Chapter Eighteen

dark and there'd been no one waiting for her. That strategy hadn't worked. The day after that, doctor Brandt had even tried to send her home early. Sasha had talked him out of it, but not out of sending her back downtown at the normal time. She was sure her driver must have noticed how anxious she was. By the time they reached the main drag, she was drenched in

sweat her hands were shaking. She asked him to drop her off a half block down from the normal spot so she could enter the square from the left side and get a good look at who was hanging out near the House of Miriam. Alexander had been there, of course, sitting out in front of a building two doors down from the house, along with one of his friends. Avoiding them had brought her to the Cafe Clement, and then something she could only assume was God's providence had bumped

her into a manual. He was sweet and fun to talk to, and it was actually refreshing to have a conversation with some one who didn't constantly quote scripture or past her mike. She was surprised at herself for feeling that way. A few weeks ago, she'd have given anything to have an open conversation about her beliefs, but now that she was deep within the Kingdom, it was nice

to talk about normal things with a normal boy. The next day had brought her back to the hospital, which was filled with wounded soldiers from an air strike on a troop transport. Sasha had spent nine hours without a break helping doctor Brandt cut clothing off of horribly burned young men. She'd applied slick, gummy burned dressings and changed ivy drips of pain killers. The day was long, bloody, and brutal. Four men died in front of her eyes, and there was no time to really think about it.

She knew that she should have been more horrified at what she was seeing. But the exposed organs and burnt, shriveled limbs didn't feel like parts of people. Even the screams felt more like rhode hazards or bad weather than damaged pieces of human beings. They were obstacles to be dealt with. She and doctor Brandt dealt with them well.

A still small voice in the back of her mind recoiled in horror at the sheer volume of human misery she saw that day, But that voice was quieter than it had been on other days, and it grew quieter as the day went on and the death toll mounted. Sasha had read about post traumatic stress disorder back in school. She understood the mechanics of it. The people tended to cope with terrifying situations by suppressing their fear. But this didn't feel like that. It felt like she was just

doing her job, and she enjoyed her job. Before she knew it, ten hours had gone by, and doctor Brandt demanded she find a ride back to the House of Miriam and get some rest. That was the first time in the entire day when Sasha felt truly scared. It started in her chest, her heart fluttered faster and faster, until the flutter turned to a pounding so loud it felt like someone was smashing a hammer on the inner

walls of her cranium. She pressed her back hard into the seat of the jeep and hoped her growing panic wasn't obvious to the driver. He dropped her off on the other side of the square again. She didn't see Alexander or his comrades near the House of Miriam this time, but she knew that didn't mean they weren't watching the place. She had plans to meet Emmanual again anyway. Sasha half expected him to have moved on since she'd been so late, but he was there, standing out in front of the

Cafe Clement when she arrived. I'm sorry, I'm so late, she said. He shrugged in response, I just got here myself. They dismissed us late. We had a special lecture before dinner about a His face grew red and he trailed off about what she poked. Maybe let's just sit down first, huh. So they found a seat and ordered their coffee. Manny tried to change the subject by asking Sasha about her day, but she was curious about his reaction and would not

be dissuaded. I'll tell you all about my day if you tell me about that lecture and why just thinking about it made your face go red. He grew redder and stared down into his coffee. Pastor came over to lecture us about our duty and helping the heavenly kingdom grow. You know our duty, Emmanual gave her a significant look. She gathered his meaning, and then she blushed too. That's uh why they bust us out here every day, he continued.

It's so we can get to know the local women and then get to know them in the biblical sense. She laughed in spite of herself. I think that was the first off color joke I've heard in weeks. It felt good and risque. It was actually the same sort of thrill she'd gotten back home when she'd sneakily read issues of Revelator and browsed the media feeds of various martyrs brigades. You know, Emmanual, she said, You're not quite like anyone else I've met here. It's nice to meet

someone who wasn't afraid to joke. I didn't think i'd missed that. He was quiet for a little while Manny stirred his coffee awkwardly cast his eyes down, he went paler, you seem different too, I dunno this place. Maybe it's not exactly what we thought it would be. She should have gotten angry at that. It was the kind of common that could have gotten a manual into a lot of trouble. Why would he say that to me, she wondered? And why am I okay with all this? Maybe it

was Marigold rubbing off on her. Maybe it was just gradual disillusionment, the climax of a process that had started with Alexander's betrayal. But the Heavenly Kingdom no longer felt magical or even all that wholly. It's complicated here, she finally said. I mean, before I came here, I knew it couldn't be perfect no places, but yes, it's not what I'd hoped to find exactly. Sasha felt a spike of panic as soon as the words left her mouth. You barely know this man, Sasha. His whole job might

be ferrying out potential disloyalty. She coughed and tried to walk her admission back a little. It's still better than the st f or any of the other Heathen states, I have to keep telling myself that what's important is what we're fighting for, not the imperfections we have to live with. In this moment, hum he gave an on committal grunt that surprised her. She hadn't expected anything specific exactly, but that surprised her. He started to say something else,

then his eyes went wide. Who he started to say? Sasha heard boot falls. She felt the presence of several tall men behind her. The heavy, familiar scent of Alexander's cologne filled her nostrils. Madyr Emmanuel Sanchez, Miss Sasha, may the blessings of the lawd be with you and also with you, Sascha replied by rote. Emmanuel chimed in a second or two later. He sounded a bit awkward, like he wasn't exactly sure which words to use. Alexander pulled up a chair and set it against the right side

of the table. He sat down, placing himself between them. He rested one arm on the table, but his left arm hung directly over his side arm. He looked at Emmanuel, smiled, and then looked at Sasha. She felt a wave of nausea grabbed her by the guts and tug. His lips curled up, revealing his straight white teeth. Excuse me, Manny said, but who are you? Alexander looked back to Manny, his

expression unchanged. Mata, Alexander du Bois. I'm a friend of Sasha's, he glanced back at her with a wink that curdled her stomach. And I'm also in charge of recruitment for the Storming Battalion. Never heard of it, Emmanuel said in a gruff, clipped tone. Sasha realized she was shaking a little. Alexander's lips curled up into an even more ghoulish variant of his already unsettling smile. He replied, there's a reason for that, Mada Sanchez. The Storming Battalion plays a key

role in our success on the battlefield. They've been central in every one of our victory. We don't publicize their work for various reasons, but I assure you it's a distinct honor to be recruited by me. That's actually why I'm here, Emmanuel. We've chosen you. By now, it felt like the pit of Sasha's stomach was boiling. Something terrible was clearly happening, even Emmanual seemed to realize that his face had gone pale. His pupils were the size of

dinner plates. I ah, thank you for the honor, but I'm happy with my unit. I feel that's where the Lord needs me. My friend Aaron Alexander put a hand up, flat palm facing Emmanual. Your comrade will be taken care of, and we'll be the judges of where the Lord needs you. Trust me, We've got a lot more experience interpreting his will than you do. There's a reason the cross flies over this entire city. Emmanuel half stood in his chair. It was a sudden gesture, and a faintly aggressive one.

Sasha noticed his hands were bawled up into fists. His eyes darted left and right. He seemed to be looking over the heads of Alexander and his men. Alexander tensed. Both the men put hands over their side arms, but Emmanuel didn't take any further action. After a few turns of his head, he stopped looking, relaxed his hands, and sat back down. Okay, he said, I get the feeling you want me to go with you now. Alexander smiled. It was a vicious, oily thing, and it confirmed in

Sasha's heart that he had something terrible planned. Yes, that's exactly what I want. He cocked his head up and pursed his lips in an exaggerated gesture of consideration. Well, actually, I want you to go with these men. I need to stay here and have a wood with Sasha. Emmanuel looked into her eyes. He was scared clearly, but he kept his voice steady when he spoke, Sasha, I've got to go do my duty find errand for me. Will you tell him I am wish him the best, and

I hope to see him soon. He put definite emphasis on that last word, and then he gave Sasha a very deliberate nod before he stood and stepped towards Alexander's men. Take him to the factory for his intake process, and I'll be along. Showtly, Alexander said. He put a hand on Emmanuel's forearm as the young man passed by, and said, you should give a prayer of thanks, brother, God has blessed you with a great honor. Emmanuel smile was as

false as Alexander's God bless you, Martyr du Bois. I'll pray that you and all your men grow closer to our lord. Was that a threat, she wondered, before deciding, of course it was. In a more normal situation, Sasha would have molled that over It certainly was not the sort of comment she'd have expected from a true martyr, But just then she was far too consumed with terror, both for Immanuel and for herself. Alexander's guards led Manny away,

and Alexander took his place at the table. He took a long sip from Emmanuel's cooling coffee and smiled his snake smile again. I must say, Sasha, I thought you had better taste than that. For the first time in her life, Sasha found herself trying to stare daggers at someone. Oh if only I could shoot knives out of my eyes, she thought, as she imagined one striking Alexander in the forehead with enough force to burst out the back of

his skull. Is that something chromed people can do, she wondered, and decided she'd ask Marigold if she had forgot another chance to talk to the woman. Hey, he snapped his fingers in front of her eyes, and she hated him a little more. She was sort of surprised to learn that was possible. Look, I know coming here can be disorienting. I know this is a lot to get used to. But him a fucking' it's people like him who filled this continent with them mongrel spawn and tore American civilization

to splint us. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, she said. We are all the fruit fruit of the same tree. Yeah, I know, I've met Pastor Mike. I know God made us all, and also know he made some of us better than others. There's a reason civilization reached its peak under white Man, and there's a reason it crumbled once. We let them take the reins for a while, it's not worth arguing with him, she told herself. So Sasha decided to ask a blunt question. What's going

to happen to Emmanuel? Alexander smiled, Exactly what I said was going to happen to him. He's goin to the factory for a trainin' and then he'll participate in the invasion of Waco as part of the Storming Battalion. And what is that? In a way, it's the luckiest unit in the Heavenly Kingdom's whole military. They are the first ones in guaranteed glory. He took another long, slow sip from Mannie's coffee, his eyes bored into her all the while,

and guaranteed modydom. Sasha felt a little pride for not crying. Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes. Praise be to God, she choked out, followed by I still have duties tonight at the house. May I go? Alexander sneered at that, and then he waved his hand in a gesture that was surely meant to be casual and dismissive. It looked calculated, though, like it was important to him

that she feels like this didn't matter to him. For some reason, that observation made Sasha feel a little stronger. Go on. Then he said, we'll talk tomorrow. Maybe we'll do more than talk. Maybe not. She stood up, still fighting back tears, and left the cafe without a response. Sasha wanted to go to someone, anyone, in the wake of all this. There's nothing to do. The smarter, colder part of her brain, the part that always sounded like her mother, warned her, anything you say will only make

it worse. She knew that was true. Even Helen couldn't do anything for Emmanual. Now she'd made it very clear that military matters took precedence over everything else in the Heavenly Kingdom. It made sense, and yet shouldn't right and wrong be what matter most here? She wasn't even sure what either of those words meant anymore? Was this really what God wanted? Was this how a society based on

his laws operated? Sasha told herself over and over again that she'd made the right decision, that the Kingdom wasn't perfect, but it was the best of all the other options. That voice grew quieter and less convincing as she walked through the doors at the House of Miriam and noticed another missing person. Where's Suzanne, she asked Helen, after scanning the dining room for her friend. The older woman smiled, but it wasn't the warm look Sasha had come to expect.

Helen looked strained, tired, perhaps even a little ill. Suzanne met her husband today, Sasha narrowed her eyes and fought down an immediate surge of rage. She met him or did he see her and claim her? Like Anne suitor? Helen did not like that. She almost growled her neck to words. Be very careful with what you insinuate, Miss Sasha. I know this isn't what any of you dreamed of, but you did come here to help further the kingdom.

This is how that looks Sasha knew in that moment that there was nothing else she could say to Helen. What would be the point? So she nodded meekly, and she apologized, and then she ate her dinner like a robot and cleaned up for bed. Throughout all that, Marigold's words rang louder in her memory. You got suckered into a fucking nightmare. It's time to wake up. It's time to wake ups, time to wake up. Time. Sasha went to bed around nine. She'd had a long and exhausting day.

Tomorrow was sure to be more of the same, but she couldn't sleep. Now that she was safely in bed, hidden from the world, the tears refused to stay hidden behind her eyes. It was all Sasha could do to avoid audible sobs. She lay awake for an hour, maybe more,

until she heard a thwack followed by a thump. She opened her eyes and rolled over to face the door, and the time it took to complete that motion she heard the were whoosh open and then a series of thumps so rapid they sounded like one long drum roll. Sasha felt a rush of air, and then since the presence of a new person. The instant before she completed her role, she looked up to see a man at the side of her bed. He was big, broad, and clad in a torn and bloodied Martyrs uniform. He had

a heavy metal pipe in his hand. Sasha rose her hands up in an instinctive gesture of self defense. The moment before she saw the holking man's face and realized who he was, Aaron. The man blinked. He looked confused for a moment, and then he laughed, all right, Yes, saw my name, Han, you can call me Roland. What do you what's happening? Are we under attack? Yes, porta by me. I knocked out the old lady. He gestured his head back towards the other girls sleeping in their beds.

I knocked them all out too, just minor concussions, but they're out cold. I am very confused, Sasha said, in a flat voice, and very frightened. You're not frightened. She was rise to realize that he was right. Sasha knew she should have been scared, but her heart rate didn't elevate, she didn't start to sweat. She did feel confused, but she also felt calm. Maybe I've just been so scared the last few days my body can't handle anymore of it. Maybe I've reached the limit of my capacity for fear.

I guess you're right, she said, I should be afraid. This is also She trailed off, grasping for words. Yeah, it's fucked, Roland said, and then he pulled up a canteen that had been hanging from his shoulder and took a deep poll. The scent of alcohol wafted over to her. You want some, he asked. I made it in my guts filled a canteen as I finished up at the base. Wait, Sasha said, what happened at the base? Roland gave another

shrug and took another pull. The boss guys told me Manny had been reassigned to some sort of I don't know, suicide battalion. This pissed me off, so I broke exactly half of their bones. Sasha could hear sirens now often the distance. It sounded like there were rather a lot of them. She imagined this was connected to whatever Roland had done. I'm going to guess you and Emmanual aren't really martyrs, are you, he chuckled. I mean maybe some days, sister.

Just now, I don't say any causes worth dying for, but I get your meaning. And no, I don't give a shit about your heavenly kingdom. Man he actively hates it. We're spies, or we were spies. Now he's a captive and I'm a terrorist again. Oh, she said, And then I think I would like a drink. He handed her the canteen, and she took a generous gulp. Sasha had only tried alcohol once before. She'd been thirteen, not yet a Christian, and at a party she'd been far too

young to attend. She remembered the sensation of gentle warmth spreading down her throat, and the sense of elation and well being that had followed. She'd taken a few more SIPs, which had made the world far too spinny for her comfort. She'd vomited not long after, but she figured if there was ever a time to try alcohol again, it's now. The drink easted like beer, but it burned like a shot of hard liquor. Sasha passed the canteen back. She

felt like taking more would be a bad idea. All right, then, Roland said, I'm gonna make a few guesses. I guess one is that you're a little less than enthusiastic about the heavenly Kingdom now that you've seen it up close. Guests too is that you're looking for a way out. And Guests three is that you know something about where my little buddy went. Huh, Immanuel, Manny, you know where he is? I don't, she started. I'll bet you do. Even if you don't know, you do. I know you

were there when he was taken. I could smell it in the street. Smell it. He sighed, and needed the bridge of his nose. This is the time where you explain things. The time where I explained things comes later, or maybe never. He lifted up the pipe in his hand so she could see how bloody and dnted it was. I have the pipe. Whoever's got the pipe doesn't have to explain shit. Sasha couldn't argue with his logic, and she did want to see emmanual, free and safe. Look,

she said, this, this boy, I know, Alexander. He found us at the cafe. We were just sitting down to coffee. He had two men with him, and he said, Emmanuel had been selected for the Storming Battalion. Do you have any idea where they took him? The kids sent trail grows cold about a mile from here. Sasha racked her brain. Of course, she didn't know where the Heavenly Kingdom did this sort of training, but Alexander's said something about the factory,

and at that Roland's eyes lit up. He turned around as if to leave. I know where he is. Then he looked back and down to Sasha and said, moment of truth time, Darlin, you want to stay here in this ship pile Kingdom? Or He jerked his thumb to the door. Do you want me to break you out? And I'll make offers like that often, so take it as a compliment. This time. It didn't take long for Sasha to make up her mind. Yes, she said, I'd like to go with you. Hey, I'm Robert Evans. I

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