna feels good and slighted. It's a good thing Gina has something else to focus on, ...
Oct 08, 2018•37 min
The approaching yuletide holidays haven't given Dylan any more concern for either her busy schedule as the co-proprietress of a retail clothing store, nor for her relationship with a dude who isn't him. So with that in mind, of course he has no compunction about getting her on a private plane and flying her to Mexico for huevos rancheros, authentic sombreros, and a Mayan fertility statue into which he can stuff an extremely tiny amount of heroin. Gina takes a break from her suspicions about Soni...
Oct 01, 2018•48 min
Kelly spent all of "I'm Back Because" -- well, all except when she was making eyes at Dylan -- getting between her mother and her grandfather, to make sure her grandfather's legally documented wishes with regard to the end of his life were being followed. So naturally, in this episode, all Jackie has to do is call and ask Kelly to put her failing grandfather on a ventilator for Kelly to utterly disregard her legal responsibility. It seems to be mostly so that she has something to do this week --...
Sep 25, 2018•57 min
Since Gina doesn't have a job -- or an agent, even, despite what she's told Donna -- she's got nothing but time to devote to the new project she's pursuing post-Cabaret On Ice: Donna And Noah On The Rocks. When she's alone with Donna, she diligently shit-talks Noah (not that hard, given his many failings) to try to change Donna's mind about making their relationship work. And when she's alone with Noah, she suggests reasons it's not worth his trying to get back into Donna's good graces, what wit...
Sep 17, 2018•1 hr 9 min
With Noah continuing his downward spiral of regret and self-recrimination following his father's suicide, it turns out not to have been a great idea for him to buy a bar: he's drinking a lot, and driving drunk, and maybe hitting someone? Donna's distracted from her usual fussing by the arrival of her cousin Gina -- former Olympic figure skater, current Ice Capade star, and [touches earpiece] I'm being told she impulsively quits the Capades in the cold open and sets to her task of running game on...
Sep 10, 2018•53 min
It's time for Leah to have her day in court, and a custody settlement allowing Lenny basically unfettered access to their baby -- and, therefore, to Leah herself -- is obviously not the result she had hoped for. Enter Kelly, who's ready and willing to help Leah get out of the county on an assumed identity. Unfortunately for Leah, Kelly has no idea how to do any of that. On top of that, Noah's ongoing grief-induced self-destruction has Donna looking for comfort elsewhere, and since Matt is the gu...
Sep 03, 2018•54 min
Sophie's multifarious strategy to take over the entertainment industry leads her to consider working in adult films, despite all the great advice David's giving her about being patient and waiting her turn and paying her dues -- you know, like he did, which is why he's currently having such a successful career scoring movies LOL. Noah continues grieving his father in extremely drunken ways, and continues rebuffing all Donna's efforts to get him to talk to her about it, instead opening up to the ...
Aug 27, 2018•49 min
We kind of respected Sophie for having some skill as a con artist, but she really loses a lot of her prestige with her latest scheme: getting Steve to let her write for the Beat. Over Janet's objections (which: that'll teach her not to require that Brandon designate her editor when he's out of town/on his way out the show's door), Steve not only gives Sophie a column in which she can apparently write whatever she wants; he also thinks said column should be adorned by her head shot, and that its ...
Aug 20, 2018•56 min
Noah's father having killed himself, a significant portion of the episode is focused on Noah's grief. This is bad news for Vincent Young, who can't act, and worse news for us, who have to watch him as he gets morbidly obsessed with his late father's weapon, drinks to excess, and pushes away the help of the only person who cares about him. (The only person who cares about him -- Donna -- at least gets to break up her worrying with some work drama from an assistant who's All About Eve-ing her.) Va...
Aug 13, 2018•40 min
What's worse than surviving childhood sexual abuse from a parent who goes on to kill himself? When the primetime soap you're on is running out of ideas in its ninth season and makes you keep reliving it over and over and over again. Now, Val wants to tell Abby about the last days of Mr. Malone's life, but her attempts to get Abby alone for this rather serious conversation are immediately foiled when it turns out that Abby's brought her new boyfriend Carl to town with her -- and, it turns out, ha...
Aug 06, 2018•55 min
Brandon and Kelly mutually and amicably agreed to leave one another at the altar, and you know what that means. ...Oh, you do? Please tell them, because they're not sure. Kelly decides to invest a round of ex sex with meaning: she forgets all the reasons she and Brandon broke up, gets maudlin and regretful, and suggests to Brandon that they go ahead and take their honeymoon to Corsica together after all, leaving him to decide whether to go along with this to avoid confrontation -- you know, kind...
Jul 30, 2018•39 min
It's the week of Brandon and Kelly's wedding, and preparations are underway: Steve is getting excited for Sarah to meet all his friends at the reception, but she might not be ready to keep seeing him because some other friend of hers is breaking up with her boyfriend and splitting up all their books and furniture seems like a big hassle, or something? Donna has somehow landed the job of wedding planner, putting her in constant contact with Jacob the caterer. He's way into her, and it's coming at...
Jul 23, 2018•55 min
Since Kelly and Brandon have decided they really are definitely going through with their engagement and will absolutely get married, for sure , they've divided up the list of tasks required to plan their wedding. However, questions about the guest list and wedding registry are interspersed with their interactions with Alex, who meets Kelly when he brings to the clinic the woman whose baby he just delivered in his cab. Before seeking refugee status in the U.S., Alex was a doctor in Sarajevo. He h...
Jul 16, 2018•35 min
It's been a while since the show gave David something he could really be stressed out, so: time for him to get robbed at (possible) gunpoint while taking money out at an ATM. Noah's got the perfect solution: he should get a gun, like Noah did: he's got one behind the bar and one on his stupid boat! David starts the process, but he has to wait eleven days to take possession of his confidence and self-worth. Meanwhile, we don't have to wait long for evidence that Noah does need protection on his s...
Jul 09, 2018•42 min
Kelly's notions of feminism have, over the years, perplexed us in their inconsistency; "Skin Deep" compresses all her worst instincts and muddiest thinking in a single episode. Brandon has decided to write about the grand opening (heh) of Beverly Hills's first sex shop, which has already attracted protesters even before its manager has opened the doors. Among those protesters is Kelly, who is suddenly a sex-negative scold: she confronts Brandon in front of Steve and Muntz over the Playpen magazi...
Jul 02, 2018•42 min
It's been five years since the gang graduated from West Beverly High, and since someone at the network presumably had the sense to predict that this crew wasn't going to make it to their ten-year reunion, we're made to suffer through their stupid, pointless five -year reunion. No, that doesn't mean we get appearances from Brenda, Dylan, or DeadScott's restless ghost; only Gabrielle Carteris had nothing better to do, so Andrea returns to let us all know she's desperately unhappy and that her marr...
Jun 25, 2018•39 min
Somehow, a real journalist (named Peter Raitt) has become aware of Brandon's work in the Beverly Beat , and somehow, it's convinced him to partner with Brandon on a story about a proposed football stadium. Brandon is so busy sucking up, he doesn't notice that Kelly is in the midst of a crisis regarding Chris, an intellectually disabled man who works the night shift at the clinic but may have to give up his job now that his mother's work schedule has changed and she can no longer drive him. Kelly...
Jun 18, 2018•33 min
We all know that Brandon considers his job at the Beverly Beat a waste of his prodigious talents -- so much so that even after publicly reaffirming his commitment to it in the last episode, he's already prepared to edit the Beat on the side while joining the Los Angeles Chronicle as a reporter on the Metro desk. Somehow, despite being a journalist ostensibly focused on local news, it has entirely escaped his notice that the Chronicle 's reporters are striking, and that Brandon is only being offe...
Jun 11, 2018•39 min
So Kelly was all about getting that confused teen mother, Leanne, to take back the baby she abandoned at the clinic. But when that teen mother, Leanne, let Kelly know that, actually, leaving the baby was the right call, Kelly decided that, actually, Kelly should foster the baby...which is why, when Pam tells her that, actually , her agency has found a pair of qualified foster parents to take the baby, suddenly Kelly is a homophobe who doesn't think a baby should be raised in a household without ...
Jun 04, 2018•32 min
Brandon already took a giant dump all over journalistic ethics the last time the Beverly Beat chronicled David's music career, but that was when it was on the rise: perhaps Brandon's now trying to balance the scales by exploring the fallout from David's decision to pursue Jasper's Law's record deal minus...you know, Jasper. It seems as though Jasper knows what's behind The Rise And Rise Of David Silver, though, so Brandon must pursue the allegation that David's stupid song got so much radio play...
May 28, 2018•46 min
In show time, Noah raped Valerie less than a week ago, so of course, now they're in court as Val pursues her civil case against him. Val's lawyer is confident that the facts make Noah a poor defendant -- the poor little rich boy who got drunk and had sex with a woman who wasn't his girlfriend (anymore) -- but Noah's lawyer knows some things about Val, like that she faked a pregnancy before Noah even knew her, and got arrested for bookmaking in the extremely recent past. Reputations are tarnished...
May 21, 2018•38 min
When Val makes a charge of rape against Noah, how do her friends react? Well, inasmuch as they are generally terrible friends to her, they're pretty much all awful. Kelly is sure Val's only in it for the payday. Steve ties the incident back to her fake-pregnancy extortion scheme. Brandon's not sure what to think, but believing a woman isn't exactly his default position. Donna actually manages to give Valerie the benefit of the doubt, though it's hard to know whether that's because every boyfrien...
May 14, 2018•52 min
