Today on ADHD20
The podcast that finds the intersection between ADHD and...
TTRPGs. We're going to talk about a subject that we can't pronounce. Catastrophizing. See, I can't do it. Catastrophizing. Catastrophizing. That's what we're going to talk about today on ADHd20.
Hi, Alison.
Hi Matt! How are you?
How are you? Where did you come from? Where have you been all my life? We're going to talk about a little concept called Catastrophizing. Whoops, that's right.
Yeah, I think you did catastrophizing. That's what we're going to talk about today. I'm, I'm excited. But before we do that, I think you need to roll me a D100, sir.
I would love to.
If you can
So much I'd love to. Roll the
sound. Show us. What are, what are you rolling today, Matt? I always Show my dice off. You need to show
gonna roll some, I'm gonna roll some, uh, what I call the Big Daddy. It's not actually a chunky one, it is a, but it is heavy as sin. This is a, this is a die that my friends, uh, uh, Alison and Fitz gave me. Ah, and it is heavy.
It does.
All right. Oh, I'm rolling the wrong Oh
you throw a d20?
my god! It's a catastrophe! I sure did!
The podcast is over. Everybody hates us.
Oh my goodness. I rolled a 36.
That is a beautiful, beautiful number. Interesting. So this is one that we asked Evan, but that you and I did not get to answer. Shall we go for it and share? Matthew, what's the story behind your name?
Oh, Oh, we didn't? Yeah, I didn't answer this. Uh, the story behind my name is, is very interesting. Uh, my mother was a, uh, church going rebel in that she switched from the Southern Baptist Church to the Episcopal Church, which was such a, a scandalous thing that happened. So mom, mom just, she, she had this new love for this church and it was part of the, it was the church too, and the people in it and her best friend was there and so on and so forth.
And I think she just kind of, she loved the story of Matthew. She loved the book of Matthew and she, she just. It was, uh, I don't know, it just, it just meant a lot to her, the, the concept of it and just his tale. So, uh, her first born child named after St. Matthew.
Matthew McNabb.
Yes. How about you, Alison?
Well, uh, Alison was not my originally intended name. My mom, uh, like all mothers in the 80s, wanted to name me Megan. I was gonna be Megan Lindsay, and my dad said... Nah, don't like it. Uh, and then they didn't have a name for me for a very long time. And then I guess sometime right before I was born, Alison just came out of nowhere. There is no good story to my name. Not only did she give me a name that meant nothing to anybody in my family, uh, she didn't spell it right either.
And I have spent all 41 of my years so far harassing her. It was hard like in the 90s going to like little vacation towns that I could never buy like the keychains and the tchotchkes with my name on them because If they didn't have one L'ed Alisons in there. Yeah, Alison means, uh, Little Truthful One. Um, I am rather blunt, I feel like, sometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah, those are those are our names. That's what you can call us. Matt the Rat and AK. You know, my favorite part about my, my initials are ALK. You can't spell talk without ALK.
Oh man, that's good. That's real good. Um, but that does, that does remind me of this thing that my grandfather used to say, which it was my favorite thing ever. It is a, it is a real poem. Uh, but he used to call me Matt the rat, the cat's meat
Cat's meat man.
Yeah. Even I
know that story!
Horrific. I know I know, but I loved that. I loved that whole thing. I thought I was so special to my grandfather. I know. I was like, gross, but awesome.
Gross but endearing. This is a grandfather way.
Why would a rat be a cat's meat? Anyway.
because you're meat that the cats eat. You're the cat's meat. It's freaking all down here.
Anyway, yeah, let's break it down.
One of my favorite things about this podcast are that all my friends who listen to this podcast now, both to my text messages and to our Discord, just like to send little snippets. Saw this, made me think of you. And I love that. So my friend Taryn, who I have known since college, a fellow ADHDer herself, uh, sent me a snippet from, there's a writer and activist that Taryn and I both, uh, follow.
Uh, her name is Ijeoma Oluo, and she is phenomenal and has so much to say, and we've both been following her for a few years. So she is a very prolific writer, she's an activist, and she has ADHD, so I have a lot of common threads with her.
Um, and so, Taryn sent me the screen grab from one of her Substack articles recently, talking about how she navigates life with a neurotypical partner, because that's what a lot of people have questions for, is what's it like to live with somebody with ADHD or to have ADHD? Anyways, So, so in earlier in the article, she was talking about how expansive our creativity and imagination can be.
"Okay, so you know how I said that ADHD brains can just make all of these wild and amazing and sometimes beautiful connections, and that this can make us very creative people? Well, the same creativity can lead to some of the most extreme, catastrophizing you've ever seen. It's not just that our brains can think of really amazing disaster opportunities.
It's also that we lack the executive function to be able to prioritize these disaster opportunities according to what is most likely to happen and what might have a one in a million chance of happening." And like that, that is so me to a T. I spent so much of my life defaulting to worst case scenario. And not even realizing that that was a symptom of my ADHD until very, very recently. And it's become a practice now to get out of that, that default stance.
And honestly, to, you know, issue a constant challenge of what's the best that can happen? And so I mentioned this to you, and you were like, Oh, boy, I do that too. Um, And one other thing from this piece before we move on, just because I will share it in the show notes, because I think it's a really beautiful work that everybody interested in this topic should read. But one of the other really just poignant things that she said is, she said, "Our tank only holds like >one gallon of fuel."
I love that framing about what executive dysfunction can really feel like. At our core, as neurodivergent people, we're all trying to go the same distance, right? But the way that our brains are wired actually requires us to stop and start more.
Mm hmm. Ugh. Ugh. Gross. But yes.
So, you know, kind of leading into today's topic, what is, what is catastrophizing even mean? Um, and so I did, you know, you know, how I like to take these things and do like a little bit of research to see if we're on our own and we're not. It's apparently a very common Tenet, Trait, Symptom, Outcome, whatever of the ADHD brain. It's also linked to anxiety and depression. Um,
Mm
and all that it means is that we fixate on the worst possible outcome and treat it as highly likely even when it is not. Guilty.
Mm
And then the article goes on to say that "…catastrophic thinking can also be exacerbated by differences or changes in brain chemistry, learning it as a coping mechanism from family members or people close to you, using it as a response to one or more traumatizing life events or experiences, or simply chronic pain or fatigue, that we've experienced these worst possible outcomes once somewhere in our lives, something went wrong, and then it just becomes our, again, our default.
We keep going back to it."
Yeah.
I just talked a lot. It's your turn now, Matt.
I, I, just have, I just have so many thoughts and, and realizations and... And honestly, I'm just, I'm just awash with the feeling of, oh, thank goodness I'm not alone.
I love this, I love this, uh, chunk, where she says okay, everybody talks about not liking taxes, they don't like flossing, these are normal things, uh, and, and these are, they're, they're things that neurotypical people don't like that are so normalized that we've built a great way to outsource to eliminate these things, and, and we talked about one of these last week which was Procrastination. But then she goes on about saying pumping gas.
I do hate pumping gas, but here's, here's the amazing thing. Going to the bank and cashing your check. Who hates putting money in the bank? She does. "And it's easy to feel broken," she says, "when the things that you struggle with are the things that nobody else seems to struggle with." I mean, I just have so many of those. I mean, my inability to go to the post office is
Same.
Monumental. Monumental. Okay, my similar, my similar bank thing is I'm sitting on gear,
hmm. Mm
number one, would make someone else happy, would, would make me richer, would clean up my office, which is always a stress, I mean years, Alison, years. I don't know if it'll ever happen. I, I mean it is, and it doesn't, when I, when I try to explain this to anybody else, they're like, what? But it's so true, and it is, I, here, I don't know what the catastrophe is though. That's the weird... That's a weird thing. It's like, like why? What did I, what happened?
What happened along the way that made me hate going to the post office, that made me hate selling things to this degree? What, what was it that burned me so bad?
So when we were first talking about this episode earlier in the week, deciding if we wanted to do this topic and we started to say, you know, first of all, like, how could we tie this into D&D? Do do this? Does this resonate? Does this ring any bells, um, for us? I think the catastrophe in this is, I mentioned to you that I think that catastrophizing is, if not a sister, then at least a cousin of RSD.
hmm. Mm hmm Mm
It's thing that we do that causes people in our lives who do not understand, who do not have executive dysfunction, um, whose executive functions beautifully. Congratulations, must be nice. It causes them to look at us and go, why are you being so dramatic? So There's answer number one. Like, we have, we have attached these feelings of less than because of our inability to, you know, see the forest for the trees, to figure out the steps needed.
Because as you talked about so beautifully last week, it's not as simple as go to the post office, right? First of all, you have to gather all of the things. You have to find boxes to put the things in. You have to figure out how much is this worth. You have to list it somewhere. You're going to have to answer somebody's dumb, boring questions about the thing that you're trying to sell. You're going to then have to figure out a price and how you're going to exchange it. Are you going to ship it?
Are you going to meet them? Like there's all of these micro steps involved in a neurotypical is like, yeah, you just do them. But anytime that you have to use the word just, it's probably a signal that you're potentially talking down to a neurospicy type. We don't just do anything. And so, you know, so I think RSD and catastrophizing are definitely related.
And I also think to answer your question about what happened, what is caused this trauma for response for both of us, I think it can also be attached to time blindness. I don't like to go to the bank because the bank is only open during normie hours, and I don't like to walk away from my desk, A, because you're going to rip out my hyper focus. It always takes longer than you think it's going to. You have to interact with other human beings. Some of them are mean.
Uh, you're going to get back later. Then, and then we have to go through all of these motions of like getting back into whatever rhythm and groove we interrupted to do this task. We know we're not going to. So now the day is basically over. Cause I chose to go to the post office at one o'clock after I ate my lunch. And, and, and this is an example of like my action. I'm telling you guys right now, my thought process. And I know anybody without this is going, what is the big deal?
But that is exactly what catastrophizing is. Something that seems simple, innocuous, small, that I have now made worst case scenario in my head without even realizing or meaning to, and then also fixating on it. And. even though the outcome is not likely. What is probably likely is I will gather my bills, I will go to the post office, I will wait in line, I will pay for them to send whatever, and then I'll come home.
It's fine. That's it. That's
it.
It's totally, totally fine. Oh, yes. Uh, I, I feel like we've talked about this, but how, how,
Oh I no
how many times do you look at a calendar on Sunday and, and I'm trying to get better and better and better of weekly ahead things and, and I look at the stuff and I try to like, This is stuff that I've learned from Coach to where like, okay, you know, I put it in multiple places. Have I saved my calendar, which is where it has to be first or doesn't exist. And then I take it into my task manager and I write it out again, write it out again so that I can so I can say, OK, don't be surprised.
Don't be surprised. There's something in the middle. But man, when I see those days and there's like something after or during, I just get so depressed sometimes. Hanging out with friends and having a drink. So depressed sometimes. I don't, it's just insane. It feels insane because It just feels insane. Going, you know, going to get teeth cleaned. Of course, that one is more understandable, but it's not because I'm afraid to get my teeth cleaned or I don't like it. It is what you just mentioned.
It's because it's going to completely destroy that day. Beginning of it, to the end of it. Gone. Just. Gone.
Completely Destroy? Matt, I think you're being a little dramatic.
Exactly! I'm catastrophizing! I wish I had a... right?
So I had, I had a, uh, an interesting weekend. It was not a restful weekend. It was a weekend where there was a lot of fun, but it was a weekend where I was surrounded by people 24 7. I had no alone time except for in the bathroom, and that is just not enough for me anymore. I am a girl who needs to shut the fuck up, and sit still and alone. And people that surprises people, but that's how I am now, y'all.
Last night, I was supposed to go meet with some people from college because I had agreed to help plan our 20 year class reunion. Matt. I didn't want to go to this one meeting. So badly. I wrote.
That is amazing. That is amazing. And I love it. And I totally understand it. Oh
My little ADHD brain could not, could not people and turned that into not only can I not people tonight, but I just can't do this. Relatively frictionless, low, you know, I loved where I went to college. I love the people that I went to college with. It is how I met some of my best friends that are still in my life to this day. I look forward to our 20 year reunion. I'm lucky enough to still live in the place where I went to college, so I still get to be plugged in.
Like, I have no bad feelings, but because my brain could not get over the roadblock of, I don't want to go tonight, I had to drop off the whole thing. Why are we like this?
I love it. I love it though.
Thank you for your support.
That's the other side of it, it's like, if, the reason I laughed so hard about what you just said is that I completely understand it, where I would absolutely understand someone else hearing it and say, Then why did you even sign up for that, Alison? Why did you? If you hate it so much that one meeting, the thought of one meeting would cause you to back away, that's the other part. That is Ijeoma's number two on this list, which is...
We actually really, truly do want to do the things that we promised to do, that we signed up to do. It's not, it's not lip service. It is not lip service. There's an excitement that we get for that thing at that time, at that moment. We're like, oh yeah, oh my God, that'd be so great. I could be involved. I could really make it my own. It could be really fun. I could hang out with this friends. That doesn't change. It's just that the moment goes away.
And then you, then you, there's realism sitting in, and you're like, I don't have time for that, and I don't want to do that, and if that sucks, help, get me out. I can only imagine that you were catastrophizing all day until you finally just said, I gotta quit this whole thing. I get it. I get it.
Hmm.
Oh my gosh. And it's, do you find that you go in waves? Of being better and worse of that. I, I feel like I definitely do. Where I, but for me, it's, it's so black and white. It's so like, it's either like everything or nothing. It's
Mm hmm.
like everything or nothing. It's like this, this I'll, I'll play on this album. I'll do this improv thing. I'll, I'll have this gig. I'll take this. Uh. Or, I CAN'T TAKE ANY OF IT, ALL OF IT HAS TO GO
I quit everything
Everything. quits. Everything. Yuck.
Yep. It's, it's definitely the place. I think I've gotten so much better than I used to be, to answer your question. Um, I, I, I used to be this way about everything. Everything was a spiral. Everything was worst case scenario. I love the word fixate in the definition of it. It's not just imagining worst possible outcome. It is your fixation.
It is, intense is, and of course, all of the articles are like, eat well, get eight hours of sleep, exercise regularly, as their, you know, ways to not, and there's, there obviously, and we've talked about this a lot before, there is truth in that. The better, you know, rested we can be, the more we take our long rests and eat our vegetables, the better our bodies are going to feel and the better our bodies and minds feel, the more apt we are going to be to doing the things, you know,
Mm
There I go, catastrophizing at this explanation, because I'm like, well, this means if I eat pizza and don't exercise, then I'm going to quit everything and life is over.
hmm. You're gonna quit everything and you're gonna
Just know, everybody, if and when the day comes that this here podcast comes to an end, it's because Alison catastrophized it to its death.
Yeah.
One day, she didn't want to record and it was all over after that.
Yes. Yes. I, I feel bad, I find myself feeling bad when the, when the tornado of catastrophe kind of passes by. I, I feel bad for people like our loved ones surrounding us. A lot of times. How about, do you feel the same? Like, I'm like, oh my god, I took Lindsay on this major roller coaster ride. And she was, you know, she's just trying to help me feel better. And, you know, and that's just because she's an amazing person, but.
I, I still feel bad because I'm like, yeah, I know that it was ridiculous. I know it was ridiculous, but it is what it is. When you suggested this topic, my first question was, well, how would you apply this to Dungeons and Dragons and or TTRPGs, Alison?
Everybody has heard me tease Matt endlessly about killing my characters. You know, I, I couldn't
It's a big deal.
It's a big deal. I couldn't play D&D this past weekend. And when a member of a party can't play D&D, for all of you who don't play, you know, you have a few options. You either just kind of like, oop, they got a messenger in the night and, you know, apparated somewhere else, they'll be back soon. You can pretend that they just don't exist for that session. But with our group, a lot of the time, we'll just have somebody do what's called Jaegering our character for the for the day.
So I don't actually know what y'all did y'all did somebody Jaeger me on Sunday? Transcribed
Half heartedly, but yes. Kind of
And there's always this knee jerk reaction of like, you're, cause you have to kind of give people consent to play your character, right? Like, yes, you can go into my sheet and, and play Chimerical for a day. Um, don't kill her. It's me catastrophizing. And I mean, it is the, it is the swell in the throat we get every time Matt says those faithful words, roll initiative. Right? There we go. Come all you faithful. Um,
Faithful and fateful.
and fateful. Um, that we all, like, I think all of us as players do kind of get this sinking, you know, in our throat, um, of like, is this it? Is this how my character goes? But it doesn't stop us from playing the game.
It, you know, and obviously, yes, we're talking about fantasy versus reality now, but like, it's almost like in D&D, And other TTRPGs, um, that it's, there's some high you get from it, like, but I could die, you know, that like, you know, like, it causes this like, adrenaline rush in game and it could be like a dopamining thing in game, whereas in life, it's more of like a rush of like, you know, cortisol, like where you, you know, get shaky and wired and things like that and almost feel
imbalanced. I almost wonder if the adrenaline and dopamine and serotonin and everything else rush that we get catastrophizing in D& D is the therapy. Because, you know, Matt, it's not lost on me that I This is interesting.
Yeah,
began the plight of like, what's the best that can happen?
Yes
Like, what if I just like, shut the fuck up and enjoyed my life? I'm saying fuck a lot this episode. You're gonna be using beep button.
Great
You're welcome. But I do, I have to wonder if there's a parallel between when I stopped worrying so much and just started having fun, like, just got into, I mean, it's play therapy, right? It's fun for the sake of fun. It's this, it's everything that we've always talked about about. It's this great way to get to know your people and yourself and stuff like that. And it was in doing that, you know, Chimerical did die. That is the worst that could happen, right?
But we were playing in a fantasy game, so she didn't. So she was brought back. And now, Now she's cool. And I think, I mean, ultimately for me, if you really just, you know, for any of you guys listening to this, you saw the topic and we're like, great, hopefully they tell us how to get out of it. This is the advice that I now have to dispense upon you. You have to find a way, you have to find a way to start training yourself to thinking about all the times it went right in your life.
Yeah.
And everybody's, but that's not how I work when I'm panicking, I know, I'm aware of that, because I wasn't either. I literally, at various points in my life, have had to cover my house and my mirrors in sticky notes. I've talked about this before, that remind me to pause, to take a breath. So that way, when I start spinning out, you know, there were times when every time Matt would Slack me and be like, Hey, Alison, you got a minute. In my head, I would be like, Matt hates me.
He's gonna fire me from working with him. He doesn't want to be my friend anymore. It's so dumb, like I understand telling you this is so dumb, but that's what my brain did to me.
I know.
A lot of times when you were like, first of all, a lot of times when you said, Hey, Alison, got a minute, you want to tell me something good? Or you just wanted the chance to like, you know, make sure you weren't like interrupting a train of thought is all you meant.
Yeah. Yes. I mean, I think you kind of did it yesterday where we were talking about, you know, just your, all the great things that you've been doing in the the last year and the and the wonderful spirituality that you've you've been discovering and how you're making stronger choices for friends and you're, you're doing this stuff and you said, but but don't think that you're going to get out of this. You're, you're there for life.
I'm like, yeah, I know, I, that's not even a part of, that doesn't even cross my mind. That's not even a, uh, yeah, no, I get, yeah, it actually happens. You want to know one of my catastrophizing D&D things, TTRPG things, is prepping, actually sometimes.
hmm.
And, and it is, you know, comparatively, compared to like a website that has to be launched and the client is really, awful or whatever, it's very low. And I am more confident about. You know, being a game master in a lot of ways than I am other things in my life. But there are times where I'm just really, I'm just not prepared. And I'm just like, so disappointed about that. I'm like, Oh man, they're just going to be standing around. And I just feel so bad for them and they deserve better.
And I just, why didn't I just spend five minutes a day prepping? Why did I wait the last minute? I just, why, why, why? You know, and then we, and then we. You know, then we start playing and, and I did, you know, I know what I'm doing and I went to improv school
Yep.
and I make stuff up and, you know, I don't, you probably know when I'm more or less prepared, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're having a bad time,
No, not at all.
my in my mind, of
And we also know we're gonna break, we're gonna break the stuff you build anyway. So there's this part of me that's like, Matt, don't,
Sometimes,
please don't spend a lot of time. We're gonna mess it up. Not you.
yeah, I don't have a choice sometimes. Sometimes I just go, oh, we're off roading, we're off roading, ding a da ding a ding a ding a ding.
So, to use a D&D term, um, if you would like, I can kind of walk, and I would love it if you would also like to do this, we can walk through the mechanics of how we save from catastrophizing. When someone casts catastrophe on, on me, this is now exact, I will tell you exactly what I do. And, and it's, it looks different now than it did six months ago in a year. It's, it's all a practice.
So the first thing I did once I reckon, I mean, the first The first step for any problem that you might want to fix, if you think this is a problem, maybe you like that you catastrophize, I don't know, um, is, but for me, I recognize it was a problem. I recognized that it was creating unhealthy relationships, that Matt and Evan didn't want to constantly have to pick crying Alison up off the floor, worried that they might have stopped loving her. It's annoying when I do it.
So I wanted, I wanted to fix it. I wanted to have confidence in myself and in my relationships that we were all on the same page. So that was step one. Identify the problem. Step two, I made a mechanic of every time I found myself, I set the intention that I would notice when I do it. Every time I noticed when I did it, I would allow myself to think through that, that worst possible outcome. Matt says he wants to talk to me.
Worst possible scenario here is that Matt's like, Hey, this just isn't working out. I don't want to do podcasts with you anymore. I don't want to play D&D with you anymore. Let's pump the brakes on this friendship. Best case scenario is that Matt has some tremendously good news to share. Somebody reached out to him and wants to pay us millions of dollars to keep doing exactly what we're doing. that's the best case scenario. So I would allow myself to think through the worst case.
I would then imagine the possibilities for the best case. And then I would pay attention to history. I would think about all the times in my friendship with Matt that he said, Hey, 9,000 times out of 9,001 times. I'm bad at this. Matt usually had something like, Hey, can you look at this with me? I want to make sure that I got this right. Hey, can you brainstorm this with me?
Oh no,
I would recognize that what was probably got to happen was somewhere in the middle. It probably was not the worst case. It probably was not the best case. It was probably a completely normal case. And I had to do that for like a solid six months. Every time I found myself catastrophizing, I had to stop and go through those steps. And I still, as we've just now talked about, still fall on bad habits sometimes.
I'm not perfect at it, but it's so much better than it was a couple of years ago, where I was just in this constant flushed panic mode all the time about everything in perpetuity until I die.
So that, so the spell is, Catastrophize, it's probably, Um, you know, the range would be five feet at most, if not touch. And the save would be Wisdom.
Hmm.
It's not an intelligent thing, obviously. It's not an Intelligence thing. It has to be Wisdom. So that is, uh, but I would say, I would say that the good news is it's probably a cantrip, which
Mm hmm. Mm
it means that if you do save Wisdom, then there is no
There is no damage. I don't have to worry about half damage. You're very, very right about that. Yes. I love it.
Yeah, me too. Hmm.
I love that we're figuring these parts of our brains out. Do you have any mechanics for what you do when you are starting to spin? Putting you on the spot here now.
I have friends that I vent to you, you being one of them sometimes, you know, and, and that, I don't know if that's the healthiest way to, I'm going to go ahead and say, I don't know that that's the healthiest way to deal with things. I do meditate. That does help. And I'm not, not, look, I'm not a consistent meditator. I'm not a But it really actually helps, actually helps. So, going outside and taking a walk, unfortunately also works.
Why are the healthy things the things work?!
I hate it!
Why does my body feel better when I eat a salad instead of a taco? Mm hmm.
I, Jesus, I don't know. Uh, and then yeah, just surrounding yourself with, with great friends that are like, okay, uh, surrounding yourself with rocks, like my wife and, uh, my brother and just like people who are, who are just. Okay, okay, I hear you and I'm I, I'm not discounting your emotions, but what if it wasn't quite as, and you have to have a, you have to have a few of them, right?
Lindsay, of course, is, I think, currently the best because, you know, she knows, she has moments of this as well, in her own way, in her own brain, uh, very different catastrophes in her brain. So now that we have learned these things, we give each other space, uh, to feel that, those feelings, but then kind of say, you know, but, you know, there's this and this and this and this, so, um, getting yourself a pack of, a pack of friends that can help you through that is also great.
What about a pack of kobolds? Could they
Pack of kobolds. If those kobolds had that kind of. You know, kind of a, preternatural empathy sympathy combo.
Three, three kobolds and a trench coat on its way to fixing everything. You just, you just said something that sparked,
Joy?
Always, everything you say sparks joy, Matthew. Um, but, I think another important part, and we've talked about this a lot, I think ever since Evan's episode is the practice of kind of radical empathy and self compassion, especially with yourself. We talked about this last week with procrastination that beating yourself up. I see a lot in my spiritual practice in the various groups that I've been moving through lately, where basically people want to be high vibe all the time.
Um, that's called a spirit or maybe a robot. It doesn't exist in human form. Nobody is high vibe all of the time. And so if that's your goal, that's like me saying to you, Matt, I want to be perfect at D&D. The perfect is not, it's a game. It's all subjective. Life, you're not going to be perfect. It's going to be messy. Um, so if you're looking for something spotless, like, you know, you're, you're barking up the wrong tree, right?
So I think the biggest thing there too, is when you notice yourself catastrophizing, beating yourself up for doing it is only going to just trigger and now we're going around the hamster wheel.
Yeah.
Um, so see those human thoughts. It's the same thing with meditation. Like when I used to be really, I used to beat myself up because I was bad at meditating because I would have thoughts because I'm a human. I have a brain. I can't turn it off. It's not how it works. I don't power down into stasis, right? Um, but learning that the practice of meditation is not quieting or quitting your thoughts, but just saying, I see you.
hmm,
I see you. Um, and I
Yeah. It's nothing to do with silence, nothing to do with quiet. In fact, I think it's the complete opposite. It's, it's a rushing river. Uh, but yes, that you watch, that you watch, that's a stream that you watch go by and you're very aware, but you're letting it go its own way. Uh. Yeah, I would like to also apologize to past relationships that I've had, that, that in my mind, some of my behavior now is based on uh, the actions that they would take.
I'm not saying those actions were good or bad. But one, another thing, another part of this is like the, the, the times where I react to something that my friends say, quote, unquote, because of that past relationship. No, no, no, no, no. That's all me. That's all in here. It's simply, some people react that way and some people don't react that way and it's not their fault and it's going to, my brain's going to do it anyway. So, it's just dumb. Just, yeah, just get, get yourself right.
I will all be better.
And then Matt became a leprechaun.
And then became a leprechan.. Um, yeah, this was, uh, this was great. I, I know that we didn't, we didn't solve any, any issues today, but I don't think that there is. I think it, that's not what it's about today. I think it's about, um, let's share some experiences.
all do it.
Yeah, give yourself a break. Give yourself a break. If you are catastrophizing right now as you're listening to this, uh, you know, live with it. But, but it, it's okay. Honestly, it's a hundred percent okay. Um,
If you're catastrophizing right now while listening to this, Try one of the saves that we have taught you.
Yeah. Give your, yeah. You need, you, you still, you deserve a Wisdom
Yeah, go for a walk, get outside, touch, touch the ground. You know, that's something that is the very beginning of the season, Matt. We had our good friend Sarah Mobley on
Yeah.
and she said that one of her things is she goes outside and she touches the ground. It's not enough just to get outside. She touches nature and I, I have, I've kept that with me all year long.
Yeah. Do you do it?
Yeah, I try and start my mornings. Apparently, it's very helpful for our circadian rhythms.
And, and inflammation
And inflammation. So I try and go outside, go for a little walk in the loop in front of my house. And if not, worst case, even if I don't feel like doing that, I go try and enjoy my cup of coffee. And literally I reach out and I touch the ground every morning. Like, so go try that. Or if you're catastrophizing right now, stop, go ahead and allow yourself to imagine and observe the worst case scenario. Challenge yourself to think about what is the best possible outcome.
Recognize that history has taught you you're gonna land somewhere in the middle more than likely. And that's the other thing too, I think, and I've shared this before, you know, I think through times that, like, my proverbial bottom did drop out, like, what did that feel like? And realizing, like, the earth kept turning, it didn't spin off its axis because I had a bad week. You know, I, I was late paying rent earlier this year, and that for me was my worst case scenario.
I don't ever want to be in a place where I can't pay my rent. Guess what I did? I, I, I paid my rent late with a fee and apologized to my landlord, and everybody woke up the next morning just fine.
Exactly. So, if you're listening to this and you're catastrophizing, and you, you've, you've had your Wisdom saving throw, and you failed it, and you're still freaking, that's also okay. We're not going to be able to necessarily help you through this catastrophe, but the next time you will have gained a little bit of a level.
You've leveled up.
So, you know, so you could probably. You know, add a bonus to the next catastrophe Wisdom roll, just saying, hopefully.
And if you're listening to this and you haven't come and played TTRPGs with us yet. What are you doing man?
What are we
That is our that is our catastrophe. Why you aren't playing games with us yet.
That's true. That's true. We don't talk about that enough. We, we, uh, you know, if you're still listening, thanks for listening. We like you. So, you want to come hang out with us and play games with us? This is something that we do. Uh, we, we have a Patreon. We have a Discord server. And in those two things, we play games together
I love our little Discord channel. I love hearing what resonates with people and what works for them and what's not working. There are people out there that are not going to tell you you should just do something. They're not going to call you dramatic. They're going to see you and meet you where you are. Keep on hunting until you find those people. And if we can be those people for you, that's pretty cool.
Uh, mean it's a win-win. Wow. We have so much love for for people listening today,
I love that joyful rampage. I love that, that, I love that attitude of gratitude we close with, Mattie. Add
Wow, Attitude with Gratitude. Love that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yes. It really, I mean, it, it really, truly, uh, made me so grateful that, uh, that you came on my podcast.
Thank you for having me on your podcast,
And, and it made me so, feel so lucky that you had... me on your podcast. I
do feel lucky every time you gracefully appear on my podcast.
It's graceful. There's some grace sometimes.
Hail Matthew, full of grace. Saint Matthew. A couple years ago is not even a gag gift as a real gift. I, I actually had, I had a St. Matthew candle made for Matt. It's one of the greatest gifts I've ever, I meant it, it was not a gag gift.
it's, it's deeply embarrassing to me and yet it's, it's prominently placed over, over in my kitchen, over the sink, so I look at that, so,
You
it's great.
are our little St. Matthew. I appreciate you.
And, wow, what a perfect, freakin comeback to the beginning of the show, dude! Oh ho! Saint Matthew gettin on the candle!
We make a good team. I think we should keep this up. I'm not catastrophizing the end of ADHd20. getting started.
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